A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 58

clarece letter


“The passing time that I thought was torture widening the gap between us, was actually my friend allowing clarity to set in.
My God, how I loved you.
I love me more.
Fuck you.”

58 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 58

  1. Love says:

    Bravo Clarece! 👏
    I came to the site last night and binge read all the Letters to the Narcissist.
    Standing ovation to you ❤

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      That means so much coming from you dear Love! You are a tough cookie too!

      1. Love says:

    2. Narc Angel says:


      I am happy and angry all at the same time. Where have you been??!!!(stomps foot). I sent Frankie to tell Johnny to find LOVE and neither returned (I think they’re sleeping with the fishes).

      In any case-glad youre back.

      1. Love says:

        Hi Narc Angel! I’ve missed you so much! Yes unfortunately there was beef on the street … Word was to go find Frankie, Johnny, Big and Little Tony and do them up. Very sad sweep.
        There was a lot of heat and I’m in witness protection now …. Ssshhhh, don’t tell nobody.

      2. Love says:

        I’ve missed you Narc Angel. I wrote a response prior to but it remains in the penitentiary of comments. Hopefully this one will make it out on parole. 💗

        1. Narc Angel says:


          Now now LOVE thats not true. Have you seen the blog hits? There are legions more students, and still only one HG. The alumni have been run ragged helping to direct them to articles and fill in with information while HG is off doing whatever he does to pay the bills as well as seduce, devalue, and attend to those 4 phones of his. I hope you have been making good use of your time away to practice your holistic regime and that you have been in zen mode so that you can now ROLL YOUR SLEEVES UP AND HELP OUT!

          Haha- Im teasing you of course and have missed you. Welcome back.

      3. Love says:

        Narc Angel I miss you and am not ignoring you! Someone is trigger happy and deleting my comments.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Nobody is deleting your comments, they are in moderation along with plenty of others from other people, as well you know.

          1. Love says:

            😒 eye roll

  2. Indy says:

    Hey MLA,
    Nice work!! **doing happy dance that you have cut off all contact with this Junior Narc!** He deserves no more words, thoughts or consideration. Proud of you in making this big step! Dig the short and sweet approach too!!

    Indy the Marcher (Marching next weekend)

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Hi Indy! I like getting your stamp of approval. That means a lot!! ❤

  3. Ugotit says:


  4. Jah Princess says:

    Love this. So succinct! Hits the spot though. 😂😂😂

  5. Clarece,

    I appreciate your brevity and admire your attitude!

  6. Caroline says:

    Go girl!

    Yes, just YES – to your eyes being wide open (and your mind discerning), and to you taking care of YOU (with your whole heart)! Love it.
    XO! Not easy… and you did it.

  7. MLA - Clarece says:

    Happy New Year Noname!! I am so humbly moved by your kind, thoughtful words to me. I have admired you and what you contribute here and find you so interesting and insightful!! The fact that you say you see progress, growth and strength in me is so encouraging and welcome words to me. Thank you, thank you!!
    As always, different mindsets lead to different reactions or views. I see my emotional scar tissue as not necessarily a weakness but but a portal to that girl who needed protection. And that is exactly what she will get, ferocious if need be…with him. To the other several Narcs I’ve realized I’ve come in contact with throughout my life that also had a profound affect whether thru professional life or friendship, yes, I can show indifference. Not him.
    It really resonated with me that you found my story one of the saddest. That has been one silver lining in sharing here and if it helps or changes the trajectory path for someone who was as clueless, blinded, and hopelessly lost as I was when I stumbled here, then it is absolutely worth every second I’ve invested sharing, listening and learning.
    Be well, Friend!!

    1. Noname says:

      You are welcome, dear Clarece. I’m glad if I helped you somehow.

      “…And that is exactly what she will get, ferocious if need be…with him…”.

      I see your point, however I want to warn you.

      The ferocious state means the active negative emotions – hostility, anger, fury. They all disorganize the consciousness and logic control for a certain period of time (while you feel and express them). And that disorganization is a …TRAP, because it is an open gateway for MANIPULATIONS.

      When you quarrel with someone in an emotional manner, your disorganized consciousness doesn’t have a time to check and analize ALL information you get from your opponent during your quarrel. In that case, the unchecked information is sent to SUBCONSCIOUSNESS. It is a rule of Nature.

      So, your disorganized consciousness gives a possibility to your opponent to implant some “codes” and “anchors” into your subconsciousness during your quarrel and then the subconsciousness (and your opponent!) starts to CONTROL your behavior. You sincerely think that it is your OWN thoughts, decisions and behavior, but…NO, it is HIS or HER. It is how many manipulations work.

      If you know how to reach your subconsciosness and then effectively delete all of those implanted “codes” or “anchors”, welcome to be “ferocious” then. If not, the indifference is the BEST choice our dear Nature kindly gave to us.

      Just be careful, Clarece, and always remember that you are dealing with a manipulative Narc. The minds games with him aren’t joke. Unfortunately, you know very well now how dangerous and destructive they were to you. Protect yourself. Say him “F*ck you” on the deep level.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Hello Noname!! Oh yes, I will proceed with caution. I understand your advice. I am not looking for anymore interactions with him to try for “closure” or experiment with what I was learning here. Largely for the last year when we did interact, when I sensed major disruption or fighting could ensue, I would pull away first so he would no longer get the SuperTanker Fuel. Lol I agree that in doing that, it gives him less insight to any new triggers for him to throw back at me and he had because of that maneuver.
        He’s really too much of a coward to push for much else.
        Do keep participating here. I value so much the advice you give others too in their situations.

  8. Narc Angel says:

    Happy to see you so resolute little Spitfire!

    New year-new focus.
    All the best it can bring you MLA.


    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Happy New Year NA! Thank you!! I always appreciate your encouragement!

  9. Duh says:


    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Fucking A right, Duh!! Thank you kindly!! 😉

  10. Noname says:

    Now this is a something, Clarece! Very good!

    After “F*ck you”, expect the Cold Disgust and the Indifference development. The last one will finish your recovery completely.

    “…If JN manages to seep thru any tiny crack (which always remain in these relationships – our scars)…”

    The scar tissue is the most strongest, firm and solid tissue. So, not a chance for any cracks!

    “…he will be met with ferocious hostility until he slinks away again…”.

    No, dear Clarece, meet him with an indifference instead.

    I’ve watched your story with a great interest all the way on this blog and I want to congratulate you with a distinctive and positive progress!

    Although your story doesn’t have any “bloody dramas” (thank goodness!), but, nevertheless, it is the one of the saddest stories on this blog due to the highly negative and severe damaging effects to your both internal and external world.


    No matter what, you survived. You met youself. You faced your fears. You started to appreciate and respect yourself. You became stonger and wiser. Excellent job!

    And I always knew, that the “F*ck you” phrase can have not only negative, but a positive meaning also! Lol.

    Be happy, dear Clarece!
    Enjoy your freedom.

  11. Freedom45 says:

    Perfect letter ❤️

  12. K says:

    The sweetness of brevity. Marvelous letter, Clarece!

  13. narc affair says:

    Hi clarece…i really love your opening sentence and ill be keeping this one bc it helps to know what feels like pain may actually be freedom in disguise. So glad yourw healing and claiming your future and happiness! 🤗

  14. bw says:

    I loved me more- YES

  15. ANK says:

    Short and to the point Clarece – perfect. And it’s true that the greater the distance mentally and physicially from the Narc, the more clear everything become and it starts to get easier to break the bonds. The ropes that bind start to fray…..

  16. Patricia J says:

    Short and Bittersweet.

  17. Gabrielle says:

    Great letter Clarece!!!! I admire your strength as I’m still stuck.

    1. ANK says:

      Nice to see you on here on again Gabs. x

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Hi ANK…
        I’ve been checking in intermittently. Not like usual but here and there. I am still struggling so much. It’s good to see you too!

    2. Caroline says:

      I totally screwed up, Gabrielle – Big! We are all learning. We all struggle (and get stuck), in our own way, on our journey… glad to see ya back. Stay. Please? We all care…and get it. Hugs.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        I do not know Caroline. Some of the stuff I read here makes me think I am the narc and HE is the victim. (for example the article about victim vs. volunteer). While I appreciate the support, and explanations from HG, my head spins from being here and reading at times.

        1. Caroline says:

          It sounds like you are just really struggling/confused and feeling emotionally overwhelmed right now… sometimes the only way to find your way is for some quiet reflection. It’s great to take in knowledge and connect with others, but sometimes we just have to go it alone for a bit, to sort through it. I do understand and am thinking of you.

      2. Blank says:

        Gabrielle, I may use harsh words, but I feel for you and your struggle. I know how hard and painful it is, when you have been so deeply in love. But you know this is going nowhere. Give him up! There is no way back to the golden period. It was all fake, he will only hurt you over and over. Or you will hurt yourself hanging on to something that brings you nothing but sadness and emptiness. You know it. It is your loneliness that keeps you thinking of him and hanging on. Try to distract yourself. Think of something that would make you happy and do it. Maybe you need to be away from home for a while. Sometimes you need a new environment to make it possible for yourself to think in a different way.
        Forget the narc. Give the attention to yourself and make your life better for yourself. Take care Gabrielle! xx

    3. Sophia says:

      We have commented on each other’s threads before. You and I seem so similar in personality and we have MMRN in common. I take it he isn’t making it easy for you to forget about him? Leaving just long enough to let you forget how mad or hurt you are?

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Nope Sophia, he is not making it easy for me to forget. (I am not sure if your comment was directed to me or Blank but I am replying nonetheless).

        Before Christmas we got into an argument and he gave me an ultimatum saying if I reached out to him in any capacity before January 15th he would block me.

        Yeah, whatever. I called his bluff and contacted him before then. He ignored me, but I had no confirmation that I was blocked via text. So I called him and got his voice mail. Surprise, I called his bluff. He immediately texts me “I did not block you”. LOL. Yeah I kind of learned that already asshole.

        I sarcastically replied and said “gee nice to know you have not forgotten about me”.

        Him: “I needed a break from you but I am here now”.

        That was a week ago and I have not heard from him since. Typical of him, always acting like the victim with his games and his crumbs.

        1. Caroline says:

          You’re actively pursuing him like that? Girl, you are setting yourself up for all kinds of hurting… even if this was a “normal” relationship, you’re giving all kinds of your self (and self-love) away.

          I know you are addicted, and I know you are hurting terribly, and I’m so very sorry. BUT…

          It pains me to say this… I’m the type who is a natural comforter/supporter and cheerleader for others, and it practically physically hurts me to say things that may hurts others, but I will go “tough love” if I feel wrong about *not* speaking up.

          You are losing all sense of your dignity, Gabrielle. You need to leave him be. You need to stop.

  18. blackunicorn123 says:

    Quality! 👍

  19. Catherine says:

    Fuck him Clarece; to the point and still it says it all. I know the fear of letting go; of loosing the memories and loosing what I thought was love; I know the need to cling onto him because the passing of time means that we’ll fade away. But I’m starting to let go too and it’s liberating.
    Sounds like you’ve made it! That’s amazing!

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Thank you Catherine! I hang on ridiculously long but yes, I definitely have footing on land again. The easiest way to explain it to be relatable for you is you finally get exhausted of dwelling on the pain of the loss for each of those things you listed. You don’t even remember why it is you are trying so hard anymore.
      A close friend I got together with during the holidays, that I’ve gotten to know better the last 3-4 years, said she was so grateful for our friendship because she thinks I’m “one of the most authentic people she knows”. That meant a lot to me. Somewhere in my fog, I managed to be a good friend to her while she went thru her own dark time losing her husband to a rare form of lung cancer a few years ago.
      I feel fiercely protective now of that core of me that seems recognizable to others of being caring, trustworthy, loyal, authentic, etc. If JN manages to seep thru any tiny crack (which always remain in these relationships – our scars) he will be met with ferocious hostility until he slinks away again. I have no room for him.

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        So happy to hear you are doing so much better, Clarece! Your resolute attitude, determination to put an end to the madness, and exercise of self-love and self-respect are truly inspiring! Interesting you mentioned how your friend pointed out you are one of the most authentic people she knows. The narc I got tangled up with told me the same thing. I thought it was so precious of him. Now I think it’s all manipulation. Very best to you!

      2. Catherine says:

        Clarece, that’s beautiful; fiercely protecting your innermost core of authenticity must be the wisdom that in the end comes out of this soul wrenching experience of being involved in a destructive relationship. When nothing is about him anymore and everything is about you there’s this kind of flourishing and healthy healing in abundance suddenly. You’re strong and I can tell you’ve come such a far way from what you went through.

      3. foolme1time says:

        You have found yourself again and what makes you special to everyone that truly knows and loves you! They strip us of everything we once were to cling to a love that was and will never be! I’m happy for you but also saddened that you had such a long hard road to travel to get to this point. Best to you and your daughter. 🌷

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Thank you FM1 for thinking of me and my daughter. I came by an interesting quote the other day that I loved.
          “And I can’t trust this world to teach their sons how to treat my daughter.
          So I will raise her to be a Sword. A Spear. A Shield.”
          Elizabeth Acevedo

          1. Fool Me 1 Time says:

            MLA I raised my daughter by those same words! Great minds think alike! She stumbled a few times and had to use her shield often but in the end she is a strong beautiful young woman who takes no shit from anyone! Your daughter will be just fine, I’m sure of that! Happy New Year! 🍻

      4. Sophia says:

        I hope for you, it’s indifference. That’s the best feeling to have for someone who has hurt you. Indifferent. Nothing.

  20. Sniglet says:

    I like this short letter to the narcissist. After everything said, done and felt during and after the relationship with the narcissist, almost all has been exhausted and not much more can be said.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Thanks Sniglet! Believe me, during the first 3-4 years, there were plenty of lengthy, pleading, emails or letters pitching the chance he’s throwing away, how much I cared and loved him, my situation following my divorce making me vulnerable to him, on and on it goes. Trust me, he KNOWS.
      This was written several weeks ago, but it really was pretty close to what I said to him the day after Christmas when I got a subtle Hoover thru Skype. There is just no need for a lot of commentary at this point. When we’re done, we’re done.
      His number is now deleted from my phone and he is blocked on everything.

      1. Not So Sad says:

        High five my virtual friend & well done !:)

        Have you ever watched Galaxy Quest , Its a parody based on Star Trek ..

        One of the best quotes from it..


        Sending you hugs MLA

        Much love NNS xx

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Thank you NSS! Now we have to get you to where you can change your name again to From Sad to Glad!! Hope great things come to you in 2018!!

      2. geyserempath says:

        Clarece – that was eloquent and brilliant! I hope someday to be able to say that to my ex…or at least walk away and not care.

      3. Sniglet says:

        MLA – well done on blocking him off of your contact devices. Your swim into the emotional ocean could be over soon.

      4. Sophia says:

        Well. Done. And so true….the distance is a blessing.

  21. Mara says:

    Hahaha Damn right.

  22. Jasmine says:

    Perfect 😍

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