A Letter To the Narcissist – No. 4



Dear Mr H

You seduced, you stole, you exalted, you annihilated,
You elevated, you decimated, you connected, you sucked me dry,
You opened me up, you closed me down,
You delivered me to ecstasy, you devalued and discarded me,
You were sensual, you were sardonic,
You made my heart smile, you tore out my soul,
You put me on a marble pedestal, you stoned me with your vicious tongue,
You bathed my heart in liquid gold, you buried me in quick sand,
You crowned me as your princess, you burnt me at the stake,
You were my prophecy, you were my Satan,
Your hands knew every inch of me,
You tore out my essence and trampled my boundaries,
You pledged unity only with me, you labelled me a whore and cheated,
You held me tightly in your arms, you suffocated the life out of me,
You cast, you hooked, you netted, you feasted,
You made every nerve ending shiver deliciously,
You were my divine intervention, you became my nervous breakdown,
You disconnected me from my higher power,
You were luminous, you illuminated, you are an illusion,
You loved and yet you didn’t
Because love is real. And you are not.

Sincerely Not Yours

Miss S

46 thoughts on “A Letter To the Narcissist – No. 4

  1. Lisa says:

    I re-read this letter today. I wanted to do that before I responded. It cetainly hits the spot. Very well thought out. Very apt in the thought process of this victim. I loved it. I am not able to put words together so beautifully. I wish I could. Well done Miss S.

  2. Sillyolperson says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Most eloquent and captivating, it was deep hearted!
    Thank you Miss S

  3. foolme1time says:

    Beautifully done Miss S! Thank you for putting into words thoughts that must of us have had! 🌷

  4. K says:

    Miss S
    Your words are sublime and capture the very essence of the heartbreak and grief that many of us here know all too well.

    “You were luminous, you illuminated, you are an illusion,
    You loved and yet you didn’t
    Because love is real. And you are not.”


    1. Miss Swain says:

      Thank you K.

  5. Rhyming Fun says:

    This is a richly eloquent letter, and stunning in its imagery, and depth.

  6. analise13 says:

    Beautiful, poetic and honest. The last two letters have well expressed emotions I feel regarding the Narcissist.
    They understand the pain and they chose not to weighted by hatred.
    That is not easy. To sacredly release anger and pain. It takes strength.

    Thank you Miss S.

    When I read these words, I thought only a midrange or Greater cerebral or elite narcissist would comprehend these words and their meaning.
    Certainly not a lesser. He would be lost in the word weaving artistry.

    But, none would wholly acknowledge her pain or the meaning behind these profound words.
    But, only see the veiled criticism.

    They might acknowledge the writing skill, but not their own behaviour in the words.
    For me, the words are not for them. They are for the writer, who feels them deeply.
    It matters not the response of the intended reader/narcissist. In this exercise.

    Thank you HG for allowing your talented followers to showcase their exquisite writings and expressions.
    For releasing any sense of jealousy for the praise they receive for doing so.
    Bravo HG. This is wonderful.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have no difficulty in allowing people a voice here, it evidences a further part of the dynamic.

      1. analise13 says:

        It is idyllic that you do so, HG.
        Even when that voice is critical to you.
        There is something very special created here.

      2. Yolo says:

        I think after reading all of H.G. work. He serves as the perfect muse and challenges us to tap into our creativity writing it down although not sending to narcs is a great tool to use for healing.

        Thank you H.G. for helping us see clearly to start gathering our thoughts and being able to effectively articulate our experiences. We all learn from each other’s experiences without judgment, criticism or jealousy.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Pleasure, I am pleased to see you understand the concept of this series.

    2. Miss Swain says:

      Thank you, Analise. I could never send this letter to the intended recipient becuase it would indeed ignite the fiercest of furies and be seen as a veiled criticism by the N. Instead, it has been an exercise in catharsis to write, share and read the responses. There is something quite raw and vulnerable about this letter-sharing that has allowed us to voice our truths and connect with each other. Our binding twine that we have suffered and survived the same pain.

      I have found the most effective way to release the pain is through love and forgiveness. Hatred, anger and resentment are all necessary stages of emotion to feel and to process, but ulitmately they hurt only the victim, not the perpetrator. They also keep us ‘stuck’. To move on from victim / martyr to survivor / warrior, we must release the negative emotion to allow true healing.

      I want to reach a stage where I can confidently say that everything (within reason!) in my life I have either created, promoted or allowed. This cultivates feelings of strength, personal responsibility and self empowerment. It also supports the notion that our choices create our reality.

      One without a Narc is a good enough place to start!

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Those are very wise words.

      2. analise13 says:

        Your words are perfection, Miss Swain.

        Anytime we effectively communicate our feelings to further our own and others healing. We win.

        The binding twine term explains it well. Untangling the mess created.

        I follow your philosophy as well. It helps me to move on. Where anger and hatred would only hurt me.

        Thank you again.

  7. ajo says:

    Awesome!!! I 100% relate to this. I love it!!

  8. Scout says:

    Now there’s a letter we’ve all written and never sent lest we ignite the volcanic rage…

    Great piece, HG.

    1. Scout says:

      Sincere apologies Miss Swain, the credit is of course entirely yours. A masterful piece of writing.

  9. Kim michaud says:

    I can relate definitely

  10. PhoenixRising says:

    Perfectly captured and beautifully written!

  11. narc affair says:

    This really gets across the rollercoaster dynamic in a narc relationship. All the highs and lows that keep us bound. Beautifully written! Ty for sharing 🙂

  12. andrea mcdonnell says:

    Wow this is exactly how it felt for me … beautifully written . I just thank my lucky stars I was able to stick to no contact , I treated him like a drug and told myself I was in rehab from him. I knew this was my only chance of escape, it has been almost a year . Thankyou for your letter and Thankyou HG for advice on No contact .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

    2. Miss Swain says:

      I did the same Andrea. I actually found it easier giving up alcohol than giving up the Narcissist. I don’t miss the wine but ‘No Contact’ has been hard, and the withrdrawal symptoms from the N even harder. I’ve stumbled once or twice with the hooking and the hoovering but I try to remind myself that to be sucked in again will leave me feeling a thousand times more shattered than the worst hangover. Well done on doing almost a year. I salute you!

  13. Cg67 says:

    My thoughts, written precisely. Well done!

  14. Deneene says:

    Beautifully written letter. Every word is true. What I fail to understand is why, after all that, do I still love him? How can I still love a Beast…?

    1. Miss Swain says:

      Thanks Deneene. I personally don’t hate the narcissist. In fact, I was only able to dissolve the trauma bonds we shared by (metaphorically) sending him love and forgiveness. I realised that the N’s treatment of me revealed a lesson about my own unhealed wounds. Those same wounds that have had me leaping into unhealthy, codependent relationships all my life. Every time I was love-bombed or devalued, the N was holding up a mirror to show me which aspects of my soul I needed to work on to ensure that I NEVER, EVER attracted the same roller coaster of abuse into my life again.

      I appreciate that this path of love and forgiveness is not for everyone but it has certainly worked for me. Applying HG’s cold, hard, critical logic has helped too – mostly by ‘understanding’ how the N works and why. And remember, just like the fable, the Beast is nothing without his Beauty. He quickly pines and withers away in her absence. So, take your Beauty where she will be valued. The Beast will eventually destroy you, but without you, he will be destroyed anyway x

    2. blondie says:

      Because. what he mirrored back to you in the loving stage WAS you! YOU are lovable!! Return that love to yourself, and take credit for the qualities they wanted to steal for their own. They can never be you!

  15. Diva says:

    Miss S……..Your efforts are painfully beautiful, it is like a work of art to me. It is akin to taking many, if not all, of HG’s articles, processing and condensing them and this is the end result. Never, have so few words, said, or meant so much to me.
    Beauty is morphed with the pain so effectively throughout your work on every sentence, however the real beauty of your efforts is not revealed until the end. The only true beauty is in the fact that you escaped…….Sincerely Yours……Diva

    1. Merripen says:


      I feel the same! This is a profound letter.

      1. Diva says:

        I knew you would feel the same Merripen…..we are peas in a pod…..I am not saying birds of a feather anymore, because HG has ruined it……no surprise there…….he has to stick to his strengths!……..Diva

    2. Miss Swain says:

      Thank you, Diva. I never sent the letter to the intended recipient because I knew he did not possess the capacity to understand the pain I felt. For him it would only ever be read as a veiled criticism – an arrow to cause narcissistic injury. I have since realised that my higher-self wrote this letter. The same authentic self that had, for two long years, been tugging my intuition, hammering the door to my consciousness, begging me to open my eyes, wake up, smell the roses and get the hell out. So, escape I finally did. Faithfully and sincerely, with my nerves in tatters, but my dignity intact.

      1. Diva says:

        Miss S……well you woke up far earlier than I did……Diva

  16. Merripen says:

    Miss S
    Yours hurts the most, yet, because your words have laid me open as if they were my own. You found that beautiful, sharp edge between the two sides of the mirror, and walked me straight across it. Your letter poetically and visually expresses the dark and light of our entanglement with them. I am quite overcome.

    1. Deneene says:

      Yes, I agree.. as empathetic creatures, we relate to emotional responses. This letter says it all. I have not been able to escape my Beast yet.
      Like HG repeatedly suggests, I need to start viewing Him with cold hard logic, and less my emotions, otherwise I will never escape him.

      1. Merripen says:

        Definitely! It is the only way for us to sail out of their reach. I see HG as a shipwright and this forum is his boat building school for us. The logic and understanding he provides is the solid material we need (are lacking) in our emotional top-heaviness. We’ve been on our back heel for so long, that guidance helps us learn a new way. It takes some time and intent to work thru the anxiety and loss. Best wishes on your boat building!

        1. Deneene says:

          Interesting that you refer to it as boat building. I am drawn to water, and find my peaceful place on beaches and boats. I love the strenght and tides of the sea.
          Thank you for your encouragement.
          HG’s insights have given me a new perspective on my entire life, and the dynamics that are in play. For a very long time I believed that something was seriously wrong with me. That I wasn’t good enough. … maybe if I try harder…. sound familiar..?
          I am now realizing after many years, that I am not alone… it’s not just me….
          I am building my boat… I am going to sail away…

          1. Merripen says:

            You were meant to find this place. It made me smile to imagine you finding an easy peace with so vast and powerful a being as the sea. That is telling, I think.

            You are not alone in the way you are wired, and what you have suffered. It is the weirdest thing that knowing this somehow helps. We can all hurt together in our narc withdrawal symptoms , as we focus our intent on HG’s tutelage. A fresh breeze awaits. Wings and sails. I am so happy that you have begun.

    2. Miss Swain says:

      Such is the paradox that it both saddens and comforts to know that this struck a chord with you Merripen. I hope you can also find solace (as I have) in knowing that you were never alone amidst the debilitating extremes that the narcissist created. Somewhere in the world, at some point, others were/are living the same pain too. I am glad to be free now. Free to soar high and leave the trauma behind. I hope this letter inspires others to find their wings too. Sending much love and light x

      1. Merripen says:

        I am grateful for your comforting reminder of our solidarity regardless of time or distance. Our sufferings do unite us all, and survivors like you inspire those of us who are ready to fledge. Thank you, Miss Swain. Love and light to you as well, dear one. Enjoy your wings.

  17. Sha says:

    Siiighs breathless, as she wept broken
    from disillusionment.
    With brave wings she will fly now, free.
    Aiming higher and avoiding future temptations.

  18. Alex says:

    Breathtakingly brilliant!!!!
    Thank you!!!

    1. Miss Swain says:

      Thanks Alex.

  19. Erin says:

    This was so powerful, and beautifully written.
    It is good we can share these letters, get our words out, while not providing fuel to our narcissists. Thank you for sharing this, it was very moving.

    1. Miss Swain says:

      Thank you Erin. The process of sharing and reading these letters has been very cathartic. I wrote this a few months ago when the pain was still very raw. The trauma bonds have since been severed and I feel much lighter now 🙂

      1. Diane Bannard says:

        It moved and echoed as if it came from my own heart. Thank you for sharing it.

  20. Windstorm2 says:

    Very evocative and well written.

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