Poll – Which Form of Manipulation Affected You The Greatest?
There are many different forms of manipulation used throughout the narcissistic dynamic and these methods vary dependent on the relevant stage, whether it is the seduction, the embedded golden period, the devaluation and post dis-engagement or post-escape.
I am interested to know which form of manipulation during devaluation affected you the most and ten of the most common forms of manipulation are included in the poll below. If the one which affected you the most is not listed, then choose the one which affected you there second or third most, from the preferred list. Do also, in the comments explain why the particular form of manipulation affected you as it did.
Thank you for participating.
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Poll seems to reflect a lot of victims of mid range narcissists. My vote was for blame shifting and the overwhelming ability to deny and deflect. Zero accountability to be held.
My answers all keep disappearing. And I’m getting the same 20 or so comments in the mail ever day from the other poll! Aggravating as a Narc!
SO-HARD-TO-PICK-JUST-ONE!!! But, if I have to pick one….it would have to be the silent treatment. The ones that would happen when I wanted to talk about something. He would just sit silent and stare at me with those cold eyes and never answer back or say anything. I swear there was a slight smile as his silence slowly made me emotional. So hard to explain to people how him doing absolutely NOTHING could have felt like he has abused me from the inside out. When he started doing this after we moved in together, I was so confused about what was going on. After sitting silent for about an hour or so, he would just get up and go to bed and leave me there an emotional pool. It left me feeling like an abandoned child. I no longer felt like the strong independent woman that I was when I met him. I am separated from him now, but that feeling will take a while to shake off.
My second choice would have to be the smear campaign.
Haha
I just never give up do I!
I see my comments return from the Abyss.. 😊
Damn servers lol.
I guess I was determined to say reply and say Hello to Indy..😂😊👍
DW🐾
Hi Indy
This is my fifth attempt to reply to you. I am having awful trouble with the site, my comments just vanish and don’t upload.
They are not even going to moderation.
.. I know they are getting through somehow because I have had the automated email back when subscribing to the post but thats it. The comment Vanishes when I send it.!! It’s driving me nuts.
Thank you for your good wishes.
I am glad you have escaped and I hope you are well and remain so.
I am coming up to nearly a year too.
I’ve been relentlessly hoovered up until May.. I must have been in the 6th sphere of influence.
Re my name.. another Debbie has appeared on the blog lately so that is why I have added wolf… plus I like canines..haha…
Best wishes to you Indy..😊🌹✌
I do hope this one gets through!
DW🐾
4th reply for Indy.
Hello.. all my replies are disappearing..
🤐
All forms have affected me , ur survey should have said forms. There is no excuse for narssitic abuse on any level. All forms affect u. All are hard to get away from. Especilly when u leave. It gets worse and u realize they’ll never leave u alone. His mask is off.
Smears and triangulation affect me the most because they are unfortunately successful.
Second, it used to be gaslighting but not anymore.
The rest of the manipulations in the poll do not affect me as much as the ones I mentioned above. For example, I am used to receive threats from narcissists and none of them have been carried out until now. The narcissist’s pity play does not have any effect on me either. I am also used to withdrawal and future faking and do not trust people who do that. I am glad if people I do not like or do not want to have in my life give me the ST. They do me a favour as I do not want to be stalked by them.
HG, the manipulation which affects me the most is attrition (not in the poll). It is mentally and physically exhausting and I feel helpless.
Hm…let me try this again…as a child of a narcissist, which one impacts you the most? Even though you are a Narcissit, being on the receiving end of a Narcissist must suck.
Not any longer.
Hi HG. Being on the receiving side of a narcissist, which of these most messed with you?
HG, WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS BEHAVIOR? He used to say he liked me being insecure. “It means I’m in your head.” When I told him that was a bit creepy, he said it just means he likes that I think of him. But I know better now. Was that his mask slipping or something else?
He did this a few times, saying things to tip me off that I can’t trust him, like when we were getting close he said “should I leave you be? it wouldn’t be fair for me to use my years of experience at this to manipulate your feelings?” And I thought why wouid you just assume you’re going to do that? Was he warning me? He later said he was just trying to keep me from getting hurt since he couldn’t ever leave his wife and kids.
He said he wanted to own me. Then he said he was just meaning in fantasy (dominating me during sexting). But even so, it felt like he owned me at times still does if I can’t get him out of my head. Oh that too!!!
HG, what do you call that, saying things that are twisted during sexual interaction and then always saying it’s ok because it’s fantasy?
Gas lighting.
The worst for me was his refusal to admit the truth. Even now, I have just had to make peace with the fact that I’ll probably never know the whole truth, and I’m ok with that now. Thank you for helping us understand the narcissistic dynamic.
Silent treatment and withdrawal. Getting that at the moment.
Feels so much worse after a hoover as well. Texting all the time and then after last time together he texted a few times last week. Last text last Thursday. Since then silence. I know he was with the new source her last Friday. He blocked me on his phone.
Bumped into him Tuesday. Fake conversation from him. No texts though after though. In the past if he saw me in passing and we exchanged a few words he would always text later to say it had been good to see me, I looked nice etc.
Basically grooming to get what he wants and then doesn’t bother. Till the next time and the grooming will be there. Must not fall for it.
Threats
I am not saying the others did have an effect, just that has been the worse for me. Her favorite was always I am sending you back to the U.K. alone. It took going against her and standing up for a child to stand up to her. There are much worse things that could happen then being sent back alone. I was to young to see this, yet I do not believe I would have found the answer to a question I have had for a very long time if my life had gone a different direction.
I voted Gaslighting, but it was a definite toss up between that and silent treatment
It was the future faking that i disliked. We would make plans, then he sometimes would cancel at the last minute. I finally told him it really hurts me, so he never repeated it. Instead, he would make no plans at all or plan an hour in advance 😂 I can laugh abt it now, but at the time, it used to give me a 2-day panic attack.
Pity plays, because it is difficult for me watching that somebody is suffering. The other manipulations just disgust me and the result was that I withdrew.
I let my boundaries down and let him in as a friend because of the pity play. Never again. That was a hard lesson to learn. Over a year later of almost no contact at work and he still hoovers.
His silent treatment (+ withdrawal) made me utterly question my take on reality – did this happen, was this real, do people know, is he ok, were we close, was it in my head, is he a pick up artist, is he my twin flame, am I the reason his marriage is ending, is he waiting for me to leave my husband, am I just another pony in his stable, is he acting out of integrity, injury, or cruelty?
Farewell,
This exactly how it feels for me. I am still in confusion and keep questioning whether any of it was real, was the affection and adoration real?
Sadly I think we just another pony in their stable, another notch on their bedpost.
now that I’m educated on this type of abuse I’m fully confident I have and still are experiencing the games, but I had to choose one and it was blame shifting. We fought mostly the kids. I hate how he is with them. Not a real parent at all. But it’s all my fault because I interfere. I did at one point ignore his disciplining and how idiotic he interacts with them and nothing changed so I went back to defending. The kids are older but he still treats them like children and boundaries don’t exist. Literally watches you go to the bathroom ask why are you going outside. Weird. And then change to a different topic. But everyone of the cousins are wonderful and he brags about them to the kids. The triangulation was never a success in the past even though I look back and see he tried. But now his triangulation is his family and I see the game and had no idea I am being triangulated with the sister. What gives it away is a narcissist won’t give his money to anyone. It’s all a game and he’s having fun. And I just now figured that out even though his family does come first. But other than that I truly thought I was in a normal relationship.
Omg – we get the cousin bragging, too. They walk on water compared to our own kids.
The triangulation with other women would usually lead to the other manipulations. Thus, I voted for that one in particular. However, all of the manipulations were madenning.
Thank you for posting this. I wish I could pick more than one. Gaslighting. I know my own mind and own my own cray. He tried to own both. I saw what he did with others and I was on guard. Too bad(?) he failed with the major attempts. Just thinking about it makes me want to pop my head off. Word salad was a close second. For that one, I just walked away.
Silent treatment. I can’t stand being ignored. Never knew it was this bad until I went through this. The not knowing what I did. Going over and over in my head what I had possibly done. Why he wasn’t talking to me about it. Drives me absolutely freaking batshit crazy!!
Gas lighting: he would call me crazy over and over again, telling me that everyone thought I was crazy (friends and family). One time he did a crazy dance in the kitchen. But the worst was when he would touch his IPSS sexually in front of me.
The biggest form of manipulation I experienced was certain church doctrines I was taught by taking scriptures out of context.
All of them were mind boggling and crazymaking, but ultimately I voted future faking. He was well aware of what he was doing, it was methodically planned out, and yet at times would make a show of being invested in our “relationship”(which was one sided and a lie) He is a fake, a con,an abuser, and has no intention of being any different. He does not want a future with anyone forever and I think secretly knows he isn’t capable.He would rather take as much as he can, from as many as he can.
Hard to choose. I wanted to say Withdrawal/Stonewall/non-participation in a normal relationship over 15 yrs because that was pretty tough.
But chose Smearing because what hurt the very most was the alienation between myself and my daughters post-divorce. This could also be looked at as Triangulation perhaps. Thankfully, better now.
Blame shifting. He takes no responsibility for anything. It’s always some one else’s fault. It’s always the woman’s fault that he cheats and lies…
Withdrawal. What astonished me was not the withdrawal itself, but that she would reappear unbidden whenever she pleased, and thought this justified. I was appalled by the selfishness, and by her blatant lying intended to render me docile.
Threats – because he threatened to divorce me if I didn’t do something that would destroy my finances forever ( I did it as I thought he was having a mental breakdown and at the end of the day didn’t want a divorce so I chose him over my financial security ) so now instead of being set up financially for life I am struggling . so this is particularly the worst ONLY because I live it for life .. 2 . withdrawal ( as nothing can be resolved or understood ) 3 blame shifting ( because its so erratic and crazy
Hugs. Hang tough. There will be no satisfaction from your ex. The answers you seek will come from within. Trust your gut and intuition.
Smearing! Because honestly once he was gone I was done! He turned a very dear friend away from me with his lies!! Wait!! I guess he wasn’t such a dear friend if he believed his lies!! Changed my mind silent treatment and then word salad!!
Dear Mr Tudor,
LIES, LIES, LIES and more continuous LIES mixed with the never ending ” intensifying powerful mind games” and the continual “what about me, it isn’t fair” drama drama drama! When I confronted him with the “truth” on the downward spiral, he lied to my face with those “cold lifeless eyes”. Lied right to the bitter end (or is it) ?
Sooooo, Gas lighting as the main course, tossed with an abundant of word salad, a fusion of pity play and blame shifting as sides, then for dessert, a massive bowl of silent treatment covered with a hoovering of “nut” topping!
I’m never going back to that restaurant again!
Again, Thankyou for the opportunity!
Pleasure.
I would have welcomed a few silent treatments as this guy never stopped talking.
So, I’d have to say the sudden withdrawal was the worst for me. After the first dramatic discard, then a several weeks long massive grand hoover starting about two hours after the discard, I resisted but took him back (I wasn’t aware of NPD yet and how this all works yet)…
Second discard (I had also stopped letting him borrow money from me) about 8 months after that – he was securing new supply I now understand thanks to HGs works. Oh, and he married her 11 days after discarding me. I never would have found out but he very “helpfully” texted me to let me know about the marriage the morning after it happened, I assume from the honeymoon (?) “out of respect for me” he stated. I couldn’t even reply. I was gutted – but I guess that was the intended reaction.
Complete silence after that one. Withdrawal was rough since there had been constant communication and future faking for six years and then nothing.
Good times.
And by the way HG, thanks for having a forum where I can say all this. Once I put it out there it’s so much easier to let it go.
You are welcome.
Silent treatment was horrible, bHG. Now the tables are turned. I’m no longer interested.
I would definitely go for future faking. It is the basic trick that keeps you in the relationship when everything else shouts “leave”. Narcissists thrive because we over-estimate hope.
I agree, M! It’s always jam tomorrow…
Yes, dear Matilda, this was the ultimate trap for me. So much future faking. Almost only future faking, he tries it even during hoovering!Triangulation is also terrible , of course, it is my number two, but without the future faking I would have left the first minute I felt triangulated.
So very true, M!
*Damned typos* voice to text app.
Word salad.. because what was said was always unfair and twisted and it did lead into gas lighting.. I believe the word salad lead into quite a lot of the other treatments and was the precursor to the other treatments.
it was the injustice the unfairness.. the complete lack of logic that I just could not bear.. twisting everything I said into something I was not saying it was just intolerable…
To add… withdrawal and the silent treatment was irritating but frankly after the word salad it was good riddance for a bit.. I’ll his word salad just made me think he was an idiot.
he called me an effing stupid idiot and then use the word salad.
I know who the idiot was and it wasn’t me.. so he could take his silent treatments with my blessing which enabled me to demonstrate to him in the end what a silent treatment actually is.
I’m now engaging in the mother of all silent treatments: No contact!
Hi DebbieWolf (great name!),
I agree, I think many of these tactics overlap and weave with the others. Lies are the route of so many of them….future faking, gas lighting, smearing, even silence withdrawals are lied about (oh my phone was dead, sick relative, blah blah, oh I do not feel like it…the real issue never discussed (fuel and the need for drama).
Glad I am single and have escaped a year ago and went no contact.
Best to you and your healing journey,
Indy
Hi Indy 😊
Thank you..Re name.
it’s because I love dogs and wolves.. to be fair I love all animals..🐾
I too am approaching a year since I finally called it off with my ex. He hoovered relentlessly… alsorts was used even a death as in similar to h HG’s article about it…. (demise) to attempt to break me down into going back.
Ive had some weak moments to say the least.
HG has been invaluable.. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without his work. I can’t tell you how important it has been and how it has helped me.
6th sphere central up until this May re my ex.
All quiet on the Western Front at mo.. but that is no time at all though.
Glad you too escaped..👍🌹
And hope you are well and remain so. X
Debbie.🐾 (Tudorite) 😁✌
Hi DebbieWolf!!
It pays to be persistent 😊 ask a narc 😂 Anywho, I too am an animal lover and feel connect to them. I grew up with Siberian huskies as a kid, love wolfie like dogs. In fact my kitty is named “wolfie” lol short for Wolfgang.
Indeed, you have been hoovered s lot!! I only got a few. I left last summer and the last Hoover attempt was xmas. I hope your peace remains for a long time!!!
Yay us for getting out and remaining NC!! ❤️👊🏼🙌🏻
Tude is the dude!
Indy 🌜✨⚡️
Hi Indy
Thank you for your reply I have already replied but I’m having a problem with the site. My reply vanished.
Re name…i love dogs and wolves..plus another Debbie has appeared lately so I added Wolf to my name..🐾
I am nearly a year as well since I split up with my ex. I’ve been in the 6th sphere I must have been until May.. relentless hoovering.
I am glad you have escaped and hope you are well and continue to be so..🌹
I hope this comment gets through to you.✌😊
Lol WordPress is having a tantrum!! I am not seeing anything new, just occasional email notification! Maybe if I take a few days off of here it will like me again:) enjoy your weekend everyone!!
*underdevelopment
The silent treatments because they came as a total surprise to me and marked the beginning of devaluation and everything there followed with that. The spinning thoughts and the “why” felt unbearable.
His silent treatments came as a result of concentrating on the new supply. Too busy with her and to avoid her finding out about the existing appliance.
He had new supply Bride
Silent treatment is bad, but it also clued me in to his emotional underdeveloped. Withdrawal in the moment, during intimacy, was extremely alienating and triggering.
So confusing isn’t it, they are all affectionate and caring and then it’s gone and instead of making love it becomes having sex.
They all blow. I do have a rule I have always lived by: if my boyfriend diseappeard or gives me a silent treatment for more than 24 hours I’m single.
Yes Doc. They must still keep us on a tight leash. Once you’ve established they’re alive and its been over 24 hours, then that is like opening the cage door and letting us fly free. I would consider that a humane act.
Establish they are alive and then beat them silly 😜 and then walk out with the middle finger salute while saying “don’t tell me I didn’t give you anything, here’s you last dollop of fuel looser 😂😈Not feeling my empathy today.
Indy
Middle finger salute that made me laugh
Im the same way Dr. H! My narc knows if he disappears its over. I wont put up with that id rather end the relationship.
I voted triangulation because it always made me feel not good enough. It went straight to my core, my self-esteem. Also it created a lot of rivalry and conflict between me and my sisters.
It was used a lot by both my mother and my ex.
Second would be smear campaign. My mother did it (and still does) in a rather nasty way. I felt very lonely, exposed, and betrayed. Very angry and helpless too.
Triangulation because of his status and popularity. He caused falling outs with friends with his mind games.
Future faking, hands down.
That “future” has now arrived and I need to find me some ruby slippers boy!
About to divorce, almost 10 years married, separated for the last 2 and finally ready to make it legal.
This point in my life I am the lowest I have ever been, it shouldn’t be that way. Took almost 10 years for that mask to drop and now it’s time to go, take my life back and prepare for war like you say.
I’m tough, I know I can do it. Being mentally ready was key for me, needed to see those big black eyes to open mine. Emotions, fears, anxiety all had to go first though, spent the past 2 years spinning in circles.
Ready.
There is not one I detest the most. But since I had to pick it was the triangulation. My ego betrays me at times.
Gas Lighting! 8 years of this! I have no words to describe it. It is so bad that he “the devil” can convince me that the sky is purple when I know it is blue. I can’t remember anything anymore from 1 day to the next. It is absolutely horrible!
Tryingtoescape,
Welcome! You are on the right path, getting educated here and preparing! Gas Lighting was my worst as well….it triggered brain fog and amnesia and severe anxiety in me and I only went through it less than 2 years and did not live with him. I cannot imagine what you have endured for 8 years.
Have you read any of HGs books on planning on leaving? Departure Imminent helped me. I also used exorcism immediately as I did not live with him. Do you have children with your spouse? Any supports that are on your side helping you?
I am sorry you are going through this now!
Keep reading and ask lots of questions. Many folks here have some great feedback and input. Plus it helps being understood here too. It helped me so.
Indy
Hi Indy! We do not have any children together. I have 2 girls from my 1st marriage and they lived with us. I do not have a support system. Within the last couple of weeks he has met someone new. This is the 1st time since we have been together he has actually tossed me off to the side for another woman. Before it was me catching him on dating websites, talking to other woman on the phone or thru txts….etc. etc. I am not sure how I feel right now. My emotions are up and down…all over the place. I am now being smeared by him horribly. The stuff he is saying about me. I have been through it ALLLLLLLLL!!! Then gone back for more….OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!! WTH is wrong with me? 8 YEARS of mine and my kids lives to be tossed off to the side like a piece of garbage. WTF??? See…I just went from being numb to pissed! I am ANGRY! He needs to pay…but I know he will do whatever he can to me to get me in trouble with the law from stalking to harassing etc. HE IS EVIL! I don’t know what to expect from here. Will he try and Hoover me again?? If so when? He has his new playmate. How long am I safe for? That is the part that is bothering me the most. Will he try and come back around? And if so when? HG..time for another consultation. I should have listened to you months & months ago. I just never thought he would actually replace me 100%. How could I be so stupid?
Hello HG!
The silent treatments were the worst. I didn’t understand what my ex was doing and what was the point. They started small.
She would tell me
“Let’s see how many days we can go without talking”
” I will talk to you in a week”
” I’m not going to talk to you today”
This was early in the friendship and I always responded with “why”.
She prepared me for what was to come by telling me that she just disappeared at times and it was because she needed the space. Her brain could only handle sooo much.
Months down the road she would all of a sudden not answer her phone and would start pretending that things weee happening that really weren’t.
She would say:
“Something’s not right between us”
“I can’t do this”
“I’m bad for you”
“You don’t need me in your life”
I remember spending days and a week at a time crying in bed because I just didn’t understand.
The last few months I figured out some of the things that triggered her and tried to do what I could before they would happen.
I did spend time looking up anything that would give me a clue as to why she behaves like that and I got nothing. This is one of the many reasons that I believe you are doing something good. Hopefully when someone does the searching online about these behaviors now they will be able to figure it out before it’s too late.
All thanks to you HG.
Triangulation and gaslighting would be next in line. But silent treatments brought the most tears and I’m sure that’s why they were used the most.
You are welcome.
Wow SW! Those comments created some triggers. JN would say things like “don’t take it personally if you don’t hear from me for a while” (on the heels of just spending some great quality time together) or “I lose track of time and don’t notice if a few weeks go by between getting in touch with people”. How the hell does that happen when I’m texting you and asking what’s wrong? lol
Yup, I don’t take it personal now. But it’s very unsettling remembering how confusing that behavior is and constantly questioning why and your own behavior to fix when you don’t even know what you’re supposed to fix, if anything.
Hello Clarece!!!!
When you added ( on the heels of just spending quality time together), that was really right on the money. That’s what she did also and why I was confused all the time. We were just happy a minute ago and then those texts would arrive.
Sooo STUPID!!!!
I was always thinking what is was that I could do to help and now I know NOT A THING!
And when I look back I can’t believe how early all of that started. I was completely blind.
I am stilll amazed everyday when someone else has heard the exacts same words or similar experience to mine. Just makes me shake my head.
But at least I know I’m not crazy. Lol
Have you tried dating lately?
How is your summer with your daughter going?
Any new slime concoctions or has she moved on from that? Lol
Yes, we know we’re not crazy. One of the best things to come out of this.
No dating for Clarece. I got asked out by two different people this coming week while my daughter is on a trip with her dad. But, they’re not right for me so I don’t even like to waste my time or theirs on casual date. I’m still too guarded right now.
I cracked up that you remember my daughter’s mad scientist slime making skills. It is ever so slowly tapering off…
Is your daughter home for the summer?
Have an awesome weekend!
Ha Ha Clarece!!!!
I’m still trying to convince people that I’m not crazy but at least this site has convinced me that I’m not. Lol
I think about you all the time and how you would even begin to think about dating. I’m having such a hard time trying to understand appropriate social interactions with adults right now. It’s ridiculous that I scrutinize every single little detail about texting and conversing with people. It’s exhausting and is causing me breakdowns.
I can only imagine how you feel when you think about dating. 😩
In Ohio the slime faze has moved on and replaced by fidget spinners. The kids are quick to move on to a new faze. This one isn’t as messy. Lol
My daughter is home and in lots of therapy because of her accident injuries. Now we both suffer from a form of ptsd/c-ptsd. But she is angry and I just cry. Interesting to see how the different emotions come out. Overall she is doing better and going back to OSU in August.
Hope you had a great week!!!
Lots of hugs❤️🍎❤️
Hi Snow,
I remember you said your daughter was coping with a lot from that accident. That is interesting noticing the differences in how you both are letting the emotions out in a different ways. It’s hard for me to cry now. It has to be something very powerful to get me moved enough to that point. On point about analyzing every detail about texting and conversations. I have my close circle of friends and family and I just don’t even want to expend the energy getting to know anyone new. Adversely though I’m starting to turn down invites where there would be large groups of people. I just like dealing with 1-2 people more one-on-one and that’s it. I don’t want to become too reclusive but it’s all I’m comfortable with.
One of the guys I mentioned that asked me out, apparently saw my profile on Bumble, which in 2 years time, I still have yet to actually meet someone off of that one. We didn’t match. He liked my profile so much, he googled me and found me on FB and private messaged me on Messenger asking me out on a date. He’s checked in with me a few times to see if I’d change my mind. He’s not being pushy at all. I didn’t even mind that he tried to find me offline because he’s been very polite. But he’s two hours away in Chicago. Works in IT. Seems successful. He’s another significantly younger. I asked him what his longest relationship was. He answered six months and he’s had a few girlfriends in his 20’s. I know all he’s looking for is a “cougar” experience. It has no potential for anything significant. I’m most definitely not going down that route again. He texted today wondering what I have going on for the 4th of July weekend. I told him I’m painting my bathroom. lol What’s funny is I’m really not playing hard to get. I’m truly not interested but that’s when I keep hearing from the guys.
My daughter is up to 4 fidget spinners. lol
The family I work for here in Illinois also hails from Ohio. (Lancaster area). They are huge OSU fans. My boss has his entire office decked in OSU decor – pictures, helmets, rug etc. The Great Buckeye State!!
Have a Happy 4th of July Snow!!! Hugs back!
Hello Clarece!!!
Sorry it’s taken sooo long. We just had my son’s graduation party and that took a lot out of me. Lol
I completely get not wanting to be around many people. I feel that too and it’s hard to explain to people. I was emotionally drained after the party for two days, I felt numb as I was talking to everyone. I could hear them but I wasn’t taking in a word they were actually saying. It was too much for me. Some of the people I hadn’t seen before my whole situation and I didn’t want to fill them in on what I have been doing for a few years. It’s sad but I don’t want to talk to the people I had in my life prior to that relationship. I feel like I’m a dirrerent person and not the person that they remember. The only exceptions are the two friends that knew what was going on the whole time.
It’s very interesting to hear your dating stories. Lol
I wondered how you were handling being asked out and being around men who were interested. Two hours sounds far away. The ‘cougar’ experience made me chuckle. 😃 I didn’t feel the age difference in my relationalship at all.
How did the bathroom turn out?
My July 4th was quiet and peaceful.
It always makes me laugh when I hear about the out of state Ohio fans. I don’t root for any of them. Lol.
When I went to NYC a couple of months ago I saw those spinners on tables everywhere. At least they are inexpensive. Lol… I did try one and I could see how they would become addictive.
Hope you had a great week!
Hello Snow White! I feel for your situation. Besides still healing and having days where you naturally miss your ex, you are also confronted daily with mending and rebuilding your marriage under your roof. One is hard enough to do. You are dealing with a double whammy. I’m wondering if your trip to NYC (if you went with other people / family than your husband) if you felt like you had some great breathing space? I also read with your injury, you’re having to step back from the gym and I know that provides a huge sense of feeling strong again and building up your confidence. I’m sorry that happened.
4th of July was productive. Obviously a vast improvement over 2 years ago when JN stood me up for a planned weekend. Last year coming out of the fog, and this year did a little remodel in my bathroom. lol
Have a happy, peaceful weekend!
Hi Clarece,
I went to NYC with my son and his senior class.
It was a good time. We were busy from 7am til 10pm so that kept my mind distracted. I enjoy talking to that age group. Lol
I did not feel the sensory overload that I felt a year ago when I was in the crowds. That was progress.
I do enjoy my time alone and being with just my son was nice. I can cry freely without judgement when I’m by myself. Lol…. my husband and daughter are having a hard time with how long the recovery is taking. I’m doing the best that I can. That’s all I can give them.
I remember your 4th story and I want to say congrats for getting through another one!!!!
I know how it feels to hit any of those anniversaries. The memories just come flooding back. Bet the bathroom turned out beautiful.
Wishing you all the peace and love back!!!!
Snow White making slime (without borax) and fidget spinners are both therapeutic. 😊 I actually enjoy using the different food colors and glitter unicorn style and butter slime. One of the few thingsI enjoy with the kids when they visit. Also, i keep fidget spinner in car for traffic and at my desk.
All of a sudden I keep seeing references to fidget spinners (not all over the blog admittedly) but elsewhere. I even saw a gold one yesterday worth several thousand pounds. Where have these things come from? Have they stopped making elastic bands and tennis balls?
They are EVERYWHERE. Everyday at the clinic they are put in the waiting room orrrr get this…on apps. Spinners on apps, smh.
They are everywhere! I wasn’t surprised that middleschool kids all have them. But last weekend at the reunion grown men were playing a game tossing a spinning one back and forth and trying to catch it where it kept spinning (practically impossible).
They may keep kids from fidgeting, but they seem to require too much attention. Doesn’t seem like you can really focus on something else for having your attention on the spinner!
They are very popular with pre teens/teens. it’s a spinny thing to keep your hands occupied I guess. Both of my sons like them (your nephews probably know all about them). I tried it. Didn’t do anything for me….
Wikipedia..
Note: CATHERINE HETTINGER is still kicking herself in the ass for failing to renew patent. In the past few months they have grossed over 2 billion. China can’t get them out fast enough. I purchase directly from vendor and let the kids sale at community events. Young entrepreneurs, the kids flocked to us like the ice cream man and parents shell out 10 to 20 for them. 😊
As of 2017, the patent status of the various fidget spinners on the market was unclear.[5]
Catherine Hettinger, a chemical engineer by training, was initially credited by some news stories to have been the inventor of the fidget spinner, including by media outlets such asThe Guardian,[6] The New York Times,[7] and the New York Post.[8] Hettinger filed a patent application for a “spinning toy” in 1993 and a patent was issued, but Hettinger allowed the patent to lapse in 2005 after she could not find a commercial partner.[6][5] A May 2017Bloomberg News article showed that Hettinger was not the inventor of the fidget spinner, and Hettinger agreed.[5]
In an interview appearing on May 4, 2017 onNPR, Scott McCoskery described how he invented a metal spinning device in 2014 to cope with his own fidgeting in IT meetings and conference calls.[9] In response to requests from an online community, he began selling the device he called the Torqbar online.[9]
Thanks Yolo, appreciate that.
I forgot to add tennis balls are still around. I use them to whack the narc. The challenge is their ability to maneuver around so swiftly I have to replace a lot of windows. 😊 The windows to my soul seems irreplaceable. 🙁✔
Yolo
The windows to your soul are unbreakable. They’ve just had narc crud smeared and projected on them. They will self-clean with healing,
Windstorm2 thanks for encouragement. Some days are clearer than others. I look forward to having the fog completely lifted.
My emotions range from feeling empowered, anger, and resentment. Cheers to more clearer days😊
Funny, when I saw response to yolo which i don’t always see. I was like damn what did I do or say this time. ☺
Fidget Spinners are where it’s at HG. Your niece and nephew probably have a collection. lol
Hi Yolo!
I have seen both used in therapy. They are great for anyone who needs some sensory integration. My son, who is autistic loves anything that spins.
At my preschool we try to keep some things that are on a smaller scale in a box that is ready to hand to a student if they because agitated, anxious, or are on the verge of a tantrum. I think the fidget spinners would make a nice addition. We have play dough, yarn, paper clips, and sensory balls. An assortment of things.
I love your idea of keeping one in your car.
I LOVE glitter but have never heard of butter slime. What is that?
Snow White.
Thanks for your input, it definitely helps me with anxiety and concentration. My nephew and niece are autistic. My nephew is higher functioning than my niece. Shes 18 now and still require lots of care.
My heart goes out to parents that have to deal with an ill child its definitely a game changer.
Butter slime is softer and have a buttery consistency. 😊
Hello Yolo!!!!
My son is 19 and will be with me the rest of my life. He will never be able to live on his own.
I bet they both love coming to your house!!!!!
Kids always love attention and fun activities!
You sound like a fun aunt😛
Thanks for the explanation.
Regarding spinners and fads …lol my two kiddos were in the spinner frenzy and have about 10 each. They were gangbusters about them and then swiftly lost interest. Spinners are out the door and the prices have dropped quite a bit.
Theyve gone thru so many fads the worst were furbies!!! No off switches on those things. I was afraid to breath near them for fear of setting them off 😄
Now its slime and my daughter mixes so many types. The latest is adding these tiny styrofoam balls to it. Elastic band bracelets are no more.
My favorite fad growing up was sticker trading. I still have my sticker albums. Smelly stickers were so cool lol
Yesssss, scratch n’ sniff stickers! I had my sticker albums too in middle school.
My daughter just got back from a long vacation with her Dad and couldn’t wait to hit her “lab” to make a new batch of slime using baking soda she learned from one of her cousins.
I thought my daughter had came up with butter slime lol not sure if its the same but she added butter to hers. My son hates the smell lol
Re..autism and spinning this brought back a memory when my son was about 3 he loved spinning items. This is on the checklist for autism. Hes lost a lot of these quirks as hes gotten older. Trains were another one. He still takes an interest in them and i want to get him a train simulator along with a scenic trip at some pt on a train.
Butter has got to be right up there with marshmallow slime… that was a freakin’ mess that day. Lol
Hi Narc Affair.
How old is your son now?
I have seen lots of kids on the spectrum fascinated by trains. I took my son on a Thomas the Train ride when he was little and the Polar Express. I enjoyed both. Lol
HG, had you ever been in therapy prior to the past few years?
Would you say that your writing is your best distraction? If you are having a “bad” day or low fuel day do you immediately feel the need to write?
Is there a particular type of therapy that the doctors have used that you have found to be helpful?
As always, if you don’t want to answer it’s ok.
The comment about not knowing who you are has made me aware of the growing similarities that we seem to share now.
ALL of the above, but I chose word salad because it was such a foreign concept to me before I started studying narcissistic abuse.
triangulation. I found it so ridicules
The Word Salad. Because in that mess of nothingness, he threw in all the others.
His complete and utter inability to make sense except the 1 time he really wanted to. But then, though that time seemed so direct, it was sandwiched with so much nonsense it was impossible to know what to really pay attention to… the reasons we would never work, or the future faking? Asking to end it like an adult, or the silent treatment when I asked for that? Asking for an explanation and getting silence or word salad…
Each move on my part was countered with nonsense of some kind. The nonsense that could only be delivered with word salad except for the silent treatment. Which didn’t bother me really at first as it didn’t sink in how intentional he was being. Once I saw the clear pattern of it all, the awareness he had he was doing it on purpose, then it started to be hurtful. I just went on attack mode … :(.
What ended up hurting me and still does, what the PAST faking (his LIES about what he had done to me as a young girl were the ONLY reason I let my guard down) and then the accompanying lies he built on those lies that got me to really open up to him.
How about hating the Past Faking the most for those of us Hooovered after a great length of time? Hell is too good for him for those particular lies. And on that, everything else was built and used to manipulate me.