Infected

infection

 

Our kind are like a virus. We attach to those where we know we can infect them. Those who might be immune to us are not selected. The risk is too great and therefore we seek out another host that is far easier to overrun and provides the ideal environment for us to flourish. Your kind are unable to defend yourselves against our viral methodology and it is far too late before you realise that not only has the infection taken a hold and spread, but you also lack the means by which to eradicate it. Yes, you may well be able to reduce its effect and fight back to some degree but just like a virus, we are never completely wiped out and instead we remain dormant, waiting to be activated once more and the nefarious effects of our presence begin to be felt once again. There are six ways in which we infest your life.

  1. We fill up your inboxes

The joy of technology once again serves our kind well. We are able to bombard your inboxes with our words which come so easy to us. Whether it is your text inbox, messaging applications on social media or e-mail inbox, all of these soon become full of us. The inbox becomes burgeoned with our words. The beautiful seductive messages, the declarations of love and desire, the sexual temptations, the downright filthy yet tempting, the romantic and delicate, so many letters and words which have winged their way across the airwaves to nestle in your inbox. They sit there ready to be opened by you, thousands of little gifts awaiting opening as you thrill and delight as you open each one. We dominate your phone with insults, threats and demands, blitzing you with our hatred during devaluation, the incessant ping and buzz generating a sense of fear and dread in you as another malicious missive lands. You wince as you see another insult and swiftly delete it and then when the loving text finally comes, the relief you experience is overwhelming. Even when have vanished you still scroll through those wonderful and uplifting messages that you cannot bring yourself to delete. You read those beautiful words, yearning for the sender to return and issue them again, carefully crafted passionate announcements, tender statements of intent and romantic overtures. You do not want to eradicate these memories and you allow them to remain in those inboxes. They eventually may not be as full as they once were, but their presence remains.

  1. We invade your relationships

It seems such a delightful way to be when we first arrive and we want to know everybody who is involved in your life. We go out of our way to be charming and accommodating to your friends, your family, your neighbours and colleagues. You are thrilled at their plaudits as we happily accompany you to dinner with friends, how wonderful to have such a delightful person on your arm at last. Family events become far more fun with us in attendance. Everybody loves us and you love us all the more for it. We touch each and every person who has some connection to you, making them delight in us. We push away those that do not dance to our tunes, like white blood cells eradicating the enemy, we sweep through your connections and remove those who stand in our way. Everyone else becomes a recruit to our cause as we bolster our coterie and our lieutenants. You will come to regret the access you gave us to everybody that you know.

  1. We sequestrate your resources

Yours is ours. A simple mantra and one we wholeheartedly subscribe to as we avail ourselves of all your resources. We become a fixture in your home, we eat your food, consume your drinks and spend your money. Your utilities become used by us, we camp on to your Wi-Fi and revel in taking anything that belongs to you for our use. You want to go out but you cannot as we have taken the car. You are looking forward to that delicious ham for a sandwich but we have eaten it. The issue of domestic theft does not concern us as like an invading army we march across your territory slashing and burning as we voraciously consume until when we depart, like a departing plague of locusts you are left with nothing.

  1. We pollute your emotions

Your emotions belong to us. They must always be for us to consume as our fuel. They must always be directed towards us. We establish a lien over them, our option is first to take hold of those emotions. At the outset we want your love, your praise, your passion and adoration. Nobody else is allowed to have these things. They must be poured over us. We commandeer them and ensure that we are the recipient of delight, joy, happiness and admiration. We take hold of your emotional construction and then we twist, stretch and warp your emotions so that you find all of the good feelings have been turned into darker emotions. We demand those too, not only have we polluted the way that you feel, we take hold and seize the anger, the fear and the upset which now pours from you. Our manipulations and machinations are designed to turn your joyful heart black with dread and anxiety. Our polluting madness sweeps across you, unchecked and unhindered.

  1. We infect your heart and soul

Steadily, gradually and insidiously we plant ourselves deep inside your heart. We coil our toxic tendrils around your soul as we leech from it, both taking and infecting it with our presence. Through the creation of ever presence we ensure that when we call your heart thumps with excitement and your stomach becomes filed with butterflies. Seeing us walk towards you, smile plastered across our faces causes delight to soar as your soul is uplifted by our presence. Those once feelings of elation become dark and blackened but the totality of the effect remains indisputable. We are with you all the time. You see us in different places even when we are not there, you hear our voice when certain phrases are said by others. Music, oh the music, how it returns you to those tender and intimate moments in an instant, tugging on your heart and coursing through your soul. The smells, the sensations and the sounds all combine to pulsate through your heart and soul, a permanent reminder of us. These reminders bring the tears, they bring the joy, they bring hope, they bring anxiety but they always remain.

  1. We tarnish your trust

The extent of our infection is such that even when you have might have sought to banish us, relegate us to the back of your mind and try to drive us from your life, we still linger, the effects of our tortuous torment of you still very much real and alive. Your ability to trust has become tainted. You dare not trust again for fear of lightning strike twice. You find yourself hypervigilant, second-guessing, assessing and scrutinising and through this heightened state of awareness we remain inside you. Each action or word of another, whether friend of someone potentially even more special awakens the memory of what we once said and did to you. The eradication of your trust has succumbed to the disease of our presence and thus this works to hinder and prevent your recovery.

 

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23 thoughts on “Infected”

  1. The last one that you describe is something that takes away part of the positivity that marks the persons like me. I know on my skin what you wrote because it is true and i lost my trust, especially in men. I no longer believe in the promises, in the words of love, in relationships … now I feel hopeless and I feel as if a precious part of me is dead forever…and believe me it is very sad because I loved my positivity and my trust in humans.

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    1. It will come back Noah. Love never dies. You are healing right now… Know that the most beautiful part of you can never be destroyed.

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    2. Me too. The grief over these relationships is two-fold. Grieving the loss of love that was an illusion. And, grieving the person you were at the height of being in love with them because you’re forever changed. I’m pretty numb and hardened now. Ignorance was bliss. Lol

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      1. True, we will never be the same… and we cannot regain the old self that is lost… but we have transformed into something new, stronger and wiser…

        Despite the pain, I am grateful that I can see things clearly now… I am not a sheep anymore, not to be messed with anymore… it is on us now to educate those who are still sleep-walking through their lives, bewildered and hurt…

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      2. Hello MLA-Clarece…HG and others….At a much younger age I had heard the quote or well know saying that “increasing knowledge also increases sorrow…always being an insatiable student…that was very much like forever afterward deciding if you wanted the life of Pandora…My beloved Kate Bush sings in her song “Suspended in Gaffa” …”I’m not a Pandora I’m much more like that girl in the “mirror” between you and me she don’t stand a chance of getting anywhere at all…because…she refused to open the boxes…therefore…she didn’t learn…she remained “Suspended in gaffa”…( or as us theater types know it as ( Gaffer tape)…(which I recommend you all listen to and watch the video)…see where she is stuck…see where he and she have her stuck living inside herself and reality… and grief and mourning… they say are examples of love with no where to go.

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  2. Until the victim deletes all the inboxes, finds forgiveness in their heart and untangles the narcissist from their mind. Then the victim becomes a warrior and the narcissist is left playing a game all on his own.

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  3. Nobody fills up your inboxes like us. We’ll leave you so many phone messages your voice mailbox becomes full, then email you to tell you to check your voicemail (and we’ll send a text message, poke you on Facebook, and FaceTime you as well)

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    1. LOL Indy, I get the need for levity in your profession. I’ve always had a twisted sense of humor and it’s nice to come across others with a similar kind. I’ve always had it, even before I was damaged. I delight in grossing out my nieces and nephews after they try to do so to me. The expressions on their faces are priceless. You are spot on about avoiding water. Another show is My Strange Addiction. I may have mentioned it. I don’t know if it is still on. Mouth agape on some of the episodes. To keep it on topic…one of the epis had a guy addicted to raw meat. He had something like 14 parasites. HG is not an infection.

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      1. JADED1, OMG, I watched that show in the past too. Did you see the one where this woman was obsessed with eating foam out of furniture?

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  4. Have you seen The Monster Inside Me? This person was infected with a parasite, and I can only describe it as capellini. You are not parasitical capellini. Despite that, if someone offered me capellini…I’d be asking for pomodoro sauce.

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      1. Monsters Inside!!!! How funny, a coworker and I used to have “Gross out Friday” to cheer things up around here (it gets heavy in the work we do and need levity to survive), and often we would send each other clips from that show. LOL

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      2. My daughter and I discovered that show about a year ago and spent a whole weekend in our pj’s binge watching a whole season on demand. Love that show too.

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      3. I know, made me want to never swim in ponds or lakes or eat meat ever again or walk on beaches bare foot.

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  5. Thank you!! Perfect and spot on as usual. Got me thinking about a conversation with one of my recent ex narc.
    Him- Do you love only me?
    Me- must you occupy all my love in order to feel valued?
    Him- Yes. Otherwise I don’t. So is it true?
    Me- Would you believe that my heart is big enough to occupy love for more then just one person?
    Him- That is such a disappointing answer
    Me- Just know that when l am with you, my love is focused just on you. And, at times, you turn the volume so high, that is feels as though you are all that matters.
    Him- You just tried to make me feel better with second reply. I gtg party. Talk later
    Me- Have fun!
    Him- Thanks And remember YOU LOVE ONLY ME!
    Just a day later l deliberate insulted him. He discarded me and threatened that the only way l could leave him without any damaging “consequences” was to tell him he was superior and that he owned me. I swallowed my pride and lied through my teeth just to get him off my back. He’s
    Blocked now. No contact for 2 days and l hope he sticks to his end of our deal. Time will tell.

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    1. Damn! How they discard so easily! Mine wanted me to discard him yesterday. ‘You can stop talking to me like you did before’ he said. Then an hour later, he texted me wanting to sort things out. I did not reply. 15 min later, another text. An hour later, yet another text. 🙆

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  6. Yes, you guys do all those things and there’s so many times I told myself to ‘stay true, stay true Ollie’ as I was about to lose my mind from all the mind boggling games your kind plays…

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