A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 22


A letter to a somatic upper lesser narcissist;


“Do you know that I know what you are? Do you know that I know that when you text me, call me or see me you look at me as an object of your self-prevalence? Do you know that I know that everything you tell me or share with me are all lies? Do you know that I know that you don’t love your children and that you can’t feel love at all? Do you know that I know that the only feelings you are able to feel are the dark feelings like envy, jealousy, fury, hate, and shame? Do you know that I know that when you look at me from across the room, and you see me talking and smiling to people around me, you are jealous of my contentment? Do you know that I know that when your daughter calls me instead of you she doesn’t do it to criticize you? Do you know that I know that your aim in every situation is a product of your jealousy, envy, anger or mistrust? Do you know that I know that all your lies are cover-ups for a very dark and evil side, a side you spend your everyday trying to camouflage? Do you know that I know that every human being in your life is an object and is for you to use as you see fit? Do you know that I know that you always think you have won every outburst, every argument, every silent treatment? Do you know that I don’t care anymore?

Of course, you don’t know.

Your brain’s frontal cortex is under developed and lack the important emotions to live a full live. Nothing or no one can ever change that. That is why I win. I too can feel the dark emotions you can, and use your perspectives to see the world, but since I am fully developed I don’t. I almost always use the perspectives that brings me closer to the people around me without manipulating them. I laugh, I love and I am nice to people, because that makes them and me feel good. That’s why I win.

Do you know why?

Of course, you don’t, but I will tell you anyway. I win, because even if you don’t care and even if your world functions just fine from your perspectives, I know and you don’t. So even if you are left with your fuel and self-righteousness after reading these words; remember that when I am free and move on, you don’t.

For everything you don’t know, know that.


47 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 22

  1. Sandy says:

    Well, sometimes moving on may involve an added strategy of estrogen pills added to his meals a few months before our divorce. Let’s wait and see if the effect is as anticipated. It’s would be worth it considering he brought me to my knees over 11 years.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Haha. Looks like it’s tits up for him.

  2. Just Me says:

    “Loss of control. For fuel and to exert control. To maintain the facade.”

    HG, that is more than one reason… it is three. Afraid I set myself up for that. Are you saying they don’t realize, Lesser and Midrange, that what they do is wrong?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lesser do not. Mid Range do recognise but do not own the consequence.

  3. K says:

    Your letter reminds me that narcissists are everywhere, camouflaged and hiding in plain sight. They are ruled by jealousy, envy, anger, lies and mistrust and we are objects that exist only to be used. And now, we know exactly what they are and we are able to move on. I can’t even begin to conceive of what it must be like to be in their shoes and need to find fuel all day long, stuck in an endless loop but, like you, I just don’t care anymore.

    1. Sunniva says:

      Good for you😊 for us.

  4. ajo says:

    Sorry, not sorry. This letter reminded me of that song. I’m not huge into pop music, but the lyrics are amaze. You’re f’ing with a SAVAGE!. Haha. Great letter!

    1. Sunniva says:

      Haha…I like the comparison. Me and Demi «dressing up as savages»💪🏻

  5. Tappan Zee says:

    I can’t find the thread with cars. Liked Narc Angels dick relationship to them. Needed to throw this out there. I cannot stand Carrie Underwoods music. Her voice is like singe-ing split ends to me. She had a song about vandalizng the car. I liked that.

  6. SuperXena says:

    Great job Sunnivan!
    Absolutely best part for me: ” For everything you don’t know, know that.”
    That final sentence says everything. Grand finale!

    1. Sunniva says:

      Tusen takk SX☺️
      Reading the letter in retrospect, I do see that I might came off a bit angry. I am not angry anymore🙏🏻 so if the words were oral, I think (and hope) that they would be said in a neutral tone.
      Håper du har det fantastisk😃

      1. SuperXena says:

        Varsågod Sunnivan!
        Anger is sometimes better than sadness …it triggers action…but in this case feeling nothing towards them is the ultimate aim.
        Great letter!
        Allt är bra tack, hoppas att allt är underbart med dig också!

    2. sunniva says:

      Godt å høre SX 🙂
      I’m just fine thank you.

      I agree, anger, in the right amount, can be very productive. At least for me.
      Every interaction with a narcissist will always be like a mexican standoff, and who wants that? I have found peace with my narcissists in the past. My aim now is not to attract them to me in the future.
      And. luckily for me (us) a mastermind to prevent just that is to be found right here on this blog 🙂

      Stay strong!

      1. SuperXena says:

        Trevligt att höra att allt är bra med dig SN,
        *Skratt* “Mexican stand off “….interesting that you used that phrase . I am quite familiar with it. No,no, Mexican stand offs are not good but actually quite hilarious. Actually, I had many of “those ” ( no guns involved of course) with my ex . Can you imagine a Swedish guy with an imaginary Mexican huge hat playing” macho”.? He used to describe those situations as ” låst läge” ( I call them circular conversations) and he obviously made me responsible for them.

        Yes anger is definitely better in some instances than i.ex. passiveness or numbness.

        Good to know that you have made peace with yourself concerning your ex narcissists.
        Ha det gott!

        Sent from my iPad

    3. Sunniva says:

      Haha SX now you made me laugh😅 A scandinavian in a mexican standoff is too funny!
      Of course, he would blame you. Standing on the other side looking great and grand in your sombrero would spike his envy and jealousy for sure😉 And it is great to «hear» you laugh😃

      I knew you could relate to it. This happened all the time during devaluation with the Berlin Greater. An example: He would send his driver (during the golden period he was always in the car himself) and the outfit for the evening would be ready in the car. I refused to put it on, and when I got out of the car he spotted me from across the street. He just starred at me for five long minutes, and I knew I had to give in. So I took the dress out of the car, and only then he walked over to meet me. He grabbed me and smelled my neck (his trade mark with me) and said: «If you don’t smell healthy and clean, as you always do, I will send you back home».
      I can not believe that it has taken me all these years to understand what he is. He has invited me to his christmas party, and I have not, and will not replay. But I have thought on your advice concerning a consultation with HG, and I will have to book one promptly☺️

      Vi snakkes snart igjen SX😃

  7. Just Me says:

    Why does the narcissist fear exposure? Why does he maintain a facade? Why does most abuse happen behind closed doors? There is only one answer… they know their behavior is wrong.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Loss of control. For fuel and to exert control. To maintain the facade.

  8. Kim michaud says:


  9. narc affair says:

    Very true and because you know and are knowledgable about npd you do win. I used to hear “knowledge is power” all the time and its true! Being uninformed and in the dark is a scary place but knowledge sheds light on these areas and helps to deal with them. You know what you were dealing with and can choose to live life as much as you can without it and thats empowering! 👍

    1. narc affair says:

      I meant to add HG has given us this knowledge which im grateful for!! Im very thankful that npd has made its way out and discussed. Its been sich an enigma and casting light on it has helped in so many areas of life. Work has been a big area its helped me. Just knowing how to deal with these sorts and protect myself.

    2. Sunniva says:

      Narc affair,
      I couldn’t agree with you more.

  10. Erin says:

    I really liked this letter, the author seems like a strong, confident person who now has the situation under control. It sounds like someone who could diminish the narc’s poison on others, which is a rare gift. Lots of love and admiration for this author!

    1. Sunniva says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I will take them with me on my way to freedom.
      You know, I bumped into him and his entourage the other day, and I actually managed to laugh at him. Aaahh…the look on his face😅 I can honestly say; I hope you all will feel that feeling of freedom one day💪🏻


    I don’t agree with saying ‘Your brain’s frontal cortex is under developed’, that means they have good reason for what they do & can’t help it, which means they’re not evil & don’t know what they’re doing. It also vilifies every person that has PTSD as a result of horrific child abuse , as their pre-frontal cortex isn’t developed either & i suffer that but i still have deep empathy for others.

    1. Sunniva says:

      I would never intend to put you under the same umberella as a lesser narcissit. These words, to my somatic upper lesser narcissist, would be a strike to his pride, because he would not be able to look at himself as anything but perfect. You and I, on the other hand, we live very well with our imperfections, because they make us human. Something that he never will be to the same extent as you and I.

  12. Suzie says:

    People just keep blaming the narcissist. They are who they are not necessarily because they want to be that way, but because they are not evolved enough to be any other way. How can you be angry at a kindergartner for not knowing algebra? How can you expect them to know what adults know. People of the light are more evolved, they understand universal concepts. Narcissists do not. They are not there yet. Yes it seems petty and immature. Yet how can you expect them to act like an adult when they clearly are not? We get so angry and hurt. But why expect so much from someone who is incapable of giving? They are still children of course they play games. That is also why they are so appealing. We like that playful spirit of fun. But we need to have discernment enough to know that they are not mature, so we cannot expect mature behavior.

    1. Kelee Marion says:

      When the man hits my child or tells me that she’s not sick while in his care….yet the doctor tells me she has pneumonia….damn straight i’m going to be mad. Stop making excuses for psychopaths.

      1. Tappan Zee says:


      2. Erin says:

        I think the point is that the narcs are what they are, and we cannot expect more from them. We didn’t KNOW they were blind, but now that we do we must not expect them to drive and we must not give them our car. We can be angry at them for not telling us they were blind in the first place, but some of them don’t even think they need glasses!
        It’s unfortunate.

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      Suzie— it’s called adulting. they can check out if it’s too hard. but they get zero passes to hurt others. they can choose different behavior when it suits them. that is a choice. rudimentary example? how they act before the police and how they act upon arrival. ta-da. you just faked being kind and decent because it suited YOU. do it more.

    3. Tappan Zee says:

      Suzie— your emotional thinking is on tilt. my gawd do i get that. ugg.. but one more thing. these “children” are leaders of the free world. they work in schools and churches. they rape. kill. molest. you know that’s all about power. and control. right? it’s not cute. childish rage modes yes. but they are not children. they are in proximity of us. not just “lone wolf” shooters in vegas (narc psycho path) but EVERY WHERE. poor vegas asshole? poor trump? for fucks sake. NO. hold every last one accountable for their behavior all day every day and maybe some heinous acts could be halted before they happen. what are these crimes? culminations of never being held accountable. getting away with it. because of their coterie and all the other words used to label their objects & machinations. not ok. they get away with it because not only do we LET them we endorse them. potus? case in point. there are millions more.

    4. kimmichaud1 says:

      A narcissist especially a lesser if he beats women knows his behaviour is unacceptable by society’s standards and the standards of the law so if he keeps getting in trouble legally he has the choice to stop or continue we all have unacceptable thoughts or feelings sometimes but we have a choice on wet her we act on them. As far as expecting too much from narcs most people when they’re in a relationship with a narcotics don’t know they’re a narcotics so yeah they’re going to expect reasonable behaviour

      1. kimmichaud1 says:

        Narc not narcotic

    5. Noname says:

      I agree with Suzie. The hate is not a choice. They are what they are. But. That doesn’t mean, they aren’t accountable.

      There is a quote from Ann Rule book “The stranger beside me” about Ted Bundy’s life. It shows how non-judgmentally and very professionally Judge Edward Cowart handled the court process and gave his final verdict to Ted Bundy.

      “And so, at long last, there was no one left but Ted Bundy and Judge Edward Cowart. Antagonists, yes, but the two men had a kind of grudging admiration for one another. Another time, another place, and it might have all been so different. Never before had Cowart had such a literate, educated, wryly humorous defendant come before him. He too could see the waste, the roads not taken, and yet he had to do what he had to do.

      “It is ordered that you be put to death by a current of electricity, that that current be passed through your body until you are dead.”

      At that moment, it was clear that Cowart would have wished that things might have been different. He looked at Ted and said softly, “Take care of yourself, young man.”
      “Thank you.”

      “I say that to you sincerely; take care of yourself.
      It’s a tragedy for this court to see such a total waste of humanity that I’ve experienced in this courtroom. You’re a bright young man. You’d have made a good lawyer, and I’d have loved to have you practice in front of me-but you went another way, partner. Take care of yourself. I don’t have any animosity to you. I want you to know that.”
      “Thank you.”
      “Take care of yourself.””

      Rule, Ann. The Stranger Beside Me. Signet, 2000, paperback. P.435.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you for sharing that Noname. How odd, to tell someone who is going to die to take care of himself. What’s the point, unless the judge was trying to assuage some feeling of guilt at handing down a death sentence? Or maybe he was being sarcastic but nobody realised? What is your take on his comments?

      2. Noname says:

        Hmm… Perhaps I don’t “feel” the English to such degree yet… I thought, that a phrase “Take care of yourself” sounds like an identical russian phrase “Береги себя” (Beregii sebia). It is just a calm, neutral and polite way to finish the conversation.

        If you see something menacing in Judge Cowart’s speech, you know better then and I was mistaken.

        Interesting, if the Cowart’s speech was said without that phrase (he said it twice by the way), how would it sound? Kind? Evilous? Sarcastic?

      3. Tappan Zee says:

        Noname– i just watched (how ironic) an interview w/Bundy filmef the night before he died. i want to say it was 87-ish. he said exposure to porn, espcially hard core (violent) was toxic to him and “helped” frame his mind in youth. he really drove that point home. i have no idea why i watched or was compelled to. never seen or read a thing about him before. it was very telling. and i wondered why we don’t listen to psyhopaths more? i mean wth did he have to lose. telling the truth. or his “version” of it.

      4. Noname says:

        Sorry, he said it (take care of ypurself) four times, not twice*.

      5. Noname says:

        I re-read that quote and some texts before and after it and I have a feeling, that those words weren’t sarcastic. They feel like an attempt (maybe clumsy in some way) of support, of excuse.

        The Judge wasn’t maliciously glad or triumphant saying them. He sympathized to Ted Bundy. But, law is law and rules are rules. Ted Bundy broke them consciously, so he got what he got. Nothing personal.

      6. Windstorm2 says:

        I don’t know where this judge was from, but in the south, “Take care” or “Take of yourself” is a common way to say “goodbye and I wish you well.”

      7. Noname says:

        Tappan Zee,

        Yeah, american Ted Bundy and russian Andrey Chikatilo cases are the “Bible” for Criminal Psychiatrists. The court processes were public and open, so we have a lot of documents to analize their personalities.

        I read Ann Rule book in 2001 in Russian (someone translated it unofficially for “internal use” lol). I think it is the most objective non-professional book about Ted Bundy. Ann Rule was his NISS (friend), according to Tudor’s terminology. She was a Criminal Writer, very smart and sensitive woman, and her desctiption of his personality is pretty exact. Moreover, it permits to see a psychopath’s modus operandi in action, in real life. I highly recommend to read this book to everyone.

      8. Noname says:


        Thank you for explanation! It makes a sense. That Judge was born in Florida, USA. “Good bye and I wish you well” feels absolutely revelant in the context of his speech. Thank you again.

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          You’re welcome. It’s always easy to misunderstand different cultures. That’s an advantage to this site. Since we all come from so many different backgrounds, we can help each other figure things out. 😊

      9. o,,, says:

        Good post!
        Every life is valuable, potent and in essence free. It is the sadest thing to have the responsibility for its death. (that is another story )
        Sadness is not necessarily guilt.

        just saying

    6. PHILIP says:

      But what if they know they are doing a great deal of harm … and just don’t care? What if they know they could be kind, thoughtful and empathic and just decide to be hateful, mean and selfish. They seem to be able to manifest these actions of kindness, et. al. when it benifits them in status and gets them the response they seek, but behind the closed doors… they are nothing but Evil? I just can’t contribute that NARC behavior to a child or an underdeveloped frontal cortex. There’s an instance when they know they have a choice to be empathic…but seem choice to be cruel … just to show themselves how powerful they are by extracting pain. ???

      1. Sunniva says:

        As we all have read over and over from the words of a greater elite narcissist on this blog, a narcissist from the Lesser school does not know. This letter is to a Lesser.
        A scientific contribution to the NPD has shown that a narcissist lacks certain emotions, and as HG has told us, they do not and will not care.
        BUT; this is merely an explanation, it is NEVER an excuse.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fair points.

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