Ex Machina




I wake. I sigh. I wait. I see. I smile. I rise. I look. I notice. I awaken. I observe. I pause. I brush. I spit. I view. I hear. I glance. I surge. I type. I halt. I listen. I note. I grin. I step. I stand. I lather. I rinse. I wipe. I turn. I move. I check. I nod. I collect. I foam. I shave. I clear. I admire. I piss. I flush. I smear. I moisturise. I turn. I catch. I dry. I spray. I dress. I adore. I answer. I speak. I understand. I climb. I descend. I eat. I compliment. I accept. I plan. I consider. I formulate. I read. I zone. I screen. I drink. I kiss. I extract. I gather. I accumulate. I garner. I stockpile. I brush. I check. I rise. I exit. I call. I tease. I plot. I move. I drive. I sing. I cruise. I forge. I advance. I frustrate. I lie. I speed. I overtake. I gesticulate. I rage. I growl. I glower. I overcome. I bristle. I prowl. I dictate. I oversee. I lead. I achieve. I pioneer. I evaluate. I target. I flirt. I chastise. I laugh. I frown. I complete. I direct. I orchestrate. I demand. I secure. I fabricate. I succeed. I triumph. I challenge. I inspire. I decide. I action. I activate. I consume. I quench. I envy. I roar. I rage. I burn. I slash. I throttle. I lash. I denigrate. I belittle. I strike. I wound. I attack. I conquer. I despise. I hate. I overrun. I dominate. I sign. I shake. I clench. I maintain. I read. I assimilate. I conduct. I move. I touch. I preserve. I continue. I subjugate. I exceed. I impress. I frighten. I illuminate. I shine. I blaze. I buy. I offer. I grace. I favour. I entertain. I joke. I outrank. I outflank. I identify. I attract. I bind. I deceive. I con. I dedicate. I pretend. I know. I understand. I grasp. I press. I pull. I remove. I shadow. I lure. I beckon. I bestow. I receive. I evade. I deny. I deflect. I swing. I duck. I blacken. I obscure. I hide. I take. I grab. I have. I remove. I strip. I push. I enter. I thrust. I delight. I lick. I bite. I tug. I caress. I probe. I stroke. I entrance. I hypnotise. I mesmerise. I float. I soar. I smooth. I sooth. I confuse. I defraud. I steal. I distract. I depart. I ignore. I sneer. I calculate. I follow. I invigilate. I guard. I misinform. I perjure. I mislead. I falsify. I construct. I destroy. I tell. I withhold. I reduce. I erode. I cloud. I arrive. I amass. I harbour. I harvest. I pluck. I suck. I drain. I acquire. I takeover. I obliterate. I annihilate. I beat. I overcome. I assure. I ignite. I manipulate. I control. I assuage. I decide. I conclude. I reflect. I dismiss. I ascertain. I point. I click. I review. I tap. I send. I spin. I trap. I block. I unblock. I do. I don’t. I will. I won’t. I can. I cannot. I should. I shouldn’t. I would. I wouldn’t. I did. I didn’t. I oppose. I combine. I bewilder. I daze. I encircle. I defend. I swoop. I revel. I increase. I fume. I snarl. I infuriate. I retaliate. I provoke. I win. I switch. I lower. I triumph. I outsmart. I outreach. I succeed. I delight. I accomplish. I remember. I twist. I turn. I grimace. I scratch. I scrape. I whisper.

I close.

I sleep.

I wake.

I am.

I repeat.


63 thoughts on “Ex Machina”

  1. Hello HG!
    How do you deal with unexpected events that “break up “your mechanised routines?
    Do you ever “perform’ spontaneously or without preparation?

      1. What happens when you realise that acting spontaneusly and without planing brings a “cost” for you.Does that ignite your fury? Or how do you deal with it( the cost it brings to you)

      2. One would only recognise that after the event and by then it is done.
        It depends on the nature of the cost.

  2. So there truly is no concern ever for the effect of your actions?

    Is it all about the reaction no matter what the cost?

    1. I do what I want, so there is no concern.

      It is all about the fuel. The cost is borne by others, not I.

      1. “I do what I want”
        Dp not take this as an insult on how I perceive this statement. I chuckle because it is words from an unruly child. I know. But I added the stomp of my foot and the crossing of arms.

  3. This is a wicked post! Always on the prowl for fuel, like a shark. I wish I discovered you in 2015, “The Year of The Gaslighting”, then I could have removed myself from the chum bucket sooner.

  4. Dear Mr Tudor,
    The narcissist I know was ex military… clockwork personified! When I would visit for coffee, he would vacate to the bathroom, minimum 4 times! I now summise, he was texting other supplies!
    If his schedule was rattled, he went into a tailspin.
    Regimented as ever!
    Annnnnnd repeat!
    Funny as a fart in a pickle bottle, looking back!
    Amusingly, Thankyou

    1. Hello Love!
      I would put the letters “wo” in front of the word man.

      This is beyond madness as HG drives his IPPS to madness.

      Sometimes when I read his work, I sit back and SMH and think of how insane life would be with a person like this. I would look at him and know his mind is working in ways that I really can’t comprehend. I think I understand and then I go into full tilt trying to see the world through his eyes. It is surreal.

      I have not had a person like this. I am too selfish with my fuel.

      1. But he sounds quite delicious, doesn’t he? I would risk madness for a moment of that crazy love.

      2. Love, the actually orgasm last very little. The build up and the after glow does not count. It is different for all women. But it does not last long at all. I can say that if my orgasm lasted longer then it does, I would stop breathing. If I had multiple ones like I have one, my heart would stop. I am like a man in this area, I need to recoup to go again. It is just how I am built. This is the biological side of the human body. I am not being sexual in this post. A woman needs her mind too. It enhances the orgasm. From what I have read and come to understand. Perhaps you have a different reference you might want to share.
        I was 12-13 yrs when I recall my first orgasm.

      3. I was 6. Started early. Multiples that go on and on. Like aftershocks after the main earthquake. Sorry if this is too graphic. I’m partaking in a bit of sensimilia right now. Lots of love to everyone. 💛💙💜💚❤

      4. My sister has multiples. But I think if you had multiple of what I consider a high intensity orgasm, you would end up a babbling idiot. I like what my body does. I am satisfied. Just think of the poor women that do not have them at all. Or the ones that have gone half their life not knowing what one was. My friend had her first in her 30’s. How in the hell does this happen?????

      5. I would think you do since you want to bind them to you, Mr. Olympian Between The Sheets.

      6. I feel the same why about the guy. Once I get mine, I want them to get the hell off. OFF of my body.

      7. And Mr Tudor, do you really find this joke funny? I believe when you are being full on monster, you would bring a woman to the brink and stop. To torture her. To punish her.

      8. And that he is. But I gotta love him for it. I am not sure who is crazier.

      9. Nothing like a little orgasm denial to spice up an evening!

    2. Love
      It is ecstasy and madness and deliciously intoxicating…. BTW, I liked your daily haiku on THE NARCISSISTIC TRUTHS – NO. 41! Nice job!

  5. So true… Everyday of the Narc looks exactly the same. He wakes up, he looks good in his expensive clothes, thorougly washed and ironed. He goes to work in his expensive and ideal car. He talks with people in this most gentleman but unemotional manner. He shows off, he proves how good he is at his job to get admiration. He eats once a day, but he doesn’t take pleasure in food. He reads to get knowledge, not for entertainment. He talks to his mother about what he ate and what compliments he got today. And then he turns to his IPPS for fuel. For sex, for admiration, for devaluation, for silence. And goes to sleep while watching tv… Just like that.

  6. I, I, I, I, I, I, I……………….. It is all about you isn’t it!

    This is why I am a fan.

    1. Reminds me of a shirt i have for my chihuahua it says me me me me its all about me lol

    2. Right??!! I read through my letters from him and all the sudden a light came on. Every sentence was I!!! I feel, I’m sorry, I’ll do better, I want. I, I, I. Wow!!

  7. Question HG, would you consider this description of your life and say, if you were an unaware Narc, as this is someone who loves life? Do you love life?

    Narc used to say alot how much he loves life. That despite his own suffering inside, he always loves life and to make people laugh. And this still puzzles me. How someone so alone, so bitter, so full of rage, so self-destructive, can love life other than he views his charm, his influence, his power as you describe above, as someone who knows how to love. But he doesn’t seem to see that its not so normal to ‘consume’ people and to plow through so many lives and have not much to show for all that.

    1. An unaware narcissist would read that and not see it as applicable to them. They believe they love life, but what they mean is, they love fuel, they just do not realise they do.

      1. So this is why he always responded to any of my unplanned actions as outlined in your How to Get Him to Hoover post. I think he knows what he is on the one hand but not enough to see that needing fuel is not loving life. He once said he needs people to take from but he didn’t say more and I was starting to guess at what was going on but I was too afraid to ask for more explaination. But any of those points I engaged in did elicit some response. Always. And I always misinterpreted why they all worked even though I was not premeditated in my actions; my behaviors were all emotionally and heart felt or human driven. I just thought he was mixed up in his love for me as well. Not that it was all only feeding his addictions. All of it on some level, whether positive or negative fuel.

  8. Welcome to the machine. Take a look at https://youtu.be/paG1-lPtIXA
    Bert Kreischer – The Russian Mob Story.
    This sentence somehow links narcissism to a funny youtube story. Maybe HG will not catch that it is just funny and really has nothing to do with narcissism save for the fact that HG could have the nickname “the machine” in real life. Plus I will see if he really does read every comment. *throws match*

    1. Stop trying to manipulate the posting of your comments, it is transparent and unnecessary.

  9. Yeaw…HG! I was waiting to find I fuck at some point! Not even the last on the list. That’s no good.
    I pray, three times a day, maybe more. I think, most of my day, must pay attention at what I’m doing. Behind one simple action there is a lot of thinking and studying.
    Then I try to defuse family crisis.
    Finally the bed, my true love.

      1. “I have. I remove. I strip. I push. I enter. I thrust. I delight. I lick. I bite. I tug. I caress. I probe. I stroke. I entrance. I hypnotise. I mesmerise.

        according to the above you had a bit more activity than zero…

  10. Im not on twitter but i notice some of your quotes HG(bottom of page) and i really love ” life is like photography you need the negatives to develop”. Ill write this one down! 👍

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