The Empathic Supernova

the-empathicsupernova

What is the Empathic Supernova?

In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.

The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority,  omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.

I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are three schools of the empathic individual; the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Empath.

The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The discarded Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.

Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.

The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.

Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are almost invisible and the few that exist are weak. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They locked together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.

The Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Empath is also discarded. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this discard until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the discard, the Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.

The Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.

The Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are not on the same scale as the Co-Dependent. The Empath will have some narcissistic traits, not many and not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as an Empath (along with the fact that there are more Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.

Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.

The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with little and low narcissistic traits and the Empath has few and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.

The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Empath.

This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.

There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.

On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.

However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.

This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist.  It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.

Thus when some people ask the question

“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”

or

“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”

The answer remains no.

But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.

The effect against us is varied.

The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing  supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.

The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However,  either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.

The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the  titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.

Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.

Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.

 

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244 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova”

  1. Is it possible that this method, played to the end, could kill the beast(per se—causing a catalyst, where the narc experiences unconditional love and transitions into union with his soul?

  2. The comment “The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.” made me laugh. He definitely approaches me with caution. I love him, but he lives the game, regardless of who is “winning”.

  3. Dear Narc,

    Thank you so much for this information. I have determined that I have a bipolar roommate, (not a narc) and that I am a super empath. I am going to try to get her some help real quick – because they say lithium helps such individuals.

    Recently I said enough is enough and I started attacking her full force – police reports, delayed responses to her texts and phone calls, leaving her out in the street when she was telling me “I have nowhere to go”.

    Anyway, if you believe in karma, this is all just a game and lessons that we want to teach ourselves. (i.e. no hard feelings)

    Thanks again!

    btw, I love a challenge as well, perhaps that is one of my narc qualities!

  4. Thanks HG for this information. I never felt like a copy dependent as I’m very much an independent person .I was actually searching for why my exN who is a mid ranger hasn’t tried to hoover after our last break up. I’m not saying that I’m a supernova but I feel my own explosion at his disgusting behaviour and the fact I outed him has caused his retreat. For now !!! He never liked the fact I would question his actions. But he did like my forgiving nature when he played the victim card. Enough is enough and I know longer feel sorry for him.
    Thank you again. HG for your insight into this world it has helped me understand and heal.

  5. Pingback: The Empathic Supernova by Narcissist H.G.Tudor – Signs of a Gay Husband by Debra Sutton
  6. I am definitely a supernova empath. My ex narc used to say I was too smart and that I “used my smarts for bad” because I had figured him out. He also alluded to the fact that he’s never met someone who could match him and counter him word for word which he found endlessly frustrating.
    He also would get upset when I’d listen to psychology or relationship podcasts or would educate myself by reading because I’d become inquisitive about his behavioral patterns… I’d never experienced anything like this and was continually baffled at his odd behavior.
    At first I thought he had avoidant personality disorder then I discovered he was secretly and alcoholic… Which can bring about Narcissistic tendencies so I denied the fact that he was actually NPD for a very long time. Once I did more studying… Because let’s face it… A narc’s partner has a lot of time on their hands while they’re out being shady doing God knows what… I discovered he and his mother were both incurable, enmeshed, full-blown pathologically dysfunctional NARCISSISTS. Without a doubt. I could have written a damned book based on the last six years living within that hell. Truly a nightmare. I shudder now to think that was my life or that I thought he’d ever change. He disgusts me… Seriously cannot even fathom what I saw in that fatheaded mix between Jay Leno and Shrek. And his beastly, tyrant mother… She was the queen of horrifyingly ugly behavior from a 63 year old woman. So much plastic surgery … And she was hugely obese… Though she didn’t think to fix the fat and focused on her face and boobs and her private area. SO WEIRD and delusional… She’d insult every beautiful woman, just rip them to shreds… And I was like… “have you looked in the mirror”? 😒
    I’m not even mean like that but who she was as a person made her so, SO ugly in my eyes. She basically crippled her son, the selfish B!
    I also think narcissism is highly ingrained in their culture… They were Persian (Iranian) and had zero respect for American tradition or values and I’m Caucasian. It never was going to work and I will never date another middle – easterner as every experience I’ve had with them has been similar. I don’t care if that makes me too selective in anyone’s eyes. It’s my personal preference…unfortunately, I find the men very attractive and they seem to be attracted to me as well… Go figure.
    But back to the ex…
    I would send his sorry ass cowering out of the room when I’d confront him or catch him in blatant lies, I’d finally gotten to the point where I couldn’t deny this crap anymore… he’d hide in the bathroom or put his fingers in his ears and hum or sing like a damned child.
    I’ve never seen a 41 year-old grown man who regress into a four year old state. That was… Interesting. He refused to ever resolve anything even at the expense of upsetting me continually. I think he thrived in conflict… Truly. I’ve never understood why someone wouldn’t want peace and harmony in their relationship. If they loved you like they said they did, it should be a given.
    I had to totally rewire what I thought I knew about what love was and what it wasn’t.
    Hardest lesson I ever learned.
    I’m 8 months out with no-contact since July 2017. That MF is so dead to me and I’m out here living my best life. Wish I would have done it sooner. I recently got the best paying job doing something I thought I’d never be qualified to do, making more money than the narc ex (even though he works for mommy) he blamed our break up on the fact that I wasn’t making enough money… everybody struggles… This was total BS…he was pushing me to breakup with him.
    I did. Left and never looked back 🙂
    The greatest revenge is a successful, happy life…
    Miracles DO happen. No-contact, people…
    It works. ❤️

      1. If narc means empowered empath Survivor to you then yes. Perhaps your reading comprehension skills could use some improvement.:)

    1. Great post msbojangles! Glad you left and your life is much happier and healthier 🤗
      I do see how a narc mother can ruin a son. My hubby is proof. Its odd bc he really is an incredible man in so many ways. Shes taught him to be courteous and reliable. What im learning thru here is the damage shes done. Hes definitely not a narcissist but he has troubles communicating and shuts down in a lot of ways. Shes emotionally abused him when hes not done what shes expected and in ways i think hes passive aggressive bc of this. There may be a side of him that he shuts down when he feels a woman is trying to control him. Ive been talking to him a lot about narcissism and he sees it in his mother but im not sure if he can see how its damaged him.
      Narc mothers cause terrible damage to their kids.

    2. Yo…. 95% we dated the same person.
      Persian, similar age, same obese mother…
      As soon as I read ‘persian’, I actually got chills because word per word I could’ve written this post.
      Glad you’re out. Be well. ❤️

  7. I feel like I walked a mile back to the site and cannot find the person I wanted to type to. I’ll just throw this out there:
    Not afraid of Super Nova, dark thinking, etc. However, I do NOT like being, or existing as something I am NOT. Cunning, plotting, planning, calculating, all such hard work. Life should be joyful and easy, but sometimes it’s just not. Rather than being ‘This’ or ‘That’, I would rather just be.
    Oh well. Empathic is a flawed way of being, just as Narcissistic is flawed. We are taught to admire virtue and not evil. The truth may be the two exist in a symbiotic relationship as a catalyst for change. Therefore they are equally beneficial.
    My opinion is all that was. I also don’t spend time knitting hats for “Gay Unicorns”. First of all, I can’t knit. Secondly, all the unicorns I meet are Bi.
    hehe
    Thanks people

  8. SHANNA, Thank you for your very kind words. I have a facebook page called the Convalescent Codependent that is a blog about my personal journey if you are interested. I started writing the blog to help me with my own self healing. I was inspired by HG, and wanted to write about being a codependent, in particular, in my relationships. I have been writing pretty regularly for over a year now, and I truly believe for myself it has helped me cope and grow in my personal development in very profound and tremendous ways. I have thought about publishing these blogs in the future, I am currently working as a ghost writer, a memoir for a very inspiring story I am excited to help get out into the world. There are things I have been able to retrain my brain, I thought were going to be impossible for me to do. I still find myself dealing with the healing process, I don’t know if this self work will ever truly be completed, I have days where I am convinced the trauma that I have experienced since about age 3 may mean I will need to continue to be “recovering” for the rest of my life, just to protect myself from going back to old habits of comfort and self denial. Honestly your comment could not have come to me at a better time. There are days when my heart just hurts so bad, and I wonder if I have made the progress I thought, or if my words are reaching and touching others, inspiring and helping others to feel less alone. I too still need that reminder, that I am not alone, so thank you from the deepest part of my, sometimes very fragile, soul!

  9. This is awesome, finally an explanation. I giggled all the way through this article, it brought me entertainment and education. For so long I wondered why when push came to shove I acted with as much guard and manipulation as he did but never lost my empathic traits. I was with him 15 years, knew every fear, button, lever, dance. I thought this was fantastic and a great explanation of why the discard occurs after they get scared of you. I also secured a management position, bought a country property for my horses, lost 27 kgs and became a different fit person the way I was prior to meeting him. All in 18 months, I didn’t lay down. Thanks 10/10

  10. I think my child may be a super empath. I am very strong willed but I can see how I played into my narcs hands. My daughter however was his best friend until the minute he upset me, then it was like a switch, she would belittle him to me in his presence, mildly remarking “are you still bothering with him” as she strolled through the kitchen to get a drink. He would be furious, shouting at her about “did she know what her mother had done”. She just looked at him, “you’re pathetic”. No fear at all. He would scream back at her, still she would just stare at him, “pathetic” would be the word that followed. He was furious and would turn back to attacking me. When I found out he was cheating she turned to me and calmly said “throw his stuff in the bin mum, he doesn’t get away with this”. She is 11 and the most amazing kid. I would like to point out that this is a child who normally spends her days sending out messages of goodwill, reminding everyone of what a good job they are doing etc. When I spoke to his new primary source I found out that there had been many a conversation about my daughter and how he couldn’t understand why she just didn’t like him. The funny thing is that she very much liked him but she just didn’t engage in his drama and had no fear of pointing out his faults in a very matter of fact way. Clearly her refusal to fuel him caused insult and for that I will be forever grateful to her!

    1. Your daughter is a good Egg there. My daughter is the same age and very sure of herself and confident with her beliefs.
      You did a good job there!! One silver lining that our girls won’t fall for the same illusions we did.

    2. Hmmm… I see myself there, only difference is I dont know how they beat me down, bit I think I am kind of figuring it out. I thought my mum was the innocent one, and so I was protecting her from my dad, only to learn that my mum is a covert narc, victim narc, while my dad is pretty overt and violent.

      What a mess.

      Now I dont listen to her crap anymore. Let them do their dance. I am not Jesus and if she, an adult cannot protect herself from her husband, why should I be the one to point out the ills? Parentification and parental alientation resulted.

      Now I consider both of them evil maniacs. They competed for their kids attention and my mom used my super empath traits for her benefit before I discovered her covert ways.

      Ain’t happenning again.

      I am not a party to that marriage. Period.

      Everybody for himself, God for us all.

  11. Wow … an interesting and well written article! That’s it! I think I may be in the Supernova mode right now… Not sure if that is a good thing, though.

  12. Twilight, I think that makes sense. I have moments where I remember and feel how it was when thing were open between us. I still feel that space in me because it was there long before he started his lovebombing tricks with me. He thought he was so omnipotent, that he caused all my feelings but he was wrong. I had feelings for him well before he started his games. But once I saw what was underneath his mask, I stopped feeling safe. So I would feel soft, receptive and there would be a moment or two where he would reciprocate but inevitably, the events that had happened (the devalues, switching, abuse, triagulation, etc) would rear up to remind me he is not a safe person and Dragon would come out.

    I wonder if the reason I always keep feeling “him” isn’t him per se, but the negativity he left feels like he is sending me energy but he’s not, he just LEFT this energy. I mirrored it in my way to fight back. So if I let the negativity go, so will he be gone, too?

  13. This. Is. The BEST. Yes. I was an Empathic Supernova. Yes, he taught me to play games. I was a very quick learner once someone tipped me on to what is going on. Yes, I turned the tables. Yes, the empath in me approached him in love cause I still felt that, but then he took that as an opening to Smash me hard and all it did was LIGHT up my fury and I counter attacked. To the point he told me that I cause all this destruction while he held himself just above me. It became a blazingly destructive battle of wills. We fought HARD. When it first started, I used to think that we might resolve it by having crazy sex. Then I thought, if we were close to each other in geography, we would fight physically.

    This explains it ALL. How I started to channel him. But how unnatural it all was. I have wondered about my narcissism but this explains it FULLY. How I used who he was against himself. I think he was often exhausted by me and finally, wanted to retreat. But he couldn’t. Some part of him never could retreat from me. I still feel him even now, being the empath that I am. But I will never, ever give him an inch of all the ground I finally took from him. I took it ALL back in the end.

    But I am really tired HG. I feel exhausted. I feel so, so exhausted. An exhaustion like none other. And I am TIRED that I still feel him. He needs to stop sending out his energy. This is never, ever going to end. The only way it will ever end is if I submit to him and I never, ever will. Never. Its just not going to happen. So now I know why I must shut down all avenues for him to contact me. He is never going to forgive me for beating him this way. Never.

    How can I stop feeling so exhausted? I literally at night, curl up in a tiny ball and just sleep. Sleep and sleep and sleep in front of my fire. In a worn out, exhausted sleep. My panic is gone, my fear, everything was replaced by one massive dragon breathing Narc attack on him. Its taking an extreme amount of energy to keep those narc traits at the front to keep all my empath traits down. I am NOT ready to let them go just yet. I am not safe yet.

    Does my exhaustion make sense to you?

    1. Sarabella it does to me, you need to recharge and let the negative energy you are holding on to go. My guess is you took his negitive energy to fight back and never let it go made it yours. Now it is stuck instead of flowing. If you did what I think you will be exhausted.
      If you don’t mind how long sense the separation?
      HG due to Sarabelle asking you and I jumped in and gave an answer I apologize.
      Sarabelle I apologize if I seemed rude and jumped in between, not my intentions.

    2. Yes. Very much so. Ours wasn’t a long battle. I watched and waited. Withdrew gradually and then struck him hard and in the most hurtful way possible. Completely uncharacteristic from me. Completely knocked him off balance, broadsided him. He’d thought his control was pretty solid. Thought i was kind hearted and moral. I didn’t realise he was a narcissist until afterwards and I didn’t realise this side of me either. But, yes, it has exhausted me too.

  14. Oh…, I will also add, one of the reasons that your kind can fool most empaths so easily is that well…, while empaths in general are usually quite good at reading people (and they trust their ability to do so to a fault), but…, for all of them…, they can only read that which they can understand (that is like one of the rules of empathy reads). Innocent empaths can’t read evil because they are innocent. Innocent empaths can’t read the evil of a narcissist and they trust their ability to read others to a fault, so they helplessly trust the narcissist.

    1. I find your comments intriguing. My challenge knowing that I could & did read people was not feeling anything from this mid range Narc. He was a blank slate, nothing at all good or bad. When he played the pity story of being medicated for PTSD I of course excused the lack of emtional vibration, thinking that was the cause of the numbness. Be for warned fellow empaths, modern psychological medication can block our instincts & abilities. Lessons learned the hard way.

      1. Same here. I couldn’t work him out/feel anything from him. Nothing.
        I kissed him first. Just to see .
        He looked annoyed more than anything. I think we were supposed to be in Act 1 and I’d jumped to Act 3 .

  15. I might be what you call a super empath, but…, if I am…, I wouldn’t consider my self super or anything like that. Maybe I am something else.

    What I am is an empath that grew up with two younger brothers that are both pathological narcissists. Either or both of them may also be sociopaths too. My mother is likely a cluster b too, although I really can’t figure her out.

    I don’t think that I am more good or better than a garden variety empath though.

    What you are calling super empaths may just be normal empaths that grew up with narcissists and know how to deal with them.

    What you call super nova is like a trick that I learned when I was something like four years old or so. It isn’t very hard at all. I really wouldn’t call it super anything much less super nova.

    Yeah.. empaths that grew up with narcissists likely have more narcissistic traits than ones that didn’t. But, they also are better at defending themselves against narcissists.

    1. Oh…, I forgot to mention something kind of important. I can for the most part identify your kind. It isn’t perfect, but uncannily good. One of the rules of empathy is that you can only read that which you can understand. Innocent empaths looks at someone that is 99.9% evil and .1% good and can only see the .1% good because the .1% of them that is good is the only thing they understand. I grew up with two pathological narcissist. With someone that is 99.9% evil, I can only see the evil and that is so bright that I can’t see the .1% of them that is good.

    2. I agree with you Trent, a super empath almost sounds like a super hero able to conquer the greater narcissist, however I think HG may be indulging in the super empath’s narcissistic side because he only knows narcissism. This is simply my interpretation.

    3. Trent, I don’t know if you are still there because your comment was in February, but I am very interested in your comments. My experience with a narc is with an older sibling. I think your observation that an empath supernova is a coping mechanism learned in childhood is spot on. Also how an empath may not recognize a narc because they only see the good part. I would like you to expand upon this. Also, I have registered and am looking forward to hearing HG talk at the conference

  16. Hmmmm…I really, really dislike being labelled but I recognise myself in this completely.

    If he took to long to respond to a message, I would make sure he knew I had seen his message and then deliberately not message him back for ages. If he was distant with me then I was distant with him. Little wonder I didn’t last very long!

  17. I’ve read several piece on narcissism and their relationship with empaths, but nothing has ever resonated so personally as this article has. I agree that it’s a feeling that can’t be explained when an empath is with a narcissist. Something just feels “off” and you can feel it in your very being. That there’s a deception being perpetrated and an ulterior motive at play. The “supernova” is a fascinating idea and one that I’ve personally experienced with a few narcissists, and much like you’ve written, the empathic traits are merely dimmed, not completely vanquished, and do return in time. The shocking thing about narcissists to me, before I knew they were narcissists that is, is how quickly they could move on after discarding. When I learned about narcissism, I came to accept that they weren’t truly moving on since they were never really attached in the first place. The kind words and wide smiles were snares to catch their prey. Once we as empaths see the narcissist for who they truly are, the natural connection of empathy is severed due to the realization that we’re being used in a parasitic way instead of a symbiotic way.

    1. Thank you for mentioning the “off” feeling. I had it even when he spoke to me as an acquaintance years before we dated. The normals all told me how great he was and I was just a relationship phob. I will never ignore that feeling again. Unfortunately a friend has started dating someone I recognize as a Narc. She is constantly bragging about him online & in person so I just ignore it knowing she would lose the friendship 1st because of the way they operate. Wait and help pick the pieces is all I can do. But it’s a good test that my Narc radar is working!

    2. Miro, your words are mine, as well. Thank you for commenting.

      HG, I know most of these labels are given by you, but would any of the Greater Elite/Cerebral Narcs (your label) know this about Super Empath Supernovas (again, your label)? In other words, would the GE Narc know if he’s with a SES type of person; and if so, would he be intelligent enough to know that we’re the type of people who won’t stay down for long? Does his type know they’ll never kill our souls off completely; and that, in fact, we’ll usually come back stronger?

      1. So, why do they bother hoovering then if there’s that much of a risk to being criticized and wounded?

      1. What if the ending of the empathic supernova is not caused by the greater narcissit beating the super empath or the super empath leaving by choice and free will. What if they are forced apart by an extream third party external authoritative and omnipotent government force and the empathic while in supernova mode is then forcibly detained for an extened period of two months or more? Then let back out to find the Narc? And did find and now have this strange narrative caused by a slow draw out discared again seeming brought on by forced condtions outside his and my control to a point. But has now currently put him in some kind of benavolent omnipotent Dark angel protector pulling strings behind the sceans which i come to find out about much later when told or slipped by someone. Or by those sent to me by him. And of course his somewhat constant shadowing of me. I have seen and so have some other friends. I need your advise u have a mind and opinion that could no doubt shead light on this.
        It also is important to note. That my Psyco-Narc (whom I still love and wish to have again) is a somewhat flamboyant Gay man and I was at the time and i guess still am Pansexual or Bisexual. But would have been seen as straight. We had many different stages and relationahip types over a 13 year period.
        I can continue and tell u more here. Or i can contact u threw email or prv session. I was considering this because I would appreciate and be indebted to you. For the insightful, candid and no doubt eloquently writen opinion.

  18. Can I ask HG … What if this super empath wants to stay and play/toy/manipulate the narcissist having gained full awareness of the situation (thanks HG) and is gaining mutual benefit from being in the relationship.
    Can they then manipulate ALL types of narcissists because of these best of both world traits.
    Thank you. x

    1. There is potential to manipulate all of our kind but it will not last long with a Greater because we see through it and will either fight back and make your life terrible or we will recognise there is nothing to be gained and therefore disengage.

      1. Thank you HG. One final question and I’ll leave you in peace. Promise. Xx
        What if you have ‘information’ on them (not their narcissism) but linked to their job/public persona…will the hoovering continue.
        Why not let things be and slink off secure in knowledge that their secrets are safe. Surely no fuel is worth the risk. Xxx

      2. Depends what the information is.

        Remember, we consider ourselves beyond reproach and it is only those with a higher cognitive function who can evaluate risk v reward (and even then I am told it is still skewed – but I just think that is the good doctors trying to make me climb down a peg or two) therefore often we will consider the fuel our entitlement and the supposed threat non-existent. What is of greater concern is the potential for wounding through criticism. That is what often causes us to re-consider hoovering.

      3. “Nothing to be gained”? The super empath will not remain in supernova mode permanently and eventually will begin a campaign oozing loads of fuel (there’s no fuel like super empath fuel). The Greater continues to benefit. The virus may get stronger, but so does the immune system. Is it possible the greater and the super empath continually evolve? Exciting or frightening?

  19. This explains so much! I was getting frightfully aware of traits and behaviors i didnt understand in him, the narc, and couldn’t quite get why it was drawing out the need to combat him. And it explains why he said it pushed him away. He wasn’t pushed away, he ran away and hid with his codependent fuel source, completely incapable of producing real answers for his b.s.

  20. This is exactly what I needed to read. I escaped about 2 1/2 months ago and I was starting to worry that I’ve become a narc. I can definitely relate to your description of a Supernova Empath. Thank you!!

      1. I also am a supernova via HG and I also thought I had this wicked narc behavior.I found myself pushing away my empathic traits, I found when these traits were pushed aside I could clearly see inside my sons girlfriend the narc in my life, I feel like a 300 pound weight has been removed. always knowing something was just not right. I even feel a little disgusted with myself that I had to do what I did to twist it back around back at her. She may have a feeling it was me but all the people she tri angled its next to impossible.That was the moment the weight lifted, I had to repent it was awful the manipulation I used on her. Now she wonders but has taken a stand that it was nothing she did, I feel very greatful that HG has given his expertise in this behavior that we can escape or if we cant turn the tables around on the narcs in our life ,My grandchildren are safer and one of the other children has been taken out of the home, one of the older children 17 years. Like I said I’m not proud of what I did ,
        Thank you very much HG !!!!!!!! I believe her to be the lesser.
        I will stand my ground and fight fire with fire. But I fight from a distance as no contact is in place.
        Thank you Thank you again and again !!!!!!

  21. Great article indeed, it puts many things into perspective! Thank you! But one of the people that commented (it was CC, I checked..;) about the freedom and ego that wounds and is wounded and I’m wondering what are your thoughts about it? When I was in that mess with ex-narc, I’ve tried all possible…trying to talk about stuff, fighting him back when I realised it was intentional and also I saw it as a sort of spiritual opportunity ..as a zen practise.he..he I’ve been observing myself and him, trying to figure out how to neutralise it all but the pressure was too strong. The more I declined to react in any way, the harder he pushed …it was impossible not to feel some sort the reaction to the insults or provocations – but I could not detach from it all…I would eventually have to say or do something. I was often not insulted by his stupidities not because I thought he was right, but because I thought he was a complete emotional idiot or hurt so badly or just deranged. But there were times he just pushed and pushed to get an answer, a choice or whatever it was and it was impossible to detach from ego or whatever it is. I don’t even see what could be the alternative…what would be free person’s way to go. For me…as he kept insisting I answer or do or say something, zen was not a choice…since I couldn’t just sit there in silence.The question is therefore…how would a free person actually behave, feel, act? What are your thoughts about it? You have great insights and you come from different perspective, so maybe you know. In this world of duality, specially with your kind – it seems that one has to chose something, some way of acting, dealing with…Buddha in your heart, but on the outside it is a,b or c.

      1. Sorry for such a late reply! Yes…he’s donig his best with maladies …

    1. If you are still in a relationship with someone who provokes you, you are not free. You cannot be free in an abusive relationship, the abuser will make sure of this, this is why it’s called abuse. Freedom is breaking the patterns your mind have been programmed to do, to discipline self to not act out of emotion. Emotions are to be celebrated, and honored, however they should not be an indicator of any truth, except that chemicals are being released. Does this make emotions less real? Absolutely not. After emotions are felt and dealt with allow the brain to do it’s work, so your mind and heart work together in a more perfect harmony. Like you I tried all reactions to no avail. I could not begin breaking chains until I left, until I had little to no contact, until I forced myself to be alone, to confront my fears. Once I was at that place my ego’s need to relent on how badly I had been treated, to cry my woes, waking to how bad it really was, how far and twisted the abuse went, the assault of my psyche and so forth, and purging the whole damn story, a long and grueling process and an obsession in its own right, replacing the obsession I had over my narc was the next phase I found myself in. This created a rut for me, I found myself in a victim hood mentality, and felt like I had hit a wall in my healing. I realized I needed to take this journey further, the one thing that has stuck out about HG’s writing, was the Narc doesn’t care about you, it is all about the Narc. Here I was, finally free from my narc and still it was all about him. That’s when I turned towards to me, and I became fascinated at the thought of how I contributed to my abuse and what created me to be attracted to my Narc in the first place. It was this process that literally busted link after link in my chains. Discovering what fed my ego, owning my wounds self inflicted or otherwise and my addiction to the dance, broke illusions, torn down walls, and everything I could understand logically but couldn’t get my feelings to understand all came together like that final piece missing in a puzzle. When that piece was put into place, I saw that no one can complete me, no will never complete me, for I am already complete and I always have been. I was captured and put in a cage and programmed to believe I was not whole, the age old lie of all time. This is where detachment happens, this is where the world, literally anyone, can touch my life, think, say and do anything towards me, and I am free from having it turn me inside out, for it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them, and incidentally the same goes from me to others. I don’t hate my abusers, I don’t hate period. I celebrate the tragedies of life, the very breath of life is tragedy and beauty rolled into that first inhale and exhale at our very birth and at our last breath. I am not angry at God, I am not angry at my parents, or society, I am honored to have the opportunity to experience every raw and mundane moment I am blessed with, for one day I will cease to exist, and even as I am still alive at this very moment I can feel my soul mourn and wish to live forever just to exist even to exist in suffering. This is my story, and each of us have our own story, that has never been experienced exactly like the any other person on this planet, and this is what makes us unique and special, this individuality that we all share. Peace be with you, do no give up and don’t stop your quest into you.

      1. This is brilliant, CC.

        This is hopefully the journey everyone here is, or will be on.

        In the same way that CBT helps you to recognise and retrain faulty thinking in a systematic way, it would be good to have a systematic way to undergo the process that you describe you went through.

        I love the way you describe it ‘busting every link in your chains’ one by one. Very evocative.

      2. Correct. I think I am undergoing this right now. I like the statement: emotions are just evidence of chemicals being released. I’ve realised if I take a step back from the provoker of the emotions, then I can figure things out more clearly.

      3. CC

        Wow. I really love your comment. It is powerful and moving.
        Thank you so much.
        I so needed that message today.. (rough day.)
        Finding your comment today made me cry.. because the words are validating and understanding..and much more.
        I have barely any strength today and so I really appreciate that you wrote it.
        There is so much value in what you have written and it really hits home.

        Thanks a million CC..💝x

      4. Thank you Debbie. It means a lot to hear my pain and experience and sharing can reach others and help others to not feel alone. You are worthy of respect, love and protection, DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT. No matter what you have done not done, said or not said, you are a worthy being of love and light, you have all the keys inside your heart and mind, trust your voice, it will never steer you wrong. God Bless and I hope you are on a path of healing, it is a trial during the healing process, however it changes your life in way you can’ t even imagine, do the work take that risk, that risk for YOU, is worth the reward, empower you, be you, AND LOVE YOU- LOVE YOU- LOVE YOU, WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF, THE WORLD OPENS UP.

      5. Thank you for your reply! Yes. .i see now i had several misunderstandings and i misused some spiritual and personal concepts to get over it and to overcome it. Like belief that love and honesty does it, about what is freedom etc. I wanted to believe that being a free person/ spirit means that others dont hurt you if you don’t allow it and not tske thing personaly..but the reaction comes anyway and it is supposed to. And the fact that you dont underatand that way of functioning, it is just beyond you, doesn’t help either.

      6. This took my breath away; the wisdom contained in this one paragraph could, I am firmly convinced, teach others how to become truly free. And you said it sooooo beautifully that tears came to my eyes. Hopefull ones… You could write a record-breaking bestseller, I am sure of it! Thank you for sharing your inspiring story, CC.

  22. Great, this article seems to answer the question regarding my “status”. I’ve been following this blog for a while now and ever so often been wondering what I am. I grew up within a highly narcissistic family, my mother is (I like the denomination “matrinarc” HG, makes me laugh) from my point of view the epitome of cluster B personality disorders. It took years for me to come to terms with everything I had to watch, experience and endure as a child. As i was the only child i happened to be the “golden child”… unless I was turned into the scapegoat of course. For my late grandfather I was “sunshine”, the apple of his eye, but only I couple of years ago I’ve come to realise that he was a narcissist who reigned in terror. I knew “stories” about his malignant behaviour in his past but to me he was always kind and polite, he adored me. (The fact that I am highly intelligent and always excelled in school did help though, I must assume. As well as the fact that I am lucky in the looks department.) However, I remember that he put a lock on the telephone (B.C. Mobile Phones) and one day he told me (I was probably 5) that I could tell my grandmother that she is allowed to make a call now. I obliged and ran into the kitchen to tell her, but she declined. I could not understand it then, however, after all my research about personality disorders I now can fully grasp the dynamics at a play.
    Well, I could go on about my mother, my uncle, my grandfather and all the narcissistic dynamics at home but the reason I wanted to commment in this article is the fact that I’ve been wondering what I am. For years I’ve been asking myself that question. Am I borderline? Am I co-dependent? An empath? Bipolar? Depressed? Plain shit crazy?
    It’s been hard to distinguish since my mother kept telling me for decades that I am the crazy one. (Whenever I wasn’t the golden child).
    So, upon reading a lot about narcissism and all the other interesting disorders of the psyche (in the beginning I wanted to fix others, then I wanted to fix myself and then again fix others) and upon stumbling onto this blog I was thinking: am I a daywalker? As in the movie “Blade”? I mean, narcissists do come across as vampires sucking out bloody fuel, I am the daughter, granddaughter and niece to narcissistic vampires, does that make me one?
    Granted, I like fuel. I don’t depend on it. I like control. I am overly dramatic. But does that mean I am overly emotional? I thought I was. But then again my range of emotions seems limited sometimes. Anger and rage I feel. Burning sensations. Love, of course. But I am a woman and how does love feel anyway? Sadness and depression I feel time and time again. Happiness borderlines mania. But how could I ever learn the shades of grey of emotions within a family line this? I observed. I’ve learned. I always wanted to be an actress, mimicking emotions. Method acting. But what ate emotions? What am I? I am an empath. I will connect with anyone. I will meet a stranger and he will tell me his life story. I get attached. I want to break free. I care one minute, than I don’t. I suffer. I hate. I love. I fall hard for people with personality disorders. I want to fix them. I want them to fix me. I fail. They fail. I leave. They abandone me.
    What am I?
    Am I the narcissist?
    Am I co-dependent?
    An empath?
    Super-Empath?
    Maybe, HG, you have the answer. Maybe I am the daywalker. The super-empath with floating around the traits of both the empath and the narcissist.
    I had the choice. Become them or be me. But who am I?
    I hated them. I yearned for their love. They disappointed me. I disappointed them. I fought them. I hurt them. They hurt me. I want revenge. I let them be. I ignore them. I want them to miss me. I fight them. I don’t care. It’s cease and resist.
    It’s the best of both worlds.
    It’s the worst of both worlds.
    It’s a supernova.

    1. Feels familiar. I am not a narcissist and a co-dependent never range well with me. It was also the only real word floating around in the 90’s.

      But as I started to really understand narcissism, I started to see traits in me but with a confusing exception… I feel and feel deeply. And I have empathy and a conscience.

      Last night, I cried reading some old texts with him. I want to talk to him badly. My Empathic Supernova event did its necessary thing and now the feelings are flooding back. I want to fight with him badly. I want to have access to him but we both cut ourselves off from each other. I want to dance again, truthfully. And I am really sad cause once he told me, “If you want to say hello, why not just do so, why all the drama?” I felt so exposed because he knew the incredible longing in me. But I also know he was not so stupid to know what he had done to me. And how he set me up, created the drama. And I grovel to no one for long. And because I started to get what he is and I refuse to be one of his harem. I want to be his only one, the only one when his high from tertiary supply wears off that his last thoughts at night drift to me. To me. I want him to feel the torment I feel. I called it once a Greek tragedy but it seems it was only tragic for me. For him it was only another day, only another appliance to throw out or recycle.

      So I disappointed him, he me. We wounded each other to the core. We would not leave each other alone until now. No one won. I miss him awfully and yearn something unbearable for his love that he does not feel but he was giving me something that felt something from him. Too many people were slowly being dragged into this mess but oddly and in a strange way. We never once really used those other people to turn on the other. In a subtle way, maybe we tried, but we never went that far with each other. That puzzles me. It felt like in some odd way, we were just a bit protecting the other. But this was a superbova event. He is not a greater. He won’t be back. He left a door open for me to return, but he won’t be returning. He always left a door open but I never understood why and made up my own reasons. He is not strong enough. He knows I think less of him now, I know some of his secrets. The Supernova did what it was intended to do. But now I am on the other side of it, the dust settling and the reality creeping in and I want him back. I want him to miss me. But enough is enough. Even I know that at last. I escaped and my heart hurts badly in a whole new way. “Its cease and resist.” Yes this went on too long.

      I don’t know what I am, either. I feel like an incredible mix of everything.

      1. Thank you Sarabella for sharing this a little while ago.
        I read it today and can relate to it. Really helped.

    2. I totally relate to you, I was once the golden child, but I had an interesting transformation. I was very lucky to be promoted temporarily to golden child to my mom (the suffering victim), in that way, I escaped. I think I am a superempath too. You might find it hard at the beginning of your awakening to realize that your superempathic powers are actually gifts from ‘heaven’. They are coping mechanisms that one can develop. These powers come with lots of management exercises to regulate our emotions. Mediation certainly is key.
      May you have a loving supernova….

      1. Mahmoud, I agree, it does feel like a gift and gives purpose. Well said!

    3. You sound like a supanova. I’m a supernova…..which of course is a double edged sword. I’ve taken on many a narc. They’re scared of me. I have been denounced by an entire narc family for my supanova behaviour. Lesser narc brother just can’t bare it when I’m around, mid ranger mother can’t believe my audacity, and my high ranger ex is starting to get the message. Its the only way to be but, is to hit back. Not in an aggressive way, but in an ‘I don’t like how you treat people kinda way’ and I’m not going to stand for it. Supa nova behaviour is only way to get a narc out of your life. You’d be surprised but; I think the narc kind of respects David against Goliath types.

      1. Someone told me she thinks my narc loves my fight. I don’t know because he has cut me off twice. its just the cycle of violence in this dynamic

    4. You’re amazingly astute HG. I’m a supernova and am honing narc skills on a greater. My my my… what a trip it’s been. We own a business together and are joined at the hip. I know he cheats, we haven’t been intimate in almost a year and I am fine with it. Lol I’m having a good time cock blocking him…I could tell you stores that would make you proud. I found out about cheating while going through chemo for breast cancer. He’s an altruistic somatic greater. Ima smoke his ass. Lol

      1. Hello Danae, thanks for your comment. A couple of observations. You cannot be a supernova, that is an event, you go supernova at certain times as a super empath, a few people make the mistake of thinking that a supernova is a school of empath, it isn’t. Also, a narcissist cannot be altruistic. That is oxymoronic as altruism is giving for no reward and we only ever give because it suits us as we are getting something from it in return. Looks like you are seizing the power though.

      2. You are a true survivor in every sense. Congrats on making it thru Chemo! So much for the vows to honor in sickness and in health.

  23. Ok WOW. Just WOW….

    I had more then one narc relationship. I like their charisma, their “I do not care” mentality. They are the elephant that makes my path in the high grass, so I don’t have to.
    I don’t like to talk to people often, small talk is not for me. My narcs do that for me. They break the ice and when it gets interesting I jump in.

    I know that I use their methods on themselves. I even gaslight and giggle when I see confusion on their faces. I just keep a poker face and when I see the bewilderment, I start laughing. Knowing I learned from the best and the best is now pissed off because I pulled his leg!

    Also the lashing out is something I recognise in your writing.
    I lash out as long as I need to. I will use every dirty little detail I know to make him feel small. Every painful life experience I will smack in his face until I see him break.
    The man with the child in his eyes… #KateBush

    When that point is reached, I start again.
    You want to communicate like this, or shall we try again the civilised way?

    Mind you, I do not use this narc methods on a dayley basis. I use them when I am attacked verbally or made fool off when I express my needs or feelings.

    I did not know that this was concidered as a super empath. I somethimes thought I was turning in to one, a narc I mean.
    But me crying at a gentle gesture, or cheesy movie tells me enough.
    I am poweful because I can go both ways. Also I can project myself into another persons feelings, since I can emphasise in his shoes. Feeling and feeding the shame and hurt him when he goes too far.

    One told me: You’re stronger then me. You know how to hurt me hard, your words are like blows to the head.
    And I just smiled and gave him some positive fuel to trigger his dopamine to keep him quiet. Looked him deep in the eyes and say…. “I’m so in love with you, you are f*cking gorgeous” and off he went, melting….
    He must have been a mid ranger, I don’t know. Guess he went on to a less powerful victim after me! :))
    Got bored of him anyway. One trick pony he was.

    Thank you for making me aware of who I am Mr. Tudor.

    1. The man with the child in his eyes, oh yes, I can definitely relate to that!
      A very important song for me.
      Always drawn to difficult men, suffered, endured, fought them and left them. In the end I’ve always turned into a narcissist. Did the triangulation, the smear campaign (to a point) but never really got satisfaction. I wanted love, wanted them to change, wanted to fix them but only to a certain point. If they failed one time too many and i suffered too much from my point of view… they’d be gone. At some point they always come back. But once I ‘m fed up I’m fed up. I never want this to happen, i tell them… if only they could “sober up” in time… and they get some chances, don’t they? However, although I find some pleasure in hurting them afterwards by just ignoring them I still feel sad sometimes. They could have the best and destroyed it. Poor people…

      1. I find them fascinating. Test them and see if I get the response I predict.
        I was “chosen” because of my high morals, I detest liars and he always mockingly called me a saint.
        Funny thing was, he could not tell when I was lying. He accused me of lying when I was not, making sure I defended myself so he could make more fuss out of it. But when I decided to turn the table, started using him for my own benefits, making stories up to help and maintain his fairytale world, he would totally buy it!

        I think of myself as a honest person, but he liked me better when I was telling him “his” story and so lying.
        I played a part in his make believe world and I was chosen en groomed to for fill the role he created for me.
        Filling in how I would feel, what I would say, how I would react in certain circumstances.

        You are going to cry when you see this, he said.
        No I won’t.
        Please let me think that you will cry when Ilet you see this?
        Eh……. Nope? Why wouldI cry?
        You can cry, but I will not.
        This was a conversation about hi taking me to Rome one day.
        That day never came, at that point I was sure he was mental.

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