By The By

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By making you love us, admire us and adore us. By praising our brilliance, marvelling at our superiority and hailing our god-like magnificence. By craving us and worshipping us. By shining your spotlights on us. By seeking your sympathy. By playing the victim. By lying. By lying. By lying again. By issuing excuses. By using you, exploiting you and draining you. By taking your money and your possessions. By isolating you and scaring you. By having you run around for us, jump for us and pander to us. By comparing you to others, by making you anxious and by making you walk on eggshells. By promising the world, jam tomorrow and showing you heaven. By changing the rules that never applied in the first place. By raising the bar and moving the goal posts. By putting you down, mocking you and insulting you. By making you take the blame and by making you feel guilty. By making you scream, cry and sob. By wounding you and hurting you. By confusing and bewildering you. By pushing you and pulling you and pushing you and pulling you. By lifting you up and casting you down. By binding you to us and by sucking you into our world. By false promises and empty apologies. By using him and by adding her. By saying nothing, by saying nothing and by still saying nothing. By lifting you up, by slamming you down, by saying yes and by making you say no, no no. By never listening, by seeing only what we want to see, by doing what we want, by going where we choose and by doing as we please. By some distance, by yourself, by the narcissistic book. By vanishing, by disappearing, by disapproving, by snarling and by sneering. By smiling, by touching, by whispering and by caressing. By promising, by offering, by suggesting and by supplying. By delivering, by forgetting, by letting you down and by walking away. By being the best, by being like nothing else, by giving you your dreams and by shattering them too. By stealth, by slices, by insidious application. By charm, by magnetism and by honey-covered words with sugar-coated smiles. By a nod of the head, by a raise of the eyebrow, by a clench of the fist, by a swing of the foot. By nothing at all, by everything and more, by the first golden light and by the unceasing night. By silence, by shouting, by screaming and by sobbing. By laughing, by teasing, by holding and by shaking. By the illusion, by the fabrication, by the disbelief, by the horror. By the treachery, by the rage, by the isolation and by the smothering. By love-bombing, by triangulating, by gas lighting and by never stopping. By going, by returning, by hoovering and by departing. By not letting go, by giving nothing, by taking everything and by binding you tight.

By existing.

But never bye bye.

25 thoughts on “By The By

  1. nanajacqui says:

    I realised too late that I am still too raw emotionally to read this.
    H.G. Tudor, you are sometimes too good with words… or is that too brutal with the truth?
    Whatever, I am going to hide and do my best not to cry.

  2. BraveHeart says:

    Never say never!

  3. ava101 says:

    I was wondering, HG: what’s your view on the following? I’ve educated myself a bit on “evil minds” and for obvious reason, the highest score goes to mass murderers who sexually abuse and torture their victims before killing them (and doing God knows what with their bodies even then). So, I was wondering, though: what’s more (and more planned) evil – killing someone after abuse or not killing someone for the sole reason that “then you could not use them anymore”. ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I suppose it is a matter of perspective. Some people regard the taking of life in a pre-meditated way a most evil act, others would regard the continued torture to be worse, notwithstanding there is no murder.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thanks. So my thoughts are not completely off …
        Current neuro science also says that the same areas in the brain lighten up regardless if abuse is verbal/emotional or physical … I’d rather not think this through logically.

  4. Don’t like it!! I see a lot of myself in that?? Urrrgggg! Maybe I am a narc and use my emotions to get fuel, but didn’t know it was fuel I was after?????

  5. Bruised says:

    this time…bye bye my dear.

  6. Entertainment says:

    By wanting more, by wanting less, by being clueless. By providing no fuel and having the final Goodbye .By seizing this moment.

  7. Nomore says:

    Are you in cahoots…all of you?

  8. Ciara says:

    It’s unbelievable to me that you are a Narcissistic, Wow! H.G. You’re a magnificent writer. I can relate to your blog very well, This is the most phenomenal blog I’ve come across. Thank you for sharing and explaining to us why it happen , what has happen & (what’s getting ready to happen) whew!, and most of all THE WAY OUT

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Ciara.

  9. Desiree baardsen says:

    tysm for your honesty, i am honestly in fucking tears over here…..

  10. Laurie says:

    Thank you for giving us this in January so we can plan ahead for the rest of 2017.

  11. msmpower says:

    Your writing HG, as with the narcissist/sociopath, is DEVASTATING to the reader. Not only is it my mind that shutters reading your words…but as well, my body and it all reverberates deep into my soul. Your words seep into me, as did the actions and words of the experience I fell into. Fell for. Climbed out of. Devastating is the perfect word to describe it all. One word that is defined by destructive, ruinous, disastrous, catastrophic, cataclysmic, shattering, shocking, traumatic, yet, extremely impressive and/or effective. Even in your writing, you hold true to yourself in who you are. For that, I am forever grateful.

    Sometimes, I have to read or listen in small bits, so as to not gag on the truth. The truth has made me stronger in where I am in need of changing. I have always said, “you can’t change another person, but you can change your proximity with them.” RUN.

    I understand that you may not be looking for accolades by doing your work, but I feel it is important that you do know, that I for one, am grateful for your truth and sharing it with all who need it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I always appreciate accolades msmpower and thank you for your kind words. You are seizing the power.

    2. Stephanie Farlow says:

      And the truth shall set you free…eventually.

  12. Snow White says:

    By giving us the world. Your world HG.
    Very powerful isn’t it?

  13. sea Shell says:

    By an insidious illusion.

  14. Debbie says:

    That is a great piece of writing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

      1. Debbie says:


  15. neurocolls says:

    And still we love you, worship you and think you are more wonderful than ever possible. That we ourselves are below you. We think that you are godlike.We are amazed that you descended from heaven to us in shining glory. We search in vain and with bewilderment for what offering will make either ourselves godlike or you human. Or else we are lost forever…

  16. Ollie says:

    And by not ever having my back…

  17. sarabella says:

    Some of us are stronger than others. I was fighting my way away from him within 3 months. Yes, it still took some time, yes, he did all that, yes, he got his cruel devalues in, yes he deeply hurt me, yes he tried to bind me to him with a loan he took, yes i fought back and made him pay me, yes i found out about his perverted life. But in the end I said Bye Bye. And I will never say hello again.

    What is the fastest time before someone escaped you after going through all that above? And stayed gone forever? Does it still irk you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean what was the fastest escape by somebody in terms of the time elapsed from the start of the seduction to their escape?
      None have stayed gone forever of the few who have escaped. The one who is gone did not escape me first but had been discarded, albeit one might I suppose argue she achieved the ultimate escape.

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