A Sense of Guilt


Nope you’ve got me on that one.

33 thoughts on “A Sense of Guilt

  1. UltraEmpath says:


  2. anm says:

    I do not do what the narcissist wants.
    “how could you be this way? I just want you to be human?”says the narc.
    I still do not do what the narcissist wants
    “lf you dont do what i want, I will tell my attorney. you do not want that. she is the best attorney in town and she already knows all about you and your evil ways.” says the narcissist
    i still do not do what narcissist wants.
    narcissist runs to new primary source to tell her not to be like me.

  3. windstorm says:

    Shame I understand. Self-loathing yes. Guilt – not so much. After having it beaten into me that i was defective, I quit feeling guilty. Guilt is when you messed up but could have done better. Instead I began to rejoice internally at every success. That maybe I wasn’t as broken as they thought.

    1. Caroline says:

      “Rejoicing internally” — yes, Windstorm. Yes.

      You gird yourself… steady/calm + affirming. This feels (to me) so much like your essence.

  4. AMV says:

    HI HG
    What’s the difference between feeling guilt vs shame for the Narc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See the book Your Fault.

      1. AMV says:

        Thank you

      2. Jess says:

        A book I haven’t read yet…. bestill my beating <3

        1. K says:

          I know that feeling! It is a good one and I think you will like it.

        2. SN says:

          You could listen to the Sting’s Be Still My Beating Heart in the meantime.

      3. Jess says:


  5. Gareth says:

    Hi HG,

    What is the perception when you are disguarded and then hovered but this time instead of coming back you set in place strict no contact and block them everywhere. I was e mailed and then unblocked on Facebook but without any contact so I listened to your advise. Even blocked her on my parents phone. Do they realise that they went to far the last time. I guess my question is what is the perception of doing this to them.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      See ‘How No Contact Feels Parts One to Three’.

      1. Gareth says:

        Thankyou. How do I find this

        1. K says:

          Anytime you need to search for something on the blog, you can use the search bar located on the right under the flaming EVIL. I use it for everything.

      2. Gareth says:

        Sorry I found it on YouTube. Thankyou

  6. Caroline says:

    Guilt, of the false kind….I’m making strides on this one.

    Fairly recently, I’ve started writing down if I feel guilty about something. Then I come back later to look at it, and ask myself to think it through logically. What is the legit reason I have to feel guilty? I usually realize there’s not one. So what’s the point in that? None. If there’s a reason to feel guilty, I rectify it. I want to.

    This logical mental thought process sounds like something someone in elementary school could easily grasp, but I have to practice it. False guilt became ingrained, without my catching it. I’m not blaming my parents, but one of them put high expectations on performance for me, in all areas… and I did rise to it to achieve, but I think this got enmeshed with guilt.

    It’s not so much that I feel pressure to be perfect – as it is that it bothers me when people see me as perfect. So then I feel guilty that I’m not (perfect).

    I rather like my quirky imperfections, and I don’t like hiding them. Just because I’m graceful doesn’t mean I can’t get distracted, lose my balance and fall into a thorny rose bush. Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean I’m not the last person in the room to get a sexual joke. Just because I’m capable doesn’t mean I won’t need 5 different explanations about something technical or mechanical. Just because I’m patient/sweet-natured doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally get fired up at someone if I feel it big. Lots of little things like that… and if people don’t get these less-than-perfect things about me, I don’t feel they see the real me.

    For me: Realness=Freedom=No Unwarranted Guilt

    1. Quasi says:

      Caroline, I love this ☝️☝️, I quite like my flaws also, I love the way you have expressed this… it made me smile x

      1. Caroline says:

        Aw, thanks, Quasi~how sweet.:)

        Flaws make people interesting, ya know? Like I have this odd pronunciation problem that pops up once in awhile (but I triple-check myself, and you’ll soon know why!)…I read a lot as a child, but my teachers weren’t big on us reading things aloud…big mistake, for me.

        So at age 16…I’m at this huge, fancy family gathering for Christmas… and everyone gets really quiet because they asked if I’d play a musical piece for them. So I’m getting ready to, but there’s this pewter dish with Anise candy in it, next to my music stand…wrapped in maroon wrappers, so I glance at it and ask my aunt, “Is that anus candy?” Everyone — and I mean everyone — starts laughing their heads off…and my face gets hot and my world feels like a slow-mo film…as I’m rethinking what I just said… and…oh gawd — I can’t play now, get real!… so where do I hide for forever? Lol

        (People in my family still like to bring this up at Christmas. Ok, folks, but it’s not really *that* funny anymore, is it?)

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Sorry. Still funny.

          1. Caroline says:

            Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking, sweetheart! I gotta get an oddball uncle to get drunk and strip in front of everyone, just to override this.

            P.S. And my mother says – at the time – (and I quote): “Her IQ is so high. We don’t understand this part at all.”

            So sorry, mother… oh, the shame. ROTFL.

        2. K says:

          That was hilarious! Anus candy! Thanks for the laugh! Ha ha ha….

          1. Caroline says:

            Yeah, well…my doggie is back, and it’s Tuesday. Time for the candy story! 🙂

    2. Quasi says:

      Haha …. love it. Not the prospect of anus candy! But your story… I Completely agree with you re – imperfections / flaws; they make us whole in my opinion. Accepting and hopefully liking them helps you to be at peace with who you are.

      1. Caroline says:

        Quasi~I actually HATE licorice flavoring in anything… but given a choice between the two, uh okay, I’m going with licorice…lol!;-)

        Wow, I’m not gonna eat dinner tonight… because this is reminding me of an adorable (elderly) male U.S. TV host who drank “green bean casserole” soda pop (on air) the week before Thanksgiving.

        I felt ill all day, just seeing that!

      2. Quasi says:

        Caroline… what ever you are having I want me some of that!!!! You are f**king hilarious!!! You lost me with the elderly male but I’m in stitches nonetheless! Thank you x

        1. Caroline says:

          It’s Regis. 🙂 (an American thing, so I know many on here won’t know, I’m sorry). He’s not on that morning show anymore, but he was so cute.

          But dang, he “soda pop drank” (specialty company) the entire Thanksgiving meal! Turkey and gravy soda pop?? Oh, Mother Mary…I had to shut it off because I was heading to work and felt so nauseated (pretty sure I’m a Contagion Empath, so it makes sense)…I could — literally — taste what he was drinking… and ugh!).


  7. SN says:

    What a delicious word salad!
    (Or I am not getting something. Again.)

    1. Caroline says:

      I’m sorry, what, Sarc Narc? You mean the picture and words with it? You don’t get that aspect? (That’s not word salad).

  8. K says:

    This article still makes me laugh.

    1. Caroline says:

      Me too, K…and I also feel like sticking my tongue out at HG;-).

      1. K says:

        Ha ha ha…that might be perceived as challenge fuel! Be careful, or you may end up on the naughty step.

        1. Caroline says:

          HG knows I can be naughty. It’s a “toes just touching the line” thing. But I do know when to back up.

          HG’s a lot better about knowing how to proceed with me than my narcissist though… for sure.

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