The Relational Tower

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I sit up on high in my Relational Tower. I can see so much from this throne.

I look to the north and see the golden and shimmering lines which extend from me to my loyal subjects across the land. I see my supporters, my followers and my coterie going about their daily lives but all the while connected to me. They feel such privilege to be linked to me, their liege and I feed on that sense of privilege and the admiration and that adoration which is entwined around it.

I look to the south and see yet more lines of sparkling gold which link between me and my most devout lieutenants. From my vantage point I can signal to them and they will obey, carrying out my commands, executing my diktats and honouring my instructions. It is a source of great comfort to gaze in their direction and observe their industry on my behalf.

I look to the east and frown at the assembled legions which march towards me. The malcontents, the rejected, the fools and the idiots, all those who have taken up against me and now march in the expectation that they will unseat me. Yet further lines span out from me to these traitors. Dark purple lines, nearly invisible against the glowering firmament, these multitudinous lines which have those transgressors permanently attached to me and through which I pull, twist and yank. They moan, they wail and they lament their fate but there is no hope for any other for these are those who bear the stain of betrayal, the putrid stench of sedition emanates from their shambling frames. Let them come, let them advance towards me and I shall watch them as they break against my tower, like waves against the rocks as they are sent scattering and dissipating into so much spray. I watch them from afar, sometimes commanding my lieutenants to enter the fray to cajole and direct, a myriad of gold and purple shimmering and glinting as the lines combine. From time to time the purple becomes golden as by my most glorious bounty I bestow the wondrous joy upon the select few.

I look to the west and there I see you. You shine with such glory, the golden line between you and I fizzing with effervescence. A thick line which coils about your wrists, torso and throat, sending that precious essence towards me. There are days when that connection will dim to the purple of guilt, the thick line becoming stretched and thinned, but never ever breaking. I watch you as you journey towards me, face upturned, eyes rapturous, hands outstretched as the light burns brighter and those who are less than me would struggle to gaze upon you, but I always will. Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.

I watch you all as you journey towards me, the supporters, the lieutenants, the outcasts and you. I can see it all from this elevated position as I organise, direct and orchestrate. I know what you want. I know what you all want, each and every one of you.

I am attached to you all, you are bound to me, some tighter than others, some with those chains which bite and burn, others who raise no objection to their silken bondage, but all are bound to me. I made it so. I wanted that. I am connected to so many of you. I have a relationship with each and every one. Our relational proximity varies from stranger to intimate partner, from minion to inner circle friend, from colleague to family member and so on. Relationships. I have them by the hundred and create more each day, reaching out with my tendrils of gold and purple in order to remain exactly where I want to be – at the centre in my tower.

I know why you all head towards me. You want to enter this tower and thus gain admittance to me. You wish to unlock the vast gate and pass through the imposing portal to enable you to climb the winding stone steps, each time passing without hindrance or complication through the many doors and gates which guard my inner sanctum.

I know you want to enter my inner sanctum.

Some of you want to cradle what you find there. Some of you wish to possess what your eyes will rest upon. Some of you wish to claim a portion for yourselves and be forever imbued with its effects. Some of you wish to release what is in this inner sanctum. Some of you wish to understand what lies there. Some of you wish to destroy what is revealed.

Whatever it might be, the hundreds of relationships which I have, no matter how long, how strong and how tightly bound or otherwise these may be all seek to enter my Relational Tower and penetrate the inner sanctum.

This cannot happen.

I made this tower. I built it high. I built the walls deep and thick, constructed from the stones of denial and the slabs of deflection all held in place with the mortar of fuel. I fashioned the thick timbers of the door from projection, the timber bolted together through triangulation and the lock created from a steely gaze and iron resolve. The heavy bar that is set against it arose from the blame-shifting. I have set many traps and pitfalls within this tower in order to prevent anybody reaching the inner sanctum. The stone steps are smeared with vitriol, the walls spiked with character assassination, cauldrons wait to pour their heated fury onto you and cast you in deep pits of despair. The stone is so thick that there is only ever silence here, it as if the very walls are giving you a cold and baleful stare. Everything that I have learned will be used to impede your progress, hamper and hinder you so you may not ever reach that inner sanctum.

I know you all want to go there. I know you want to reach deep inside of me, into my inner sanctum but I must not allow it. I dare not. I cannot admit anybody. Ever.

I built this tower high. I built it thick. I made it impenetrable.

I built it to keep you out.

I built it to keep me in.

We are always connected but so long as I remain in my Relational Tower in such spending isolation then my inner sanctum remains preserved and so do I.

13 thoughts on “The Relational Tower

  1. alissa says:

    what about children? Do they know what’s inside the tower?

  2. BraveHeart says:

    This is the first article I’ve read that helps me understand better just how substantial the walls of your tower really are. It saddens me to know that there really is no helping you because there’s clearly no way in hell anyone is ever going to break through. Even chipping away at it for the rest of your life may be useless. I really want to think otherwise, but you have to want it just as much, if not more, from the inside and I just don’t think that will happen. Still, HG, may God find His way into you because you, of all Narcs, deserve true light in your life!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you BH.

  3. NarcAngel says:

    I would like to know more about the female Narc dynamic. Wheres B.E?

  4. Karin says:

    The thing is, you are not attached to us, not are we attached to you. We are all attached to your armor.

  5. A. says:

    Dear H. G.,
    I love the way you write.
    That said, it sounds terribly lonely to me.
    If he keeps us at such a distance at all times – how can we be important?

    I am only a second source and a colleague, more was never wanted, which made me feel so safe with him in the beginning.

    Now I had no time for him when he wanted to speak to me, the only time that happened in 6 years, and he hated it. I’ve been shown a tiny piece of his ugly side, which I thought I was safe from as I usually don’t displease him. Turns out I was more important than I thought, I was frozen and ignored and my privileges taken away for a few days. I now sought to get the situation back to normal and tried for attention, but I only now found your writings and started on the first one, “Sitting Target”. Question: Will being available when he wants to see me be enough to keep things from turning uglier while I am reading and learning more?

    He made me trust him over time and could use some things to make my life unpleasant.

    Sorry for the rant, it’s just I was the recipient of his ugly side for the first time ever, and am a tad shell-shocked.

    It is possible I will book your email consultation at a later time after I read your books.

    Thanks for being there for us.

  6. Love says:

    Thank you for this beautiful love letter.
    “I am attached to you…you are bound to me, tighter than others, you raise no objection to the silken bondage”
    YES! ❤
    And yes again, I wish to claim a portion for myself and be forever imbued with its effects. ❤

  7. Flickatina says:

    Are you Sauron? Is there something we should be casting into the fires of Mount Doom in order to destroy you? Can Sean Bean live to the end of this one please?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do have an all-seeing eye. Unfortunately Sean “oh two see what you can do” Bean is contractually obliged to die in his films. That said he did have a cameo role in Shopping (Jude Law’s first major role) and he didn’t die in that. Cameos must be an exception.

      1. Flickatina says:

        I guess the film where he spends 80% of it as a dragon (or something) would count as a cameo.

        Are you George R R Martin? Surely only a SuperNarc could come up with Cersei Lannister.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t know that film. Presumably he lends his voice talent to it?

          No I am not GRRM. He doesn’t strike me as one of our kind, he’s a talented writer who obviously knows some of our kind though, Game of Thrones is littered with our kind and Cersei is amongst the best/worst. Reminds me of my aunt.

      2. Flickatina says:

        I believe it was called Mirror Mirror. And I think he lived to the end of Jupiter Ascending. Which is a truly awful film – redeemed only by Sean Bean, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne and Douglas Booth.

        You have to hand it to Cersei though – she knows what she wants and is not afraid to go out and get it. Much like Scarlett O’Hara – a long time heroine of mine.

        I wonder – what is the ration of Female Narcs to Male Narcs?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t know that. I have heard that Jupiter Ascending is rubbish.

          I have seen it opined that it is 75% male 25% female, but I think it is closer than that and arises mainly because male victims are less likely to broadcast the experience. As ever, it is anecdotal in observation.

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