Poll – Which School of Narcissist Have You Been Ensnared By?

POLL

Which type of school (not cadre) of narcissist have you been entangled with? Chances are it is more than one, if so, pick the most recent. If you want to read more about where they might fit within those schools do read the following articles which will shed more light

The Lesser Narcissist

The Greater Narcissist

The Mid-Range Narcissist

You will also find these useful

The Fuel Matrix – Part One

The Fuel Matrix – Part Two

The Fuel Matrix – Part Three

If you are unsure still, either select the one you think is closest or opt for don’t know.

Thank you for participating.

 

Which school of narcissist have you been ensnared by? (More than one? Choose most recent)

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93 thoughts on “Poll – Which School of Narcissist Have You Been Ensnared By?”

  1. Unfortunately have met a “greater”…my own father. Also brought a 16 year entanglement with a middle greater to an end recently.

    Your blog has been very useful Mr Tudor.

      1. Mine ex was a cop aggressive alpha male ,body-builder etc, nice car house etc. What kind of narc is he

  2. Oh, and just a suggestion-if it’s possible to do so (I don’t know if it is in this website format) maybe you could provide boxes to check instead of a system that only allows you to select a single option. Because a lot of people here have encountered more than one type of narcissist. And allowing readers to check ALL the types they have met rather than having to pick one might produce more accurate results on the ratios. 🙂

  3. Ooh, time to speculate! This sounds like fun! 😀

    So let’s see…

    Grandfather-Mid Lesser

    Stable mediocre job, but kept his wife and kids in line through fear and violence (lacking the charm or intelligence to find any other way to do it). When he even THOUGHT he or his authority was being criticized, it was time for a beatdown.

    Father-Upper Mid Range

    Successful career on Wall Street, prides himself on being intelligent, educated, and informed, seemingly an attentive father but great pleasure in subtly playing me/my brother/my mother against each other. Can hold a grudge like no-one I’ve ever seen. Knew EXACTLY what he was doing in keeping me and my brother in line with the threat of removing his approval-I heard him discuss it as a strategy with a friend, saying how utilizing it allowed him to make us the most well-behaved children around without ever raising a hand to us. I almost classified him as a Greater…but he’s NOT above a pity play if one is needed.

    Uncle-Lesser Lesser

    No job, drug addict, alcoholic, in and out of prison, a beach bum who lives on a welfare and yet thinks he’s some kind of religious prophet. Beats and stalks his girlfriends. Yeah, I wish I was kidding. 🙂

    Brother-Lower Greater

    Extremely popular with straight A’s in school and plenty of extracurricular activities. Charming, funny, and intelligent. Excellent debater who can verbally destroy nearly anyone (and does so readily when his massive ego is threatened). He IS above apologizing…to anyone, though he will use humor, charm, and sometimes an explanation without an apology to smooth things over when needed. Most of the time he has a good hold on his temper, and is even a camp counselor. But if you dare to, say, actually beat him at a game, beware of his violent and explosive temper. Not heeding this warning will be perilous to your possessions and, in some cases, your body. He HAS to WIN.

  4. I thought he was a lesser… but there were things that were definitely planned… there were things he did that sunk him into the lesser branch if too many narc injuries and not enough fuel… most of it would have been probably mid-range, maybe…

    he knew some of what he was doing… he seemed to not know why or what he is…

    he sure day dreamed about being a greater narc though…

    as for refining it to upper, middle or lower… it makes my brain hurt to even try…

    as I’ve pointed out before, it changes nothing of what was done to me to know which cadre he is from…

    so does it really matter that much?

    As long as I understand there are differences and what they are and can fend off narcs as a whole, I think the level of conscious versus subconscious matters very little.

  5. I went with Upper Lesser, because he’s not intelligent ( dropped out of school in 10th grade) but he’s never been financially dependent. He does own a small business as well but it only does business once a year. He also gets violent. He uses everyone.. Will call on them when he needs something and replace them when they are not fitting into his current interests. For some reason though these people go right back to being best buddies with him if he calls on them.
    He does rely mostly on the pity party however. Him and mommy never cut the umbilical cord….

  6. Dated some and married one, all mid range but I didn’t have a clue. Hated them all, they didn’t affect me. Then along came a greater, I was completely infatuated, briefly addicted to him. He inadvertently educated me about narcs and sociopaths. So most likely people who come here that are most affected or messed up mentally would’ve encountered upper mid range or greater. Ex-husband is one evil PiTA but as he’s mainly low/middle mid range he doesn’t bother me emotionally at all. Only my last greater messed me up enough for me to search it up. Typical empath, I’ve already wiped slate clean, forgiven and forgotten. I don’t remember him much even of I tried to, even though it’s only been a short few weeks. No desire whatsoever to know or hear from him, blocked him everywhere. I begrudgingly say “thanks, HG” – I was already fine but his book cured me of the very last bit of my addiction to this greater narc.

    1. Totally agree!
      “…middle mid range he doesn’t bother me emotionally at all. Only my last greater messed me up enough for me to search it up.”

      I would never find this place or narcissism at all, if my life was not turned upside down by greater after all the previous narc experiences. Have seen all the types (thankfully, the Lesser aggressor was not dated)…

      The energy level of mid-range and greater are so much different!
      Exactly, when you met both of them, the difference is obvious and damage level is of no comparison. Nothing even close to each other.
      where mid is just annoying and boring (while pretty damaging anyway), the greater leaves total mess, takes the heart, the soul, the meaning of life, the brain and sanity for a dessert ///
      Mystical, not from this world, demonic, with crazy energy…
      and the cherry on top – that understanding who he is…

  7. I voted MMR. It’s so hard because I see traits of all three. Last week I thought upper mid but the more I read I think just mid. The sympathy card is what sealed it for me. I knew him for 6 years and never noticed this side of him but within the last 6 months he has really laid on the “poor me” act. Another thing that throws me off is his references to having narcissist traits. He knows he has them but I don’t think he truly knows what a narcissist is. And I have not enlightened him.

  8. I have been trying to put mine in a category and can’t seem to do it. I met him at a conference. I can only guess he sent his posse of Lieutenants to find me at one of the hotel bars, before gallantly showing up. He seemed to be the maestro of a well orchestrated circus. He was going through a divorce (I confirmed it), lived in a different city where I went to high school. He is intelligent and manipulative – an executive at his firm. I was at a bad place in my marriage and was seduced by his promises of a better life. The funny thing of it all is that I have always been known for how careful I was at selecting my boyfriends… My friends would always tell me “You are so beautiful and intelligent, you could pick anyone”, but behind the armor I have always know that I fall hard. Truthfully, I didn’t even remember meeting at the conference but when he showed up at the bar he made it seem like we had known each other forever, how beautiful I was, magic you know. He flew in and out of town during the golden period and then it all abruptly came to a halt… after I had asked my husband for a divorce. That was a year ago. He has since been in and out. The few times we have met I have told myself I would end it, I had to end it, I had to be powerful enough to have the last word… it always follows the same pattern and I leave our “meetings” feeling like I have just been hypnotized and wake up with a hangover of “how can I let this happen?”. It is mostly a long distance emotional roller coaster with physically charged encounters. I know I can’t see him again, because I feel no control over what happens to me… I can at least be this honest with myself.

  9. UMR. For those of you who are uncertain, the easiest and fasted way to identify who ensnared you is by email and private consults with HG. That’s how I was able to figure it out.

  10. My latest one would be an upper mid-ranger, somatic. I love his intelligence, and how charming he can be. He is very good looking, ridiculously sexy, and passionate and the chemistry is very intense, unlike anything I have experienced before. The games he plays are exhausting and he can’t ever allow me to be who I am, that threatens him. He has to be in control at all times and most definitely the puppet master, for sure. It has been a challenge for me to stay away. I keep reminding myself none of it is real. I also know that there are other women, besides me, and always will be. I would never have him to myself. He is on his phone constantly, couldn’t survive without it. Reading these posts everyday and being a part of this community has saved me so far, so thank you all!! One day at a time

  11. Are any of these poll results a surprise to you HG?

    I only know what mine was because you told me – although I believe I had a good idea having read Sitting Target at the time.

    And does it annoy you that it’s the Mid-Rangers that top the bill? I recall you mentioning that you are disdainful of Mid-Rangers (In the WNAAD interview?)

    1. At the time of replying the order as per voting looks like this (Most votes first)
      MMR, UMR, UG, MG, LMR, LG, DK, UL, ML, LL

      I am not surprised by two mid range positions leading as Mid Rangers are a large number of our kind. Furthermore, I anticipate that most people who would find something out about narcissism and therefore be on my blog, will be the type who have encountered Mid Range Narcissists.
      The 3rd and 4th positions are occupied by Greater categories. Again, I am not surprised to see that because I anticipated people will pick Greater even though we are very rare. I consider there will be inaccurate selections within this and therefore these two categories should be lower in reality.
      As a proportion of the narcissist populace the Lesser categories ought to be higher, but I again am not surprised by their position in the bottom three. This will be because those who have encountered narcissists, realised it and also would comment about it would actually be less likely to have encountered Lessers AND I suspect there is an element of not wanting to admit being ensnared by a Lesser. Thus, they should be higher given their number as a whole however owing to the poll respondents demographic this has reduced their votes.
      The order (based on my experience) would be
      MMR, LMR, UMR, ML, LL, UL, LG, MG, UG

      It doesn’t annoy me as to it being MRs that top the bill, I expected that.

      1. I registered elements of the other schools… but the incredible sulk the absent silent treatments albeit short-lived.. repeated pity plays, continual blame shifting and projection.. I am sure I was correct choosing MMR.
        Moody insecure unable to accept responsibility in anyway for own behaviour… at first plenty of apologies. when I Began to see through them they stopped.. they returned during hoovering..
        Him ‘trying to reinstate’ what for me was a semi golden period..I never really had a golden period..neither bronze..
        An inbetweener thing.
        Facinating stuff.. still, I’m sighing..
        Bit exasperating really. Exhausting isn’t it.
        The ups and downs of the healing days..at least the tide is turned to the ups and onwards days for me, but I’m in a quiet mood of OMG and WTF etc….the ‘I cant believe its come to this!!’ type of week this week is.. 😩😡😞😒🤔😐😴

        Onwards though.
        What else is there to do but push forward.
        🐾
        🐾

      2. I have covered the land of lessers and mids. You are the first Greater I’ve known. I refuse to give my psychopath the title of Greater because he does not deserve the honor. In chronological order, from most recent to oldest:
        MMR, LL, bat shit crazy psycho, UMR, LMR, UL, ML…
        And that was as of last Tuesday – joke 😉

      3. Hmmm. Interesting perspective at the results HG. And you are absolutely right… admitting to being ensnared by a mere lesser, well , it is a tough pill to swallow and a bit embarrassing 🙄

      4. To come across this blog, to analyze deep enough what have been happened, to dig into the narcissism concept – all this requires some level of education. So the sample of population on this blog is skewed a priori according to population in general. To say, this is thinking part of victims, or scientific oriented part.

        No wonder this part of population tend to encounter less Lessers and more other types of narcs.

        Also pure Somatics are expected to suck with this sample: they will be wounded by victims’ intellect, they don’t like to.
        Pure somatic narcs prefer pure somatic victims – not here. They are to busy to read all this! Too much spa tasks to keep goddess body in tact etc…

  12. I chose lower greater. I know he is a sociopath or psychopath and highly calculating. His mind is pure evil. Highly secretive and greedy with money. His face can change from a puppy to a pissy hyena. He hasn’t figured I can tell his facial expression now. He can’t be trusted for me. He’s not violent with me. His contact list is everyone he comes in contact with. Weird. He could be a mid or upper but I don’t know for sure. I just devalued him to lower because I can. Thank you HG.

    1. I read about the greaters and I’m changing my husband to upper greater. Because of several traits matching him and one being

      “it is the psychological games which appeal to the puppet master that is the UGN and he revels in devising traps for the hapless victim to blunder into.” Freak. He’s dangerous for the minds of victims.

  13. Can someone please explain to me where they are finding these upper greaters lmao?

    1. Doc,
      Hahaha…yes.
      Perhaps Hahvahd Yahd, Yale, or the FBI or D.C. (Well, not this term 😉

    2. I’m unclear what category my ex husband fell under . He was extremely cunning and cruel even to he’s own children . My ex partner ,I possibly think was a greater he pointed out my first husband was a narcissist and even predicted the periods between hoovering . So do you think maybe a greater HG ?

  14. Pretty sure my kids father is a lower mid range? Mostly used silent treatment, it could go on for nearly 2 weeks. He did beat me up a fair few times if I argued with him when he was caught on dating sites or messaging other woman or if I really got in his face during silent treatment (didn’t know what was going on at the time). We did split for a while in between that and I dated another guy who I now realise was a greater, he was 50 at the time and twice my age. My kids father to this day still mentions him on a nearly daily basis even though it was over 2 years ago. I was wondering if my ex being a mid-range not knowing what he is, would he still sense another narcissist? Never seen him so jealous of anyone in our whole relationship (9 years, a few break ups with us both dating other people) we are broken up now but living in the same house because of financial reasons. He can date who he wants, I have no interest in the greater narc either. Why does he still bring him up nearly everyday?

  15. Hmmm… if a narcissist has a menial job and is broke poor and uses other people’s resources,does that automatically make him a lesser? The ex was very cunning and manipulative and carefully planned his antics. He said he actually chose not to work much because he was ” too good” to do slave labour for ” pompus fake minions” as he put it. He was holding out to become a famous rock star but didn’t have any musical talent. And… he is 51…In most ways he seemed like a mid range, but traits of a lesser…drank too much, lacked self control, raged, but never saw himself as a victim. He was too good for that.

  16. Mine was an Upper Mid-Ranger. Very charming, persuasive, intellectual, somatic, well thought of, senior management role etc. I would have felt threatened if he had acted with the force of a Greater. With him, I felt completely safe. A fallacy.

  17. I dated a couple mid rangers in college, mother is also mid range. I married a victim midrange and then… this last one took the cake! He’s the one who opened my eyes and was the most f’d up. Middle midrange. You’d never think narc looking at him. He is cute, but not sexy nor smooth. He looks like a big dork, he’s a school teacher and is charming and you’d assume he was a sheltered Christian guy if you didn’t know his past of cheating. What he was capable of Blew. My. Mind! Still does. Mental Illness to the Max.

  18. Hello HG!!!
    I have tried to put my ex in a category since I joined this blog.
    Above anything else she was Charming!!!!
    She used many of the manipulations of the mid- rangers but was way more calculating and did plenty of scheming. Way too charming to fit just in this range. Sex was another of the biggest manipulations. I would have never understood this without your book on the topic.
    Every move was thought of. She has an extensive toolkit and used everything that she could. She observed me for some time and figured out with ease what would give her the most positive and negative fuel. She paid attention to every detail of my life and picked out what she could take advantage of.
    Her triangulation skills were flawless. I still am amazed at how she got her fiancé to accept her plan on marrying me also. We were both blind. I have to admit it was a game that she played brilliantly. She was sooo close.
    I do believe she knows what she is and that would make her a greater. Her intelligence is nowhere near someone like you HG and that’s why I wouldn’t put her any higher.
    I did take a look at the above articles again and still not sure but it’s what I came up with.
    As usual you know more about myself and my ex than I do. Lol
    Thanks for all the knowledge HG

  19. I only interacted with him at work, but my guess is that he is a middle mid ranger because he sucked me in with a pity play. I went no contact. Then he tried another pity play. I learned my lesson. Pity plays don’t work anymore.

  20. I seem to have run the gamut — think I’ve been involved with a lesser, a mid-range and a greater, although the longest (and therefore most damaging) relationship was with the mid-range. I seem to be inordinately attracted to narcs. Is it because I’m a Super Empath? Does that make me more vulnerable or a more attractive target? All I know is I’m glad I didn’t take things any further with that charming man I met on my last trip to London, whose voice sounded a lot like you-know-who’s. HG, were you having coffee in Russell Square Gardens in May of 2007?

      1. Great Ormond St Hospital? That seems uncharacteristic. Well, I don’t recall this gentleman saying a lot about himself. He was mainly interested in talking about me — the mark of a good seducer. And he had a very sexy voice.

  21. Greater. Hottest, sexiest and most dangerous man I’ve ever been involved with. Like Zeus, he was the epitome of romance one moment or hurling thunderbolts at enemies the next. Passionately insane for certain. There were times I was so scared of him I visibly trembled and also times I was so blinded by his charm I melted. God I was fucked up.

  22. Can an upper mid range be a sociopath, and will they have similar awareness? Or is it only for the greaters to be sociopaths or psychopath?

  23. I voted as asked.
    The main thing is you lot are dangerous regardless of where you lay in this.
    So now I don’t waste any time over identification of where they lay, they are just fucked up individuals. I mean no disrespect, I know very well that childhood experiences impact on them, as it does on us as empaths. However, they are repeating this cyclical behaviour. I have had my Awakening and am adjusting to a new life of sorts. I just really hope that DR Clean can be of assistance to you HG. There are many empaths out there who do not know what they are as well as many narcs. I see it so clearly now.
    Thank you HG, and best of luck.
    But leave DR Clean alone 😂😂

    1. A fair point and whilst identifying a category of school is not the be all and end all, it does assist in terms of understanding why certain things occurred to bring about closure and if there is an ongoing situation how best to address it. I make no warranties as to Dr O, but thank you for your good wishes.

      1. I agree with you, it certainly does assist and I thank you for that as well as lots more information. I did identify from your information but then I started thinking could be this could be that then thought what the hell do I care I’m out. I don’t need a narc anymore thankfully as I am complete.
        Your welcome for my good wishes. I truly mean it as you deserve it even although you are a very very bad bad man. I understand that your childhood and intrinsic/genetic factors contributed.
        I see that you have to behave this way and we live in 2 different world’s, although they are the same.
        It is now time for me to depart this blog. So thank you for being of great assistance in my knowledge, but hey I take the credit as I did the work and have boundaries so high you would have to jump so fucking high to get in (just narcs). I benefitted from that 1 audio session, so onwards and upwards.
        Narcs are a thing of the past. It’s now MY life.
        HG go get yourself well. I hope the good Doctors sort you out. I will await those upcoming books as your life interests me.
        Take care

    2. Hi SVR, Do you mind me asking if you became aware that you were an empath by reading HG’s blog? That’s how I found out. Personally I thought empaths were born although I do see how the way you were raised can impact that. Thanks.

  24. My last was a middle mid-range. I’m very embarrassed he slipped under my nardar. I thought he was just pathologically shy with social problems (both true). Up until him I thought all narcs were overt. Now having studied narcissism more thoroughly, I realize I’ve always had covert narcs in my life. I just thought they were hateful jerks(also true).

  25. Real Quick:
    I’m in a different state right now, my daughter is having my first grandchild. And it would not have been possible if it wasn’t for my Lesser Narc ex -husband (Not the LGN that I’m still trying to get over). I know what you are thinking but before you rip me a new one, please understand that I felt completely obligated for my daughters sake (I already missed my oldest daughters wedding because of the ex husband and I could not bear to miss another important milestone in my children’s life 🙁 )
    I’ve handled him very well, so far, but last night he totally tried to make a move on me! His wife just left him and took everything (lol) He’s not even divorced, and knows how heartbroken I am over my LGN! Eww! I have none of those feelings toward him and am not even close to giving off any kind of vibe.
    Tell me what not to do so I can avoid any further incidences… I seriously was naieve enough to believe him when he said none of this would happen.

  26. I think both have been mid range. Both covert, the higher possibly somatic, the lower definitely cerebral.

    I married the higher mid… was with him 23 years, and had a relationship with the lower mid. Both were highly manipulative, emotionally detached, and intelligent. But the lower mid was quick to anger and had a menial job, whereas the higher mid was calmer and rose to the very top of his career. Having said that both were cowards and filled with self doubt about about their abilities.

  27. I know mine is mid range …. HG wasn’t mine like middle mid range? I mean he deludes himself but he knows there is something wrong and there is some plotting and planning on his part to deceive.

    “I was a compulsive liar”

    “I’m a cancer to everyone I meet”

    He said something in an email when we were fucking around – he comes off unassuming and innocent something like that…something about being Kamikaze pilot….

    Volunteers lies…. half lies sprinkled with truth…

      1. and my personal favorite line “I can’t cry”

      2. Dr Quinzel

        Lol he did show me a tear once, I just said said your in the wrong field of work, acting is your calling. We were discussing that picture of the many faces HG has used for an article.

      3. Twilight,

        I got a few bursts of crocodile tears in the five years. I will say I saw him cry once and he was like in shambles but it was over the fact he lost an important ticket when drunk.

      4. Dr Quinzel

        Lol never saw crocodile tears, I would have thought something seriously was wrong. Two was all I ever seen and that was durning this conversation we were having.
        I told him the one that loves the least controls. He told me he would get into my head, I told him he had best bring safety equipment. He smiled. I got up and went and made dinner.

  28. I was raised by a greater elite, married to a upper lessor with a family of mids and lessors, the first man I dated was an upper mid (after my husband died), my ex thou a cerebral greater.

    I will say thou the lastest greater elite I have come across may have stolen my heart from any others.
    Thank you HG! If it wasn’t for your honesty here, I would never have found the answer to a question I searched for, for a very longtime.

  29. I have to add one more thing, he was very evil and he knew it and he loved being that way. He is proud of what he is. Everything he did was calculated and planned to hurt in the highest degree. He was not rich but he was not poor and everything with him was a competition to be better than everyone else. Sometimes he would send pictures of himself to me and I swear I could see Satan behind his eyes. Then, for no apparent reason, he would send me a picture of him as a boy looking very sweet and innocent. Why?

    1. This is my narc in a nutshell! He likes to share his pics from his childhood too and initially i was touched but now i see it as a potential tactic to hook and bind.

  30. The last sociopath I was involved with was a mid-range. I didn’t think I had been involved with one before him until I found out what he was and educated myself about them. Now I realize there were others during the course of my life.

  31. I chose lower greater. Im pretty certain my narcs not a midrange bc hes not into pity plays but on the same token i dont see him as an upper greater either. One things for certain im sure he knows hes a narcissist and takes pride in it. He seems content with how hes been living his life and doesnt seem to let anyone affect him in that regard. He hides his emotions very well and the rare times hes showed sadness they seem faked(feel awful saying that). The awareness of his narcissism and the way he has used it to get by in life tells me hes very much aware of what he does. The fake sadness is unsettling. Id like to think its genuine but usually a hint is dropped that its been a put on. Almost in a way to say ..you fell for it didnt you. Of course i question myself which is what a narcissist wants.
    To sum it up i do think hes mastered the art of his narcissism and to some extent enjoys it so i think hes a greater as far as his cognitiveness goes and manipulating.

  32. LGN. Now I lnow for sure. I appreciate this article being put to me this way because it can get a little bit confusing having cross reference everything..I’m pretty smart, but sometimes I can be a little bit dense.

  33. The Lesser Victim most recently and the Mid-Range, formerly. I do not believe I have ever met a Greater, thus far.

  34. Is it even normal that after you spent four years with one, you have such difficulties telling what he is? Shouldn’t it be obvious? I know for sure he’s not a Lesser, but other than that I’m not sure about anything. I will stuff my face with some food and then return and read all the links again and hopefully I’ll find it easier to shed some light on this dark bastard.

    1. It can be difficult at times to identify especially when you can see elements from all three schools (which happens) and you are unsure of the prevailing school. Furthermore, you are of course unable to look at it objectively, for obvious reasons, which impacts on the analysis also.

      1. I voted for the Middle Greater but not 100% sure. It’s that I, as you say, lack objectivity but also that he’s told so many lies so who really knows the truth? He does run his own business, is successful, intelligent, highly educated and popular with most people – even though I noticed he never keeps people in his life for a long time. Whether they run away or he chooses to make them go, who really knows.
        I noticed on a couple of occasions that he seems odd in certain social situations. As in, he’s overzealous and doesn’t seem to get when people don’t want to communicate with him or when he’s just not that interesting. I’m introverted and don’t enjoy talking to strangers unless they tell me something interesting. I can remember two occasions where he started talking to someone – both men slightly older than me – and I could tell the men didn’t think much of him and were thinking “will that guy ever stfu”. They both started talking to ME and completely excluded him from the conversation. I don’t think it was because I’m a woman, but because he was just so weird. After I found your blog, I saw you say that you recognise other narcs and it made me think that maybe those two men were narcs as well and were disgusted by him. But maybe they were just regular people being annoyed.

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