I Cannot Love You More

i-cannot-love-you-more

I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you. How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years. Yes, that long. It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you. It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you. I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration. You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve. I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences. This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time. That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you. Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you. I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you. I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one. I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure. Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was. I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality. This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be. I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.

This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you. I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself. Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved? I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come. There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you. How can that now be the case? I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever. Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration I will give you and that shall keep us together. We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this, just as promised the same to her last month and her the month before that and her the same last year.

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54 thoughts on “I Cannot Love You More”

    1. Oh! And the title! Beg your forgiveness
      Legit
      Bloody Brilliant
      The longest con you could muster in a post,
      But you reveal at the end.
      I am grateful to you.

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      1. Oh dear Lord girl, your wounds are weeping again. That sass and bitchy concealer you’re using isn’t covering it all up.

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      2. Love…. you have a fondness towards HG. Why are you calling Ashley? You are interesting to me. Your mental stability is a little… questionable

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      3. Ooooh Hannah, you want a piece of me too? I’m a peaceful person but if you take a stab at me then it is ON. I can get ghetto on your a$$.

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      4. The commentators on your blog are riling me up, Mr. Tudor. I got my hair rolled up, took my big hoop earrings off, and kicked off my stilettos.
        We can do this!
        Come at me!
        I wish you would!

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      5. Of course you would Bloody.
        Thank you for your 2 cents.
        Now you can go back to your long-winded sermon about your grandiosity.

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      6. Before you chastise someone about their brand of bitchy concealer Love, you might want to replace that cheap drugstore brand you are using.

        It is becoming a tad too translucent to be flattering.

        Before you douse yourself in your favourite scent (Victim No. 5) over my comment, I was asking a question because I thought perhaps I missed something. It can be hard to keep up with all the comments, especially since HG is so close to 3 million and new people are joining the flock on the daily.

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      7. Ooooo girl, you told me! Go on wit yo bad self, Bloody. Biatches be hatin, huh? We be throwin shade … Cuz you is so fabulous. Tell me where to buy my bitch brand, cuz I wanna be just like you.
        I tried reading your ‘Because I’m the Shiznit’ soliloquy. I would have rolled my eyes, but gurrrrrl, I fell asleep halfway through your first sentence. 😴

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      8. Lol ashley you said nothing wrong. It’s hilarious to see a woman trying to be a “groupie” (??) to a man who outright admits he has a gf and further just published a post that all women are simply moving and replaceable targets. This was meant to be in fun, and yet the fact that anyone would attack a follower of his out of nowhere is surely the best demonstration of cognitive dissonance ive ever seen.

        P.s. to the viper who is wearing hoop earrings to begin with, you might want to question your style in the first place. I sincerely doubt a woman with your class, further indicated by your acting like a middle schooler online, is up to hg’s calibre to begin with. 😉 and while I’m only joking with you, i just wanted to indicate that we can all play this game, so chill out, ok? 😇

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      9. How cute of you Amber. You don’t know the story yet you jump in head first – trying to make yourself relevant. I appreciate your psychiatric analysis of me. Thank you for straightening me out. Educating me on fashionable accessories and class level. How useful of you. Please continue posting so I can learn and strive to reach your level of sophistication and humor.

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      10. No, that’s quite alright. I’d hate for you to get “ghetto” on me. 😉 jk. in all sincerity, i hope you’re having a good evening.

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      11. Thank you Amber. I’m having a great morning. Hope you have a great day too. And, no, I won’t get ghetto on you…. You seem like a nice lady.

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      12. I do wish I could properly respond to your comment Love, but sadly, I only speak proper English and found it difficult to understand the ghetto-speak in which you felt it necessary to address me.

        Nobody wants a piece of you. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

        You said on another post you did not start the drama but in this case, you did and as usual, you can throw shade around but cannot take it when it is thrown back at you.

        You were rude with Ashley for what seemed like no apparent reason and I was simply wondering what brought it on since I did not see anything sarcastic or malign in what she wrote.

        You might want to ask yourself why you think everything I say to you is a challenge (not that I mind because I find your nonsensical and misguided outbursts highly amusing).

        It is clear to me that receiving any sort of acknowledgement or attention from HG is the basis of your existence and your presence here. Your need for attention is astounding and I find the lengths you will go to get it (though they mostly fail) highly entertaining. I also find the obvious jealousy and pettiness you exhibit when he does not give you the attention you so desperately crave in order to feel validated to be most interesting, for varied reasons.

        I get it, believe me I do. HG is a fucking behemoth. King of Chaos and Confusion. Most Malign Machinator. Duke of Devilish Deceit. Titan of Tricky Triangulation and Tectonic Tomes. Sultan of Seductive Sentences and Savage Smears.

        You show your true colours around here quite often, Love, though I suspect most either do not notice or simply choose to ignore it.

        Not only are you in need of a different brand of concealer, your roots are also showing. I cannot give advice as to which brand you should choose since I have no need of cosmetic enhancements of any kind since, as you so eloquently pointed out, I am perfect as I am.

        If you want to talk to me in an intelligent and constructive manner, I am game. If your aim is to continue to project your shortcomings, fragility of mind and frailty of character upon me, find someone else.

        I do not hate you Love. The truth is, I feel nothing toward you one way or the other.

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      13. I have no wish or interest to
        engage with you Bloody. I do not care to explain myself to you nor am I concerned about your opinion of me. Keep your insults, little girl. I don’t buy your wanna-be greater narcissist image you wish to construct. You are irrelevant to me. Please cease any fubrther communication with me.

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  1. I need your perspective on something,please. O am a supernova empath, attracted to beautiful younger but alcoholic narcissistic men. My last dali ancestors was odd because he kept saying I was not his type physically. ..but when he was drunk, he would tell me he loved me and that my marriage was yhe actual barrier. When I rejected him he told me if I had been hot , he may have loved me, butv such was not the case. I was a supply, but is he a narc or jyst a pathetic alkie..or both? ZOEY

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    1. It is difficult to state he is a narcissist based on the information provided. Assuming however you are correct in what you state, his comments “I love you but the marriage is a barrier” or “If you had been hot I would have loved you” is typical of the conditional, back-handed compliments that we come out with. It is done to confuse you and also to make you feel that you are somehow to blame for the relationship not working.
      Thus form our position – “I love you” we are saying a good thing BUT we cannot love you because “you are not hot enough” which means the fault lies with you. If you had been hot enough, everything would be good, but you are not, so it is your fault, not our fault.

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  2. How do you handle getting caught? And or how would the high-mid /great handle being called out with undeniable evidence? Why does he deny to the death? Does he really believe his lies? I’ve come to realize such statements as “I am a one woman man” is exactly the opposite.

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    1. Getting caught? What does that mean?!

      In the unlikely event that might happen, I would deny, deflect, use charm, threat and so forth to reject the challenge to my authority whilst drawing fuel.
      Lesser and Mid-Rangers believe their own lies, hence they will always reject, project, deflect, deny, blame-shift and so forth as a matter of instinctive response. They do this automatically so they fight against the inherent criticism caused by your presentation of this undeniable evidence. Their perspective will automatically alter to protect them and to draw fuel from you.

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      1. What I mean by getting “caught” is, it took a while, however, I was ultimately able to figure him out as hurtful as this “is”, I was able to take most; not all of the puzzle pieces and finish the puzzle. Like that used 1000 piece puzzle you pick up at a yard sale…and find out when you’re done; that the puzzle is complete, but there are 3 pieces not included, “missing”. Yet it doesn’t matter because you really don’t need those three small pieces to clearly see the image. I mean the ability to KNOW and prove the many lies, deceptions and the one’s that you can’t fully prove, to feel confident in my head that they too were all lies or manipulations, to figure out exact instances or reasons for certain events; triangulation, gaslighting. Being able to say comfortably that I never believed the unbelievable. He appears/appeared to be mid-high, possibly great- a mute point- I would say a master manipulator and lies about small, medium and large habitually. I say this based on YOU and multiple other sources. Though I must say HG. You – though often have angered me; you are my savior! Like that fuel? I mean it. Back to topic, This “man” stood behind my 15 old son and across from my 25 year old son as they carried my husband of 28 years to his grave. He held my daughter at her baptism and would…be the one to walk her down the aisle one day…so in honor of my late-husband and my three children, I have made it my own personal goal to have peace and closure from this POS. HE won’t give me that but I’m taking IT. HE is “caught” in every sense of the word. My mind was in a cage for a year. It’s his turn now for the cage. He’s been caught.

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  3. My goodness, HG! I do have a few questions if you happen to find a moment… Out of sheer curiosity on my part (and the hope your reply will be completely honest) how many “conquests” (so to say) with women have you totalled in the course of your life so far?
    Apologies for the possible impertinence (I mean no harm or offense by the inquiry), but I admit, it has me wondering at times how prolific a Greater or an Elite can be, or is, in this realm.
    Moreover, how does one manage multiple women (from what I’ve taken from your writings) seemingly coming and going in and out of your life pretty consistently? Add in everything else on your plate and it would seem quite exhausting to keep up with (from my perspective, of course).
    Do you enjoy the complexities, the persuit, the juggling, and/or the potential challenges it presents when it comes to targeting & “dating” (i.e., ensnaring a fresh or hoovering a former victim)? Or is this strictly about obtaining their fuel, nothing more nothing less?

    Hope your week is going well!

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  4. This is so romantic except for that last part if it was true I’ld be in love but it’s pretty all you said pretty little lies if it’s too good to be true then it probably is, not probably it is it actually is how bad learned that the hard way

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  5. I am lucky, that my personal devil told me that he cannot love at all. Maybe he tried to hurt me, maybe it was one clear moment he had, but It did take a lot of feeling guilty away from me. And it showed me it was the right decision to leave. I did not want a man who is not able to love and to care. He asked me to be some kind of psychologist for him. I thought that he was mad and that is was some kind of pity play. Bye, bye, personal devil.

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    1. Anyone can fuck a body.

      HG fucks the mind, body, and soul simultaneously with the stamina of a god. It is not long before you are bow-legged and drunk on his numerous charms.

      Unable to realize at the time, that letting him inside your mind, between your legs, just that one time, was enough to ensure he remains balls deep inside every facet of your being for the rest of your natural life.

      And you wonder why I admire and praise him so.

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      1. No. Not for the rest of one’s natural life. He nor is any other narc, elite or otherwise, Life. Not god, even if the G in HG is for God. That narc got between my legs once, but I saw that he is satan. Not god. We can be rid of them. It all depends on how willing one is to kill them. When I made the choice to kill him, my intern life changed dramatically. Although I made some mistakes in that process and those are the only remaining ones I am trying to fix. He is dead to me. I chose in the end. And whatever is left, will be purged. I am not a lifer. Never.

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      2. The concise and rather provocative manner bred through your articulation of the process in which a narc manifests and doles out manipulation to its targets was fucking spot on.
        It’s funny how some of the most truthful yet harsh matters can be verbally relayed in such a way that they sound poetic..

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      1. Spunk Master 3000 here. Sounds like a 3AM infomercial for lonely singles. Not that I would know about such things.

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      2. ABB, after our chat yesterday, Mr. Tudor made me sign his bulletproof non-disclosure agreement. So I cannot kiss and swallow, I mean ‘tell’.

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  6. It was 10 years I knew the ex-MN before he ensnared me (knowing now that he had been preying on me all that time). Reading this made me feel like he could have written every word, until the end, when he became the coward and discarded me without a word.

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  7. The woman in this meme looks like she is thinking, “A little higher, sir”.

    **ok, ok, back to work. Practicing evil laugh**cough, cough**

    Regarding other action….
    He he Love! I hear “Beat it!” waft through the air…though I’m not sure why peeps are fighting. And, I love a good drama too. As long as I am on the side, watching. Shoot, don’t we all??? That IS how we got snared by past narcs. Right?

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    1. Lol Indy I brought my beef on over from another article and comment. I’m not one to start it, but I will finish it.
      And yes, I do miss that drama. 😉

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      1. As she throws down the mic. LOL
        ***bing-bing**
        I saw Jody Whatley as you were describing taking off those large hooped ear rings too! 😉

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  8. What a bunch of complete wankers all trying to sound more educated that the one before. The fact you respond to each other. Like a dog with a bone, its just hilarious. Such egos in play. If you truly had read all HG Tudors books you would have needed his advice. Possibly only HG will know what that is.

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