Every Song I Send You Is Bait


The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-

  1. It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
  2. We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
  3. We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
  4. It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
  5. We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.

Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.

Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.

Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.

Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.

Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.

Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.

None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.

You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.

Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.

There has to be a purpose.

Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.

During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.

You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.

This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.

Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.

When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?


14 thoughts on “Every Song I Send You Is Bait

  1. Kathy Mor says:

    As a former ballet dancer, my relationship with music is very intimate as due to the restrict and necessary ballet techniques, you don’t have freedom of expression. The “story” has to be convened within those parameters for the safety of all involved. You can’t simply, jump and dive without taking in consideration the strength and skill of your partner.
    Said that, you must feel the music to express feelings and emotions in ballet and that’s what differentiate a good ballet dancer than a technical ballet dancer. Many can put muscles on. But how many can feel the pain and joy of the emotions???
    Music affects me greatly, including classical music. Some time ago as I watched a rehearsal at the Houston ballet academy, one of the Houston symphony violinists approached me. Now, let’s talk about narcissism. Of course I caught it as soon as his arrogance infected the environment because he stopped the music “just because” he needs the eyes on him and not the dancers. After sitting by my side without my permission, inviting me and another dance for a cup of coffee, he handled us information to download his music so we could “think of him”.
    The idiot thought I was smiling at him.
    No. I was smiling because of what HG said about music and narcissism.
    Before my taste for classic music gets tarnished, I gracefully and politely left… tip toeing…

  2. Andrea says:

    I find the music thing very interesting. It’s not something I’d considered. My ex sent me a new song to listen to everyday for about 3 weeks after we met. Along with a pic of himself, which I thought a tad arrogant at the time.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Arrogance is a red flag and an indicator.

      1. A Victor says:

        But arrogance can also be displayed by empaths, it is the underlying motivator that we are then looking for, correct? And also other red flags and indicators and repetitive, on-going patterns of them, in order to determine narc or not.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct. It is the driving behaviour which differs between narcissist and non-narcissist.

          1. Rebecca says:

            HG and AV,

            I enjoy music, it effects me greatly, but when I share music it’s to share the experience of it, whether the song makes me laugh and why I think it’s funny, how it effected society at the time and was banned from the radio, to my memories of the song in a part of my life..lots of reasons I share songs, so I didn’t think anything of it when my recent LMR shared songs with me. I did take note that it was for none of the reasons I share songs. He wanted me to think of him listening to a certain song. A good indicator there, that I can now see and look out for….thanks HG!

            AV, my mother was musically talented,she played eight instruments, whereas I was in choir throughout my school years. I always enjoyed her piano playing,it’s one of my favorite instruments. I dabbled at playing it,but didn’t allow myself to learn it. I don’t know why I didn’t play it more, but I enjoy the sound. The pipe organ is another favorite instrument. It’s like a piano,but the Gothic version. Lol

          2. A Victor says:

            Thank you HG.

            Rebecca, I hope you see this, I can’t seem to reply directly to you. My kids play the piano, two very well, sand some play some other instruments and sing also. I love to hear them. My dad also sang all the time, I have missed that a lot. He had a beautiful voice which thankfully my son did inherit, but deeper, so I am happy to hear him singing now, since his grandpa is gone. Music is a huge gift to humans, one I am very thankful for even though i am personally not gifted in it. Once my son moves out I will have to start listening to the radio. 😂

  3. Carol M says:

    Thank You, Mr. Tudor, as always, you’re the best at explaining.

  4. Becoming Observant says:

    HG, have you researched or tried oxytocin therapy? Do you think it would have any effect on a narcissist, help them develop some level of empathy?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have not done so.

  5. Kelly B says:

    His song to me was “follow me” by Uncle Kracker. You look at the lyrics go figure. Had to be written by a narcissist. Still can’t believe I fell for it.

    1. mommypino says:

      My husband played that song to me a lot when we were just starting to date. I didn’t care for the song itself but I found it humorous.

    2. heather martinez says:

      Follow me is a song about heroine. It’s heroine talking to an addict like point of view.

  6. Leslie says:


    I was told repeatedly I wasn’t good enough.

    Very very early on I figured out that it was their feelings of insecurity being expressed. Therefore, I’m fine. It’s their issues.

    I’m a separate entity. The traits of other things or people are theirs and don’t apply to me. I don’t need to denigrate.

    Your reasoning is a total fail as usual.

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