LoveSex Addiction


In many instances there is often the lament following discard (and even escape) that although your experience with our kind was horrendous beyond measure the sex was out of this world. You miss the sex to an incredible degree. The sex was mind-blowing, intense, hugely satisfying and unlike anything else you have known. Now I know this is not always the case, there are some of our kind who are not interested in sex and some who are useless at it and in those instances you have more than likely been ensnared by a Victim Narcissist. That is not the topic of discussion today. Today we focus on those of our kind who are the sexual Olympian who thrilled and delighted you between the sheets (and plenty of other places too). One of the reasons our kind uses sex as a weapon is because of the addictive quality that we create around the sexual experience you have with us. Why is sex with us so addictive? There are actually several reasons, but the one I wish to focus on today is the concept of LoveSex. This is the link between Love and Sex.

We do not dissuade you from making such a link. In fact we positively encourage you to do this. The way that we seduce you and the way that we love bomb you is designed to inject love into sex so that they effectively become indistinguishable from one another. We are fully aware that irrespective of how self-sufficient you may like to think that you are, how independently you might lead your life, you still have that desire for the white knight. Again, this relates to the way that you have been conditioned by society to regard love and romance. We know about this and exploit this. An honest examination of your thoughts and feelings will result in your admitting that at least on one occasion you have wanted that dashing knight to come riding in on his charger, sweep you in his arms and then take you through to the bedroom where he makes tender and delicious love to you. You have been conditioned to expect to be treated like a princess and we do this when we place you on that pedestal during our love bombing of you. Sex is no different. You want to be taken care of in the bedroom, loved and made to feel special. By providing all of this when we have sex with you then we are blurring the lines between sex and love, binding the two together. Since we are so magnificent in our delivery of delicious and rewarding sex then this entwined sex and love causes you to feel a very special kind of love, better than anything else you have experienced before. We apply all of the loving techniques when we have sex with you. The tender, romantic, slow and caring way we caress and hold you before easing into you all accords with this almost dream-like perception of how sex should be. We do however go further than this traditional model of the handsome prince making sweet, delicate love to his beautiful princess. When we suddenly take you from behind, hitch up your skirt and bend you over a worktop or the back of the settee and have vigorous sex with you we will look to ensure that this type of sex is entwined with love. How do we do this? With words of course. Words come easily to us and are cheap to use. So as we are hammering away and you are admittedly enjoying this spontaneous and energetic sex we will be telling you things such as:-

“I just had to have you. You were stood there and I was overwhelmed with love for you.”

“I love you so much I needed to have you there and then.”

“You do something to me that makes me almost lose control. That is how much I love you.”

“I am so in love with you I just needed to be inside you.”

“You make me crazy in love, I cannot help myself.”

We reinforce this urgent sex with being linked to just how powerful and amazing our love is. The sex itself feels fantastic and when you hear those magical words being said to you from behind the two are melded together. The sex could not be regarded as romantic but that does not matter. Such rampant desire for you to be taken in this manner can only be a symptom of our love for you. This reinforcement will happen over and over again. From the obvious slow, tender love-making through to the quick knee-trembler on a table through to you fellating us in a parked car, we will cause you to associate all of these sexual acts as being manifestations of our truly remarkable love. Eventually, the word sex becomes eroded and every time we do something which is sexual in nature it is seen as love. Everything we do together in the sexual arena is born of love, is because of love and is a manifestation of love.

You are unable to resist this blurring of the boundaries between love and sex. You are not able to prevent sex actually subsuming the notion of love and cloaking itself in the name of love. This lack of resistance happens for two reasons. Firstly, the nature of our sexual couplings with you is so intense and enjoyable you want them and you want them repeatedly. Secondly, aside from the use of sex as a weapon, during the seduction stage you are being love bombed on lots of different fronts. We are saying beautiful things to you, writing you poems and love letters, buying you gifts, taking you to special places, looking after you when you feel ill, introducing you to our friends and so on. This onslaught of loving behaviour magnifies what we are doing on the sexual side. You are surrounded by loving behaviour so that it permeates into everything that we do with you, including sex. Accordingly, over time sex and love become bound up together. The great sex we provide to you translates as the marvellous love that we have for you. Sex is love, love is sex and it feels amazing causing you to become addicted to the sensation. We create lovesex and it is a powerful way of creating an addiction in you.

Listen to ‘LoveSex Addiction’

170 thoughts on “LoveSex Addiction

  1. Not So Sad says:

    Good morning HG ..

    Can I ask your opinion please .

    Prince Harrys ” whirlwind ” romance with Megan Markle, I can see a lot of Red Fags flying . Narc ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Who do you think is the narcissist and what are the red flags you see?

      1. Ugotit says:

        I adore prince harry please don’t tell me he’s a narc lol

  2. Georgia says:

    So that’s what is going on. When i get asked what I love about him, the thing that comes to mind is sex. Now I have more information. Thank you.

  3. Medusa says:

    He not only fucked my body, but also fucked my mind, made me want to make love in every moment and place, took me to the extreme, without limits. When the mask slipped the intimacy became mechanical and rude, many times at the end of the act I felt disoriented and with an unstoppable desire to cry, he looked at me with empty eyes like a predatory animal looks at his prey, I still remember his eyes about me … He always tells me that I will not find another man with whom to have that complicity and sexual chemistry that flowed between the two

    1. Narc Angel says:


      Well he would say that now wouldnt he? Doesnt mean its true-that part is up to you.

      1. Medusa says:

        Thanks Narc Angel … the addiction is very strong, I have been training my will for years, and thanks to having realized that I was in love with a narcissist, which was something that I discovered instinctively, I started studying about them to protect myself . “No contact” did not last more than two months in all these years, I avoided seeing him in person, but every time he looks for me, I think he may need me and I will not be there. to give my help and I can not say NO! … I can see that he manipulates me with his words, before facing him, but today I think he only exhausts me and I prefer peace between the two … sometimes I disappear for days and I do not let him enter my world, but when He contacts me again and ignores me and hurts me with negative comments, that hurts me a lot, I stop fighting with that and I take refuge in learning, because that makes me see that everything that happens is not something personal with me, it is their way of being … when I see it through this prism, it only fills me with compassion.

    2. gabbanzobean says:


      “He not only fucked my body, but also fucked my mind, made me want to make love in every moment and place, took me to the extreme, without limits.”

      Word for word this!!!!! I could have typed this verbatim!

  4. But lets get off the subject of sex, and talk about sex.

    The narc is using your body against you with the sex (at least if it is good enough to be orgasmic) whether they operate instinctively, or knowingly.

    Oxytocin is released in the brain during sex/orgasm, which causes bonding and trust. Conversely, in borderline personality disorder, oxytocin seems to increase distrust.

    Maybe the narcissist distrust increases,also, or maybe the receptors are damaged or non-existent. Maybe no oxytocin release.

    But it is another tool to bind you to them.
    Just as some will use sleep deprivation against you . If your body has been co-opted for their use to control you, you have even less resource to protect yourself, nevermind escaping.

    So why doesn’t masturbation cause more self love and self trust? Damn!!!

    (Stupid spellcheck must be addicted to drugs. Keeps trying to change oxytocin to Oxycontin. Different addiction, spellcheck. Expand your vocabulary, please..)

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      The narc is using your body against you with the sex (at least if it is good enough to be orgasmic) whether they operate instinctively, or knowingly

      ^RIGHT. so helpful perse.

  5. RJ says:

    Been with the same woman for the last 21 years. Sex is like anything else related to the senses. Well not LIKE anything else exactly for obvious reasons. Take that strawberry ice cream again for example. Sometimes its better tasting than others, may linger longer in the bowl then melts, or perhaps a spoonful is all you need. Sometimes you get skull freeze and gotta take in deep breaths through the nose to recover. It’ not gonna be great all the time. It is a big deal though. Other wise nothing would Do IT. Damn I want some. Stawberry ice cream.

    1. Narc Angel says:


      Strawberry is good. Predictable in color, dependable for the most part in taste and texture. Satisfying. Theres usually more in the fridge and you know what to expect when you go back for more. But maybe you take the reigns and change it up. A good quality vanilla for a base this time-creamy and slow churned. Take your time to present it in your best china. Now add some sliced strawberries that have been splashed with balsamic vinegar, a dusting of sugar, and left out for about 1/2 an hour resulting in a juicy river of deliciousness that cuts through the vanilla and a tangy berry that explodes in your mouth with unexpected flavour and makes them want to lick the bowl…………………

      Dont serve it every time though.

  6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I can’t feel their words. Their words don’t move me. If you can’t feel the words it’s because it’s bullshit and is insincere.

  7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    If you want to entertain these recycled lines – by all means knock yourself out but realize what they are and do what you want with them.

    Most will hear these lines and think they are special…

    The select few will realize what is going on and play along anyway…

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Others will hear them and disengage because they it’s bullshit.

  8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Words mean nothing.

    The same words and lines are being used over and over – SO CLEAR it is honestly mind blowing.

  9. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Has anyone else picked up on the pattern that I have picked up on?

    I’m controlling myself right now.

    All I will say is that I see plenty of recycled lines.

    Oh how they are recycled over and over.

    1. Narc Angel says:

      Dr HQ

      Lotta lines on this page-you may have to narrow the bullshit down. In reference to comments about your letter? or those claiming to be Narc whisperers?

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I will begin by saying that there are some people here who are unfortunately very suggestible and a lot of familiar lines are popping up over and over again.

        Yes, the narc whisperers….

        We are very much on the same page.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I’m just going to say Jason Moss.

        As you know, 95% of the time I’m direct. This is a rare instance I’m not.

        Know that we are on the same page. Lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          He tried to manipulate manipulators, never a wise move.

    2. Narc Angel says:

      Dr HQ

      Sing along to the tune of the Wizard of Oz with me……

      🎶 Oh the land of Tudor is a funny funny place
      Where select commenters don a very sexy face
      Claim vaginas made of gold
      Think others hearing it never gets old (eye roll)
      Like they could snag the Master of blogs 🎶

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Narc angel,

        I’m dying 😂…

        It makes things so much easier cause we are on the same wavelength lol.

    3. Rubyx says:

      My line is from Outlander, Season 2. I do admit to stealing it, but I love it.

  10. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I mean to be fair, I haven’t had sex with many people but I’m just not impressed lol. I mean you can like teach people and ultimately train people how to please you and what not but I mean – again…no big deal.

  11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I used to be extremely sexually driven and to be real with all of you – it is all so overrated. The build up and the fantasy is way more exciting than the actual act. Most of the time when you engage in the act with someone it doesn’t live up to your expectations.

    1. Not necessarily. I may have been lucky.

    2. Salome says:

      This is a problem of every creative woman…

  12. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Sex is overrated and we let it control us far too much. The truth is that fantasy if far more exciting than reality.

    1. Salome says:


    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      There is a pattern on this page. Look closer and you will see very clearly who the joke is on.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        HQ…Please elaborate?

  13. Medusa says:

    owner of you … owner of what? … owner of nothing … a harlequin that makes your skin vibrate without soul …

  14. Narc Angel says:

    Good God. A reminder why I usually skip rhis one.

  15. Mine started as a FWB. I didn’t want a relationship (hurt, and looking to see what I had been missing out on). He claimed the same thing. But the sex was great, and he kept saying how much we were alike, then commenced with the love bombing.
    13 years of great sex, than pffffftttt! Nothing.
    But he wouldn’t go away, and used obligation, guilt and sympathy to drag me back more than once.
    There was a few times I wondered what’s in it for me? Unfortunately that thought didn’t get worked over enough.

  16. Bibi says:

    HG: Making Online Empaths Moist Since 2015.

  17. ava101 says:

    A very good question, K, and a good idea for an article. 🙂

  18. Sarabella says:

    I still wish there had been any good sex with him to have made it all worth it. It was awful. But he had already done the word thing so it took a while to detangle the false words from the heightened promise of something great which was in fact a huge lemon.

    1. dickforlong says:

      I know right? Where was I when the sexually accomplished narcs were being handed out?

  19. Lynda renz says:

    Hmmmm…..the best? No. Because if you have ever experienced real emotional sex, it does not compare. Sex can be good even great, but emotional connection cannot be masked. Even by the best narc. So, let us not give too much credit to the narc that thinks he has it “goin on.”

  20. K says:

    Dear HG, Have you got an article on Victim narcissists?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is not a specific one, no, but you can read more about them in Sitting Target (which is a book).

  21. Star says:

    Uhg every time I think about sex with my ex, I choke on a bit of throat vomit…

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      I know the feeling.

  22. RJ says:

    Well interesting to see what looked like a narc VS narc. Rubyx doing the enticing to no avail. Shot down by HG. I see a wolf in wolfs clothing trying to be a sheep here. Cerebral/Somatic. Nice. Getting away from that and back to the other, I received a hoover bj once from my ex narc while she was dating a primary source. She knew I liked that (DUH) while we were dating. It worked and I stayed on, to my psychological demise. You see I tried for the second one at a later date but already being there as a negative third source or god knows what number source, I was denied. Strange thing was she did it right after her mother left the room. Wanna talk about mind F-ing? Stained my brain.

    1. Rubyx says:

      HG refraining from comment = shot down? Methinks not… There is a much more elegant game at play here.

      1. Narc Angel says:

        Elegant being a tad delusional-perhaps RJ is onto something lol.

      2. RJ says:

        Ah yes. I see my problem? I could never recognise the game. I could never see the purpose in games so I got played. Its all good. Play on Player, play on.

  23. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    Another cold shower.

    1. Heck with the cold shower. I will be in my room flicking the bean.

      1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        That phrase made me laugh out loud and… yep, headed back to the shower.

  24. ava101 says:

    Hm … the ex-narc never asked how he was, it was more like … the few times he did make an effort, it was more about proving how long he lasted … never mind that I didn’t enjoy it much.

    The ex-narc-like-lover didn’t have to ask. 🙂

    Newest somatic narc lover wouldn’t have needed to ask, but he in fact liked to hear it all the time, how great he and his *** were. Hm …
    Funny. 🙂

  25. Rubyx says:

    No answer for me HG?

  26. Mona says:

    They try to please us and satisfy us in the beginning.

    My narc was not better or less good in bed than others. Quite normal, average. Sometimes even unsure. In my mind that there is no difference between them and others in bed technically.

    You can teach every man who is a little bit sensitive to be a good lover. It is only necessary that they are sensitive and willing. If they are not sensitive enough, you can tell and teach, but they are too stupid to learn. Wasted time.

    In the middle of that relationship it became a little bit boring, because he always repeated the same things, which were successful before… Then I had to push him to try something new.

    I could not fulfill all my sexual dreams with him. I still regret that., because he was willing to do unusual things. There was not enough time until devaluation.

    Someone said they create sex like an adventure or a good story in the beginning, that is true. Romantical, too much romantical.
    In the beginning I thought sometimes: Come on, boy. I want sex, nothing else. Stop that romantical thing. I am here to get sex and a cup of coffee. Nothing else.
    He was the one who made it romantical. I never thought of lovesex in the beginning. Maybe he thought I would like that. And he babbled and babbled and babbled about love…. until I believed it.

    At the end of our relationship he was mean and perverse. He tried to destroy my natural sexuality. His fantasies became disgusting. They were not violent but had always a touch of incest and devaluing others.
    That was no normal sexuality anymore. He showed me what he had endured during childhood. I think so. I do not find another fitting explanation for it.

    Well, I am pretty sure that the new IPPS will be at the same point now. It is time for it.

  27. dickforlong says:

    Cripes! He was mediocre on a good day.

    I told him if he had to take a bus to his trysts it would be the short bus.

    I want my great sex! Where did it go? And yet he still managed to accomplish all of the love/sex associations. I’m pathetic.

    1. Nuit Étoilée says:

      Love your post, dickforlong – me too!! Mine couldn’t kiss either.. We are obviously the better lovers 😉 I’ll just chalk it up to doing a favor 😉 hahaa!!

    2. Bibi says:

      Don’t worry Dick, none of my narc experiences were sexual. So this ‘mind blowing sex shit’ has completely evaded me. I’m a tad jelly, but not really. Thus why I need to make jokes about my Twaddle.

      I had a narc/sociopath father (Lesser), a mid range gay man and some others, including an upper lesser somatic who only liked to speak about working out, his dick, fucking and how good looking he was, and his dick. Oh, and his dick. Did I mention he liked to speak about his dick?

      So I inherited all the abuse with none of the pleasure. I am going to go sulk now like a lesser mid ranger. 😛

      1. dickforlong says:


        His obsession with his dick made me laugh. We would be in bed and he was constantly touching himself like his penis was going to wander away of its own accord. Seriously, why do you have to check on it every 5 seconds?

        Every time he did that I would mock concern and ask “are you sure it’s still there?”

      2. dickforlong says:

        I also told him he had no game.

        You think you are being honest and then you come here and find out you’re wounding….

        Who knew? After 13 years with me he just might be covered in scar tissue.

  28. HKGirl says:

    HG – my ex & I had the mind blowing sex, but I still adhere to his being a victim Narc since he constantly pointed oiut what a victim he was. His daughter once (at 17) told me that if her Dad saw you get hit by a car & you were bleeding in the street & people gathered, he’d stand there telling everyone how he had it worse because he got blood on himself trying to help you and now he had a daughter with a broken body.

    He was very.. and oddly insecure about the sex.. wanted to know if he was the best I had ever been with, the biggest, etc. but knew he was well endowed. But it was imperitive that he be the biggest I had been with (as if that was the only criteria that mattered).

    He didn’t take viagra but could go anytime, anyplace (and just turned 50). Avid porn watcher and told me not long before NC that “we never needed porn.” He did, however. He was in another state 3 days a week for work & the computer in his apt there had thousands of short vids of “the money shot” and images. Granny porn was his fav and he had no shame in his game.

    I used to tell my gf’s that.. the bigger the dick.. the bigger the Dick.. that guys with small ones will treat you better because they have to.

    I wonder if that correlated to Greater/MidRangeLower? 😂

    PS I’m not giving him the credit for the mind blowing sex. All the adventurous stuff was initiated by me & my freak flag flew far higher than his! He was just a lucky bystander.

    1. Sarabella says:

      My narc was tiny and he treated all women poorly. He put on a good show, had all the malignant narc tricks down, but I suspect alot of his narcissism was developed as a coping mechanism for a totally tiny penis.

  29. ava101 says:

    Rubyx, my newest narc lover said exactly that, that he didn’t just want to fuck me, but also my mind. Seems like part of the plan was to do that via text messages, but he managed to turn me off (is only somatic narc).
    However, I don’t think HG would be a good subject for studies in this field, as he definitely is just as good in the mind stuff. I know I wouldn’t trust myself with an elite greater … But dream on. 😉

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      My cerebral mid used to tell me he loved my mind ALL THE TIME. I was (still am) addicted to his mind as well. Gives new definition to the term “mind fuckery”.

      1. ava101 says:

        🙂 Yes, it does. 😉

  30. Rubyx says:

    HG the thought of you mind reading me whilst you’re mind f*#@king me is enough to blow my mind with or without me fantasising about you f*#@king me…which of course I am now… My, my, you are good!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I know.

      1. Rubyx says:

        HG I’m curious though, isn’t it just my own deliciousness that I’m projecting onto you? Or do you really have some kind of omnipotent energy force which could find its way through the cracks of my mind to my deepest unconscious needs, desires, fantasies and darkness? Would you f#@k me or would I just be f#@king myself?

      2. narc affair says:

        Lol too funny!! I love your conceited comebacks HG they are cute in a twisted way. Mind you im sure this is how you and other narcs actually think.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not conceited, just true.

      3. narc affair says:

        Well of course! 😁

      4. K says:

        These comments give a whole new meaning to the idiom: go fuck yourself.

      5. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Rubyx – it’s getting hot in here! (I’d say I’m next but perhaps we’d have more chance if we offered a menage à trois 😉 j/k!!)

        NA – that’s perfect for HG ‘cute in a twisted way’

        K – Excellent! That made me lol literally – I’m going to remember that 😊

      6. gabbanzobean says:

        Your comment about “go F yourself” just tripped another memory for me. My mid used to (over text) tell me he wanted me to touch myself and think about him. He then texted “go F yourself” with kissy emojis and hearts and a wink face emoji to demonstrate he did not say it in a nasty way but rather a sexual way as what he wanted me to do (and send him audio of myself)….which I did. Which I am sure he still has. Okay I am going to stick my fingers in my ears and say “la la la la” now.

        1. K says:

          After I read about mirroring, I thought: Wow, I was in love with myself?!? WTF! Then I smiled because I thought: Damn! I am a good lover. La la la…I am not thinking about Lovesex…la la la. It isn’t working.

          1. gabbanzobean says:

            I frequently put my fingers in my ears and say “la la la la” all the time. Oh you gotta love unhealthy coping mechanisms. LMAO!

    2. gabbanzobean says:

      Rubyx, (or HG even)
      What is it about HG that arouses people here (myself included at times) so much?

      I keep thinking back to the fairy tale about the empath in the forest who was “aroused yet repulsed”…..

      1. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Excellent question, Gab.
        I’m going to offer my thoughts..
        HG truly has a gift w words.. he chooses just the right words that are sensual.. the descriptions are tender.. or sexy.. We can follow him easily.. imagining what he describes.. it sounds very pleasurable..

        He is tempting.. the forbidden, just out of reach aspect calls to us.. me at least..

        As for narcs.. there is that sense they need to be loved.. and we tend to be overflowing w love – the live devotee idea – we want to love, be loved.. fix & heal..

        All these things combined w how he describes how he knows how to read us, present what we desire – how could we resist? 😉

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Nuit Etoilee,
          We want what we cannot have. Chasing the elusive dragon. My narc used to say that to me (the dragon comment that is). He would say he was like the dragon that I chased. Being the wiseass I am I started to call him “Dragon”…..this was all before I came to this blog though. Looking back now on how I was a super tanker of fuel, I bet he freaking loved that I referred to him as “Dragon”.

      2. Ugotit says:

        Not me I imagine sex with hg to be exactly like the sex scene in american psycho where he is ordering the two I think hookers around and then when they’re done stabs one to death in front of the other. The main reason I couldn’t get off to thoughts of hg is he repeatedly stated he doesn’t like being touched and during sex he looks to see the woman’s pleasure at what he’s doing being reflected back at him. I can only be turned on when I know a man is turned on by me truly and genuinely and I feel so bad sometimes when people flirt with him which I pretty much think I’ve done in the past but to a small extent because I had the terrifying realization that hg might have been sexually abused as a child and it reminds me of my nonnarc fiancee who.passed away from A pulmonary embolism.he told me he was sexually abused by his mother at the age of four and I hate myself for the fact I couldn’t believe him 100 percent.I do now.if hg was abused sexually and I have no idea if he was then it must be horrendous to hear woman talking about wanting to fuck.him I’m not blaming anyone for this mind u I find his voice sexy as hell I just hope he wasn’t sexually abused

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          As twisted and fucked up as it was, that was a remarkable movie. And at at the end no one believed his “confession”. That just reaffirms how strong the facade must have been.

        2. gabbanzobean says:

          Also, I really hope HG was not sexually abused.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            What have I told you about hope GZB?

          2. dickforlong says:

            HG.. Have you ever engaged in a pygmalian type relationship… Created your appliance in your own image?

            And what have you said about hope?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            No, because they are an extension of me anyway.

            Hope is an imposter and ought not to be relied on.

      3. Rubyx says:

        I just want to hear the sound HG makes at the last, when he loses himself… inside me.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          This response got me all hot and bothered. LOL. He would probably just mirror your reaction while he climaxed. When we have sex with them we are essentially just having sex with ourselves aren’t we?

      4. Sarabella says:

        Gabbahzobean, probably because the energy is similar to the narc(s) which brought you here. Its easy to project on to him the push/pull dynamic, he keeps himself aloof in many ways, and you know you likely can’t have him. Its a mirrored playground to the hell of what it was like to be with one of these people. Since he isn’t denigrating anyone, he isn’t devaluig anyone publicly, it’s like he is anyone healed fun safe narc. But what an illusion.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Great analysis!!

      5. ava101 says:

        I was having the same thoughts a few months ago, about how one shouldn’t express this towards someone who had been sexually abused and hasn’t healed this.

        But HG stated that he enjoys being in control, and he decides for himself as a grown-up person.
        It’s possibly also uhm “healing” or compensating.
        Exploring my submissive streak was kind of healing for me, strangely enough. I also had a (possibly empath) friend who had been raped a long time ago and was having trouble with sex for a very long time, then she started to meet men her being in a role of some kind of dominatrix (quite a change). Would have preferred for her to learn to enjoy nice sex, too, but that was the way for her and her decision.

        As to why HG seems to arouse women:
        My guess is that it is about being the perfect match for people with a submissive streak. Not many men can convey this through words alone. 😉

        Just my thoughts, I don’t really know.

      6. narc affair says:

        Hi gabs…i hope you dont mind me replying but it got me thinking on this question.
        Firstly …HG is an elite narc and well studied on his narcissism. Hes been around the block many times and has honed in on his skill. Hes a professional seductor. The purpose of this blog isnt to perfect that skill but it offers him insight even more how victims think and feel. He is a professional narcissist of the highest calibre.
        Secondly …the accent. Women go crazy for a brit accent! I know bc i was one of them. Brit accents are sexy no matter whats being said. The accent is seduction in itself lol
        Thirdly…intelligence. Intelligence is hot!
        Fourthly…fame. HG is in his own right a celeb. A successful author who has written numerous books and blogs. That is a turn on! Not to mention his creativity. His talent is like honey to bees.
        Fifthly…humor and charm mixed ..deadly!!

        Those are just a few reasons why women go ga ga for HG and then theres “Hush” and well…its game over after that 😂😄😄

      7. narc affair says:

        Sixthly…HG is helping people which is admirable and this draws people in as well.

        I could go on but those are the main ones 🤗 so yes hes a chick magnet! *swoon*

      8. gabbanzobean says:

        What have you told me about hope HG? That using the word “hope” is emotional thinking? Are you saying that you were sexually abused then? Or that I simply should not “hope” that you were not? Perhaps instead of saying I hoped you were not I should have just flat out asked you if you were. Were you?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I wrote about how hope is an imposter not that long ago in Little Acons No. 19.

          I was.

      9. Ugotit says:

        Ava 101 I agree completely I am definitely submissive in bed which is one of the reasons its hard for me to break my addiction to my narc cuz he is domineering and I prefer this type of man in and out of bed and this also goes toward why I feel some attraction to hg but I conciensly reel it in

      10. gabbanzobean says:

        Narc Affair….excellent points (1-6) re: HG!
        I see my other comment to you did not post yet but it was about Piano recital being seemingly aware of his manipulation. Once it does I am interested in your perspective. I know our mids were similar. Did yours ever do something and then spin it around and explain why you reacted the way you did?

      11. gabbanzobean says:

        I do not recall seeing that article but I am going to go find it now.

        And it pains me to hear that, it is upsetting to hear that. 🙁

      12. Ugotit says:

        Oh god I’m literally welling up that u confirmed sexual abuse it explains everything thank u for ur bravery in admitting this I’m shook

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Ugotit, me too. Shocked as hell he admitted such! It breaks my heart having read that.

      13. narc affair says:

        Hi gabs…yes my narcs done that alot. He will do something to upset me or cause a reaction then explain to me how im insecure and have trust issues when we both know he was the cause. What that is is gaslighting. Its meant to wear you down and make you second guess yourself. All that matters is you know he was the cause of it. Your reaction is bc of what hes doing to you. By him playing hot and cold hes pushing and pulling you away. Of course you want to hear back from him you had sex and felt a connection. Hes diminishing that fact by saying your need for texts are validation. He just doesnt want to put any effort in. Hes treating you like a piece on the side 🙁 my narcs no better but he at least engages daily with me. Its still a farce but your narcs dropping you as soon as you have sex. Its so hurtful 🙁 its constant rejection. You deserve so much more!

      14. gabbanzobean says:

        Narc Affair,
        I replied to your other comment to me. But yes, very hurtful indeed. At least your narc engages with you more….I wish mine did.
        Piece on the side and dropping me as soon as he gets sex from me….yep. He attempts to make it sound better though by saying “this is for our own good, you will realize it someday, I am trying to save us here so we can have a ‘healthy friendship’ someday…we should not see each other again until these romantic feelings have faded”
        Of course then he contradicts by agreeing to seeing me. Oh the contradictions…
        “We are not having sex” becomes us having sex when we see each other. Oh my personal favorite was this one time when he was all “no sex at all next time, okay? We must behave” yet he will send me naughty text messages a few days or a week later.
        Then the next day it’s “I know I send you mixed signals” (OMG gee you think? So nice that he did not deny it that time LOL) and then “But it is wrong of me to do that.”
        Then the following week… “I will indulge our attraction but it is wrong of me”
        Repeat repeat repeat.
        Then “we are done having sex, I mean it this time”
        Then a few days before I was to go see him he will send naughty texts again (and of course I oblige and participate) when he gets a reply from me he says “oh this is so good….this will hold me over until I see you”
        Me: “Hold you over until you see me? But wait I thought you said you were done having sex with me?”
        Him: “You know I cannot resist you.”

        Contradict, contradict, contradict.
        Repeat, repeat, repeat.

      15. Nuit Étoilée says:

        HG… all i can do is say my heart hurts for you..

        Gab – like banging your head against a wall.. once i realized i usually regretted talking to him (it really was so frustrating & unpleasant!) ..that helped me not mind the breaks.. then to appreciate that he didn’t deserve me – not even the naughty ones i liked – last one he tried – I dreamt of us making love – & i’m thinking – you should & that’s all youre getting!! Plus, knowing it’s all bs. If i want naughty talk, i’d at least like to be convinced it’s real..

  31. ava101 says:

    Oh nooo… don’t take my hope away! ;D
    A non narc can learn to mirror?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Everybody mirrors, but we do it the most.

      1. ava101 says:

        Hm … I think I need a cup of tea to calm my nerves. 😉

  32. Rubyx says:

    I just mortally wounded a narc I was dating/studying for 3 months by exiting (not escaping) after tiring of his monologues…I trained him and used him for sex, flipped the tables and got what I wanted out of it before the devaluation started. I’m a psychology student and played him like a fiddle, analysing every plan, every calculation, every play and every move. HG you sound amazing in bed, would love to try you out sometime 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I’m sure you would.

      1. Rubyx says:

        HG you have no idea…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well, whilst I have many talents and I am excellent at reading people and knowing how they will respond, I haven’t yet mastered mind reading so I have some idea but not its totality.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Jason Moss.

    2. ava101 says:

      Very good, Rubyx. I made it only through one month before loosing my patience. Pity, though.

    3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      Are you an undergrad or graduate student (masters or doctorate)?

    4. Narc Angel says:


      One empath to another (and I am admittedly a bit of a sadistic one at that), I would love for you to share with us your tactics on “mortally” wounding and ”training” a narc as you can imagine that would be most helpful in our struggle. It must put you in very good stead with relation to your studies in psychology to have revolutionized the field this early by being able to offer these insights and techniques where years and countless others accredited have laboured to do so. At the very least it is book and blog worthy. Do you have either? Is the attempted seduction of HG just meant to further your studies or purely to fuel your desires? You know-so to speak.

      1. Rubyx says:

        HG is the Puppet Master and cannot be seduced, thus I have great respect for him. He is elegant, controlled, and his mystique is undeniably sexy. I admire that. And although the thought of witnessing him lose himself turns me on, I imagine in reality he would kiss like a cadaver, so the fantasy of seduction is better off fuelled in the reaches of my mind (and/or his), and the ethers where the real games take place. Emotional relating is not the answer. We (as fuel) are disposable because the narc is disposable. We are only co-relating at the level of our own mutual narcissism, thus we are all guilty of the same sin and deserve the punishments we visit upon ourselves. People are catalysts. I would think it impolite to self-promote here 🙂

        1. K says:

          When you have a chance read Kiss Me. His kisses are weapons and after reading the article, I think HG is very confident in his marvellous kissing abilities.

        2. Narc Angel says:


          Yeah thats what I thought.

  33. K says:

    Kiss Me, Hush and Lovesex. So yummy and so dangerous.

    1. Nuit Étoilée says:

      Ahh K – that was exactly my thought! There was an article about awful sex scenes in literature, and when I read it, I thought – these writers need to read HG – he runs circles around this for a blog! – Good for a laugh 🙂

      1. K says:

        Nuit Étoilée
        Mother of darkness! We’re grown-ups. We fucked, we fucked, we fucked her mossy bed. Skin that became skin that became anew (WTF). Let’s construct an assemblage?!?

        That was hilarious and I feel bad for the metaphorical “bird trapped inside the house”. Getting down to brass tacks, HG’s writing is far superior to that animalness.

      2. Nuit Étoilée says:

        I was laughing so hard, K!!

        Glad you found it as entertaining as I did!!

        Seriously – assemblage?? Oh yes.. the bird reference – WTF??

        Oh yes, no comparison w HG – then throw in his voice reading these kinds of posts… mmmm….

        1. K says:

          Nuit Étoilée
          It was awful and amusing at the same time. Like cheesy-literary-book porn. No comparison at all and then there is his voice, I have been listening more lately. Very nice, indeed.

    2. Yes!
      A volume of Narcissistic erotica.
      It would sell even better as an audio book.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Both are in production.

        1. dickforlong says:

          The kamatudor…

          With illustrations….

          Many years ago I dated a normal English lad. It was hilarious because as I was mooning over Henry Moore sculpture at the Tate he was waxing poetic about the labor party. Talk about a scene from Waiting for Godot.

      2. Nuit Étoilée says:

        I think I just fainted..

        I’ve never been one for reading Lady Chatterley’s lover & the like (I preferred living adventures), but for HG, I’d happily make an exception..

        Looking forward to that – let us know if there’s a waiting list for receiving the announcement when it’s available – Christmas is coming! 😉

        1. Narc Angel says:


          Christmas might not be all thats coming.

          I had to.

      3. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Aahhh Narc Angel – that had me blast out laughing!! Excellent!!

        This page is so much fun!! Thanks everyone for the touching & humorous posts!!

        On second thought.. let’s make that moving or heart-warming as well as funny posts 🙂

  34. Bibi says:

    If I wanted to fuck garbage, I would drive to my nearest landfill and strip down, only to then roll around while the gulls sift the moldy pasta out from my twaddle.

    This might actually carry less disease.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Twaddle?! First time I have ever heard that although I have told the housekeeper to forget about tagliatelle.

      1. Bibi says:

        HG, you are so silly! Be a good boy, now.

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      muahahahaha @bibi

    3. K says:

      That was very, very funny! Thank you so much. ” carry less disease” and “twaddle” ha ha ha! What a riot.

      I am a fusilli fan.

    4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      That was hilarious! 😂😂😂😂😂

      No one wants a dirty dick. That is precisely why I personally am unable to take a man back if he cheats on me and the fact that it’s completely disrespectful.

      Everyone has their deal breakers and that has always been mine.

  35. Renee says:

    My narcissist sucked at sex, the worst EVER!! He was all talk. HA!! He was great at taking my money, tho. I laugh about it now because he now lives in a car I hear. While I own my house, still have a bank account and have great sex with men that are givers. WINNING!!! My revenge.

  36. Catherine says:

    The sex was great, I still miss it, and I think it was not only because of what he was actually doing to me, it also had a lot to do with the fact that he managed to heighten my emotions on so many levels with these marvellous settings and locations he found. He made sex an erotic adventure, a romantic fairytale and an exciting discovery all at once. But still, the last piece of the puzzle was always missing. There was no real connection, no true meeting of souls. He tried to fake it, but didn’t really make it;)

  37. narc affair says:

    This is what hooked me initially was the incredible sex but it evolved into companionship as well.
    Ive never had the amount of orgasms or intensity with anyone as i have with my narc. Its basically mind blowing. He remembers everything that turns me on and the fact hes taken an interest in this is that love connection. I had mistaken it as love and wanting to please me. He does want to please me but its to keep me attached to him. He knows this area of my marriage was what led me to him and tries to maintain it.
    Each time we have sex i feel myself thrown back into the loop of lovesex connection. Its a form of gaslighting making you believe you share love of one another. Its a tool tho. The sex is good i wont lie but i can see why. Its part of his seduction and hook.

    1. ava101 says:

      I just wondered if if would be possible to teach a normal guy to behave like a narc in bed – the remembering exactly what we like, fulfilling fantasies, doing everything proactively, watching intensely, etc. I find normal guys much more work and more egoistical than narcs (narcs in the golden period or seducation stage, of course), not as good at reacting to me and also for some reason unable to learn what’s working … But a narc can’t let himself go … give himself over …
      :/ If one only could merge them … I am always missing a part, either way.

      1. HG Tudor says:


      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:


        A “real” (yet imperfect) man is not playing a part from some romantic movie he saw to ensnare you, he is himself, good or less good in bed. Maybe it is time to say yes to intimacy, not to some athletic and perverse/intriguing “performance”.

        Narcs manage to condition our brain in sex matters also, not only with their sexual abilities (helped, it’s true, by their unemotional state, as far as I know- a narc is hard to “finish” in bed, he needs to “control” the partner’s body as well as his body, and the woman only relies on her “technical” skills, if allowed, because if you get too dangerously “in charge”, you get stopped, no one controls him, in bed or outside it, that means he-when very young-can “go on” for an hour, using all wanted kama sutra positions (no spoon, HG), whereas a normal man is “helped” by the thought he’s with the one he loves and things come naturally and faster than half an hour) but through their manipulations. To a normal man (loving you) you’re the best in bed or he won’t stay, to a narc today you’re his best, tomorrow his worst partner, still he won’t let you go! They almost seem borderline, you can’t understand them. Most narcs are unaware that their need for fuel sometimes makes them irrational. Giving him drama, drama and some more drama until you find yourself unbalanced, then, of course, you are the crazy one…my ex narc asked me why all women got “crazy” (near him). Hmmm, I told him why, that’s what he inspires: unreliability, second guessing, untrustworthy. He sat there in (simulated I think) disbelief as his ex wife told him the same (when she divorced him and implemented NC), years before meeting me.

      3. ava101 says:

        Somewhere over the Rainbow:
        Thank you. 🙂 You are right that I don’t know real intimacy.
        But I have my doubts about how many “normal” men know it, or can let it happen, themselves.
        Interesting points you make. 🙂
        I still find them (normals) pretty egoistic in bed, but maybe that was not merged with “love”, either, when I experienced that.
        It’s just that … I found more normal men not responding to me, NOR inspiring deep feelings. More like … looking for their own satisfaction, not for experiencing ME.

        Very young? Ex-narc was ..uhm … 34 I think when he went on for hours until I managed to push him off me.

        Ex-narc-like-lover could, too, but he was able to let himself go and to respond to me in a perfect way. No circus performance, no tricks. I miss him sooo much.

        Current somatic ex-narc-lover: yes, absolutely, only technique which started to bore me a bit, i. e., … he started to get me more under control when I dared to imply that I need more (haha, bad idea I guess). But I would really like his abilities to mirror what I like with the ability to let go, and enjoy, …

        I guess they were all in control, and needed to be, yes.

        Had most spiritual feelings with my first narc lover, no idea why, as he certainly didn’t let go, either.

        I’ve been waiting forever for that spiritual merging, becoming one, which I picture in my mind. It’s possible that I need more intensity than “normals”, just as in other relationship areas, because of my conditioning. So again, you are probably right about being open for intimacy instead.
        But there MUST be an empath out there who is like me ……

        So, here comes my favorite Over the Rainbow version. Sorry, if you hate it, I grew up with it. 🙂 I think of this version everytime I see your nick. 😉

    2. gabbanzobean says:

      Narc Affair…..I could have written this. My mid remembers everything as well. Last time I was intimate with him, he made comments of “I love hat look you get on your face where your eyes roll back…that little crease you get in the middle of your forehead, the way your face glows”…

      I thought “awww that is sweet that he remembers and recalls those things”…when I posted something similar on another post I got a reply (cannot remember if it was Jenna or HQ) of “he likes the way you react to him fucking you”. I guess that now makes sense if he would notice that and comment on it. Because I definitely reacted that’s for sure. He definitely knew how much he pleased me.

      Yet when I would do lots of things to please him he would spin in around later after the fact and say “you are seeking validation by pleasuring me”. I was all “well I love you and I want you to feel good”. Him: “yes that may be so but you seek validation from pleasuring me, that is why you want me so much”

      Is that….ummm…..projection at it’s finest or what?

      Narc textbook again huh?

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi gabs…youd mentioned this awareness before about your narc and the way he admits to that awareness. It amazes me he is educating you on the very reaction he wants from you…you wanting his validation. He is so so very aware of what hes doing! Id definitely say hes a greater narc. He knows AND hes showing you what and why your reaction is that way. Im certajn he knows hes a narcissist. I think the narcs that are fully aware are the most dangerous. Hes manipulating you then telling you why you are reacting a certain way which is very smug of him. Something about your narc is very unsettling and its the level of awareness and how he admits to it. Its in a way bragging about his manipulations.
        My narc has brought up narcissism to fish for info on how much i know about it. He will make statements about narcissism i think to convince me he isnt one but he knows full well he is.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Narc Affair,
          Yes I know I have shared some snips before of how he SEEMS a little bit self aware. I do not think he is a greater though. I did consult over email with HG who said he is a mid range. His faux guilt whining and pity playing tortured soul nonsense is off the charts along with his silent treatments. Maybe he is upper mid? If he does have any self awareness it tends to go right out the window as he projects a lot and denies and contradicts all the time. I think of it as a flashlight where the batteries are dying and it gives off a quick flicker of light before shutting off and you have to smack it to get it to give off a little light again. That is how he seems to me with his “flickers” of self awareness. He must have read some psych books or something. He said he was considering going back to school for it. Can you imagine? He’d probably have sex with all of his patients to “express his affection”. He loved to analyze me and did it frequently.

          But yeah I can see how you’d think he is a greater but everything else about him is mid-range.

          Where is HG to comment? He always said mids do not know what they are. HG, is it possible for a mid to have a small sliver of self awareness? Is there a reason why my mid (as Narc Affair explained above) to be able to manipulate me and then tell me why I am reacting a certain way? I know you will likely say “for fuel” but it seems like he knows what he is by acting like this. What do you think?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Higher Mid Range may recognise form time to time something is not right but they do not know why.

          2. gabbanzobean says:

            “Higher Mid Range may recognise form time to time something is not right but they do not know why.”

            HG….if that is so then would that also explain the “analyzation” of my behavior. He seriously sounded like a therapist many times. He’d manipulate me and then explain why I react the way I do! Did he maybe read some books? I get that they may recognize something is off but not know what but some of the stuff he said seemed to know why. Do you know what I mean?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            That reads more to me that he is not looking at himself but rather he has acquired knowledge to apply to you to convince you that there is something the matter with you.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I repeat- he likes the way you reacted to him fucking you.

        Mine used to say similar shit to me but I can assure you my eyes never rolled back.

        I’ll spare you the details but he used to say he liked when I made certain sounds or said certain things and of course they mention facial expressions.

        I stopped fucking him for a reason. I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole.

        As I wrote in my letter – the only thing he was good for was getting on his knees and servicing me. Lol

      3. narc affair says:

        Hi gabs…upper midrange sounds right if hes a pity player which he sounds to be based on his marriage and his supposed guilt and not being able to have sex with you anymore. He sounds very conniving tho the fact hes aware of why you react the way you do. It shows that he knows very well what hes doing but then acts righteous as if hes trying to help you see your inappropriate behaviour …which he caused!!!
        My narc has said things in the past that its my trust issues why i react certain ways and that i need to trust him. Its easy for him to say that bc ive never done anything to cause him mistrust and hes the one that has caused me not to fully trust him.
        Hes very complex bc one side of who he is we share so much, our childhoods, shared interests, everything that goes on in our day and yet the other side of him i feel im a fetish for him which is an affair with a married woman. Maybe the first year it was just that but 7 yrs later its more than just an affair i consider him a friend and someone i care and love.
        Your narc seems to in a roundabout way admit what hes doing to you by explaining your validation needs surely he cant be oblivious to the fact hes facilitating these emotions by coming and going in your life the way he does. It almost seems like hes getting fuel from you but then resents you for getting too close and needing him to be there for you to some degree. Again were just appliances. He wants you as a quick fix but doesnt want you to cling to him or expect anything from him. Super selfish behaviour! Then he chastises you for wanting more. You deserve more!

      4. narc affair says:

        To add to what Dr. HQ said in relation to the sex. I agree he likes your reactions to him bc it strokes his ego that hes good in bed.
        During shelving id get to a point id not ask my narc for sex or be sexual in any way bc i was so turned off being taken for granted. When id do this hed reappear as a lover to me. I used to think oh he still wants me afterall but it was to make sure i hadnt lost interest in him and not bc he cared how i felt but bc he wanted to make sure he was still attractive to me. It was his ego he was concerned about.
        The sex is still amazing but i no longer look at it romantically where he actually wants to satisfy me. No he wants to satisfy me to boost his ego that he still does if that makes any sense. Its all about their ego and not about caring how we feel or our needs being met.

      5. gabbanzobean says:


        “That reads more to me that he is not looking at himself but rather he has acquired knowledge to apply to you to convince you that there is something the matter with you.”

        This makes sense. I never saw it that way though because he also used to make comments about himself too. He would analyze himself to me (at times). “I used to think I was a sociopath but then I realized I can’t be because I feel empathy and guilt. Then I used to think I was a womanizer but then I realized that having sex is how I express my affection and I express that affection very deeply. I guess sexuality is just my vice, just like a heroin addict wants heroin”.

        Said for fuel and to make it look like it is not his fault I presume?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct. He does not actually think he is those things at all, he is just saying it so

          1. You confirm he is not and give him fuel; and
          2. To demonstrate to you that he has “considered” these matters (he has not) and therefore if you try to suggest he is those things, well, you are wrong.

      6. gabbanzobean says:

        Narc Affair,

        “It almost seems like hes getting fuel from you but then resents you for getting too close and needing him to be there for you to some degree.”

        Holy hell nail on the head!!!!! In the beginning of things he used to always say “I will give you what I can”. I attributed this to the geographical distance. As things progressed and the old “push & pull” started he used the same excuses of “the guilt is too much, I love my wife and am not leaving her” (yet he saw no issue with still having me anyway…push & pull). He also said “I cannot be in love with you, I cannot uproot my life and leave my family” (Urrgghh…then why pursue me then piano turd??!!!!) and “we need space, we need time apart so that we can get past these inappropriate feelings and have a ‘healthy friendship’…” What did you used to say to me….that I was SHELVED??? Definitely intermittently shelved due to the geo distance.

        Reading your last paragraph….the part about me getting too close….he never actually said that but looking back now it makes perfect sense. He was probably just looking for some fuel and fun from a DLS. And making me feel like it is MY FAULT for feeling more than that.
        “You are utterly obsessed with me”
        “I cannot mean this much to you”
        “I do not regret befriending you, meeting you or being intimate with you but I regret cheating on my wife. I should not have come into your life the way I did” ….that last one would be a pity play wouldn’t it? I am supposed to feel bad for HIS actions?

        I recall saying something to that like “well then why did you then? Why did you come into my life?” and he replied with his favorite pity analogy of “well surely you can recognize something is not good for you but you want it anyway? You know….like heroin for example?”

        I lost count of the number of times he compared his relationship with me to that of a drug addict.

  38. ava101 says:

    Maybe. I’ve never experienced it together. I have only one ex-boyfriend who was good in bed, but that also wasn’t enough to get blinded to the downsides of that particular relationship.
    As Houdini says, great sex alone isn’t strong enough, there is always something missing, therefore I had no problem to walk away from that (or not wanting more in the past).

  39. Houdini says:

    Sex without intimacy can never be the best sex we’ve ever had. There was always something missing. When you find a great lover, with real intimacy, it’s heaven on earth. My ex narc could never give me that so I was never fulfilled. I once told him I felt sorry for him because he could not experience intimacy.

    1. Becky says:

      The sex was great, but the lack of intimacy made it odd and awkward.

    2. Nuit Étoilée says:

      I agree, Houdini.

      I made the mistake of telling my narc I knew he didn’t love me..
      Biggest rage I ever saw.. but to me, it was obvious after we had sex – bc it wasn’t intimate..

      Good news is though – I have no desire to ever repeat it.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Nuit Etoilee,
        I have the opposite desire to continually repeat it. 🙁

      2. Nuit Étoilée says:

        I hear you, Gab.. I’ve been there.. but a bit of time… space.. I hope it will matter more to you how you deserve to be treated.. you don’t want to be miserable long term..
        I wish i was near you.. I’d take you out flirting 😉
        There are better lovers – I speak from experience 😉😘
        ((Big hug))

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          There are better lovers? Are you local? Can you find me one? Is it the ever elusive pizza delivery guy? (a joke from another series of comments on another article…LOL)….

      3. Nuit Étoilée says:

        YES!! OMG YES!! but no on the pizza delivery dude – although a random encounter could turn out to be better than pianoman, that’s not what you need.. and a random encounter willing to jump you like that might likely be another narc – definitely not what you need!

        But the first step to finding another better lover is get rid of this loser (at least from your head – you need some head space first) – think about what you really want – i guarantee you’re not getting it from him bc you at least want to be loved…

        I am soooo sorry.. i am so not local… we could seriously have some fun together!!

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Nuit, I definitely agree. Besides the pizza delivery guy wants to go deliver more pizza to make more tips. He won’t want to take a break to take me to bed. LOL. Ironically I do order pizza every Friday. Heh heh. This sounds like a plot line for a porno. “The Delivery”….LOLOLOLOL.

      4. abrokenwing says:


        I agree with Nuit Ètoilèe.
        You just wasting your time on that guy who is dragging you down and preventing yourself from meeting someone who will truly deserve you.💜

    3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      I’m in love with your name.

    4. T says:

      I’d say he sucked at faking intimacy then… The sex was so addicting and for two years we did it everyday and everywhere! He catered to my every need and desire and while I felt the intimacy he was portraying it was not real.. He was dam good at faking that though….. The fact of the matter is, in hindsight I could have sucked up way more abuse and torture when I was rewarded between the sheets every night, but he made the mistake of beating me and that was that! I walked.. it’s the one thing I miss and crave and it freaking kills me!

  40. Spanishprincess says:

    Great. Now I am thinking about him lol.

    1. Gabrielle says:

      Me too.

  41. Ugotit says:

    Mine sucked during intercourse but oddly was amazing at kissing and massage he massaged my hands feet and whole body better than a professional masseuse it was so weird how good he was at that but lousy at intercourse or it could be because he liked having sex sitting or standing up which I don’t like and find very uncomfortable

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      I definitely miss the “Lovesex” with my cerebral mid. Sigh. No one else I have met has even come close to having that magnetic attraction I felt when I was with him. He could just touch my face and stare at me and I’d be done. I may as well go and join a monastery at this point. LOL.

    2. Narc Angel says:


      Or it could be because he was “hung like a hamster”.

      That line still makes me laugh.

  42. Herbals says:

    Yeah so I wonder if that guy felt it through the ether when my third eye turned red… it WAS a powerful orgasm…

  43. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

    It was indeed the best sex I have ever had in my life with the help of Viagra, until the mask started slipping.

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