Exposed : 5 Further Tips To Flush Out The Narcissist



Here are five further opportunities to flush out whether the person you are interacting with is potentially one of our kind.

  1. Ask which parent we liked the best

The Lesser will launch into an uncontrolled tirade about the one he hates because that is the one that has made his life a misery since childhood. He despises that person and will relish the opportunity to share his vitriol with you.

The Mid-Range will not opt for fury but rather will speak in melancholic terms for the purposes drawing some kind of sympathy about how he misses a particular parent (one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not) and he will describe how he does so much for this parent but is underappreciated. He will not actually choose one parent over the other but instead he will use the question as an opportunity to convey his woes.

The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

The Normal will not pick one over the other usually, but if he does, this will be done after emphasising the good points of both parents so that one only just shades it.

  1. Ask what our favourite toy was during childhood

The Lesser will recount a tale about how his favourite toy was broken by a parent, a sibling or stolen by a supposed friend. The rant he will engage in will seem like this toy was hugely expensive and that the event happened yesterday.

The Mid-Range will most likely point to a board game and remark about how he won every game that he ever played and may even admit to cheating at the game. He will answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.

The Greater will dismiss having played with toys and will explain how he was too busy studying, playing sport or chasing girls. Indeed, there is every chance that he will explain he was doing all three. He does not want too many reminders of childhood because the memories remain painful and all too clear, not that he will admit that to you. He will instead ask you about your favourite toy.

The Normal will smile and identify something which will be straight-forward and simple but he will speak about it with fond enthusiasm.

  1. Ask when did we last cry

The Lesser will relate it to some personal slight that he has suffered. It will not be because he was upset about someone else, but rather that he was upset for himself. He will not be able to provide a precise time.

The Mid-Range will profess it was as a consequence of a sad film or on seeing some campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents. He wants you to think he cares and is compassionate so will align his supposed crying with such an event. The reality is he cried when he thought his last supply was leaving because he felt bad for himself and he knew that turning on the water works is a sure fire way of stopping the departure and garnering sympathy.

The Greater will say that he does not cry. He will be proud of that fact and not wish to mask it. He will then ask you what makes you cry and make a careful note of what your answers are.

The Normal will explain it was when his grandmother passed away, when his dog died or when Bambi’s mother was killed by the hunter in the film. It may also be when his team last won the championship or when he was re-united with a long lost friend.

  1. Apply a gentle criticism to us

The Lesser will reject the assertion and argue that you are wrong. He will initially keep a lid on his ignited fury because this has been done during the seduction but if you press the point he will erupt.

The Mid-Range will fall silent as he tries to prevent the criticism from igniting his fury. He cannot respond because he is exerting his control to keep his ignited fury under control. Once he feels it abating he will either change topic pretending that he never heard it or he will depart from your company for a few minutes as he regains his composure. Say hello to your first, short silent treatment.

The Greater will smile and laugh. The smile will be false and the laugh hollow. He has plenty of control during this seduction to prevent his ignited fury from manifesting. Expect however a back-handed compliment later in the interaction and he has filed away your comment which will be revisited on you during devaluation.

“Remember when you said you did not like this tie? I certainly do. Well, Louise loves this tie and thinks it suits me. Who is Louise? Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Normal will smile and laugh it off, asking you “Do you think so, why do you say that?” interested to know why you have said what you have said. He may reject it but will do so pleasantly or he may take the comment on board with good grace.

  1. Observe our interactions with a minion

The Lesser will go out of his way to be haughty and demonstrate that he is the boss in order to try to impress you.

The Mid-Range will be charming and pleasant in order to draw fuel from both you and the minion. His obsequiousness will be noticeable and he will spend more time than he ought to deal with the minion.

The Greater will be flirtatious and point out that “They love me in here because of how much I spend, I always get a great table and great service.” It will be all about how great he is and how the minion is there to serve him.

The Normal will be polite and have minimal interaction with the minion because he will be concentrating on you.



  1. It’s uncanny how well you understand your kind. Every word is true. I’ve done the research…

  2. Perse, Queen of Hell Fire

    “Why is is every time I talk to you, you got your damn nose in a newspaper/book!??”

    My MMRN pulled that shit with me so I told him to put his God damn cell phone away. The lesser narcissist in me wanted to shove it (the cell phone) up his ass, but the empath in me would not allow it. He is a somatic so he might have enjoyed it.

    Translation: The narcissist is too busy focusing on his needs and she is the appliance and should function when it suits him. Using an ereader is tantamount to a criticism because she is ignoring his needs. She is an object and is there to serve him and she is not allowed to have needs or desires.

    1. K
      Good translation.
      My exhusband can’t stand for anyone he’s with to be on a phone when we’re in a restaurant or a car. I keep mine always by my hand on silent. If he pulls his out for more than about 15 secs, then I just open up this blog and start reading comments.
      He’ll ask, “What are you doing?”
      I’ll say, “Oh, I’m reading that blog about narcissists.”
      Either he puts up his phone or I just keep reading. 😊

      1. Thank you, WS2.
        I am practicing my narc lessons. The same thing happened with my mother. She ignored me until I sat down and went on narcsite and then she kept asking me what I was doing!?!? Over and over again… I told her it was time for her to go home. Narcs really do follow the same set of rules the world over.

      2. Hi windstorm. …your ex hubby knows about this blog? Wow! Ive not told my narc i even know about narcissists. Hes brought the term up a few times so i suspect he knows ive been on narc sites thanks to facebook.
        Does your narc know hes a narcissist?

        1. NarcAffair
          Yes, he knows. We’ve talked about it occasionally over the years. When we were teenagers he seemed to think everyone lied or was delusional about feeling the emotions he can’t feel and about feeling empathy. Over the years he’s come to realize that he just doesn’t have them, but that some people do.

          He’s always been really smart and great at psychology- reading people. After he went thru forced counseling in rehab he’s not nearly as abusive and shows more cognitive empathy. And of course after 44 years, I’ve gotten adept at reading his moods and often help diffuse situations where I can sense he’s about to be hurtful from lack of empathy or the lure of negative fuel.

          We have talked many times about this blog. He can do a kickass impersonation of a midrange narc! He is often astounded at my naïveté when I tell him things I’ve learned here. You know, things he thinks any intelligent person should have already figured out long ago! Lol!!

          I do have to be careful about bringing it up, though. Sometimes he’s willing to hear things I’ve learned or still question, but sometimes talking about what I’ve learned here irritates him. He IS a narc after all and wants my attention on him – not some other narcs blog! I’m careful to not be annoying (if I can help it). As long as he’s willing to play nice, I do too. 😊

  3. Just having read these 2 posts about tips to flush out the narcissist gives me some hope.
    I’ve printed them out as a kind of ‘study guide’.

    Some of these interactions can be observed in public, and it’s interesting to do so.

    It seems when i have noticed some of these, like “jealousy”, criticism, interaction with minions, or inattention, its about a 50/50 split, between norms and narcs.

    An obvious one (to me), was a middle aged couple being sat at a table in a restaurant, She is speaking to him animatedly, while he ignores her and interacts with his phone. She gives up, and pulls out an ereader. He finishes whatever on his phone, starts to speak to her. i can’t hear what he is saying at first, but then before she can respond, he speaks rather loudly, “Why is is every time I talk to you, you got your damn nose in a book!??”

    Whoa, I’ve heard that one before, and I recognize it when I see it, now.

  4. Dear Mr Tudor,
    The show I watched the other night…”the making of a psychopath”… the good doctors did a “do good and get reward scheme”.

    Is this your case scenario ?
    Most fascinated … thanks

  5. 4. The gentle criticism is my narc to a T. I dont make it a point to ever criticize him but when hes been on a cycle of devaluing i have and he reacts exactly as outlined by the greater. He will usually get this evil type laugh then get quiet and im sure its fury. He does remember it and will as stated use a backhanded comment even years later in reference covertly to it.

    Also the crying one except my narc facades crying. Ive not seen him cry but hes said he has, yet he never admits to it being bc of anyone hurting him its always bc of something he witnessed or seen proving what an empath he is. He never admits to insecurities or weaknesses yet loves to hear about mine…again for later use. Narcs file and store away this info. for fuel and manipulation.

    The more i read up the more im convinced hes a lesser greater.

  6. Spot on HG. I cannot thank you enough for eradicating any doubt about the mid range I was involved with and any whom I may come across again.

  7. Great post, HG! thank you, you always have excellent insight. I also liked the post of social media.

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