Forever On The Fake



Fakery, fabrication and lies are the bricks and mortar of our existence. They are the bread and butter that enable us to have sustenance. I know that when you look back at the golden period you always struggle to understand that it was not real. You cannot fathom out how something that felt so right, so true and so real could actually be something so false. Our behaviour seemed so genuine. Our declarations of undying love so moving and emotive, how could this be a façade? Yes you thought occasionally that we were a little over the top but you found that endearing. The reason it seemed so genuine is because our performance was so convincing. This performance was of such a high calibre owing to two things. The first because we have practised repeatedly and we possess experienced ease at mimicking the behaviour of others. We have done it so often and to so many people we do it without thinking. And there is the neat segue into the second reason. We do it without thinking because we believe it to be absolutely the right thing to do. We are not concerned that we are exhibiting a false front to you. We are not troubled by the fact that all our smiles, kisses and pleasantries are manufactured. Not only are we not burdened by this because we are not designed to be burdened by such concerns it also because we have the complete and utter conviction that behaving in this manner is the right thing to do. We need to seduce you. We need to ensnare you and what better way to do so than by this campaign of love and desire? Where is the harm in that? We get you where we want you, we receive dollops of delicious fuel and you feel loved, wanted and placed on a throne at the top of a pedestal. It is a win- win surely?

Does it really matter that your bag is a fake Louis Vuitton? It holds objects, feels the same and looks the same, so where is the problem? That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.

Our façade to the world of being charming, reliable and wonderful despite that particular mask being removed behind closed doors again is just a necessary device. How does it matter that friends and family are conned? They like me, they admire me and they believe me so where again is the harm in that? Yes, they may not believe what you have to say about me based on my façade but that is your fault. If you had kept up the flow of fuel this would not have to happen. Everyone else out there is in blissful ignorance and you want to change that. You want them to see what you claim is the real me. Why? All you will do is upset and alarm them. Is it not better that they remain shrouded in the illusion, content and unaware,rather than be subjected to the concern and worry that you seem intent on burdening them with? Why must you project your problems on to other people?

Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control and spewing out that negative fuel that I crave so much. If you had kept up the supply of decent quality fuel I would not have to say these things to you to provoke a reaction. I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault? There is no real intent behind what I say and do, they are just merely actions which serve a purpose to ensure I get the fuel that I need.

From my seduction, through to my façade to everyone else and even my devaluing of you, it is all based on a fabrication. A necessary set of illusions required to preserve my existence. No matter who I deal with, who I interact with or who comes within my sphere of influence, I roll out the lies, the untruths and the perfidy. Everything I say or do is manufactured but I have an utter conviction in the necessity of this manufactured process so that this, couple with an absence of conscience or remorse enables me to churn out the lies and illusions like a factory production line.

I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.

17 thoughts on “Forever On The Fake

  1. Julie says:

    I too was pissed off when I realized! I did get revenge and outwitted and out played him thus making me a super nova. However I am not boasting! My question is it possible to be a codependant super nova? He’s been gone for 6 months and I cannot seem to pull my head out of my ass. I understand the process is long yet I’m not sure how it’s possible to go from beating my hands on my chest from victory to flat lining.
    I have been in my bed for days. HG help! As soon as I learned he had someone new that was it! I
    Hit the ground!

  2. geyserempath says:

    /iroll – a princess with her dragon is so apt! Love it. This article was spot-on and just what I needed today. Thank you, HG!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  3. /iroll says:

    Oh yes, i felt like a princess with her dragon and it certainly felt like i was his treasure, even when he degrades me it’s always a twisted form of desire and when he’s with me he’s always stealing glimpses of me (taking secret photos is a bit creepy though).

  4. Youdontownme says:

    I know there were times, very few, where my narc was genuinely happy to see me and his smile was spontaneous . . . not expecting to see me and then spotting me . . . was that still the golden period? So what if it was just a 10 gallon dose of high octane fuel! Don’t we empaths get the same fuel jolt? I do.

  5. /iroll says:

    This post is a hard and brilliant self analysis. It shows how you really did paint yourself into a corner. Together with the image and colours, is pure torture.

    ..but ‘your kind’ always calls us the fakes.

    I got called a ‘fragile fakezelle’ today, almost sweet.

  6. You are a mind reader, HG.

    This was the other question I had in regards to a narcissist smile being so fake.

    Behind a smile is usually a positive emotion, which you as narcissist are unable to feel, correct.

  7. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

    “Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control…”

    Yup, that’s why calling me “stupid” (because he went short on gaslight/lies) made me laugh in nex’s nose. I wasn’t mad at him a single moment. Still amused! First time I escaped he told me women like me are so…difficult and next time he will choose a beautiful but stupid one. Second time I asked him why didn’t he found his “(stupid) one” and he answered: “because they are not able to make me want them at my table, let alone in my bed. Our generations really went and learned in school, younger women are after money most of the time. They smoke, drink more than any man I know and only have huge expectations out of a relationship. They are not willing to commit.” When he finished, I couldn’t contain my words: “When you had those women you pretend to like, you managed to make them leave.” I think that was a criticism, he would rather be called an arsehole (negative fuel) than being told that. All in a calm manner.

  8. Kensey says:

    Expecting the truth is like waiting for a ship at the airport.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      What about an aircraft carrier?!

      1. WB says:


      2. Kensey says:


  9. MB says:

    HG, I take solace in the fact that the you said “I do not really mean those horrible things I say and do. …I do not mean any of it.” It would be a shame if the golden period wasn’t real but the devaluation was. What about the punishment aspect? Do you mean that, or does it “just have to happen” too?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would not take any solace in it. The behaviour is as a consequence of expedience and also as such is the declaration that it is not meant. It is, but then it is not, so long as it suits us, we will face all ways at once.

      1. MB says:

        I’ll just have to look harder for the good. I may just have to resign myself to the fact that the Narcs of the world are here to do the difficult things. War, firing squad, euthanasia, mergers and acquisitions, etc.

  10. Andrea mcdonnell says:

    Forever on it 🖤

  11. Linda says:

    I had thoughts of vengeance and revenge. I was (am; depends on the day) pissed off that I got outsmarted, manipulated, insulted, oh the subtle insults–He would watch me and smile when he saw on my face that I got it, my reaction, the pain, the hurt.

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