The Narcissistic Truths No. 198

preventative-3

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39 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths No. 198”

  1. Preventative Hoover? Is this like a Preventative Maintenance on your car? Making sure the appliance is in tip top shape for the next time you pull it off the shelf to toy with? Show some nostalgic golden period days so they don’t go walking out the door?

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      1. Yup. He always went about 5 days before he followed up after he had been awful. So confusing. And pretending nothing had happened, too.

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  2. In addition to not wanting us to leave, your kind also needs to quash any suggestion of us wanting to improve our lives in any way. A real red flag anytime I see it.

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  3. Cuz as KWS sings…Please don’t go…cuz I’m gonna miss your love the minute you walk out that door..I’m begging you to stay…

    Now I need ear bleach.

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      1. Hi AH OH. You might do the same if you listened to what I do. I like this song as well as others you have posted. The one issue I will never have again is needing someone. Guardup.

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      2. Unless it is hard core rap or progressive jazz, I will like it.
        I have never needed someone really, I wanted them, and if I can’t have them than I want them more only to toss them away. I am that person. And I am not a Narc. Just a girl with a Gypsie heart. I do not see myself with a life partner. I will never know what it is to commit to someone until death due us part.

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      3. AH OH, No Jazz for me. I can listen to RAP., even the heavy stuff. Some of it is poetry and other times it tells a story. It can get raunchy. When it becomes disrespectful, I tune out.

        I will also never see myself with a life partner. Even when I was a kid, I knew. I once popped out with “I’m never getting married.” It was at a wedding. It wasn’t said in a boys have cooties type way. The adults laughed and called me silly. I said it again at my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I asked what kind of gift one would receive for a 0 year wedding anniversary (horrible, I know). I was older and the adults still laughed. Some thingz you know.

        I think you are a remarkable woman with a world of experience.

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      4. 1j1 so do you want to get married? LOL
        It is allowed now.

        I married for children the 1st time and financial security the 2nd time. I loved them both but nothing is forever.

        I know people that NEED to be in a relationship. They need to be married. I do not liked to be legally owned by anyone. I do not see it happening again. And if I spent the last 1/3 of my life with a partner, as we grow old, I would to protect him with assets I would want him to have. BTW, I do not see this happening.

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      5. Lol, I like men , otherwise I’d consider it. I was just saying that I admire you. You have experienced so much, that’s all.

        People equate marriage with partnership. I equate marriage with ownership. I won’t be owned.

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      6. Hi Jaded,
        I perfectly understand yours and AH OHs’ views on marriage.
        Control and ownership have been and are a huge problem in my life.
        I’m fighting to get it!!!!
        I’m figuring out that I have been controlled in some form or another since I was married at 24 and then I went straight into my SUPER controlled Narc relationship.
        It makes me want to scream. Ugh!!!
        And now I’m trying to mend all the controlling problems in my marriage that were there before the affair and and it’s a disaster.
        I am so sick of crying.
        I do admire you and all of the other independent woman here.
        All of you inspire me.

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      7. Hi Snow!
        I am right there with you realizing I have to go back decades to mend so many patterns I’ve been oblivious to. I had a horrible day starting with a monster fight with my ex-husband over our different parenting styles. And he is the original Narc. It was so clear today. I lost most of the afternoon because I couldn’t breathe and was on the edge of a complete panic attack coming on.
        You’re not alone.

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      8. Hey Clarece,
        Awwww….Thanks for letting me know.
        We are experiencing the same thing at the same time. I have felt the stress from arguments with my husband and that’s what the results have been, on the verge panic attacks. I hate that feeling.
        I have had so much anger and meanness trying to come out of me lately.

        Sorry about your bad day. I know how that is. I keep thinking things are getting better and then BAM things go backwards. I do believe it’s because I am trying to be more assertive and am trying to not be a pushover like I was for most of my life. People aren’t liking it so much. Lol
        Sending you hugs❤️🍎❤️
        Hope tomorrow is better.

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      9. The hard part on fighting with spouse or ex-husband over the shared child is you are constantly waging that you are making the best decision for the welfare of your child, not just yourself. When you deeply care about the outcome for your child as well, it makes it almost impossible to not get emotional. Especially when Mother Lion comes out. You feel like you’re fighting for two people, not just yourself. I can try to stay calm and logical for myself, but if it involves my daughter, oh, I can’t stop from erupting if I feel provoked.
        Based on things I am learning here, I communicated completely different with my ex husband on Sunday and then again yesterday. I’m definitely am getting different reactions now that I can match with behavior that HG writes about.
        Thank you though. My day yesterday and today was much better. My best friend I work with, shut the office down and we went out for a 3 hour lunch. lol

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      10. besides we are part of the sister wives club for HG in his compound in Colorado City. I hope you can cook.

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      11. Hey Snow White. Some things can’t be unheard. The more accurate version in this case is…I’m gonna miss your fuel the minute you walk out that door. I hate typing that, but it is true.

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      12. True words Jaded.
        I wish I had some of that bleach so I wouldn’t have to hear my exes voice singing to me. Ugh!!!
        All about the fuel

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      1. Oy Vey.
        Im married to someone who likes to troll me. I didn’t realize I was ‘fueling’ the trolling by reacting to everything.
        One example I can give you of the difference between male and female narcs, there is an article on this site about ‘trapped in the car’ female narcs do act funny and raise their voice in the car but there are a lot of things on that list that they dont do.
        Other than that, about 80% similarity overall.

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      2. Brian, if you are married to a narc then being on this blog is a positive step. My ex is a narc. This blog, HG’s books, and HG’s answers to my questions helped me to understand my ex and act accordingly. I wish you the best of luck with your wife. Are you in love with her? Is she malign? I was in love with my ex until just recently. My feelings for him are waning. But i am borderline, so that can change anytime, lol!!

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      3. Yes , I love her but there comes a time when you cant let yourself be treated a certain way. Yes, quite malign, sometimes changes her behaviour when I point something out. Can’t tell the difference between token gestures and actual change,
        Nothing is ever admitted usually but then I see a change when I complain about something, but often the behaviour comes back.

        Josh, how are their end goals different?

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      4. Brian, she is malign yet you love her. It is a difficult situation to be in. Sending you warm wishes. Welcome to the blog. I believe you’re fairly new.

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  4. I wonder, my NARC , did not want sex since i withhold, no money from me. HE only focused on marriage engagement. Could commitment be a fuel for a Narc? What does it mean when a NARC gets angry ans says you act and think you are untouchable?

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  5. Hi HG – I know many that do this. What’s the difference between an empathic person doing this versus a narcissist? Everyone isn’t perfect, so they may neglect their partner then regret it, how do we tell that apart from a narcissist doing a preventative Hoover?

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    1. The difference is in the neglect. Someone normal might get caught up in other things and neglect their partner. Our kind will not just neglect you there will be other manipulations as well, sole neglect is not provocative enough.

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    1. It means you are trying to challenge my superiority but I am not going to let that happen, so now I am lashing out at you to bring you down and draw fuel from you.

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  6. Hi would like to know. what does it mean, when a narc goes straight from discard to smear campaign? No Hoover straight to smearing .he said he dumped me because I wore too revealing / slutty? Which is a lie? Any insights?

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