The Narcissistic Truths – No. 56

arrogance-is-thecamouflage-of-insecurity

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12 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 56”

  1. Beautiful picture.
    That makes perfect sense to me. I’m not arrogant in anyway and even after analyzing my whole experience I have never been insecure. My ex didn’t take that away from me. If must have been a trait she was after. She made me think I was crazy but not insecure.
    I always thought my husband was a little arrogant but we are now seeing it’s his insecurity and he’s trying to work on that. I think it’s hard for him because I’m the opposite. It’s a brave thing when you can admit you are insecure. We all have things to work on. I have plenty.

    Are you finding these memes therapeutic HG?

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  2. Everyone has pet peeves. Mine are just a few. Inconsideration, selfishnes, greed, but one that absolutely turns myself into a fury is arrogance. It’s like charcoal in my mouth.

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  3. Hello HG. I just discovered your blog a few days ago, and am addicted to it. I even woke up at 4:00 am and grabbed my phone to read more. I have some questions for you that I submitted in a previous post. They were pending moderation. Now I am unsure if they are still there. I have recently been wondering if the narcissist can inadvertently create their own monster in their prey? I met my narc when I was 14. I took on a lot of his qualities because I realized when I gave it back to him that it tore him apart. He tried to act like it did not, but I saw signs, and he recently admitted it to me. He told me I couldn’t be tamed. He said he had no control over me. He would cite example after example. I find myself using the silent treatment at times, not out of control or feelings of trying to manipulate, but because he did it when I was so young. I’m just wondering if creating a reflection of oneself drives the narc crazy? He hasn’t forgotten the slightest detail almost 30 years later. Thank you for all you do. I picked up a lot on my own, but you are the master teacher. I admit, I want to wound him in such a way he won’t forget. What’s that line by The Police? “When you find your servant is your master.” Maybe I have some narcissistic traits myself. 🙂

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  4. So very important to read this, HG.
    It gives the discarded victim/survivor/empath a lot of confidence to understand. It actually gives us ‘narcissistic supply’ because we understand that the arrogant hoovering texts and calls are about insecurity.
    That way I get ‘thought fuel’, i e I understand that he has feelings for me (feelings of aggression or frustration, but still, I have a clear “one-up” feeling when I politely decline)

    The arrogance being mainly about that it is always a booty-call, a last-minute date he asks about.
    “Can I see you tonight?” he has texted about five consecutive Saturdays by now. At around 6 pm.
    I politely decline every time, or on the next day:
    “Sorry, I was out; already had plans”
    (i never contact him, never call back, I only respond, so there is very little thought fuel for him, imagining me getting secretly impatient or irritated or something. I think he senses that I might say yes to a non-booty-call. If he would ask me out three days in advance or something)

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  5. I have been reading your articles for 3 weeks now. Your books, not yet. I have never read anything so detailed about narcissism-I started studying it in January, before that, I thought the guy was a borderline. I must confess that your articles have helped me more than anything else, including my psychotherapist, and , finally, also because of them, I am starting to feel sort of indifferent to him. Even sort of superior, at moments, and I absolutely needed that. I had forgotten how it feels.
    Men. Generally speaking, I have to devaluate them, make them unworthy of having sex with me, then I get over them: when I don’t see them sexually anymore and I can love (?) them in a friendly way. Like my girlfriends, let’s say. They never cease to exist in my mind, even in my life, they are part of my collection, but they are put on a different shelve.
    I haven’t had sex with him for a year now, although he recently hoovered me heavily, for 3 months (just before and , mostly, right after his marriage, which happened with the speed of a lightning, of course, with a quite ugly, completely tasteless, obviously stupid woman-of course, again). I was sweet with him, but I did not go to bed with him, although he insisted incredibly and used many many ways to persuade me he adored me. It was all about control, I knew that every single moment. I also cannot touch him, because he sleeps with an inferior woman. I know it sounds bad, but that is the way I feel, I am being honest. Your choices define you-that is what I keep telling myself as well.
    My problem is that I cannot replace him, since I like absolutely no one. Replacing is the key, as you know. But, it is the first time in my entire life (and I am not a young girl) that I cannot fall in love, I cannot even feel infatuated. It is really strange and it is my weakness compared to him, because he has dozens- apart from his wife. (Actually, I really do not understand how you can have dozens. If you do not choose, if you don’t want the best for you every time, no matter how you define “best”, it is as if you don’t value yourself. As if you are spending yourself. But that’s another story.)
    I do not know what I am. I believe I have some narcissistic traits , but I do have empathy. At least I think so.
    Although I don’t like fueling you in any way, I have to thank you. Mainly, because you are a very interesting human being and studying you (as much as you allow it, I keep filtering what you write) is one of the most absorbing things that have happened to me lately.
    And “lately” has been quite boring.

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  6. Trying to make sense of a twisted logic will keep you invested for years and ultimately rob you of your sanity and your happiness.
    The fact that I’m still chasing answers is a testament to the mind f**kery I’ve endured and he still has power over my head and heart.
    17yr relationship – 1yr out of the horrific nightmare (totalling 18 wasted years) and I’m still giving my life to it…. he done a good job on me.
    He bled me out for fuel. What a catch! What a man!
    I’m existing in a state of emptiness, feeling like I “don’t fit” anywhere anymore. Like a lost child almost.
    I pray for indifference soon.
    I’ve analysed and hurt long enough.

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  7. Very true, and kudos to you that you can see this. In a nutshell, all manipulations used by a narc are aimed at eroding and ultimately destroying your identity. What does that tell you about the narc, if he can only feel safe and powerful when she is stripped of her own self? That he is so insecure he cannot handle an emotionally healthy person with an independent will. A frightened and ashamed child beneath the glorious mask of superiority, that is what empaths *see*. That is why we feel sorry for the narc, and want to help.

    The irony is that none of this is necessary. I adored my narc, I loved him with all I had, I would have followed him… if he had led with love. Fuel in abundance. Instead of being grateful for what he received, he ruined it by trying to break my will. No one has ever come close to achieving that, and no one ever will. Because such ‘love’ is not a love worth having or fighting for.

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