Kiss Me



The kiss is probably the pinnacle of romanticism from everything that I have observed. The couple who flirt with one another throughout the film in an attempt to create a will they or won’t they scenario, finally kiss and everybody smiles. The kidnapped child is finally reunited with his parents and is smothered in relieved kisses. The power of seduction that exists in that first kiss between a passionate couple which then leads to their love making. A kiss good bye on a steam filled railway platform. As ever, books and films have played their part in elevating the status of the kiss to near legendary status.

Like so much of what I do, the kiss is a weapon which I use to maximise the impact of my machinations. At the outset I shall use it to overpower you. You are unlikely to have much resistance to my overtures following my campaign of love-bombing but if there is any it will be obliterated the first time I kiss you. I have studied a thousand  kisses. From Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity to Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in Gone With the Wind through to Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost. I have viewed Audrey Hepburn jump from her taxi to kiss George Peppard in the rain in the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and the post-nuptial kiss between Prince Charles and Princess Diana. It is not just the famous kisses that have been subjected to my scrutiny. I have sat at railway stations and watched the greeting kiss, full of excitement and passion or the departure kiss which encapsulates longing. I have watched the almost frenzied and desperate embrace that arises from a man finally ensnaring his quarry in a nightclub after spending a couple of hours chatting her up. Whilst sipping from my drink in a restaurant I see hundreds of kisses between spouses, lovers, friends and acquaintances all delivered in different styles with varying emphasises. All of this knowledge is collated and stored ready for my use.

I have been told many times how good a kisser I am. I am blessed with full lips and therefore do not suffer the sometimes dispassionate affliction that can befall those who have lips of a thinner nature. From my observations I have learned to make my advance slowly, lingering just in front of the other person’s lips as I reach a hand up to cradle their neck and let my fingers lightly caress the back of their neck. My soft lips press gently against theirs and then I retreat slightly before advancing again and then retreating. I do this several times before allowing my mouth to press on to theirs and remain there as we lock our embrace, lips moving slowly together, each time moving a little wider until a tentative tongue gently probes and touches against hers. My tongue flicks back and forth as the embrace grows stronger. I can hear her low moan of delight and know that this approach is working. I reach another arm around her and pull her closer to me, bodies pressed against one another and now her mouth has opened wider, her own tongue almost battling with mine. I know that the tingle will be racing up and down her spine; I know that she will feel the churning in her stomach and that light headedness will be sweeping across her. I am well practised in the art of the seductive kiss and during our golden period I shall allow you to experience it often. I shall do it when we meet in my house at the end of the day, I will embrace you in that fashion when I lead you by the hand to our bedroom and I shall surprise you by grabbing hold of you in the lift and kissing you in this way.

What of course is all the sweeter about being able to embrace you in such a scintillating fashion is the fact that I will withdraw this marvellous kiss. You will take hold of me and push your mouth against mine only to find that my lips are set rigid and do not respond in the way you have been used to. There is no warmth or passion. You wonder where it has gone. The truth is that there was never any there to begin with. Like so much of what I do, it is an artifice purely designed to capture you and make the inevitable denigration all the more contrasting. I can see the confusion in your eyes as you try again to kiss me but the effect is the same. You look at me, eyes searching for an answer but I do not offer one. You ask me what is wrong and I look away and say that there is nothing wrong. I have a variety of responses which confuse you when you try to kiss me or expect to be kissed. When once I kissed you often and repeatedly I will reduce it to next to nothing. This reduction coupled with a lack of explanation has you flailing around for some kind of reason. You end up blaming yourself of course that is to be expected. I will do any or all of the following:-

  1. Remain tight-lipped when we kiss;
  2. Move my head so you kiss my cheek rather than my mouth;
  3. Put my hand up and block your advance;
  4. Hug you instead so that your kiss flies into thin air over my shoulder
  5. Just walk away

Where once my kiss was magical and uplifting, now it is cold or non-existent. You relished our passionate embraces and now you find yourself remarking how it is like kissing an automaton or a mannequin. I do not care. All I wish to achieve is your pained and hurt reaction to the cold front that I exhibit where once there was heat and passion.

144 thoughts on “Kiss Me

  1. Michelle says:

    Catherine Parr….. thanks for your comment….

    Tormented?….yes! Exasperated and stressed?…often yes….racing thoughts/anxiety?…..just about all the time!

    I need counselling? No…. I’ve had 3+ years of cognitive behavioural therapy, I’ve had mindfulness group therapy. Seen professional psychologists/psycho-therapists/psychiatrists all of which have given me some kind of therapy throughout the years. I’ve learnt some things. It all gets a bit boring and very much the same after a while. They all have their different ways of therapy but none have been able to actually really help me. Everything they come out with I have already worked out for myself in some way usually. I’m not trying to come across as big-headed or even intelligent….

    It does not seem to matter how professional they are… . My husband would often say to me before I go into a session: “Dont play with therapist.” Because that was more fun than having to sit there and hear them tell me stuff I already knew, or which character I would be in that session for them to assess. But if I feel they were getting near my core, then I would dissociate. I switch off!

    Therapists like to have goals for you to work towards and want you to be consistent in therapy. But when they work with me i turn everything on its head. Sometimes I’ve even been known to play the therapist. I know what they ask, what types of ways they assess you and what things they look for. But to me it all comes naturally, without me even needing to think about it. But they have to go study and get certificates and go to college/university.
    This is like a second language to me.

    Counsellors are simply people who get paid to ask viewpoint questions and listen. Pretty much anyone can do this. I’ve been a counsellor /therapist practically all my life to family, friends even people ive just met. Im sure most have here too.
    As far as I’m concerned nobody can work me out as I’m muti-faceted. It’s layers upon layers. A maze within a maze. I guess everyone thinks they are complex.

    The thing is I do not have a self. I relate to the narcissist in this respect. I also have a bad and good side, that are always at war. I cannot be myself as I do not know what/who that is. It’s like I constantly shift into different characters depending on who I’m with and the situation. There was never any stability or security in my life throughout childhood and throughout to adulthood in my early 20s. So that’s probably why I’m like how I am. Apart from the neglect/Abandonment, trauma, loss, physical, sexual, emotional, psychological abuse through all them years. Sorry I’m going on a bit….

    You said I seem to possess an interesting and energetic zest or something…. I’m not sure what you mean exactly…. and let me explain the thought processes of my mind….

    The trouble with me is whenever someone says something to me I think: are they lying? Are they saying that to test me or my response? Are they being sarcastic? Why are they saying that?
    All sorts… always analysing….and find very hard to trust.
    I hate that I can never take anything at face value. My barriers are always trying to protect me.

    Sorry for the long boring comment…..

    1. shawn says:

      Thank you for your honesty.

  2. Michelle says:

    K…. thank you, that’s kind of you! I think I should actually come off social media all together actually…. it’s not good for me, and I am not good for it! I have addiction like problems. I get so focused on one particular thing to the detriment of everything else. It’s not good…..
    I just want to dissappear haha!
    I’m starting to just turn my phone off at times now because I get addicted at looking at it all the time lol!

    This is an excellent site and I will be sure to forward any to this site who have problems with narcissists. I don’t really have any problems with them, so I don’t feel I should be here.

    1. K says:

      You are welcome, Michelle!
      This site is excellent and many people have had a positive experience here. Should you choose to stay, then I hope that you, too, will benefit from it, as well.

  3. NarcAngel says:

    Ding ding ding!! And there it is – evasiveness in answering along with denial and deflection. Hardly taxing to work you out lol.

    I’ll leave you to it. Keep talking. Time always tells.

    1. K says:

      Psssst….the 2nd line has been successfully deployed-an ST/no reply-control has been maintained and superiority asserted. I love your feisty challenge fuel BTW.

    2. Michelle says:

      NarcAngel ….

      I’m sorry….and I don’t wish to fall out with you. I genuinely mean that. I apologise for my comments, or however they have come across. I’m very reactive at times. I’m emotional, sarcastic and I deliberately try to pick fights at times, and I guess I saw something in you that would react. I have some bad traits in me honed by my father in the past. All the evasiveness, deflection and denial is learnt behaviour. That’s not an excuse, but just the simple truth. I know my father certainly had some Narc traits, maybe even my mother I don’t know.

      I could see that you were “prickly” if you like, and along with your pic and attitude you exude a “dont mess with me” kinda mentality! That’s not a bad thing, it’s good! I like your pic too.

      You all have much more understanding than I do of the narcissist dynamic and are all much more knowledgeable than I am. And no doubt I will learn much from you all.
      If you have worked me out then good, maybe you can tell me because I don’t have a clue! Lol!

      I guess I’m somewhat different because I’m not in a narcissistic type relationship. I’ve only dealt with Narcs at a kind of close friend level if you can call it that. So much of this stuff doesn’t apply to me in quite the same way. Plus I’m married and I don’t see myself in any kind of danger from Narcs. I’m not

      But Narcs have confused and really pissed me off many times and I hate to be defeated if you like so I come to do some research and came across HG’s videos on youtube and then this blog.

      The reason I said ask HG is because ive emailed him lots of times, annoyed him lots, or at least bored him to death….and told him different bits about me, even though he didn’t want to know. He is very aware of my awful behaviour and let’s just say, I don’t endear to him and I’m not someone whom he likes to engage with. Not surprising as I’m borderline. Everyone hates borderline’s lol!

      I’ve not been a follower of him that long. Not read any of his books. Not watched all his videos so I’m a casual reader/listener.
      I’m not looking to gain his attention, but I can see how that would come across. Sometimes I guess i like to play games and its probably not a good thing. I guess I do it because ive always been played with. Again, learnt behaviour, and I don’t always realise im doing these things until someone says.

      I often am not good with relationships. They are a bit love/hate. But I try to hate what a person does rather than the person. I am also like a yo-yo and go back and forth. I’m not consistent.
      I said to take what I say with pinch of salt because I was trying to warn you.

      Im not gonna talk too much, just on things that catch my eye maybe. I’ll mainly just read stuff.
      So just pretend I’m not here…..

  4. Nuit Étoilée says:

    *sigh* I’ll not repeat myself, as I am steadfast in my sentiments concerning this piece, Hg.

    So, knowing full well the ire my comment will elicit –

    How about a kiss to celebrate the big 10M mark??!!

    Excellent work, Hg & we’ll share a bottle of crémant just for you!

    Ton favori

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you NE.

  5. Michelle says:

    NarcAngel…..and you are happy to be one of his little appliances are you?

    I am not an appliance! I do not care what HG says. He does not rule me or control me. I am a human being with my own thoughts and feelings. I also have free will. I have a choice! You all have a choice.

    If I am to be an appliance then I choose to be a loaded gun so that I can shoot you down HG! Lol!

    What appliance is HG I wonder?! What would you be HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A very, very effective machine.

    2. DUTG says:

      I’m not here for HG. I’m here for me. He’s here to educate. I’m here to learn. Boundaries.

      1. Michelle says:

        DUTG…..what are they?

      2. DUTG says:


        I’m writing in response to what I perceive as your question: “What are the boundaries?” I can only answer from my point of view. I do not speak on behalf of anyone else. I’m not a paid endorser. I receive nothing ‘in kind’ lol

        HG makes it clear what he is and why he writes. I’d link that info but I’m too lazy. Please pardon me that – I do that all day at work and am tired when I get home – but I do think it’s in the ‘About’ section or maybe ‘FAQ’.

        Like everything I find on the Internet, usually after googling things like, “Why is my husband such an asshole?” or “Why do I hate my coworker?” – yes, I’m being a bit dramatic but I hope you catch my drift – I discern/digest the google results against other data such as my personal real life experiences, my work with a therapist, my education, my core values, my emotional thinking, my triggers, etc.

        I also try to keep a keen eye on the lookout for personal agendas, including my own. I try to challenge myself in the way a detective might in trying to solve a case. For example, am I dismissing evidence because it does not fit the case I’m trying to make? I try to digest all incoming information to reach a conclusion vs. having a conclusion in my head and only accepting the evidence that supports that way of thinking.

        HG has always been upfront. He’s not badgering me to buy into a timeshare, a pyramid scheme, or more on point his books or consultations. Nor are the many who comment here who I’ve grown to value immensely for various reasons. No one here, including HG, has infringed upon my boundaries. It’s always been my choice to be here and share as much or as little as I like. When I’m triggered by something here or anywhere, it’s my opportunity to dive deeper, when or if I choose to do so.

        If I misunderstood your question, please clarify. Thank you and I hope my written response makes sense. As I mentioned, at the end of the workday, I’m not super ‘on’ in my writing and am way too tired to debate.


        1. Michelle says:

          Thank you very much. Appreciate your effort DUTG. I hope you can get some rest!

    3. NarcAngel says:

      We are appliances from the narcissist’s point of view and not from our own, (thus my little joke about being a toaster) so I am not goaded by your accusation of being happy as one, but I will engage with you to respond to your observations with mine. For someone who has only just found out about this place and certainly doesnt know about this subject (your words), you have been quick to point out (incorrectly) that we are bickering with each other and jealous over HG to see who can get the most attention, and that we manage not to think about the way he abuses people in his private life. It seems you may be looking for a little attention yourself in making these suggestions since there is little evidence of it, and it seems odd thats what you would first notice in the reams of information and comments on the blog. They are also a little inflammatory for a newcomer.

      Is it perhaps a bit of an untruth that you didnt know what this place was and have only just arrived?
      Tell you why I ask. You make a few statements that dont make sense if thats the case.

      You said that you would probably just disappoint me and that I should “just ask HG”. How would HG know if you are a disappointment or would disappoint me if we do not know you?

      You state that you hate that HG is here, there, and everywhere which indicates that you know of his presence …well……here, there, and everywhere. Are you sure you are not a follower (of sorts lol) and want to be an HG girl? (whatever that is).

      You said to HG: You know I will always fight against you. How would he know of you or know that about you if you are newly arrived?

      You are not getting drawn into commenting. You appear to be attempting (unsuccessfully) to steer it, and trying to invoke fear by suggesting empaths go elsewhere to avoid being spied on (which is ridiculous). You underestimate us.

      Something doesnt seem quite right does it? So I think I will take the advice and monitor any further posts of yours with a grain of salt as you yourself suggested. Thank you for your truth in that regard.

      1. Michelle says:

        NarcAngel…..I don’t like to say the words “told you so” but …..oops!

        Please don’t try to work me out as it will only exhaust you!

        Even though we are all empaths here, we all have positions, I could see this straight away….and you are trying to be top dog it seems or should I say cat?!

        It looks like you have been studying me!
        Have fun with that!

        Thank you for “engaging” with me, i know this must of been quite painful!

        How would HG know all these things about me?
        Maybe he knows nothing…..

        Maybe I just wanted you to think he does….

  6. Michelle says:


    Thank you telling me this.

    But I do not wish to be one of HG’s girls nor will I be. I know HG won’t take offence as I’m just one person…

    He may be a great writer, have a lovely voice and other things but he is still a Greater Elite and therefore still evil. None of us know what goes on behind closed doors or how he is treating his present relationships and the kinds of things he is getting up to. The kind of ways he abuses…..or do you all just manage to not think about that? I didn’t know what this place was. Now I do. It makes sense…

    There are lots of places empaths can meet to share experiences without a greater Narc spying on us all!

    I cannot trust sorry….i should not have started commenting….but I got drawn in….AGAIN!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It’s hardly spying is it, you know I am here!

      1. Michelle says:

        Yes HG I do…. and in some ways I really hate that you are always “there”, “here”, and “everywhere”….

        It’s like you know my weaknesses and are pushing on them….. and I hate feeling out of control…

        You have all these empaths drawn to this blog….. bravo HG! You know I will always fight against you…..

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are a reader therefore I have no need to manipulate your weaknesses.

    2. Twilight says:


      I am fully aware of what HG can do.

      My mother is a codependent and I saw the after effects of what one like him can do, my mothers mind was broken beyond repair.
      I have witnessed many atrocities man will do to another, all in the name of power.
      I was an IPPS of a Greater, so I know from my experience what one can do.

      Sure there are lots of places empaths can met and share experiences, there is only one place Empaths will get brutal truth on what they are dealing with and how to handle the situation that will bring the best outcome for them.

      Spying requires ignorance to them being there. Hiding in the shadows. HG is far from hiding in any shadows here and it is well known he is here. So your point of he is spying on all of us makes no logical sense to me. Emotionally I can see you point, he is a greater. Please try and not let you emotions control your perspective of things here.

      The choice is your to stay or go, yet I can assure you will not find a place where you get the best of both worlds….accuracy and support.

      1. Michelle says:

        I’m afraid it’s that time of the month….. so my emotions are all over the place….

        One huge thing with me that’s important is I have to feel safe somewhere. I don’t know if I feel comfortable here.

        The only person I know here just a tiny fraction (only from what I’ve listened to or read) is HG. And he is a stranger to me too just about.

        Plus I’m not in any relationship with a Narc so not really know why I’m even here….

        I’m from UK btw…. where is everyone from?

        1. Twilight says:


          Take your time and become comfortable here.

          Many of these other sites are ran by midrangers and you are not aynonomous like you can be here. And HG has never lied about what he is. Then add accurate information and so many amazing ladies here sharing and supporting each other.

          I hope you stay. Read some of the articles and comments that were posted back in 2016 you will see HG has been the same as he is now, only he is busier now.

          I live in US, Virginia.

          I was very concerned when I came here, for my own reasons and spoke directly with HG privately. What he told me convinced me, I was very specific about a question and he spoke truthfully, I knew the answer before asking. He gained my respect and trust I would be safe here. He has always answered my questions truthfully even if I didn’t like the answer.

          1. Michelle says:

            Thanks for your reassurance Twilight…..

            If you want to speak directly to HG you have to pay money don’t you?

            I don’t want to speak to him directly…even though I have many questions. There are reasons I must keep him at arms length, and many others for that matter. I have my walls, my barriers and they MUST be kept in place. It’s hard to explain but it literally frightens me to think about it. I might aswell be raped if not.

            I do not expect you to understand or anyone for that matter. I am cautious as a snake yet innocent as a dove….
            My armour must be strong and if I see weakness I must strengthen it.

            A few have said I am like a maze within a maze.
            Others have said I am like a book you can’t put down. Lots of plot twists….lol
            I change all the time, and quickly adapt….this keeps people confused and not able to work me out.

        2. K says:

          Welcome, Michelle
          Nice to meet you and I live in the US. Spend some time here for a bit and see how you feel. This is the only place where others truly understand what I went through and I feel safe here.

    3. K says:

      Hello Michelle
      When I joined narcsite, I tried to do so from a position of neutrality so I could learn about the dynamic and get better. I recognize that HG is a narcissistic sociopath and behaves accordingly IRL. However, narcsite has the most accurate information about NPD, along with many, many empaths who understand exactly what I went through and a narcissist who answers our questions with complete accuracy and honesty. It is a spectacular trifecta of information and healing that is unavailable elsewhere. I hope you stay and keep reading so you can see for yourself.

      1. Michelle says:

        K…. thank you. I don’t think all share your view of wanting me to stay.
        I probably will go back and forth like I do with everything. There is not much about me that is consistent.

    4. Catherine Parr Rath says:

      Hi Michelle – you make an interesting point “None of us know what goes on behind closed doors or how he is treating his present relationships and the kinds of things he is getting up to. The kind of ways he abuses…..or do you all just manage to not think about that?” I have thought about what goes on behind the closed doors of everybody I meet. My neighbors, my friends, acquaintances, people I pass on the street, HG Tudor, and other bloggers including you. To crucify one person’s shared experiences and deny that Mr. Tudor’s allegories as a possibility which may unravel in your own world and not take heed of the warnings is silly and unrealistic. Do you watch violent movies? Do you listen to violent song lyrics? Daily news? Evil is all around you. I am not afraid of reading a story written by a narcissist, nor listening or meeting a narcissist because I grew up with narcissists. They are what they are! Alexa, Google, Facebook and other platforms are more prone to spying on you, not HG Tudor.

      Your focus of criticism is misplaced.
      Relax and enjoy.


      1. Michelle says:

        Catherine….. sure understood…
        But just because they are what they are, it doesn’t mean I have to like it or agree with it.

        I do not like violence, but it is around us all. In fact I think society in general has become somewhat callous to it all, as we are so used to seeing evil now it’s as if we hardly react anymore.

        If you put a frog in boiling water, it would immediately jump out….
        But put a frog in cold water and gently over time heat that water, the frog doesn’t even realise and would stay…. not noticing the risk to itself….

        I NEVER relax! I can’t …..ive been programmed not to……

      2. Catherine Parr R says:

        Of course you don’t have to like or agree with anybody Michelle. Your exasperating tone paints you as somewhat stressed and a tormented character. It may derive from anxiety or racing thoughts or other. You said that you are inconsistent yet your armour needs to be strong. Is inconsistency a strength? Your armour is only as strong as the kink in it and that kink may be your borderline issue of which you wrote. You need counseling. Have fun reading and keep posting. It will be therapeutic for you. By the way you seem to possess a fresh and interesting energetic 💤zest.


  7. Michelle says:

    um…! I feel I have been watching a soap off the tv. Lol!

    And all these ladies after HG or just maybe flirting with him I dunno….and what are HG girls? I’m so confused!
    I can see that there is maybe some jealousy and bickering going on. I bet HG loves this! No doubt much Fuel for HG!
    You know what this blog needs?
    More MEN in it?! There are just too many women lol! This is like HG and his little hareem!!!

    If this was full of men, I would be happier. Find it easier talking to men, than I do women. This is a bit too girlie in here for me. It feels like we are all in competition with one another which I’m sure again HG loves! Or it feels like who can get the most attention from HG….oooo oooo pick me!

    I understand that kissing can be good for many, but for me I have intimacy issues. Unless I have quite a bit of alcohol I won’t ever kiss hardly at all. I’m not a Narc. But I will just switch off automatically. It’s the only way I can handle being that close to someone I guess.

    I would rather have a good conversation with someone actually and have my mind stimulated. And it’s much harder to do. Takes more work. Because you have to know that person and what makes them tick. I need intellectual and emotional connection on a deeper level to even want to be physical in any way with someone. Plus a good sense of humour wins it for me, rather than all that romantic soppy stuff!

    If all it takes is a kiss, for you to melt, then the Narc doesn’t have to try very hard does he?

    HG you’ll be glad to know I don’t wanna kiss you nor do I wanna be with you!
    Nor do you get me all hot and bothered!

    I’m just a different kind of woman….I guess! But still good writing….

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Dont take a few comments here and there or some light-hearted banter on a few articles and paint the entire blog with that brush. There is much humour, here and a wealth of information in both the articles and comments that you will miss out on if you hold that narrow and erroneous mindset. You indicate that you are better than that and I want to believe you.

      1. Michelle says:

        NarcAngel…thanks… yes I did not mean anything unpleasant by what I said. Hope nobody’s offended! I didn’t even expect my comment to go up to be honest!

        I have found it very interesting here. I only just found out about this place.
        I am borderline so my mindset consistently changes unfortunately. Just take whatever I say with a pinch of salt it’s best trust me. I think I will stick to just reading lol! I really don’t have anything to offer here that is constructive. I don’t know why I commented. I certainly don’t know about this subject.

        I think you are all incredible women! Strong warriors in fact! Your stories are amazing and they are real. The very fact you can share them with one another and learn from each others experience is a healing within itself. I bet there was a time when you couldnt even talk about it all perhaps without crying and feeling a lot of pain or ptsd symptoms. You really are helping one another in healing and I can see that.

        Thank you for even “wanting” to believe I am better somehow….NarcAngel
        But I would probably just dissappoint you! Just ask HG….lol!

        Um….yes I’ll pop in from time to time and have a read, and just stay in the background, I am better that way….not seen and not heard….

        What are HG girls?

        Just curious…..

        1. Twilight says:


          “What are HGs girls”

          My imagination is in overdrive today

          All of us…HG is behind a screen and not a little speaker and anonymous as to he really is

          All of us empaths are here speaking and working with each other in dealing with those of his kind, and who is showing us how….HG.

          I envision Charlie’s Angels every time I see “What are HGs girls”
          The blog is our meeting place and HG speaks to us anonymously

        2. NarcAngel says:

          What are HGs girls?

          This little toaster has no idea. You’d have to ask the blenders, coffee makers, or whoever coined that phrase. To my knowledge we are all appliances.

          1. Twilight says:

            Narc Angel

            Ha ha yes and I am a little toaster that could burn or lightly brown his toast depending on how worked up I am.

            I like my vision better! 😉

            Hope all is well up there in your neck of the woods

  8. K says:

    My daughter’s birthday was the antecedent to a hoover from my MMRN, and right now he is in my driveway shoveling…I am just staying in the house until he leaves. SMH.

  9. Caroline says:

    Dear Sniglet,

    Oh dear~I hate tension. I hope it is okay that I post this.

    In some thread somewhere, I called you “Sniglet-Who-Reminds-Me-of-Piglet.” I did this because you remind me of how cute Piglet is, from “Winnie the Pooh.” I still recall your response back to me (which I won’t repeat), because I was uncertain if you meant it to be funny — or if you were irritated at me. Now I am *really* thinking you were mad! I am sorry.:-(

    I personally have learned something from this:
    1) Never assume that things I find endearing others will also.
    2) Never assume you can “read” everyone; empath or narcissist or “normal” — people can be quite complicated. You do NOT want people messing with the name you assigned yourself, and it seems that it may be a matter of respect for you. I understand this now.

    I will not presume to know how you feel. I do believe HG is fond of you. I do believe Twilight is a good person who tries to be fair.

    I do believe you have a sensitive heart, and I am sorry if your feelings were hurt.

  10. Morning sun says:

    Ah… I know the drill. The funny thing is, he refused to give me a deep, intimate kiss on the mouth for so long that I craved it above all else and that made it so special. In truth, his kisses were not even that pleasurable, only my emotional perception/my self-delusion made them so.

    Funny how in a way he was an appliance to me too… One that I could no longer operate or fix once it became broken. Oh how I tried… but the bastard wouldn’t cooperate. We really are two sides of the same coin, narcissists and love devotees.

  11. Jules says:

    The molten feeling I get from reading this is equalled only by the fear I feel of being scolded as a poor student for saying so. 🔥

  12. Emma Pathetic says:

    Oh wow. I was still in denial about whether or not my man was a narcissist. After reading this I now know he definitely is. This happened to me. It doesn’t matter what I do the kissing has never come back. If I say he changed the way he kisses me he pretends to not know what i mean. Also another thing in the fatigue post about him not letting me sleep, I thought it was just me being anxious and I was imagining him keeping me awake. He can appear sound asleep yet every time I’m close to sleep he will wake me up. Why do narcs do this? What do they get from not sleeping ? Also he once punched me in the face in his sleep. All this time I’ve thought it was an accident. Now I’m not so sure! Wow. Just wow.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See the article ‘Drunk With Fatigue”.

  13. narc affair says:

    The give and take away really takes the magic out of everything. The jokes on the narcs tho bc what starts off as a tactic to get a victim to try harder ends up deflating what the victim enjoyed and over time we end up leaving or no longer caring. It quickly becomes evident none of it was genuine only a tool to apply leverage.

    1. Nuit Étoilée says:

      Exactly, NAffair, exactly.

  14. K says:

    The Hatred

    I told my MMRN to stop kissing me. I said, “You are gross. Don’t kiss or touch me ever again. You fucking weirdo.”

    I wanted him dead.

  15. Not So Sad says:

    The first kiss sealed the deal for me I remember it so well But I can’t exactly remember when it stopped .

    For me a passionate kiss is the ultimate forplay. .

    In the end . No kisses Just a fecking milatary proceedure to gather all It’s ” prevy stuff ” togther just for it to get a ” Hard On ” :o;

  16. Bobbi says:

    It took me awhile to understand that it wasn’t me, that he’s just a cold, passionless, heartless, empty, impotent, black hole of affection. It no longer bothers me like it did. Instead I’ll either ignore him like he begged me to do for so long, or I’ll smother him just because I know it makes him squirm uncomfortably. Especially when I force a nice big kiss on his lips.
    And as he grimaces, I grin…

  17. Loveanurse27 says:

    I’m slowly shifting my process of logic to understand the N. Curiosity is overtaking me so I must ask, how does the narc respond emotionally to pets or small children as these do not offer fuel and have no malice intent? Is there a draw?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are objects to be used for the purposes of triangulation.

      1. Jnine says:

        My ex used his daughter for precisely that. She is selective mute (diagnosed)and so is he …(sarcasm). They would sit and whisper and ignore me. She takes anti anxiety meds at 11 years old and she truly just wants his attention and love. I don’t blame her but it’s unnerving as hell living with two silent people. He used her to get to me. As for the dog his heart is and always will be mine. I work in animal rescue he knew he could forget it. He demanded I choose between them (him and my dog). My dog is still here, therefore he tells people I have an inappropriate relationship with my dog. 😂😂

        I know you have addressed triangulation many times but sometimes we or should I say I have to think about the ways other than other women. Oh and there was that too. Imagine that.

    2. Bobbi says:

      My narc does manage to get some fuel from my kids and cats. He has made my daughter (who is like me in every way) his golden child, my son his scapegoat. He can relate better to my cats than actual people. I know he does it all to just to get me to react. He knows that is my weakness , as I am protective of them .
      He’s not cruel to them, he’s too subtle for that. It’s more that he will undermine and contradict me.

  18. Twilight says:

    I do find this and Hush interesting to follow.

    HG you were given many gifts…..

  19. Orginal Overthinker says:

    Add The Notebook rain kiss to your repertoire… x x

  20. Sarah Lowe says:

    Yes , I’ve experienced the ice cold tight -lipped kiss , total lack of intimacy, along with the dead expressionless reptilian eyes. Shivers of disgust down my spine. So grateful I was discarded after he checked my emails, messages and texts on my phone while I was in the shower and found out I was planning to leave
    – again. He was BRUTAL.

  21. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

    ” I do not care. All I wish to achieve is your pained and hurt reaction to the cold front that I exhibit where once there was heat and passion.”
    And you (HG) colder and better told it in other articles.

    Another horrendous truth, underlining what you said to us about control, at a greater (100% psychopathic) scale thou:
    “Murder is not about lust and it’s not about violence. It’s about possession. When you feel the last breath of life coming out of the woman, you look into her eyes. At the point, it’s being God.”
    Ted Bundy

    I’ve always asked myself why did he those atrocities. No normal brain, no matter the PTD (he had an ugly childhood) is able to think and do that (in my opinion) and certainly not to innocent people. Of course for him they were…appliances, not human beings and in his distorted perception, they existed only to serve his “purpose”=showing himself he was Someone Almighty.

    I don’t find your lips…appealing. Their “price” is huge!

    1. Carol M says:

      Yes the price is your soul.

  22. geyserempath says:

    Yes…mine started with flirtations and teased me so that I fantasized about his arms around me and kissing me. Then one night in the kitchen whilst my husband sat in the dining room with his mother, he thanked me for the meal, hugged me closely and then planted his lips on mine. I can’t deny I wanted that, I can’t deny it was exquisite. I can’t deny I should have stopped right then.

  23. WhoCares says:

    Very much my experience. Mine was an excellent kisser…beautiful lips and all. He would also comment on my lips being one of his favourite parts. Sad that it is so contrived.

    Told with excruciating attention to detail. But then it is all in the details, isn’t it HG?

    1. WhoCares says:

      Speaking of details; what happened to my pretty pink bits? (And, I don’t mean my lips.)

      I quite liked my pink design on my avatar…whatever happened to it?

    2. HG Tudor says:

      That’s where the devil resides, yes.

      1. NarcMagnet says:

        Are you saying that the devil is in the details or in WC’s pink bits? 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The detail.

  24. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    After reading the first sensual part, you certainly know how to give a girl hot flushes 🤒…. ☺️…. phew !!! 💋👅👄 Mr Bubbles had better watch out… haha
    The second part reminded me of my weasel friend .. when one day I gave him a quick hello kiss and got a fraction of his leftover Polygrip Denture glue on my mouth and it was unavoidably ingested … oh my oh my …it made me feel utterly sick in my poor tum tum all day! I feel nauseous thinking about it 🤢
    Have you ever thought about just being “you” and not copying others! You may surprise yourself!
    It annoys me immensely that my weasel has probably stolen my fabulous originality… oh well he’s not real anyhoo… so who gives a razoo! Haha
    mwahs to you 😘

  25. Jnine says:

    I remember the first time he kissed me. He traced the line of my collar bone with his index finger then put his hand at the base of my hairline and pulled me to him kissing me in a way that made my legs jelly. My whole body was on fire. I really hate that he owns that.

    1. All Out of Fuel says:

      My Narc would place his hand on my cheek as he looked at me before kissing me. I’d be leaking down my legs it was so ridiculous! They’re like some kind of drug and the withdrawal is devastating.

      1. Catherine Parr R says:



  26. Perse Ving says:

    You could listen to HG read this..

    Although my computer seems to have a glitch on playback @ 2:00

  27. Nuit Étoilée says:

    This post.

    ..even more than Hush, is the one that gets my heart pounding.. among other effects…

    Your description.. so sensual.. to visualise your luscious lips.. against mine…

    Ladies, if you haven’t already, go purchase Sex & the Narcissist right now. Hg’s talent for.. description makes it well-worth the purchase price..

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, NAngel’s Tudor Totem awaits… *sigh*

    1. JAKtheNarc says:

      what?? hmmm…. I have seen some of your replies, I thought you were joking re HG, no?

    2. Sniglet says:

      Nuit Etoilee. You can have HG Tudor. I would rather have the guy in the photo above kiss me. He looks very handsome, appears romantic and evil.

      Did you know that a man’s kiss via mouth unconsciously transfers testosterone to the female and triggers her libido? Kissing is powerful and it affects a woman’s bonding to the man. Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can’t hold back.

      1. NarcAngel says:


        If he’s a narc, testosterone tranfer is the least of ones worries lol. They dont all use Listerine as faithfully as HG.

      2. Catherine says:

        “Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can’t hold back.”

        That’s beautiful Sniglet. Beautiful and true.

      3. Sniglet says:

        You may be in the know more than me, NA, but I cannot comment on ‘one’s’ worries or the use of HG’s Listerine use. I don’t know him. It’s irrelevant to me. The stated factoid about the transfer of testosterone during kissing does not discount anybody’s narcissistic traits. Being aware of the its effect could be used to take advantage of the situation. A man’s level of testosterone dictates his sex drive. Coupled with his greater narcissism and awareness, presuming he has excellent kissing techniques, the kissing becomes more potent and the female bonding stronger. It seems that empathetic women will have 3 issues to contend with – a man’s narcissism + the man’s biology + their own (the woman’s) biology. Being aware, empathic women may have some control over their own actions/reactions and save themselves grief in the long run.

        Thus, NA, the worries don’t stand with the narc but with you, as the empath, if you cannot naturally and instinctively hold off contact with a man you know does not share your vision for the future.

        My other point was that the man in the photo looks sexy. Looking at certain details in the photo – the model looks like he is a perfectionist. Placement of fingers on the neck, positioning of the mouth on the neck and other.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          I was making reference to diseases and HG joking previously about using Listerine for hygiene and “protection”. Just a joke.

          I understand the serious points you discuss as relevant to most, and yes, I agree that the narc will use that to bind. It does not apply to me however as kissing is not emotional to me and so does not bind me. If it involves the body then I view it as only sexual and foreplay, if it involves two mouths it is for the most part gross and entertained only to get to the other bits. I have never reminisced about a kiss. Dont even get me started about hugs lol.

      4. Perse Ving says:

        Interesting factoid, Sniglet.

        I appreciate the info.

      5. Sniglet says:

        Oh. Narc Angel I didn’t read that joke. You’re comment makes sense now. Interesting that kissing does not affect you emotionally. It only affects me if I really like the guy. It takes more than kissing to make a dent with me. Touching, hugging, words and other things together need to hit the emotional bull’s eye (give or take). If the guy misses the right moment to kiss, I cool off and he may lose an opportunity with me. I may view him as a weakling and not want to see him again. And it cannot be rehearsed. Spontaneity is key. I’m too complex and not even worth discussing.

    3. Jnine says:

      My thoughts are not of HG is that what you mean? He describes our moments in such detail because…he does this very thing. (No offense HG) This post was a trigger without a doubt. That kiss is like a drug. The withdrawal of that kiss is like the hell of being without our drug of choice. I’m okay but I would gladly line up every man in my county and kiss them ALL to see if anyone comes close lol.

      1. Bobbi says:

        The first kiss my narc stole was the epitome of forbidden pleasures . He cornered me, the look of desire and hunger hunger in his eyes made me freeze. It was a dark, yet commanding look that said that he would have me if he wanted. Under that gaze I became helpless. It was as if my entire being betrayed me. I couldn’t make myself move, but then, perhaps I didn’t want to .
        He then touched me, his fingers lightly running over my bare shoulders. A tingle ran up and down my spine as the anticipation grew. My legs felt weak as I shuddered under his touch.
        I found weak words of protest and managed in a voice so small to speak “I’m married. This is a line we shouldn’t…” He cut off my words with his own “Then cross it.” he said as his lips met mine.
        I surrendered under his kiss. His hands gently explored my body as his hungry lips drank me in. It all took maybe a minute, but that moment in the sultry summer heat seemed to be eternal.
        His kiss, gentle yet demanding, as he took possession of me. When it was over he said that it was the softest kiss he had ever had .

    4. Bibi says:

      It will only piss me off because I have received zero sensual pleasure from any of the narcs. I get all the shit and none of the pleasure. I don’t need to know how they have pleasured everyone else but me. (Whining like a Mid-Ranger.)

      I am reminded of that line from The Naked Gun when Leslie Nielson is forced to donate at a sperm bank and he is asked if he’d like any ‘viewing material to assist him.’

      His response, ‘Sure. Got Gone With The Wind?’

      I think I’ll read that. Yuk Yuk.

      (Not really.)

      1. Bibi says:

        HG I am just feeling a little jelly is all. BTW I just watched that clip I mentioned and just like with The Exorcist, I misquoted!

        I could have sworn he said Gone With The Wind,’ but he asks for Lady and the Tramp. LOL

      2. NarcAngel says:

        HG should do a parody of that. A NarcTale titled:

        Gone With The Windbag.

        Scarlett O’Capelet
        Rhett Butthead
        and Wishy Washy Wilkes

      3. Carol M says:

        Bibi, I am on your team. Zero sensual pleasure from the narc and even made me perform things to him that are against my values. The nex pretended to be asexual but wanted things that men receive from their boyfriends, got it? And made so much noise that woke up the entire neighbourhood. “Look at me, listen to me, notice me, I am having intercourse!”. It was disgusting.

    5. W says:

      Are there a lot of HG fangirls? Is this a thing?

      1. W says:

        Sorry if that sounded snarky. Are there tho? I could see why.

      2. Jakthenarc says:

        That’s what I was wondering too. Switch real life for imagined on the internet. Ick

      3. Nina says:

        Yes!! HG’s voice always gets me.

      4. Bibi says:

        HG is my safe sex fantasy. I don’t have any in real life. Not to worry though. There is a huge ocean between us as well as my hymen, which has been reinstated due to shitty options of men.

        In the mean time, I have recently subscribed to FilmStruck. Any film fans out there? Ladies, film is my new lover.

        I am dumping NF. It is over. Don’t even try to hoover.

    6. Nuit Étoilée says:

      Mine is appreciation for writing that evokes intimate, sensual, erotic (have you read the book?) moments with a delicate application of verbal skill… that’s all. That all these moving essays are written by someone who does not experience these moments the way I do makes it all the more intriguing… and sad..

      Joking? That’s for these passages – Bad Sex in literature – Hg makes it look easy – Have you tried writing a sex scene?

      Bibi & K (if you read this, y’all & a great sense of humour will appreciate this) NAngel & Sniglet (you too K) should write your own 😊😂

      Sniglet – I couldn’t handle Hg (can anyone?) even if I ever made his list of targets – which doesn’t enter my consciousness. Nope, just here for the excellent writing, having followed his advice & jettisoned the other narcs 😉 Hg is the only narc for me 😆

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Hg approves, NE!

      2. Sniglet says:

        NE – I enjoy your comments. You seem very sweet and calming. The truth is that my comment was actually tongue in cheek, smiling typing it. I also appreciate Tudor’s work and told him so. He is talent on loan from God!

        ‘Could anyone handle HG?’ Define ‘handle’. NE, you certainly could handle Tudor more than I could if you have already had a consultation with him.

      3. K says:

        “Oh, Lord,” “I’m a-comin’!” Nuit Étoilée

        When I read Lobster by Guillaume Lecasble (Dedalus Ltd) I thought hmmm…sex with a crustacean…interesting.

        Awkward and bad. SMH. I don’t think I have the mental energy to write about sex now… maybe I will make a diorama of a knight on a white charger using a damsel’s venus mound as a sheath for his sword.

      4. Nuit Étoilée says:

        I’m glad you approve, Hg. The last thing I’d want is to be on your bad side..

        Sniglet – I recognize & appreciate your wicked sense of humour & thank you for your kindness! *giggle* ‘handle’ does include many connotations… I have indeed benefitted from a consult w the master – necessity overruling fear – I would recommend it – his advice was irreplaceable & brought surprising relief – well worth it.

        K – OMG Seriously??!! Where do they come up w this stuff! And it got published!! I’m sure you could do much better w your excellent sense of humour!

      5. Sniglet says:

        Nuit Étoilée – yes, I’ve read similar comments that the discussions were very beneficial. I am happy you feel that way. For me it would be the first time opening up my inner core to anybody, and it takes time to make such a huge decision. I cannot even trust myself that I will become transparent during the moment and I don’t want to waste anybody’s time. So just waiting for readiness to strike.

      6. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Sniglet (can I use Sniggers, too? Love that)
        I wouldn’t say I revealed my inner core to our dear Leader, although having to confess the events was still harrowing..

        Have you tried writing out your experience? Even just that act, in preparation for a consult was a therapeutic (cathartic?) experience.

        Revealing our inner core to Hg.. yes, I do think that is possible for us particularly in this specific professional context. He has dedicated himself to treating our trust in sharing in confidence, and his manner is far more gentle than I would have imagined – everyone is different, so what you need to discuss & its significance to you is wholly in your life, so I cannot speak to that.. but if you feel you have burning questions, I have no doubt Hg would offer clarity & understanding, & guidance.. Just don’t seek healing… it’s not his strong suit..

        If you are for hugs, i offer a strong one – if not, I send an empathetic deep gaze & a light touch on your arm 😉

        1. K says:

          HG may not be warm and fuzzy, Nuit Étoilée, but his answers, clarity, honesty and guidance really made a difference for me and helped me heal. Many therapists, psychologist and psychiatrists have no idea how to help with NPD, and some do more harm than good. Ironically, HG, has more (cognitive) empathy than many people (the non-narcs) I deal with IRL.

      7. Sniglet says:

        NE – I cannot stop you from using Sniggers. Is that something you learnt to say in your consults with HGT? Your question has certainly not advanced your persuasion of a consultation. No to hugs, empathic gazes or light touches.

      8. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Oh no, sincere apologies Sniglet. I certainly did not wish to offend. (I’d hoped to demonstrate I’ve read & appreciated your contributions here..) & I take a step back – I respect boundaries (unlike narcs) I myself am rather touchy/feely so I offered from my perspective – but none of that should impact on Hg’s abilities in consults.

        K, you’re right.. all this info helps get away & understand the narc as well as provide validation which does bring healing.. but i was referring to psychological input i guess..

        1. K says:

          I hear you, Nuit Étoilée. Validation was a large part of the healing process for me.

          câlins et bisous

      9. Sniglet says:

        Not to worry Nuit Étoilée. Hugs from afar. I’m not upset and I understand. It is actually HG Tudor’s fault for encouraging the smear against me. He is multifaceted. He treats people well and then bad. It’s a fascinating collision of skills.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Evidence? There is none.

      10. Sniglet says:

        Asking a question and providing the answer to your own question immediately after implies with one swift swipe that your answer is true and final. You like to condition your readers. That’s not fair.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          On the contrary, I like to enlighten them and I do.

        2. Twilight says:


          See it how you desire yet there have been others that have accused the same.
          Comments are public and no where have I seen HG smear anyone, correct an inaccuracy yes, nothing more. It amazes me thou how people will go to this to try and get a reaction from him or gain some kind of attention of HG has smear or in your case encouraged a smear of you.
          You are not that special to him here. We are all equals in his eyes here. Empaths seeking accurate knowledge to situations he understands in detail.

      11. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Dear Sniglet – I feel bad using the moniker you do not like – I did not realize that – nothing to do w Hg. I made the mistake thinking it was cute – I’d love a nickname – all I am is NE or “any” which actually is very appropriate as a reminder I am any appliance, interchangeable & replaceable.. but I digress.

        I apologize for offending you & still recommend Hg for his guidance & understanding.

        1. K says:

          Nuit Étoilée

          Don’t feel too bad NE, I misunderstood too, I thought HG was being playful. And you are not an appliance to me BTW.

      12. Sniglet says:

        Oh look, Twilight’s services of bolstering others’ self esteem are in full force once again. You, Twilight should know I don’t attach my ego on your validation badge. I feel content and happy! Sending you maja hugs and loads of kizzzzzzzzzzes.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Or rather Twilight is merely correcting your inaccuracy.

        2. Twilight says:


          You are trying to make something that is not true a truth.

          Why is this?

      13. Sniglet says:

        Nothing inaccurate about you calling me Sniggers more than 3 times after I had been friendly to you. Not sure why you did it but if that is your style so be it. The handle I chose is Sniglet. You want to change it go ahead. Or I may change it myself…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I was referring to Twilight’s correction of your inaccurate suggestion that I have smeared you and you know that was what I was referring to. I called you Sniggers in a playful manner. If you thought that was smearing it was and is not. One it was not derogatory and two smearing is what is said about a person to others, not to the person direct.

      14. Sniglet says:

        ‘If you thought that was smearing it was and is not.’ – yes it was. You have pull on this site and people follow your lead. Previously it was you and now it is others.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No. It was not. Referring to you as “Sniggers’ is not smearing. It is a playful nickname. Also (and again) smearing is not done to a person directly but ABOUT that person to others. I did not smear you. Nobody else has done so either – can you provide evidence that other people are? Somebody correcting your inaccuracy is not smearing. Even if that person might be wrong in their attempt to correct, that isn’t smearing either.

      15. Sniglet says:

        The comments were made and I wasn’t going to rehash them again until it recently caught on as an offensive joke of which you were informed. And now you know. I have no plans to dispute the matter further. I will continue reading your great work and that is that.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Then we have both expressed our views in a constructive fashion and we can consider the matter closed. I am pleased you shall continue to read and as ever you are always welcome to make your comments.

      16. Perse, Queen of Hell says:

        I see the matter is closed about whether this is smearing or not.
        But I’d like to weigh in on the use of a persons preferred moniker.
        Some people do not like to be called something others think is cute, especially if you are altering their preferred way of being addressed.

        My N knew my given name from the start as he, as part of his employment used to cash my paychecks for me. I already had a preferred nickname I went by. I asked him to call me this. He instead proceeded to mangle my given name, to something I detested. I said I didn’t like that name, don’t call me that. He mangled my given name further, I told him I REALLY hated that name. He continued to call me that, so I ignored him every time he did call me either of these names. (he already knew I was given this acceptable to me nickname, I had told him WHY i was called that, because I didn’t like what people thought my given name could be “cutely” mangled to.).

        When he asked why I was such a bitch about it, I said he must be talking to someone else, because neither of those is my name. Why should I answer?

        From then on, he refused to use my nickname, but he used my given name correctly, and always introduced me by my given name. Others learned of my nickname, and liked using it, so called me that. I could see it chapped his hide when they did so, but he fumed silently, as it is ridiculous to argue against calling someone what they prefer to be called.

        Sniglet could have from the outset, using what she has read in “Making Requests of the Narcissist”, stoped it immediately.

        As in, “HG, I see you are being playful. I know with your great knowledge of words, you are aware of the difference between a Sniglet, and a Snigger. If you would please use Sniglet when addressing me, that would make communicating with you much more enjoyable for me.”

        I can see where her emotions would be triggered. But this is a time where she could have made the request. Then added her appreciation for his cooperation in the matter. I don’t think it would have brought any wounding to HG, since she would have made the request respectfully, and we are just tertiary sources.

        That said, it is nice to see him being playful, as long as nobody gets hurt.

        Sniglet, I DO like your name, and promise not to mangle it when addressing you. I think it is wonderful as is.

        Persephone, Queen of Hell, but you can call me,


        1. Perse,

          “From then on, he refused to use my nickname, but he used my given name correctly, and always introduced me by my given name. Others learned of my nickname, and liked using it, so called me that. I could see it chapped his hide when they did so, but he fumed silently, as it is ridiculous to argue against calling someone what they prefer to be called.”

          This just tripped a memory for me about regular name vs. nickname. My narc was the opposite. Always called me by my full name and then later on casually referred to me by my nickname. We went from “I love you Gabrielle” (and at times my first, middle AND last name) to “I care about you Gabbs”.

          I do not mind being called Gabbs. Many people call me that. But when he did it, it hurt. Once in awhile he “resurrected” calling me Gabrielle again but it was often used when he was annoyed with me. “Gabrielle, enough of this please” or “I cannot deal with you today, Gabrielle”.

          Come to think of it, it was rather patronizing. Like how someone would talk to a child. Except in the early stages of our relationship he used my full name. Devaluing me then out came the nickname.

          Oh and he frequently used terms like “kid, “kiddo”, “my child of the corn”, “lady”, and “darling” with me. Kiddo irked me the most. Kiddo. I AM 5 1/2 years OLDER and I was called “Kiddo”. He called his wife Kiddo too but she is the same age as him.

          So weird.

          1. Perse, Queen of Hell says:

            Hi Gabbs,

            I’ve noticed mine using Kiddo, too, when he was correcting women and children.
            Gotta show superiority even where none exists.

            The last 15-20 years, mine simply called me “Sweetheart” and asked me to call him the same. Didn’t use my given name much. After reading here for awhile, I can guess several reasons for this, including that trying to remember even his wife’s name, while juggling other women, was starting to tax his brain. LOL!

            I don’t know what would be the worse of the two options: that they use your name condescendingly, or that they wake up in the same house as you, but cannot be bothered to use that tiny spark of brain electricity to remember your name.

            Glad I don’t have to deal with it anymore.

          2. And just cause it’s now playing in my head,
            That’s Not My Name


    7. Carol M says:

      Oh! Moi aussi, Nuit Étoilée! I thought I was the only one, lol! I am so in love with some of the scenarios presented. I better not purchase this book, it may worsen matters to me. Besides, I feel so much better knowing I’m in South America and the boss is in the UK. If you’re gonna have golden fantasies about a Narc, he better be unattainable. Much safer, methinks!

      1. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Chère Carol – on the contrary – I would actually highly recommend the book – not only is there the incredibly seductive scene.. but the explanations Hg provides alongside demystify and literally put things in black and white.

        While I admit the sensual, erotic side is titillating, as w this post, the rest takes away the softness.. like the cold bucket NAngel referred to. I found it was like having a magic trick explained – takes away the magic.. the wonder.. I found it irreplaceable for understanding and ultimately avoiding being put under the spell… breaking the spell rather than being spellbound…

        Your comment about location made me giggle – indeed, when I told a friend where Hg is, the response was – but that’s not very far! (I’m in Europe, so i thought that was enough, but perhaps not!)

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Too Funny Nuit! As for me, I highly doubt Illinois is on HG’s bucket list to visit someday so having that ocean between us helps. lol

      2. etoileperdue says:

        Ah but Clarece, you could always visit lovely England… 😉
        (is this you admitting you’re joining us in the fantasy department? .. I obviously have given in.. but I think I’d better make more effort to get back to the books…)

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Lolll, HG would hide from me. I have too much Super Tanker Challenge Fuel to dole out

          1. HG Tudor says:

            So you like to think.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            Yup, I’d use up a lot of your energy you like to conserve.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Not at all.

            1. It would not be used up, because as you have just admitted you would be issuing Challenge Fuel so all you would be doing is keep providing me with fuel as you get more and more frustrated and upset.
            2. You would be dealt with in moments anyway.

          4. K says:

            I wouldn’t go near HG with a 40 foot pole! He is a shredder.

          5. “You would be dealt with in moments anyway”

            Well damn. That sentence has totally aroused (and also repulsed) me. I need a cold shower.

          6. MLA - Clarece says:

            I have the energy to spare when I am patiently trying to deal with someone in my normal, rational way. You’re assuming I’d be all frustrated and upset instaneously. You’ve stated previously you like a good challenge…as long as you feel you have control of the conversation or scenario and can bring the person to heel.
            However, if the person hits a raw nerve or gets too intimate in a way that is foreign to you, all you will do is shut it down, claiming nonsense and pulling the superiority card. A very transparent manipulation.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed, I relish a challenge because it entertains me. You would become frustrated and upset because you would not succeed in your endeavour. Yes, superiority would be maintained and it matters not how that is achieved, because it is achieved, that is all that matters. I also know how to deal with you.

          8. MLA - Clarece says:

            It’s apparent my feistiness entertains you.
            Superiority can only be maintained by upsetting and frustrating the other person when they think they are dealing with someone operating with the same core values and mindset as them not realizing they are being mirrored. So sure, I could still be susceptible to another Narc coming into the picture and doing that. With you specifically HG, I know differently.
            On one hand here, you have stated that you would be open to navigating in a different way in a relationship (I’m speaking generally on any level, personal, friendship, professional) if you can see a benefit. Other days you state you see no reason to ever change or attempt it.
            The only endeavor I have is to present honestly what my mindset is on topics and you are absolutely free to be open minded to them or reject them. Superiority isn’t even in play for me on that.

      3. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Clarece – have you read Fury? *referring to Hg:
        “..always referred to you as departure lounge bc when you stayed there if someone said something you did not like you just walked off. No matter what you were doing you would just up sticks and disappear” – so maybe that’s how Hg would only take moments to deal w you – he’d just walk away.. I’m sure it’d prob be the same w me, too – but then we could go for drinks together!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Maybe, but unlikely.

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          Hello Nuit!! We can definitely go for drinks together sometime!!

          As far as being dealt with…No one has figured out how to deal with me yet in 46 years. lol

  28. Mona says:

    I had a different experience. He tried to force me to kiss him again. He wanted to bind me again, but suddenly his kiss was not the same like it was before- for me. I felt his lips and they tasted fishy and slippy and there was another taste of smoke and too much coffee. It did not cause any passion inside of me and I was totally surprised. It did not “taste” any longer, although – not one hour ago – I wished so much, that he would kiss me again. Suddenly there was no spell anymore. I even tried to feel anything else about it, but there was nothing to feel than fishy lips. And I knew at that moment it was over.

    1. geyserempath says:

      Good for you, Mona!!!

    2. Bobbi says:

      I had a similar experience with mine. He shut me out for so long. I longed for his kiss, his touch, his embrace. I had tortured myself, wondering what I did wrong, why he pulled away from my touch, cringing with a look of cold disgust.
      For so long I longed, and waited…and waited…and wished. And I hoped that one day he would come around and things could be as they were.
      Then, one day, I realized that it didn’t bother me anymore. It had been so long that I no longer blamed myself, I had finally quit trying to make sense of it, quit trying to make “right” whatever “wrong” he had imagined, quit wondering and waiting if tonight would be the night.
      That’s when he surprised me. The kiss caught me off guard, but the passion that once was there was gone…I played along, pretending that he had the same effect. Once the sex was over I got up and made my way back to the couch where I had taken to sleeping since he had begun complaining that I was “crowding” him at night.
      Funny how ever since I quit caring he’s actually been making an effort. Too bad for him it’s too little too late.

  29. JAKtheNarc says:

    GROSS! Im new to your site, however grateful for learning of it. You remind me so much of my ex it makes my skin crawl. I am afraid and intrigued, just like I was with him.
    While I am attempting the no contact with him after a year of off and on again, I know in just a short few days find myself checking in to see your posts and/or comments on the threads.
    I feel like I might actually need to throw away the internet entirely. I go from one obsession to the next. This cannot be healthy! I feel like it’s making me sick again. I will say, I am thankful to have turned my attention from him to something/someone else, but it still feels very dirty.

    what does one do with this, HG? surely I am not the only one who has encountered this issue.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      You go no contact, you understand, you purge the emotional infection and you get your emotional thinking under control. How is this done? Read my work and consult with me.

  30. NarcAngel says:

    That started off like Hush for some I bet. Then the cold bucket of reality.

    1. shawn says:


      Not really (for some maybe). However, once you know who you’re dealing with, you know that there is no happy ending. Thus, that cold bucket of reality is an icy cold truth to alert the narc that they will never, ever experience the TRUE reality of a tender, passionate, warm, gentle, affectionate, sincere, sensual, sweet kiss(there’s that Hush)… Not in this World, anyway.

      1. NarcAngel says:


        That is not a concern for the narc. They dont even like hugging. Those things are just tools and manipulation to bind you and acheive their goal.

      2. WhoCares says:

        “They dont even like hugging. Those things are just tools and manipulation to bind you and acheive their goal.”

        (don’t know if this will show under your comment, as the reply button was absent) – It struck me, as I was reading your comment, that my narc once said something weird about hugging…it would have been in the golden period. He looked at me and said “You’ve shown me about hugs.” I thought this statement was a tiny bit odd and thought to myself, “ they not hug where you come from?” And, at the time, I just brushed it off as a compliment about the way I hugged…only now do I realize that I had likely ‘added’ to his construct of how to give a warm hug.
        Bastard stole that too.

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