Love or Hate?

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Which do you prefer? Love or hate? This is something that I am asked and of course it is a pertinent question which is relevant to the issue of fuel. When I am asked this question, it tends to be as an adjunct to other considerations such as: –

–         Why can’t you just always want the positive fuel from someone? Let them give you love all the time.

–         Why does somebody hating you make you feel more powerful than somebody loving you?

–         Are you addicted to causing pain so you can get negative fuel from somebody?

So, what do my kind and me prefer? Do we prefer to be loved or do we prefer to be hated? The answer is; it depends on the nature of the appliance.

As I have explained before, the appliances which supply us with fuel are broken down into three groups. Primary, secondary and tertiary. Our attitude as to the type of fuel that is preferred is governed by the source.

Tertiary – this includes groups such as strangers and remote strangers. We are pretty even-handed when it comes to our preference of the type of fuel we receive from those in the tertiary group. Positive fuel is welcomed, so for example we might be complimented on our car by a passing stranger or we may receive an admiring smile because we look good when we get into a lift. Indeed, if we are at an event and we receive acknowledgement and applause from a crowd of people then this is a considerable positive provision of fuel from their admiration. This serves our purpose in receiving fuel and maintain our façade. We are however content to draw negative fuel from strangers for instance by upbraiding a waiter for being slow to serve us or criticising the behaviour of somebody in the street. Their reaction of indignance, annoyance or upset will provide us with negative fuel and in many instances treating somebody in this manner will not damage out façade as we will be selective as to when we engage in this. Keep in mind that often we will seek a negative reaction even though that person has not done anything wrong, as this amplifies their emotional response. If the waiter has been slow, he will apologise as he recognises his service has been sub-standard. This provides fuel. If he has been prompt but it is denigrated for his service and it is done in a haughty and arrogant manner, he will not be able to keep his expression from belying his real feelings (even if he doesn’t air them) and thus the fuel garnered is even greater. It is even better if he erupts and is unable to keep his feelings under control as the fuel will burst from him.

This treatment of a tertiary source in this manner is often done as part of a triangulation. It will be done to impress another source that is with us, possibly a group of inner circle friends or the intimate partner. Thus we exhibit our confidence and lack of acceptance for shoddy service. The tertiary source provides fuel from being criticised and the other source provides a positive response for seeing us acting in such a masterful and demanding way. Even if the other source does not approve of how we have spoken to someone and reacts to us, it does not matter, because, yes, you’ve guessed it, it is yet more fuel.

Since the tertiary source is not someone we rely on for repeated provision of fuel it does not matter to us if they withdraw and will not have anything to do with us ever again. It is not hard to engage with tertiary sources as they are everywhere. We do not need to seduce them or cultivate a relationship with them in order to draw fuel. Tertiary sources either provide it just by seeing us or at the slight prompt from a comment or remark from us, whether it is positive or negative.

Secondary – we prefer positive fuel from our secondary sources. The secondary sources include colleagues, friends and family member. This is not to say that negative fuel is not collected from secondary sources, it is and I shall deal with that below, but it is usually positive fuel that we take from our secondary sources. We do this because the secondary sources are where our coterie comes from and where our Lieutenants lurk. By treating them well we secure their obedience (although sometimes we may need to lash out to ensure compliance) and therefore we are more likely to achieve what we want. As I have explained in the past, we draw three main things from our victims (and by victim I mean everybody we interact with)

  1. Fuel;
  2. Traits and characteristics for our construct to claim as our own;
  3. Residual benefits (money, accommodation, resources, assistance)

Whilst these can be obtained from tertiary sources, that group is mainly reserved for the provision of fuel.

The secondary sources provide all three of the above and therefore by keeping them around and ensuring that they like, love and adore us, we are more likely to achieve the receipt of these three items.

The secondary source is where the façade comes from. Accordingly, we do not want a range of people hating us and agreeing with you as the primary source. We want a solid and loyal wall of people who are in complete agreement that we are decent and wonderful.

We also do not rely on the fuel provision from secondary sources anywhere near as much as we from the primary source. This is for two reasons:

  1. There are more people who can be secondary sources. In theory, the number is limitless; and
  2. We see the secondary sources less often, speak to them less often, message them less often than the primary source.

Thus we have variety and less reliance which means that it is almost impossible that we will find the fuel of one secondary source to be stale which would result in discard. Indeed, the discard of a secondary source is more likely to happen because they have worked us out and do not wish to engage with us anymore (thus they stop providing fuel altogether) or they have moved away and our interaction is so intermittent as to be useless to us. A further reason for the discard of the secondary source is if they defy our instructions and become a traitor. We may devalue them but it usually is far more effective to cut them adrift and recruit somebody else. This will happen to a family member who turns against us, or a friend is disloyal. They will be isolated, shunned and used to triangulate with – “Do what I want or you will end up like Peter, remember him? Nobody sees him around these days after what he did.”

We are rarely short of being able to attract new appliance to be our secondary sources.

Accordingly, for these reasons we are far more likely to draw positive fuel from the secondary sources and we prefer for them to adore us, admire us and love us. We may draw sexual partners from the secondary sources. They will not be crowned as a primary source but rather this will be done to keep them close to us, to coerce them to do our bidding and of course to provide us with fuel during the sexual act.

Thus, it is secondary sources who can find themselves in almost perpetual golden periods as they keep providing us with positive fuel.

Primary – this is the group that most people find themselves in when they have had an encounter with our kind. In terms of the reaction we want from our primary source (who is almost always an intimate partner) we of course want a positive one. We hope that this lasts forever because the primary source, as the name suggests, is the appliance which gives us the most fuel, most often and to the highest degree. With such a high standard to maintain in terms of amount, frequency and potency, the primary source is also the appliance which runs the greatest risk of malfunctioning and that fuel dropping off. It may be less, it may not be provided as often as it should and/or its potency may well have been reduced, either because it has become too familiar and/or the provider is not making the effort to maintain its potency.

You may think that when this happens, why not just discard and put in place a new primary source who will start with new positive fuel afresh? A valid question. We do not because: –

  1. This would take time and therefore we would be without a primary source for a certain length of time. Our fuel levels would drop and this would be detrimental to us.
  2. There needs to be a near seamless shift between primary sources. This would not happen in the scenario above.
  3. You must be punished for failing us, hence the devaluation.
  4. The negative fuel is very powerful. Of course, we cannot draw that straight away from a primary source otherwise if we commenced the relationship by hurting somebody they would leave us and thus the fuel source would be lost. We need to bind you to us first through the seduction and golden period so that when the devaluation begins you are will not depart but rather stay and provide us with the negative fuel.
  5. The negative fuel provides us with the power to seduce a replacement primary source which we will attach and then discard you.
  6. The negative fuel is so powerful because it is harder to make someone cry, become angry, frustrated and so forth compared to the presentation of positive emotions. Being able to do this to someone underlines the nature of our power over the primary source.
  7. The negative fuel is powerful because of the contrast it affords us when compared to the positive fuel.

Since the primary source is the person who provides us with most of our fuel, it is they who are subjected to this need for both positive and negative fuel. We also keep moving between the two (the contrast causing the fuel to remain potent) and this is why we switch so often and seemingly without warning.

So, do we want you to love us or hate us? It all depends on where you fit into the various appliances that we have attached to us.

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218 thoughts on “Love or Hate?”

  1. I have read exorcism but I’m attached to a narcissist who taught me dance for three years that comes from a foreign culture and he is the only person who can in the country.
    *mindfuck
    How to break attachment when I invested all my joy

  2. HG. I had not blocked him. However, I thought it was odd he did not text? Why do you think that is? I was somewhat shocked. This was our second longer nc in 3 years. Both seemed right around 5 weeks. I was actually happy that he reached out. I would think something in his plan didn’t go accordingly. I have no desire to reach out to him at this moment. Sadly, i do miss parts of him;)

  3. HG…Of course you were correct in knowing he would be back. He emailed me yesterday after 5 weeks of NC. “Well Wishes…Hope you are well. Wishing you the best”. I read Exorcism as well. Great read. I admit I am struggling but will continue to read your work and move past this emotion. I am hopeful! Thank you:)

    1. Hello Smoke, yes indeed. How did you feel when you received the e-mail? Why was he able to e-mail you? Did you respond? Keep reading, you have the right mind set to drive forward.

  4. HG what do you recommend to get him out of my system? I keep trying but he always creeps back into my thoughts. Every morning and everynight. He has a strong hold on me. I have remained no contact.

    1. Read Exorcism, Smoke, it’s all in there. Then keep reading my work in my books and here so you get a daily reminder of why you need to remain no contact and your understanding will keep increasing and push the emotion aside.

  5. I feel as though I have been the primary fuel source for the past 3 years. In the last few months I have been blocked and given the silent treatment for extended periods of time. Our last interaction escalated as far as his rage. I told him he needed to leave and he was upset but did. Texted me shortly after telling me it was all my fault that we would never work. I blocked him. Although I did see him online dating and his profile disappeared. I’m sure he has replaced me as he has been working hard at giving me the silent treatment. I had started to message him I was so mad at how I could just be replaced as the primary source. Like I never mattered. He later sent me an email telling me that he was sorry for hurting me but he had decided to take another direction and had requested I respect his decision. It had been several and i have him blocked still. I’m having trouble forgetting him as expected. He was poor with nothing and I loved him unconditionally with the hopes he was changing. He recently moved and we no longer communicate. I don’t know if he is trying to which. I would like to know. I’m sure he isn’t as he is love bombing my replacement, as I now know is a narcissist.

  6. I beleeive I was the primary fuel source for almost 3 years. Last few months on and off silent treatment. Blocked me for extended periods of time. He displayed quite a bit of rage the last time we were together. He told me we didn’t work because of me. I contacted him with my disappointment for a day or two while I was unblocked. He apologized for hurting me but continued to blame me. Told me he was heading in a new direction and to respect his decision. I guess that’s code for I found an abundance of new supply. Didn’t think he would ever leave. I blocked him so I have no idea if he has tried to contact me over the last few weeks or if he ever will again. I have learned so much and just can’t believe everything he has most likely done for the last 3 years as far as cheating. I was never able to touch his phone. Now I know why.

  7. Wow, huge thread!

    I think the NTEAN secretly hated himself. Had to ask him to quit bringing up his long-gone mother/her critical comments, which I’m sure pissed him off royally. I musta been a fuel dud haha

  8. Oh, I am sorry HG Tudor. I feel embarrassed, of course, which is unusual for me. I am sorry I got my Geography mixed up 🙁 I have so many thoughts spiraling through my head, which is no excuse. I am confused as to what countries are included in the UK- all of them. Thank you for granting me this information. (No ladies, I am not kissing *ss, but I wouldn’t mind if I was (wink)). I should have known:-( Oh, I think I made the mistake of saying “British women”, as opposed to “American women”. I do see my mistake, now. Of course, the women are gorgeous from everywhere around the world. But, there is only ONE HG Tudor, Sociopath!
    Sorry for rambling.

  9. Mr Tudor those cities are known for violence and I think a lot of the women who live there if they were victimized that would go crazy on their abusers . Have you ever travelled to the United States ? I live in Alabama and I’m not a fan of the south to much although we have a lot of beautiful nature and wildlife places . I still want to visit NYC that is one on my bucket list . Oh and please do not think that the candidates in our current election especially Donald Trump represent the character of the U.S as a whole . I’m deeply ashamed that he is a candidate
    . On another note though of course I have thought about maybe getting even somehow with my ex . Maybe zapping him in the male genitals with a taser gun would suffice or maybe something worse . Hmmm I don’t know . To bad I would face jail time if I were to just to cut it off all together , but I have decided at the end of the day to just let go and hope he can find peace within himself and maybe one day he will understand that love is what truly matters and without live in your life it will be almost in possible to find peace and happiness . He has unprotected sex with whoever he can find and he uses people effortlessly . I remember we were having a conversation and I asked him why he has sex with people he barely knows and why he is the way he is and he told me he has a void and he fills it with whatever he can but sex is his main temporary filler . Why sex I don’t know and I fear he is going to self destruct and lose his job and his home and car because he has low impulse control and has an awful problem with trying to seduce anyone he can even his best friends wife he tried to seduce while drunk. When he drinks it makes it so much worse and he tries to get close to any girl he can in a sexual way . I don’t understand his behavior .

    1. I was not aware of their reputation albeit can it not be said that any city has a reputation for violence? What is it about these two that makes them stand out? I am interested to learn. I have been to the United States, I do like the US and its people. I like the “can do” attitude that prevails. I remember walking into a department store in Tampa some years ago and there was an attractive young lady at the door doing a meet and greet.
      “How are you today?” she asked pleasantly.
      “I’m excellent well, how are you, you look lovely,” I answered with a winning smile. She was taken aback and stuttered an answer which I found strange but moved on. It was only after entering similar stores that I realised the people on the door did not expect an answer or even further to be asked about how they were. They were just there to sound welcoming which I found rather entertaining yet endearing. I do like Florida. I know it is labelled the state of the newly wed and the nearly dead but I have had numerous adventures there in my time.
      I watch your presidential election candidates and the ongoing campaigning with interest. I of course recognise that The Donald is not representative of the US as a whole, you need not worry about that. I actually think he doesn’t want the job now, he wanted to prove a point, but he has clearly tapped into the some psyche which resonates and people identify with him. Are you/were you a Bernie Sanders supporter?
      As for your ex, tempting as it may be, a Taser to the bollocks is not a good move, but you see that. His behaviour is driven by the need for fuel and it governs him to such a degree that everything else is secondary with the consequence that things will fall apart. that is what happens with those of our kind who a low control threshold. He is not your problem. Sure, understand why he is as he is by continuing your reading here, but you must focus on yourself and not him.

      1. Actually you would be able to seduce American women a lot easier than the British ones probably because a British gentlemen is the perfect piece of candy and the perfect treat . The accent and the elegance really gets us . Also I do like Bernie , I feel as though he truly cares about about people that are struggling or people with disabilities both mental and physical . With that being said I’m also really into conspiracies theories and I’m sure everything is planned and ran by the free masons anyway . The illuminati controls it all . I love literature and history and my ex loved history but he was more into Hitler and North and South Korea. He also had an admiration for Putin . He told me he wanted world domination and to be a dictator and rid the world of inferiors and create a perfect land . Does that sound narcissistic to you or more sociopathic or psychopathic . He scored an almost perfect score when I gave him the PCLR psychopathy checklist assessment . He has never been in jail and that is the only one he didn’t get . I’m also not licensed I just did it on a whim . I don’t know why anyone would want world domination though and to be a politician . That is way to much responsibility and stress . I know you say focus on myself but that is the problem . I’m so depressed and traumatized I can barely get out of bed . I can’t focus on anything I’m scared of people and new places with new people is very scary and stressful to me now . I want to go back to college but this whole ordeal and heartbreak has messed my head up so bad I can’t better myself . It’s like he stole me from me . He killed me without physically making me stop breathing . This is how I feel from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed and then I have nightmares

        It’s like being a fish out of water . You are slowly dying gasping for air. You watch the world around you go on . You see nature you see people . You though are slowly dying . You can’t move . You can’t think about anything but this slow tortuous death without air . You want it to end and you want to die because the pain and suffering is to much to bear . The only problem is the person who reeled you in and what you trusted and what you though you knew hence the bait is the only one that can save your life . Everything you ever knew about the world and yourself is shattered and thus in a way you have created your own hell . The fishermen who reeled you in walks away without a second thought and you are still left dying and not being able to breathe . The only difference is the fish dies and we are left dying for years and endless years to come .

      2. Thank you Starr the accent is always well received and thank you for expanding on your thoughts. Most leaders are narcissistic and the especially despotic ones will be sociopathic or psychopathic. It always brings to mind the question of do you become a leader because you have those traits or do they become exacerbated because of the power that you wield, having people bend to your will so often?
        With regard to your own situation, read and understand so that you process the emotion from your system and little by little you will start to regain the control in your life and overcome the emotional infection which has occurred as a consequence of your entanglement. I can offer you insight to understand what has happened and to counter some of the effects of your entanglement but other elements of your situation seem to me to require assistance from family, friends and medical professionals given what you describe.

      3. I dated a few Brits in my time. It was the look they had not the accent for me. Jackson Nauton was one. I think this was his last name. He was good looking as hell but a real pig with women. No doubt a Narc. He took his best friends wife when he became paralyzed in a car accident. >

      4. I believe those 2 cities – Atlanta and Chicago were mentioned because of having the highest crime rates and gang violence in the nation. Chicago South Side is extremely dangerous. However, all women from those cities are not the same. I believe you are drawn to women of more refinement – not the ghetto fabulous hoodrat that will have her ‘cousins’ jump you for doing her wrong.
        Just the same, that kind of woman wouldn’t be drawn to you… She’d more prefer the lesser narcissist that has poor impulse control and excels in street crime. He’d also have ‘cousins’… so the fight would be balanced.

      5. I believe this is the continuation from the posts of women in these cities are prone to violence due to passion. I need to chime in and say crimes of passion happen across the board. There in nota demographic that has the lock up on this. It is world wide and in all social and economical classes. Crimes of passion does not discriminate. >

  10. Maybe not that English women are any classier than the lovely, beautiful British women, but just maybe not as reserved and rigid. An American woman definitely knows how to “get down and dirty” when it counts, I have heard.

    1. On a point of order, English women are included in British women. Great Britain is England, Wales, Scotland. The United Kingdom is those three countries plus Northern Ireland.
      Thus a comparison between English women and British women is not entirely accurate.

      1. I regard the moon in a special way HG. She is jealous and fickle. So for me it was her guts.

    1. After watching the video, I have a new respect for this song. Usually the finger went click on the car radio…yes old, so radio button. I see where you see blood, B&T.

      1. This song makes my body move. I adore it.

        The video is hedonistic which also appeals to me.

  11. Indifference is infuriating and debilitating.

    But there`s a big difference between true indifference and feigned indifference. You can always tell when someone is really, truly, 100 per cent indifferent and unaffected by the things you say and do to them, and when they are just trying to put up a front. If there`s a crack in the foundation, and often there is, even if you have to work a little harder for the emotional reaction, you know it`s in there somewhere.

    For victims, that is the only way you can bring about your salvation. You need to be completely unaffected by everything said and done to illicit any kind of emotional response – rage, fear, joy, sadness, love, lust – all of it. From what I have read here, that is difficult for victims because many of you go back and forth between remembering the beauty, intensity and glory of the Golden Period and trying to comprehend how it all went to hell in a handcart so quickly and without warning.

    Not an easy or enviable position to be in, I imagine.

    1. well said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I do enjoy very much reading your comments 😃😃 B&T. You are what my mom would call a woman with alot of personality…, when she said this she was not exactly referring to me 😂😂

      1. That`s very nice of you to say Nikita and I thank you for the kind words.

        You are possibly one of the sweetest people I know. In fact, you make my teeth ache, you are so sweet. And that`s not a bad thing. 🙂

      2. I did Nikita. I find this one suits me better.

        New name same bitch. Lol!!!!

        Be well sweet one.

  12. That picture…Fuel is the rule for you. Jaded is thisclose to indifference but not quite there. I watched the video to Don’t Go. I hope you find your partner who dances through life with you.

      1. I just watched this video, because I saw YouTube video, yesterday, but it was a different one. Going off your descriptions above, I found the right one with the Escalator scene! It’s so cute and funny! I love it! It’s so weird because the girl reminds me of Me. Same body frame, and everything, and the way she dances and her funny ways. It’s sooooo weird!! And, that’s how people look at me, too!! This is weird. It’s by Estelle, whom I’d never heard of before. It’s called: Why Go- Faithless.

      2. I adore that song and the video is absolutely perfect.

        My favourite part is when they first see each other on the escalator – when they are first aware of each other`s existence. What an edifying feeling, to know there is someone out there who mirrors the most important parts of you.

        It is a perfect illustration of two people walking through life together, hand-in-hand, perfectly in sync.

        She`s out there, HG! Maybe on the escalator……

      3. Your thinking accords with my own B&T, moving through life with nobody truly understanding what you are and then bam, out of nowhere it happens.

      4. Yes, when you least expect it. Isn`t that always the way?

        That is my hope for you, HG. I said it before, I’ll say it again – she’s out there, dancing her way through life, hand outstretched, just waiting for you to take it.

      5. In the end the video is just another iteration of the fairy tale beginning with going through life, finding love at first sight…and ending with happily ever after or in this case, happily at the dining room table. It is an excellent song though.

  13. On your part or ours Mr. Tudor? I feel like the silent treatment and devaluation feel very simulalure to indifference. So does it make you shudder to know someone with major feelings toward you in both directions would/could finally completely shut them off and not care one way or the other?

      1. Well, you have nothing to worry about. That is why those who are chosen are chosen. Asking an empath to be indifferent is like asking an anorexic to eat an entire pizza (sure I’ve offended someone but not trying to…making a point).

      1. Certainly, has he sent you the hatred in some form, in person or in a message and received a nonplussed response from you. Thus he knows that you are not bothered that he hates you.

  14. I interpret your definition of negative fuel as an IP in gut-wrenching pain, begging, crying for you to release her because she cannot take the torture anymore… cannot continue another day because she doesn’t want to live this way. Yet, you smile and tell her to have faith and keep fighting. She then responds that she may one day soon take a knife to her wrists …. Which you just brush off and then you two go out to eat.
    Or would that be positive fuel?

    1. That is an example of negative fuel. So is the IP shouting at me in anger, or stamping her foot in frustration, or crying in loneliness, or sneering at me. There are many, many different forms of negative fuel.
      If we went out to dinner together and she smiled at my suggestion of doing so, that is positive fuel.

      1. Thank you for answering my question. Do you see that scenario as a large amount of fuel spilled or is it just a normal release for you? I am trying to gauge what your fuel level meter is.

      1. Hi ClaudiaSx7. You are funny and make me smile. When I read your comments, I picture Betty Boop speaking. I do sense there may be some horns hidden under that sweet damsel in distress demeanour. Nonetheless, ❤

  15. I feel so bad because I don’t want to miss anything, but I have to go 🙁 I just do not want to miss anything. Oh well, I will be bock..another day 🙁 Good night friends, and non-friends, alike.

      1. Sure. I will elaborate. It is necessary for me to hate the narcissist. By any standard of measure, their actions are deliberate and meant to harm. Predatory. My default position was to give the benefit…try to understand…take the crumbs and think headway was made blah blah blah. I called that love, partnership, an investment. It was all a deception. Exploitation. A lie. Yeah, so I choose now to hate the narcissist as a result. I saw enjoyment of my pain from someone who professed love and thought i was seeing things. The manipulation of facts, triangulation of people, rage, mocking, coldness, false accusations…the whole shootin’ match. Not hard to hate that if you have a sliver of identity left to figure it out. I hate the narcissist for introducing me to hate. But thank my lucky stars i CAN hate the narcissist. Hate is necessary. It does not get in the way. I have a good life again. It is a fact in my life and hopefully my lifetime. That I hated one person. Not bad at all.

    1. Laugh at her so she became more angry and thus more fuel.

      Then the next day report her to the police for threatening behaviour accompanied by a lieutenant who witnessed her outrageous behaviour.

      1. Ohhhh, I would never tell anyone something like that! I was just asking hypothetically. If someone were to tell you they hate you, Mr. Tudor, could they get in trouble by the police?

      2. I am a big fan of yours, Mr. Tudor, as you know. I like being on this blog, and I might be here for a very long time. Hopefully I will never have to go away anywhere because then I would miss you, of course. I believe that “the more fuel, the merrier”? Yes, this is a fitting motto. I am only one of many, many more producers of fuel, but still, ‘every little bit counts’!

      3. Lord one day I hope you don’t mess with the wrong person . Playing with people’s emotions is like playing Russian Roulette . Break the heart of a sweet Empath and they still may lose their minds and be driven to insanity and snap . Every single person on this earth is capable of snapping and losing it and if you keep going the way you are then you yourself might get hurt or worse . You have to be careful with people’s hearts . I suppose the women in England are more classy and sophisticated though and can keep it together pretty well . If you were to piss someone off in Atlanta or Chicago they might get all of their friends and people to come after you . For your own sake and for your own safety maybe you should at least tone down the abuse . Have you ever dated an American woman?

      4. I am entirely confident of dealing with what may arise. I agree there is the potential for someone to snap but based on extensive experience to date those who have been on the receiving end tend to either want to stay away from me, want to get back with me or despite it all wish me well. If someone did come after me I would be able to deal with it. Yes I have dated an American woman, a Floridian from St Petersburg.
        I am interested in why Atlanta or Chicago would be more likely to result in mob justice! Is there something in the water in those places? Are their sporting teams rubbish so they are full of anger and need an outlet?

      5. Oh, I am glad you are an ardent supporter of US, if that means you support them, and I should not read between the lines and consider your way of “supporting” is to be hacking off USA-people’s heads off.

      6. That is hilarious 😂😂
        I’m fairly certain you spend quite a bit of time researching and analyzing your IPs, so they are not of the violent vigilante type.

  16. Wise and keen people know that there is no need to attain Negative Fuel from me, as I am so loving that my Positive Fuel is enough- more than enough- for them. I can give Negative Fuel, too, but they need not vie for it; I will give them both types, naturally, to those whom I love so well! They need not do anything to even attain it. I simply give. This is because I love deeply, intensely, and severely. My medication helps me to not love too much, or else my human-love for others would know no bounds whatsoever. I have good doctors, too.

  17. Makes a lot of sense- explains my ex’s ambivalent behaviours.

    So, narcs only leave when they have another primary source lined up? My ex denied it, but was seen with someone.

    I am not sorry: my friend saw him getting this new woman to do his errands, whilst he sat on his backside. I am free of that.

    1. It is usually the case we will have someone embedded or on the way to being embedded prior to the discard occurring as we want to ensure the primary source of fuel segues.

      1. I do not like it when anyone abandons me for any f****** reason, even if they have more shiny fuel lined up!!!!! Besides, Antiques are higher valued!!!! I feel WHITE FIRE HATE coming on for ‘somebody’, right now. I hate them!!!!! I would leave their sweet, most lovely *ss, before they ever left me!!!!!!

  18. Mr. Tudor I must ask this and give a scenario .

    I wonder how you would react if you and say a girlfriend you have been with and not yet abused were walking down the street and someone robbed and murderer her right in front of your eyes . If you watched her slowly die would you feel anything ? Would any tears form because someone was losing their life . Would you feel any grief or pain or sadness ? Or how about if you were in the devaluation stage and the person who loved you dearly was so tormented and hurt by the abuse they committed suicide would you feel guilty ? To have someone love you unconditionally is rare and for that person to maybe hang themselves because you didn’t treat them right and abused them how would that make you feel ? Is the fuel and torment of others really worth the potential loss of their life ?

    1. No I would not feel sadness. I would be annoyed by the loss of a primary source of fuel.
      I would not feel guilt if somebody committed suicide. As I have said before, I would not want that to happen because I would not want to lose the source of fuel.
      The likelihood of them committing suicide is very low. Even if it were not, it would only matter in the context of the provision of fuel because that is what matters to our kind.

  19. I have come to really try to process the concept of you teaching that it comes down to you having a different world view than the IP. And your driving force is fuel. Negative fuel is ultimately more prized because from your mindset it takes more to generate someone releasing that to you. Does it work both ways then? If negative fuel is so powerful, is it a success when we’ve driven you to being infuriated and having to release all over us expending that precious energy? If fury is one emotion you can feel, should we feel powerful in that we can affect you to risk the façade and expose that side to us, as we would try to hide tears or sadness from only those who were are closest with?
    As far as love or hate, with select few individuals, if I absolutely can’t be loved or if I was betrayed by them, I don’t care at all if they hate me. Better than forgetting me.

    1. I suppose you could look at it that way Clarece although of course it all depends on whether you really want to be on the receiving end of that fury when it is unleashed.

      1. Aha, I’m just asking if by your world view, it is equally powerful for us to extract your “negative” fuel. That is one emotion not faked by you. It’s about as real as it gets.

      2. If you mean specific to me, yes it is, because I can exert considerable control to keep my fury under control. It is less powerful when you are dealing with a Mid-Range or a Lesser and the ignition of their fury happens more readily.

  20. Great description here about how the Narcissist views sources and fuel! Since this always comes down to fuel for the Narcissist, these posts are always amazing to read and you paint it so vividly where it makes sense!

    A question for your consideration: Has there ever been a non-living appliance (like your car or your house or a watch or a gadget) that you have loved? If so, how would you compare that to your favorite human appliance? Did you love it equal, more, or less? And which one do would say you need more – the non-living appliance or the living one?

    Thanks in advance for even reading!

    1. I don’t love gadgets. I desire them, I am impressed by them, I am pleased with the way they function as required, I press a button and it does as I ask. For instance, as I type this response to you I can press a button on my Ipad next to me at my desk and start a piece of music playing which is sent by Bluetooth to the Bose II Soundlink on the other side of my study and the room fills with the rich and full sound of Sweet Harmony by the Beloved. Can you guess why I like this song?

      How does the gadget compare with a human appliance? I admire the technology because it always does what I want it to but it does not give me fuel, so if I have a human appliance which functions as I desire then it trumps the shiny tech or throbbing engine of my motor vehicle.

      1. Bose is the best quality sounding music systems that I am aware of!! I like Bose!! Please, HG Tudor, honor us to know which songs you like, and why? I,too, love rich and full-sounding harmony. What kind of motor vehicle do you drive that carries this throbbing engine of yours, Sir Tudor??

      2. I like many songs and pieces of music.

        I am listening to Faithless – Why Go? as I write. It reminds me of somebody.

        I drive a Mercedes.

      3. If you might humor me, what color of Mercedes? Is the steering wheel on left or right side of vehicle? Is it Automatic or stick-shift? Is it single? (Just kidding on that last question, of course).

      4. Lovely! I give you my word (!!!) on this: black or deep, red chocolate (darkest of cherry) is my favorite color of vehicle, and always has been. I give you my word.

      5. Interesting point FTW. I would suggest that the sentimentality arises only if the link creates nostalgia, sadness or tenderness. It does not evoke any such feelings on my part. It just causes me to be reminded of somebody.

      6. Perhaps, if it pleases you, Sir Tudor HG, you might honor us with the by telling us ‘one song a day’ that you like… or, perhaps tell us five, right now, that you like? Or, not.

      7. It is playing as I answer you. An excellent song. Their version of Ice Machine with Susanne Sundfor (whose White Foxes is superb) is scintillating.

      8. Aah the depeche mode cover. I really like Royksopp Here She Comes Again. The lyrics are what does it. One of my playlists, when i want girls to sing to me, contains the following artists….Susanne Sundfor, Tori Amos, Lisa Loeb, Paula Cole, Fiona Apple, Shawn Colvin, Kate Bush, Jann Arden, and one by Loreena Mckennit – Mummers Dance. Maybe I’m a Narc because I said they are singing to me? What do you think?

      9. When you are reminded of a person is it of the experience you had with them? Such as walking through the forest in fall, standing together as rain washes over you, or is it just the good/bad fuel they put out when they happened to be at those places with you? And really were those experiences just for your enjoyment alone and some appliance just happened to be there with no effect on you? Do you hate the song Sentimental Journey by Frank Sinatra or Doris Day? Lol.

      10. It is the link between the provision of fuel and what was happening at the time. Thus I can appreciate the beauty of the colours of the trees during Autumn, but it has resonance because I will recall the admiring looks i received from the appliance as I commented about the colours, from the appliance I was with at that time. That is what really matters.
        No the experiences were not just their for my enjoyment, the appliance is crucial to them.
        I don’t know that song, I will have to look it up.

      11. So you would like the appliance to have feelings too. Just as long as you are controlling or you are making that person feel what they feel?
        For example… you remember being with appliance A doing this activity and she laughed and smiled, I am so powerful. Oh and I recall being in this location before with appliance B and she was screaming and crying, aah I am so powerful. So, the way they respond to your pleasantries or to your cruelties is completely controlled by you? Because appliances emotions are what you feed off right?

      12. The appliance has to have feelings, absolutely. Just so long as their emotional reaction is as a consequence of something I have said or done. Yes I feed off their emotions, it is my fuel.

      13. Thanks for responding 🙂 …while I am not qualified in any fashion to make guesses with you, I would proffer that the song relates to your creation of a place where you can be understood and accepted for who you choose to be that gives you tertiary fuel, while also providing the opportunity to study others reactions to your behaviors for the existence of Sweet Harmony? Close?

        So you desire human interaction based on fuel but the best kind of fuel is the fuel in which you control what kind of fuel they are going to give you in advance or am I off in left field again?

      14. I listened to a group called Demoche, last night, and I looked up the lyrics, too. I did not know that they also sung, “People are People”. I know this song!

      15. Indeed Depeche Mode did release that song. In Germany it was used as the signature song for the television coverage of the 1984 Olympics.

      16. Oh, wait…I am a confused minion. Sweet Harmony is a song by Beloved. Yes, I will go and listen to this, as well as Faithless-Why Go?…I thought you, HG Sir, were saying Sweet Harmony, in General. I get it, now. I just have so many thought whirling around in my head; I am taking notes.

      17. Wait…IPAD? I have an IPAD! Are you mirroring me, Mr. Tudor? Why do you have an IPAD, too? Can a Sociopath appreciate rich, full, beautiful music? The movies I have seen with Sociopaths do not like rich, full elegant music. Maybe they are Lesser Sociopaths. In secret do you really like super Heavy Metal music?

      18. I do not like Heavy Metal “music”. I like the high notes on the piano. It is bliss to me. I desire beautiful, rich sound…elegant, like liquid velvet or silk flowing…flowing… no harsh splashing…just smooth; rich; sweet; and darkly romantic. (I do not care if you, or lieutenants, laugh at me; this is how I feel about music).. and, the words of the music, too.

      19. Doesn’t the gadget give fuel by say playing the music you want? Or the television give fuel by providing a program you enjoy? Or is there a difference between fuel (power) and fuel (pleasure) and fuel ( accolade)? If that is the case don’t really all of those examples of fuel provide happiness to you?

      20. No because fuel arises from the provision of emotion generated by something I have said or done. Music or the program does not contain emotion in itself but rather I can appreciate an excellent piece of dialogue, a dramatic piece of suspense or an energetic dance track for instance. I can feel something pleasant, for instance, sex, either alone or with someone else, but the fuel comes from the sexual partner’s emotional responses to what we are doing together.

      21. So do you believe any person you engage with is only exhibiting emotions based on you? Their thoughts and feelings only come from things that you say and do not of their own volition?

      22. I’m trying to understand. So your sim is to try to make them lose control of their emotions so you feel powerful? You caused them to lose their temper or lose themselves in ecstasy? You want to usurp their emotional control?

      23. It is not so much about wanting to usurp their emotional control, but rather be the catalyst for their emotional attention, whatever it may be. In some instances there is no need to affect their control because the emotion is provided willingly, in other instances the appliances will try and keep it under control, so there is a desire to affect their ability to control in those cases (usually negative emotion).

      24. Thank You for the answers G. Thats what I was anticipating: that the fuel during sex overcomes the dislike of the intimacy.
        As for a handsome stranger: firstly I do not have a boyfriend as I’m married and You know that. Secondly I always say hello back to anyonr… but when I shy I do so quietly…. thirdly it is not You unfortunately who passes me by…
        As for Your secret …it must be big big deal for You if You don’t want to say. As always I accept and understand that.

    2. Faithless’s song reminds You of someone? Dear G. Thats mean it brings back a face of a person into Your memory…that’s mean you don’t perceive us as really as appliances only? That’s mean it’s not so rough. .. songs don’t bring memories about washing machine which has been sent to repair centre 😉 ….. sphere of influence accidently unconsciously enteted by this person… is the hoover ready dear G? Xxx

      1. Maddie, to me it feels like the most wonderful not real emotion on the planet – it is intense but HG is honest about it. But I suppose that a dishwasher may be viewed as less important than a mechanical toothbrush or vice versa depending on the person?? HG would have to proffer but for me, my microwave, WELL, that appliance matters more to me but I also feel emotion. I am not sure if HG feels the same way?

      2. Well, see, a burner may be a more important appliance to you than a microwave is to me – you like to cook rustle – I like to heat up…maybe some appliances differ after all? Of course, just a theory…drifting to sleep its past my bedtime and have a loooonnnnggg day tomorrow at work

      3. You made me laugh there Sarah, I wrote I like cook to rustle something up, as in the cook make something for me. I don’t mean i cook rustle, is that even a thing?

      4. lol – I assumed it was an English way of saying cook something up! I guess in a way, your cook is the equivalent to my microwave – even kind supports your whole object outlook!

      5. Ok G. You said above that You can feel something pleasant like sex. Sex includes intimacy….unless You meant trousers down bend over and f😇uck… but You dislike a physical contact for obvious reasons… so how something even during seduction can be pleasant and at the same time not? Confused me here…
        Now I have a real situation question: park. A lady sits on the bench every week on the same one for an hour. A very confident well presented man passes by each time. Smiles at her. She smiles back. Then after few weeks her boyfriend joins her on the bench. The very same man passes by. Smiles at her longer. Looks at the boyfriend (he doesn’t know it’s her boyfriend ) and asks smiling “you alright, pal?”…. question is: is the stranger one of your kind?

      6. The physical sensations which arise from sex are pleasant and enjoyable. As you identify, one can have sex without being intimate in a loving and romantic sense. During seduction, sex is used in an intimate way, but the fuel that arises from the act of seduction overrides the dislike of intimacy. It allows us to drive through the experience.
        The stranger probably is. You should say hello next time I pass, oh and ditch the boyfriend, he is a waste of space.

      7. Who does the song reminds You of then may I ask? 🙂 and is it a song words or a videoclip that does it? 🙂

      8. That’s a secret Maddie. A man must have secrets. It is the video mainly, in the sense of two people identifying with one another because they stand out from everybody else.

      9. And today I did say Hello back… I doubt He has heard me as when I blush I keep my head down 😶

  21. So, when I’d had enough and moved out he became so mad because I was removing his fuel source? I still wanted to be with him, just not living with him anymore. But things went downhill very quickly, especially since he couldn’t talk me into moving back in. It seems he always wants the woman to move in with him, and is very insistent about it from very early in the relationship. HG why does he need his fuel source to live with him?

  22. What about when discard doesn’t ever really come? I have attempted escape a few times. He uses silent treatment but much more limited and very short duration…longest one lately was ten hours. And he was pretty angry but kept fury in check. I know he has considered discard. I even taunted him to bring it about but I ended up escaping because he wouldn’t pull the trigger.

    I have considered that replacement hasn’t been found. But I know he could have by now. I believe he has even tried a few on for size. It’s my seat beside him. I have no real fear of other women because I don’t think any of them could fill my shoes. I do not like the dishonesty more than the attention seeking.

    He definitely does devalue. It is improving but sometimes he cannot resist that fuel or seeing what kind of reaction he will get. He admits that he “likes pushing (my) buttons.” But discard doesn’t happen…or maybe just hasn’t happened yet? Thoughts. HG?

      1. Freddie would not get any more fuel from his “better qualified” Fuel Producers once he killed them, or even made their lives hellish. Freddie should have been smarter, like you Mr. Tudor, Sir, and just simply let the appliances pour out their lovely fuel to him, INDEFINITELY.

  23. Hmmm, I never loved the man. Told him from the start when he would love bomb “too soon for those sort of proclamations”. At the end he would try to physically force me to look in his eyes while he said “I love you, I know you love me, you won’t say it, but I know you do” then he’d tear up. I said, love you? No. Love to hate you? Perhaps.

  24. So really it is the challenge of the fuel that makes it so much more potent?

    Also, your use of Secondary and Tertiary has me thinking about the color wheel and how complex it becomes when starting out with only three colors… Most of us here have been a primary but we definitely deserve the Tertiary part of the wheel because we do receive the most colorful part of each of you!

      1. You don’t need it Claudia…

        You can use primary, secondary, tertiary (and even more) to describe a tier classification of anything.

        The color wheel is what came to my mind… prob. because in art class it is ingrained in your mind, it is imperative to learn how to create every color from only 3…

        so here is the color wheel (only 3 tiers though) for your enjoyment…
        https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/d3/4c/91/d34c91f719ac82f9b9a41d2a70f48a9a.jpg

      2. I love this, DC!! Thank you!! You made this?? I want to copy it. Is there a way you can insert it to my blog?? I could give you my email address… it’s so pretty! I love the colors! I love purple, and I love what it says!

  25. That picture is simply stunning. Absolutely perfect.

    Love the way you explained this. It makes perfect sense and is an excellent way to help others understand the dynamics constantly in play.

    People think it`s as easy as finding someone to lavish adoration and positive fuel on you all the time. Often, I don`t think people realize how much we get from the negative reactions as well, and just how satisfying those negative reactions can be.

    You`re brilliant.

    1. Funny you say that:

      “Often, I don`t think people realize how much we get from the negative reactions as well, and just how satisfying those negative reactions can be.”

      I can remember numerous times where I would see a smirk of joy on my ex’s face after he would lash out at random people… for me he would tell me that he enjoyed the reactions he would receive from me when he would criticize me… and he was pretty relentless because if he couldn’t get a reaction from one of remarks he’d keep trying with various others until he received that fuel.

    2. i was going to say the posting is great, super well explained … except for the picture 😳😳😳.
      Not a critics HG .. just my opinion..maybe negative fuel because it made me 😖😖😖

      1. Hi Nikita *waving*

        I like the picture because it`s an attention grabber. I also like the sentiment behind it, but I can appreciate that you don`t really like it much.

        Hope you`ve been well, sweet one.

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