World War Me

There is always a war somewhere raging on the face of this planet. Similarly, there is always a war taking place at some point within my life. I am combat-ready and mobilised for conflict. I know it staggers you just how many people I manage to fall out with. You don’t fall out with people, well only me and that is my doing. Contrast that to my position. When I am devaluing you I am warring with you, laying mines amongst the eggshells in the hope that you will tread on one. I fire my malice missiles towards you, lob a hand grenade of hatred in your direction and pepper you with bullets from my pomposity pistol. At times it is all you can do to pull on your tin helmet and hunker down in the hope of avoiding being hit. Even when I am seducing you it is a form of combat; they do not call it love bombing for no reason.
My list of opponents grows longer day by day. My war with you is established and entering a phase of attrition. I open up a new front against a family member with a barrage of toxic comments which may as well be nerve gas for the effect they have. I launch an ICBM against a colleague and delight as it hits the target and downs them, plunging them into the depths as they lose their job. I even skirmish with the lady in the convenience store. I cannot go anywhere in a peaceful fashion. I must bring fury and upheaval wherever I tread in order to create reaction.
Many a time I have been asked, “What is wrong with you? It is like you are at war with the world,” such is the breadth of those I lock horns with and the ferocity of my behaviour. Ignore me and I hurl daggers towards you, criticise me and I open up with my flame thrower of narcissistic rage, defy me and I launch a thermonuclear assault on you caring not whether it engulfs other people in its all consuming rage.
I am at war with the world. The world owes me and until it recognises me and pays me the adulation I deserve it must be subjugated, attacked and conquered. I fail to appreciate that this war is never-ending as I rip the white flag in two, snap the olive branch and shoot down the dove of peace. I fight on and on even though I know it is a war I cannot win.


127 thoughts on “World War Me”

  1. Hi B &T,
    Thank you for sharing all of that. I’m glad Indy asked you a question because I have also been curious especially since I was involved with a female narc. I am here to learn and understand and have found it extremely helpful to look at everything from your kinds perspective. I have been reading your comments since I started here. It took me awhile to figure out what everyone was and still not sure about some. But overall everyone has been extremely supportive. I have noticed several things that you have said that my ex also stated. Just trying to figure everything out.
    Thanks again

  2. Y’all picking on poor SV (hahaha) and I have to agree, I’d rather read HG. It goes without saying, HG has more charm, personality and accessibility. And, with that said, SV is quite brilliant and he was the first I found. So, I’m greatful to his bringing awareness to it aswell. I do wonder if SV has some cluster A personality traits as well as cluster B sociopathy because he is less socially smooth. Just a thought.

  3. HG at what age does someone become a narc and how often or how many victims do they acquire and do they keep count

    1. It is suggested that the formation begins in childhood, anywhere from aged 5 upwards although of course with everything there may be exceptions. As to when one becomes a narcissist I would suggest that this arises on reaching the age of majority as all else beforehand is part of the formative period.
      As to the number of victims, well it depends how you categorise them. Do you mean just those who are primary sources? Or more accurately everybody who a narcissist has encountered?
      Do they keep count. No. I have kept count concerning my primary sources but only for the purposes of ensuring a meaningful level of detail for the purposes of my writing. I did it retrospectively as opposed to keeping tally as I went along.

  4. It is easy to war with everyone because (mostly) everyone is so bloody mediocre and quick to disappoint.

    Everyone is fair game because the potential for disappointment is always there. Just waiting…..

    Hence why every day, every situation is a battle.

    And why I always keep my nails and teeth sharp.

    1. Hi B and T,
      I have a question, hope it’s ok to ask as Im curious. Does it ever get fatiguing to battle? I know it wears me out, but Ido not function primarily on fuel so I have a different experience. Battle actually takes energy away from me, at least that is how it feels when I fight (rarely).

      Also, it’s facinating to have a female on here to give the female perspective of a higher functioning predator (not meant as insult). It’s not seen in the media much. If we do talk labels, (I do t like them either, though I live/work in a world of labels) often females are over diagnosed with borderline personality and men with narcicism. It’s interesting how sexism can lead to biases on what is known. Have you thought of writing on this, or of your own experience?

      If you do not wish to answer, I understand too.

      1. For me, no, it doesn`t get tiring. It`s like breathing. It`s thrilling and exciting.

        Thank you for your kind comments. I received a diagnosis from a team of doctors long ago and it is what it is. I always knew I was different and was very aware of my uniqueness in how I acted, felt (or didn`t feel) and experienced/perceived things.

        No, I don`t feel the need to write about my experiences because I don`t care if people understand me and why I am the way I am. I won`t apologize for being who I am – I was made this way and I am quite proud of it. I own it. I live with it. And I have done quite well for myself in life.

        Besides, I know there is someone out there who will accept and adore me without judgment. I know it because I feel it and I feel it because I know it and THAT is all I really care about.

        That being said, as long as HG permits it, I will certainly answer questions about my POV or MO from those who are genuinely curious and want to know.

      2. Thank you, BT. I’m here to learn both about myself, heal, and about other people’s POV, so I’m grateful for your response. I think there is a possibility that females and males with various cluster B traits may look very different (not only due to the spectrum of traits but gender differences too given that society is so tough on strong women in general) So, if HG permits, I’d like to learn more from you both. I’m sure many here would benefit. No smoke blowing here, actual genuine desire to learn and know from each side. I don’t believe there is a publically well known female elite narcicist, is there?

      3. I am not going to share my label because, as I said, I define it – not the other way around.

        I don’t claim to be an Elite anything (Narc or otherwise). I am who and what I am.

        Ask away, Indy. 🙂

      4. That’s totally fair. Plus, I actually like that you define who you are, not the other way. It’s something I found important in my healing of myself when I was diagnosed (mood disorder). When I got outside of the label, I felt less disordered and more empowered. It’s a position of strength that I think is important for all of us to realize, that we are above labels 😊 I’m running to second job, I will think of some questions. I am curious if your traits make you naturally a more effective person in certain management or higher positions. Thinking ceo, exec, etc. Also, have you had friends with similar traits and does it make it easier, more difficult, or neither.
        Thank you again for being willing to answer.

      5. The traits I possess make me a highly effective businesswoman, although I have to be stimulated and challenged in order to keep myself from getting bored. Boredom is a huge motivator for me and it`s rare I find people or situations who cam stimulate me for very long. It does happen, but it`s rare.

        We are born leaders, like it or not. Throughout history, our kind have always emerged to inspire people and to shape the future. Narcissism can be extraordinarily useful—even necessary. Even Freud shifted his views about narcissism over time and recognized that we are all somewhat narcissistic.

        Many of our kind are gifted and creative strategists who see the big picture and find meaning in the risky challenge of changing the world and leaving behind a legacy. One reason people look to our kind in times of great transition is that we have the audacity to push through the massive transformations that society periodically undertakes.

        We are not only risk takers willing to get the job done but also charmers who can convert the masses with our rhetoric. We are independent and not easily impressed. We are innovators, driven in business to gain power and glory. We are experts in our industries, but we go beyond it. We pose the critical questions. We want to learn everything about everything that affects the company and its products. We want to be admired, not loved.

        We are known for having vision and are able to see the big picture. Some people see things as they are and ask why; we see things that never were and ask why not.

        We are especially gifted in attracting followers, and more often than not, we do so through language. We believe that words can move mountains and that inspiring speeches can change people. We are often skillful orators, and this is one of the talents that makes us so charismatic. Indeed, anyone who has seen us perform can attest to our personal magnetism and ability to stir enthusiasm among audiences.

        I have friends and family members with similar traits, but I mostly like to surround myself with people who are easily taken in by my charm and beauty. There are some exceptions to that general rule, but not many. And none I care to explain here.

      6. BT, thank you so much for your detailed description of those strengths. It is funny, ABB and I were just having a conversation yesterday about the strengths that are so useful and can make for great success. And, I can imagine for a women, in the business world, even more so! Natural leaders, movers/shakers, motivators, attractive to others, charming, creative and fast processors. Great strengths to have to effect change.

      7. Well, being a female, I can get nearly anything I want (from a man anyway) thanks to my fine ass(ets). HA!

        In all seriousness though, it`s easy for me to make others weak in the knees or to make them see my point and I do believe that is partly because I am me and so good at what I do, and partly because I am an attractive, confident female.

        I have no qualms about that either. I will use and do whatever it takes to get what I want. I have no shame or moral compass, really. Nothing is off limits.

    1. Nikita, I agree!!!! It makes a big difference to me. I couldn’t get through a quarter of one of his books. Thanks for yours HG

  5. Thank you HG .

    TBH I don’t think this person has heard you & was merely reacting to the fact that she couldn’t understand why anyone would want to read the work or indeed interact with a self confessed narcissist when they know that you get fuel from it .
    Several people, agreed that where better to get honest answers than from the horses mouth so to speak. When I saw her comment I did mention that you’re definitely not SV . 🙂

    Good news though hey ! ..

    1. Thank you So Sad, it is a reaction which happens from time to time but an uninformed and ultimately self-defeating one. The fuel gained is minimal (although of course they would not know this because they would not bother to engage to understand that), the reader is will actually gain more from the experience that I do and as you rightly point out, where better to obtain the honest and enlightening answers from. The hesitancy and scepticism is understandable although it must be pointed out that these people are very much in the minority.

  6. Good Morning HG .

    Do you want the good news or the bad news first 🙂 ..

    ( Don’t panic it’s funny bad news not bad,bad news lol )

      1. Morning HG .

        The good news is that word of you, your books & the blog is spreading over on DV UK . ( nearly 4000 members ) ..

        The bad news is someone thought you & Sam Vaknin are the same person. Hahaha.

      2. Good morning SS,

        Well that is good news in terms of spreading the word and thank you for your role in that.

        As far as I know, that is the first time anybody has suggested that SV and I are the same person, they have evidently not heard either of us speak! Two major differences between SV and I.
        1. He is versed in the science of narcissism having studied the psychology etc. I am not qualified in that regard and believe that conveying narcissism in a user-friendly way with my own terminology suits certain people better; and
        2. We sound completely different.

        There are probably other differences too but I don’t know SV and he does not know me.

      3. I try to explain to others about Mr. HG books, but they don’t quite understand what NPD is all about, and then they just sort of think I’m being obsessive, or they say I’d frighten any narcissist away because of the way I behave. But, that’s not true.

      4. Yes. I get a similar reaction from some people Miracay , but in the main most people I recommend HGs blog to can’t wait to read it .

        Personally I’ve learned so much from it to the point where a friend of mine has recently started dating a man who’s clearly showing narcissistic traits. Even though I’m pointing them out to her, she’s not listening because she’s bang in the middle of the “Golden period” & I’m as she says oversensitive & think every man I come across is abusive .
        Time will tell, but asking to move in with her & getting engaged after 12 weeks has set my narcdar off 🙂

      5. Yes, the first Narcissist wanted to marry me in a matter of only knowing me for about 2 weeks, or less. The second, after a couple months, but he was in a different country, and had not personally met me, but only thru daily SKYPE, Voice Calls, and daily messaging. Still, he lured me in and I thought I had indeed found my heart’s mate.

  7. Thank you for clarifying that for me, I really didn’t want to leave, I am learning much from you and admire how you are helping others. I do hope I have not criticize you in any way. If I have I do apologize. You have helped me out in many ways, and for that I am grateful.

  8. HG. Someday i hope you find peace. I hope you win the war against the Creature. War is so heartbreaking and counter-productive. Your Ae comment brought back to mind that the Zone Rouge will never be habitable again. Thank you WWI.

    Desmond Doss…there is a movie coming out about him. I wish all enlistees would choose his stance. I’ve always said to put the ones who want to declare war in a room. They would be butt naked, cold and hungry. They could find a solution or eat each other alive in that room. The last one standing would get life in prison. It would all be televised or interneted for the people who don’t want war to see. It wouldn’t be pleasant for sure.

      1. Hi. There may be a book. I’m old so I remember it from history teachings around WWI. I subscribe to various magazines and was catching up on reading. The Red Zone or Zone Rouge is an area in Verdun France in which the Germans used massive attacks with mortars filled with gas. They were weapons of mass destruction. The poisons were as deadly or more so than the mortars. The unexploded mortars make walking around that area not a good idea. What’s worse is that the chemicals are leeching into the soil so even if every mortar was found it’s a toxic waste dump not fit to sustain life. People would likely get cancer. The consequences of war never end, I guess is the point.

        The real War that HG is fignting is in his mind. The World is collateral damage.

      2. Thank you, Jaded, for this explanation very much. Now, I understand. War is so terrible, whether in the world, or someone’s mind 🙁

      3. It is an area in France declared inhabitable due to leftover spoils of war. I suppose bombs and such. Nature was allowed to take it back. My father was E.O.D in the Army. He dismantled explosives. He was a very cool man. Love him always.
        (I had to research myself)

  9. HG, do you believe in a higher power? For me, it’s God. I ask because I often wonder if one of your kind could be saved from this inner war, this need for fuel, the emptiness you feel when low on fuel.
    I believe God saves people but the must submit to Him. But I wonder if therein lies the issue. Because your kind do not submit to anyone.

    This post makes me feel sad for you and my husband. I can’t imagine being at war all the time. I enjoy just living a contented life. No drama, no wars.

  10. Mr Tudor . I was severely abused as a child and I’m 26 years old now . My mother my father and my sister are all dead . I have no family left . I struggle with my memories and my traumatic childhood every single day . I still choose to love and help others although the world has hurt me and almost killed me spiritually and physically . So why is it that I can love and want to help people and save animals especially endangered species and I have no desire to control others or hurt others and you do ? I feel as though to want to control others emotions and the environment around me negatively that would be exhausting and stressful . I would be so tired after a while . So wouldn’t it be easier to choose love ? With the manipulations and how you live I’m sure you are always making enemies and maybe having issues with the law and you have to deal with the negative opinions of you from friends and family and others . It would be less stressful to me to just not go out of my way to inflict pain .

    1. Starr, would you consider that you are co-dependent before I answer your question? If you are that will alter the answer which has formed at my finger tips.

  11. It was only after escape that I realised what he was. I told him by text I didn’t want any more contact, before discovering that No Contact is the only weapon that we have in our defence (thanks to HG’s blog and books).

    I wonder if it was through some kind of sixth sense that I realised the whole relationship was frustrating and futile (for me, anyway). I knew somehow he wouldn’t/ couldn’t change. It was a battle I could never win, and anyway I have no desire to be part of a war zone relationship.

    The night before I finished it I stayed up all night thinking and drinking. I sent him a text at 6am saying “I hope you find peace within yourself”. Now I understand he never will find peace, unfortunately. Most likely he would have taken it as a criticism as if I was implying there was something wrong with him, rather than the sincere and heartfelt hope for him that it was/ still is. It is like we speak different languages.

    He can go take his destruction and devastation elsewhere. No Contact is my nuclear bunker.
    And he can go stick his hoovers where the sun don’t shine 😉

  12. It never ceases to amaze me the ease with which my mother falls out with people. Anyone from her manicurist to the people she hired to lay the new carpet in the basement to my sister to a stranger over a parking space to the president of the university where she works.

      1. I’m sorry, Cara. I was so very afraid of my mom. I use to think she was a demon. I mean, I still love her because I just do. But, she was so scary and caused terror in me. I lived in my bedroom for around 3-4 years just because I was so withdrawn. But, I liked it inside my bedroom! I felt safe there.

      2. HG, the neighbors she arbitrarily picked fights with when I was a kid would then look at me like “there goes the bitch’s daughter” when I hadn’t done anything to them.

      3. Interesting. I suspect that many of those who crossed Matrinarc felt the same way about me but they knew better than to give any indication to me that that was the case.

      4. Between my mother picking fights with neighbors, my grandfather following my sisters and I to school (with a large mahogany stick he called a “beater”, meant to keep the boys off us because he thought he alone was entitled to use us sexually), my father letting my mother emasculate him & my parents having no friends, the general consensus was that we (our household) were sort of a family of sideshow freaks. That we didn’t belong to the community, we were OTHER.

      5. Plus, I can angry in a way that is not controllable. It takes me a long time to get angry, but when I do… I get this superhuman strength of demeanor and mentality that I don’t know from where it comes. But, I change. I will stand up to anyone, anywhere, when this happens…

      6. Cara, I bet that’s just how you feel, but anyone with sense with know you are not her, and you should not be hated becuz of her. Anyone who hates you for that is not worth your acknowledgment of their hate. I hope this make sense.

  13. HG, the God of War. One would think you were an Aries (a lovely sign, btw)….not that I’m astrological or anything 😉

      1. DC, In my opinion, what makes an excellent sexual partner is a willing participant of what you desire to do. I have found the month of birth being of no factor.
        I have had to do extensive research to come to this conclusion. 😉
        Narcs are never your lover; they do not LOVE. They are will participants.

      2. True SA, many are willing to do what you want BUT only a few can actually perform in unison with you. I am only stating facts from my experience…I do suppose I should add that Capricorns are also excellent lovers… I’m a Taurus though so I demand extra attention in that department…..
        And you are right SA, narcs are not my lover but they fake so well….at least in bed!

      3. I’ve had many Aries in my life and I have to agree with that statement. I’m a Capricorn soooo hahaha. And, I know that astrological signs do not necessarily determine traits too. Just a fun reference for me and my small sample 😊

      4. Yes Indy, I don’t really believe in astrological signs BUT it is fun to analyze them from time to time! 🙂 (especially when they tend to be the same signs over and over)

      5. Indeed! Nice seeing you back around! Hope you are not being hoovered as I recall last time he popped up here.

      6. Thank you Indy! It is nice to be back… I actually had to get a restraining order as this wasn’t the only place he was hoovering. I had to step out for a bit because I it felt like some of HGs’ posts were really my ex and me going at it! 😮 Everything is much better….for now! 😉

      7. That is smart on his behalf, my restraining order also includes social media… That was the judges write in! So protect your kind, if he does…keep it to yourself!

      8. Hugs, hope you continue to remain safe. It takes great courage to get a restraining order and stand your ground. I was one step from restraining order with my ex about 3 weeks ago. He has stopped contact finally. Hoping he continues to respect the boundaries I’ve set.

      9. Hi Lily, fellow Cappy 😄
        My ex narcicists were a range, one was an Aries, one a libra cusp, one a Leo and the most recent an aquarian. I think someone said on here that they have had them fall in all the signs. I tend to agree with that, as Sun signs slone tell only so much. And, it’s for fun. I’m a mix of hippy and science lol….

  14. Hello HG,
    What do you feel when you first wake up in the morning? I know you sleep well because you do not feel guilt or remorse like we do and you must be able to sleep well because you were able to make it through the day gaining all the fuel you need to keep the creature away. But do you ever feel anxious because of the continuous fight that you have every single day? And then you say you can’t win. I want you to win HG!!! What do the good doctors say about winning the war? Have a good evening🍎

      1. Now I know your morning ritual. That was a very interesting article HG. Now I wonder how you will be able to get past the first hour without the fuel that you need when you are trying your experiment for a week. Do the doctors have a specific routine that you are to follow? Have you come up with a plan? What will you do with your phone?

      2. Ha ha indeed you do. Now you see the scale of the task. The question of a routine has yet to be established as no time slot has been identified for this to take place. My phone will not be with me.

  15. I have a few more questions to ask you, Mr. Tudor, but I will wait as I feel I have already asked too many and used up too much of your time already. Thank you and good night! I shall return to what I was doing.

  16. Hi Sir Tudor, checking if you got my post re: Hoovers in short, serial relationships + comment I made re: seeing you on YouTube. It disappeared off my phone so not sure if sent. I was trying to input name, if other than ???!! as name shown publicly, please don’t post

      1. Thank you, Sir Tudor. I presume you haven’t answered it yet as I don’t see it on any of the posts. I can’t remember which one I was in when it accidentally sent. I will check to be notified from this post as I wasn’t able to check whichever one I sent it from. No more will I respond from a phone. I really appreciate you answering our questions. Thinking how you think, we must sometimes drive you crazy and be annoying with what probably seem petty issues that you have endlessly answered. I’m in a situation now where I won’t be involved romantically with anyone, and the mystery of what all happened is something I want to solve and know every detail of. What I thought was forever disappeared – left me reeling, trying to figure him out, his double life, what exactly happened… He sure was an interesting one. A book could be written. It was the best thing that he ended it but so hard to get over.. And I’m glad you found a venue (writing) that seems like you enjoy very much. Funny how things work out.

      1. Okay, thank you. I appreciate it greatly. If I ever say something you do not like, please tell me because it is not my intention to ever criticize you, but only to gather your valuable information and feedback. And, I do thank you very much for your time- more than I can convey. I’m not trying to flatter you because I fear for my life, or anything; I really mean what I say, or else I wouldn’t say it. In fact, sometimes you make me angry, too! 🙂

      2. It is understandable that I will make you angry and you are entitled to state as such. If you say something that I do not like, there is no need for me to bring it to your attention. If is a rant, it is fuel, if it is a non-fuel criticism I will deal with it in the manner that I always do, outside of this arena, but your sentiments are noted and appreciated. Your approach of wanting to feedback and gather information is appropriate and desired.

      3. Meow, excellent choice… But you do realize the 9 tail is better than the rest anyhow. Imagine the time you waste on waiting for one little, additional tail!

  17. HG, I liked your post – the picture of the blazing earth set it in perspective. I have noticed this in my interactions…it’s an intense energy. At first, I was about to go insane until I got more used to it – but I loved how you described it because it is so true…it’s a war – 24-7 and the tension is THICK!! And it never ends…

    Made me think…when you wrote: “You don’t fall out with people, well only me and that is my doing.” In a previous post, you had mentioned that Narcissists do have friendships but didn’t mention gender…as we all know that to your intimate partner, you have several girls that are “just friends” (wink wink) – but that made me think…can a Narcissist have a close friendship with a woman that is purely platonic for a long period of time or do those relationships revert to fall-out eventually (not including friends with benefits) but like a real mutual friendship outside of family or co-workers?

    In my Narcissist training, I could make an argument for either yes or no (I am at that stage…I shall get it one day, HG!) with a Narcissist for different reasons but was curious on your input?

    1. Hi Sarah, yes we can have platonic friends of the opposite sex so long as they provide fuel. Sexual intimacy need not happen (although of course it is an excellent way of binding someone to us and gaining fuel) but can. Where it does that does not mean the person becomes a primary source, one can have an intimate partner as a secondary source and there need not be a devaluation (indeed one might argue that begin kept as a booty call or a FWB always waiting for that call is a form of devaluation from the off.) Where there is no sexual intimacy, one can have a secondary source who is of the opposite sex and their golden period can last a long time.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.