Which do you prefer? Love or hate? This is something that I am asked and of course it is a pertinent question which is relevant to the issue of fuel. When I am asked this question, it tends to be as an adjunct to other considerations such as: –
– Why can’t you just always want the positive fuel from someone? Let them give you love all the time.
– Why does somebody hating you make you feel more powerful than somebody loving you?
– Are you addicted to causing pain so you can get negative fuel from somebody?
So, what do my kind and me prefer? Do we prefer to be loved or do we prefer to be hated? The answer is; it depends on the nature of the appliance.
As I have explained before, the appliances which supply us with fuel are broken down into three groups. Primary, secondary and tertiary. Our attitude as to the type of fuel that is preferred is governed by the source.
Tertiary – this includes groups such as strangers and remote strangers. We are pretty even-handed when it comes to our preference of the type of fuel we receive from those in the tertiary group. Positive fuel is welcomed, so for example we might be complimented on our car by a passing stranger or we may receive an admiring smile because we look good when we get into a lift. Indeed, if we are at an event and we receive acknowledgement and applause from a crowd of people then this is a considerable positive provision of fuel from their admiration. This serves our purpose in receiving fuel and maintain our façade. We are however content to draw negative fuel from strangers for instance by upbraiding a waiter for being slow to serve us or criticising the behaviour of somebody in the street. Their reaction of indignance, annoyance or upset will provide us with negative fuel and in many instances treating somebody in this manner will not damage out façade as we will be selective as to when we engage in this. Keep in mind that often we will seek a negative reaction even though that person has not done anything wrong, as this amplifies their emotional response. If the waiter has been slow, he will apologise as he recognises his service has been sub-standard. This provides fuel. If he has been prompt but it is denigrated for his service and it is done in a haughty and arrogant manner, he will not be able to keep his expression from belying his real feelings (even if he doesn’t air them) and thus the fuel garnered is even greater. It is even better if he erupts and is unable to keep his feelings under control as the fuel will burst from him.
This treatment of a tertiary source in this manner is often done as part of a triangulation. It will be done to impress another source that is with us, possibly a group of inner circle friends or the intimate partner. Thus we exhibit our confidence and lack of acceptance for shoddy service. The tertiary source provides fuel from being criticised and the other source provides a positive response for seeing us acting in such a masterful and demanding way. Even if the other source does not approve of how we have spoken to someone and reacts to us, it does not matter, because, yes, you’ve guessed it, it is yet more fuel.
Since the tertiary source is not someone we rely on for repeated provision of fuel it does not matter to us if they withdraw and will not have anything to do with us ever again. It is not hard to engage with tertiary sources as they are everywhere. We do not need to seduce them or cultivate a relationship with them in order to draw fuel. Tertiary sources either provide it just by seeing us or at the slight prompt from a comment or remark from us, whether it is positive or negative.
Secondary – we prefer positive fuel from our secondary sources. The secondary sources include colleagues, friends and family member. This is not to say that negative fuel is not collected from secondary sources, it is and I shall deal with that below, but it is usually positive fuel that we take from our secondary sources. We do this because the secondary sources are where our coterie comes from and where our Lieutenants lurk. By treating them well we secure their obedience (although sometimes we may need to lash out to ensure compliance) and therefore we are more likely to achieve what we want. As I have explained in the past, we draw three main things from our victims (and by victim I mean everybody we interact with)
- Traits and characteristics for our construct to claim as our own;
- Residual benefits (money, accommodation, resources, assistance)
Whilst these can be obtained from tertiary sources, that group is mainly reserved for the provision of fuel.
The secondary sources provide all three of the above and therefore by keeping them around and ensuring that they like, love and adore us, we are more likely to achieve the receipt of these three items.
The secondary source is where the façade comes from. Accordingly, we do not want a range of people hating us and agreeing with you as the primary source. We want a solid and loyal wall of people who are in complete agreement that we are decent and wonderful.
We also do not rely on the fuel provision from secondary sources anywhere near as much as we from the primary source. This is for two reasons:
- There are more people who can be secondary sources. In theory, the number is limitless; and
- We see the secondary sources less often, speak to them less often, message them less often than the primary source.
Thus we have variety and less reliance which means that it is almost impossible that we will find the fuel of one secondary source to be stale which would result in discard. Indeed, the discard of a secondary source is more likely to happen because they have worked us out and do not wish to engage with us anymore (thus they stop providing fuel altogether) or they have moved away and our interaction is so intermittent as to be useless to us. A further reason for the discard of the secondary source is if they defy our instructions and become a traitor. We may devalue them but it usually is far more effective to cut them adrift and recruit somebody else. This will happen to a family member who turns against us, or a friend is disloyal. They will be isolated, shunned and used to triangulate with – “Do what I want or you will end up like Peter, remember him? Nobody sees him around these days after what he did.”
We are rarely short of being able to attract new appliance to be our secondary sources.
Accordingly, for these reasons we are far more likely to draw positive fuel from the secondary sources and we prefer for them to adore us, admire us and love us. We may draw sexual partners from the secondary sources. They will not be crowned as a primary source but rather this will be done to keep them close to us, to coerce them to do our bidding and of course to provide us with fuel during the sexual act.
Thus, it is secondary sources who can find themselves in almost perpetual golden periods as they keep providing us with positive fuel.
Primary – this is the group that most people find themselves in when they have had an encounter with our kind. In terms of the reaction we want from our primary source (who is almost always an intimate partner) we of course want a positive one. We hope that this lasts forever because the primary source, as the name suggests, is the appliance which gives us the most fuel, most often and to the highest degree. With such a high standard to maintain in terms of amount, frequency and potency, the primary source is also the appliance which runs the greatest risk of malfunctioning and that fuel dropping off. It may be less, it may not be provided as often as it should and/or its potency may well have been reduced, either because it has become too familiar and/or the provider is not making the effort to maintain its potency.
You may think that when this happens, why not just discard and put in place a new primary source who will start with new positive fuel afresh? A valid question. We do not because: –
- This would take time and therefore we would be without a primary source for a certain length of time. Our fuel levels would drop and this would be detrimental to us.
- There needs to be a near seamless shift between primary sources. This would not happen in the scenario above.
- You must be punished for failing us, hence the devaluation.
- The negative fuel is very powerful. Of course, we cannot draw that straight away from a primary source otherwise if we commenced the relationship by hurting somebody they would leave us and thus the fuel source would be lost. We need to bind you to us first through the seduction and golden period so that when the devaluation begins you are will not depart but rather stay and provide us with the negative fuel.
- The negative fuel provides us with the power to seduce a replacement primary source which we will attach and then discard you.
- The negative fuel is so powerful because it is harder to make someone cry, become angry, frustrated and so forth compared to the presentation of positive emotions. Being able to do this to someone underlines the nature of our power over the primary source.
- The negative fuel is powerful because of the contrast it affords us when compared to the positive fuel.
Since the primary source is the person who provides us with most of our fuel, it is they who are subjected to this need for both positive and negative fuel. We also keep moving between the two (the contrast causing the fuel to remain potent) and this is why we switch so often and seemingly without warning.
So, do we want you to love us or hate us? It all depends on where you fit into the various appliances that we have attached to us.