A Good Man In A Bad Job?



I didn’t ask for this you know. I know you did not either but for once let’s not make this about you and let’s talk about me, yes? I never asked to be created so that each and every day I must gather the fuel that is necessary for my existence. Yes, I must eat, I must drink water and I must breathe the air, just as you do, but for me I have another staple requirement of daily living. I must have fuel. Did you choose to always needs food and water? No, you did not. Neither did I. I did not choose to require this fuel either but without it I will cease to exist. What I have created in order to survive in this world will come toppling down and that will be the end of me. How far would you go to eat? At first it is simple enough is it not? You go to the grocery store or you order online from the supermarket and acquire the ingredients to make a meal or receive a pre-cooked one. You chop, you peel, you mash and you stir and you make that meal. A hundred thousand different recipes to choose from. Instead you may remove the packaging, pierce the cling film and pop it in the over or the microwave. Either way you have food, ready to eat and to sustain you. But what if you had no money to acquire this food, how would you quell the rumblings in your stomach? Perhaps you might ask to be given food from neighbours, from food banks or left overs at supermarkets. It is demeaning but you need to eat don’t you, so what does a little pride matter so long as your stomach is filled? However, what if that charity ends? What if the benevolence of friends and neighbours dries up? What would you do then? What if there are no friends and no neighbours? Would you look to survive on berries you find by the roadside, drink the water from a stream? Would that sustain you for long or would you tire of that? Would you scavenge through the bins outside a supermarket for food that has been thrown out but is perfectly edible? Is that stealing? Perhaps not. Would you cope with the stares of pity and disdain from those who saw you surfing a dumpster?

Would you steal from the shops in order to quell the hunger pangs? Snatch a loaf from a bakery, sneak into a house and steal that cooling pie or rifle through the cupboards in order to find something to eat. What if there is no edible food in the dumpster, would you remove the mould and eat what you find, risking illness? What if the supermarkets ran out of food and there was nowhere to steal it from? Would you scavenge from the orchards until that fruit ran out? Would you catch fish or hunt a lamb or grab a chicken in order to cook and eat it over an open fire? What if the usual sources of meat began to vanish, having fallen prey to starving wild animals following the collapse of civilisation, what then? Would you try new sources? Would you, driven by hunger hunt down and eat a sparrow or a robin? How about an owl? Seagull? Would you slaughter a fox in order to eat its meat? Where would you stop? Would you eat another human being in order to survive? When needs must where would you draw the line? How far would you go to feed yourself and your loved ones? Begging, growing you own, stealing, savagery, cannibalism? Do you have a limit or when the chips are down and your stomach is knotted with the agony of starvation would there be no limit? How far would you go? Would you fight another person for a packet of rice? Beat someone up in order to steal their hoard of windfalls? Would you consider their loss of their food source and their injuries an acceptable consequence of your own necessary survival? Would this become collateral damage in the pursuit of survival? Abhorrent as it may sound, I should imagine, when the need really arises, that you would go beyond the unpalatable in order to survive.

Now replace food with the need for fuel and you will understand that I have no choice other than to gather this fuel from different sources and in different ways throughout the course of each day. The consequences which arise may seem regrettable to you but they are purely the result of this need for me to gain fuel. I did not ask to have to do this, but the way I have been created makes it so. In the same way that you would fight to ensure your own survival, rather than curling up and dying in a hole, so must I. Does that make me what would be regarded as a bad person for just doing what I need to in order to exist? I suggest that it does not. I know that what I do has consequences for others. I am not blind nor am I a fool. I understand fully the devastation that I cause as I tear through someone else’s life like a whirlwind, sucking everything in, hurling it about and then discarding it broken and shattered. I have heard the complaints, the stories, the recollections and the accounts. I have heard the cries of dismay, the wails of misery, the screams of terror and the slow sobs of pain. I know what is caused by my actions but what choice do I have? I do not set out to achieve these things but they must always arise as a consequence of what I must do.

I feel no guilt nor remorse. I am devoid of those emotions. Another consequence of the way I have been created. I feel no shame in these actions, no pity for those who suffer from my behaviours and no sense of empathy for those who are remorselessly cut down by my machinations. I am not burdened by such emotions so I do not toss and turn at night, I do not have my sleep peppered by nightmares of torment, I do not sit in anguish and seek absolution for everything I have done and everything that I am to do. Those concepts are not applicable to me. What I do is invite you to understand me. I want you to understand what I am, what I must do and what arises from this and if you were in my shoes then you would do the same. This does not make me a bad person does it? I am a good man who is having to do a bad job. Yes?

68 thoughts on “A Good Man In A Bad Job?

  1. K says:

    I have been thinking. My empath traits are very strong but I have some narcissistic traits too, and in order to protect myself better, I am going to bring the narcissistic traits to the fore. Empathy is already dialed down and I am low on guilt. I am going to put myself first (more often than not). Being an empath isn’t fun, you just end up getting hurt. It will be trail and error but I am going to find a balance that works for me. Everything that you write has made me think long and hard about things from a different perspective.

    Thank you.

  2. Lou says:

    I think we can discuss a long time whether you are good or bad (all is relative).
    Hmmm… The image of this post…. LOL

  3. Hilfingingers says:

    You owe money and more to your victims.

  4. Hilfingingers says:

    But it IS innefficient..jack off to universe and reattach infantile…its so simple..duh

  5. robins359 says:

    Nice try. You would make an excellent lawyer!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are ball-washing bastards.

      1. robins359 says:

        I have read that most lawyers are narcissists. You are very convincing and have no feelings either way, you just want to win. I worked at a law office for 7 years and it seems true.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Look at you! You’re on a roll today! LMAO

  6. K says:

    Deja Vu! This post is the same as


    I thought I was losin’ it!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I guess the title was lost on you!

      1. K says:

        The other one is titled: Repetition, So when I put ” A Good Man In a Bad Job” in the search bar I couldn’t find my old comment. I thought I was going nuts, but I found Repetition in my notes. Phew! I thought I was being gas lighted!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, I wouldn’t do that to you K.

          You get Word Salad instead.

          Only joking.

      2. K says:

        Ha ha ha ha, it is almost lunch time here, I will gladly take that Word Salad, HG!

  7. Diva says:

    A quotation by Marcus Aurelius…..Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one……………

  8. Tom says:

    No. I don’t accept this. This is a delusional comparison. If I was in this position I would kill myself like u should do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You go ahead, I am fine where I am.

  9. K says:

    On June 11th you wrote that you operate in your reality but you understand our perspective. By the time I was 9, I was lighting fires, followed by vandalizing and stealing. I didn’t think much about it; I just did it. Even though I knew it was wrong, I did not feel guilty. Is that similar to your perspective?

    My delinquent behavior was fairly mild. My brother lit a classmate on fire in school.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I was more methodical than you, but the lack of guilt is the same.

      1. K says:

        Ok, that gives me an idea of what you are. I get it now. Empath delinquency is nothing compared to methodical narcissistic delinquency. On a positive note, I outgrew all of my heinous behavior and became a well rounded empath. This is my analogy: I was a sheep in wolf’s clothing.

      2. K says:

        Great news! I found guilt. When I was little I remember squeezing a little girls hand and pinching her to make her cry, and I would call another little girl a crybaby until she cried. I was a mean, rotten, little bully and I am ashamed of my behavior. I feel terrible about hurting those little girls. They were innocent and defenseless. I was a fucking asshole.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The honesty trait of the empath at work there.

          If you want to read about how I treated another child and understand just what is at the core of me, you really should read “Twelve” and the following pieces, in Horns and Halos. It also explains the basis for something that I use now as a sexual devaluation.

      3. K says:

        You are absolutely correct. The traits are woven into me and I can’t get rid of them or hide them if I tried. It is amazing!

      4. K says:

        OK, I will order Twelve and Horns and Halos. Splintered Malice and Danger: 50 Things You Should Not Do With a Narcissist were delivered yesterday and I can’t wait to read them. Your books are excellent.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you K. Just to be clear, Twelve is a chapter in Horns and Halos.

  10. p says:

    Learned behaviour

  11. HG,
    I was with these fine people the other night…..they opened with this and I immediately thought this is your theme song! YOU ARE THE MAN! Not just a good man or bad man but The Man….and how appropriate it’s by The Killers, strictly self defense I’m sure. Miss you HG!

  12. Sues423 says:

    “Good man”. Is highly subjective

    1. Brian says:

      He is good…at getting FUEEELLL

    2. Ali says:

      I agree “Good man” is extremely subjective. “Good” men don’t do “Bad” to fellow humans for their own selfishness. “Bad” do “Bad”. You’ve just proved your Narcness, taking no responsibility, blame, twisting all around so you look “Good”. Ha ha you’ve taught us well HG, thank you.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You are welcome Ali.

  13. Aly says:

    I am new to this site, and have to say, I’m intrigued by HG. Both my parents and grandmother were narc’s, and I was married to a narc. I can confirm that they don’t lose sleep over their actions.

    It’s an interesting article and has great insight. It gives me a language for the experiences I’ve had which I could never verbalize before.

    I did have a problem with what I consider an excuse that blames “being created like this”. I think this need for fuel is a result of certain experiences in our lives that have shaped us to become a certain way and are a coping mechanism that protects us from getting hurt. It’s like turning to drugs and alcohol, to escape painful memories, or experiences. It dulls the pain and in a sense, also can be labeled “a fuel” for the hurting person. They weren’t created like that and they (we) still have a choice to relearn a different coping mechanism. However, it would involve withdrawal pains, and learning a new way of living, which involves feeling pain. My impression, and I could be wrong, but a narcissist would never consent to feeling vulnerable, therefore, never agree to change. Bottom line, it’s still a choice in my opinion to change or to continue.

  14. Tappan Zee says:

    It’s a rhetorical question.
    What we think does not matter.

  15. M. says:

    We cannot understand you,HG.Don’t believe us when we say we do. It is our minds speaking, not our hearts. Our hearts differ.Ours are guilty.

  16. Scout says:

    Your belief in needing fuel in order to exist cannot compare with someone in desperate need for food. I know what it’s like to have no proper foodstuffs for days and having to rely on family and friends to feed me when they can. Your lack of fuel may make you feel very uncomfortable and frighten you even, but it will not kill you. I’m not suggesting a lack of fuel is easy to deal with but I recognise fear is the motivator of NPD, but fear, no matter how challenging, won’t harm you. In fact facing up to your fear will bring you out of the other side and you’ll be a much stronger and a more considerate person for it.

    1. Diva says:

      Hi Scout ……that was a good thought provoking response……it reminded me of a quote by Sir Francis Bacon……..”there is nothing to fear but fear.” I think that quote needs to be changed to “there is nothing to fear but fear…… and narcs.”

      1. Scout says:

        Hi Diva,
        Thank you for kind response.
        I’d forgotten about Sir Bacon’s words but you’re right; we have nothing to fear but fear and narcs! In reality, most fear is irrational and can overcome.

  17. Victory says:

    But as we empaths & spiritualists know the demon is conquerable. It is your self created weakness that allows unreal fear to keep you from doing so. It is the same traumas and injuries that made us prey to you, that created your quest for fuel. The most powerful thing any human can do is confront the personal demons inside. It is when you move through the pain that you take your life back and then become the elite & omnipotent being you desire to be. I accept people as they are but do not accept justification for not taking personal responsibility for our actions. I recovered from my MatriNarc. Am I now superior to you? According to your thinking, Yes.

  18. K says:

    1. Intimate relationships between narcs, is this the norm?
    2. Do you like fuel from another narc? Is it fulfilling?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. No it is not the norm. It happens but is not the norm.
      2. Yes but not as an IPPS or IPSS as it is not as sustainable as required. Fuel from a narcissist as a NISS or TS is acceptable, but empaths are preferred.

  19. Diva says:

    Should that line not read……I am a bad man doing a bloody good job???? That makes more sense to me……..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See the article a bad man in a good job

      1. Diva says:

        Okay I will look that up too…..I haven’t read many of your older posts yet…….I feel as though I am doing a university degree here……..but I am not complaining!!!! Thank you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Diva.

      2. Diva says:

        I just read “a bad man in a good job”…….yes I can agree with all of that article and I do believe that you are doing a good job NOW on this blog……you have certainly assisted me in ways that I could not even begin to put into words…..I am feeling a tad guilty now, because when I wrote that I thought you were a “bad man doing a bloody good job”……I meant that you were bloody good at being bad…….but after reading the other article that you directed me to, you have now kind of manipulated me into changing my mind and seeing you in a much better light…….you haven’t lost your touch yet and I doubt you ever will.

      3. Mary says:

        HG, I’m intrigued. Do you have a link to that article?

  20. K says:

    As much as I hate to admit it, I would probably do the same if I were a narcissist. Awful to even think about…in empath world your kind are evil. I am trying to understand your perspective but I am not there yet.

    I have a few questions if you don’t mind. I have noticed mostly narc on narc relationships (marriages) in my life and sibling (cousins) narcs going at it. I usually just sit back and watch.

    1. Is this the norm?
    2. Is the fuel good from another narc?
    3. Or is empath fuel better?
    4. Are empaths rare, cause I am having trouble finding them IRL?

    My final narc tally is 115 narcs, mostly family. Most of my life has been spent with your kind and it hasn’t been much fun.

    1. K says:

      another clarification:
      The siblings and cousins argue and fight with each other (not going at it sexually)

  21. Lisa says:

    Please… specifically define “fuel”. Thanks.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please read the article The Prime Aims and also the book Fuel.

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      Hi Lisa
      Fuel is our emotional reactions whether positive or negative in response to them.

  22. Lovey says:

    Dear HG,
    I’m a first-time commenter. I found your site roughly 2 months ago, and it has become a go-to site for me. Thank you for all that you explore within yourself and then share with us.
    I have been undergoing intense healing from a recent “relationship”, which has brought up all hurts I did not properly process in previous narcissistic relationships. In short, I have had multiple violent relationships in my life, to the point where my threshold became so high that as long as my love didn’t physically beat me, I Reasoned it was okay. But I was in constant cognitive dissonance because my body and soul were screaming at me to leave.
    I have been codependent, and I am also an empath, although I am not a fawning, performance-driven type. I get easily exhausted by inauthenticity, but I lacked the self-love to place a boundary.
    I had been intensely hooked to this recent man like no other; I know that this horrendous experience of discomfort has been my soul calling me Home. I loved him deeply on a soul level, yet in personality, I always felt lied to, manipulated, confused. I never felt safe. We were off and on, for over four years. I grew increasingly confused and angry. I gave him the benefit of the doubt especially in the beginning, but over time I grew tired, and began to ask for more accountability. I finally told him, a few months ago, that he is emotionally unavailable to me, and that I do not feel safe or nourished. I was nervous to say it as I did not want to hurt him but I was fed up. He shut down, then benign hoovered for three days, then when I asked him why he was contacting me, he said he was now seeing someone else. What? *Within hours of seeking me out.*
    I just discovered he married her. It has only been 4 months since he was “hoping to rekindle something with me.” He married her.
    I am a mixture of dumbfounded, relieved, and liberated.
    She looks very sweet and I’m sure she provides better fuel otherwise why marry her. I was too suspicious for him to choose me. I am just in shock. This man was fucking around on dating sites for almost ten years, surely meeting many suitable women for marriage.
    My sense is that I wounded him by essentially calling him emotionally inadequate, and that in some secret way, this is his big Fuck You to me. (By the way, the sex was never sensational – and I sense that he felt further inadequacy that I was not fawning all over him. He constantly sought compliments about his size. It was odd)
    Anyway, how is it possible to marry so quickly? I assume I am painted black and that him marrying her is a defense against his own fear of inadequacy. Would you agree, or think something else?
    Thank you again for all you post here; and thanks to all the commenters, as I do read their perspectives and it helps me feel less alone.

  23. Adele says:

    How were you created? What happened as a child? Was mummy a narc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My mother and father had penetrative vaginal sexual intercourse. His ejaculate contained sperm. One sperm fertilised an egg. Sometime later I was born.

      A combination of genetic predisposition and the abuse that I sustained as a child created what I am.

      Yes my mother was and is a narcissist.

      1. Sues423 says:

        You are assuming that’s how you were created..you weren’t actually there 🙃

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes I was, I was the twinkle in my father’s eye and the mirror in my mother’s.

          1. Sues423 says:

            Haha! Touche’

            Twinkle twinkle giant star, Mr Tudor is who you are..
            Always there to do your part..
            Helping those that have a heart… ❤️

          2. robins359 says:

            I love that! You are quite the little poet. 😉

          3. robins359 says:

            Yes I was, I was the twinkle in my father’s eye and the mirror in my mother’s.

            You have such a way with words! 😉

      2. Lol, Someone is getting tired of that question. Just put that on the please read these answers before asking a question List and just respond please see the list. You can say the “you effing epsilon-minus semi-moron” to yourself.

      3. MLA - Clarece says:

        Thank you for that very clinical description of HG’s conception. Wow!

      4. K says:

        I love reading about graphic sex! Thanks HG!

      5. Lou says:

        Oh! HG, I thought you were a god. You mean, you were actually created through penetrative vaginal sex like the rest of us? 😲🤔

      6. Lou says:

        Oh i see. You were there. Ever presence. That’s more like a god indeed.

      7. Sues423 says:

        Thank you Robins359.

        I should have been a greeting card writer. LOL!

  24. Diva says:

    Who told you that you were “a good man?” Just curious!!!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Numerous people have Diva.

  25. abrokenwing says:

    Yes. We accept you the way you are.

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