Protection

PROTECTION

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

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28 Comments

  1. Only two words come to mind

    Cognitive Dissonance

    Hearing what I want and ignoring what I was hearing

    Weapons do not win battles. Your mind, powerful it is-
    Master Yoda

  2. Narvissists kid themselves bc they do think these things more or less. They are looking for protection from facing their past and emptiness. Instead of facing what happened to them and working thru their fears they cover it up by seeking protection from their many sources. Codependant on their fuel to distract them from what they keep running from…the truth. Instead the truth stays deeply buried and the fuel helps keep it there.

  3. That is the one. The one that landed me. So carefully chosen from the tackle box, it is the fly that worked. Even reading your words now, KNOWING who you are, knowing your intent to enlighten us; I’d be lying if I said it had no effect. There is something magical, alluring, about a man expressing such a vulnerable wound. When he casts this hope of salvation at an empath, we find it nearly irresistible bait. And so we take him in; the radiant hope of being his saviour disguising the barbed hook within. At first we don’t realize what has happened, and we are let out on the line while he plays with us. The hook is set, so there is no need to hurry. Our awareness comes too late, with our heroically pointless flailing only serving to entertain. As the line is taken in, we eventually begin to tire. Our thrashing replaced with a quiet horror that stills us, as we ponder the fate we have helped secure. As we are drawn closer to him, we begin see that his wound now more resembles an open, jagged maw.

    HG, do you ever release?

      1. I could get addicted to Merripens posts, that one was particularly haunting……for a minute I thought she was back…………Diva

  4. Ouch. And yet, so true. Women were brought up to be nurturers, mothers, caretakers. It’s hard-wired. At least, until their lives fall apart because of a narcissist. And then this becomes a warning sign of who to avoid.

  5. I remember this one. Boy oh boy it’s straight out of all the narcs I was with playbook.. And I LOVED it. I wanted to be the one that healed them, helped them become their full potential!
    We empaths can see who these men are really supposed to be. We see behind the veil. I saw past the “show” they tried to put on in the beginning as well. I still know they are called to good things, but are so wrapped up in self hatred and in a victim mentality that they are blind to this.
    Reading this now does not provoke pain like the first time. My healing is growing. 6 months has done much! I believe a year from the breakup I will feel no pain regarding him.

  6. I am all about protecting myself……nothing more and nothing less…..it’s taken me decades to get to this stage…….no man will be getting past the fortress to spin me that spiel. (as good as it was!!!!!)……Diva

    1. Ughhh, but Diva, but his words are like crack!

      what !? i’m fine. totally cool

      i got this

      why’re you looking at me like that…

      1. “Ughhh, but Diva, but his words are like crack!”

        Hey Merripen…….Here are some more words for you………..rat, crass, ass, sin, scar, snit, sans, antics, astir, crisis, rant, ricin, insist, strain, stain, stir, act, satiric, saint (pretend) and finally sain…………..it is no coincidence that all of these words are “words within the word narcissist.” …….Does that explain “why’re you looking at me like that?”..…..Diva

        1. Whew, I needed that! Thanks, Diva.

          btw, your word-in-word thing is brilliant. that kind of wordplay is so fun! i especially love ricin

  7. It made me sad reading this, kinda relates to my ex in so many ways. He had a bad childhood a mother who was a slut, his cousin is his half brother both his siblings fathered by the uncle and other unknown and to top it off his father is not his father, more to this story, his ex wasn’t any better both his children not his different fathers, I didn’t know any of this until well into our marriage, however did know his mother mistreated him before I married him, could never understand why he treated me so badly at times when I did nothing wrong, then did a bit of googling came up narcissist, it got increasingly worse nearing his 40’s and when he turned 50 it became a nightmare to live with him, Thank you HG for all your posts they help me a lot in dealing with the breakdown of the marriage.

  8. I think it is the most dangerous and the most effective weapon in the Narc’s arsenal. But if you don’t listen to his/her words and attentively WATCH what he/she is doing, you’ll never be fooled.

    But one time, I heard those words and they were truthful. Those words were said by my best school friend. He was a son of extremely malignant Patrinarc and Bipolar mother. We weren’t in any romantic relationship, but he was the closest and dearest person for me. He was the really broken empathic soul and, finally, he gave up and took his life away. I was 5 minutes late to save his life. His personal story is extremely horrible and, maybe, one day I will tell it.

  9. We fall for this beautifully worded rouse, because we feel for you and believe you.
    Because we want protection and we feel we have found it with you.

    We seek to nurture the wounded child In you and wrongfully believe you seek to do the same for us.
    It is that belief that blinds us to your true motive and our love for you that binds us to you.

    There is much truth in your words here, HG.
    Just that they are being used for a different purpose that we understand them to mean at the time.

    You were: fragile and broken at one time.
    You are good enough and loveable.
    You are jealous and they are pretenders to you.
    You are seeking the one from many, but you do not crave love or salvation.
    You retain the power, no one has power over you.
    You do not seek redemption, but only revenge.
    You do not desire love, but instead control and power over another.

    Beautifully written HG.

  10. We fall for it because there is so much truth in it. His mother broke my husband. I now know I can’t fix him, his pieces can’t be put back together again because she stepped on them and crushed them into oblivion. He deserved so much better.

  11. Well this totally negates everything I just commented most recently in attachment is the seat of misery I see now narcs are indeed poison to empaths our concern is mocked there is no desire whatsoever for a narc to heal themselves they enjoy their life we empaths need to take the concern we have for narcs and channel it into something more productive like trying to roll a snowball up a hill in summertime and trying to bring about world peace by standing on a hilltop sharing a coke

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