No Contact Suicide – Part One


No Contact can be difficult to implement. Even harder to maintain.

We are looking to batter down your no contact wall and breach your defences so that we can exert control over you once again. It may be because we want draw fuel from you, positive or negative or we may wish to draw fuel and pull you back into the Formal Relationship once again and attach you to us so plenty of delicious fuel is provided to us. Dependent on our fuel needs, the constitution of our fuel matrix and the school of narcissist that we are, we may dedicate considerable time and effort to knocking down your no contact.

Having worked hard to escape us or, if disengaged, build that wall before the Follow-Up Hoovers start when we turn our attention to you once again, there are many occasions where you commit no contact suicide and bring your own wall tumbling down with next to no help from us.

There are two main elements to this no contact suicide. I explained in The Wrong No Contact that you may think you have established no contact, but you actually have not. With no contact suicide, you may well have actually implemented a robust and solid no contact regime and then, as the song goes, you go and spoil it all by doing something stupid.

Keep in mind that we anticipate the commission of no contact suicide and therefore in certain instances our own behaviour will be adjusted to encourage you to bring about the demise of your no contact yourself.

The first part of no contact suicide concerns you ending no contact by simply contacting us. This is either by messaging us, telephoning us or even making an appearance in person.

This may seem an obvious thing not to do, but it repeatedly happens. Ordinarily, if you have escaped us you will receive an Initial Grand Hoover as we fight to bring you back into the Formal Relationship. This happens most of the time – however if it does not or if it has happened and the IGH failed, we may well be relying on you committing no contact suicide through you contacting us. Alternatively, when we want to hoover you weeks or months after your escape or disengagement and you have put in place no contact we recognise there are ways of causing you to commit no contact suicide. Accordingly, you need to be aware of the ways by which we will look to cultivate an environment conducive to this occurring and also the ways in which you are susceptible to committing no contact suicide.

You also need to keep at the forefront of your mind that we are relying on bringing about  no contact suicide so that you contact us and once that happens we want your emotional thinking to surge (through repeated involvement with us following the commission of your no contact suicide) so that you reject logic and fall prey to just your emotional thinking once again. Then it is all aboard the emotional thinking train on an express route to Narc Town again.

  1. The Need For Closure

Victims have a huge need for closure. Understand this – we will never give it you. However, we know that you want it and therefore you have this need to interact with us for the purpose of understanding what has happened and achieving closure. You preferably want to speak with us, either on the telephone or in person. You are a truth seeker and the desire to find out why we did as we did, why we treated you in  this fashion (and especially if you have not realised what you have been dealing with) means the chances of you contacting us to secure closure are high. We will also bait you in this regard, offering to speak with you so closure can be obtained. We will not grant it you and instead we will give you half-answers, riddles and provoke you so that you keep engaging with us. The repeated engagement will feed the emotional infection, cause your emotional thinking to rise and then we have you ensnared again.

Do not seek closure from us. Make your own closure by utilising my works so you understand what has happened. Ask your questions of me, not of the narcissist you were entangled with.

2. The Desire For Revenge

You have been abused, messed around and humiliated. It is time to kick some narcissist ass and get revenge isn’t it? Why not? After all you have escaped, you understand more about who you are dealing with and therefore suitably empowered you tell yourself that driven by this anger, this hatred you will now make our lives hell.

By all means bring it on.

This is an understandable response, but it will cause you to commit no contact suicide. If you are seeking revenge in the immediate aftermath of disengagement or escape (and by that I mean anything up to 4-6 months afterwards) you will not be applying logic. Your emotional thinking is raging and surging and all you will do is mess up the revenge and become ensnared by us in some form again. You may find yourself back in the Formal Relationship or more likely engaged in trying to land blows against us as we revel in doling out malign hoovers against you, smearing you and pointing to your behaviour as exactly the reason why we got rid of you in the first place.

The desire for revenge is often high. Resist it. If you wish to seek revenge 4-6 months later, when your emotional thinking is firmly under control and you are applying logic, then do so and you will be far more likely to succeed. Yet, if you seek it at an early stage you will commit no contact suicide and with no good outcome for you.

3 Returning property/collecting property

We look to leave items of property with you and/or keep items of your property with us so that there is a hook by which we can contact you with the pretence of sorting out this outstanding issue. It is just a way of creating Ever Presence and then having a basis by which we can seek to hoover you.

If you have our property, remove it as part of your purging exercise. Arrange for it to be delivered back to us by courier or a third party. You do not need to contact us to ask do we want it back, you do not need to contact us to make arrangements to bring about a hand over and resist your emotional thinking which will be trying to persuade you to meet up with us like some romantic reunion at Checkpoint Charlie as you hand back a box of possessions and we use the interaction as a prime opportunity to draw fuel from you as you have just committed no contact suicide. We may not even take the goods off you, leaving them with you so we can use the excuse on further occasions.

If you have property with us write it off or make arrangements for a third party to effect recovery and if it is of significance you may have to go to law (either civil or involve the police) in order to cause us to relinquish our hold on the items. Again, our hold is not based on the items themselves (they could be your Barbie doll collection or a sports car) but rather that the item or items  provide a basis for activating a hoover by way of Hoover Trigger and/or because we recognise it will cause you to commit no contact suicide.

Recognise how property will be used against you.

4. Your Replacement/ New Interest

In certain instances we shall parade your replacement (if you were the IPPS) or a new interest (if you are a Shelf IPSS or DLS) in order to cause you to break your no contact. Many times the narcissist, when with a new IPPS, does not want to hear from you as you have been effectively deleted but this parading may still occur because

a. We gain Thought Fuel from imagining your anger or upset at knowing we are with someone else so soon after your disengagement or escape;

b. We want you to break no contact to try to challenge us in some way. This provides us with fuel and enables us to either engage in facade management by being pleasant with you (sometimes the response of upper echelon narcissists) or  allows us to engage in a malicious response to punish you and draw negative fuel.

c. We also want you to break no contact to try to challenge us so it supports the basis of our smearing of you. We gain fuel but we can also show everybody what a wild-eyed harpy you are and how fortunate we were to escape your clutches and find someone who understands us and treats us well.

This parading of the new interest may be done through announcements on social media, appearances at social events and even walking by arm in arm where you live. it is designed to cause you to commit no contact suicide by

a. Having a go at us for dumping you and finding someone else so quickly;

b. To invite your commentary when it is a situation of Have You Seen Who He Is With

c. To try to warn the new interest what they have got themselves into (which invariably fails and backfires)

d. Finding out more about this person

e. To see if we are truly happy with this person – a common fear of the former appliance

Your emotional thinking will con you by suggesting that you should confront us because we have treated you terribly and we should be made aware of this, that you have an obligation as a decent person to warn this fresh victim about us, to sneer at our choice of new love interest when you are far superior to this person and in other ways besides.

Recognise that this is your emotional thinking which is masquerading as logic and reject it before it reaches a tipping point and you become involved again.

Breaching no contact in these circumstances rarely results in you becoming ensnared in the Formal Relationship again (because of course we have someone new) but it provides benefits to us (as detailed above) but it maintains your obsession and investment so that your no contact has crumbled and may never be re-built so that when we do hoover you at a later stage to resurrect the Formal Relationship, it is easy.

5. Provocation Via Third Parties

We will not contact you direct. We want to remain aloof and draw you to us by causing you to commit no contact suicide. It reinforces our perception of power if we can cause you to destroy your own no contact and come to us.

A further way of bringing this about is to say something about you to a third party, knowing it will get back to you. It might be to a friend of yours, a colleague, the children you share with us, another family member or a neighbour. Examples would include :-

“I am rather concerned about Anne’s drinking at the moment and I wondered if you, as her sister, might have a word with her before it gets out of hand.”

“Yes, I have tried to be civil with your friend but every time I go past her house to get to work she opens the window and shouts dog’s abuse at me. I have no idea why she is being like this, but she clearly has some kind of  mental problem.”

“You know Daddy tried to stop me from seeing you because he is jealous of what a lovely time we have together. That’s not nice is it.”

“Well, I do not mind if you go to the concert but your Mum has said you are not allowed to, so you need to take it up with her.”

“I hear she has been looking for jobs with Alpha Corporation. Yes she said she is sick of being taken for granted by you and her colleagues.”

Naturally these will be lies but the intention is for this to be relayed to you and your annoyance at our behaviour, your need to establish the truth and have others knows it (including us) will cause your emotional thinking to surge so you will send a furious text message or telephone us to confront us. Once you do and we gain fuel from your response, we will use various manipulations to keep you engaging as we draw more fuel and feed the emotional infection so you will not let the matter go.

No matter how annoyed you are, how tempting it is to want to put us in our place, this is a deliberate provocation through a third party to cause you to breach no contact and get in touch with us.

There are many other methods that are deployed in bringing about this form of No Contact Suicide but the end game is the same – we want you to make contact with us by message, by telephone and best of all in person so your no contact has been destroyed and we can get what we want from you.

Understand that this is a motivation on our part. Recognise that if we have not directly hoovered you (when you expected it to happen) that we may well be engineering you to commit no contact suicide and familiarise yourself with the ways that this comes about so you can tackle your emotional thinking and maintain no contact.

42 thoughts on “No Contact Suicide – Part One

  1. Freedom says:

    Thanks HG Tudor.
    After reading your Narcissist’s perspective I was able to recognise it when my Narc, whatever category he may be, attempted to provoke NC suicide buy bringing his new interest into my social space and flaunting her in my face. I was prepared and gave no response, no reaction or no sign of emotion. It took the fuel right out of his fire and left me feeling 100% whole and in control.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  2. K says:

    T & MB
    Swimming naked and booze! This has the potential to be an episode of Empaths Gone Wild.

    1. T says:

      K, that thought is hilarious!!!

      1. K says:

        It would be epic, T!

  3. Sanna paterson says:

    I got the grand Hoover email. Love of my life B.S.. I waited a couple of weeks and sent him links to your ‘lovesex’ and ‘kiss me ‘ articles. ( brilliantly written H G Tudor. You are an excellent writer. Thank you)
    Followed by ‘the empathic supernova’ .
    Curious to find quite how vindictive and cruel I can be but I hold all the cards on this one and he should never, ever have tried it.

  4. T says:

    After years of bullshit from him I won, if only for about 5 minutes texting, and got him to admit he didn’t love me.
    He texted me back that I was right, he doesn’t love me and never loved me. Then he deleted it.
    I wanted the truth, and for a moment I got it.
    Then it was gone.

    1. Quasi says:

      The truth is always there T….
      you know it lovely..
      the most important truth now is that you are physically free from him… the freedom in your mind will come…
      just remember that your an amazing person and worth so much more then he can give you…
      Fly beautiful lady , fly x
      ( Langleys gin may be involved in this post but I still mean it – just abit more gushy then normal – which is saying something…lol) x

      1. T says:

        Hi beautiful Quasi! Thank you.
        Thanks for the truth, and you’re right, it’s always there…and lol, and I’ll join you with a gin and tonic….ahhhhhh…lolol

      2. MB says:

        This post was brought to you by Langleys Gin. Ha ha Quasi!

        1. T says:

          MB, and my dear Quasi! Thank you! .I was inspired by the drink.
          And decided I spent enough time being serious for everyone, I walked to the store and bought 2 packs of Marlborough black label 100’s , a bottle of tonic water, and a bottle of Tanqueray and walked a few miles to the beach. Needless to say I let the breeze blow away the funk. I didn’t have any ice. That was my only bitch, lol. I sat at the shoreline with my music in my ears and sang along loudly, l laughed, didn’t care who heared me. A few people who passed by looked at me funny. I held up my bottle, said cheers, and took a swig.
          Every time a couple walked by, I thought, how nice.i wondered I’d it was love or lust? In any case my main thought was,” the poor bastards”.

          1. MB says:

            What I’d give to laugh with you on the beach in Hawaii T! Sometimes you just gotta let it all hang out. Cheers!

          2. T says:

            Yes, have fun, be at peace , have our bottles, get naked and go for a swim!!!

          3. MB says:

            Never had a naked swim T! That would be an experience for sure! Hawaii is soooooooo far. But I’ll see you at the Tudor reunion.

            I meant to say this to K (and HG indirectly) but I got all wordy and forgot. I don’t know why we couldn’t have a reunion without HG fully present. He could arrange a time and a venue. Those that could attend would RSVP. We would show up and have a good time. He could watch on using hidden cameras he’s so adept at operating and we could hear his voice and see his shadow behind a frosted glass as he DJs and talks to us between Depeche Mode songs!

          4. NarcAngel says:

            Naked swimming. Shall I change your nickname from Madskills to Barnacle Jane?

          5. MB says:

            I’ve never skinny dipped before, but hey I’d be better off having empath adventures with T. Although we would probably draw a mob of Narcs to our party!

            That’s why Narcs are my weakness. I crave adventure and to have experiences I’ve never had. The open, uninhibited, anything goes, non judgemental allure of the golden period is mesmerizing and dizzying. Why they gotta be so damn fun?!?

          6. T says:


          7. T says:

            Lol, MB! There’s nothing like swimming naked in an ocean of warm water…yes, good music and good food, and ice cold drinks!!!

          8. MB says:

            Floating in warm waves is one of my favorite things, T. I love the Gulf waters and I float effortlessly on the waves. I could do it for hours were it not for a fear that I’m pressing my luck and the sharks will think I’m prey!

          9. T says:

            MB! It’s an awesome feeling. I’m having to relearn to swim, (as now days I stay in the tide pools) because of a torn rotator cuff from a bad romance.

          10. MB says:

            Wtf!!! He tore your rotator cuff? God, you don’t know how mad that makes me! I’m coming to Hawaii! Extend a sultry invite to ex narc to come naked swimming with us. He can’t turn down a threesome. Unfortunately for him, threesomes in the ocean are super dangerous.

          11. T says:

            This is partially why I’ve gone complete no contact.

          12. MB says:

            Sweet T. Thinking of you. Heart-breaking.

          13. MB says:

            T, I was only kidding about his unfortunate ocean accident. It reminded me of Earl in the Dixie Chicks song. I can’t even kill a housefly without guilt!

          14. T says:

            MB!!! No worries!!! I think of that song too. And murder, lol.

      3. Quasi says:

        Haha MB,

        Embarrassingly so ! I can not deny it! I should not log on after a night of prosecco and gin… my honesty gets ridiculous!
        Langleys gin is my new favourite! I have never had such an enjoyable hangover before … lol

        T – if I ever make trails to your neck of the woods, we will get on the G and T like a boss …

        1. T says:

          Lolol!!! Same here!!!

      4. Quasi says:

        MB –

        I know I’m new but I would be so cool with the idea of meeting you all, although logistics would probably not enable this.. . not sure about camera ? As we could be recorded and I’m prone to doing stupid stuff when under the influence.. I’m not sure a room full of potentially drunk empaths on film is a good idea… lol.. I’m sure you guys have a version of you’ve been framed – we would be on it!
        Maybe there could just be a one way mirror for HG ! Irony laced in that one !

        Not too sure about the music choices …I think I’m literally the only person on the blog who doesn’t like depeche mode? Oh man… lol

        1. T says:

          I’m not high on depeche commode. Exept new life, and everything counts, then it’s turn it up time 😚❤

        2. MB says:

          I’m not a Depeche Mode fan. But when HG is he Dj, we will hear our share of it. I could make my requests for Taylor Swift and Jennifer Netttles, but would fall on deaf ears!

    2. MB says:

      T is this the guy that beat you? Where you had to clean up pillowcases soaked in your own blood? If so, you didn’t need him to text you that he never loved you Hun. He said it loud and clear. Abuse of any kind is not love, not even close. Stay out, no contact with that bastard. You know all you need to know about him. Get your closure here. (And heal at the beach with wine and stinky cheese.) 😘

      1. T says:

        MB, yes he was.
        My new venture is learning about Stockholm syndrom. XO!

        1. MB says:

          I hope you can find the answers you require to gain your freedom T. If he loved you, he would die to protect you if someone hurt you, not be the perpetrator of these horrendous acts. Thinking of him making you bleed makes me so angry, you don’t even know! Nothing you could have done deserves that! Fight through it, don’t settle for less than wonderful. You’re worth it.

          1. T says:

            Thank you, MB.
            I realize I only partially know what love is.
            No he didn’t love me, and in our relationshit, any hole would do. That is for pills, drugs and whatever money he can get. I can’t believe I let myself go back, and go back. This may sound crazy but i thought this was the man i prayed for, and was convinced God told me id marry him. And I’m very much a victim of magical thinking. This is why I’m glad everyone is here. Why im glad I found my tribe.

          2. MB says:

            “Relationshit”. Perfect! No T, you are NOT crazy. You were ensnared.

            I am a magical thinker too. It’s all rainbows and unicorns and fairy tales. Yep, I’m a soppy eyed puppy dog. Guilty as charged!

            The difference between us, is that I got lucky that the first guy that paid me any attention wasn’t a narc and I married him. I’ve never been an IPPS, and it damn sure ain’t for the lack of trying. They say we are not given more than we can handle. The universe knows you are stronger than me.

            The Tudor Tribe. I like that. It’s a good feeling to belong.

          3. T says:

            For years I’ve been looking for somewhere to belong, to fit in. I finally found it.
            MB, we all deserve the best. I think if we hang out here with HG, and the crew, we’ll be just fine. Because this is the way it’s going to be. I accept nothing less than real love. I know it’s out there. Lol, or maybe that’s my magical thinking!

          4. MB says:

            Real love is out there T. I promise. I know first hand. I’ve been married 27 years to a man that would never raise a hand to me, dog cuss me or anything of the sort. There is no doubt in my mind that he would kill anyone that hurt me. I feel cherished.

            It’s not a thrill ride like with a narc, but neither is it abusive and hurtful. Happily ever after feels safe, content, familiar, and a bit boring if I’m being honest. I know in my heart and soul that it’s where I’m supposed to be. He’s my family, the foundation that supports me. No doubt in my mind I’ll be rocking on the porch with my little old man when we’re 90. 😊

          5. T says:

            MB , this makes my day! Thank you for giving me hope!
            I wouldn’t mind the cuddling couch potato, lol. I’ll take a little boring.
            At least your man sounds consistent.
            It’s sad because I have a hard time fathoming that someone would really love and cherish me. I do know I have a lot of healing to do. I’m hoping in a few years I’ll think different.

          6. MB says:

            T, I got to feeling bad like I was bragging. I’m glad you took it the way I meant it.

            Believe me, we’ve had our problems. Ups,
            Downs, the whole nine but I know as long as he’s alive, he’s always gonna have my back. And yes, consistent is a perfect word for him. There ARE good guys out there.

          7. T says:

            It’s odd to try to fathom that there are good men out there.

          8. MB says:

            Believe it T and you will achieve it. (If that’s what you want – never think you HAVE to have a man.)

            There are far more good than bad. I work with all men now and have been in a male dominated field my entire career. Keep the faith.

          9. T says:

            Thank you, MB😚

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