The Rules of Ex Club – No. 26




  1. Bekah B
    My ULN was a lot like your narcissist. He was hypocritical and contradictory and used blame shifting quite a bit. It is ok if you responded and gave him fuel; don’t beat yourself up over it. It takes time and persistence to change the way we are wired to react and think. Keep reading so you build your logic defences and low/no contact regime. As horrible as this may sound, consider yourself lucky that he is not very interested in seeing your daughter. My ULN wanted nothing to do with our two children. It REALLY upset me in the beginning but then I realized he was a terrible father so they (we) were better off without him. It helps to reread the articles and you may find this one below helpful, even if you have already read it, please read it again. Repetition builds the logic. Keep posting till you feel better. I always read your comments to see how you are coming along.

    1. Thanks, K.. So so sooooo much.. I am going throughout A LOT right now.. I feel like I am in a very low place.. Just when you think things are finally settling down, something happens again! And this time, I have played my part, so the sense of guilt is wrapped around my neck, just as HG recently posted about.. The same day we posted our comments on this post, January 4, I looked at the transactions of my bank account and found out my narc used my bank account information to pay a balance on a credit card.. This credit card is military issued and when we were on good terms, he explained to me the balance had to be paid before he is able to be deployed to Germany in March.. I tried to call and text him, but he actually had ME blocked.. I had to contact his brother and tell him to call me.. Once I spoke to him, I asked him if he entered this charge and of course he denied it.. But I recorded the phone conversation I had with him that night.. I then typed an email and attached the phone recording in that email and sent it his military sergeant, explaining to him the nature of our relationship and why he would have my routing and account number.. I was so upset throughout the course of the next day, I became vindictive and indirectly triangulated my narc with his current IPPS and the IPPS that was in the picture before me, since he was with her that night, cheating on his current IPPS.. He then proceeded to email me three messages, but I didn’t respond.. He also emailed me the next morning, saying his sergeant instructed him to discuss with me the payments made on that credit card.. Finally, today, when I was coming back home from the grocery store, I thought I saw his car turning out of my apartment complex, so I told my mother about it, just so she could be informed.. She gave his phone number to my dad and then called me to tell me my dad was about to call my narc.. I became LIVID and throughout the next several minutes, called both of my parents and told them off!! I didn’t tell my mother what I did so she could tell my dad so he could avenge me.. I was pissed and was rude with my parents like I have never been before.. So now I feel like I have absolutely no one.. No friends, no family.. Absolutely no one.. My dad said he didn’t get a chance to say anything to my narc by the time I called him and yelled at him, telling him not to communicate with my narc.. But just the fact of my narc receiving a phone call from my father who lives states away is gonna make me look like I’m “ganging up on him” with my family to him, for sure.. I know how he is.. And I HATE that this has happened.. Yet I can’t help to feel like this is now all my fault and in the back and forth game that narcissists view this as, I have more strikes than he does.. I tried to go NC.. I closed my bank account after that happened.. Changed my phone number.. Deleted my social media.. Blocked his emails.. But I feel like this particular event today of my dad calling him was a form of contact.. In his email last night, my narc told me I may have won the battle, but the war is far from over.. There is no telling what he plans to do about these events.. I just feel so very terrible at this moment.. Like I can’t function.. Very drained and sad..

    2. And I haven’t read that article before.. Thank you so much.. I’m gonna bookmark it right now..

  2. This is very true.. My daughter’s father told me the other day his first daughter’s mother took their child away from him and I’m following in her footsteps.. This is not true.. I have ALWAYS encouraged him to spend time with our baby and get to know her in the times he could..

    1. Bekah B
      Their behavior is contradictory and hypocritical. Do NOT react to it and don’t explain yourself. His behavior is designed to confuse you for fuel and control. Patricia J is correct; they are such bastards.

      1. Thanks K.. I appreciate that.. And you’re right.. They are very hypocritical.. I mean, these statements from him literally came out of nowhere and were unwarranted.. I have not, even in the slightest bit, portrayed myself as his other daughter’s mother.. She is very rigid with him, as she should be.. And she forbids him from having contact with the daughter until he puts his name on her birth certificate.. His name is on our daughter’s birth certificate.. And he can basically see her any time he wants to (its just rare when he wants to).. My boundaries are actually very porous, yet he still compares me to her.. Smh.. Unfortunately, I did explain myself and respond to those comments he made.. I know it gave him fuel.. But I’m getting back on the path of just letting all of this go and going No Contact again, instead of Low Contact.. I had No Contact for about a month and when I allowed him to resume contact with me, his first order of business was to discover from me, if I was done with him in my heart.. He demanded me to speak to him, because I had been silent for so long.. It is reeeaaalllyyy true when people say narcissists escalate their advances to evoke emotional reactions from you and harvest fuel.. I will never forget that night with him.. It was all about drawing me back in to him so I could supply him with some kind of emotion..

  3. OMG. So true!!! I’ve been bending over to accommodate visitation requests, changes, no shows, extra days, and he told his lawyer that I’m blocking his visitation. WTF? Why do they do that?

Vent Your Spleen!

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