The First No Contact

the

The first no contact the empath did try,

Was to certain dire narcs to counter their lies,

The hoovers they used to lure them back in,

But the empath was not fooled by that oh so false grin,

No C, No C, No C, No C,

No contact ends the misery.

The empath stayed focussed and then blocked the ‘phone,

And kept the narc from their email, their messages and home,

They studied hard and they all read HG,

So they understood that his works would give liberty,

No C, No C, No C, No c,

No contact will set you free.

And so the defences were built, both firm and high,

The empath knew not to laugh, smile, shout or cry,

Thus starved of the fuel and feeling beat,

The wounded narc withdrew and beat a retreat,

No C, No C, No C, No C

No contact will secure your destinythe

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118 thoughts on “The First No Contact”

  1. After yet another argument, the narcissist somewhat calmly said I was hurting him Far too much and to not contact him anymore (about the 100th time. Usually I come chasing him). Late that night he called me and said I’m his everything how I’m his dream he’s sorry for everything etc. this was a first for him to contact me. Things were going well for about 3 days though I was somewhwat distant. He brought that up and I calmly told him how i was feeling that due to all of the fights I was scared etc. He flipped out and told me if I’m scared don’t contact him. It’ll never get better he will never change and he doesn’t need my negativity in his life. He said he wasn’t going to block me etc. (he knows this is a huge trigger for me chasing him). That night he called drunk and yelled at me and said it’d be the last time then he blocked me. I sent him one or two emails the next day saying I was just trying to have a calm
    Conversation. I sent an email the next day with a song. I later called him at work and he answered then told me how negative I was he doesn’t need that brought up things I supposedly was doing to which I argued he is probably talking to another girl, why can’t we just have open conversations etc. he then got pissed said I’m calling the police. I got a call 10 minutes later from the police that he said I was harassing him and if I cal him again I will be cited. What is even going on??? What is going to happen? It’s been 2 years ‘together’ (we both met when married) and about a year of on and off craziness. I know I shouldn’t want this to continue. Should I expect a call? Is this the final?

    1. For a bespoke analysis of your situation you need to organise a consultation as I would need more information about the situation to provide you with accurate analysis.

    2. Marie

      I would recommend speaking with HG privately either an email or audio consult. He was accurate with the information in dealing with my ex, which I still use today (my ex still contacts me every so often).
      I wish you the best with which ever direction you chose for yourself!

    3. He sounds like a first class jerk. He calls the police after his BS, and you are asking if its OVER? Hell yeah, its over because you deserve BETTER. YOU get to DECIDE when it is over, too. He has done alot to you, and like you, I was told he had no time for my BS, me, this or that. My nonesense, my gibberish, my whatever…. But then, enough time goes by, and he said he was also there for me, we are ‘good now’ and on and. They turn you into puppets.

      So you get to decide, how much longer do I want to be someone else’s puppet? Me and ‘my narc’ could have started it all over again last March. But there was nothing to start but nonesense. Even though he said I was doing the nonesense, truth is, it was ALWAYS him. And he was never, ever going to act like a real friend to me. So, even though he threw out all his discards and denigrations and then his invitations back, and his assurances, I eventually realized that Me, and ONLY me, gets to decide if its over or not.

      If a narc thinks its for life, in their heads, then they are actually never deciding anything about when it is over. So WE get to decide.

      You face the losses, the wasted time, the profound hurt and disappointment and you decide its over. They make it seem like you have lost this power, but you haven’t. Its always there. You just have to decide to take it eventually. Decide that enough is enough, chalk up the deep hurt, grieve like you never have before (because in the end, these people have given you nothing) and walk away. The grief goes on for a long time. I still feel it even now.

      But he could have cared less was really the bottom line. Anyone who actually CARED would not do half of what these people do. You face the shame, the humiliation, the shock and you find faith that this will not be forever even if it seems like it. You find faith that you CAN walk away from them. YOU DECIDE.

      Speach over.

  2. Oh, I did get the notification of your reply this time, Mr Tudor. Maybe it is a Lou issue. Nothing you can do about it either, unfortunately.
    Thanks anyway.

    1. Lou
      I think WP needs a corrective devaluation, perhaps a silent treatment with a little blame shifting on the side.

  3. HG, I think there is a problem with this thread of comments. The notifications are not being sent. I am pretty sure I ticked the notification box and did not receive an email to subscribe.

      1. Hi K,
        I am receiving the notifications now for this post. But I do think there was something wrong for a while. Thanks for letting me know.

      2. Lou
        I am getting them now, too! And I agree, something was up but hopefully it has been fixed.

      3. Ha! WP is doing the spanking then! (Re pain in the ass) 😉

        *did I miss the spanking?
        I like the French word – fessée

      4. Nuit Étoilée
        You are not on my list of empaths that need to be spanked, unless you want to be fessée-ed, however, I have added WP to the list.

      5. Ah good, K, I want to stay on your good side…

        However.. HG may have me on his naughty list…

      6. Nuit Étoilée
        You are a well behaved empath but be careful because HG has “The Naughty Steps” and you don’t want to end up on those.

      7. Ah K… I am definitely getting the distinct impression I’m on the Naughty Step…

        ..bet I get coal in a few days too (if that!)

      8. Nuit Étoilée
        If you make it onto The Naughty Steps then you can get a Naughty Step tattoo and it will increase your street cred. Sweet! Consider yourself lucky If you get coal, because you could have gotten gas lighted, or some projection, and that isn’t very merry at all.

      9. K
        That just totally cracked me up!! (Although admittedly I’m always rather cracked!).

        You prefer coal to gas lighting and projection? I’ve always preferred electric lights and HDTV, myself.

        Have a very Merry Christmas!🎄

  4. It would have been appropriate for me to block him years ago when I was in the middle of the drama and hurt and was actually trying to get him to go away. I once out of the blue, not knowing what was driving it, told him to unfriend me and block me. It became a near hour long epic battle of wills with him telling me I was playing a childish game, what was that all about, and on and on. I wasn’t even sure myself. And finally, after an hour of furious texting and fighting, he did. And I remember feeling infinite relief. Damage had already been done to me (again) but it was early enough to prevent what was to come. I felt such relief. A wierd sort of “Well, that is over with, whatever the hell THAT was…” The next day, he had undone it. Sent me a message, telling me that it would have been mean. I remember the feeling of sinking dread. The last fights were off an on last year. Finally culminating in him blocking me. I was so angry, I created new Instagram accounts over and over. Turns out, if someone blocks you, you can delete the account and set it up AGAIN with the same email address and you are no longer blocked. I was furious, laid into him, got his final confession of his lies and then he just stopped blocking me but I am pretty sure he set my last message to ignore. I figure, he got tired of how I kept popping up to attack him. 2 months later, he created a new IG account for something, and he blocked me from THAT new account, but left the other open. I started a brand new FB account, removed all mutual connections (sadly, over 60) and that has been that more or less. I remain blocked by him on Whatsapp. I have no intention of ever communicating with him again. He was clear at last, there was nothing between us and never was. It was all a lie.

    Why write all that… Because one thing you haven’t ever addressed or maybe you have, is what is the point of blocking them if they will never hoover? I know he won’t. We have no accidental ways for us to cross digital paths, the only way we would communicate anyway. No more mutual friends on FB and the way IG is, we have only 2 mutual friends but that is a social media platform not condusive to ‘group’ interactions. So he would never “like a comment” of mine there and for the most part, most posts on IG ellicit only like type interactions.

    So what would be the point of blocking him? If I did it now, he might just think he is still on my mind, he would maybe see it and laugh that I blocked him when he said he had lied and it was all made up…. There are many more powerful reasons for me to not block him as I am 100% certain he is never going to hoover. He did his damage already twice and I think he is knows I won’t believe a thing that comes out of his lying mouth.

    But it there some reason, for people who know they won’t be hoovered and the narc has indeed really cut you out forever, that we should block? He was very clear, I don’t care anymore, to which I said, you never did and he said, whatever. Not much even for him to come back with on that one. I feel blocking him would after 8 months or so of silence, actually give him fuel.

      1. Thank you K. I half hope he would hoover me, just because. But it hasn’t happened ever and he is too much of a control freak to EVER hoover me. He just never, ever cared. That is the absolute bottom line.

        Crushed me like nothing else, but he never cared at all. The only thing that consols me is that he never cared for anyone, really. To quote someone who knew him (he destroyed and smeared her and she wasn’t even a romantic interest), he has never been happy in any of his relationships. I never missed what was offered to someone else. All his social media fakery is just that, fake.

        He married once for money, she kicked him out and divorced him but she still has affection for him. They have 3 teen/20 year old kids. Other than that, everyone else was short term flings, secret affairs, and old rekindled targets. But NO active, public real love in his life. I didn’t miss out on anything even though he dangled so many carrots. I just really never, ever thought he was so full of such sh*t, that he would hurt me twice in life. It was mind blowing how selfish he was in all of it. All the carrots were all a scam and part of all the triangulation.

        He is absolutely incapaple of love. I know that. Someone who I once knew told me that he loves me, its why he was so awful to me, but she fell into that friend who doesn’t get narcissism. Gave me false hope. She told me that I got there too late again in his life, too. So when he had said he said he looked for me for 30 years, it was pretty hard to erase her words as they didn’t mean the same as why he had targeted me after 30 years. But again, she didn’t get narcissism to know that he couldn’t be loved by me really to help his life at all. He doesn’t WANT help. He thinks he is fine. Again, someone who didn’t get that the things she told me made it harder for me to walk away for good.

        You just get used to the hurt and then it slowly fades. I found that as I tried to fight it, it hurt me more to struggle against the hurt, than to learn to just accept he hated me that much and he was never, ever going to reach out to me. There is no ‘No Contact” struggle on his end as a response to my silence because he never cared. All he cared for was the game, not to love me. Maybe he misses the game with me. Bu tnot me. I have almost fully accepted it all.

        Good thing? From all this, I am thinking of going back to art school.

      2. sarabella
        You are correct; they are absolutely incapable of love. Eventually you do get used to the hurt and it really is better not to struggle against it. When we just accept it, then we are able to work through it and move on. All they really care about is The Game (manipulation for fuel) and they will drop you like a hot potato and move on so fast it will make your head spin.The lessons we have learned have been really painful, however, If you go back to art school, then that could be your silver lining in this nightmare.

  5. Speaking of getting spanked:

    I think the BDSM scene is riddled with narcs pretending to be Doms, who are saying that they are in it for their fetish, but it’s really just another way to control people and sometimes even to be cruel to someone without facing the consequences.

    What do you think?

    Sorry about all the questions. So much to learn, so little time ;-).

    1. Yes, I agree 100%. I think its just a big charade set up for people to be cruel and hurtful to others under the guise of a consentual game between so called free adults.

      1. HG….im in a state of shock now lol cant wait!!! …Wait…is this a narc trick??🙈

      2. Are you going to have a contest and send an autographed copy of upcoming “Spanked” article at 8 million hits?

      1. Perse you got me thinking maybe reverse psychology wouldve worked better lol….”plsss no spank article we cant handle it! Nooo pls dont do it!” 😄

  6. Love this, HG! I’m keeping it handy to battle the Christmas guilt that comes and goes from going NC with my narc parents.

  7. Favorite 2 lines:

    They studied hard and they all read HG,

    So they understood that his works would give liberty,

    Tudor Christmas Carols are excellent. Visions of egg nog, wassail and Figgy pudding are dancing in my head.

  8. HI H.G., this blog I’d helping me a lot but one thing, if you are so devoid of empathy, what is your purpose for writing this, for responding to empaths? If you are so superior to us all, why are you bothering with this blog?

      1. I just read it and I think that it also amusing you to arm the mice to stand up to the lions, yes?

        (I think that’s what you mean by “it fits with my world view”.)

    1. Hello ash Ash,
      In case you are not sure were “about” is located, it is under the “Evil Heart of Flames” on the far left.

  9. Dear Mr Tudor,
    Luv luv luv it!
    Your carols are what we need, so apt this one, coming from the King.
    We are the caring “heart angels” of the world … so when our wings get battered in a severe “twister” amongst the dark grey clouds. It takes a while to mend and dry them.
    But once we do, the white fluffy clouds are still there for a soft landing, our wings become stronger than ever.
    We just need “faith” in ourselves!

    You’re the “star” and give great light⭐️

  10. I just love this! How, how, how on earth can u call urself empty when u are so versatile with ur writing skills? It is a concept i struggle to understand.

    Hg, may i ask if u have a hot date planned for tonight, friday night? If so, is it w ur ipps or ipss or niss to be promoted? Pls pls tell us hg?!

      1. Ty. And ur emptiness comes frm ur soul, correct? Isn’t the mind part of the soul tho?

        And what abt ur hot date? Do u have one? Pls give us a hint??😬

      1. Narcaffair,

        I suspect he wouldn’t like “pretty pls” – it wud be too much pleading
        and then he would think i’m “weak” and “pathetic”. What other words does he use in deval? Oh ya, “fat cow”, “disgusting” – ouch!!

      2. Hi jenna…you could throw in some tears and say ” oh pls dont go out on a date” …for good measure 😄

  11. HG

    Delightful rendition. I will be attending a seasonal gathering of Narcs tomorrow evening and will change it slighty to no fuel, no fuel, no fuel, no fuel in my head while I move about wounding subtlety and relentlessly. Now if youll excuse me, I have to decide on a migraine-inducing jumper to wear.……

    1. NarcAngel
      Have fun at your narc gathering! Hope you enjoy the show! Ha, ha! I’d love a synopsis later to compare yours to when mine get together!

    2. Narc Angel
      Can you give us a play-by-play; I love live narc action. Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I visited my narc relatives (my empath sister was visiting) and they all showed my their skin tags and talked about the all the meds they take. Hideous. Good luck finding the right jumper!

      1. Windstorm and K

        Drama is guaranteed. Its being hosted by an unsuspecting couple who has just met my husbands narc family through a mutual interest and they have no idea. Think theyre wonderful people. Also, I have been with my husband for 30 yrs and his nephew got married in October. The invitation came addressed only to my husband. No me, no guest, or plus one. I have not seen them since. The stage has been set lol. I will share a bit of whatever transpires on Sunday for dissection or just the sheer lunacy and laughter if HG feels it is relevant to our learning here.

      2. NarcAngel
        I’m going to assume you “crashed” that nephews wedding, since that’s what I would have expected you to do. But there may have been other factors involved.

        Looking forward to whatever you share about Sunday. My married family narcs are all brash and outgoing. Sounds like yours are more snarky and insulting like my blood-kin narcs. Whatever, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the show more than you would a lot of movies! Hope your husband is able to deal with them without too much stress.

      3. Windstorm, K, and Jenna

        A little background:
        Neither my husband or I attended the wedding. I did not ask that of my husband. He was not only annoyed about my name not being on the invite but he found also that his one brother (scapegoat) was also not invited. (4 boys. 2 narc 2 non narc). One SiL is narc. My MiL is narc.

        I presented a gift for the hosts and one for their son. (Only my one SiL non narc had otherwise brought a gift from the family). Much fanfare was made over my thoughtfulness especially for their son. I assured the hostess that I was delighted to and it was only a small token next to their graciousness in having us to their beautiful home. This made the narcs look cheap and the fanfare annoyed them to no end.

        I walked over to the host who was talking to my BiL. He turned with much enthusiasm to say that he was so glad we could make it and hugged me. Said I looked fantastic.

        Host to BiL: Doesnt she look great?!
        BiL: (with fake smile and as a supposed joke): Oh I suppose for a woman her age
        Host: (look of surprise but taking it as a joke) nonsense!
        Me: Well hes right-it does get harder Im afraid. (our hosts are much younger). Which is why (now turning to my BiL smiling and with a quick pat to his stomach) we all hope that you will endeavour to cut some time from your busy schedule to get some exercise.
        Host: (laughs) Ive tried to get him to my gym.
        Me (fake concern) Its so important. Your father died young from being inactive and we wouldnt want that to happen to you now would we? (He knows I do).
        I now excuse myself while host launches into the importance of staying fit and compares my seething BiL to his aging parents…………

        I approach a group with my SiL (mother of the groom)

        Me: Hello. Nice to see you all!
        SiL: (playing the victim) well we had hoped to see you at the wedding.
        (Its obvious I have been smeared to the other women in attendance from their looks to me)
        Me: (with an exaggerated perplexed look). Why would you expect me when I was not invited?
        Sil: (snorts) thats ridiculous.
        Me: No. My name was not on the invite. Just ——(my husband). Not even and guest or plus one.
        (The others look on incredulous and one actually says: are you kidding me?!)
        SiL: There must have been a mistake. Of course you were assumed to come.
        Me: oh? Their one uncle was not invited altogether. Well I guess youll have to oversee them on matters of etiquette as it doesnt appear to have been taught them or come naturally.
        (Onlookers are shocked and you can see them piecing together a bigger story)
        Me: In any case, I figured the wedding was planned in a short timeline and there may have been budgeting issues…in fact I heard the food was a bit scant. I hope you managed to skirt that and that it was a beautiful day.
        Now if you’ll excuse………

        Later:

        I am complmented on my outfit by non family
        SiL: I looked at something similar but thought it inappropriate to someone our age.
        (Group looks at my SiL with horror and dispute her claim)
        Me: to my SiL (laughing) Well I am a bit younger than you……(laughter by others) and nonsense. Being 50 doesnt mean you have to be resign to being dowdy. You should just purge your closet of all those old things youre hanging onto and get your husband to open his wallet (an insult because she works) to get some new things that will make you look and feel 10 yrs younger. The donations will be appreciated by the less fortunate as well.
        (Nods all around by the group)

        Now of you’ll excuse me………

        Well you get the picture.

      4. Narc angel and k,

        … play-by-play live narc action featuring narcangel, yessss!!!

        I will be patiently waiting for it, if nangel decides to treat us to this!! 😄

      5. Narc Angel,
        Besides the narc gathering synopsis, can you please also tell us what your secret is to stay 30 years in a relationship?!

      6. Hi Lou

        I was married for 6 yrs very young. He was 5 yrs older and treated me more like a daughter-trying to subtlely control my choices and mold me. I was not having that after escaping control and he pressured me increasingly to have children after the first year so I ended that by divorcing him. I call my current my husband because it is easier for others. I am too old to have a boyfriend and he is more than just a friend lol. We actually started out just seeing each other a lot and then I allowed him to stay over on occasion. One day I asked him: when did you start living here? And then we became “roommates” and forged an agreement. We are not married and it is really more what you would call a partnership. There is concern and appreciation of one another but non of this all consuming love others speak of. Affection is shown through action and not the touching etc. Sex is for pleasure and admittedly some control but not for reasons of feeling close to or bonding. We both accept the ridiculousness of one anothers families. We both enjoy one anothers company over that of others for any length of time. He takes care of certain responsibilities and I others and that works for both of us. Neither of us wanted children. We do not share the same hobbies and activities and have our own friends. I do not own his genitals or he mine but we do not bring embarrassment to each other with overt or lengthy affairs. Lots of things are kept locked away and not shared but it is a suitable arrangement thus far and not what most aspire to but has worked for us thus far.

      7. Narc Angel,

        I must have forgotten to tick the notification box in this thread because I did not receive notice of your reply, which I have just read.

        Thanks for sharing about your relationship. I was confused when I read that you had been married for 30 years as I remembered having read a previous comment of yours about your divorce. Everything is illuminated now

        I suppose that the arrangement you have with your husband is a good formula for a long-term relationship between a man and a woman. Intellectually, I understand sexual openness totally; emotionally…. I am not sure, as I have never done it. I guess Little Princess Lou interferes at that level. I am trying to twist her neck but she is fitter than I thought.

        I think that having someone whose company you enjoy over that of others for any length of time is already a winner.

        Just two more questions: Have you ever had romantic feeling (felt this all-consuming love) for a man? If not, do you ever wonder how it is to have it? Just curious.

      8. Lou
        Thanks for mentioning that you didn’t get those emails. I haven’t either, but just assumed comments hadn’t been posted. Makes me wonder how many I’ve missed and in how many threads….

      9. Windstorm and lou,

        Even i wonder how many replies i must have missed in different threads. I esp don’t want pple i care abt to think i’m ignoring them.

        That is why i try to leave the page open in safari, so that i can check manually, but sometimes i’ll have up to 20 pages open and then safari freezes, so i have no choice other than to close the pages.

      10. Hi Lou

        I wasnt getting anything either and then found over 100 comments in my Junk mail folder. Not sure whats afoot.

        In answer to your questions:

        No. I have never felt an all-consuming love for a man. A curiosity to know more about him yes. A feeling of electricity when close yes. But in the end my feeling he is just a man who will have failings just as I do, and although I enjoy their company for different perspective and more logical than emotional thinking, have never felt I needed one. I married young and it seemed that is just what was done. You found someone who had the same goals (or so you thought) and then these feelings would develop (and lead to wanting children) both of which never happened.

        I did wonder what it was like to have it because that would explain not only my mothers behaviour but that of many (which behaviours to be honest I found ridiculous). I assumed it must be me because I was the odd man out so that lead to experimenting, but I found them all the same. Different in looks and interests but ultimately disappointing in their being ordinary. This includes normals as well as narcs. Narcs of course being more exciting and fascinating in their chaos (in the beginning) but ultimately for all of their bravado-creatures of sameness and routine from one to another.

        I no longer wonder (for the most part) as I have witnessed the carnage and destruction of investing your all in someone else, but from time to time I think about it the same as I would injecting myself with heroin-likely enjoyable but not worth the inevitable outcome.

        I’ll take logic and company over losing myself.

      11. NarcAngel
        I think you and I both missed out on the romance gene. It’s just not in our DNA. At first I thought maybe it was that we both grew up with narcs and saw how romance and “true love” were all lies, but then I caught myself. I know several other women from abusive narc families that still believe.

        I remember when I was a girl and my friends would read romance novels. I thought they were the biggest load of unrealistic crap I’d ever seen! When I brought up that none of us had ever met such a man or seen such a relationship they’d say, “Oh, but they’re out there, Windstorm! Mom said that Dad used to be that way when they first met!” And I’d be thinking, “Uh huh. THINK about what you just said. And then describe what your dad’s like now.”

        I completely agree. Nothing beats intelligence, logic and good companionship!

      12. Narc Angel
        Thank you for the background and it reads like a typical narc script. Your BiL was a jackass and I liked how you got him back. And it seems that your SiL may suffer from a bit of pathological jealousy but you took care of her straight away, too. Excellent.

      13. Narcangel,

        I completely missed this. I did not get notification so i thiught u chose not to write abt it. I just received lou’s comment tho, so i was brought back to this page, luckily!

        Hehe!! I love the narc play.

        “This made the narcs look cheap and the fanfare annoyed them to no end.” 😂😂

        “Well I guess youll have to oversee them on matters of etiquette as it doesnt appear to have been taught them or come naturally.”
        >> burn!

        “Which is why (now turning to my BiL smiling and with a quick pat to his stomach) we all hope that you will endeavour to cut some time from your busy schedule to get some exercise.”
        >> i’m dying😂😂😂

        “Why would you expect me when I was not invited?… My name was not on the invite. Just ——(my husband). Not even and guest or plus one… Their one uncle was not invited altogether. Well I guess youll have to oversee them on matters of etiquette as it doesnt appear to have been
        taught them or come naturally.”
        >> this happened to me once, so i just sadly stayed home. I like ur approach better!😁

        “You should just purge your closet of all those old things youre hanging onto and get your husband to open his wallet (an insult because she works) to get some new things that will make you look and feel 10 yrs younger. The donations will be appreciated by the less fortunate as well. (Nods all around by the group)”
        >> omg i need to learn some of this. If only i could bring it to my lips – that’s the hard part! Well i can start by ramming my cart into another’s like u do, instead of moving it so slightly and whispering ‘sorry’. Baby steps lololol!

        I thorougly enjoyed this! Thx!! 💗

      14. Jenna

        Im glad you got a chuckle. I just look at it as a game and the words that come out of their mouths as vapour dissipating that cannot hurt me. To be honest it helps me to get any aggression I have out without guilt or hurting someone unworthy and I kind of look forward to it in a twisted way (but I never strike first). I look at it as them deserving anything I give them and of course it helps to up both our games. My BiL has purposely not laughed at something I’ve said and then forgotten and used it on me later which I find most amusing.

        When you look at it that way its practically charitable and it IS Christmas. Sigh. I am SUCH a gift lol.

        Seriously though-I credit humour with keeping me alive.

        Start by gently nudging those carts without saying anything and then note the little thrill you get inside at respecting yourself enough not to be ignored. Merry Christmas Jenna.

        NA

      15. It is nice to know I am not the only one that likes to piss off narcs. I enjoyed making my narcs angry, although, I had no idea they were narcs at the time. C’est la vie.

      16. Narcangel,

        “My BiL has purposely not laughed at something I’ve said and then forgotten and used it on me later which I find most amusing.”
        Omg lol!😂

        I will take ur advice on pushing the carts out of the way. I feel i can push agressively rather than gently, knowing in my mind that these are instructions for my personal growth😀

        Merry xmas to u and ur family too NA!🌲⭐️

      17. Narc Angel, K, Windstorm and Jenna,
        I am glad we were able to come back to this discussion and finish it.

        Narc Angel, thanks for all your answers. It is always interesting and/or fun to read your comments.

      18. Thank you Lou, Narc Angel, Windstorm and Jenna,
        I happened to catch your comment, Lou, and realized I had missed a bunch, so I am happy we were able to get back to the discussion, as well. It is nice to read about other people’s experiences and thoughts because you get a different perspective, which I find very helpful.

      19. K
        I completely agree. I find others people’s experiences very helpful, too.

        And hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

      20. Merry Christmas WS2!!!
        Other people’s perspectives and experiences have helped me with the healing process, plus it is nice to see how people progress. BTW
        I saw foolme1time’s comment to you on Spanked and it made me laugh! The humor here is wonderful, too.

      21. K
        Thank you! Yes, humor is a great thing. It can be comforting, help give you strength to keep you going and also help to heal. Most importantly I think is that it bonds us together with a shared understanding and reminds us that we are not completely alone. Having spent so much of my life alone, feeling that connection with others all over the world thru humor is a wonderful thing!

        You and your daughter have a wonderful Christmas!!

      22. WS2
        From one cracked person to another, I prefer high speed internet and electricity over coal but I’ld take coal over narc shenanigans any day. You are right, because we share such similar experiences regarding NPD abuse the connection here makes us feel less lonely and that is a wonderful feeling, indeed. Speaking of humor, Narc Angel’s comments on Spanked are hilarious and Bibi’s video clip is…salacious.

        Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family!

      23. Lou, narcangel, k, windstorm,

        Even i am glad we were able to revisit this topic as i was patiently waiting for it! Real live narc action, as K says, is the best, as long as one is in the driver’s seat!😂

      24. Merry Christmas ladies and HG! It is truly a pleasure to share your wisdom, humor, company and of course, loving spirits!!!🎄🎅🏻🎄

    3. Narc Angel
      I hope you see this. When I hit the reply button for your comment it said “reply to Lou”. I think WordPress is messed up – again.

      I enjoyed reading about your family. “Marriage “ is just a legal thing. I have several family members that have no legal standing but are just as much family members to me as any of the other ones. It’s our intent and actions that make all relationships. We are all different individuals. It only makes sense our relationships will be different as well.

      I am somewhat envious of your ability to put obnoxious people in their place. If I’d been at that party, I’d have thought all those things and probably talked about them with my exhusband on the way home, but I could never have said any of them to the people involved for fear of hurting them. All that floating negativity- especially if aimed at me – is why I avoid social gatherings.
      It may amuse you to know that any more when I feel I’m in a place where I can not avoid defending myself, I channel my “inner NarcAngel!”

      I hope you are having a great holiday season and have a very Merry Christmas!!! I consider knowing you to be a gift. 🎁

      1. Windstorm

        I have been checking around to see what Ive been missing and read your comment.

        If you’ll notice in my examples (there were many more that evening) I do not attack-just respond. If you can think of it as just using equal force in defending your boundaries does that help? They have already hurt you and you are just asserting that you will not accept it gracefully and that they risk reciprocation. In most cases people will not come at you again but of course narcs cant help themselves lol.

        It dawned on me about family gatherings-in StepNs family no one ever really left the family. You would expect to find ex-wives and ex-husbands at reunions, weddings, and family gatherings. I guess we really are appliances for life to them!

        Youre very kind and I wish the same for you.

        PS The exclamation was my little gift lol.

  12. Very good! Needed some cheer right now. Just spent over an hour on the phone with a (surprisingly) incompetent bank! Once I decompress maybe I’ll appreciate the novelty that for once the mistake was theirs and not mine! Lol!! Always enjoy your carols! Thanks, HG!

  13. Hi HG, Maybe you could write something about when you have a child with one and you can’t go completely no contact forever. How do you handle them in that case because from my experience the manipulation never ends and it becomes so toxic to deal with even for short periods that at times just doesn’t seem possible to do. Maybe you could shed light on techniques to handle them in this manner. Thank you

  14. Thank you for this reinforcement. I’ve been weak so many times. This time I did as you suggested and blocked then deleted his contact. It’s Day by day but it’s so true. It’s the only way. Funny how I recently had a blow out with my narc mom. I didn’t know that’s what she was until he led me here to this place. They are so similar and when I experienced the blowout with her, as he was texting me , the lightbulb went on! Thank you!!

  15. Day 5…..and I am feeling the anger and rage dissipate and a sense of moving on. Finally. This time I know I am not going to fail.

      1. Hi H..im so glad you brought up AA! My grandma was an alcoholic and was in AA. The 12 steps can be modified for any addiction and this is an addiction in a lot of ways. One day at a time! Ty for reminding me of this 👍 youll get there!!

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