I Want

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What goes through the mind of the Greater Narcissist when he has decided that he must unleash his malice against some transgressor, some traitor, some disloyal appliance which has affronted him in some way? What does he want when the harsh and cruel machinations are about to be deployed against his or her victim? What are his thoughts as he bears down on the one who now represents everything that he despises? Whether they have escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the nation-state of narcissism, the Greater Narcissist’s dark mind goes into overdrive. This is a glimpse inside to understand what he wants.

I want you to know that only I know. I want you to know that your wounds are self-inflicted. I want you to feel the ice coldness of your bed at midnight. I want you to hear my voice everywhere that you go. I want a controlling interest in you.  I want my face to appear even when you close your eyes.

I want you to walk in heavy chains each and every day. I want you to touch the scar so you remember me. I want you to always understand how hungry I am for your fuel. I want you to always feel my baleful gaze on you. I want you to glance my reflection in the window and feel that knot of fear in your stomach. I want you to feel my hand on your shoulder even though there is nobody there.

I want you to scream and realise that nobody is coming. I want your world to implode. I want to know how much you hate me. I want to know how much you love me. I want you to know only that which I want you to know. I want you to learn the cost of loving me. I want you to know that my malevolence is just a way to win.

I want you to see me broadcast your secrets far and wide. I want you to understand that the sweetest condition is to be with me. I want you to be knocked to the ground by my thunder. I want you to be shackled to me by the sound of my voice. I want you to realise that compassion is over-rated. I want you to come begging for me to stop.

I want you to know that evil can be so handsome, I want you to feel what it is like to have the grasping hands come from nowhere in order to pull you apart. I want you to watch the light disappear.

I want you try and lift you head, but all I shall see is you exposing your neck I want your world to implode. I want to see you isolated. I want to see the hope in your eyes so I can extinguish it. I want you alive because then there always remains future possibilities. I want you to run but then realise that you cannot.

I want you to now know the true meaning of hurt. I want you to grasp what you have done to me. I want you to experience betrayal. I want you to feel the earth giving way beneath your feet. I want everything you once knew to mean nothing anymore.

I want you dazed. I want you confused. I want you not knowing left from right. I want you stumbling in my footsteps. I want you blundering in the fog that I breathe around you. I want you calling for help and hearing just an echo.

I want you to understand that dreams can be crushed. I want you to never know the truth. I want you to be buried alive by my lies. I want the heavy, dead weight of your guilt to pin you down.

I want you to confront me and fail to understand how you are just giving me what I need. I want to watch your defences crumble. I want you to find that everything is black or white. I want everything to taste like ash to you. I want you to understand what it feels like to be controlled by another. I want you to pray for salvation from me. I want you to seek salvation at my hand.

I want you to hide just so I can come and find you. I want you to try and wipe away the smears and to watch the panic as you find nothing is removing them. I want to see you swallow your own lies about me. I want to hear your terror down the phone line. I want you to shout for me to just make it stop. I want you to give me what belongs to me.

I want you to understand that the darkness is everywhere. I want you to pay the price for your treachery. I want you to find what you once had and give it to me again, for one last time. I want to see that smile vanish when you know it was me. I want your day to begin with me and end with me.

I want the clouds to cover your moon. I want the steady drum of rain drops to mask my approach until I suddenly appear besides you. I want to know where you are, all of the time. I want your dreams to dissipate and for me to rule your nightmares. I want your thoughts to be about me and me alone.

I want you to understand I will not stop. I want you to realise I am unstoppable.

I want to watch you lose control.

I want you to lose.

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157 thoughts on “I Want”

  1. But you know that what you want and what you do are two different things? All angry little boys think like you; but in fact they are little boys. Wouldn’t it be simpler to shout ‘mummy’ instead of all this nonsense?

  2. HG Tudor can you tell me if this ever stops? I left him & the hell is only deepening even though he has a new source he still does all of this as well as smearing & projecting on me. I am no contact other then through lawyers. I do not even discuss our child with him. When does it stop? When does it end?

    1. As far as we are concerned it only stops when you die or we die, however there is a lot you can do to reduce the risk and the clearest one is putting in place a robust no contact. Often people think they have put in no contact but they have not and/or they are doing certain things which leaves them open to being hoovered more readily. I can certainly provide you with all of the detail you need to reduce you exposure to the minimum and I would recommend you contact me for the purposes of a consultation.

  3. I believe that what you do is genius. Your writing is amazing. I don’t believe anyone (doctor or another of your kind) can challenge what you have accomplished on this site. Those who have never experienced your kind would never believe that anyone could be capable of feeling what you have wrote. Those of us who have had experiences with your kind know this dark side. It is chilling to read but also a relief. It’s like I can breath easier because I know I’m not crazy, and that I am not making these things that he does up in my mind. I feel empowered by your writing. It gives me strength. Helping people in this kind of relationship may not have been what you set out to do when you started but I believe the weapon that you inadvertently created for us victims is bigger than your original intentions. Thank you.

      1. Very well written Mercy.
        HG good morning, can you share with us how you obtained your Fuel yesterday?

      2. Can you give me a better idea than that. I know that 😂
        To help an empath (the type of which you have still not informed me) to understand a day of the narc.
        Please.

      3. HG I want to know from you directly yesterday please. I have read your book. What did your appliances do for fuel? And what was your manipulations?
        I am so learning new words from you, keep referring to the dictionary you swallowed. I look forward to my reply.
        Again thanks.

  4. Excellent article

    Sounds like it’s coming from a person who is in a lot of pain and turmoil.
    A lot of projection.
    This is the saddest to me:
    “I want to know how much you hate me. I want to know how much you love me.”

  5. I recall observing matrinarc as a riddler however behind this her life decisions were based on her parents’ approval and their past treatment of her. She was always playing little girl trying for attention from cold mummy and pompous paedophile daddy. I would have been 7 years old say, and I said “your parents can’t see you the way you want them to”, to her. I recall her looking crestfallen and silent and then depressed.
    I said “don’t worry, it is because they are not lovely like you and they don’t understand.”
    But she seemed to have had a shock from what I said. Like her investment and decisions were suddenly wasteful.
    I wonder if it was an act? Or did I pierce denial?
    She is definitely greater/sociopathic.

      1. So be it but all that matters is you get what you want. Now HG who does that remind you of ?

      2. Maybe you are missing HG’s point…
        If his wants aren’t “given” then they will be “taken”. Correct?

        Just like the Honey Badger….honey badger don’t care…”I takes what I wants”

      3. I know this is not in the right place but can you answer this please:
        When a narc has sex what do they actually feel?

      1. Well that is lovely to hear. Thought you were being polite so another person buYong one of your books. You know what I mean?

      2. Reason to, as in double standards? Losing control of the target? Being rude to you? Stealing your money? Sitting in your chair? Taking control of the tv remote? Saying NO to you? Poaching your friends? Declining you sex? Is that a big fat yes?

      3. Indeed it is, full marks. Now remove the sex part, which does this remind you of?

  6. “I want you to know that evil can be so handsome” …. And so smart!!

    That was so puzzling to me being discarded with a word salad that spread over 2 days! How could he be so smart (had a fascinating job) yet so immature?
    I “understand” but still can’t reconcile this. 😣 Your Toxic Logic is a bitch.

  7. This is one of my favorites. It is very passionate, even though its dark. I believe Marvin Gaye sang the empathic version of this:
    I want you, the right way
    I want you
    But I want you to want me, too
    I want you to want me baby
    Just like I want you
    Oh, I’ll give you all the love
    I want in return, sweet darling
    But half the love is all I feel
    Ooh, it’s too bad it’s just too sad
    You don’t want me now
    But I’m gonna change your mind
    Someway, somehow, aw baby
    I want you, the right way
    I want you
    But I want you to want me, too
    I want you to want me baby
    Just like I want you
    One way love is just a fantasy, oh sugar!
    To share is precious, pure and fair
    Don’t play with something
    You should cherish for life, oh baby

  8. I’ve survived all that and did not lose. And will NOT lose. Ironically, thanks to you 😈, my favorite narc. 😇

  9. I’m always captivated until I see the comments and immediately my respect for you evaporates. You can’t run a tight ship, hg.

    1. Good morning CC, I don’t understand how other people’s comments make you loose respect of HG. Can you explain?

      1. I suspect he/she needs to stay lost in the moment of the evil nature of the jekyll/hyde, and not see that mr. Tudor is in fact multi faceted and in control of his affliction, not the other way around, which is quite unusual. I’m not sure. But this as an essay alone is quite beautiful and breathtaking in its cruelty and describes perfectly the cold master in his type. The fact that he will then turn on himself and drag the evil part of him into the light, and say “look at this, just look at it” (ed bassmaster reference lol) might make someone disenchanted who was looking for a simple minded, single-instrument “villain”. 😉

  10. “Is evil something you are? Or is it something you do?
    My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape.” – from American Psycho

  11. You want all this when your fear of loss of control and an impending rejection is near. All paths lead back to your core wound of abandonment.

    1. It can be genetic though. They’re not always abandoned or wounded. Just warriors… for the wrong side. 😊

  12. HG, do you think giving this to a victim that is over one year into the relationship / living with the narc for over 6 months can relate to this? Can it serve as a warning to her about the fate that awaits her? Not only did she move in with the narc she also opened her business up right next to his? He has 24/7 control over her. 😥

    1. It depends on the type of narcissist she is with, but its visceral nature ought to jolt her into some kind of reaction on which you can then build if you are seeking to warn her.

  13. I want you to know that heaven’s pulchritude softly sweeps away the darkness while her blue skies gently draw out the sadness and fatigue.
    Under her brilliant sun, clouds cloaked in sapphire waltz by in a diaphanous dance of ethereal beauty. With cosmic celerity, wisps of cirri reached out and skillfully elicited the demons that dwelled inside my memories. The release was immediate. The fog receded and the abyss was gone. The feeling is pacific and the light chased away the darkness. I want you to understand that the light is everywhere.

      1. Love and Amber
        Thank you both so much! When I was in the library this past winter and spring, sometimes I would sit by the north facing windows and look out at the blue sky and pray for the light. That post that you read was one of my prayers.

  14. “I wants never gets”..
    as the saying goes.

    Honestly… what a carry on.
    As for darkness everywhere…No.

    No.

    1. Irritating…
      ..observing all this “wanting” bad things to happen.
      Unleashing malice all over.

      There is plenty to unleash in return.

      Supernova?
      More than.

      1. WNAAD !
        Black flag ?
        Red flags?
        Today it is the purple flag.
        Fly it and start outmanoeuvring abusers.

      2. Debbie, it would be irritating unless you’ve seen it so many times that eventually you just have to laugh. Lol … it’s like when i worked at a day care and played checkers with the younger kids and they would always “cheat” (not from negative intentions, necessarily). I can’t make someone play the game rationally or fairly, right? And i can choose to go insane by watching them make all the wrong moves and try to win, doing things i know aren’t fair… OR i can detach and just choose to laugh at them and life and move on. If you can eventually detach to the point you find their nature funny, you won’t be as hurt by their decisions. In fact you’ll see a pattern that has nothing to do with you to such a great extent that you’ll be freed from any prison of having to make the relationship “right” again. It’s great! 😁

  15. Such a charmer!

    Will you post on the supernatural – for want of a different word – link with (presumably just the Greater) Ns HG?

    Do you agree there is one? All the uncanny and coincidental events apart, my ex could bring such a change in the *feel* of environment it was almost tangible. Hard to describe but instances include cuddling in bed at night, my head on his chest, and there literally being a feeling of Nothing eminating from him. Just empty…a void. Presumably he hated my contact with his body so much he could switch this effect on to make me move away? That’s essentially what it made me do.
    After watching a thriller or unsettling film on several occasions the vibe in our home changed…. like a cold deadness descended….it was unnerving….i had to get up and check windows and doors were locked and the children were all safe and well and that there was nothing under the bed.

    Something was telling me something is very wrong here but I didn’t know what.

    After he left, there was no anxiety in the house at all. Two of our children had previously disturbed sleep habits (night terrors etc) and they ceased immediately when he left.

    I know anxiety can be palpable but it’s more the ‘aura’ he could bring on that I find interesting. Or was it my gut feeling that was setting off my inner alarms but just didn’t realise at the time?

    1. I am not a believer in the supernatural, I am too mechanical for that, but I read repeated recollections from others who consider that there is such a thing. I will however write about the reaction of a lady called Stephanie to my presence and you can make of that what you will.

      1. I’m looking forward to that too.
        I believe my reaction to my narcs presence is due to the memories of being harassed for doing nothing.
        Also the way narcs are pleasant and friendly to everyone else, but act like a piece of dirt just walked in the room to us is also unsettling.
        So I think its pavlovian.

      2. Me, too.
        And Brian, I agree. I got anxiety attacks with my exnarc in the same room.

  16. Your writing as always is exquisite. I just want to thank you for helping me, us, try to wrestle with the destruction this type leaves in their wake. (I confess that i still am confused and find it bizarre how highly functioning you are as a sociopath, but as you know, i don’t judge. Lol) i guess now that I’m 40, i still cry like a baby at times, but i can’t take sociopathy too seriously anymore because my light inside is just as powerful as their desire to destroy, and i have the ability to get back on track. That’s what abuse is, on many levels, is trying to dissuade a girl with light in her, to leave her path behind and get her off track so she can’t help anyone… herself, her children, her pets, her neighbors and family and friends, the world. If she’s a writer, she won’t want to pursue the field. It’s funny. It’s a concentrated effort to extinguish the light. But just like the trick candles on a birthday cake, many of us are going to bounce back a few minutes later with, haha! Didn’t catch me! Lol 😁 I’m still bubbly and im on fire. And we will march our happy *** right out of there. That which has been spiritually and emotionally destroyed can be recreated again by our very selves. We can regenerate because we are creators of life, the entry point from the spirit world to this one. That doesn’t just mean infants, but authoring our own new destiny, at every minute of every hour of every day. Nothing any destroyer can do is ever permanent because at the immediate impact of the destruction, life begins anew and repairs and regenerates itself from the inside out. I guess what I’m saying is that the type of personality that wants to destroy is, of course, pathological, and i don’t judge or blame it as the mindset cannot help itself… we must just be “weaponized”… but they may also choose to be aware that its not only a losing battle, but also waste of energy. I know they cannot choose what feels good, as their paraphilia is sadism, and im obviously oversimplifying here, but they could maybe see that of all the activities they engage in, destruction is just silly. The light cannot be destroyed. I was destroyed by a greater narc, but i mean that i will regenerate. I realized that from reading this essay. We will always come back. Mean people are kind of cute. “Rawr rawr rawr… im gonna get ya!” Lol

      1. You’re welcome. Thank you so much for changing my life. Blessings. 💜

  17. It no longer matters what YOU want. My knowledge is my power. Your negativity can never trump my positivity, honesty, and ability to see my part. No Contact. Period.

  18. HG, I always thought the narc ceased all thought of us completely. Is it different when they have suffered injury or someone has escaped as opposed to a discard? “I Want” sounds like the narc gets as obsessive as the empath does.

    1. You are effectively deleted when we dis-engage and have a new shiny toy to play with. If however you interfere in that cosy,new golden period or you have escaped us and you will not succumb to our control again then this is the way my mind works.

  19. I foiled a Greater by not reacting to something hideous, (but not life-threatening) that he did to me. I’m done with him save for the fact that I want to remove a positive review for his business I posted online. I wrote the review at his request. Now that I know what an asshole he is I’ve been asking myself why am I channeling business his way indefinitely via the good review? My question to you, HG, is would he do a malign hoover ( or worse) if he checked the site one day and noticed my review was no longer there? I believe he has discarded me as I him but after reading your post I’m wondering if I should just let the review stay and forget about it.

    1. If the review was removed, this would amount to a Hoover Trigger. He would be wounded by its removal and would want to lash out at you by way of a align hoover. If he knows a way of contacting you and since he is a Greater then it is extremely likely you will receive a malign hoover. You may therefore decide the better course is to leave the review where it is and move forward rather than have him open up a front against you, especially since you have escaped (?) and you are moving forward.

      1. Thank you. This was my gut instinct, that removing the review would ultimately not give me the peace of mind I crave and you have confirmed it. I have to pray that karma will catch up to him. I meanwhile will maintain no contact and pat myself on the back for not giving him the screaming match he was counting on and believe me it pissed him off because he tried about five other ways to start a fight during our evening and even online after the evening. I credit your insights for showing me the proper way to deal with this a-hole.

  20. This is one of the many articles I have printed..but the one I have handy enough to read. The one that in a very cold and harsh way takes me back to reality ( like a slap in my face) whenever I have the slightest,tiny thought of him..The one that tells me who he really was, how it really was..what it really was…and it makes me shiver every time I read it..and it makes me say: never again…

  21. HG,
    Questions…are these yearnings of yours exclusive to the IPS & ISS? Or all of your respective fuel sources? How does “your wants” correlate with “your needs”? And, how does it make you feel, should you fail in your attempt at obtaining one or the other?

    1. I mean this as pertaining to the original specific attempt, not the subsequent shifting of techniques as a result of the original failure to get the desired want.
      (sorry, don’t mean to be confusing)😜

    2. This level of malevolence would be aimed at the IPPS and IPSSs, perhaps a NISS if there has been major wounding/exposure.

      We regard want and need as interchangeable.

      What does fail mean?

      1. HG

        I thought IPSS enjoyed long golden periods and mostly didnt fall prey to malevolence… have i lost the plot?

      2. They do but if you do something such as major wounding or exposure then an IPSS will receive the malevolence.

  22. I thought most people had thoughts along similar lines, which remained mostly unspoken. Or maybe not… 🙁

  23. I’ve just showed the vicar, and he said they’re not acceptable wedding vows. Apparently, they breech the policies at the C of E. He said by all means you can see him in the confession booth.

  24. “I want you to be buried alive by my lies” …..Please tell me HG, have you ever admitted to the lies? And which school/ cadre….WOULD NEVER ADMIT to the lies?

    1. I have although it is not a common act.

      The Lesser and Mid-Ranger will not admit to lying because they do not see that they do so.

      1. HG! You should write an article about when you admitted to lying. To show the contrast of when you owned up to something vs. fake apologies and word salad to get someone from leaving.

      2. Well, did you admittance to lying having something to do with the legal issues that developed prompting your family to get you into therapy? You were backed in a corner?

      3. I find it difficult to comprehend the extent of all the manipulations, both calculated and casual, the depth of thought necessary to inflict abuse and cover the fraud and deceit, yet the inability to not know the elaborate and miniscule LIES, and especially when caught “with blood on the hands” and still maintain innocence. ” I have never lied to you”. is the biggest lie. I just can’t shake the million lies. That has crippled my progress, and obviously any such closure and healing, despite the vast amount of knowledge I’ve attained, it is the lies that kill me day by day. Do you see my thought process?

      4. With that response… still you maintain that they are unaware that they are liars, I believe he is the mid-ranger as my abuse was not physical, but I feel it was worse to not have that black eye to validate the abuse.

      5. Little big secret told to me by the narc reluctantly when I was distressed about someone treating me bad but no proof. He told me to record it discretely on my phone. There you go straight from the narcs mouth=bloody idiot! He knows my phone has some great things now. X

      6. SYD,
        Yes, it is extremely difficult to accept that they lack a “normal” conscious. Contrary to what you have most likely been taught(falsely) to believe that most people are good natured(as I was) Evil hearted people exist and are real. Took me along time to come to terms with this…I basically had to re-program my thought process. And still working on it…you will progress when you are able to accept it…

        HG’s articles and writings have had a significant impact on helping me in this area(Ty HG) keep reading😉

      7. Wow…
        Johnny on the spot today, huh?
        Shouldn’t you be rehearsing for your interview?
        BTW…do you have a game plan? Are you only going to answer and elaborate on questioned asked? Do you think you might get off on tangents? Seems a difficult task for you to contain all that superior knowledge to 70mins…
        But then again, I must remind myself of your superior discipline and structure…and of course your politeness and consideration.. Lol.

        In addition, are you concerned about being mistaken for a common narcissist sterotype? Or will you purposely exploit the fact you are different and superior to most? I’m going to assume you will just be the “natural you” and let the “experts” judge for themselves. There’s no other conclusion they could possibly ascertain, right? Lol.

      8. I certainly am. I set aside a day to catch up on blog comments and have made significant inroads. Johnny On The Spot is such a good phrase.

        Why do I need to rehearse? I am talking about myself.

        I won’t go off on tangents, the topic is clear and that is what I will be sticking to. There is a lot to convey and I doubt it will all be conveyed in the time available.

        Nobody listens to me and thinks I am a narcissist stereotype. I am HG Tudor.

      9. Thank you lansealan, there is much to grasp and there are circumstances…he carried my husband to his grave. I just can’t believe this is reality. How does one do this to his best friends widow? Beyond evil.

      10. Hello HG! Interesting to read that you have admitted that you lied . Did it happen just once? Why did you decide to admit it ?What consequences did it have for you admitting it? And what concequences for others?

      11. i have done it several times. I did it because I knew the reaction would provide me fuel and it would amuse me to make the admission. There were no consequences for me.

      12. No, some of it remains instinctive with me, but i have exerted more and more control over my instinctive responses so more has become calculated. For instance, there are times when a comment on the blog causes an instinctive response from me. Once that would have meant writing a response which would have lashed out after I had knocked items from my desk. Now I have learned to grapple with the fury and hold it and either direct it elsewhere or draw fuel elsewhere to keep it under control and then I respond. In the same way you victims have to train yourselves to overcome your emotional thinking so you do not make bad decisions and fall prey to our kind again, I also have to fight the fury (which in turn results in emotional thinking) and I have become progressively more and more effective ta doing so and thus my decisions are calculated more than before. I would add that I am still prone to a frenzy every so often.

      13. Thank you for your extensive answer HG. I find it very interesting! I have some questions:

        1. Where do you direct the fury now? Does that mean that you have to extract positive/negative fuel from the ones around you?
        2. You mention something VERY INTERESTING: how the way you fight the fury now turns to EMOTIONAL THINKING? What is for you EMOTIONAL THINKING?
        3. Do you mean the empaths have to train to achieve a different mind set? By going from the emotional to the rational,rejecting memories of the false golden period ,accepting a new reality?

      14. 1. Correct,
        2. Emotional thinking is that which arises from an emotional response (in my case fury) as opposed to rationale, cool, hard logic.
        3. Correct.

      15. So how is it in those blinding moments of fury, that you somehow maintain control to not become violent or physically abusive? If you truly don’t care about the pain inflicted on another because people are objects and morality doesn’t play into it, what creates the threshold for you not to cross? Simply the fact to not jeopardize legal trouble for yourself or possibility of the construct being tarnished?
        If that is the only reason, one could never trust that they couldn’t push you to your limits.

      16. I understand. Anything gives at that point. Thank you for answering.

      17. Is your physical aggression directed then to those near you? Regardless who ? Can you control it more effectively now ?

      18. The physical aggression has to be directed at someone near me, that goes without saying as I have to be physically proximate to them. I can control my fury a lot of the time, but not all the time.

      19. Of course they have to be proximate to…what I meant by “near”was by instance if your IPPS or someone of your inner circle happens to be proximate to you..do you direct your physical aggression to them???

      20. I hope none of my comments have ignited your rage. You’ve helped me out a great deal actually. I think I have avoided about 40 traumatising arguments thanks to you.
        When I get some money I plan on buying your products.

      21. I would like to see this frenzy of yours. I imagine it is quite breathtaking, like a tsunami wave.

      22. It is a sight to behold. You will not want to be on the receiving end.

      23. I am sure… But like telling a child not to stick their hand in fire, your statement arouses my curiosity even more. Now I want to experience it by throwing myself into the inferno.

      24. Do all of your IPPS’s see this at some point, or is it a state that you even want to avoid at all costs if possible?

      25. Not necessarily. It is only to be avoided if it would damage the facade too greatly.

    2. Hg youve actually had blog comments in the past that have made you knock items off your desk? Wow i wouldve never thought this.
      That point about emotional reacting we can actually take from a narc whose able to control this as a tool we can use. Narcs lash out out of fury we lash out of being hurt over something.
      I have a fav quote ill post later that more or less points out to do actions from a nonemotional stance. If you can make decisions and actions apart from emotions usually the outcomes more positive. Ive really struggled with this.

      1. Indeed I have. There have been times where I have wanted to drive my fist through the screen of my iMac. But then I would rather drive it into someone’s face instead and not damage the sleek black and silver beauty of my desktop.

      2. I was very intrigued by your answer like Narc Affair. I’ve picked up on occasion when you have been clearly irritated with a few commentators, but not actual fury behind your answers. Well done on the controlled responses.

      3. Oh no… I am sorry in case I have ever ignited it. I often write in the middle of a painful flashback, so, my anger is really anger at the world, and at my narc, not you.

        I thought that nothing we say would affect you in any way…

      4. You have not done so.

        Inaccuracy about me and outright idiocy (which have made appearances on the blog from time to time) are what ignite me. The jabs form others are just fuel.

  25. That’s what it was then….what he wanted, from me, since the beginning of this year.
    You know…if I had read this two months ago I would have been annihilated but all I felt now reading this….is compassion.
    He doesn’t control me, not anymore.
    I don’t say this without a slight fear, I know I am just reading an article of yours and I know the difference from this and having him in front of me.
    I feel safe here, hiding, but still, I feel safe while a few months ago there was no safe place, anywhere.
    I know what each and every word you said feels on my skin, my brain, soul and heart.
    I am fascinated by you, just like all the other women here but I don’t want to see you, don’t want to meet you, don’t want to know you, don’t want to tell you who I am, don’t want to come near you or write you private emails, I’m scared, because I know.
    The first comments I was writing here…my hands were shaking…and so was the rest of me. I am relaxed now, sort of….I learned where my comfort lies, how far I want to go with my words. I trust you here, in this site, for this purpose and nothing else.

      1. No, I dated an Italian and he would speak to me in Italian, so I was able to learn from him. The language and the culture is beautiful.

      2. Indeed….was he a narc or just a passionate italian stallion? 😋

      3. You guys are too funny…
        I’m sitting here trying to figure out how this knowledge of the hung ex horse is going to help me heal?😕
        Lol.😎

    1. That is fabulous to hear even though I do not personally know you. Another empath who burst those chains. Have a happy life and never let anyone dull your sparkle.

    2. I Want You to know 2 fun facts:

      1. I sleep like a baby now that I’m no longer conditioned to expect your texts in the middle of the night.

      2. About your Devil Toolkit… you left some Silent Treatments and No Contact behind. Silly me! Of course you know I’ve found your STs!

      NC, on the other hand, requires some heavier lifting. I googled and found its manual on narcsite.com. You’d think this guy, Tudor, is the Inventor, it’s so well detailed.

      I tried it after your malign hoover and it worked! But then, you benign hoovered, showed me glimpses of the Golden Period as you held the mirror high up in the sun’s reflection and, ah, I was blinded and broke NC.

      Guess what else I found on Tudor’s site? Sunglasses with special Narc tinted lenses. He says it won’t matter what you mirror, they’re narc proof.

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