Parasite

PARASITE-5

You fed off me and I am sick of it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my magnetism, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am magnanimous I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to annoy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my charm, my attractiveness, my easy manner with people and how they are drawn to me and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted some of that. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my impeccable reputation, my scintillating presence and my esteemed connections. I do not blame you for wanting to be associated with me, who would not? Who would not want such a slice of the action as me? The opportunity to move in circles that you had never experienced before. The chance to be somebody. The time to clamber upwards from the tedious life you led and the doldrums in which you festered. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to be a part of that world. You certainly did become part of that world as well. You enjoyed my extraordinary largesse as you accepted my gifts, my invitations and my cold hard cash. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed your friends and family to become part of my entourage, they certainly had no qualms about getting on the gravy train did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were always only ever my friends. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my irritation became annoyance? That my annoyance became fury? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I had to stop this. I had to find someone who would give rather than take and that meant I had to be rid of you. That is why I chose someone else to escape your leeching and draining behaviour. That is why I cast you aside. You are a parasite.

 

You fed off me and I am sick with it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my goodness, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am the kind and caring person that I pride myself on being, I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to destroy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my compassion, my attractiveness, my empathic manner with people and how they respond to such kindness and love and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted all of that for yourself. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my gushing compassion, my reflective presence as my emotional nature. I do not blame you for wanting to be with me, who would not when they are a creature like you? Who would not want such to erode me slice by slice? The opportunity to move yet again in circles that you had experienced before. The chance to be make yourself feel like somebody for once. The time to clamber upwards from the empty life you lead and the chasm which threatens to engulf you. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to make me part of you by swallowing me up. You certainly did make me become part of you as I struggle to remember most days who I am and what I was before I met you. You enjoyed my extraordinary love as you accepted my attentiveness, my invitation into my heart and my warm, loving nature. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas to who I was and you saw no reason to ever respect my identity. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised and even when you began to abuse me, I never wavered from that. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed my friends and family to become part of your facade, they certainly had no qualms about forgetting me following your smear campaigns did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places in side my soul once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were my friends until you banished them. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my confusion became despair? That my despair became desperation? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I need to find a way to stop this, but I can’t seem to. You won’t stop.  I have to find someone who will give rather than take and that means I need to be rid of you. I know this has to happen but I feel I cannot escape you, you have drained and leeched from me to such an extent that I am barely able to think and function. That is why I need to cast you aside but how can I when you will not let me go and you will not stop causing me to love you. You are a parasite.

Who is the parasite. You, me or both of us?

The parasite is the one who benefits at the expense of the other.

Who is the parasite?

36 thoughts on “Parasite

  1. Cindy says:

    My answer is the narc. The narc engages with specific desires and requirements. He can tell very early on if the target is a good source of fuel, and residual benefits.
    I did not engage the narc to gain. As an empath, my intentions were to share and give. I was foolish and gullible, yes, but then it is my nature to assume I will be loved and cherished in return.
    I’m Stoll empathetic, but not as gullible. My trust in people took a hard hit by the time it was over. I don’t believe I can replenish the trust, and genuine empathy I once had.

  2. veronicajones1969 says:

    I feel, hear ,and know, I can’t predict futures or control it It often depends on the emotion of the other person and the intensity they’re been times I put my foot in it because I’m so overwhelmed with what I have actually felt that I say something in one case a Friend of a friend walked into my And I could feel the trauma of rape on her I was young and didn’t have the sense to keep my mouth shut and asked if she was okay .Shopping can be a complete nightmare it’s not all bad I do feel good emotions from people but for some reason they don’t have the same intensity If it’s not in person I generally need to have a connection to them but I have felt complete strangers I just don’t know if it’s in close proximity or at a distance because it’s the same with my children they can be thousands of miles away and it won’t matter I will know

  3. G. says:

    Which one thinks in terms like parasite . That is not a term thought of in a love relationship . So answer is -you .

  4. kel says:

    Eww! Please put a mask on the picture to this story! Scrolling down always magically stops on this pic, of course.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It serves its purpose, Kel.

  5. Findinglife11 says:

    You.

  6. veronicajones1969 says:

    I think we all can be parasitic at times , scientists have measured the energy exchange between people in different emotional states. And proven it.
    I am a true heyoka empath it’s not fun at times ,sometimes I don’t want to know what people are feeling and I have taken energy from some people i have had conflict with it’s not a intentional thing but I have seen the look of defeat and how drained they are when I am being given malignant hoovering and I project love at them, they don’t understand it and take it as mocking them. All they see is a mirror reflection ,most people are afraid of more than they are willing to admit especially narcissists , I tried to faced all my fears so far of what people can or will do to me I don’t fear death there are worse things than That . sometimes I want it
    My biggest weakness is my love and only because I refuse to let it go I believe it has kept me alive and hate is not the opposite it’s the pain associated with love. indifference is .
    In my experience with narcissistic people it is not very common for them to be indifferent well until discarded but even then there is still a deep well of emotions associated with it , fury rage and hate comes out because of pain and to be truly indifferent the pain would not be there . In the Golden period they show signs or rage and will steal energy from people I say steal because they don’t give it back,as in a normal exchange they just know how to add the charm to hide it except from the victim they want them to see it , to want to hurt someone like that you must feel anger a secondary emotion to pain . The difference in the energy exchange between narcissists and empathetic people is the intent narcissists and empaths are literally just opposite ends of the spectrum our wants, desires and needs are very similar yet at the same time opposite, we just have very different methods of getting it an empath would not try to coerce, manipulate , force intimidation or abuse of another persons free will because we know that it is not real love , also love is an unlimited source of energy and it is completely unnecessary to steal it and is always more pure when it is given.
    Something to bare in mind is that you cannot give to someone what you don’t have so if a narcissist picks a broken codependent person who doesn’t love themselves they don’t have love to give away to anyone their need is to be loved and is all that matters sound familiar? these people are usually empathetic because they have have firsthand experience of abuse and have a greater desire to fix the broken hearts of others to prove to themselves that they are worthy of love and try to heal their own pain you may think that is selfish but it’s really more like survival but either way does not work , so when it is not reciprocated they just become more wounded as The focus of healing their own pain is outside themselves, kind as they are they are not empaths
    There are very few real empaths it is a gift and a curse at the same time we stand out because we are not the archetype so we don’t fit into a normal category and are incredibly strong individuals.and are usually loners by choice
    I still have feelings of wanting to be with my narcissist but it’s not to fix him or change him I know what he is he discarded and devalued me so many times in the past I lost count that I fell out of love with him years ago my self esteem self worth and self love we’re almost nonexistent and just become angry with three children I didn’t want to take from their father I stayed so I think I may have become a codependent almost I’m not afraid of being alone I do fear hurting others and have a strong sense of responsibility especially for my children and I chose to except theses responsibilities . I want to be loved by someone I am in love with although I have had many people try I have never cheated it goes against everything I believe in .i have loved someone else though I still do he knew and wanted an affair didn’t take no well . He hates me with a passion now
    I left my husband once for eight months and still remained faithful, he got my kids on side and I went back
    No matter what I do I cannot avoid narcissists and I have a unique ability to bring out the worst in them they don’t take rejection well or the inability to control me I know when I am dealing with ones d the lies and games that they play it’s why I have not had a consultation with you yet . I am getting your books though
    Oh good luck with your new relationship I believe you have everything you need to love her properly if you just give it a chance and when the beast beckons don’t open the cage if you control it,it cannot control you

    1. Twilight says:

      veronicajones1969

      How do you know your a true heyoka? This is a term within the culture of the Lakota people and what is read on the internet is but a fraction of what it means to be Heyoka.
      White man uses this term as to describes this Empath to be the most powerful of empaths, yet not fully understanding what a true heyoka is.

      I mean no disrespect only curious as to how you became enlightened to the fact your a true heyoka.

      1. veronicajones1969 says:

        It’s is in my blood line my great grandmother was a Sharman, I am part Cherokee Indian, Lakoda is more language/ way of life among many tribes than a type of Indian and up until recently wasn’t even written one . I have always had the ability to actually feel other people not sympathise with them but physically feel their emotions as if they are my own it took me a long time to understand what it was It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I knew that wasn’t me And I’m still learning how to deal with it . With some people Like my children I know where it’s coming from others I don’t , I I always like to have eye contact with people Because I have answered people when they have not said anything but thought it , it scares people including me I did not grow up and tribal situation and my only connection to my past died when I was 10
        It’s not something that I actually woke up to because it’s always been there it’s just something I started to understand by looking into my culture and more so myself I have done a lot of meditation as well the hardest part is being completely honest with yourself because we all lie to ourselves , it is completely different to what is commonly known as empathic There are some very good people in this world with the ability to put themselves into the shoes of another without experiencing the pain that they are actually going through but that is more sympathy than empathy. True empathy is a knowledge of what’s going on inside of someone it’s not always good to know and I don’t take your question disrespectfully most people have a hard time believing what they can’t see or what they don’t know .
        I Was also Raised by a narcissistic family they were embarrassed by that part of us and denied anybody in the actual knowledge after my grandfather died

        1. Contagion says:

          Thank you Veronicajones1969

          When I was young a heyoka or shaman as some would have seen them to be recognized me. I am Norwegian/British. They told me somewhere in my bloodline was another like me. They also told me never embrace the anger. I was a child embracing the anger at what had been done and becoming angrier day by day. In many ways I believe they saved the little girl I was from becoming a monster.i use to call those like HG monsters because of what I saw every time I looked at them. They scared me and no one believed me. I was 4 then.

          Today the world saddens me, it is becoming darker and darker and no one seems to see it, they stick their head in the dirt or look away at that which has no interest to them claiming to be empaths when in fact they are empathetic/empathic. For the recorded I am not judging people only stating what I observe here and in my real life.

          I am curious can you feel or “just” know things about others here on the blog or is it strictly in person for you?

          1. veronicajones1969 says:

            Yes definitely try and avoid the anger if it does take hold it can be a bad thing. As far as my gift is concerned it’s not something I’ve ever controlled if I have a connection with someone even a negative One I will be able to feel them no matter where they are quite often I feel strangers in close proximity to what I honestly have never tried to connect with people that I don’t know at distances The hardest part is learning how to not take on the emotion of that other person If you’re having trouble at all with that I have found meditation for healing and releasing very helpful I know how overwhelming it can be I wish you all the best

          2. Contagion says:

            I made a game when I was younger of connecting to people, now it is my curse.
            The closer I am to someone the deeper this connection is. It doesn’t matter really how far they are.

            I am familiar of what happens when the anger takes hold. It happened once and I do not want to ever experience that again.

            I meditate and swim. Water is my go to. I learned how to navigate and not take on another’s emotions, at times I do get caught off guard.

          3. Lou says:

            Hi Contagion,
            Sorry to jump in here but I read a comment of yours where you say HG does not affect you as much as us (his readers) in this blog. Do you mean that you pick up more of the emotions of some of us by our comments? Would you mind explaining a little more?
            Thanks.

      2. veronicajones1969 says:

        One more thing I don’t know so much that it is a power thing anymore than any other person the internet sensationalise a lot As an empath I have absolutely no desire for power over anyone or anything , And I would never use my knowledge to hurt someone only to protect and in some cases self defence I do have an understanding that the connection between all living things is very real And how we treat others is ultimately how we treat ourselves

    2. PhoenixRising says:

      Wow, that is fascinating. I would say there is probably some scientific evidence to back that up because we know that narcissistic traits are passed through generations, so why not empathetic traits? I have also read studies where trauma can be stored cellular/dna and passed down. This is even more of a reason to address and correct childhood trauma. I am currently writing a book on the subject of generational effects of trauma as it corelates with traits of narcissism and empathy. Great information. Thank you for sharing.

      1. veronicajones1969 says:

        Your welcome I also find the cellular memory from DNA fascinating bit of a science geek I love quantum physics it proves the connection from our motions to our life Experiences I’ve recently looked into Learning how to control my thoughts and attaching emotions to them and they have proven that emotions actually changed DNA I believe it’s the answer to people like you and me and that you can only truly heal from within

  7. Butterfly says:

    You must be kidding

  8. Leslie says:

    Reciprocal giving is symbiotic.

    Use of a person is parasitic.

    Narcs cannot participate in genuine loving relationship reciprocity. They ensnare then parasitise.

    1. veronicajones1969 says:

      True reciprocal giving is symbiotic but narcissism is not just the end scale everyone has the predisposition to be selfish and take from others without even realising we have done it, we are a motional creatures and our emotions dictate our decisions . I’m yet to find a person including myself that has it at some time been in a negative mood and others have been affected by it Would have to be a very advance and enlightened person To constantly maintain a situation where they were capable of selfless giving without condition narcissists are a hard type of people to deal with because they won’t even reason with themselves about how they affect other people and whether or not they have any moral integrity , But having content disdain hatred rage or any other negative emotion towards a narcissist is no different from what they have for us . hurt people , hurt people And you don’t have to be a narcissist for that
      HG is a self-professed narcissistic sociopath his writings are toxic but informative about the way narcissists think and react ,when a man like that says get out and stay out, that these people are not going to change it becomes a time to have to look at the actions we are taking To create our own reality’s Narcissists can change if they choose to , they need a reason to choose to. Realistically why should they change if they’re getting their own way all the time For as long as it is considered acceptable behaviour By others including” empathetic people” who have affairs with them knowing they are in committed relationships but want to believe that what they are doing is different because they love that person they’re not thinking about that persons children that persons wife that persons family or that person they are thinking about themselves because it’s not happening to them it will continue to happen . narcissists are not going to go away and neither are codependents Until each individual takes responsibility for their own actions their own emotions and their own lives

  9. Nika says:

    Gross

  10. PhoenixRising says:

    The narcissist is the only parasite. By definition, a parasite drains nutrients from its host. Narcissists have no nutrients to be drained because the “host” is false and void of nutrients. However, there is mutual feeding of both parties in the beginning of the relationship because of the essential need of each participant to sustain the false or incomplete self. But, what the codependent or empath fails to realize is that she is fooled into feeding off poison designed specifically for her taste, while the narcissist gets the real nutrients all to himself (clever parasites that they are, ruthless in their own survival). Her best chance is to awaken to this before she becomes completely poisoned (insanity by the narcissist’s repeated psychological/physical/sexual assaults and manipulation) drained of her own nutrients (financial ruin, exhaustion and depression), or in most extreme cases, death (suicide or murder).

    The only TRUE and healthy escape includes the empath’s acknowledgement that, she too, was a participant in the feeding frenzy. She must be willing to examine the reasons WHY she needed to “feed” in the first place. This can only happen after she accomplishes what is listed below. The first two are extensively outlined by your writings, HG. But I believe the last two can only be thoroughly described by the participating or past-participant empath because they are self-inflicted.

    1. REMOVE the narcissist’s influence. Go completely no contact – including no checking up on the narcissist!
    2. RETREAT from emotional thinking. I.e. ruminating, obsessively researching about why the narcissist is the way he is (when she already knows!) and/or why the relationship failed, or mourning the loss (it was an illusion, not a loss!) This is all (false) truth-seeking that keeps the focus on the narcissist and allows the empath to avoid accountability. The only truth can be found within herself.
    3. REFRAIN from self-inflicted victimhood. This comes in the form of retelling the story of woe over and over again to herself and others, which is just another form of “feeding” to replenish herself (just like the narcissist does!) but this time, with the residual poison by her own injection. This is also why it is so important to follow HG’s advice on waiting to seek revenge (if one insists). And ideally, refraining from revenge altogether. IMO, attempting revenge can also lead to self-inflicted victimhood and reintroducing emotional thinking by focusing on the pain of the relationship and insisting the narcissist pay, or atone (as if!)
    4. REFUSE to be taken over by fear and paranoia. This includes obsessively worrying about what the narcissist might do to her, or that she might be going crazy – even if she may appear that way (or even told by others – they don’t know unless they’ve lived it!) Instead, she should empower herself by controlling what she can by taking realistic and necessary precautions to secure her safety, privacy and no-contact. She must find a way to quiet her thoughts and listen to her instincts without fear.

    From my own experience (and near self-sabotoge of all my hard work), there is not enough considerarion of the last two, but they are just as important. She MUST take responsibility for her own actions as a participant and act accordingly to protect herself from further damage.

    Once she does all of those things, then she must start working to examine and heal her own internal trauma (most often with professional guidance). What is holding her back is most likely childhood trauma, not of the recent relationship. She must understand what led her need for the toxic relationship with the narcissist in the first place. Because let’s face it, no one got into this by being kidnapped, or dragged kicking and screaming. Although, that scenario might apply in extreme cases if she isn’t careful about her attempt to get out of it and as quickly as possible, but I digress.

    Finally, when her internal trauma is healed or well on the way to healing with (authentic) truth-seeking, she can then operate from her whole self with no need for sustenance from the parasite’s poison, or from any person at all. This is the ONLY true escape. The test for knowing if this has been accomplished is when she thinks about the narcissist and is revulsed instead of longing for or attracted.

    HG, you have provided all the tools and knowledge for escape from the narcissist’s perspective. But, I believe only a healthy empath who has recovered, or is on her way to recovering by seeing the light in it’s entirety, can come into that final stage of “knowing.” Anything without that internal reflection and healing is merely running, hiding, avoiding or minimizing – which inevitably leads to re-ensnarement or new ensnarement.

    So to bluntly recap: the empath who wants to truly escape must trash the parasite, wipe away her tears, own up to her own doing, put on her big-girl pants (armor) and get ready for battle against the real opponent – her incomplete self. Fortunately, she is capable of wholeness and freedom if she really wants it. From what I understand, the narcissist is not. As empaths, we should be grateful to be in that position and stop squandering our capability.

    This is a reflection of my own personal experience and in no way negates any of your vast knowledge and expertise, HG. Obviously.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for the compliment and also for a constructive and well-articulated comment.

      1. PhoenixRising says:

        You’re welcome, HG. After a year of therapy, I still could not be convinced I was in a relationship with a narccisist. I rejected the possibility that I could be that manipulated. Only your work was able to convince me and I was effectively “scared straight.” Only then was I prompted to take real action to save myself so that I could focus on the necessary work, which included finding the right treatment. So I sincerely thank you for that.

    2. MB says:

      PhoenixRising, great post! I needed that today. I’m saving this one.

    3. Saskia says:

      A thought-provoking and insightful comment, Phoenix. This is great advice.

      “The only TRUE and healthy escape includes the empath’s acknowledgement that, she too, was a participant in the feeding frenzy. She must be willing to examine the reasons WHY she needed to “feed” in the first place.”

      AGREED.

      Your line of arguments reminds me of a valuable feedback I got quite a while ago – as much as he was using me and all other the women he was involved with, all of us were 1. allowing us to be prey and 2. equally using him to satisfy our needs and cravings for validation and attention. I acknowledge that this feedback does not apply to everyone’s story here, it is part of my experience but it helped me, back then, to realise what kept me in the situation and take responsiblity for my part.

    4. Mona says:

      PhoenixRising,
      I agree. But if you have done all that, it is no “escape” anymore. It is at its best indifference combined with a wide open eye for your own protection (if necessary). Maybe, sometimes it is even shame after a while. “How could I fall in love with that kind of man?” Then you are free. There is no attraction anymore.

      1. PhoenixRising says:

        Yes you are right, Mona. The escape comes before the “knowing.” I did deal with the shame of the relationship for a while before I went through intensive Post Induction Therapy to deal with my own carried shame from childhood. Now when I look at the relationship, I no longer feel shame because I am able to understand that was not truly me. I was not operating with my whole self (functioning adult), but as a result of my childhood wounds and trauma. I can look at it from the outside looking in without being enmeshed any longer. It is still early and I am still working on it. I still have residual anger and disgust towards him, but even that is lessening more and more every day. It’s more the relationship itself that I find repulsive and the fact that both of us had to suffer greatly as children in order to be in the dynamic at all. The sadest part is, I know that if the narcissist was capable of opening to receive the therapy, they could be cured. But as far as I know, it isn’t possible. Therefore, I know the best thing to do is walk away because now I know that I am inherently worthy and there is no longer anything to prove.

    5. Sarah says:

      Thankyou PR – I learned a lot from reading your post.

      It is truly a privilege to bring yourself to a place where you can build loving memories and leave an unhelpful past behind. You have found your true self and your reflections are beyond. Well done.

      I was particularly struck by the reminder that it is trauma which leads both ourselves and the narcissist to feel the need for a toxic relationship. This is powerful language and creates equally powerful imagery in my mind. Failing to participate, engage or place ourselves in the narcissistic dynamic for any purpose is the kindest and healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and the narcissist.

      Interestingly enough in my strongest place I feel pity rather than repulsion or anger. Pity for me is different from empathy or disgust; it is an objective place where I feel connected to both strength and understanding.

      Thanks so much for sharing; a very special and significant post.

      1. PhoenixRising says:

        Thank you Sarah. My enlightenment is still fresh and I am moving from the anger/repulsion to understanding/pity more and more everyday. I think that is also a true sign of recovery.

  11. Kellie Mccoey says:

    I did it. I hovered myself! I’m so sad and pathetic!

    1. PhoenixRising says:

      You’re not pathetic, Kellie. Keep trying. It took me several times. But just realize that it gets harder every time so you must do the internal work.

  12. Laurie says:

    Brilliant observations Mr. Tudor.
    The Narcissist/Empath relationship, always doomed to failure.
    The Empath believes that if she pours enough love in to that deep, black void she will miraculously heal the Narcissist and bring him ‘back to life’.
    The problem with this train of thought is that you can not resurrect what is dead……..the Narcissist died a long time ago….not physically of course, but emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.
    What is left in place of a human being is a thing……a monster that suffocated and killed the true self of the Narcissist.

    Then there is the Narcissist, who is forever searching for ‘The One’.
    The one woman who will not disappoint him, the one woman who will never let him down or embarrass him, the one woman who will be as beautiful as she is academically brilliant, the one woman who is a Cordon Bleu chef in the kitchen and a Tigress in the bedroom. That perfect Angel…..but of course such a woman does not exist outside of the realms of the Narcissist’s fantasy world. She is an illusion. Over and over again he is disappointed, and the search for ever more fuel goes on and on.

    Deep down, the Narcissist knows that he is a monster……he knows that his behaviour is abnormal and although he will never admit to it, he secretly envies those who are capable of feeling genuine love. He is absolutely aware that the nearest that he will ever get to feeling ‘Love’ is that temporary infatuation that he feels every time he thinks that he has found ‘The One’. But of course it never lasts.

    What the Narcissist envies he must destroy. Just who do these damned Empaths think they are? Coming in to his life and thinking that their ‘Love’ can change him. He will show them who REALLY runs the show. These stupid bitches……these needy, pathetic, stupid bitches.
    Well they MUST be stupid mustn’t they? Because what woman in her right mind could POSSIBLY love something as disgusting and shameful as me? What is WRONG with these damned foolish women?
    Can’t they see how despicable and evil I really am?
    Can’t they see that behind my fake smile and my exquisite designer clothes and my brilliant sense of humour and my sexual prowess and my high powered, well paid job that I am NOTHING?
    Can’t they see that I am a pitiful, loathsome creature?
    They deserve everything that is coming to them……..I am already dead so I will kill her too……..oh not physically of course……that’s too easy.
    No, I will destroy her spirit, I will crush her emotionally, I will ensure that I inflict so much psychological damage upon her that it might take her years to recover…..or even better…..perhaps she will never recover.
    I will show the stupid, pathetic bitch that she isn’t the Empathic creature that she believes she is…..because I will force her to HATE me.

    Yes, that’s right……I will inflict so much pain on her psyche that she will feel the one emotion that she never thought herself capable of feeling;
    HATRED. Pure, undiluted hatred. When she remembers how much I have hurt her, when she remembers all of the lies, the broken promises, the cruelty, the gaslighting, the manipulation, the other women that I kept hidden from her but that I have now made sure she knows about……oh how she will hate me.
    I will have scored a double whammy: I will be getting that fuel that I Need to sustain the ‘Thing’ that lives in that deep, dark void inside me. and I will have shown that pathetic bitch that she is just as loathsome as the rest of the human race……she is just as capable of hate as everyone else.

    But wait a minute……..this one doesn’t hate me……this one isn’t running around telling everyone what an evil son-of-a-bitch I am………this one isn’t looking for revenge…….after all of the pain I have inflicted upon her…….she looks at me with sadness and pity in her eyes…….oh no….no no no no…….she has seen right through me……..she has looked right in to my very depths and she has SEEN EVERYTHING…all of the shameful things that happened to me when I was a child…….all of those secrets that I thought I had kept so carefully hidden…….she has seen RIGHT THROUGH ME……..the self hatred…….the fragile ego…….the never ending pain………she KNOWS how pitiful and pathetic I really am…………how the hell did THAT happen? How did this bitch figure me out?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

    2. foolme1time says:

      That was awesome! I have no words except for the ending. After all of that and knowing, she doesn’t hate, instead she still loves!

  13. Sarah says:

    You

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