The Narcissistic Truths – No 231

THE LONGERIT LASTSTHE EASIERIT BECOMES

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102 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No 231”

  1. You hold all the keys in the center of the maze. We are running around trying to find a way in or a way out depending on your mood. It’s an elaborate game that gets easier for you to play the more you learn about us. You know which keys will unlock our pain or pleasure. We are dead giveaways. πŸ—πŸβ›½

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  2. Hi HG,
    Do you mean that the longer the abusive relationship with a narcissist is the easier it gets to manipulate and control the empath? I think it all depends on the kind of empath the narcissist entagles with. As of own experience as a Super Empath fighting back and gaining awareness for every year with him,,I can assure that it was not an easy task for my ex Greater…him trying to keep me until I escaped…I was not an easy match for him…I think that in the end he realized his big mistake of getting entangled with a Super Empath…

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      1. It also got easier for me to deal with my exnarc over time, I knew his rhythm and behavior, I could read the signs, and also adjust my reactions, I knew his weak spots. Oh how I wish I had known your information when I met him, that would have been so much fun.

        HG, do you think you got addicted to the abuse attempfts by your mother, does it do anything to your brain chemistry?
        My mother today on the phone: We will spend Easter Sunday together, will you come to me, or will I visit you? I think I will come visit you.
        *grrrrr*
        But it still gave me a dopamine kick, I think.
        Do you have to go to your mother’s at Easter?

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      2. Good for you. I expect her blood pressure to rise. Do you worry about her bad talking about you behind your back? You know she will, don’t you? Aka the smear.

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      3. There are more variables at play with this 1jaded1 which makes it more difficult to predict, but the pieces are falling into place.

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      4. One day before I met my exnarc, I called my mother from the airport to tell her that I wouldn’t be available for Easter, when my flight to Spain was announced and she could hear that, and I hadn’t told her that I was flying to Spain. ;D I think we need to grow up.

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      1. Oh I so hate this day. But it’s such a comfort that you have mother issues, too, HG. ;P

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      2. Because of the weather, the time change (summer time), and because of mother’s day because I have to pretend, and because it reminds me of the time I’ve waisted with my exnarc. And you?

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      3. Is it Mother’s Day there? Ours is in May. I used to dread them, too. But now my mother and mother-in-law r passed away. For years it would hurt me to get nothing from my four children or husband, but I found the solution for that years ago. I get myself something nice that I really want. Anything else I get is just gravy.

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      4. This almost made me stop breathing. I didn’t realize UK and US Mother’s Days were on different dates. Whew!!!! I’m not in trouble with my narcissist mother.

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  3. This thread made me laugh. πŸ˜€ I think that is a sign that my healing is progressing well. I would love to read more about your entanglements with a Super Empath. I am fairly certain I am one of those as well as most certainly codependent. I did the fighting back thing in spectacular fashion at times as a result. I ran into my exe’s lieutenant Wednesday night at the bar we used to hang out at and where I met the ex. It was the first time I dared step foot in there since I ended it 4 months ago. He engaged me and I verbally sawed him in half and went back to sit with my “date” a guy that I was with before the ex and who he hates with a white hot passion. It couldn’t have been more perfect if I had planned it that way. I needed to come here and remind myself to not get too cocky. Time to read your words of wisdom.

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  4. ** Question for the empaths. **
    Do you feel you’ve always been sensitive, anxious or had a bit of anxiety? Even before your relationships. Do you soak up others’ emotions?

    I promise this is relevant to narcissism Mr. Tudor. I’ve even written a poem about it:
    Narcissism is bad
    It makes others sad
    Which in turn makes the narc glad
    ❀

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    1. yes always have been sensitive to not only people, but my surroundings, and objects.
      Curious if any others are like this?

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      1. Thanks for asking Twilight. I’m having problems sleeping lately. Not sure why. Nothing has really happened. Normally I’m a deep sleeper but my system is out of wack with the new season.

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      2. I understand, have you tried other methods then your usual to relax?
        I am curious do you experience physical discomfort?

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      3. Yes, at night I felt like I was being choked and couldn’t breathe. But after a few sessions of yoga, it got better.

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      4. Yes, me too. I am sensitive to people’s vibes, land/past event vibes. I do not claim any special powers. I just am deeply effected by certain places more so than others and certain people. I grew up on native American land where there was a past Abenaki massacre by the Church and burials on my street. Used to have weird nightmares, “psychic experiences”, etc. My sister had this experience too. Her and I dreaming the same dream, for example. I know, it sounds crazy. I shake my head even sharing this as I am a woman of science mostly…with a hippy belief system/vibe. I know when I visited certain historic places of dark history(Nagasaki, Salem, Gettysburg), I felt drained of all joy and energy and felt sick. Being with a narcissist is a similar experience (I am not saying this jokingly).

        One of the biggest lessons I had to learn as a therapist was to create emotional partitions, compartments, so I would not absorb this from others. I spent a long time trying to learn this skill (started spiritually with a korean monk, then with an energy worker in Reiki, then cognitively as a therapist through visualizing boundaries). I still work on it. It is better than in the past, it has made me a better therapist and more even keel.

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      5. I fully understand, as a child I was told I was confused, silly and ridiculed. I stopped speaking for a second time in my life, then I was isolated.
        I have yet to become lost in the woods, it may happen one day, hasn’t yet. Places of traumatic events will stop me dead in my tracks, it can look comical to another with me when it happens due to I freeze up, I hold my breath and let it wash over me. If I don’t know the history I research to find out what has happened.
        What you say about dreams doesn’t sound crazy, I have always been afraid to speak of mine due to being labeled as crazy. Something’s remind me to much of what my family did to me when I would speak up. Lol my defense mechanism silence to a point, I don’t usually say much unless I feel it would be beneficial, then it can come out awful. To which I believe is due to my isolation and going silent when I was younger.
        I don’t see myself as special and I hate labels. To me we are all are unique and have a reason why we are how we are.
        Everything is in balance.

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      6. Hi Twilight,

        Yes, I can relate to what you are saying with regard to these energy experiences. As a child, they were confusing and a bit scary for me as well. Especially the shared dreaming experiences, dream themes, and at times about events that previously happened before my time. I still feel a bit strange talking about it. I feel like I was primed by living on land that had such a dark history. My home was also “haunted” for lack of a better term, I grew up in an 1880s home with lots of history.

        Well, now we are energy empaths and are less confused and more assured πŸ™‚

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      7. Hi Indy
        I believe my life has run the course and is preparing me for a reason.
        Many times I wanted to be free of this, I saw it as a curse for many years.
        Have you ever experienced images when touching an object or person?
        I called it something else yet it makes sense.
        Probably a good thing I chose light instead of dark, yet twilight is where I am most at home.
        Sorry wine is having its effect on me

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      8. Thank you Indy. I believe in science and logic too, yet I also feel there is something much greater and more powerful than we are able to fully understand and explain. πŸ’™

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      9. I know what Love meant, lol. So, HG, you do not buy into the “vibes”? (Its ok if you do not, I will not be offended in the least. I am still laughing at myself for catching “vibes”)

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      10. No Indy I do not. I have had a handful of people talk to me about the “vibes” etc. I refer to those people as Energy Empaths. I do not subscribe to the view myself but I recognise people do and if that is what they experience then that so be it.

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      11. Does that make me an energy empath? Hmmm, cool beans. I liken it to how we understand particle energy in physics…some people pick up on these particles more so than others….though, I need to see the science on it….hard thing to study when there is no control for placebo.

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      12. Oh Indy, I’m seeing a new therapist today and he does energy work! I’m so excited! I will keep you posted.

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      13. Yes, please do! Is he Reiki? My former supervisor was also a Reiki practitioner. πŸ™‚ Learning how to protect your energy is a big step. Creating boundaries for your emotions…this will help. Sometimes we take on their stuff and need to differentiate between the two or we can get hijacked by other’s emotions. I visualize white light around me to protect, but not block out from life…so a semi-permeable wall. I also do deep cleansing breaths when I walk into a room (crossing a threshold) to ground myself and get a feel for where I am at emotionally before I enter a group. Good grounding work is also a good start (you can do this through mindfulness work, using the 5 senses). Good at calming one self too. I have a “self soothe” kit of 5 senses that I use when very distressed.

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      14. Thank you Indy. I will give that a try. I am not sure if he does Reiki. His therapy involves mindfulness and meditation.

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      15. HG, have you written somewhere on the Energy Empath. And, does this empath overlap over with the other types (magnet, super, etc)…

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      16. OMG, I am going to be Indy the Marcher for ever…hahahahahhaha….are you poking at me using this title LOL

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      17. Hahaha…”Indy the Marcher” it is.
        Originally, I created Indy from Indi-Glow-Sky. My spirit (Energy Empath-lol) name.

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      18. I am not sure if I referred to myself as Indy the Marcher first or HG. Hahahhaha….I am cool, either way.

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      19. Haha! Ok, ok. I will take this nick name with pride from Tudor Tower or I may end up in Tudor Dungeon with the dragons and chains.

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      20. I thought so, though I was not sure if I signed of as such as I sign off sometimes with things like “Indy in the Sky with Diamonds”….I know, weird, but I like it. LOL

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    2. Love
      I also would answer yes to all your questions. I’ve always felt one reason I am uncomfortable around people is I pick up so strongly on their energies. I also can often feel energies of places. When I have lived in houses on land with really negative energy, I often had confusing nightmares about people I don’t know. Now I am fortunate to live in a place of peace and tranquility.

      And Indy
      I also chose my name here based on my spirit energy source – changing weather, esp. the wind. You seem to have studied Hindu philosophy. I am most fond of Tibetan Buddhism and Wiccan shamanism, which have surprising similarities.

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      1. Thank you Windstorm. This is very interesting. I love walking/driving past people’s homes and sensing the emotions that come from the houses.
        Mr. Tudor, you may need to write about these very powerful and mysterious empaths: energy empaths. βš‘β˜€β­

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    3. Indy
      Sorry not Hindu. Thinking of someone else. Reiki is Japanese, isn’t it? I’ll have to study up on that one. Isn’t that to do with channeling energy with the hands? Makes me think of Pentacostal Christians! They heal by the laying on of hands. It is interesting to study different religions/philosophies and see the many similarities.

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      1. Monopoly of Relationships. Indeed! We could have brass pieces. With dragons and princesses and “Go Straight to Tudor Dungeon”!

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      2. Ah ha! So glad you finally admit to this magical ever-changing invisible rule book that is applied to all facets of life. Including this blog. 😁
        You said it. Can’t take it back.

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      3. I have never denied that in the interactions between our kind and your kind that there is no rule book save for the one we create and keep changing to suit us because we make the rules, change the rules, bend and break them.
        That however does not apply to this blog which is governed by rules which I have repeatedly and consistently confirmed exist but cannot detail as they would affect the dynamic. They are always applied in this arena, in my communications with those that contact me and the consultations. That has to be the case for reasons of efficacy.
        Yet again you make the mistake of thinking you have succeeded when you have not. That is why you are hunted down by our kind.

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      4. Lol I don’t think I’ve succeeded in anything Tudor… Other than gaining a bit of peace in my life. Namaste ❀

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      5. Hello Indiglowsky( Indy The MarcherπŸ˜‰). I have to say that I like your comments here..I find them very enlightening and constructive. I suppose you have been entangled with a narcissist and that is the reason why you are participating on this blog..? Short about me: I have escaped my ex Greater – sociopath after 6 years of formal relationship as a IPPS ( i get all mixed up with all these abbreviations 😳) I have kept No Contact for 15 months now despite all his ” ingenious ” hoverings.
        As I understand you are a psychologist?
        So my question to you is: What do you think about HG’ s work on this site? I personally find it extremely helpful.. I would appreciate your comments and thank you in advance!

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      6. Hi Superxena,
        Thank you so much for your kind words! I am a counselor and a diagnostician (psychometrist), though not a doctorate in psychology.

        I am both experienced personally in dancing with narcissists in relationships as an intimate primary as well as professionally seen the after affects of the abuse. HG is rare in his level of insight and quite intelligent and doing a “good job” despite his natural inclinations that he mentions(and I do not doubt). I quite like him(he is a charmer and humorous!). I think his blog is very therapeutic for both himself and all of us. I also think it is immensely informative, beyond what is learned in graduate school in psych or counseling. Beyond the text books.

        Congrats on being no contact for 15 months!! that is a huge achievement!! Not an easy thing to do, particularly with a Greater! I broke up with my most recent ex-narcissist in July of last year and kept no-contact except one time I called him back to reiterate it was over and told him to stop with his obsessive hovering. He hovered again a couple of times after though has been very quiet since Christmas.

        It takes a lot of strength to stand up for yourself and set those boundaries. You go girl!!
        Indy

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      7. Impish? I am 6ft 1″ tall. I am going to find some child’s colouring book, snatch it from them and colour it in OVER THE LINES I am so enraged!

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      8. Impish does not imply short, it implies devilish!!!! Hahahaha….Crayola is retiring a color this year: Dandelion Yellow. We will have to replace it with Rageful Tudor Red.

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      9. Hello Indy!
        Thank you for your answer and your supportive words. Yes..it has really been quite a journey with my ex Greater and lots of work and training with myself to resist ” ingenious” hoverings. HG calls them ” low energy hoovers”πŸ˜€
        Thank you for your comments about HG’ s work. I do like HG and his work as well. Although I am well aware of his “dark ” side. I have no knowledge whatsover on any field of psychology but I agree completely with you about his high level of insight and intelligence. I have found his work here and his ” couching” very valuable to gain more awareness about myself…I have realised that I am some kind of ” hybrid” ( somatic/cerebral😳) but in the Superempath model..If that group exists..
        I just wish that more blogers could be more objective and seize the knowledge that is given here..and apply it more to them to avoid staying entangled or being entangled again with a Narcissit.
        I like your description of ” dancing” with the narcissists..I describe my relationship with my ex Greater just like that…a danceπŸ˜€
        Trying to catch up with this blog…”see” you around here!!!

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  5. I think I’m one as well, my narc just barely started devaluation before discard immediately because I gave him no fuel… everytime he made me uncomfortable I left him standing at his house alone (with his slave daughter) he even stated on a text once how it was hard having a relationship with me when I kept running…. well I don’t take too much shit even when I did care. I am independent unlike his ex wives who were codependents….I think he totally gave up because I wouldn’t move in or let him totally control me…thank God! And it will be impossible to hover me as I moved and found another jobπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ guess his ex who commited herself will have to doπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£ oh and his sad now 18yo daughter that sat at his beck and call even when he treated her like a fucking dog! Honestly he treated his dog better….I think he may have lost his game after the exwife took his money and ran🀣🀣🀣

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