Point Askew
In a discussion with Dr E we were engaged in one of the sessions where he invites me to consider the situation from the point of view of those that I interact with. On this particular occasion we were discussing situations where a victim wishes to cease interacting with me and he wanted to know if I could understand why they might form that view. Since I am a clever chap I am able to work out how people might feel about being on the receiving end of my behaviour. I understand that anxiety and hyper vigilance, misery and upset follow the way I treat people. As you know though I do not care. People make the mistake that I am dismissive of the way people feel. It is not that. I can see that they are upset. I can see that they are angry. I know all of that. What people often fail to realise is that my needs have to come first. I need my fuel. If that means you standing there sobbing at me then that has to happen so I get my fuel. If there was a different way of getting that fuel then I would use that method. If that alternative method did not leave you upset then I would take it, but there is no other way, not when I grow tired of you. I need the fuel and that means you have to suffer as you supply that to me.
I do understand how you feel because I have seen the reactions over and over again. I know what anger looks like, I know what misery is and I have seen despair so often. I can understand your point of view when you stand arguing with me, but I will not concede to it. I want you to keep arguing as that gives me fuel. I will deploy a circular argument to keep the drama going. I want you to explode through frustration and shower me with your attention as you do so. I hear everything you say to me (although I will wind you up by saying I cannot hear you, so you speak louder and become exasperated). People suspect that I cannot appreciate what your view is. I do but it must always be subservient to my desire for fuel. Of course, by telling you this I can extract even more fuel from you because now you know that I understand your views but I wont pay any heed to them and that will infuriate you all the more.
26 thoughts on “Point Askew”
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I like the simplicity of this one very much. That it’s all for the fuel. My boss would often take forever with me, giving me a hard time, making me explode with explanation, but then he would usually pick up the phone or send an email to fix my complaint. He would always ramble on while waiting on the phone about did I know how important he is and here he is taking time out of his busy schedule to help little Kel, and of course I would thank him profusely. Honestly no one else would make it happen but him, a narcissist.
You damn right it will I cant befin to tell you how I would go in those circular arguments now that o know what is going just let’s me know it wasnt me.
Hi HG, when you say fuel, do you mean Attention, or Power? What do you get out of this? Fuel can have several meanings.
Best Regards
Anna Marie
Read the book ‘Fuel’ it is all in there.
The image reminds me of the inside cover of The Presidents of The United States album! 😂
Yeah that image HG….Is it that mime artist who used to play Nobbybonk?
blackunicorn123, “Spider’s bad ass fat old abdomen’s stuck in the bucket seat”. “He’s ridin’ the accelerator down to the floor with his fuzzy little toe.” Fun song! Thanks for the reminder.
https://youtu.be/mg0dkJfrPYM
You’re welcome!!! The whole album was brilliant for lyrics! “ I can’t get your body out of my mind”! 😂😂😂
HG, I’m out now. A hoover is starting. How can I stay safe when even the police help him? I’m escaped property. I have a certain amount of help from people I can trust. You can better imagine his state of mind.
Well done on getting out. You should book a consultation with me – I need more information from you and a consultation is the most appropriate method of enabling me to convey the best information to you, tailored to your situation. The process is completely confidential.
Leslie, I think you need to drop the “escaped property ” bit, unless you live in Saudi Arabia.
marinathemermaid3,
“Escaped property” is an apt term when dealing with a narcissist, regardless of what country you’re in.
Mgjyfhgosgmaidg3,
Leslie absolutely IS escaped property. HG even endorses such. Why would you even correct her that way? Saudi Arabia? The hell?!?
She just got out. Are you a trolling Narc on this site? Apologize now.
Piss me off….
Leslie – I’m so pleased to hear you are out. Stay safe.
I’m so happy for you Leslie! You are a very strong woman. Please consult with HG if you possibly can and stay safe. I hope the children are with you as well.
Leslie, so proud of you!!
Stay strong, you got this!!!
And call HG 😉
I’m doing a happy dance for you over here in the frozen tundra of snowy Canada 🙂
I guess I missed it somewhere that you are Canadian FGS. Stay warm!
Dear Leslie,
Stay safe lovely one
Our thoughts are with you
With sincerest wishes – please ake care
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hope you’re doing well, Leslie!
Well done Leslie! Echoing others, call HG if you can. Frame your questions carefully then prepare to get your mind blown.
Depending on school, this next few days/week will be vital. Be VERY careful on who you trust as the seeds of the smear will already have been planted.
If NC breaks for whatever reason, dont beat yourself up. Just reimplement it.
Dont forget, you always have us here too.
I wonder….it was mentioned previously about a new dynamic in your relationship and how you were being more pro social.
You are part of the dark triad with the common thread of lack of empathy. Following the concept of nature vs. nurture many on here were victimized as children, some raised by narcisstic parents. Yet they ended up going the empath route as opposed to continuing the cycle. I imagine this falls under nature rather than nurture.
If they cannot change their identity as an empathy, only strengthen it through help (specifically co dependents), then I wonder if you being what are cannot change your lack of empathy, but because of your extremely high cognitive abilities are strengthening your lack of empathy as well as your abilities.
I wonder if the good doctors with their good intentions are in fact weaponizing you.
wounded,
Re: weaponizing, I had a similar thought.
I also wonder if this “new dynamic” talk is HG’s form of future faking his own dear readers!
I honestly expected very negative feedback on this thought though I was not being disrespectful. John Douglas in his book Mind Hunter talks about the inability to rehabilitate personality disorders and that the mindset of attempting to do so is very damaging. Empaths can learn to keep our guard up but we cannot switch off and not care at all. It is against our nature. On the flip side I believe this applies to anyone in the Dark Triad.
@Lisk
No, I don’t think he is future faking. He’s attempting the same thing that’s gone through my mind; how to live in the world, knowing what you know about yourself. Knowing what you are and represent to others.
I dont think any of us want to be alone. I dont. But equally, I’ve done ‘unweaponised normal’. I can never go back to that old me. These last few months I’ve been grieving for the old her. I think this last week or so I’ve said my goodbyes.
HG, oftentimes I enjoy your articles that are short and very to the point.