Mother Knows Best

 

 

“I love you.”

“I have heard this is a good one for getting a reaction from you because this is what you always want to hear.”

 

“You won’t ever amount to anything.”

“Not while I am interfering in every facet of your life, controlling you and making your childhood and your adult life one long battle.”

 

I just thought I would call you and see how you are.”

“You do not give me enough fuel. You are an ungrateful son/daughter and I regret the day I gave birth to you.”

 

“It is my birthday next week and I just wondered if you had anything planned.”

“I expect something lavish and spectacular so I can be centre stage. If you haven’t planned such an event you are cruel and uncaring, just as I always thought.”

 

“I am proud of you.”

“For once you have done something I approve of and now I can take all the credit for it.”

 

 

“You were quite a challenge when you were younger.”

“I thought you might resist my cold-hearted manipulation of you, but I broke you in the end.”

 

“I suppose you have heard the sad news about your Uncle Paul dying?”

“A death! A funeral! Such a wonderful stage for me to dominate and all those relatives to suck fuel from.”

 

“I am trying to help you,you know?”

“I am trying to control you, stop resisting me.”

 

I have done so much for you. All I want is some thanks.”

“I think I have done so much for you. I need some fuel.”

 

“It was a joke. You take yourself so seriously.”

“It was not a joke. Damn you for seeing through it. I need to back track quickly so I am not accountable.”

 

“You were an accident.”

“Go on cry and make me feel powerful.”

 

“Your father and I have discussed this as we think…”

“I have decided….”

 

“Your father agrees with me so there is no point running to him.”

“Your father knows better than to contradict me.”

 

“I had such high hopes for you.”

“You aren’t doing what I want.”

 

“That never happened.”

“It did but you are not allowed to hold that against me.”

 

“We never thought you would leave home.”

“You were not meant to move out of my control.”

 

“We hardly ever see you these days.”

“You should be providing me with fuel more often.”

 

“You weren’t like this when you were little.”

“You were so much easier to control back then.”

 

“I don’t love you.”

“I don’t love you. I never have.”

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36 thoughts on “Mother Knows Best”

  1. Of everything you`ve written, this one just about knocked me out of my chair.

    There is one relative of mine who often said things like that to me – minus the “I don’t love you” because that would have been just too obviously cruel. There were appearances to keep up, after all.

    This person was cold-hearted and cruel and it seems that now, thanks to you, I have a much better understanding of why this person often said those types of things to me.

    Thank you, HG, for helping make sense that which sometimes doesn’t appear to make any sense at all.

    You’re awesome.

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      1. Cute! I shall remain impervious no matter how alluring your voice may be, whether being spoken, read or whispered to. Depends on the whole package. Lol

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  2. God, I can’t stand Jamie Oliver either. I ALWAYS say that his tongue is too big for his mouth!

    The most brilliant thing would be American Psycho, as read by HG Tudor……

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      1. Sexy as Bates… Your voice is totally sexy. I dont associate it at all with food recipies.. But with a very attractive sexy man at the end of the microphone 😍😍

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  3. I think you know what I mean, and yes, we already discussed how in my mind, you are Patrick Bateman personified…..Of course, with a much better accent and likely, much better taste in videotapes.

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  4. My mother never outright says she doesn’t love me, but I cannot ever remember her saying she loves me, so I’m left to presume she doesn’t.

    But yeah…”your father & I have discussed…” means she’s decided something while he’s sat in his chair and passively let her decide it. “Did you hear about your father’s uncle Pasquale dying?” means “I know we’re not speaking to your father’s side of the family, because I like to keep him as isolated from everyone and everything as possible, but a funeral is a wonderful occasion to wear my best black dress & good jewelry and parade myself like the Queen of sheba for his sisters (those bitches) to be jealous of, so we’re going even though we’re not invited”. And “you were so difficult when you were little,” means “Don’t you know I’m the only one who’s allowed to be difficult!”

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    1. Yes it can happen although as I have written previously the fuel is limited and either the engagement will not happen or end very quickly and in my case I recognise what they are and therefore would not target to begin with.

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      1. So two narcs are a bad combo bc ur too selfish to tbe ok with someone taking fuel from you. Or do u feel their guard and know they are limiting the fuel. So u smear and dispose of them before they do to.you.

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      2. There just would not be enough fuel provided in the course of the dynamic for both parties, even if a greater ensnared a lesser.

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  5. I am so sorry for you! But also for your mother if this is all true? I’m sure it is! I’m sorry for her because she missed out on the most amazing experience of her life!! Being a mother! She should be so proud of all your accomplishments! It is so sad that her wants and needs took precedence over yours! But look at you now!! You are truly an amazing writer and an even more of an amazing man, in spite of all you had to go through! Finding peace and love with in yourself is what I wish for you! Xxx

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  6. As the daughter of a malignant N mother, this is spot on. I’ve heard them all from her and i know she’s full of sh*t. Now she wants to come visit me in the fall and invited herself to sleep on my couch. She reads my blog (she stalks me online, I never told her about it–I don’t feel guilty for writing about her either because the way I see it, if you don’t wanna get burned, don’t put your dam hands on the stove). She acts like everything is fine between us but it isn’t. She’s in complete denial about her own narcissism,she has no self awareness. I’m dreading her visit. I’m praying she can’t come. I can’t afford a hotel room for her but might have to cough up the cash because I can’t tolerate the idea of us being in the same house for even a few days. It’s either that or tell her she can’t come (which I’d prefer since we are technically No Contact) but my programming won’t let me do that. I still can’t stand up to her–I always feel like a defective 5 year old in her presence. What to do?

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    1. Probably the biggest ones with her were: “we never hear from you anymore” (definitely a plea for fuel) and “you have no sense of humor” (said while stabbing me in the stomach with a butcher knife)

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  7. I recall crying to my Father one day and he asked what my issue was – I said “you dont love me”….and he replied with “you’re right I dont”

    Needless to say on one end when death comes for some reason he wouldnt goto the funerals however say that he wanted to remember that person in his own way – I felt that was rude and downright disrespectful to the family. He didnt attend his brothers funerals either.

    They are evil

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    1. Was he making it about him by not going to the funerals? Or maybe he knew that if he went he would make it about him and not the person who had died and this was his way of being respectful? I recall T’s post about a friend who turned up drunk at a funeral and caused a scene to make it about her. Why do you think he refrained from attending Susan?

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      1. I believe it wasnt quite making it about him as much as this is when it was quite clear that he simply didnt care that the person was gone. The act was over, so unless there were members of the deceased who could have helped him achieve something, he would be done with that person.

        i.e., his business partner died in a Sesna crash while funding one of his developments in Florida. The man was very wealthy and of course Dad charmed him….anyway. he DID attend this funeral in the hopes that the widow would continue funding the project.

        His family – not one funeral. They had nothing for him – in fact he’d mentioned how ungrateful they were while alive since he risked his ‘life’ bringing them to the US via Canadian borders…

        he has no regard for people. I think we know this. Oddly (or not) he said to me that he would like to cremated and have noone attend his funeral…deep within I believe that he knows every bridge has been burned so noone would attend.

        He’s just….A Narcissist being a Narcissist lol

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  8. PS – Dad believes he is a genius…he is smart, but to sit there and stop himself from making ppl believe hed deflect the spotlight would never enter his mind.

    My Mom, tho not a NPD picked up some traits…now SHE will goto a funeral and make it about her. She annoyed me very much when she announced my granfathers passing…I was very close to him, closer than she was….she somehow cried, though NEVER visited him (he lived one town from me) and at the funeral, pulled my Uncle aside asking what theyd do with his estate…it was inappropriate.

    Both of them are inappropriate – but over time I guess even the good ones sour. I can’t blame her…I really cannot…

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