Fuel, Fight or Flight?


When you engage with our kind, you can expect one of three responses from us. Whether you are a primary source, secondary source or tertiary source, the way you interact with us will generate one of three reactions from us. This is because those responses are designed, engineered and geared around providing for our needs or preserving our position. There are, as you will read, sub-divisions within those reactions, but there are three broad responses which are applicable to every kind of involvement you have with our kind. Various factors influence which outcome it will be, but it will be one of these three.


The most common interaction between us, is one of fuel. If you greet me warmly with a smile and your tone is welcoming, you are providing me with positive fuel. A waitress smiles as she passes me my drink, that is positive fuel. If a colleague congratulates me on a success with a particular client then that is positive fuel. Applause from assembled colleagues provides yet more positive fuel. The way you speak, what you say, how you express yourself and what you do all amounts to fuel. Whether you are a remote stranger interacting with me through the internet, a proximate stranger in a bar who I have started talking to, a long-standing inner circle friend, a family member or my girlfriend. All of you are appliances and your positive interactions – praise, love, admiration, joy, happiness, congratulation, adoration, caring – are all forms of positive fuel. You readily provide them and we regularly act in various ways, some subtle and others not, that provoke you to give us this positive fuel.

There is also negative fuel. Thus if I insult a stranger and he tells me angrily to go boil my head, then that is negative fuel. I may just lap that up from him as I stroll down the road, edified by this dollop of fuel. I may criticise a colleague on his performance so he sulkily defends himself. More fuel. I may ignore a friend’s telephone calls so his repeated texts asking what is wrong gives me more fuel. I may call you names so you cry and thus I gain fuel. Whether it is hatred, jealousy, anger, pain, fear, envy, irritation, annoyance, misery and so forth, these are all negative emotions and thus negative fuel.

As you know from the Prime Aims, fuel is the most important aim that we wish to secure from you.

Most people can grasp why we would want positive fuel from our appliances. After all, who does not want to be loved and admired? Sure, some people may want it more than others, but everybody likes to be well thought of don’t they?

People struggle to understand why we want negative fuel. I have explained before that it is about creating a contrast and also because negative fuel is more powerful because people are more inclined to be pleasant and provide positive fuel (especially those who we target in the empathic group) and therefore it underlines our power when we can draw negative fuel from somebody. Of course, other than tertiary sources, we do not look to draw negative fuel straight away from a primary source or secondary source as if this is done before they are embedded then we will lose them. The positive has to come first.

Often one major revelation for our victims is that we want both positive and negative fuel. They understand why we would want to be admired, adored and loved, but why would we want to be insulted, have somebody angry with us, somebody attacking us in a petulant manner. We do because it is negative fuel BUT this leads to the second category concerning our reactions.


This is where there is a sub-division when we decide that we are going to fight.

Fight – Challenge

Where we decide to engage you and in effect ‘fight’ we do this because you have challenged us. There are two crucial components behind this decision. Firstly fuel provisionand secondly exerting control.

Let us take for example that you react angrily to the fact that we have walked in at midnight smelling of drink when we had promised to take you out. Your angry response is negative fuel and is the fuel provision. Although you may be calling us names and thus an ordinary bystander would regard this as criticism, it is not wounding criticism because the name calling and the savage words are wrapped up in fuel.

We might just accept this negative fuel, push past you and head for bed. More usually however we consider this to be a challenge.

You are giving us fuel which is what we want but we want more. We can readily tell there is more to be obtained and therefore we know that if we argue back,  unleash our manipulations and so forth we can provoke you to give us more fuel. This is an instinctive response on our part. Thus we are maximising the fuel provision.

Secondly, although we are not wounded because your critical comments are bound up in fuel, you are still challenging us and this cannot be allowed. We must have the upper hand, we must be in control and therefore we see this as an opportunity to not only gain more fuel from you but to exert control over you. Thus, we strike back.

Accordingly, if having read my work you wonder why on earth we respond in such a fashion that looks like our fury has been ignited, but you know it could not be because your comments are fuel, the reason we fight back and argue, lash out etc is because this is a way of gaining more fuel and also exerting control.

Fight – Fury

The other sub division of the fight category is where you have ignited our fury and we decide to unleash fury against you.

If you have wounded us through criticism (which is fuel free) this will usually (unless control can be exerted) cause the ignition of our churning fury. Your criticism might come from words but more usually it is from actions which wound us in some way. This wound has to be addressed and the usual way is for the ignition of fury.

Fury, when ignited is either heated (shouting, physical assaults, sexual violence, breaking things, name calling, issuing threats) or cold fury (sulking, silent treatments, cold shouldering, glaring).

In either instance the heated fury or cold fury is an instinctive fight response to what you have done, namely you have wounded us. This response is designed to draw fuel from you (which heals the wound) and also to exert control over you again by stopping your criticism of us and forcing you to give us fuel instead.

Thus, it is similar to the sub division above but it is different because it is caused by wounding, rather than the instinctive knowledge that more fuel can be obtained and control exerted through a fight challenge.


The third category is one whereby we withdraw.

This is not a silent treatment (although this may follow). Instead it occurs in situations where we have been exposed to ourselves, to others or criticised so that we are wounded. We may well have had our fury ignited but it has failed to draw fuel and instead you keep wounding us. In such circumstances we have no choice but to dis-engage, withdraw and seek fuel elsewhere to heal the wound, thus avoiding your failure to give us fuel and your repeated wounding.

Accordingly, when you deal with us you either.

1 Give us fuel

2a. Give us fuel but we fight back to gain more fuel and exert control ; or

2b. Our fury is ignited and we fight back to gain fuel and exert control

3. We withdraw – flight.

By way of example, suppose a tertiary source bumps into us on the street and immediately apologises. That is fuel. We may accept the fuel and that is the end of the interaction.

We may decide that this person should be taught a lesson and we can get more fuel from them so we fight back and call them an arsehole for not looking where they are going. This annoys them because they apologised to us. They respond angrily and thus give us more fuel. We keep arguing with them in order to provoke them.

If a person bumped into us and did not apologise, we would regard this as a criticism. This would wound us and therefore there is a risk of our fury igniting. If it does (subject to the control threshold of the relevant narcissist) then we lash out at them telling them they are a sleep walking turd in order to cause them to give us fuel either by being upset at our tirade, or to apologise or for them to argue back at us because we have insulted them. We gain fuel and this is drawn until the wound heals.

By way of a further example, the IPPS tells us how wonderful we are. This is positive fuel which we accept.

If the IPPS accuses us of having an affair and if they do so in an upset manner, we gain fuel. We will most likely see this as a challenge – there is more fuel to be gained here AND they are telling us what we can and cannot do, so we need to assert control. We will insult them telling them that it is no wonder we speak to other women because the IPPS is frigid. This causes further upset, generates more fuel and also allows us to exert our control.

If the IPPS fails to give us our birthday present early enough on our birthday, we feel criticised. Our fury ignites and we lash out through cold fury or heated fury to gain fuel from the IPPS for the purposes of healing our wound and at the same time this also ensures we demonstrate who is in charge and thus we exert control.

Accordingly, in all your interactions with our kind be aware that what is happening is that you are either giving us fuel, there is a fight challenge or fight fury or we flee. Being aware of these responses provides you with understanding and also enables you to marshal your responses accordingly.




13 thoughts on “Fuel, Fight or Flight?

  1. ifonlymommy says:

    I just don’t think it’s all that complex. I think your (narcissist) lack of empathy is actually

    1. ifonlymommy says:

      almost a choice. It’s not really but that’s the best way I can currently describe it. I understand the genetic link and brain scans etc but that’s not all we are. I feel the control, tricks, cruel behavior, general asshole behavior, need for fuel of many kind is more a need to “feel” in control, “feel” powerful, “feel” important when you really don’t feel those ways. Not at first anyway. Overtime you almost gaslight yourself. Believe you have much more power than you actually possess. I’d compare it women who have a hard time letting go of her thoughts to actually be in the physical moment of lovemaking to ever have an orgasm. She holds on to that control but the control isn’t allow her to experience something that should come easily. The control, he constant running list of thoughts dominating her mind and taking away from freely “feeling” the moment and releasing everything.
      You’re holding on to something, to many things that are meaningless. Believing in nothing beyond yourself because to let that or anything else happen would be too dangerous. So you control and trick because anything else could allow you to feel things you couldn’t control. We are more than our physical being yet that concept is too much for you to accept. So you don’t.

      1. DoForLuv says:

        It’s true that the power and control may be way lesser than they imagine it . But yet off course they think do and see everything in extreme thats how they are . We all know eventually that we’ll always be in control spiritually we care about that so it lives in our physical aswell … I think there are honest articles about how they don’t want to face the wound inside and run from it .

        We have New souls and old souls but every soul in a Human body has seen the light some are just younger and have to learn more right now , we been there too . I may have hurt other souls hundreds years ago just to understand now this is wrong .There most be a reason why they follow us “The Light”

  2. DoForLuv says:

    I used to be so ashamed that I’am a not good working “ appliance “confused why not ! Thats why I kept returning to this blog read more and more , but now I realise it means a good thing that I’am no longer a person who is easily abused ! That means I love myself so much more .

    1. Bubbles🍾 says:

      Dear DoForLuv,
      Atta girl !
      The more you luv yourself, the more selective, the less tolerant
      Don’t ever let anyone treat you like a “switch” ….ever again
      Hugs beautiful
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    2. Mercy says:

      DoForLuv, that made me laugh because I use to think the same. I remember reading and feeling sad that I was just a broken toaster in the shelf above the fridge. I wanted to be the KitchenAid on the counter. How absurd huh?

  3. mommypino says:

    Thank you for another wonderfull article! My goal is to make the narcs flee from not gaining any fuel from me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  4. Becoming Observant says:

    Once we know what they are, if we deliberately criticize and provoke fury, just for the pleasure of watching the tantrum (emotionlessly, preferably in front of their peers), I find that their revenge is so far beyond my imagination, they win. It is such a struggle (for me, idk about the other 12 million readers) to let pride, intuitiveness, intelligence, and vengeful feelings go, and to learn to step aside and ignore them.

    The more I read your work, HG, the more I am convinced that everyone around me is a narcissist. It’s such a defeating feeling.

  5. Mercy says:

    This is very good information. Something I never thought too deeply about is that negative fuel is just a type of fuel and not actually negative to a narcissist. Negative should equal bad but in this case it doesn’t.

    HG could flight also be a way to gain control?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  6. J.G says:

    Hello H.G tudor, here’s the girl who lives inside the mirror. hahahaha.
    What would happen if the narcissist arrived drunk, looking for the fuel, he found that his wife ignores him and is not happy with that, he comments in a soft but audible voice.
    What can be expected of you, Scum! (Without any kind of emotional attention).
    This kind of criticism would ignite the fuse of her fury.

    H.G. Tudor, don’t laugh.
    I’m asking myself absurd questions…
    In the strange hypothetical case where a narcissist never got the fuel from anywhere. For example he has fallen on an uninhabited island.
    What would happen to him?
    What happens to the narcissist if he doesn’t get the fuel in any way?
    He dies?
    He goes into depression?
    Get horribly bored?
    Do you die of grief?
    Would it survive?
    Goes crazy?
    Okay, fuel is like air for narcissists, but if you don’t get this one. What happens?
    Because I’m dying without air.
    This is a question to which I have never found the answer in your books. But if you say that fuel is like oxygen for us, it is evident that without it we all die.
    Me and my absurd questions…
    I don’t know if you will answer, but if you don’t, I think I will answer myself… using my somewhat childish sense of humor.

    If I were a narcissist…

    1 I would panic when I find myself on an island alone. and if I wasn’t also….
    2 I would try to survive physically by eating coconuts and fish. And if I wasn’t too…
    3 I would panic again, seeing that food is scarce because I don’t have the tools to fish, nor the knife to cut the coconuts. And if it wasn’t also…
    4 I would be horribly bored, because I couldn’t read your publications. Cursing my bad luck… And if it wasn’t so too…..
    5 Panicking for the umpteenth time, in both cases….
    6 I would fail because of a lack of fuel, I would take a couple of coconuts to try to triangulate them. If it were not…, I would take that same for coconuts I would try to take them as friends to chat like Tom Hanks in his movie Island. First signs of madness…
    7 I would die of grief, seeing that I would get nothing at all, in both cases …
    8 I would go into deep depression in both cases.
    9 I would go crazy
    10 I would commit suicide driven by my madness.

    Conclusion in both cases I die and therefore we are not so different….

    Could an Empathic / Super Empathic / Codependent live without falling in love?
    I believe that we are equal but with differences, in our brains they have operating systems that work correctly, but that when interacting between us we enter in conflict.
    Windows vs Apple.

    Don’t post this comment ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Or if you want to do some evil hahahaha.

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