The Prime Aims
I have three Prime Aims.
All of our kind has three Prime Aims.
Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.
Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love to secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.
Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.
Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.
Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.
The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.
Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.
So, what are they?
Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.
The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you and everybody else, caused by us. It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.
Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.
It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interact with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.
If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.
Fuel is the single most important thing to us. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.
2. Character Traits
We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.
Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.
If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.
Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass off as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.
3. Residual Benefits
Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?
We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.
These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.
We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.
We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.
The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.
Thus fuel, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.
Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid your understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.
36 thoughts on “The Prime Aims”
As always, HG displays unparalleled knowledge and wisdom. My ex-g/f is a rather lazy and undisciplined mid-range covert narc. She makes very little $$ and was materially dependent upon me because she’s a tragically selfish, lazy, flaky, and emotionally sado-masochistic. She attached herself to me and all three prime aims were filled with unparalleled Grade A+ Fuel courtesy of yours truly in exchange for a wondrous golden period.
The inevitable devaluation began. Being a Super Empath, I saw what was happening. I would resist her emotional incursions when her manipulations became annoying. Finally, I threw her out of my home because her devaluation had become outrageous and she said that she was moving on to live a much better life without me.
Even though I had gone no-contact, I saw her four months later in a public place. I barely recognized her. She had literally hit the wall and then crashed and burnt. Her new IPPS was an unemployed bum. He looked rather grimy and a bit sketchy. So did she. She had plucked out her eyebrows due to stress. Mr and Ms Gollem looked like they had been couch surfing and had no home.
Shocking what happens when a mid-ranger fails at achieving the three prime aims. Third rate fuel. A low-life partner to mimic and mirror. Zero residual benefits. Truly, a living hell.
HG is right about Super Empaths. We are not narcissistic, but we have narcissistic traits. I love positive fuel where everyone wins. However, Friedrich Nietzsche has a most appropriate term, Schadenfreude. It is applicable in a situation where a Super Empath has witnessed a troublesome opponent who has crashed and burned due to her tragically pathetic gullibility, denial, and malice.
It is truly a glorious source of Grade A negative thought fuel.
If fuel (and control in order to ensure fuel level and maintain facade) are paramount, would most narcs choose “easy” fuel/”easily” controlled over character traits and residual benefits, even if those traits and benefits were MUCH better than their current situation?
Would that decision vary depending on school?
Varies on level of fuelling and the school.
I’m curious too about this question…can you break it down by school? Thank you HG.
“Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims”
I think that is the most valuable piece of information that I have learn from you HG. If I could get my emotional thinking to stop sabotaging my logical thinking about those two sentences I could be narc free.
H.G. I have a question. How would these work in regards to children? Specifically stepchildren. My stepmother got some fuel obviously but I am still slightly puzzled by her “help” with me after I turned 18 (age of adulthood for the US) when she happily threw my 3 older brothers out as soon as she could? She seemed to want to keep me around. I instead took off and apparently kicked her in the lady bits with steel toed boots with how she blew up from things. Guessing I wounded her greatly with moving out, pity I didn’t know any better on staying away.
I think it was a Hoover or attempt to save face? At least after I left, but she was laying out things before I left too. They don’t quite fit in those categories then but I’m sure she had to be getting something since she’d not be doing this out of the goodness of her black ice ball of a heart.
They apply to all appliances.
This is such an important post to read. It explains so much – I can look back and using hindsight, piece together some events and how these prime aims presented in them.
The ‘fuel’ element is something that fascinates me. That versus not really feeling love.
Thank you HG. I’m here reading every day, and although I don’t comment a lot, I find your writing incredible. So are your books. I’ve bought 4 or 5 now. Addictive reading. So healing too.
It is an important piece Laurel, yes. Thank you for buying the books, they and others will serve you well.
Though I’ve read this article before, I now understand it a little differently. I think we all have these prime aims, except for negative fuel. We all want companionship/company/conversation/humor/love/loving gestures (fuel). We all need someone who will help out financially (residual benefits), and we all repeat information we learn frm others(character traits, but we do not pass it off as our own, we disclose where we heard it from).
I agree Jenna and have thought so for some time.
I did not realize it until very recently, post entanglement and disengagement. When did you realize it?
My disengagement (but not devaluement) was very late autumn in 2017. Very shortly after that I find narcsite and become weaponised. As HG predicts, the GIH happens 4/5 weeks later which I consciously see to be what it is.
After I got Christmas out of the way, it’s at that point I begin to make notes, sketches really, of what was happening in my life.
The more I read the more it seemed utterly apparent that there are more similarities than differences between us – two sides of the same coin.
This is why we are equally fascinated with each other almost to the exclusion of everything else. As I can only speak from being a SEM, it might be more pronounced in my school. I haven’t met enough Emps to form any conclusions. Tell you what though, the three I know are ALL with MR’ers (one CD and 2 Emps) and no, I haven’t said anything and will not unless they want to ask first.
Thank you for your reply. It’s interesting that we start noticing the similarities after some time, much after being weaponized. We first need to see how different we are, in order to feel ‘freed’ from their effect. Once we have passed that stage, we start seeing these similarities. I think HG has unlocked the prime aims of human relationships in general, and that is HUGE! He should copyright, put a patent, whatever, on his theories. He should publish his theory in psychological journals. Piaget, Pavlov, Skinner, Freud, HG Tudor. His name should be there!
We first need to see how different we are, in order to feel ‘freed’ from their effect.
Oh YES! Absolutely. Then the crushing reality dawns; we ain’t that dissimilar. Then even further for the SE school when we realise quite why people act so odd around us. They are uncertain how to take us.
I think HG has unlocked the prime aims of human relationships in general, and that is HUGE!
Also agree but it goes even further than just inter-personal human relationships but how society functions as a whole. That one is a monumental head-fuck of epic proportions.
He should publish his theory in psychological journals. Piaget, Pavlov, Skinner, Freud, HG Tudor. His name should be there!
He really should and I hope he does so at some point in the future. I also think it’s that important.
Hi, G.H. Tudor.
When the discard or escape occurs, you remove the character traits of the discarded person from you.
Or on the contrary do you keep these to continue seducing the next person?….
Because, as you say in your writings, you take again the character traits of the new victim, reflecting them as a mirror to seduce them, so that they fall in love with their own traits.
We do but we might use the achievements and information from others to make ourselves more alluring. Thus, let’s say the new target likes travelling, we may pass off the previous IPPS’ trip to Rome as our trip.
“… pass off the previous IPPS’ trip to Rome as our trip”
Cmon hg, you don’t need to do that. You are interesting enough as it is!
I was referring to the less refined and evolved of our kind, naturally.
Oh yes naturally why didn’t I think of that?! The lesser cavemen😂
Great question JG. I’ve wondered the same but never remember to ask. I’m glad you asked it.
I do want to ask you a question though. Why do you adress HG as GH?
She lives inside a mirror.
You are remarkably funny. Imo, you don’t need to mirror anyone. Though I’ve been on the blog for 2 yrs, I just cannot grasp the mirroring concept. Finally I grasped the concept of fuel (my own explanation above).
I am a dyslexic and passive codependent. I have everything.
JG, I didn’t mean to insult you. I was truly curious. I hope I didn’t offend.
“No es nada”
HG or GH
“El es el mismo”
We’re pleased to have your company JG.
“Feliz ano nuevo!”
Caroline R, that was very sweet of you to say.
I just hope she doesn’t get my initials backwards though. It’ll make me look like shit.