A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 56

ICARUS LETTER

 

My heart aches for you every minute of the day.  I still love you with all of my heart and soul.  You are the sun and I am Icarus. Though I know going back to you over and over again, I am begging to be lied to, used, devalued and discarded.  Because even before I knew what you were, I knew in my heart that this relationship was not a good thing.  Your love engulfed me and consumed me…your constant text messages, your declarations  of love, your words…so powerful, sweet and soothing made me as a lonely woman feel needed, sexy, Desired and beautiful.  You asked me to do so many things that were totally out of my character, like taking sexy or nude pictures, phone sex and sexting, which I had never heard of, putting money on your books, gifts and cards.
Considering myself a logic and intelligent woman, I never thought that this could happen to me in a million years.  On a drunken lonely night I posted an ad on Craig’s List for one hour, where many people responded wanting to satisfy my loneliness and quench the thirst of desire.  In my sober mess, I took the ad down and rebutted all responders.  All back away except you.
You were persistent in telling me that you just needed a friend and someone to talk to.  I also needed a friend and thought this would be perfect…a friend that I would never meet, so I would never betray my marriage to my best friend.  Oh, but you had other plans for me that went far beyond friendship.  You succeeded in you quest to steal my heart with no intention of ever loving me the way that I deserved.
After stealing my heart, that’s when the true test of my love for you began….you told me you were in prison for a 25 year sentence…..my love persisted, you told me that you were married after a year of loving you, my love persisted, then the money, the picture, phone sex, the triangulation……my love persisted.  All the face book pages with all of the female friends, many barely with clothes…my love persisted.  I continue to run from you attempting no contact….it hurts to stay, it hurts to go….I am Icarus and you are the sun.
The last time we spoke, I said I love you.  You response was ” I know baby, I know”.  I said goodbye for for the 100th time, vowing to never return.  Your response, ” why do you keep lying to yourself, you will be back”. When we speak, there is no new or intelligent conversation – we talk about your wife and how you must manage everything from prison because she is not smart enough, we talk about your son who is also in prison following in your foot step, though you claim you raised him from prison, you and your wife get your grand daughter every week, though she is free and your are behind bars, your promises of getting paroled soon so you can choke me, kiss me, cum down my neck and rape me until I call your name. Or we have phone sex or you need money.  I am determined to GOSO this time my love, because , the longer I remain here, the more you will hurt me and we come from two different worlds.  Our ideas of love have two different meaning which is not good for me. When we are together, I lose more and more of myself. When we are together I feel insane….loving someone who was never mine to love.  I lose all sense of self and there is only you and no me.  I am Icarus and you are the sun that will burn me alive and move onto the next victim.
Codependent Icarus – GOSO.

4 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 56

  1. Linda Claborn says:

    BOREDOM wake up, IT’S BOREDOM

    my Demon is a true Demon of their kind ,I am discarded but I will never be out ,I will never ever be free. I now have after I was let to get, a divorce with no rights or disclosure ,no repair of his sexual assaults in my shattered body or help for my CPTSD. Him getting the only place I knew after 11 years the decaying shack of a futire home. because it’s a profit now
    His real partner of all the 11 years on the name I once had in all the names I once had I receiving death threats and offers to anyone to come and kill me for him
    HE IS A HIGH LEVEL NATZI IN THE ARYAN CIRCLE MONEY LAUNDERING FOR THE CADDO COUNTY COURT AND LOCAL IBEW UNION . I’m an Arabic decent person and my youngest children are Of Korean Arabic Heritage

    My point dearest narcissist lol you master I bet you already know where this is going don’t you!
    Lololol

    You see, I’m a SUPER NOVA rare food because I can bite back and my bite is unpredictable, always painful and a bite he knows will be in some fashion conning, always . Even monsters can get addicted to certain acquired flavors.
    A HIGH LEVEL Is has done thought experienced everything and is so bored with co dependants blah blah blah blah that he will even though it is dangerous keep a super nova of his own if he can ,the subtle manipulations the edges of control is more satisfying that 1000 sources of fuel .
    That is true is it not? My poor Demon , my fear
    Master what will happen to him when I die for he cannot comprehend that and well I have a rare disease that his stress accelerates. P s
    I feel no envy to his true loves as they call themselves.
    This Demon spends more energy time and attention almost obsession with destroying me
    To him stupid moths I am his flame . I have never once bored him
    Enjoy your love and what your recieve from him as he endlessly tells you how to get back at me by imitating me
    Thank you master for the tirade I get bored to
    ,💋

  2. foolme1time says:

    This letter touched me in ways no other letter has! I could of written it. I’m sure I’m not the only one on this blog thinking that. I read it and reread it and thought my God this is me. To be able to admit that was a very big step for me. I hope you find the love and happiness you deserve. 😪

  3. Omj says:

    I really hope you are still real GOSO- before he gets out and that by that time you have a life and recreate your sense of worth.

    He took you to jail with him in a certain way but, you have the ability to escape.

  4. Sharon Marinucci says:

    Sorry to Say I Do Understand This Letter In My Personal Experience With My NARCISSIST They Have The Power To Make Us Feel Sexy,Lustfull , You Name It . They Are Very Adventurous ,No BOUNDARIES , That Can Be Very EXCITING For Some Of Us EMPATHS ,I Never Had any Questions About My Values Before ,I. Never Thought About Doing Certain Taboo roleplay But Having Someone So Willing To Teach & Loving Them almost Seemed OK But Then Reality Sets In This Man I Love So Much Is HURTING My Mind, Body & Good Standing With My Maker GOD ! I Need To Get Away (No Contact) By Then Your Addicted , Just As The NARCISSIST Always Had Planned , The Letter Was Written Beautifully By Someone Who Knows The Pain Of Staying & And Pain Of Leaving ,! Bless You Baby You Are Us!💔💝👣👥

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