The Eight Exploitations of Empathy

THE EIGHT EXPLOITATIONSOF EMPATHY

You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them

1. Trust

You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.

2. Honesty

Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.

3. Decency

You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.

4. Equality

You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.

5. Fidelity

To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.

6. Tenacity

You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.

7. Healing

You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.

8. Loving

Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.

99 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy

  1. KitKat says:

    This one hurts to read more than others. I feel like prey, and I fucking hate feeling vulnerable or victimized. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. lolalestrange says:

    Yet, still we crave every last, crisp bite of the poisoned apple.

  3. K says:

    Dr. Q PsyD
    We are fiercely independent and if we went to high school together, we probably would have ended up in detention or suspended…a lot.
    Love the Heathers clip! Great 80s movie. I am, and always have been, a Veronica, like you. New York! I remember going to Coney Island as a kid. My dad grew up in Manhattan. You, Indy and I all hail from the Northeast. The seasons up here are awesome. I hope it aint too hot down south for Indy! If you get into trouble over the holiday, remember the secret words from Harry Potter: Mischief managed. See you on the flip side Dr. Q PsyD!

    1. Indy says:

      K,
      Girl! It gets hot as hades here! I miss Vermont summers. I lived in Acton,MA and Boston, MA. For a few years. We are all North Easterners! That’s wicked! πŸ‘ŠπŸΌ

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      K and Indy…

      When they don’t realize just how crazy you can get lmao https://youtu.be/NbxqtbqyoRk

      When that super empath goes Boooooom

      1. Indy says:

        That is a great song! I love Fiona Apple and that smokey real voice!

        Indeed, Kaboom πŸ’₯
        (Inside their sound proof chamber of pain, as I continue NC like a BossπŸ‘ŠπŸΌ

  4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    If someone cheats on me I feel as though I should leave or cheat on them and then leave.

    I remember early in the hookup stage with my ex – he was cheating on his then girlfriend with me (strange as we all know he is secretly gay but I digress)… he told me he wasn’t having sex with her anymore and I well… wanted to believe him.

    He slipped up one time after we had sex in some hotel room and I remember thinking I had to even the score. I slept with a friend of mine and I did. Let’s just say it fucked my ex up pretty bad.

    I couldn’t let him just get away with that. That wasn’t fair. He doesn’t get to tell me lies and bang people and I sit there like a shmuck. Hell no.

    Funny part is at first he didn’t believe me lol. What’s even more amusing is that my ex and the guy I hooked up with both asked the same question “was it good with him”….

    I probably should have mentioned that the guy I had sex with was my first psychopath.

    I went back and forth from the narc to the psychopath.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      Basically what it comes down to is when I’m exploited I’m not gonna sit there and take it smiling.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        And sometimes the only way to win is to disappear…

        1. Indy says:

          #truth!

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        See that’s the thing I don’t understand lmao…

        These narcissists and sociopaths and psychopaths know I’m not gonna sit there and take it like a bitch (especially… oh especially infidelity). I can assure you had I really had proof and had truly known for sure he was fucking around I would have disappeared on his ass a long time ago.

        Yeah sure in the relationship I’d give some fuel from time to time because let’s be real I’m human and I react sometimes. I never knew until reading HGs material it doesn’t matter what kind of emotional reaction you give them – they just needed any kind at all…

        Now… toward the end of my relationship I became less reactive and that used to fuck my ex up. I used that tactic more and more. It used to make him come crawling and would confuse the shit out of him because i was extremely reactive. He never believed me when I said I would leave – that one day I’ll not give a fuck and just walk out the door and never ever come back. They never know when to stop pushing – they always push too far.

        What it comes down to is okay yes I check off the empathetic traits but I can be just as manipulative as them – wouldn’t they wanna choose someone who wouldn’t cheat on them back … be vengeful … and walk away? Well to be fair maybe they just never think I’ll walk away? Maybe it’s just that they sense my empathetic traits and my high energy and underestimate my level of crazy lol?

        1. Indy says:

          Hi Doc,
          Yessss, I experienced a similar dynamic with exes, the lack of recognition that I will leave and not return. I remember one ex of mine saying “yeah, I had no clue how cold and strong you could be until you left me”. This was a non-Narc ex that I went through many rehab trips with…the first trip to rehab I held his hand through intake….by the 6th time I drove up to the door, pushed him out, and drove off. we remained friends until he died from an OD. I get cold and hard and logical when the line is crossed. The recent ex of a year ago, I did play a few mind games back at him before I left. Mainly because I didn’t want to believe he had no empathy and I wanted to believe he would realize how bad he was and change. It just delayed the ending. I mirrored his silent treatments, i went grey rock when I knew he wanted a response (he upped the ante then). It was hard to keep up the game and I really was done. He was educated, very smart, ex military and very good at mind fucking. Because of the salami slicing approach he used, he wore me down bad with time. At first I debated him with logic…he countered with vague lies that had a grain of truth. Then the memory fucks. Then the denying he said things immediately after saying them,…repeatedly. Then the huge reactions to small things and no reaction to bigger things…to confuse. I have a big startle response and it got worse with him. Oddly I do think he had PTSD as well. Added all up, it was intense. The shark eyes and mask slips…Then the future fakes, etc. I finally hit the end, broke up, went NC. His hoovers were intense for a time though I ignored and they’ve faded. One year on the 4th!

          BTW, I’m ADHD tooπŸ˜‚ My full diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder (remission), GAD(remission), CPTSD (recovering) and ADHD. I drink lots of coffee as I hate the ADHD med effects πŸ˜‚ I’m alphabet soup! I would have been diagnosed with traits of ODD, but not fully, because I skipped a ton of school to hang with the “rebels” in HS, despite being a band and math team geek πŸ€“However, I think some was my ADHD. I was a rebel that looked like a “good girl”. I still use this mask as many people think when they see me as “sweet”, naive and a push over. It works for meπŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

          We’d get in trouble, girl!
          Indy

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy and K,

        You girls are amazing ha!

        Indy I was diagnosed ADHD-I when I was 15 and oppositional defiant disorder. My ADHD was then changed to ADHD-C.

        You should look into Dr. Amen and the 7 types of ADHD it’s facinating. I took the test “what type of ADHD do you have” and I actually have symptoms of a few. I take medication for my ADHD. I’m waiting to hear back from him because I want to consult with him.

        K, I was often in trouble and never went to class. It was a miracle that I graduated lmao! I took the AP psychologist test without studying and got a 5 (highest you can get) so I think that and my writing got me into college lol!

        So I’m sure you ladies can relate to being a veronica. I have always found myself attracted to more dangerous types – it’s something I can’t seem to help. I don’t sit there thinking I want to cure them. I just need the mental stimulation and excitement.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Stay in school kids, brush your teeth twice a day and remember you can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        I’ve always called myself a good girl with bad tendencies lol..

        I often get “you look like sucha good girl” or “you look like trouble”

        But…. I’m both 😜

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        Ex military eh? Sounds exhausting!

        My startle response is insane now as well. I jump at like anything and everything it’s so weird.

        Funny you used the word cold…

        I always used to say to my ex… you are going to be sorry because one day I’m going to be dead inside and not give a fuck and that’s when you are really screwed because you can’t hurt someone who doesn’t care.

        I mean of course I was explosive at times but I became so internally fucked up I would go from hot to cold so quickly he would be confused. The last time I saw him and he was dumb enough to say to my Face “I love you like a friend” and I flipped out all of a sudden I can’t even explain y but I went totally dead. I stopped crying and screaming and I said that’s fine i stopped loving you a long time ago. I said it really really calm and I wasn’tfaking it.

        My ex turned it around and said let’s forget this ever happened let’s go to bed.

        I was so emotionally fucked up i remember I was on the bed he came up behind me and his dick was fucking hard and he was rubbing it up against me and said “you still give me boners”…

        I was silent and didn’t respond and he started trying to Kiss my back and was all like I really do love you ….

        I stayed silent and knew what I was going to do….

        1. Indy says:

          Hi Doc,
          You sound like fire-woman with an ice zapper πŸ˜‰ It says “don’t fuck with me!” I’m like the mix of earth and lava. I work slowly, though once I have covered land, I do not go back and burn a trail through. Then it forms to cold stone.

          Yes, I have heard of the Amen Clinic and I will check it out. I was never diagnosed with ODD though if I was evaluated as a kid it would have been sprinkled with the ADHD. I believe the MDD slows down my impulsivity, a fortunate mix for me or I would have gotten in serious trouble. I skipped tons of school, I was bored.

          Yes, it was always the bad boys for me too, particularly the smart ones, though my first tango as a young teen was with a budding somatic with bad boy all over him…and was dumb as a box of rocks.
          The last one was a combo of ex military with a science degree and a way with words. He was mentally exhausting as he knew many psych techniques. I hated it and was fascinated too. It was a challenge.

          I have never been with a greater. I had a few dates with a possible greater though he felt more psychopathic. That was like dancing with a cobra. Mesmerizing and dangerous and I knew it. I never was alone with him because I refused. I had a gut feeling that my wellbeing was in danger…he was sexy though!

          Yep, that cold switch can be very sudden and stealth. Your description of that switch is quite accurate. When you know, that’s when the exit strategy begins, whether it’s mid discussion or mid-fuck.

          There are a lot of really strong women here and so greatful of meeting them all as it is proof that we are not the “weaker” sex, just underestimated. And we can use that with great effect!

      6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        HG,

        So tell us our darling favorite psychopath…

        Where would a kooky ADHD, ODD female who likes to talk to sociopaths and psychopaths find ones that are similar to you? I’m not talking about the peasant ones lol….

        The ones that are on a higher level….

        😜

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        HG,

        The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity😜

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        I like your descriptions lol!

        I am very much how you described me lol!! Those narcissists and psychopaths love playing with fire 😜. I can’t blame them since I do too lmao!

        “…dancing with a cobra” I so have to use that now lol!

        I’ve never been with a greater. I have dated to idiotic narcs and I have been involved with a few psychopaths.

        My first… was a budding psychopath. He comes and goes. He currently is in ghost mode. He believes he made me. Maybe in some ways he did? He definetly didn’t make all of me. I will give him credit – I learned a lot from him.

        He told me he never tries anything he knows he won’t be good at so he looks like he’s good at everything. He also told me to never trust him… lol. I took his advice. He’s told me many times he puts me above the rest (he should lmao but who knows). When I was younger I used to ask him over and over again “why do you play these games with me” he’s like “because you play back” “you make me want to fuck your mind” (he’s like a sapiosexual).

        I want to believe I’ll find someone “healthy” that will be able to hold my attention. ::sigh::

        I understand the difference between love and infatuation.

        Infatuation is so powerful and like all consuming.

        It’s a feeling I rarely get but when I do I’m completely fixated. I love it and I hate it. I wonder if I can get that fixated on someone who is not a cluster b lol…

        I can only hope…

      9. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        *two idiotic narcs

      10. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        I now can spot narcissists extremely fast. I was always good at picking out psychopaths. There is that pause that HG speaks of – I have noticed that. That pause of…. how should I react. I know that pause real well from my first psychopath.

        They feel different.

        Their eyes are different. They never seem to match the rest of their face when trying to convey expressions. They are often dead or reptilian. They don’t blink as much.

        Their speech is different.

        I literally can’t feel the things they say. When they have a burst of authentic feeling I CAN feel it… but often they are just words. It’s hard to explain. Lol

      11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        I’m still laughing at how you described me! It really is spot on lmao…

        My attitude summarized in a video lmao

        https://youtu.be/agNvdSIIkXA

  5. Geminimom says:

    Indy,

    Hmmm, I can fanaticize being a narcissist. I would be the undercover one. The one that takes you by surprise, and in my absent mindedness, forget to collect the fuel.

    That is so funny!

  6. this says:

    “You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance.” Actualy they (‘ipps’) are megalomaniac.

  7. Jody Allen says:

    Dear H.G.I have a question that I hope you will answer.
    I realize this isn’t a Dear Abbey blog, but I seriously don’t know what the hell I’m doing and know that I completely going about this the wrong way. So I think its time to ask you since you are the expert here.
    My Ex Narc refuses to send my personal belongings to me (Not just stupid clothes that can be replaced, but items pertaining to my livelihood)
    He says he will, then he says he won’t, then he threatens me and accuses/blames me, and mostly will not shut up about me leaving him.
    So, I lose it, say stupid (but truthful) things and then the war is on.
    Is this something that is going to pass and he will eventually cooperate, or do I have to kiss everything bye-bye? A lot of that cannot be replaced, and no I cannot get an attorney, I am completely destitute (I only left with $1300 that I “stole” from him).
    What do you recommend I do? What is the best way to approach this in the future, because I know he will want to fight over this again..
    PS: I was the aggressor this time, for sure and I apologize if I am appearing crass, I’m just red hot mad right now.
    Thank You

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. You are giving him fuel so he will eep provoking you. The belongings are just a device to provoke you and use for the purpose of hoovering.
      2. Send a straightforward e-mail (or letter keeping a copy) requesting delivery up of the items (list them if you can) and that you will arrange for a third party to collect them. State a sensible time and date when he will be in. Enlist third party.
      3. Have items collected.
      4. If he refuses, keep record of any refusal (have third party film if need be).
      5. Using this reasonable attempt and paper trail, speak to police. Some police forces will assist (others will not and will direct you to an attorney) but it can be a quick fix having a police officer attend and oversee the collection.

      You need to use the assistance of third parties because if you try he will just use the interaction to gain fuel (which is working) so you will get nowhere.

      1. Jody Allen says:

        Thank you, H.G.
        I know I was fueling him.. I can usually keep my cool, but I feel completely stretched beyond my limit. I Will take your advice. Thank you again.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Pleasure.

        2. Sharon Marinucci says:

          JODY ALLEN I WANTED TO GIVE MY NARCISSIST FUEL BUT I CALLED IT ENERGY ,I THOUGHT I NEEDED HIM I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO ABANDON ME ,I HAVE ISSUES WITH THAT, NOW I KNOW H. G. ,I WILL BE ALRIGHT !πŸ’ƒ

  8. June says:

    What percentage of the population would you estimate is narcissistic? Because with all the many, many narcissists that go their entire lives undiagnosed, I’m guessing the percentage is higher than the current statistics would say.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I agree and anecdotally I would suggest 1 in 6 people are.

      1. June says:

        And now I’m going to wonder about every asshole I meet. πŸ˜€ Anybody too charming will be open to speculation as well.

        What? Narcissists aren’t the only ones that get bored, and this seems like it could be a fun mental game. πŸ™‚

  9. Indy says:

    Hi HG,

    You like lists. I actually giggle when I hear you do your lists on YouTube. (Me being more of an ADHD, go with the flow type, it makes me chuckle.) Not a criticism, as it is effective in communicating complex information that is full of detail. It just strikes me as a pronounced quality in your writing, how organized, listed in its proper place.

    Are you an exceptionally organized man?
    Everything has its place, all neat in files, organized….down to your food in the pantry.

    I am guessing yes.

    Indy, Narc-wannabe.
    PS, if I were a Narc, what kind would I be? (probably a starving one)…lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am organised yes. It is important to be effective to have things in their place and for them to know their place too. I create chaos but I am not chaotic. I do not iron my socks or underwear though.

      PS I would laugh too much contemplating you possibly being a narcissist to be able to hit the correct keys to identify a type.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Awwww, that was actually a very sweet compliment to Indy!!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is a fact.

      2. ava101 says:

        “A place for everything and everything in its place.” Like in that horror movie. The one where the protagonist realizes that everything is like at home – again. Just like I kept re-enacting childhood dramas like I was a ghost.

      3. Indy says:

        Are there people that iron socks? I never understood people that iron bed sheets either. In fact, I hate irons. LOL

        Hmmm, I can fanaticize being a narcissist. I would be the undercover one. The one that takes you by surprise, and in my absent mindedness, forget to collect the fuel.

        I could be the positive fuel only narc! Oh wait….that’s a co-dependent. Shoot. Foiled again.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They do.

          A broadsheet newspaper of course must be ironed. Removes the wrinkles but more importantly prevents the ink from getting onto one’s fingers.

          1. Indy says:

            Ironing newspapers? Wow, I learned something new!I had to look that up to make sure you were not messing with me! Lol Socks and newspapers…
            Butlers do this, I read. Do regular people (people without butlers) do this too?

            I am but a simple girl from the mountains of Vermont lol…

      4. ANK says:

        For some reason I now have a picture of you HG, standing at the ironing board in your socks and silky boxer shorts πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜Œ

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well if it works for you ANK, it works for you!

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        high executive functioning psychopath!

        Woot woot! Love it 😜

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      Indy…

      Obviously you would wanna be a greater elite like me 😜…

      We could get into so much trouble together lol!

      1. Indy says:

        Hi Doc,
        Indeed we would get into all sorts of mischief! I only need a tiny bit of encouragement, hardly any at all, and all my impulsive impishness comes out!

        (I “blame it on the ADD”, as that AWOLNATION song goes…lol).

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        I’ll give you a nice little nudge in the right direction lmao! Blame it on the ADD lol 😜

        As an individual with ADHD (as you know) I find that my reasons for getting involved with psychopaths and narcissists are different from other people’s…

        I do realize I check off all those sitting target boxes but I’m certainly not gullible.

        I’ve just always needed that higher level of stimulation. I do know that ADHD people have a very high divorce rate. I honestly wonder (and would desperately like to believe) a healthier person could catch and hold my attention. I know a lot of people seem to have this issue now after being with cluster b personalities but I think it probably is even worse in my situation because I really do need higher levels of stimulation…

        Thoughts?

        I find dating impossible now – I get so bored….

        What’s insanely strange is that I really am a psychopath and narcissist magnet. I don’t seem to attract ones that are as high functioning as HG but then again he is a rare one. I have ones that no joke come up to me – know nothing about me and within a few minutes I get them telling me what they are. Some don’t know what they are they just know there is something wrong ….lots of these narcissists think they are sociopaths…

        Then of course I do get sociopaths but it’s just strange – I wonder if you get the same thing?

        I’m really confused what it is about me that these people are targeting if they don’t know anything about me at all…

        Once they start talking to me they know I know what they are and the conversation turns … some still try to “ensare” me others give up… but this sounds batshit … it’s almost as if there is a respect for me when I call them out on it. Some believe that I am like them. None of the ones I have come across have any real desire to change or fill the void they have.

  10. Mona says:

    I have to add: He tried a last malice hoover. (I think, that was his aim.)

  11. Mona says:

    K,
    after being discarded, I met him in a cafe once again. He tried a last hoover. We talked about this and that and then he told me that his next IPPS wanted to marry him. But he does not want to. But he was sure, she would do it. Ugh! Then I said very loudly, so that everyone could listen to it: “Yes, I know, that you have problems with relationships. That is normal, because you have such a bad family.” (He smiled).”I know, that you come from a family, where sexual abuse is normal. Your father always looked at your girl-friends. It is terrible, when your own father is pedophile. And your mother – yes, she looked through the window, when you had your first sex. You are such a victim of your family. I am so sorry for you. Maybe, she (the new IPPS) is the right one for you” (He did not smile anymore).
    I only told the truth- the empath in me had to be honest. At that moment he was very submissive. I smeared him and he did – nothing. On our way home he even tried to kiss me. I do not understand that crazy behaviour. Maybe he was shocked- his little, stupid victim smeared him in public. I broke all rules.
    I forgot, if that happened before or after he had said to me : “You are on a par with me. We together could reign ….” Maybe, I should have given him the whip and he would have been happy. I am not proud of my behaviour , but I do not regret it. My little devil inside of me wants to be seen and wants to recognised as a part of me…

    1. K says:

      Mona
      It feels so good when you tell the truth and let everyone know (even strangers in a cafe) what pigs/pedophiles/perverts they (or their family) are. Their behavior is really interesting to observe, even more so, now that we know they are narcissists, because all they really want is fuel. His family is sexually deviant. Although their behavior is bizarre and unacceptable in our world, they can’t see it because they are fuel junkies looking for their next high. As empaths it is our duty to ALWAYS tell the truth. You broke “his” rules because you won’t let him control you anymore and I am proud of your behavior and you should be too.

  12. K says:

    1. Trust: you broke my heart. Trust me! I will see you in Hell.
    2. Honesty: I told all your suppliers about your incestuous-pedophiliac relationship. I really DO believe in honesty.
    3. Decency: The only decent thing to do was tell your IPPS’s mother about your relationship with her son. She said, “He is like a pedophile.”
    4. Equality: you treated me like shit so I will treat you like shit. It is only fair.
    5. Fidelity: you are a whore so I had low expectations of you to begin with.
    6. Tenacity: this is my favorite one! I will not give up until you are annihilated.
    7. Healing: I will make the situation better for me by taking you down. That will make the angry “me” really happy!
    8. Hating: “My hate is immense. Vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir in the world, my hate is that.”

    1. ANK says:

      Hear Hear K!

      1. K says:

        Huzzah! ANK

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      I like your spirit, K! I think you may be a bigger Super Tanker than me.

      1. K says:

        MLA – Clarece
        Thank you. We can team up and be Super Tankers together! Anger is a great motivator.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Indeed! Angry bitches get shit done!!

    3. Bel says:

      Love it K , very cleverly written πŸ‘

      1. K says:

        Bel,
        Thank you! It felt so wicked to write it.

    4. Indy says:

      Wow K!
      I could feel your intensity all the way down in Georgia!! I really like your desire for justice. I can hear Christina Aguilera singing “Fighter” as I read it πŸ™‚

      1. K says:

        Indy
        Thank You! I am from the North East and I am wicked pissed! I want to turn him into itty-bitty-tiny-little dust motes. “Fighter’ can be my theme song. Great suggestion!

        1. Indy says:

          K! I grew up in Vermont and went to college in Mass. Where up there? 😊

      2. K says:

        Indy
        Vermont is beautiful. I live in Massachusetts. Do you like living in the south? Are people friendlier there?

        1. Indy says:

          Hi K,

          I have been in the south for 20 years. Atlanta is different from “The South” in that it is an international city with lots of people from all over, including lots of northerners. What I have learned is that Southerners are slower paced in many ways (less rat-race mentality in academia and business than say Boston). The Southern “charm” has rubbed a tiny bit off on me. I love it when a child calls me “miss Indy” and says “yes, ma’am”.

          However, in other ways I see a “faΓ§ade of nice” in the traditional or upper classes of true South, I really do not like it. It is fake and too sweet, like the overly sweet tea. At first I thought, WTH, this woman just called me “precious”: and “sweetness” and doesn’t know me. Now, I know that is just how some people talk and it is nice social grease, but means nothing. I prefer a person who is openly a jackass over a fake friend any day. I miss looking down at the pavement, walking briskly while ignoring the walkers by (a northern custom LOL ). However, I have a dark side to me that this sunny place doesn’t feed into. That is actually a good thing. It helps with my battles with depression. I haven’t really relapsed in a very long time (many years). Perhaps it is all that sun and “sweetness” I feel and hear.

          Still got the Northern in me, though give me a sweet southern accent, a Matthew McConaughey accent in that movie “A Time To Kill” and I may just slightly smile….just a little.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        In true ADHD … ODD style lmao

        Enjoy 😜

        https://youtu.be/Nh2YmM3YqvI

        1. Indy says:

          Hahaha! Yes, they always forget what an impulsive strong woman looks like!

          This video kind of shows how I feel sometimes, (innocent looking and always underestimated, yet with skillz)…
          (I go for their weak spot after being fucked with, their freedom. I had one committed πŸ˜‚
          https://youtu.be/-uQOkA8zuMk

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        And a sprinkle of some conduct disorder 😜

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        I liked that clip. I can totally relate lol!
        😎

      6. Love says:

        Hi y’all,

        Lol Indy that was for you πŸ˜‰
        I tell ya, after being in London, New York is a walk in the park. People are so busy in London that they don’t even look up from their phones when walking. Everyone was nice and responsive when asked a question but it was hard catching them when they went 100 miles a second. It made me nostalgic of the South where hellos and smiles are a given with anyone you pass in the street. And the men in the South are still more gentlemanly: opening doors, stepping back and letting a lady through first.
        I admit, I like to hear a ‘y’all come back now, you hear?’ every so often πŸ˜‰

        1. HG Tudor says:

          London is not representative of the United Kingdom. It is a city state in itself made up of the rich, the grasping and the underclass.

          1. Love says:

            Very true. I am sure life is much different outside of London. The city is such a melting pot that it did not give me an actual taste of England. I think one needs a month or more to properly explore the UK.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            #Londonfunfacts

        2. Indy says:

          Hi Love,
          Welcome back, sweetie pie (a bit of Southern for ya)! Never been to England though it sounds like Boston in that respect, though if NYC is s piece of cake, shoot child! They must have rockets on their bumsπŸ˜‚
          Not all southern men are chivalrous, though I too love it 😍 Yesssss, I am all for women being treated equally, though there is something special about being treated with such gentle care. I’m a sucker for it.

          So, what countries did you see and any fun romantic or even more juicy stories?! *Chin on hands* as I settle in to listen. come y’all it’s story time πŸ˜‰πŸ˜Šβ€οΈ

          Hugs welcome home!

          1. Love says:

            Thank you Indy! Lol at rockets on their bums. πŸ˜‚ Yes there are! I went to Belgium, Holland, Scotland, and England. All beautiful places and nice people. Lol, what more juice do you need than the Red Light District in Amsterdam? πŸ˜‰ BTW, the going rate is 50 euro for 20 min. Which is mind boggling to me. Why so cheap?!? Sad that these gorgeous women are charging so little. Hopefully they upcharge somewhere in that 20 min. The funny thing is I did not feel a dark seedy vibe. Everybody was chill and happy – perhaps because of the scents in the air Lol. It seemed very family friendly. πŸ˜€

          2. Indy says:

            Ahhh yesss, Amsterdam!! My Mecca…bows to the north east😊 You are such a sweet empath, noticing that they need to up their price. Though, that is super cheap!
            Hit any of the cafesπŸ˜‰
            Sounds like a lovely trip, Love!

          3. Love says:

            Yes, I frequented many a coffee shop there. πŸ˜‹
            I’m all about equality of the working woman πŸ˜€

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Indy,

        Omg hold the fuck up lmao!!!!!!!!!!

        You had one committed?

        I fucking love you……….

        Standing ovation πŸ‘

        You’re my hero!

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Love,

        I have a really important question….

        Meet any sexy men?????

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, I was out of the country.

      9. Love says:

        You were out of town Mr. Tudor? No wonder I couldn’t find you! I searched all over! And you’ve changed your tower code! I tried typing in 1909 in every castle we’d visit. Security kept escorting me out. 😭

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha. If only you had entered Windsor.

          1. Love says:

            You were in Windsor???? Darn it! I could have scaled the wall when they were doing the guard change! Ah! Missed opportunity! 😭

    5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      K,

      I enjoyed this post…

      That’s the spirit lol

      We would be such great friends lol!!!

      1. K says:

        Dr.Q PsyD
        From one outlier to another, we would absolutely be great friends. Better to be full of mischief than be a couch potato! Life is short, I say hang on and enjoy the ride!

      2. K says:

        Indy
        When I think of Atlanta, I think of the CDC and The Walking Dead. I know what you mean when you prefer someone who is openly a jackass over a fake friend. I would rather be stabbed in the face than behind my back, at least you know where you stand. I am so used to people walking briskly by, ignoring everyone, that when someone says, “Hi, how are you?” I sometimes get suspicious of their motives. Why so friendly? I think. Occasionally, I say, “You aren’t from around here, are you?”

        Matthew McConaughey’s accent is awesome and I love Harry Connick Jr’s too. A Time to Kill was a great movie and the book was excellent, as well. My sister lives in NM and she still gets teased for her accent but she says, “Dang.” And then I tease her. I told her to move back before she loses her accent completely.
        Depression is difficult and I am happy that you haven’t had a relapse in years. Knock-on-wood! Many people struggle with it and some famous people have spoken up about their battles with depression. Many people don’t talk about it; hopefully the stigma of depression will disappear soon.

        Enjoy all that sun and sweetness!!!

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        K,

        I love how you used the word outlier to describe us. I use that too!

        I’ve learned that I am different and I just embrace it.

        I’m representing New York over here 😎

        Indy,

        I always wanted to live in the south for awhile because people seemed so friendly there lol!

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        K,

        Everyone needs a little ‘trouble’ now and then….lol

        we can’t be good all the time now can we? Lol

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        K,

        In a world full of heathers be a Veronica lol 😜.

        I consider myself very much a Veronica

        https://youtu.be/hS_N9impSL0

  13. mightnpower says:

    HG, do your kind ever get involved with normals and/or people who are made easily jealous but are capable of cheating? Would you put up with them if they gave you negative fuel (jealousy/resentment)? How long would they sustain you? Would you class them as “easier targets to ensnare” because they were insecure/jealous/immature?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We do. It is rare for the normal to become an IPPS however. Jealousy is a trait which all people have, in varying degrees and a very empathic person may also be very jealous but for the most part it is kept in check but their other traits – for example, they are jealous of their friend’s success, but since the empath is decent and honest, they know that person has worked hard for that success and deserves it, thus this keeps the jealousy in check. We of course cause the erosion of certain traits and the heightening of others so that the trait of jealousy may well become the overriding one with the negative fuel which flows from that. The sustenance depends on other factors in the fuel matrix. Having someone driven to the point where they are repeatedly jealous and thus erupt will prove useful in drawing negative fuel, smearing them (see how possessive she is!). Immaturity and jealousy are not traits which make them easier to ensnare, insecurity is.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        now is it jealousy or not tolerating being disrespected?

        I don’t get jealous … I won’t tolerate being disrespected.

        I’d be like you want that hoe? Be my guest – go get her – bye bitch. Lol

        One time years ago…

        I was at a party and walked in on this guy who liked me oh so much hooking up with this younger slut. He didn’t see that I saw them both. I remember then knockignon the door as if I didn’t see anything and that motherfucker acted all normal yet started flirting with the girl in front of me. I walked out of the room – bored and obviously insulted at the level of ridiculousness – he followed me into another room…I called him out calmly.

        His dick I shit you not was still out of his pants and he’s yelling at me saying I drove him to it lol. He also clearly had the intent on getting me mad – I just started laughing and said dude have a ball you can have that hoe and by the way your dick is still out of your pants … carry on peasant.

        He looked very um confused…

        I also didn’t really give a shit about him so I’m sure that helped lmao.

        The point is … I don’t see myself as getting jealous – I see it as I won’t be disrespected lol!

  14. ANK says:

    A painful read. We get punished for being good….

  15. Mona says:

    Sometimes I have the idea, that your kind tries to break us to prove yourself, that you are not weak, because you have been broken a long time ago/ before. Then your kind is satisfied and has the confirmation, that is is not your guilt. (Inside you still have the deep shame, that it could have been your guilt, although you know intellectually, that is wrong). Totally twisted. Your kind should know and realise, that every one is broken after a long time of abuse, or he/she leaves the situation. To leave the situation is only possible, when you are grown up. Not as a child without help! I will never understand, why your kind wants to be the same devil like your parents. Your kind complains about their behaviour, but do the same.
    In your special case, HG, the only exception I see, is that blog here. Here you break your own rule to exploit other people. Well and you acknowledge, that “doing a good job with cognitive empathy” can be successful too, which is one of your primary aims. It is possible to be successful and “good.” !
    Someone on this blog said, that narcissism is your fate. That is true. It is your chance to break out of your own devastating cycle.

  16. CM says:

    Why don’t you prey upon the ones who deserve it?

    1. CM says:

      *who deserve it

      1. CM says:

        Oops! Never mind.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Oh but I do.

      1. Indy says:

        Well, when you are in narc mind-set, of course, right? They somehow wronged you or disappointed you in the fuel quality. But….you are able to shift points of view (unlike mids and lessers).

        HG, you are capable of thinking in both realms. Taking the perspective of the non-narcissist as well as the narcissist. This fact confuses things when we are discussing you, specifically. I do recall you mentioning to me about the “moral mazes” you follow and the contradictions are part of you. I get it….and don’t get it…at the same damn time!!

        HG, do you think for you, it is not a matter of IF you can change your point of view, but a matter of if you are motivated to?

      2. 12345 says:

        Remember “it” girl, CM? HG avenged his brother and she definitely deserved it.

  17. Jody Allen says:

    Thank you, H.G. for describing me to the letter. It warms my heart to be described in such a scientific way.
    However, there is another side to me that you didn’t mention, or did mention that I have not read or listened to yet, (since you are the greatest well of information and it’s quite hard to keep up when I’ve only just begun my journey here) and that is:
    I can be explosive when I’ve been pushed too far. There is a razor thin edge to me that when I begin to feel that this has gone too far, and our relationship feels like a bad rerun, and I have been taken too far advantage of…I begin to pick up the pieces of me and put myself back together, until there is nothing but crumbs left for you in return..It has happened every time since I was 16. Except this one…this one devistates me, my heart is thoroughly broken, and I feel like I’m going to die from need. It is left unfinished, and you know that I cannot stand that.
    Oh, I will be nice about it without fakery (because I love you), I will not fight about it because I have nothing left to fight for. I will just be done. I will walk away knowing that in my heart I tried above and beyond to love and fix you and have a beautiful and fulfilling future with, but you just don’t get it, or deserve me.
    I don’t know what kind of empath that makes me, I’ve been questioning that all along in this journey, but I do possess all of the described Empathetic properties. I hope that you will enlighten me, or lead me in the direction of a post/video that I haven’t come upon yet..I am so very lost.

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