We do not do things by halves. There is no magnolia adorning the walls where we live. Muzak does not play in the background and we never choose to eat vanilla ice cream. If it is neutral, if it is middle of the road and if it is sat on the fence we do not want to know. If it is bland you can forget about it, if something is inoffensive it is of no use to us and words such as unobjectionable, unprejudiced and unbiased are pointless.
We are not interested in fair or equitable and indifference is loathed by us. If you are uncommitted, open-minded, even-handed, detached and unaligned you are not performing as we want you to. Anything which smacks of being straight down the middle holds no interest for us because everything that we want has to be extreme. We want it ice cold or burning hot. Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. We may adopt the other extreme and provide you with our haughty and stand-offish cold fury, the icy glare and cold shoulder turned towards you. We live and flourish by extremes. There is never any settling for average. It is either feast or famine.
In the beginning, we must create a deluge of false affection as we lavish you with compliments and praise. The words come easily and these softly spoken or enthused exclamations (even our method of delivery adopts an extreme) are poured over you so you are drenched with our affection and love. You are drowning in desire, swamped by our seduction and buried beneath an avalanche of affection. You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you. You are regaled with tales of our achievements, our excellence and our brilliance. I was not player of the year once but four times. I am not just the highest biller in the department but the entire firm. My car is top of its range. I only ever eat organic, none of that fast processed food for me. My handkerchiefs are silk not cotton. I have three toothbrushes for morning, noon and night. I use four different skin products when I wash in the morning. You read War and Peace in a week? I did it in three days. I don’t just text message you once or twice each day, no, what would be the point of that? You receive a text tsunami. Impressed? You ought to be. That is how special you are and how sensational I am by being able to ping text after text your way and still be as hard-working as I am.
I don’t obey the speed limit, that is for ordinary people. When it is time to go out and party, you will always notice when my entourage and I have arrived. Just watch that bar bill escalate. Why have one partner when five can be juggled? Why gamble a hundred pounds when a thousand will win much more? Five star? I want five-star superior? I am the five-star combatant – the Admiral of the Fleet, Field Marshal and Marshal of the Air Force. Turn it up to eleven. Why a dozen guests? Make it two dozen. Let’s make a show, let’s make a splash, let’s push it further. I lead a life of excess. I engage in extreme behaviours. I never just talk, I either shout and rage or seductively whisper. I don’t get a cold, I have pneumonia and you had better look after me whilst I have it.
Not only do I cause you to soar to the heights, I also take you to the extreme depths. I freeze you out. I lambast you with acidic words. I take it away and send you tumbling towards rock bottom. Down, downwards I will cast you. I don’t just want you to cry, I want you to wail and scream. I don’t want you irritated by my behaviour, I want you to be angry, blowing a gasket, beside yourself with annoyance. I do not want you to be sad, I want you to be desolate. I do not want you to be unhappy, I want you to be mired in misery. High or low, it does not matter as long as it is not in the middle.
Why am I like this? Why does my kind and me never settle for okay or fine, but have to take it to outstanding or terrible? We do so because extreme means special. Extreme means superior. Extreme means you will take notice of me. I do not just fade into the background. I am not beige. I do not sink into a grey sea. I am impenetrable darkness and I am glorious light. I am not a steady monotone, for I am the heavy, resonant and sonorous bass and the tinkling angelic bells.
I am like this because nobody remembers the middle man, the middle ranking and the go-between. Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out, turn heads and be the topic of conversation, good or bad, it matters not so long as I am recognised. I must provoke, stimulate and arouse so I am always noticed and paid attention to. I must always take it as far as possible and the further again. Extreme is the only option available to me. How else am I going to fill this emptiness?
62 thoughts on “Extreme”
HG , just found this post , hadn’t read this one . My N used to talk about this that everything was extreme . He talked about it in a puzzled way , like he didn’t even really understand why he felt one extreme or the other. He gave the example of meeting someone being crazy about them and then total loss of interest . However he remarked that his thinking was like this in general. Extremes !! I don’t think he knows why he has this thinking or should I say feelings . He knows he has them but doesn’t know why ? This would also account for him saying he can’t sustain things . Sustain interest . Maybe he’s doing it to try to be memorable or special but I don’t think he knows why . If these extremes are filling the void . When it’s extreme lows . Black or White . How does that make the void or emptiness feel? Is that the irratible feeling ?
Yes the extremes fill the void. If there are lows as fuel runs low the irritation and restlessness starts.
It was REALLY extreme when my ex N called my dad (after we had a huge argument on the phone) and told him that we were no longer compatible and I needed to leave him alone.
Blood and thunder, interestingly is the fuel he must have received after the rant and research from mere statement. Tell me I am cat and I know I am damn dog. So, I demand cat food because cats eat cat food right.. entertainment…
I work a 40 hour a week job and then have a few Boer goats, chickens, and cattle. Because the ex about ruined me, I am renting a small place and only have my goats, chickens and a garden. The cattle are at a friends. My son shows them at the fairs for his ffa and 4h projects and then we butcher the ones we fatten to eat. My son also shoots shotgun and competitive target archery. My life is about making things positive for my kids although my oldest is married and in chiropractic school. My ex has a daughter that he had full time and I filled the mom roll for her and treated her as my own. Setting a good example for the kids is important to me and I tried for as long as I could for his daughter because he dumps her where ever now and with his new conquest. My son was staring to see me suffer the effects of my ex’s abuse and that was a wake up call to me. I love my animals and doing stuff with the kids and my ex just wanted me to stay home and do nothing and that is not me. Even though it was ok for him to stay out with his buddies and be drunk all the time. It used to not be that bad and I think he really tried to be normal but it was to hard for him to maintain so he just started flipping out on me which was really him putting me in discard mode. I am just worried I will never have a normal relationship now because I am gun shy so to speak….but maybe I should quit being so nice all the time and caring!!! I do enjoy your writings and your books!!!
TheFlowerandRock made the purpose of the blanks clear on previous posts, which is likely why I find the comment thread above so infuriating.
entertainment – Well said. In many ways, I feel like some are pouring the fuel on the fire that is HG Tudor purposefully….too purposefully in fact.
I liken the Middle Man to khaki pants from the Gap. No one wants khaki pants from the Gap when they have blood red crushed velvet or jet black leather.
Here we go again with the fury….
I had not seen the posts where it was clear else I would not have asked and anyway I am glad I asked as I enjoyed really very much the conversation.
What kind of posting makes you happy then?
Or do you have something against me?
“We must continue to understand that how we love ourselves is how we love others. We can only wish another what we have attained, and the only way to do this is to give.”
Call me a Narc, I gained the entertainment fuel I needed from this post. Wow, incredible. You can only get screwed if you open…Mind F** games whatever if you are wide open there goes with no protection.
I really enjoy the posts and comments and I am reading several of your books right now. One thing that always continues to enter my mind is…..is it possible for me to take on some of the traits of my narc when in the relationship? I think I was starting to see me question myself and morals and that bothered me as a person and I did not feel true to myself. It was one of the many reasons I left him. Now that I am single and trying to decide if I should date again, I worry that I will become the narc in the relationship. I feel like these wall’s are up to protect me from another one and am not sure if I am just not ready??? I am a busy person with my sons activities and my small farm so I am never out to meet anyone really. I met my ex on accident over the phone and we met face to face two weeks later and then it was 5 years later I realized I was in hell!!! Everything of yours I have read makes me positive of what he is but of course I still doubt myself and think well maybe I am the narc??? But I also know from your writings I am more empath than anything else!!! I am finally getting myself back after several months and have just stared to think to myself…maybe I was the narc??? Oh and he was definitely your lesser victim narc too…I’m such a dummy!!!
I seriously doubt if you are asking these questions that you are a narcissist. Narcissism operates on a spectrum. Everyone has narcissistic traits but when certain of them reach a particular level then it becomes a personality disorder. There is a spectrum within the PD with lesser narcissists at one end and greater narcissists (who have been described as narcissistic sociopaths) at the other. One of the posters commented well to that effect recently. It may be you have a few narcissistic traits but you won’t have a PD. I daresay you are very busy with your farm, is it a smallholding? Which animals do you keep?
Debbie- I have wondered recently if I was the narcissist myself..and I too think I am an empath. We probably wonder this because we can easily step into their shoes as empaths.
Jingercin that is undoubtedly part of the reason alongwith the way we project and blame shift onto you.
Please continue doing it !! They will have a total different meaning to me from now on and the best, the question will not come through my head anymore 😃.
I am exactly the same way…and I am not an N. I did study astrology in depth as a teen…and this trait is found in a few signs…but it is VERY strong in Scorpio’s. I am a Scorpio…and we don’t do “like”. We love something or hate it….rarely do we find a middle ground. If we say something is ok….we are usually being polite because we don’t like it.
This makes relationships hard for us…because we don’t let go so easily….we LOVE HARD!!
When you have a Scorpio friend or lover. You can KNOW you are loved to the moon….AND our loyalty is as intense as our love….
Leo’s run a close second….
Seems like there is more than one Mind Fucker on this thread, although pales in strength to Ours Truly.
I have seen “your” world often HG. Normal…ordinary…it is anything but…but then, neither are your kind. Whatever it takes; there are no rules in “love” or war in your world.
Only the rules we make and undo CE.
Yep. All made by you and we just have to follow… Until…
You do not have to follow
Yes I dont have to but as I am flexible and its okay to me then I do. Not always. I have my rebel side
Not following unhealthy rules does not connotate a rebel, it creates a healthy sense of self.
I know 😃… But I say it because one of my Ns called my mom to tell her I had rebelled to all the ” good” things he wanted for me.
So it came up to my mind and this is why I said it. But yes you are so right. Its self love.
Right, so one could express the personal experience of having been manipulated as opposed to deferring to the narcissistic wound as a rule.
I suppose not F&R.
If you are to heal, lets heal
I know the readers some dont believe I have really learned or healed I assume from some comments I read. But I have and alot. Probably it doesnt show to you guys but I know I have or am in my way and have achieved many milestones. Everybody has a different way to heal and I have my own.
Indeed there are different stages to healing.
Glad to hear! Nice to hear! Gracias 😃 For understanding.
Oh. I am so used to such a philosophy that I took it for granted that went without saying.
No, nobody remembers the middle man.
Black and white, all in or all out. There is no middle ground. Hear hear!
Ahh HG of all of this I forgot to tell you we have one little thing in common. I dont respect speed limits neither :-). Can this be a narcissistic trait ? But I soon have to start…
Not in itself but it is a manifestation of our disregard for rules and our lack of accountability. Interestingly I understand that a propensity to driver recklessly is one of the determinants for a diagnosis of BPD.
I am not a reckless driver. I am never more than 5 km excess of the limit. Only once when I was talking to a friend and did not see it had suddenly changed from 80 to 60. but in this country there is a camera every 5 km and in fact you go to prison directly if you have 40 or more excess.
Half of my department has BPD then because everytime somebody gets a fine they come and tell me as once I posted in facebook.
Because of this blog I got ro know what BPD is as some of the readers have blog on that PD. From reading I know two common charectiristics. Rage and depression and pills. I have none of the 3.
I can still see N3 convincing me that expressing anger is fine, cmon Nikita scream. Are you embarassed? Its okay to swear. Cmon say it go fuck yourself….
Hahahaha he never got it from me never!!
But lots tears he did get 😢.
My BPD with speed limits os that for 10 years I drove in a country with no rules and speed limits so its my automatism in the brain but maybe you can give me the telephone of Dr E and Dr O to change this automatic and that I am aware of those fucking signs 😂😂😂😂 because its becoming expensive.
I know you see what you did here HG
It must be very difficult to have this BPD according to what I read.. 😢😢😢. I did not know that existed before this blog.
Good one… Fuel…Fuel..Fuel…
You are so very right HG. This is something very typical with all narcissists. And when I say all it is all. Every single one I know has this tendency. Never in between never. I see two things. In one way if maintained under control it is interesting and thrilling to have the most, the best and the challenge of looking for it. Of all the N’s I know N3 had this in a very engrained way. It was almost every activity in his life and our life at the time we were together that had to go through this algorithm. It was then like extreme perfectionism it hinders you sometimes from accomplishing things. For example if we would not get the best seats at the cinema we would just not go, what left a spontaneous idea to go to the cinema on a Saturday night practicable impossible, and like this many many things. We would not cook something because there was not the ingredient of the best brand. So at the end we ended up doing just the things we would have under his control and where he would ensure to have the best. Because it was all or nothing and if we did not have all , the we would have nothing which was not the funnest way to end Saturday night. The second thing with this top or bottom is that it blinds the person for power, and unfortunately all the N’s I know have been betrayed by the quest of power and being at the top and having excessively different and apart from middle terms. Somewhen things have the wrong turn and there it goes. As they are excellent performers of course they can recover fast enough from such a fall. So why change ? I personally would prefer to stay in the middle and avoid falls .
Did you discuss this with your doctors HG ? I strongly wonder if this behavior could also be changed ? or in what way ?
I think the private economy faces this situation at the moment where world wide the resources are being minimized on this quest for power and performance, bringing those in the middle in difficult situations.
Yes, we all have to live with the consequences of that quest for power of some others.
As always thanks again for the posting. . I love reading what you write and more when it is at the top of the best of the best. I think all readers agree with this one. With the blog you are at the top. At the top of the Everest.
Interesting observation about the world economy Nikita, of course it is controlled by a global elite of whom many are of our kind. This extremity of behaviour has been discussed with the good doctors yes, it gave them more detail of what I do so they can understand me.
And I believe more and more Ns coming to the top to decide about world economy. That Davos forum is Narc convention 😃😂😂😃
Can I ask you why you always post blank ? Just curious. 🙂
I don’t always post a blank response. The times that I do, it is to show that I am observing, that I am present, while other times, as most recently stated it denotes a marker of reference.
What is true nature of your curiosity that caused you to question
Nothing special just I was wondering
Really 😂😂 why? I was wondering this since a long time and always forgot to ask you until today 😃
It is curious that you find matter in it.
Hahaha really not. Maybe its cultural. We are pretty curious. Why this and why that. Really believe me 😃. It was just plain curiosity as you are the only one doing that.
The truth though Nikita is that I am not doing what you say I am doing. Questions come from somewhere, and can at times be more of a revealing of something unexpressed by the questioner. Something that may be helpful for you is to sit with, where the question was coming from.
Now I am in between laughter and nervousness. I had exactly this same conversation with my last ex. You sound like him. If your english would not be so good I could swear its him 😱😱😱. He would analyze and reanalyze why and where my questions came from and sometimes he would be right and we got to discover something else besides what I had in mind that was the reason to posting a question but sometimes not. Sometiles it was really empty latin curious behaviour. Really . You have to believe me. I asked myself for what results you post blank. Nothing more.
And now I have another question. What is it
That I say that you are doing and actually not doing? Posting blank?? If yes.. You are 😂😂😂
I am not required to believe you and in this particular experience my truth is that I do not. I do not feel your question came out of malice, or bad faith Nikita. I do feel that it came out of anxiety. My choice to engage the question comes out of genuine regard, compassion and respect towards your respective experience. I am not interested in analyzing you Nikita, we have not agreed to a therapeutic relationship. Having said this, I am here to be supportive.
You made me laugh!!! Its nice. I like to laugh ❤️. No we have not agreed on therapy 😂.
But if its anxiety then its a hell of a long time with anxiety because you do this since a long time and every single time I see it I ask myself.. Hmmm why does she do that?
You want to know everytime somebody posts and not have to say anything… This is what came to my mind only. Not the reasons you were giving me.
No F&R its not anxiety.. I dont think I suffer from that neither. Or maybe today the mean message I received from one of the readers made me that I wonder enough to have remembered to ask you… Maybe…
It did stress me a little I have to say to read it 😢.
I appreciate your words! Thanks again and have a good sleep and if you see this tomorrow then have a good day ☀️.
Tomorrow for the first time I will not wonder about your post 😃 But I will never forget the super interesting conversation. 💝
I appreciate yours as well. Rest well and thank you
Hey dont take me wrong I am not saying you are a narcissist. I guuess you probably learned from your ex somehow. Maybe he did that to you? But when I read your comment I was for 10 sec paralyzed. Its many months I have not talked to him and so your exact same words kind of surprised me. Maybe the idea of him coming back soon assaulted me. 😣😦Hahaha yes I see there is a backgrond for everything..
But for the post blank ? There is not 😃🙏🏻.
Something else that he did was he would ask me a question or when I would comment something and then he would Analyze the first idea I said and why I had picked that first.
I way always willing to collaborate that he finds out why but sometimes he didnt and he would get into a bad mood… Sometimes there was nothing behind…
I am quite comfortable and full to leave a blank post.
See post blank 😂😂😂
Nakita, you posed the question as to why I always post blank. This is an inaccurate assumption. You also shared that I am the only one who does this. This is also inaccurate.
First correct. Inaccurrate assumption ( another conversation).. Second: probaby correct too. You are the only one I have seen posting without comments but Maybe others do… Why I only see yours.. No clue.