Perpetual Emotion

 

 

Everything that we do is geared around emotion. On the one hand, this may seem somewhat odd, someone like us who does not operate with the full range of emotions that other people do and certainly nowhere near the heightened emotions that the empathic individual is capable of. It is however entirely logical that we are fixated with the notion of emotion.

At its most obvious, we want your emotional output in order to make good that hole which exists inside of us. Stripped of certain emotions we are left with an emptiness which we want to fill. This emptiness is dangerous because something else will want to fill it. As you know, nature abhors a vacuum and this maxim is no different when it comes to us. If the emptiness is not filled with your emotional responses, our fuel, then something far worse will want to break free from its prison and flood into the hole, occupying it and filling it, overcoming us with the very creature that we repeatedly seek to keep under lock and key, silence and forgotten about.

Your emotional responses provide us with fuel. We relish drawing them from you. All and any emotions are wanted by us as fuel. The positive emotions that you provide – joy, happiness, compassion, sympathy, delight and ecstasy are those which are denied to us. We know what they look like because we mimic them in order to further our own survival but we do not know what they feel like. The fact that we are able to cause those positive emotions, when we do not possess them ourselves, makes us feel powerful. We can make you smile with happiness, skip with joy, hug with compassion, kiss with passion and a whole range of others. Our might is underlined by being able to cause this outpouring of emotion and this fuels us, filling the emptiness. Even better are those negative emotions. Whilst we experience many (but not all) of these negative emotions, we still want yours. This is because even more than positive emotions, our ability to cause you to be frightened, angry, upset, sorry and frustrated evidences just how powerful we are. You are geared towards acting with positive intent by reason of your empathic nature and for us to cause negative emotions to spoor from you, like blood from a gaping wound, underlines the power that we wield. Once again those emotions allow us to fill up the hole within. Accordingly, the issue of your provision of emotions is utterly central to our existence.

Yet, the matter of emotion goes beyond this. We not only want you in a perpetual emotional state for fuel, we want it because it affords us control. Decisions made on an emotional basis are often poor decisions. It is those decisions which are made from an objective standpoint, where cool rationale is at the forefront. We operate from a position of logic. Admittedly, few comprehend our logic because it is different from yours because of our different perspectives and viewpoints, but irrespective of that, we apply ourselves in a calculating manner. The lesser of our kind respond through instinct, not through emotion. The greater of our kind respond through cold and detached calculation. Plotting, scheming and planning. Most people allow their decisions to be based on emotion. Those decisions will be bad decisions. Take these for example: –

  1. Lending someone money because you feel sorry for their impecunious state even though you know they are unlikely to repay you;
  2. Purchasing a new pair of shoes because it feels good to buy something new and pretty, even though you cannot afford them and you will miss your rent payment this month;
  3. Allowing a friend on a night out who becomes abusive when drunk, because you feel bad if they are not invited along;
  4. Keeping an incompetent employee in position because you’ve known them a long time and know they will struggle if they were fired;
  5. Recruiting somebody because they are attractive and flirt with you, rather than a superior candidate who you don’t find attractive;
  6. Calling us to find out how we are, even though you know we will try to hoover you, because you worry about how we cope on our own;
  7. Spending the night with us because the sex is so amazing even though you know what is coming later;
  8. Letting us come and see you to talk things through because it feels right and fair, even though you know we are likely to worm our way back into your life once again.

All poor decisions. All made because emotion was allowed to interfere.

It is, in a way, natural and a situation we wholeheartedly encourage and endorse. We want you full of emotion. We want you blindly thrashing around, failing to apply critical thinking, allowing yourself to be swept along by emotion. Emotions stop you seeing clearly. They stop you making the right decisions. Emotions keep you fixed in one place, paralysed and unable to move forward which is exactly what we want. We do not want you applying reason and intellect to the situation. We want you confused, bewildered, overwrought and overwhelmed with emotive considerations. This is what keeps you in situ and so much easier to control. So long as you allow emotions to rule you will not escape us and all our manipulations are designed to keep you emotional. We draw the fuel and we keep you from realising what is really happening. We want to pull those heartstrings, we want to blackmail you through using your emotions, we want to appeal to your heart. The more emotional you are the better it is for us. More fuel and more control. This is why you were chosen by us. Your propensity to allow emotion to cloud your thinking, your inability to allow cold logic to govern your decision making and the heightened emotional output which provides us with such delicious fuel were all reasons why we targeted you in the beginning. Those with a muted range of emotional responses are no good for us. This is why we often target ‘damaged’ people because they are always shipping emotional content from them. People with Borderline Personality Disorder prove particularly juicy prey for some of our kind since those people have the emotional hide of a tissue and the slightest provocation has emotion fountaining from them.

You cannot ever shut off those emotions, not unless you cease to function by reason of becoming so ill that those functions shut down (hence why you are discarded when this happens) but in order to tackle us you need to take hold of those emotions, turn off the tap when dealing with just us and regulate your emotions in a more appropriate manner until such time as you can make your escape from us. In the meanwhile, we want you gushing with fuel paralysed and giving us perpetual emotion.

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36 thoughts on “Perpetual Emotion”

  1. The N is to be commended for having the ability to make decisions that are not fuelled by emotion. Exactly HG, I agree 100 per cent – when decisions are fuelled by emotion, they are typically poorly constructed and destined to fail.

    And in thinking about this, I have come to the conclusion that, in many ways, the empath could be far more dangerous than he gives himself credit for.

    Because there is a certain amount of narcissism in empathy. The feeling many describe as empathy could be viewed as a thin veil for narcissism. People think we are drawn to and captivated by stories of other people’s suffering because they are caring creatures. But could it be others are drawn to stories of tragedy and trauma because they harbour within them an insecure need to demonstrate their moral worth through performed empathetic response?

    I`ve heard empaths referred to as emotional parasites – borrowing someone else`s suffering to make their own empty and meaningless days feel more purposeful.

    There is a tendency for empaths to under or over-identify, which can make their empathy-fuelled reactions and observations seek fake or superficial.

    Therefore, when an empath is running around making decisions based on raw emotion, one can never be exactly certain of the motivation (whether the emotion driving the decision or the response is genuine, imagined or borrowed from another source).

    Yet again HG, your beautiful and wise words have taken me even deeper down the rabbit hole to a place of greater discovery and understanding.

    Thank you for giving my brain the mental workout it was desperately craving this morning! 🙂

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    1. You are welcome and you make some interesting points concerning the empathic need to care for others. Is it a selfless act or is it done purely for the benefit of the empathic person so they feel better about themselves and derive a sense of worth? Perhaps it is midway between the two points? I think that those who are co-dependent define themselves through those acts and need to perform the acts to gain a sense of self. They are addicted to it in the same way as I am to fuel. It is interesting that you describe empaths (and I appreciate this was not necessarily meant to apply to all) as needing something to make their own empty and meaningless days feel more purposeful. Where do you think that this emptiness comes from?

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      1. Because the sufferement of others and the pain of others and all the unfairness im this world as well as our own pain makes the feelimg of emptiness

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      2. Emptiness because they have not achieved all they wanted or are unsatisfied somehow with their own lives so they feel the need to latch onto the suffering of others to make themselves feel better about themselves.

        I see a lot of the empaths here are quick to point to out how much better they are than say…..someone like me. So perhaps to fuel their own egos and the illusion that they are good, kind people which makes them superior to those who are not.

        I’m not an empath and do not know what it is to feel empty so I can only guess as to motivates and drives them.

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    2. All what you write is so funny. I like reading you. According to what you write me as an empath I should go and seek therapy for NPD and maybe discover what dark parsitic intentions I have in my mind.
      Great I tell you 😂😂😂😂 LOL

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      1. I am glad you find me as funny as I find you.

        I didn’t say you needed therapy but if that’s something you feel would help you, you by all means.

        Do have a lovely evening.

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    3. Just curious how you wound up on this site. I actually would love to know this for all who come here (see my comments under the survey results) but with you it is hard to tell. You are definitely and proudly not an empath, but you have so much contempt for empaths that you can’t possibly be a narcissist.
      I know everyone has a personal story how she (or he) arrived here and no one has to share anything. But if you do feel like sharing what led you to this site I think others would be interested to know as well.

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      1. I would be also very interested. In fact I was so curious that I visited her blog which is very interesting and interesting content but then I read about hunting and how she could bring down a deer or moose or whatever and because I had seen people hunting in Canada where I lived for one year, them bloody images came to my mind, and i started thinking that maybe also bow and arrow hunting and the memories of the blood spilling I saw with horror and I thought I better get out of here.

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      2. I came here by coincidence I was once reading about codependancy in a codependancy site and then I clicked on it and got fascinated with the writing style and also because I identified my situation to what I was reading. One day I saw how intereactive the comments were and I decided to comment and since them im here.

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      3. Yikes- should probably have addressed Blood & Thunder specifically. Nikita, I know this shows up after one of your posts but it was intended for B&T.

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      4. You can’t be surprised that not everyone here is an empath. Of course HGs brilliance was bound to attract others who admire and respect and identify with his was of thinking.

        You’re right – I am no empath and not a narcissist. I am something other.

        I do have a story but this is HGs blog and not the place for me to tell it. You’ve all made your judgments anyway so telling it would waste my time.

        I am here because I respect HG tremendously and value his invaluable insight. I find his honesty and openness so refreshing. It pleases me to know that I am not alone even though I am not exactly like him. I am grateful to him for sharing so much here. I am grateful for him every day.

        And I didn’t see a sign on the blog that said “empaths only” so I figure I have just as much a right to be here as any of you do.

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  2. Wow. Thanks for this great great assertive and super accurrate posting.
    This is for me on the top top top of the malignancy. When I got out of the relationship I noticed how I had been paralyzed by the provocations of my emotions mainly of joy, amazement, compassion and sadness and fear, and mindfullness as I share this special relationship with nature, that I was totally under control, on the way you describe above.
    Thanks to you I could conclude this but now with this totally spot on description I can confirm and reconfirm.
    Hoover once some months ago was totally also based on what is described above. Triggering an emotion to take the floor immediatly from below my feet.
    Just to give you some fuel LOL as I did not respond to his hoover that at the end turned into malign hoover as he then ended up being pretty mean, he then concluded I had been therapy. HG school therapy.
    Hope you will not invoice me then LOL
    I can only be thankful with you and with life for being out of this situation now.
    <3

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  3. Profound. “Emotionally Damaged”, bad decisions as stated in the post are just a few. This is direct to its truthful nature. Another eye opener for those who keep allowing themselves on the emotional roller coaster ride. HG, for the appliance to think that a narcissist can change and “Love” the way they do as long as the appliance “properly” show and guide a narcissist, will the Narcissist change as the perception and denial of the appliance?

    As agreed, it doesn’t matter whether or not the appliance finds herself/himself irresistible, irreplaceable, “He/She will change for me, I will show him/her Love.” Fuel is fuel for the narcissist and if the fuel is down and has been exhausted, a narcissist will seek more of it from multiple supply. This is true-all geared around emotion. This post sends out potent keys to the appliance.

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  4. This post hits it home- our dance with your kind. DBT is quite helpful in tempering emotional responses.

    What I find fascinating and disconcerting at the same time is the activation of the disease of codependency that arises when interacting with a Narcissist. The urge to soothe, to provide comfort and nurturing , to caretake, to entertain …as we intuit this cleverly packaged bottomless pit before us. The question still is, why is it so much easier to pour all of this energy on another rather than self? Why are we so curious? It’s important to pay attention to self deception- curiosity killed the cat.

    It is a very old, familiar dance and one that I prefer to sit out. But, as you so well describe HG, these emotions can prove destructive. True self awareness is not passive.

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  5. There’s a horrible irony here. The narcissist must feed off the emotions of others because his own are actually SO powerful they have been denied and are no longer accessible.

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    1. Hi Esther, this is not a book in itself. If you are looking for similar insights as included in this article I would recommend you start with Fuel which is available on Amazon.

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  6. Nikita, I should have known you were clever enough to pick up on who my message was for. 🙂
    Thank you for sharing what brought you here. I definitely spent way more than a few hours on google typing in variations of “why does my boyfriend…” or “how can I tell if my boyfriend…” but I cannot remember the exact phrase that brought up search results that included the word “narcissist” and this blog. Once I DID officially (in my mind, at least) diagnose G as an N, I can’t begin to count how many searches I’ve done that include the term narcissist!

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    1. Hi Cody.
      I just discovered the word narcissist in April April 2015 when I broke up with my ex and I was so confused. I remember I gave the search term boyfriend always angry at me and boyfriend critisize permanently or something similar and that took me somehow to Sam Vaknin where I stayed a considerable amount of time.. Listening in awe for hours every night his videos and he led me to the term codependancy and then of course Ross Rosemberg there is nobody better than him on that and once I think in the elephant journal there was the link to HG but pure coimcidemce because I had decided not to read nor investigate on Narcissism and I remembered I click without really knowing ., and so funny enough when the page appeared and I read I did not know why I had landed in something else but the writing was so fascinating that I started clickimg around and reading and reading.. Wow!!!
      The burning heart I have to say also called my attentiom.. I can still remember my thoughts ” what is this” ?? Because I had initially started reading a spiritual article on empathy and codepedants and soul mates and then evil, the burning heart, the boundary breaking post and the yatch post ( WTH is this) I remember as having called very much my attentiom and it was days after when I realized the blogger way a self professey narcissist and then I was motivated to comment. But it was mainly the writing skills and style of HG that made me click around.
      That is the story

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  7. Interesting that you mention borderlines here HG. Have you had experience of them yourself? ‘Romantically’ that is. I read elsewhere that a borderline may be the personality type that gives an N a real run for his money since, while they may be highly emotional, they also lack empathy and are constantly pushing and pulling as a result of their abndonment fears on the one hand, and their engulfment fears on the other. It has been suggested that this is particularly attractive, possibly even addictive, to a narc since these fears mirror their own and overall, provide the greatest challenge to them and keep them interested. Thoughts?

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    1. Yes I have. I found them to be a fountain of fuel. I did not find it difficult to keep them interested although they did have a tendency to cram my inboxes with repeated demands fro attention.

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  8. Nikita….yes I am a highly skilled marks-woman and I do hunt. It is part of my family’s traditions going back hundred of years. You’d know that if you thought to ask me about it instead of assuming I kill for sport.

    I am very skilled with the crossbow – it is my weapon of choice.

    I hunt for sustenance. I kill animals for food and I have been taught to use every part of their body resourcefully and wisely. I don’t kill for fun – for me there is no reward in that. A dead animal has many uses and I prefer to make good use of it for food and various other things than to simply kill for nothing.

    I am proud of my knowledge and abilities and skill in this area. If you feel the need to paint me out to be some kind of monster, I would suggest that is more telling of your deficiencies than mine.

    Be well.

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    1. Hi BT

      I suppose we both have a long list of deficiencies but no need to mention them here. You are you and me I am me and fortunately we live very far away and have our own lives so I guess we can shortly share this same space without major problems.
      On the othef side I hate hunting as many other Canadians do. I did protest with my fellow school mates of the Polyvalente in Montreal, the day the hunting seasom started. It cost me a one day suspension from school but the satisfactiok of airing my rejection against that. It was very graphic. There were bloody bows to show and different kimd of traps. We had gone down to the area of Drummomdville and a village called L avenir to source the things for the demonstration.
      I had a chace to talk to the farmers around that area. They are very fond of hunting and skinning etc. You like it I dont.
      I have no problems with you telling all the disorders and faults and dark intentions and whatever else crosses your mind.
      Have a nice afternoon too.

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      1. Hi Nikita,

        I respect your feelings about hunting, though I would ask you to please remember that it is not a blood-lust sport for everyone who hunts. You are taking the worst examples of humanity and painting everyone with the same brush, which is not only unfair, it`s irresponsible.

        I hunt with both crossbow and compound bow and I can honestly say I have no idea how or why a bow would get bloody during a hunt? Neither me nor my bow has ever been drenched in blood following a hunt.

        It`s nice that you don`t have any problems with what I share here, but I don`t seek your permission, nor do I require it to post my thoughts and opinions here. It is HG who decides what is acceptable/unacceptable to post here and if he feels I have crossed a line, I have the utmost confidence that he will let me know.

        I am here because I seek to commune with HG. I do enjoy participating in intelligent discussion with the other people here, but many of you seek to malign me simply because my thoughts and opinions don`t align with yours. That is your choice to do so, but it really doesn`t serve any purpose and, at the end of the day, has no effect on my life one way or another.

        The distance between us geographically is probably a good thing, but of no consequence since I know I would not go out of my way to befriend someone like you, just as you would likely not go out of your way to make friends with someone like me. I am glad we agree on something. 🙂

        I do hope you pass a lovely day.

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      2. Hi
        Again I am not maligning you and feel free to post all what you want. I remember. I said I like reading you didnt I?
        I dont know about bows, but I remember having seen a grouo of hunters piling up their animals after a succesful night hunt. There was blood and very sadly many dead foxes, bunnies, deers and if Im not wrong a small bear or maybe I saw that one in a fridge. I dont remember and I dont want to remember. For me its very sad. When I lived in lausanne With a family of 5 kids, they had a garden full of places to hide and a trampolin etc. i remember a family of foxes coming to play at the garden in the nights as we left food for them to eat. As you hear a family. 2 adult foxes and 2 little foxes.
        The idea that one of them could end their lives with the bullets and the bows of a hunter….. I think you know whar this idea does to me.
        Enjoy your day also ☀️☀️

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    2. What I do find a little exhausting is that you now for the second time put words in my mouth that I have not said. I did not try to paint you like amonster. I just said I left your blog because you are a hunter and that brings me back horrid images of hunted dead animals. Thats all. I only read blogs when I agree with the phylosophy of the blogger or I want to learn something.
      I hate hunting for as long as I can remember. Même if you use up the air left in the lungs of the dead animals.
      I dont know you so I cant say anything about you.

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      1. There is a lot you can learn from my blog, but choose not to because I am a hunter.

        There is likely a lot I could learn from you too, but choose not to because your naïveté is too much for me and borders on unbelievable.

        Your statement, “I don’t know you so I can’t say anything about you” is dead on – but it doesn’t stop you, does it?

        Thank you and have a lovely day.

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      2. You say I call you a monster when I did really say hunter, now you call me naive..
        I think we stop here and lets both yes enjoy the rest of the day and the week.

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