Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker
Truth seeker. The pursuit of the truth. A noble ideal indeed is it not? It sounds as if you ought to be armed with your sword of justice and your shield of purity as you make your way through the badlands in order to find the truth. In fact, this is what you, as an empathic individual is unwittingly doing when you become engaged with our kind.
You are all truth seekers. The empath, the co-dependent and especially the super empath. You want the truth and you will apply your indefatigable spirit to acquiring it without understanding the toll that this misguided folly will have on you as whole. The need to be told the truth, to find it and to know it is a core empathic trait and as you would expect, it leads you into the trap of being ensnared by our kind and is heavily exploited.
Being a truth seeker is a further sin of the empath. Those who are empathic tell the truth, but that is because of that other empathic sin, honesty. The empath must always establish the truth of a situation, the truth at the heart of an individual and in so doing the allows them to reconcile their own truths.
The empath must know the truth. He or she must not only need to understand why somebody is as they are, but they have to be satisfied that this is the truth of the matter. This desire for the truth makes an empath extremely vulnerable to us since we trade in lies, deal in deceit and all our currency is counterfeit.
Take, for instance, at the outset of the narcissistic dynamic, when we begin our seduction of the empath. He or she wishes to know that this wonderful person is true in their intentions and whilst the empath might be pleased that others talk about how enamoured the narcissist is about them, or how the narcissist seems utterly smitten, the empath must establish the truth form the narcissist him or herself. This of course opens the empath up to the charm, magnetism and allure of the scintillating narcissist as we are only too happy to tell you what you want to hear, to show you what you want to see and to do what you would have us do.
Oblivious to who you are dealing with (until otherwise educated) the empath will, through his or trusting nature and propensity to deal honestly with others, accept what the narcissist says and does. That amounts to the truth. The narcissist is skilled through his mirroring to reflect back at you your own truths and thus as you seek the truth, you are shown it. What you do not realise is that you are looking at your own truth, but since it is your truth and not ours, it is so utterly convincing. The adoration that you exhibit towards us is mirrored and reflect back at you. You wish to seek the truth of that adoration and what do you see? An adoration that is on the same par as your own – how can that then not appear to be the truth. In seeking the truth but looking for it from one who lies so effectively and defrauds with ease, all you find is your own truth, but you fail to recognise it as such and thus you feel you have found the truth and you are convinced that what you see is genuine love, is genuine passion and is genuine adoration.
You might liken it to a person who carries with him or her one half of a precious gem and seeks the other half. This person encounters a mirror, but does not know that it is a mirror and thinks that they see the other half stood before them since it looks so convincing, yet try to touch or grasp or find any depth or substance to this supposed other half and it will not be there. This is what eventually happens when devaluation occurs as you see the reflection and it dawns on you that all you are looking at is what you already had, being made to appear like something more.
Thus in wanting to find the truth and being shown your truth and not ours, you are utterly convinced as to the legitimacy of our love, passion and desire for you. Your truth seeking has made you vulnerable to our deceitful manipulations from the very beginning.
Yet, the matter worsens. Your pursuit of the truth leaves you vulnerable to perhaps one of the most confusing and bewildering aspects of the narcissistic dynamic, the need to establish the truth during devaluation. Once the array of machinations are wheeled out against you, the gas lighting commences, the lies, the insults, the intimidation and so much more is used against you, your quest for the truth has you stuck in the quagmire of our manipulations for a considerable time.
Firstly, you do not accept that this monster which now prevents you from getting a good night’s sleep, erupts at the slightest criticism, becomes demanding over apparently nothing, is the person who you fell in love with or who loves you. This is not the truth that stands before you. The truth must surely have been the person who first seduced you. You know that to be the case because you sought the truth then during the seduction, you saw it and you established it. It is that magical, wonderful, adoring person who seems to have vanished and in its stead you now see some grotesque version of the person you love. That is not the truth that shouts at you and belittles you, that is not the truth that turns each time you want to go out with your friends into a battle and that is not the truth that turns its back on you every night in bed. You want to find the true us, the one you saw and established during seduction and that need, that desire and that pursuit of this truth means you remain in situ, not escaping and allowing our abuses to rain down on you again and again.
Secondly, you experience the downside of our pathological lies during the devaluation. You were lied to, naturally, during the seduction, but that does not matter. You thought it to be the truth and you established it as so and besides, those lies felt good didn’t they? Yet know, the lies wound and hurt, they scar and mark, as we tell you lies about what we have been doing, where we have been and who with. You are no fool, or so you think, for you have followed us, had others report to you and you know the truth of what has been happening. Now you must establish that truth with us. You must seek the truth from our lips without you realising that we will never do such a thing since to do so would be to cede control to you. You have not yet grasped who you are dealing with and thus you remain unaware that we use lies to achieve so much of our aims. Those lies are used to make you dizzy, make you cry, make you exhausted and we keep on going and will not concede to the truth.
How many times have you heard yourself say:-
“Just tell me the truth, that is all I want you to do.”
“Please, stop lying, just tell the truth.”
“If you would only tell the truth.”
“I want the truth.”
“Give me the truth. Please I am begging you.”
Are those phrases and those of a similar kind echoing about your mind now?
Your desire to get to the truth, to hold the truth in front of us and get us to acknowledge it means you become drawn into the circular arguments, the endless arguments, the denial, the switching and the deflections which leave you shattered, mystified and spent. Why can he not see the truth when I do? The Toxic Logic of course, but you are not privy to such information at that time and so you gird your loins, climb back on your steed and ride out once again in the pursuit of the truth. It is no surprise that you then gallop into the swamp and become bogged down by lies, untruths and mendacity.
Thirdly, during devaluation it is often the case that you will turn to others to seek confirmation that the truth you once witnessed is indeed the truth and you can find it once again. You seek the truth from our coterie, our minions and our lieutenants. You go to them and need to ascertain that we are surely a decent person, who is loving and caring are we not? You walk straight into the facade and its false truth. You hear the answers which you want to hear, we are lauded for our generosity, we are praised for our kindness, we are complimented on our good humour, easy charm and reliability. There it is, you have sought the truth once again and you have found it, yet you fail to recognise it as the false truth and the false hope which it engenders. Instead of trying to escape from this devaluation, you remain in place, taking comfort from that the facade has told you and redoubling your efforts to find the truth with us. Thus, you remain and exhaust yourself tilting against the windmill that is us when you think you are slaying the dragon.
Accordingly, your empathic trait of being a truth seeker makes you vulnerable to our seduction and extremely vulnerable to the effects of our mind games, manipulations and habitual lying. Were this where it ends, but your quest for the truth has a further blow to administer to you.
The empathic sin of being a truth seeker heightens your susceptibility to the post escape and post discard hoovers. When we open those shutters and allow the bright, shining light of the golden period to fall upon your face you instantly see that the truth has returned, that false truth which you were shown what feels like such a long time ago. Yet, all is not lost, the truth has returned, it is in your grasp and all you need to do seek it out and embrace it is to return to our fold. By seeking our the truth once again you fall prey to our hoovers and our control over you is increased again.
The desire to seek the truth is noble indeed but seeking it from one who scorns the truth and takes refuge amongst deceit, lies and fraudulent intent can only result in this character trait of yours gaining the epitaph of being a sin of the empath.
18 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker”
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I am personally offended by the reliability of this content lol.
Thank you for spelling out the TRUTH of my own nature.
What’s such a waste though… such a shame really… is all my REALLY good insults I hurled at narc (and I mean good, I fight dirty and I use truths to do it in those instances too) were only used for their own fuel. Such a waste.
Neurocolls,
Yep, it’s an absolutely NO WIN situation and it’s exhausting. If they are in attack mode, it doesn’t matter what we say, it will be used against us. Truth or a lie, they can turn it into anything they want.
One morning, my online narc sent pic of himself looking kind of rough, almost tearful. I thought he could be upset about something, but didn’t want to pry, so I tried to tactfully indicate he looked different. I should have just done my usual “hi sexy” but I wanted to see if he was okay.
Me: Good morning, you look a little tired. You okay?
Narc: Gee, thanks.
Me: I don’t mean it like that.
Narc: What you really meant was “Holy shit, you look terrible.”
Me: Not at all. I thought maybe something was wrong.
Narc: You think I look like shit. Nice.
Me: ……
And then he brought it up again a few times later. On another day even, something along the lines of “Notice I didn’t say YOU look tired.”
No. But you told me the pattern in my shirt was too “busy” looking (when I didn’t ask you). And you gave me shit every time I ate a meal, asking me if it’s pizza again, because I went out for pizza once that month. Until I finally said: “At first that was cute, but after the fourth time this week, it’s starting to sting, because I had just expressed anxiety to you about gaining some weight with a cortisone shot.” To which he replied that he only meant it as a joke, and that I took it too seriously, like always. Then he said “I’m sorry you had hurt feelings when you took my joke seriously, and I won’t do it anymore.” His was a bullshit apology, but I said “thank you, I appreciate it.” Then… a week long silent treatment from him. It was during this particular one that I actually felt numb, didn’t miss him much, and got used to the feeling of not having him around. This silent treatment was a gift.
The lying empath paradox:
Narc – “Do I look a tired?”
Empath – “Yes a little, we need to have a calm Saturday for both of us to rest.”
Result: Rage, chaos a whole night! Both empath and narc will look tired.
When this happens again and again the empath is conditioned to answer: “No you look wonderful and not the least tired” whatever the truth is. Well, that goes against the nature of the empath, but still something that we (empaths) can be forced to comply with. We will not accept it deep down, but comply with.
So peace at last? No, because at certain unpredictable instances the answer “you do not look tired” will be recognized/categorized as a lie by the narc (really regardless of what the truth is). There will be rage, chaos a whole night because of the lie. The empath will be forced to apologize for the lying and tell the truth.The truth (which does not need to be the truth, just something opposite) is not accepted of course. Reverse to ensure that the lie was a lie and the the truth is (reassure, convince, sooth, comfort, hearten, inspire) that the narc does not look tired at all; only beautiful, young, fresh, glorious, sexy, charming, colourful, attractive…..
This turns the empath into a constant liar. Even though I do think that my narc is beautiful, looking young, fresh, glorious, sexy, charming, colourful, attractive even now 31 years later.
The “look tired” example is just one out of hundreds, maybe thousands.
My truth seeking got me here. It is very painful to be faced with the truth but at the end of the day I got all my questions answered.
Laura,
Same here. Truth seeking with the narc only got me burned again, but sometimes it takes that extra burn to finally walk away. It brought me here too and many questions have been answered. I’m looking forward to the continuation of that.
It’s this emotional thinking that makes it extremelly hard to get over them. I greatly miss the sex where I gave my everything. I wonder if I ever will be able to enjoy it again. I will know that I am over him when I will be able to do so.
I do not feel like contacting him any more, but I still have very sad moments. Then I hit up Mr HG and collect my strength from this blog. Good to have people who are in the same or similar situation because as we all know they just don’t understand this type of pain and suffering.
I also thought that the healing would be more gradual, but it is like a rollercoaster ride just as like the relationship with the narc was….
Yes I am a truth seeker maybe I am an empath , or maybe even super empath, this truth seeking does you no good really. It would be better to just accept the proof you see in front of you and regardless of the why’s , just walk away and never look back or give it any thought , because it doesn’t really help your life to be this way .
Correct Lisa and that is your cool, hard logic at work with that comment. Now, the key is, of course, to get that emotional thinking under control.
Brilliant thing about HG is one of his firm lessons is that you’ll never get the truth from a narc. When you let go of looking for it is one of the most possitive steps you’l take moving forward. Mine told me her crack head was ‘nobody’….even when he was living in her house. I couldn’t understand how she could expect me to believe that, until I discovered KtN and HG’s insight. As you say accept the proof you see, and don’t expect a confession. Deep breath and good luck moving forward!
Mr Tudor,
I know I have self-knowledge. I know who I am. What I stand for. What I want out of life.
I am reading Sitting Target at the moment, and it is great to understand which traits you are looking for in you targets. But I struggle a bit to find me in the schools of empaths. I don’t think I am co-dependent. I might be an empath, but although I do attract narcissists they never pic me at the end of the day. As for the super empath or magnet empath I find a stronger self, and since my N is in the Lesser school his manipulation strategies don’t stick with me for too long. Or maybe I am just normal, and he mirrored me wrong (saw my tolerance for empathy, and found me not to fit in).
Do you have plans to write a book on the different schools of empaths? (I have read your posts on the subject here on the blog).
I certainly do and it is in progress.
Very glad to hear this, HG!
Mr Tudor
I just have to say that I am so glad that I “met” you! And I am saying that in the least flirtatious way possible☺️
Not only have you covered my blind side (sorry for the american football analogy) concerning your kind, you have also covered (and with your upcoming book on the schools of empaths) so many aspects and a new insight in how “the world” see me.
Your legacy will be my tool-kit, valued to last a life time💪🏻
Looking forward to this book😃👌🏻
Make sure there is category for the idiotic-daft-empath-who-stays-way-too-long wasting her precious energy on a pipe dream!
The truth for me was about working out and pointing out his lies, deceit and hypocrisy.
Do the “Truth Seekers” become a harder challenge or nuisance to deal with because of this trait?
Truth seeks for me are advantageous because they hang in there for longer.
I’m one of those unfortunately .