75 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 77”

  1. Oooh! That’s bleak, HG. I don’t think it’s that bad (unless we’re trapped in a house and can’t get out, like when we were children). Really it’s more like we trap ourselves and create a sort of virtual mental prison of fear and confusion. Buts that’s really an illusion, don’t you think? In a way, we trap ourselves as much as the narc traps us. We’re our own jailer.

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    1. Windstorm I totally agree with your assessment. It got to the point where my every move was measured and made according to what mood narc was in. I was in restraints of my own making.

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    2. Windstorm2…this is my thoughts exactly we are our own jailkeeper. The narc senses were good supply in this respect that we are pliable and have cracks in who we are. I really think narcs and codependants are two sides of the same coin. I think all victims have codependancy issues of some sort and vulnerability that puts them in that jail. As time goes on so many things can keep them in that prison cell like financial dependancy, fear of physical abuse, fear of loss of children, so much of it fear based. Were also conditioned thru the abuse to stay behind the jail bars. Many develop stockholm syndrome as well and think their jail keeper is their friend and caregiver.

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      1. NarcAffair
        Very true. My exhusband had me convinced for years that if I left him I wouldn’t be able to make it and take.care of the children. He was adamant that he’d disappear into the hills of West Virginia and id never see him or get a dime from him.

        In hind sight, that was ridiculous. He never helped with the kids anyway. I had a good job with a steady income and all his family stood by me. When I finally did leave him, he never even moved out of the house!

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      2. Hi windstorm2…you rose above the fears he tried to put in your head and called his bluff that took all his power away!! 👍

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      1. MistyNolan

        Im sure they would disgree,but yes I do. The Narc is not a real person. The real person is a prisoner inside the construct that the Narc is slave to obtaining fuel for the maintenence of. They may not see it as a chore but it uses energy that they would prefer to reserve and they believe they can not exist without either fuel or the construct. That there is no escape from that (their claim),not only puts them under my definition of prisoner but shows where the real power lies (inside the construct). Unless of course they want to prove me wrong by trying isolation to show that they will not cease to exist-just not in the way they choose to,

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  2. The narcs are prisoners to fuel. I may have been thrown in narc jail for a brief time but I’ll walk free, unencumbered by the abyss and fully aligned with reality.

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  3. I don’t get the correlation. The jailer is the babysitter with no authority. Maybe,,this is meant in a mental sense. We self imprisoned, the gates are opened, locks are off but we stay imprisoned mentally with faux jailer.

    HG, can you provide and example?

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      1. That’s sweet! 🤗

        I’m committed to leave the prison and stay away from trouble.
        Not like The Daltons in Lucky Luke !😉
        (not sure if you are familiar)

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  4. True. They take beautiful, confident, vibrant people and strip them down – slowly at first. So subtly. Then, the claws go deeper, so you won’t leave. They convince you they need you, yet somehow flip the scrip to make you dependent on them. It’s like catching a beautiful bird and clipping her wings so she won’t fly away. Then, the bird starves, because she needed flight to maintain her health and beauty.

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  5. Bingo, I smeared him today very well and I only told the truth. And the person I told, is someone who knows a lot of people. The slope around his neck will get narrower a little bit more. She believed me at once.

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  6. A gold plated cage that turns out to be rusted underneath… full amenities… except the food is rotting, when there is any, the water will make you sick, the bed is really a cold hard slab and the room with a view is a room with a view of the skeletal previous victims that still wait for the next golden period not knowing they were discarded… and a view of those that are still innocently fooled and vivacious that will soon replace you.
    so very true. Little did he know, I stole the key and freed myself never to be caged again

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  7. Soooo. Ummmm. I was hoovered over the weekend. After 4 months. I didn’t see it coming. And I didn’t expect it. It was the mere liking of one of my photos. That’s it. But nonetheless a Hoover. And I didn’t think it would happen again. HG, you were right! They always Hoover. And the kicker? It was his wedding anniversary with his wife. I was the DLS. And he hoovered me on his wedding anniversary. I really wish I was making this up, but I’m not.

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    1. It is always completely unexpected and you’re caught off guard. I take it though you never reached out for his birthday this month (I think it was mid-month) so good for you!! That may have been what got him sniffing around you this past weekend. Trying to get you to remember and text him about that. He probably only liked a picture on social media because he doesn’t want to risk texting you and you not responding back. You’re getting some power back!!

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      1. I was tempted to ruin his birthday the way he ruined mine but I took the high road. But I’ll be honest and say that that Instagram like felt like a kick in my gut taking my breath away. It’s a shame I wasn’t worthy of a follow up text though. Good grief I must sound ridiculous. I still can’t bring myself to block him from seeing my posts on Instagram. My immature response to his aforementioned picture liking was my meme posting of “you don’t miss or care about me. I should remember that. I should fucking remember that”. With my caption of “I really ought to remember these things”.

        Yes teenager ish of me but hey if he still trolls….lol.

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      2. Gab,

        There was no shame in my game lol. One year I ruined his birthday – I waited for it lol. He deserved it. All the other years he ruined it himself so I didn’t need to do a thing.

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      3. Harleen,
        Last year on his birthday he got a ton of naughty media from me. Maybe he kept it, maybe not. Maybe he sniffed around because he hoped for it again? Who knows. LOL.

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      4. Gab,

        If you don’t block him then just don’t put that much information out there. Any information you put out there should be positive and you should look happy – not like you are trying too hard happy – you know what I mean?

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    2. Gabbanzobean,

      No, there’s no way we could make up this shit!

      I’m going to guess he chose to on his anniversary because 1) he’s twisted and nothing is off limits, not even his wedding anniversary, and 2) he hopes it will lead you to think “he must really care if he’s thinking about me even while celebrating with his wife.”

      It’s awesome that you are still no contact!

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    3. Dear one, aren’t you reading HG’s posts? You were used and abused. You’re only craving your oxytocin fix. Recognize and accept your initial wounding, love yourself and heal yourself. You’re worth it! You ARE enough! Now go block that asshole on all fronts and live your most successful, happiest life! 🙂

      Fall in love with someone like this guy! Watch this 🙂

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      1. Harley,

        I listen to some of his videos as well as others before I found Mr Tudor.

        I think we all know there are other sources of information about narcissism available on YT and different webs and so we all have a choice , but when I come to narcsite.com it’s because I am interested of what HG Tudor has got to say in this subject and because I value his insight and regard him as the best source of information.
        Therefore, to me sharing somebody else’s work on his blog (regardless of one’s good intentions) is a bit inappropriate and disrespectful. Sorry to say but that’s my opinion.

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      2. ABW

        Evidence also that HG allows great lattitude in the exchange of information, save that which could cause harm to someone, breach security or interfere with the purpose and operation of the blog. I believe this is because he trusts his readers are intelligent enough to be exposed to other sources and remain loyal because his work is unrivaled.

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      3. NA,

        Yes, this could be the reason why Mr Tudor allowed it.
        But also, not allowing this video would mean that it bothers him, that it matters.

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      4. I do not mind occasional references to say ‘healing’ links as I am not a healer. I tolerate mention of those who operate in a similar field to me, but I am not here to be a platform for their work which is below mine.

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      5. ABW
        Yes. I just meant that he has been accused of not posting peoples comments on occasion (which is untrue as they are just in moderation). I just thought it showed that if he allowed this, that it is unlikely a comment would be viewed as any threat.

        In other news: How are your wings of late? Are you feeling stronger?

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      6. NarcAngel
        I agree. His confidence in the superiority of his writings prevents any petty displays of insecurity. That’s always one of my favorite characteristics of intelligent narcissists (and only of the intelligent ones!) -that supreme confidence.

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      7. Ive not watched richard grannon but i do watch other utubers and each adds in a different way. Thats the beauty if diversity and its important to have that.
        I value and respect hg’s work and theres no competition there 👍

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      8. NA,

        I’m very well , thank you for caring!😊
        I started running again and I recognise myself when I look in the mirror so definitely on the right track! Still ‘under construction ‘ but feeling stronger every day💪. Hope you are well too! X

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      9. ABW
        Im very well thank you. Glad to hear you are working on your physical health. That is a huge part of regaining your overall strength and will help you with focus and getting back to that girl in the mirror. You got her.

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      10. H.G. you are officially an empaths for allowing this video.

        Wings no fear H.G. is second to none.😊

        For the record, after I left lovefraud I’ve been pretty consistent. I am easily confused once l see value I am loyal. Too prove that i have never sought out the Sam person although I was tempted when I found out he was married from a blogger on here.

        I have watched Assoc D. However, based on what i have learned here, i think he’s a narc. 😊😊

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    4. Gab,

      Oh I know you aren’t making it up. I remember having um “relations” with my first psychopath right after he got engaged and on Valentines Day. I am still confused as to how he managed to get out of the house and hang out with me on Valentines Day that year.

      I think I was recently hoovered also. It will almost be a year since my breakup and this cognitively slow individual who is friends with (looks up to my ex narc and worked underneath him) called me and contacted me. I haven’t spoken to this person in like two years. I barely talked to him when my ex and I were together. The message actually sounded like he was being coached. Either way I know that my ex had something to do with this guy calling me. My ex either directly coached him or planted the seed.

      They are honestly so pathetic. I don’t have time or patience for the game playing anymore.

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      1. The last time he hoovered me was when I landed on the plane for my trip to see my BFF. He knew of this trip before he told me he did not wish to speak to me anymore. And the time before that was my birthday. He claims he cannot remember what day it is but he is a liar. He remembers all just like I do. I want to think his wedding anniversary hoover was a coincidence but now I know it was not. I guess my birthday will be the next hoover. LOL.

        He was engaged and had a romp with you? Am I to assume the fiancee did not control him and prevent him from leaving the house? LOL. Mine used to claim his wife had a leash on him, and as such it was harder for him to see me. Yes they really are so pathetic.

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      2. Gab,

        When he was engaged he did have a romp or two with me lol. He would only ever hang out for like an hour or so – never for extended periods of time. He always seemed as though he was in a rush.

        I remember this one time when I was with my ex maybe a year or so ago (time starts to blur at this point) I told the psychopath I couldn’t hang out and I remember texting him next to my ex and saying some pretty um….riskAy shit. The psychopath said something to me like “I thought you were with (insert name of my shithead ex here)” I said yes I am. He was like “How are you texting me?” I said “What do you mean how am I texting you? He is sitting a few feet away from me. He is totally oblivious.” The psychopath told me he got away on Valentines day that year because he said he had to work or something. If my man ever said some shit like that to me there would be a private investigator on his ass LMAO.

        As someone who has made a lot of mistakes lol…and continue to occasionally do so lol…try to avoid sending any videos of yourself and if you do make DAMN SURE you have some dick pics and blackmail on his ass. My psychopath won’t fuck with me. He knows better. I have far too much shit on him. I’m always prepared for war if need be and he knows that.

        I have never exposed him despite everything that has happened between us – which at times has gotten heated. The mind-fuckery between the both of us was on some other level shit. We were always trying to one up each other.

        He actually contributed to the downfall of one of my relationships directly which was actually a blessing. I actually protected him on a few occasions against a boyfriend at the time. The psychopath won’t get in my way and I won’t get in his. Our interaction has been going on since I w as 14 and I am now 30. We used to talk like every day as teenagers and into our early 20’s – we talk in spurts – then he disappears. The silences have gotten longer – the most that has ever gone by is about a year maybe a smidge over a year.

        The psychopath told me in Oct. he had gotten divorced. I didn’t believe him at first because he is always on the move and acts like he is someone who is trying to get back to someone. He never hangs out for like more than an hour. He would often make plans and cancel them but then again I would too. On two occasions he stood me up. I swear that will NEVER happen again. It really takes no effort to even shoot me a text and lie to me instead of standing me up.

        The last time I saw him he told me something very personal – about abuse that he repressed. He also said to me “wow I can’t believe you’re Dr. _______ now. You always said you were going to be a psychologist and you did it. ”

        I have out grown him. You will out grow yours. It’s just a dopamine rush. You will see. The thrill will be lost at some point.

        I look at him and I don’t see anybody. For as long as I remember I would look in his eyes and see nothing. I used to think maybe its anxiety or confusion or…?? Now I realize what’s ultimately behind those eyes. It’s amazing how you could know someone for years and never really ever know them.

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      3. Dr. H…i hope youre right that ill outgrow the narc im with. I do see how much things have changed over the 6 yrs but my love for him grew. Weve shared a lot in that time. Its nothing to grow upon but i thought at the very least a friendship. The way he has strung me along and shelved and then golden perioded me tells me he has no regard for me even as a friend. I know its been beaten into us thru blogs, books, vids you name it but until you experience it firsthand and see the ugly truth up front how the narc really feels about you its so hard to fully let go of the emotions you feel for them.
        As far as him ever smearing me thatll not happen bc he knows i now know his family and have oodles of pics and vids of him. I also know some things about him from a website. I dont think itd ever come down to that bc hes not like that. Hes never been vindictive that way even with his exes never once has he said a bad word about them.

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      4. As part of my narc’s “religious nice guy facade”, I have never been smeared. I never got the fury, I never got the nastiness, the vitriol. Etc. Even my devaluation was polite as punch. I mean yes it was a total mindfuck, but it was charming and polite. I kind of feel like if it was nasty or rude it would’ve been so much better. Then maybe I’d have a clue. he really made me think like he was doing it all for us, that he cared. ( The way he pushed me aside, the huge golden wedge)

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      5. Narc Affair,

        I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think most people miss the feeling of being infatuated and/or in love and those feelings happen to be associated with a particular person (the narc). It’s so much easier to detach from those feelings when you find someone else to be infatuated and/or in love with.

        Somewhere along the line the games become played out – it becomes boring. There is nothing left to hope for.

        This idea of hope is what many people still hold onto. When you realize there is no hope it all becomes pointless. All that was left with my ex was acceptance. I was willing to accept him as a person but unwilling to accept that I would be treated terribly for the rest of my life. Not only did I not gain from the relationship at all but I am an only child and the thought of my ex being the person I would have to rely on when my parents die terrified me. I could and would not accept that this would be the rest of my life.

        I believe that the narcissist represents something to each of us. They represent our fantasies, hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities. What the narcissist represents differs from person to person. It’s important to know your weaknesses and what it is about you that these people exploit.

        If your narc serves a purpose to you and you gain from your interaction – power to you girl lol! As long as you understand and accept who/what you at dealing with and navigate the interaction accordingly it’s all good in the hood.

        As for me, I can say that the narcissists and psychopaths I interact with serve a direct purpose. The purposes vary from person to person. I only choose to interact with extremely high functioning ones that have a ridiculous amount of insight. They let me be myself and understand a part of me that most people do not and for that I am appreciative. As long as there is reciprocity in my relationships with them I’m totally cool with it.

        I think you will outgrow yours. How long it will take is beyond me because let’s put it this way lol there are different flavors of bullshit people can put up with and to different degrees and only the individual knows when they have clocked out.

        Stay awesome – I appreciate you 😁

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    5. Hi gabbanzobean….be really careful. It probably felt great having that hoover after 4 months but itll wear off and when it does youll want that inject of familiar drug again. Its an addiction. Youve come so far. This is why no contact and blocking them is the only way. I wont even try again until i fully block bc i know myself too well and id cave in from the turmoil of not responding and losing another hoover. Its an illness. As far as it being on his marriage anniversary its devaluement two ways..to his wife and to you. Hes hoovering you with filthy devalue crumbs dont lick them up. Youre worth so much more ❤

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      1. Ah yes devaluation crumbs. You know I always wondered what his wife has to deal with and see. I wish I was a fly on the wall. I figure he was focused on her as he wants to expand his family. But to come after me on his anniversary. Subtle devaluation of her perhaps? I wonder if he is hoovering my predecessor too.

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  8. I personally find it more helpful to gain information from an insightful (I know this is rare) and intelligent narcissist, psychopath, or a hybrid narcissistic psychopath.

    What is that line that Madonna said in one of her songs off erotica…??
    I think it was something like: “Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one that inflicts the pain can take it away.”

    This is only my personal perspective as it relates to my healing process.

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    1. I agree, Dr. H. All the utubers seem to say pretty much the same things. HG offers a different perspective, plus a level of detail about the inner workings of a narc’s mind that I haven’t seen anywhere else.

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  9. Gabbanzobean, he abuses you to punish his wife. He punishes her, because he has to spend the anniversary day with her. He does not like that. So secretly he contacts you and has a nice feeling to “betray” his wife. He triangulates you with her or vice versa. It is not about her , it is not about you, it is about his hate towards females. Please wake up. A man who does that to his own wife is not worth a penny. She is probably a very nice woman like you are. He only smeared her. Why do you hope, that he devalues her? ( I see some hope of that in your comment) You really know what he is. He is a hateful man without conscience, no feeling of responsibility and no one to rely on. He will never give you what you really want and need for a long time. Only an illusion. You deserve a better man.

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    1. It’s not that I want him to devalue her. I just wish I could see first hand how he treats her (fly on the wall so to say)….so I can wake myself up. My comment wasn’t meant to insult or disrespect her. I don’t even know her but I’m sure she’s likely a doormat to him. She knows of some of his cheating and takes him back.

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      1. Without even having to be there, sadly, she’s his sloppy seconds (thirds, and fourths) time and time again. Think of it that way. That could be you adoringly looking at him and his mind is always elsewhere..

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      2. Gabbanzobean, I understand your need to have some evidence that he really is a narcissist. Maybe his wife is a doormat. Maybe he lied so tricky, that she believed all his nonsense. The former relationship of my narc lasted about 20 years, until someone (one of his lieutenants) told her the whole truth about him. His whole family gaslighted her, so she could not see the truth. All lied. Then she left him from one minute to the other. I met her, he was so stupid to tell me where she works. The first two sentences she said to me : “Did he talk bad about me again?” and “Take it easy./ Don`t worry. He is ill.” She has never been a doormat, but he did so, as if she were. He did the same with me. His family lied again, his friends shut their mouths and all wondered why I stayed with him, although there were other women. I indeed did not know. I realised it too late. I am not a person, who controls someone else. So I did not take a look at his handy nor observed him. I should have done that. And – most important – I was not informed about this disorder!
        Maybe your narc just talks to his wife: “There is a girl, I told you about her. She is so foolish, she is so in love with me. I do not know why. I never gave her a reason to do that.” That is the way how they behave.

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      3. Mona, your last sentence!!!! Wow. It gave me chills because I used to imagine him making jokes to others of how in love with him I was (and sadly still am). One time when I was upset from one of those “golden wedge silent treatments” I said “I bet you laugh at me, about my feelings for you…”

        His reply (sweet as pie) “My darling girl that is silly. You are NOT an oddity that I pander to for amusement!”

        Oh the irony!

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      4. Gabbanzobean

        Its natural to wonder, but good or bad, his treatment of her is of no consequence to you. Your only concern should be how he treats you and how you feel about it. Shift your focus.

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  10. Gabbanzobean,
    I totally get that, the wanting to see what their relationship is like and how he treats her in person. I would want to know also, and to know what she’s like. There is some natural curiosity of that in any affair dynamic, but especially with a narc because we honestly have no clue what their relationship is like, since we only have what the narc tells us to go on… and we know how reliable that is.

    Clarece is right that if you were there with him, his mind would be elsewhere. And Mona is right on too about punishing his wife. My narc used to say “when I f* my wife, I’m not satisfied because who I really want isn’t in my bed” (referring to me). At the time, I felt a little bad for her, but it also is very flattering to think “wow, he still wants and desires me even though they JUST had sex.” At some point though, around the last time we sexted, he wanted me to verbally say mean shit to his wife while making me look at his wedding pic. He wanted me to say mean things about my hub during climax that time. He said he just liked it because it was forbidden and naughty, and since it wasn’t happening in real life, I appeased him. They don’t know it was said, and it wasn’t meant by me, but it was degrading to myself that letting him coax me into saying that crap. It sickens me that I ever thought maybe it would somehow be okay to go there with him.

    It is exactly like Mona said to in that it’s about hatred toward women. These are sadistic and twisted individuals.

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    1. My narc used to lament over the fact that it took him so long to climax with his wife. “It’s because of my guilt. But with you I can’t hold it back…” ummm okay so you’re not guilty F-ing me but F-ing her and you are. I had a consult about this with HG who said that he said all of this to make me feel sorry for him via fuel. Makes sense.

      It’s always narc Opposite Day.

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  11. Gabbanzobean, they nearly always do what we fear most. If they smell a weak point, they point on it. It is very hard to learn to close the wounds again, they cut in our souls. It took me a long time to realise all his devilish behaviour and count one and one together. Now everything makes sense. If your narc really makes jokes about you, it is his bad character, not your personality. You are a fine person, he is not. I will say the same to you, that the ex of my narc told me: He is ill and has an ugly soul. It needs time to realise and accept that. But it has nothing to do with you, the reasons for his behaviour towards you lay far away in the past. And we are not able to change their past, their presence and their future. Love does not change them. Gabbie, your love will die, each day a little bit more and some day it is only a pale memory.

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  12. Part 2 of the post to Gabbanzobean….

    Yes, the irony of your narc’s comment about pandering for amusement! My narc used to say some things like this when exactly the opposite was true. He was constantly demanding that I sext others, but then telling me to be careful of the bullshit on Kik, don’t trust anyone who does x, y or z. When I would remind him he did those very things, he would say “don’t say that, it minimizes what we have.” And that fucked with my head, because it made me feel like he DID care. .

    And he wasn’t a cerebral, but like your guy, he used to tell me he was the nicest guy I would ever meet. On one of the social media, I think his nickname was even some version of “Nice Guy” and he is nice in that he’s charming and easy to let down your guard with. And when I was nervous about meeting in person, he said, “Don’t you know my character by now? I am the least harmful person to you.” He didn’t harm me physically, but he was NOT harmless, yet his words conveyed the total opposite.

    And he said about some guys online, “it’s like they collect hearts.” And it was a very odd and specific thing to say. I almost wondered if a past lover had told him it’s like HE collects hearts. He was excellent at remembering everything about me, phrases and insecurities and then kind of echoing them back during devaluation in a twisted way.

    Sometimes I wonder if they realize the irony when they are saying this stuff, because it seems like more than just a guy lying. It’s almost like they know we will play their words back in our minds and they want us to remember “He said he’s a nice guy” or “he said he wasn’t using me for amusement” so we will doubt ourselves when all of their actions state otherwise.

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    1. Mary, we shall doubt ourselves. Brainwashing, rewriting history, contradictions, all that to fulfill their will and let us not see, what they really do. Abuse.

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  13. There comes a point when you don’t even feel the need to replay incidents repeatedly in your head -trying to decipher the hidden meanings behind everything. Sometimes i feel like you have to over focus on something and talk about it until you don’t want to talk about it anymore and it exhausts you. I’ve also come to find It just doesn’t even matter. I never mattered and he doesn’t matter. It’s a sad and infuriating reality but I can’t change what happened all I can do is move forward. All I have is the present and the future.

    Of course I miss being infatuated and in love with someone but that’s where it all ends. I guess I have to just take what I can from the shitty experience. The take away was that I learned more about myself, not to put up with bullshit, follow my intuition, and pull the fuck out of a shitty investment wayyyyyyy faster.

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    1. Dr Q
      I agree about needing to over focus till you just wear it all out. That’s what I had to do. Friends and family want you to just get over it and move on, but I believe that leaves a lot of issues unreconciled and these ideas can come back to haunt you later.

      Maybe we do need infatuation and love. I missed out on the romantic/positive sexual aspects of that My only partner has been my cerebral narc exhusband, so I can’t even really imagine what it would be like.

      My best solution is to seek out joy by loving everything around me – dogs, cats, nature, artwork, strangers, children, whatever. I’ve found that if I broadcast love out at the world around me, it will be returned in some very rewarding and unusual ways (not romantically though, because I know that would be a narc! I’ve already got enough of them! 😝)

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      1. Ha, ha Clarece! Probably good thing I missed out on them then since I think I’ve always lived on the brink of insanity! I always wondered what it was like once you crossed over the edge – maybe that would have done it. I can only speculate.

        It does seem like a mixed blessing, though, out here looking in. The “mind blowing sex” I read about here that people had with narcs often seems to have caused the most damage by warping their thinking and keeping them tied to the narc.

        The whole golden period thing that people so want again – that seems like the root of the problem for many. Maybe I’m lucky I never had any of that, that our relationship was much more “contractual.” I wonder what it’s like for the normals? Maybe more in the middle of the two extremes?

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      2. Well the golden period also unfortunately provides a benchmark for the successors which seems difficult to match. Technique and ability is real even if everything else is an illusion.

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      3. Clarece,

        This is something I worry about if I am single again and start dating. No one is EVER going to kiss me like my online narc did. His presence was electric, and he kissed me like no one ever has. How is anyone healthy going to compare to that? Their lack of intensity may come across as disinterest.

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