Poll : Ridiculous Statements By The Narcissist


You will have experienced a narcissist saying or writing something which, well, frankly is completely ridiculous. Of course, it is ridiculous from your perspective but from the perspective of the Lesser he believes what he states but lacks the awareness to realise how the comment sounds to others, from the perspective of the Mid Range Narcissist his comment is entirely justified and he can find a thousand reasons to support what has been said and from the perspective of the Greater there is evidence to support the comment and therefore is actually is not ridiculous or he knows it is but does not care because it entertains him or her to say such a thing and see the response it causes.

Do you know why the narcissist made such a comment? Was it done to exaggerate their own achievements or was it done as part of some lie to evade responsibility? Was the comment an inflammatory one aiming to provoke you and upset you, anger you or hurt you? Alternatively was it done as part of gas lighting or triangulation?

You may choose as many as are applicable from the list below, but best of all, do provide examples of those statements in the comments – let’s see just how far the brethren went with the ridiculous comments.

Thank you for participating.

How did the narcissist use ridiculous statements?

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381 thoughts on “Poll : Ridiculous Statements By The Narcissist”

  1. The UMR Elite. We went to dinner and I told him I was playing a group sport outdoors the night before. He asked where we play and said he was actually flying his airplane overhead that night. I laughed a lot so he started saying he could’ve joined in or swooped down with his airplane.

  2. HG. During a conversation I asked to see a picture of his work space. When I received it I commented that it was much cleaner than mine. He replied it was an empty cube. I said I wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to show his cube but ok
    He replied “ not sharing. All mine.”
    I replied “ well now I know where I rank”
    I was given a corrective devaluation in the form of “ I was talking about the desk. But if you are trying to be funny have a nice day”
    What set him off by my “rank”reply to give me a corrective devaluation ?

    As always thank you

  3. Talking to my mmrn the other day I told him my kids had purchased my tickets to a baseball game. I mentioned the date and said it was on my actual birthday.
    His reply was “ Well I will note it on my calendar but that is a military weekend”.
    I did not ask him to attend with me. Just passed on the info. Also was my way of letting him know when my birthday was as he did not know !
    Lol. Talk about feeling entitled to be invited.

  4. My MR ex used to devalue me by randomly complaining about the way I speak. Once he snapped at me and screamed, “What is the real reason you don’t talk clearly?” If his face wasn’t as red as it was I would have thought he was joking. I should have said because of the stroke I had years ago that I have been hiding from you. hahaha. I bet he wouldn’t even get the sarcasm.

    1. That is a good comeback, Anna. Why do we always think of the comebacks after the moment has passed?!

  5. My aunt: you need to clean my kitchen. It’s nasty and I’m exhausted.
    Me: well i just popped in to check on mom. I don’t have alot of time. I need to get back to the office. What’s wrong . are you sick?
    Her: my mother is here. When spirits visit i don’t just sense them i channel them. I can’t help it. Its exhausting. I’ve been channeling mom for the last 3 days .
    (She had actually gotten her refills and was high for 3 days)
    Me: I’ll come back after work to do your dishes
    Her: thank you. And show up! last time you said that you didn’t come back and the dishes sat there for 2 days before you bothered to come do them and we got bugs. I don’t keep a nasty house.
    (That was an on going battle. She was entitled to me doing her house work and doing whatever she commanded. I didn’t live there… If i ate a meal there i cleaned the kitchen. But aside from that i didn’t get it. She says I’m selfish and self absorbed. Am i? Maybe I’m wrong? Her favorite thing to do if in refuse to obey is go on facebook and blast me. I don’t even look at facebook anymore. I have been smeared to much.

  6. SP,

    Kim e,
    my new goal in life is to avoid men who make me respond like that (high narc potential there), I completely get it though.
    Many, many times.

    Normal guy gives me accurate information regarding the conversation, doesn’t ignore me, impress me, mirror me…
    I feel satisfied with a new piece of knowledge and remain unmanipulated. I walk on in a pleasant mood with no bad feelings.

    But no… idiot walks up to me with a story that changes perspective three times, puts a cigarette out on his arm and does a backflip.
    I’m in.

  7. I am a staunch evolutionist. He decided one day to tell me he had been researching a club called something like ‘the flat world society’ which members believe the world is flat.
    I laughed and changed the subject. He just wouldn’t let it go. He was spouting reasons why these people may be right.
    Of course I began to defend and justify and argue that this theory was so ridiculous, I was nearing hysteria.
    He got a good amount of fuel on that one.

    1. Cindy, unfortunately there are many idiots that all of a sudden believe that and they don’t need to be narcs. But if my narc told me he believed in it, that would have been the only reason needed by me for going NC.

      1. Met a sweet guy who was a full-on believer, unfortunately he used it to escape the realities of life (like, find a job and keep it by turning up on time, move out of your parents’ …).
        But I find it totally valid to believe that we live on a disc on top of a turtle (or an infinite number of turtles because for some reason that’s what would be necessary to sustain the idea) and move through space at incredible speed (which we also actually do). Or that the world is a cylinder. Or a cube.
        Because in the end, we as individuals cannot really know that we live on a sphere indeed, it would be most energy efficient, though (like, the Borg should travel on spheres, like they sometimes do, not cubes).

        Anyways, the narc enjoyed the provocation only, I am sure he doesn’t care if it was done on a disc, a globe or a pea shaped object or donut. We must learn not to fall for it, I did a 100 times with the ex narc — no matter how absurd the statement.

        1. Ava101,
          Some times the absurdity of the action or statement is what makes it interesting to me. I just go with the flow and interject my own (unreal) absurd statements. Causes lots of strange “HUH?” looks.

      2. @Sweetest, The man had no dignity or shame…anything to get fuel. Deep down I know he doesn’t believe that, but he knew how aggressively I would state my case.
        I’m the fool for falling into his trap.
        And yes, there is a group here in the US that proclaim the earth is flat. Takes all kinds. I wonder how many narcs are in that club?

      3. lol SP. Me too. Unfortunately, Excel is a very intelligent (left brained) scientist. He would do things like calculate in his head within seconds how long it would take him to get to me at any particular time, or how long it would take me to get to him via various means of transportation. He travelled a lot and we had this running joke that I would know what timezone he was in just by what time the email was sent and arrived. During my anxious attachment phase, somehow all of that was very comforting! When I think back on it now, sheer insanity! But you see why Excel is fitting.

  8. HG,
    I was thinking about why those ridiculous statements aren’t enough to send us running after the first time hearing any of them — and also, why friends whom we told about it, didn’t pick up on it.

    In my case, I am of course conditioned that way – not to trust my own feelings and judgement and to accept gaslighting, etc. Blaming myself or my “faulty” understanding.

    Also: eternally making excuses for them, dimiss it, concentrate on the “good” things.

    But what about “friends”? Could you tell me what you think on each category, why they don’t pick up on it more strongly?
    a) empaths: always making excuses? Or why don’t they understand what’s happening?
    b) normals: ?? Not accepting that it might be just true? Just finding it ridiculous?
    c) other narcs: why?? don’t they immediately pick up on what’s happening? Because they simply don’t care — or is it more that they think it’s normal / share the same twisted narc logic and truly don’t get what might be wrong with it?

    What do you think, HG, why other people aren’t better equipped at warning us? I was thinking about this because, when I read those statements from a distance, and know what they are about, I wonder, why one wouldn’t leave and go no contact right away. But in the situation of course, it’s a completely different matter, and one is confused, emotionally involved, and so on.

    I had told a few things I had stated here one of my oldest friends who has clearly narc traits, and all he had to say was — either to make light of the situation and saying I was reacting too strongly (…), or, that I should just concentrate on my own life and that we would part soon anyways, that I shouldn’t waste any more energy, etc.
    But he did NOT pick up on clear manipulations and abuse. … or didn’t understand the impact on me. He did understand that I wasn’t well, but said, I should just reduce my involvement and focus on my plans. Which meant in that situation staying two weeks longer with the current ex-narc-fling, which would have been bad for me ….
    Same with matri narc – she used to say the most dumb things imaginable, but never gave me any insight into real narc intentions and ways of thinking.
    You had also stated, HG, that you kept your sister in a state of unawareness on purpose, but it doesn’t seem to me that non-aware narcs would do so planfully?? Or is it a possibility?

    This thought process goes into the same direction as when I wonder why I’m not better in the first place understanding narc behaviour, when I grew up with them – but I was constantly conditioned and gaslighted and in a constant state of fear. But why would narc “friends” who don’t know what they are and are not in a close relationship with me want that?

    1. Read Smeared – it explains why third parties fail to act on what is happening and thus by analogy applies to the situations you have set out.

      1. Also to understand why we stick around too long read -“no good advices” and HG essays outlining the salami slicing concept. And read up on cognitive dissonance. We “normals” Attribute all of our innate goodness and behaviors on to them… I think it’s generally how are you operate in society an unstated Expectation that everyone is operating with the same rules and operating from the same mind set… But narcissists are not. Therefore when they see something absolutely bizarre or do something nasty our mind tries to rationalize ‘why’ and to put it to rest. So we go into our own tool kit. But our tool kit and a narcissist tool kit have much different tools.
        There you go HG maybe you could come up with an empath/normal person’s tool kit versus the narcissists.😀 good day

  9. Sooo… HG?
    What were the most absurd things you have ever said to a woman and got away with it?

  10. I just remembered a few. I very recently broke no contact. Told N I have been hanging out with her ex prior to me.( Her 18 year entanglement) We sought each other out along time ago actually-And she was aware of it. Complicated but isn’t it always with Ns? So when she was walking off on me because her fury got ignited she yells- “you need to grow up! You need to tell (her other ex) that (her name,N) meant something to you!”-
    Protection? Because I was the one who wants the dirty little secret she never told anyone about For four years.

    Also she had this very crappy tiny camp trailer-That has been stored away for 15 or 20 years that she kept When splitting from her ex long-term entanglement. Everyone was like why not take that to the dump. But no… She messed around regarding the title on it for a few years. Last she told me was that some Russians had forged the title and the signature of her ex.! This was all around the timeframe of Donald Trump‘s election. And I just stood there and kind of with my mouth hanging open like OK… That piece of crap is really something people would want to try to take ownership of. ????
    This is where I saw beyond the N behavior-Just plain craziness!

  11. I can’t get arrested. I am protected. I try to get arrested but they won’t take me.
    (Yes he n believes it)
    I had this very good looking guy some years ago take an interest in me. He was gorgeous. He had beautiful clear blue eyes .However, something was off. The way he held my gaze. He was very sure. No insecurities i saw.
    He told me one day, ” i can’t die”
    Me: “what do you mean?”
    Him: “i mean i can’t die. I’m going to live forever.”
    Me: i laugh thinking he is kidding. He didn’t.
    Him:”I’ve laid open a man’s chest with a shot gun. He got off a shot but it didn’t graze me. I can’t be killed”
    The guy he shot part got my attention. I realised i was in over my head. He’s in prison now. Turns out he stabbed a girll. Not in anger. Just because ..he was bored.
    I think i dodged a bullet so to speak

  12. My husband used the
    “My family is of the bloodline of David”
    My response was
    “Oh so you have Jesus blood in you” with an 🙄

    Apparently he figured out my family tree and needed to one up it. Not sure what he saw that he needed to one up.

    My child, not sure if he still actually believes this, would say we all celebrate Christmas because of him. He was 2 months early and born on Christmas. This is the child that is definitely following his fathers footsteps.

    And that family called me a freak…..

    My husband would move things and then pretend to “sense” them and find them when I made mention of them missing. This was after he noticed some of my “different “ traits. I wasn’t allowed to just know things he didn’t. This became worse as his family members began to do similar things.
    I told his Aunt to fuck off and she almost killed me. Didn’t stop me just made me more aware of escape routes before making comments.
    She told me to clean her kitchen after her and I turned around and said I wasn’t born to be your servant. It was one of the few times I could leave and did so.

    His uncle tried to steal a compound bow once, he saw it was broken while we were in the store and took it to the front stating he bought it and walked to the back to see if they had another to exchange it for, saw they didn’t and wanted his money back for it. After witnessing this I never went to the store with them again. He almost was charged that time due to they went back and looked at the cameras and saw he didn’t enter the store with a bow.

    I could write a book in the stuff I witnessed them doing and getting away with it.
    My husband told me once he could get away with anything. I would anger him due to I did things right and not by how he specifically want me to, yet take credit for what I did if it brought praise.
    He took credit for “sending” me to college and paying for it, when he fought me the entire time and made it close to impossible. Blame me that I would met people and no longer need him, he was right on that one. I was planning my escape from them. I made a mistake and it cost me.

  13. My mum:

    “I was stuck sitting next to a woman who kept talking about her daughter’s cancer… it was really boring!”

    Cat fished a guy pretending to be a dumb blonde, spelling “human beans” instead of human beings.

    A man tried to help her so she yelled at him “I have a PhD in physics!”

    1. We should put all our matric narcs together in one room and lock the door. Then they can listen to each other all day and night long.

  14. For your entertainment: “If I tell you what’s wrong with you related to my lack of sexual attraction to you, you’ll want to change and that will be ‘unatural’ – it will be fake because that would not be your ‘nature.’ “(and he never really told me indeed what was wrong and ended up discarding me for this reason). At the same time he said that there was nothing much different between having sex with me and any of his exes (who he craved and always triangulated me with). How the heck can this be? Note: I think I didn’t give him the quality of the fuel he wanted, because I was always afraid of being rejected by him by expressing my feelings.

    1. sarita133,

      “If I tell you what’s wrong with you related to my lack of sexual attraction to you, you’ll want to change and that will be ‘unatural’ – it will be fake because that would not be your ‘nature.’”

      Well, that’s a load of gobbledygook…

  15. Oh tons! But this was a personal favorite..

    He posted some little rant on his Facebook, letting all the world know “he was SO sorry he couldn’t get their messages and texts because SOMEBODY had changed all his passwords and he couldn’t log in anywhere.

    Oh where to begin?

    First off, yes, I changed all MY passwords while the narc was in jail. Obs. But what I’m truly wondering is: …..how you can miss your own messages in your own Facebook and your personal texts while using the phone in your own little hand?

    But whatever dimwit. You do you

    1. He is just projecting.. In my opinion, this is what happened: he had your password and logged in to you FB (because they feel entitled – with you knowing about his access to your account or not). once you blocked him from doing that by changing your password, he couldn’t access your account anymore, which he considers HIS account (lack of boundary recognition and sense of entitlement). Then he projects it to you. In his head he is not making it up. He truly believes you blocked HIS account. It’s crazy, but you have to understand they operate in a different logic (watch HG Tudor’s YouTube video Toxic Logic) and so for us “normal people” we have no choice but to consider them crazy!

  16. I love you I cannot imagine life without you,
    I never wanted to get married before because it meant I have to be faithful what do you say
    I’m not moving back into your room without my computer
    I was embarrassed
    I will kill you myself
    Sorry about what happened last night I thought I was losing you that one lost me that day
    Have you left your husband yet
    I thought I was talking to someone else
    If you don’t forgive me I will never speak to you again yeh promises promises she still trying to get me to speak to her
    I could keep going but I don’t want to remember them all

      1. I’ve always thought that he was testing me at this point to see how far he could have me believe something he said. It was cause the way he stared at me after he said it. It was like he was studying me like a bug under a glass. Thats the first time I remember that look.

  17. Me: “OMG. There is beer is your fridge. You don’t drink beer.”

    NARC: “Yes. I do.”

    ME: “NO. you don’t. You know who does? Your ex girlfriend. She drinks that same white trash beer. you have either drinkin’ wine or vodka every weekend for the past 9 months. Now you are a beer drinker?”

    NARC: “Since high school” *chugs a can of Miller light beer, and looks like he is about to throw up*

    NARC: ”

  18. Me: “no no. The girls my age think you are gross and a pervert. They told me to stay away from you when I said we were going on a date!”

    NARC: “celebritism is celebritism”

  19. *me talking about my work over drinks with friends, and narcissist ex interrupts*
    NARC: “Being in the presence of Bono (from U2), is like being in the presence of Jesus Christ. You know, I played live with him?”
    Me: “OMG. When was this?”
    NARC: “1984 or so”
    Me: “yeah, I was born that year”
    Mutual Friend: “wow he is desperate to outshine you”

  20. (After having sex with me for the first two times – a week after we met):
    MRN: You’re not my body type, and you’re 3 years older than me (at the time I was 38 and him 35!!!).
    Me: How can you be so superficial??!!
    MNR: I actually don’t like the South American body..
    Me: …. (puzzled, since I’m a sensual woman with a great body – feedback from men I dance bachata with)
    A year later… After several breakups and getting back together, he finally had answers:
    Me: What difference would a woman say 8 years younger than me do?
    MRN: She would have sex with me for many more years than you..
    Me: … (WTF??? – this doesn’t make sense at all!!)
    Me: What’s the issue with the physical attraction?
    MRN: I was always magnetized by my exes’ skin (me:?????), their ass (me: ok) and their pu$$y.. (me: ???). The noises you make in bed are strange. It’s also the way you walk, and the way you laugh. (me: ?????)
    – It was all for sure some CRAZY sh$t!!!
    – Maybe a younger woman is easier to manipulate?? That’s the only explanation I was able to find. Any thoughts??
    – Maybe I didn’t give him enough fuel in bed? I was always terrified of rejection, so I never begged or seemed desperate, and never took initiative (even though I really wanted him). Or do narcs really need to feel magnetized by their victims body parts???

    1. Sarita133, What the heck is a S American body??

      In any case, they are all about the body parts. I am probably 5 years older than my N. He never said anything about it but he sure said things about body parts. They were always good things (he never insulted me) but definitely objectified me like that. Maybe body parts are the source of fuel?

      And yes, younger women can be manipulated but I think they also make men feel youthful. It’s fear of aging and death.

      1. I think it’s just depending on the Narc. I was the only woman younger than my Narc. All the others were about 10-15 years older. I always thought he did that cause some women are more desperate for love the older they get.

        1. Interesting, Viktoria. So he wasn’t afraid to be regarded/feel “old by association”.. maybe he is of the victim cadre and likes being taken care of? Or maybe he was lying when he told you that, so you could feel like you were the only one, and very special. Looking back at my “relashionship”, I don’t know anything that was really true, b cause I caught him lying kind of often and it wasn’t even trying to find out if he was saying the truth or not..

          1. Saritaa 133: Yes he is always the victim. But I don’t agree that makes him mid level. He just works it into his plans. He becomes a cold hate when they don’t go his way or you call him out. I fought him like a super empath for awhile. He convinced me that he knew what he was and had changed. Just a really great Hoover. He always underestimated my sleuthing skills when my gut told me to dig. I talked with about 2 of his exes. One which was the while I played mistress. I was the only one who figured out what he was. But he actually told me with his facebook. He followed a survivor page for victims of NPD .He kept recordings of his exes crying about why he always lied. It was HGs statues of the women in pain…

        2. Victoria02900, That’s a strange statement. I was a bit older than my narc but not desperate for love. In fact, I didn’t even want a serious relationship as I had just left my exH and wanted breathing space. I only wanted a fling. What does it even mean to be desperate for love? That you will take anyone you can get? One loves a person, not an abstract idea.

          1. I get that’s what sarita meant I think, narcissists feel by association.

            Be kind to your future self. Many women are beautiful, inside/outside at many ages and most want love.
            (Not directed at anyone)

          2. SMH: i guess my statement was too broad. I truly am sorry that it seemed that way. In the case of my Narc, the mother of his child was 35ish when she had her only child with him. She is very strong now so I wouldn’t describe her that way again. The last ex wife was unable to have children. Other exes, I have heard of had special needs children. So it’s not just age. That is just one component of what he looks for.

          3. Viktoria02900, That’s okay. I like Ava101’s response! I do think older women are often more secure and comfortable in their bodies and with their sexuality. I know I am more secure than when I was younger. I also have a lot of life experience, am well educated, and my narc liked to talk with me. We were well matched intellectually as well as physically, and were both expats from similar places with similar backgrounds. But as Ava101 says, they don’t care :-). We can try rationalizing it all we want but watever they need to say for positive or negative fuel, they will say!

        3. viktoria02900
          You mean like some of the older women might think he picks the younger ones because they are more naive? Both steroetypes. He picks them for their fuel output.

          1. I am the only ex that was younger or even close to his age.i am just a couple years younger than him. His parents were very happy about it. Of course till he told them stories about how horrible I was…

          2. NarcAngel:
            how do you mean that with the fuel output — as in, women hopefully learn with the years to react less strongly to all that BS, or wouldn’t take up with it?

          3. Hi Ava
            I meant that the younger or older theories are largely irrelevant. Fuel is the rule. Once welcomed into the fuel matrix, your position is based on the quantity, frequency, and potency they require and providing the residual benefits they desire. Jockeying for position against each other to be the best prey to a predator seems a bit desperate and does not smack of intelligence no matter the age. But hey, everyone needs a hobby.

          4. Ah, I see, NarcAngel.
            I agree, too. 🙂
            Haha @ everyone needs a hobby. 😉

          5. What do you mean by better fuel? Remember fuel is made up of potency (age has no bearing on that), frequency and amount (age could impact on the last two but not necessarily).

          6. I should have said initially: He picks EITHER for their fuel output. I did not mean to indicate he picks younger for the fuel output. Sorry for the confusion.

        4. Nope, they are just better in bed and more interesting.

          I hear a lot how needy and immature and insecure (also in bed) and boring (no life experience, no accomplishments, no own style, follow every hollow trend, etc.) younger women are.

          One factor might be though: successful women who bring more to the table (as in: better suited for parasitic leeches) and are independent and can take care of themselves.

          Never heard a man dating older women say he liked being taken care of. ;D

          My oldest friend simply finds them more interesting in every regard and likes them to be their own person.

          Same age: is a myth in my eyes, had a boyfriend who was the exact same age, … but our life experience, education, goals, values, etc. differed a lot. What we had in common was growing up in the same decade, watching the same TV shows growing up, …
          Anyways, it’s irrelevant to a narc, if someone is his age or not.

          I find that quite a number of men my own age seem like at least 10 years older (looks, behaviour, attitute, …) … while 15 years younger ones make me not even think about any difference in age, and seem to be on the same level in regard to taste in music, interests, life style choices, etc.

          Heidi Klum got engaged to that 17 years younger singer — , you had the same thoughts in regard to her?

          I’m as desperate for “love” now, as I was at 20 … (not at all, I enjoy my own company, though a follow empath as a partner would be nice eventually).

          Ah, but I remember a 20-year-old narc say that he does look out for women _at a vulnerable stage_ in their life, like after a break-up, divorce, etc. And he liked to live off women 100 % plus getting expensive presents, so he needed women who could afford that (though it is beyond me why any woman would).

          The ex-narc is 4 yrs younger, latest ex-narc-fling 14 yrs. younger; fling before that same age as me, have ex-boyfriend with strong narc traits (possibly MRN) who’s 8 yrs older — made no difference in regard to abuse & the wish for control on their part.


          Here comes the serious answer:

          They don’t care!!! And will tell YOU whatever fits YOUR situation. They will always have both!

          Exception: the image they want to project, the facade — woman at his side looking good in public, in pictures, as accessory.

      2. Thank you so much for sharing, SMH! Especially what you said about age helped me a lot, and makes total sense. The month before he discarded me he started to say how everyone started to look old in his eyes (his family when we went to visit in his home country) and also himself. He didn’t say anything about me (thank God, but I felt the implied devaluation towards me, as he never said he was never sure about me). My age has always been a problem, but I always thought it was related with the possibility of having kids. You are for sure right!

        1. Glad that helped, Sarita133. It is why a lot of older men have 2nd wives who are much younger and then even have another set of kids. They are desperately trying to hang onto their youth. Scientists now suspect that the rise in autism has to do with older men’s sperm. If another man ever says anything to you about your age, just call him ‘old sperm face’!

        1. You would think so, Ava101. And it can sure look a bit ridiculous from the outside to see an older man with a woman who could be his daughter. But they live vicariously through youth.

          Mine looks older than me even though he is a few years younger (I inherited genes that mean no grey hair and no wrinkles, just like my 92 year old father).

          1. I’ve seen all manner of narc preferences (what an individual most frequently chooses). Older, younger, same age only or a mix. Same as with non narcs.

          2. Cool, SMH, lucky genes. 🙂
            My last narc fling also looked much older than he is. He had looked up on the internet “facial exercises for sagging faces” (I hope I got the correct words) … ;D

            Most people think I am younger than I am – luckily, because I mostly like younger guys, it’s just how it is. I don’t look at the age, I look at what I like and if someone interests me and most of the time it’s someone younger (and often somewhat narc … …). I don’t feel mature enough for my age, haha, and often can’t understand some people my age how set in their ways they are and not open to new things, narrowed interests & horizon, say they are too old to go dancing …

            Thank you for liking my answer above. 😉

            My grandmother (my mother, too, actually, who is also fitter than I am) also had great skin up to a really high age, and all she ever used was Nivea creme, and not even the facial one. She had my mother at 41.

          3. Ava101,

            We are lucky to have good genes! I am really immature for my age too! My son is more mature than I am. My narc mother has told every one of my partners that I am crazy. My father has referred to me as ‘the black sheep.’ People think I am insane. I am very successful professionally but people do not even know what I do because I can hang with anyone, as long as I find them fun.

            This is why I could not figure out narc – we had lots of laughs and then boom, stranger zone, shelving!

            I had to laugh at facial expressions for sagging faces. I am not there yet! lol. Narc looked older because his hair was grey and he was pretty ‘straight,’ but he was fit and not terribly body conscious or a natty dresser. More cerebral than somatic.

            Anyway, thanks for the laughs! I find coming here now is very good for the giggles. I am so glad I crossed that emotional sea. This is a great thread for helping other people.

          4. And yeah. Of course obvious facade and insecurity thing on some with the big age gap younger woman on repeat. Was just thinking about some midrangers/lessers who think they do everything by the book, religion possible even, marriage, wife they went to high school with….

          5. Hi SMH,

            >”but people do not even know what I do because I can hang with anyone, as long as I find them fun.

            This is why I could not figure out narc – we had lots of laughs and then boom, stranger zone, shelving!”


            >I had to laugh at facial expressions

            This narc was just body conscious enough, I liked it a lot (unfortunately!) 🙂 🙂 , and great hair …. I don’t think he needed any facial exercises ;D but he said his exgirlfriend had told him, he looked older … and she was 10 years older than him, too … ;D

            >Anyway, thanks for the laughs! I find coming here now is very good for the giggles.

            🙂 Yes, that is so much better, when on can laugh about it …

        2. Ha!! Great point! I totally agree! Not in his eyes, though. He always thought he was young and his age didn’t mater, only the woman’s, because he could have kinds whenever he wanted to.

    2. Tappi again sarita
      After reading this comment it’s very obvious he picked up on your insecurities and fear of rejection and then ran with them. For the negative fuel you were providing him with.

      Narcs don’t need to feel magnetised to another. Don’t believe his lies. If they have taken hold, work on getting rid of them.

      1. Hello Tappi! You are for sure right, also because I told him I couldn’t be myself with him because of the fear of rejection, so I was always holding back (from expressing myself and also I never really allowed myself to be free to feel love for him – even though I for sure became addicted to him, and stayed despite all the emotional abuse and triangulation). And he always got frustrated that I was holding back. I couldn’t understand how someone who always made sure to express they weren’t sure expected the partner to freely love them.. It’s a huge hypocrisy, which he always said he hated hypocrites). Haha And looking back now that I understand what happened, it’s plain emotional abuse. I should have ran before he discarded me.

        1. Damn that hindsight sarita. Don’t beat yourself up for not getting out sooner. Read exorcism. It’s brilliant and will help you to understand why you never really had a chance and provides the most practical advice for moving on.
          The hypocrisy a narc displays is phenomenal. I called mine a hypocrite many times.

          1. Will buy it, Tappi! Thank KS for the guidance and for the insights you gave me. Very much appreciated! <3

    3. Hi sarita133, he said those things because he could tell the statements were upsetting you, or confusing you, or he was getting attention from it. He was putting you down on purpose. That’s why it makes no sense.

    4. Hi sarita133,

      I agree with the comments before me. I just want to add that if you happened to be Asian he would have said that he doesn’t like Asian bodies, and if you were Swedish he would have said that he doesn’t like Swedish bodies. The point is, he was saying that to get a reaction from you. Don’t fall for it. It really doesn’t mean anything.

      1. Mommypino, thank you for saying that. It makes sense (now). At the time, it was really painful to live with that “truth”. His last “partner” (a FWB, not a girlfriend) was from Peru, and she is probably 30 lbs heavier than me (actually, it looks like she is constantly pregnant, no joke), and he triangulated her with me many many times, saying he would go to bed with her easily (yes, he said that to my face). I always thought she had a better butt than mine, and she was much better in bed than I am. Because he wanted her and didn’t want me. Very traumatic for me. The same way he said he doesn’t like South American bodies, he said he wanted someone younger (I was 3 years older than him – ONLY!). Both are things I cannot change! When trying to understand how I could be better in deb, there was NEVER an answer. Just that he didn’t feel ” it” for me. No sexual attraction. And I’m honestly very attractive, I get super positive feedback from the leads (mostly men) I dance bachata with. I cant believe I didn’t see what you told me before, and all the other abuse I suffered. I am working on being compassionate and forgiving with myself. It’s just that the price I paid was high, for someone that didn’t deserve 1 sec of my time. Yet here I am, still trying to heal, and spending my time trying to understand a crazy pathological mind.

        1. sarita, he can’t perform, so it’s your fault.
          Some narcs use very good sex to control, some withhold it to control, some are rapey.

          I’m sorry you went through that.

        2. Hi Sarita133,

          You can be the most beautiful woman in the universe and it still wouldn’t matter to him because it’s all about him. And no matter how perfect you are he would still say that something is wrong with you. One, he would get an emotional reaction from you. Two, it will make you insecure and feel that you’re not good enough for him, maybe you’re not good enough for other guys too so it will make you clingy to him despite all of his bad behaviors. Three, it will make you try harder to please him because you will subconsciously feel grateful that he is still staying with you even though you are not really his type and so you will try to make up for that lack or shortcoming that you have by trying harder to please him. It is a manipulative tactic that works for them to get what they want. Also your insecurity that he planted makes him the superior one in your dynamic with him. It’s all an illusion that he created. You are beautiful and that is a fact that his words cannot change! But your belief or perception in yourself is something that narcs can affect. And you have to be patient with yourself because it does take time to get that back. You have to form habits that celebrate yourself and take care of yourself and stay away from negative people whether they are narcs or not. We all go through that and many of us have overcome that and are happy and confident again. Just keep moving forward and occupy your mind with other stuff. Dancing is a wonderful activity to occupy yourself with. You can also read HG Tudor books or any book were you will learn something new and will keep your interest. And don’t be hard on yourself for not seeing what I told you because I didn’t see it too what I was trying hard to improve my relationships with my narcs. I wouldn’t have know that if I didn’t find this blog. Take care of yourself darling. 💕💕

          1. Mommypino, thank you so much for taking the time to write such kind words. I wish we lived i nthe same cty so we could be friends. You completely understand what I went through and brilliantly explained the reasons why. Thank you! You’re a beautiful soul! Sometimes I think that we go through what we go through not only to become stronger, but to help others along the way. And you are doing just that! <3

          2. Aw thank you Sarita, you made my day! ❤️ I’m glad that I was helpful. Sometimes with the sensitivity of the situations here I worry that I could have said something insensitive. I’m glad that my words helped you. I would love to be your friend! My daughter’s godmother is Mexican and we did Zumba together. She’s very petite and beautiful. She has a lot of resemblance with Salma Hayek. I’m only 5’3” but she makes me feel tall. I think she’s 5’1”. She is so sweet and kind too and leads a cultural dance group in our local Carholic church. She’s amazing and I love her! Where in South America did your family hail from? I think we’re not allowed to say what city we live in but I’m in Northern California.

          3. Sarita, also I forgot to mention I grew up from the Philippines so a lot of the culture that I grew up with are pretty similar to the cultures in South American countries. We were also colonized by Spain.

          4. I’m in Colorado! Wish we were closer! I’m sure we will bump into each other again on this site sooner or later. 🙂

          5. You should move here! Just kidding! 😜. I wish we were closer too. 💕

          6. I’m in Colorado! I’m sure we will bump into each other on this site sooner or later! <3

        3. Sarita133, Please don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t know. We all have to deal with narcs who are liars and manipulators. They just have a whole bag of tricks for it that we are unfamiliar with. Your narc really did a number on you. Body shaming is horrible no matter who it is done to and when, but especially in the context of an intimate relationship. My narc would covertly shame his IPPS’s body – he was never obvious about it but now I am thinking about it because of your posts. Every time he complimented me (a lot), he was comparing me (IPSS) to IPPS. Maybe she gained a lot of weight after 3 kids right in a row. Or had stretch marks, a belly, saggy boobs, whatever. Years later, she constantly jogged and went on long walks, probably to get in shape, and she doesn’t post pictures of herself online unless it is just her face or she is all bundled up. He was probably body shaming her.

  21. I can’t stop coming back and reading this thread.
    What a great therapy to laugh about this non sense. Actually laughing about it – is part of the healing process.
    I am sure many of us went back to our emails and texts – I really had a few ahah moments and because I am less emotional about all this I was able to look at it with more distanciation and forgiveness for myself.
    That is the best virtual group session I ever had!

    I will end on this pearl:

    Sorry I did not wrap your gift for Christmas and If I did not gave it to you in front of everyone ( an iPod … big deal ) , I did not wanted your sister to be jealous her boyfriend does not give her nice gifts like I do. I know you have a difficult relationship with her I don’t want it to get worst.

    The same Christmas «  sorry I am not going with you to the neighbors for the Christmas diner » I need to call my wife – she is alone at Christmas and I don’t want to leave her alone » I am trying to be a nice ex husband … I am a great man… don’t you see?

    1. MY Narc: I’m not lying! Why do you always have to say I’m lying! I told you that I had changed. I woke up one morning and my whole thought process changed because you taught me love. I swear to God, I will never hurt you again.

  22. N: “I can’t take you out for your birthday tonight.
    Me: Not surprised but still… “oh, bummer well, what’s up what happened”
    N: “I have to figure out this Excel spreadsheet, do you know how to do pivot tables”
    Me: “uh, it’s kinda complicated to describe on the phone”

    mind you this is a person working on a govt. contract – it’s after 5pm,

    Another Time:
    N: “I can’t pick you up at the airport tomorrow”
    Me: “Why not”? – ( meanwhile this trip to put my father in a nursing home has been the toughest trip probably of my life)
    N: “I’m going to take an Excel class”

    LOL….. Excel…figures large in her life!
    Glad I can laugh like hell about it now…

    1. lol, Kate. Oh lord, someone who is loves Excel. I see an Excel spreadsheet and I just want to gouge my eyes out. I tell whoever gave it to me that I don’t know how to do it. A few weeks ago I had to make a budget and the finance people sent me an Excel spreadsheet. I sent the amounts back to them in a regular text document and told them I had no idea how to fill in the spreadsheet. They did it for me.

      Anyway, I know my little story is off topic but your post made me laugh. Your N was triangulating you with Excel spreadsheets. New one for me!

  23. N- what are you up to?

    Me- I’m at the hospital waiting for M (my daughter) to have the baby.

    …less then a hour later

    N- so what do you have going on today?

    1. Mercy, I really guffawed at that one. Having several conversations at once?

      Thankfully, mine never made that sort of mistake. He had too much self-control.

  24. From the dad mid-ranger to my 13yo awkward self when I arrived at the airport to see him after a lengthy absence, “Do you see that flight attendant? You should try to look like her.” This was back in the 80’s when flight attendants had beauty training as part of their education. He said to my brother and me at the end of the summer, “I don’t need you, I don’t want you to come back. I have the dogs. The dogs are my children.”

  25. This was rich, actually. We were watching the movie Mama Mia (his choice, not mine, not really into that group) and got very…sad (pathetic) when the song ‘Winner takes all’ was sung. I asked what was wrong. He said he felt bad for his wife ‘because she’s losing me’. (he was divorced by that time. Also by that time, I realized I wished he’d stayed with her)
    Eventually—he went back to her, of course. I was relieved. Triangulation all the way. Like when he visited me the first time and was looking at his phone–I caught a glimpse of a pic of his wife. He looked up, and said, “Want to see a picture of my son?” Stupid fool. His wife looked like a man??? I said, ‘uhh no’.
    Beginning of the end although, the narcspeak went on for nearly a year and I got pretty good at translation.
    Still, every time I think of ‘Mama Mia’ I want to hurl.

  26. Thanks Tudor is Friday. Lol.
    Just listened to the most recent one and found it very funny, HG.
    I think it is a good option to answer to questions that you can select because they are asked frequently by your YT audience.
    Kim Jong-un should be a piece of cake for you. I guess you just need to find the time to deal with him.

      1. I did. Thanks. I did not know about the TTI Friday series (what the Tudor is wrong with me?), so I haven’t listened to part 1 and 2, but I will.

      1. Hi NA. There is a series of audios HG is releasing on YT called Thanks Tudor it’s Friday where he answers questions. I discovered it yesterday by chance and have only listened to number 3, which I found very funny à la HG. I just saw he’s released number 4.

  27. My matrinarc to my old high school friend after not seeing her for more than ten years, “Wow! Your face has improved! I didn’t recognize you! MP look, she’s not ugly anymore!”

  28. So many ridiculous statements I wouldn’t know where to start. They fascinated me because they were so weirdly twisted. Of course now I understand their logic but at the time of their utterance I did not. One of the best ones was towards the end when he said ‘I couldn’t stick to OUR plan,’ without having told me what the plan was. That was everything in a nutshell. Gaslighting! (amirite K? I think I get it now)

  29. He sat down in my house – after I had found out about his other woman during the last 4 yrs !! To my face he actually told me he and I had ONLY been friends the whole time . Which I then asked him to get out – as if I divorced JUST to be his friend. Rat. Still stuck on his rat wheel life – cant get off and doesnt want to.
    His stories about being asked by a Prem Ship Football team Manager – how to run the squad and what tactics!! It amazes me how he thinks I ever believed them. Id just nod and smile thinking ‘knobhead’,

    1. But that has to be true, I get calls from Pep Guardiola every week, in fact he is calling me now about the game against Fulham – hola Pep!

      1. You know who im on about HG. ! (Letter to the Narc No. 12). And you were bang on – ive now lost 3 years of my life – you did say in ten yrs time 2 yrs ago – i would still be in the same place. I was proved right – I WAS the DLS the whole time and an old boot paying for everything (incl his bed!!!!!) was the IPPS. Aka – jusy friends (aka shagbuddies).

  30. The MMRN (after lying that they had just finished and passed their PhD…. and never went on to finish) “the only thing left to do now, the next step from here, is to become a professor; onward and upward”

  31. Prior to meeting up with friends for dinner – N: “Now remember that part of the conversation tonight must be about my weight loss and also remember to compliment me in front of them that I made you dinner last month.” This was said in all seriousness on more than one occassion about various things.
    When I dared slightly criticise something he did: N: “From now on I am banning any negative words about me. You may only use positive words of praise when you refer to me.” Yeah, riiiight.
    When I was better at something than he was. N: “ Why do you always ruin things?” Major eyeroll at the grandiosity.

    1. Jess, this is priceless.
      What happened if you didn’t comply?

      I told the current ex-narc-fling “no, I won’t say this and that”, and after him being a little off-balance and confused he seemed to accept this.
      But maybeeeee one of his not-so-nice-behaviours was a kind of punishment …?

      That is an interesting context — telling you you’d ruined sth when you were better at sth. I had never thought of it that way, having heard that sentence often enough …

      1. @ava101: If I complied, all was well. If I didn’t, he would lash out at me later and sulk, silent treatment, tell me off, belittle, etc. He talked mainly about himself anyway when with friends. Towards the end, when I had worked him out, I just laughed loudly in ridicule at such grand and ludicrous requests. Also did not go down well. As for the “you ruined it”, it’s simple: it showed his flaws/weakness so he had to blame someone for it. Pityful – UMRN.

    2. Hi jess …im sorry yours made me laugh bc it is ridiculous! Coaching you on what to compliment him about at the dinner wow! I know this happens tho!
      My father in law was a musician and would tell my narc mother in law what she could say and what she couldnt. How to dress and act. She had to look supermodel perfect and he told her not to say too much bc he didnt want her embarressing them both. Im not sure he was a narc but that sounds very similiar.

      1. @Chihuahuamum: I was an idiot to comply, but his requests were uber idiotic. I can laugh at them now, so glad you had a chuckle. He was a treasure trove of ridiculousness.

    3. Jess, that is so obviously egotistical and vain I had to laugh at it. Talking about his weight loss hahaha.

  32. Oh my – this thread is hilarious.

    Most of the MRN’s statements were meant to belittle and put down – not only in relation to me but to most people around him, irrespective of their position in the fuel matrix, their social status or their achievements.
    He commented on some of my own work-related achievements with „Well, ok – it’s nice to see you had a good time and got some credit for it also“. The joint project I work in was of course „inferiour“ to the corporation he worked for.

    Or he tried to release himself of any accountability/deny responsibility/engage in repeated pity plays when confronted by telling me he was „still a small boy“ and that he „could not cope with anyone’s emotions, it is just too much for me. He questioned whether what he felt and how he (mis)behaved at times was just a consequence of “other people always offloading their issues and problems onto me. I wonder whether that is truly mine to carry.”

    He considered himself too nice and therefore, „I have to be more cautious because people tend to exploit me“ while blatantly abusing and manipulating people around him.

    [Several incidents of gaslighting and triangulation later…] „it is not ok for me that you are always trying to bring me down by constantly questioning everything I say or do. You make me depressed. If you could be more positive, I might enjoy your company again.“

    When there was suddenly a new profile picture of a woman on a second account of him that popped up on my Whatsapp while he was ‚supposed‘ to be travelling alone, he snapped when I merely asked him in an unemotional and polite manner who that woman was while the picture and the second account vanished within milliseconds. He first denied the existence of the image (and the second Whatsapp account), then blamed the existence of both the picture and the account on technical problems he had nothing to do with whatsoever, then blamed the existence of both on my „inferiour device“ and then blamed my „trust issues“ for not believing in his version of „technical problems“.

  33. Remembered another.
    My mother just passed away. Well when she got close to the end, my aunt, a lesser, did not like mom having the spot light. Family had come to say their good byes from out of town. My aunt became agitated when her usual oh worries me routine didn’t result in reaction paying things for her. Every one is teary eyed having just shared last moments with my mom. My aunt blurts out.
    “God! Drama!” Rolled her eyes “I’m sicker than her. I will probably pass away before she does.” No reaction from anyone.
    She then suddenly and very inappropriately starts “crying”. “Why is this happening to me. My husband may lose his foot (diabetes), my mother passed away 2 months ago (true) and now I’m losing my sister.

    My other very kind aunt rolled her eyes but began comforting her anyway. When i walked everyone out the kind aunt told me to get away when mom was gone.

    1. Maddox,

      Death seems to bring out the most ridiculous and reprehensible behaviours in them; whatever it takes to refocus the attention on them. Note the focus on her : “Why is this happening to me.”

      Sorry for your loss and for that happening immediately following your mother’s passing.

      1. Who cares
        I Sound so insensitive. It was sad. Her husband being sick and mother passing now her sister. But i confronted her one day for telling my mom she didn’t love her and she wished she would hurry up and die. She had no remorse. She freely told people she didn’t love her husband. I’m explaining myself. Ugh. My apologies.
        I’m laughing about the rants. No one can talk more about nothing than my narc. I agree. The life centered around them philosophy rant is priceless .

        1. Oracle,

          You are not insensitive. You’re having an incredulous response to behaviour that merits it. That is horrible what your aunt said to your mother…and you would not have felt right within yourself if you didn’t confront her.

          My father later remarried another narcissist (quite sometime after leaving my mother). Both my father and his new wife had degenerative neurological disorders – only my dad acted as caretaker for her for many years and well past the time he should have; all while he was fighting his own failing body.
          Her response – a few hours after he had died and in a circle of family members – “Well, he had cheap rent.”

          1. Who cares that’s horrible. No respect for you or your father life and sacrifices. I’m so sorry.

          2. Thank-you Maddox. They don’t understand stand “respect” when their fuel levels demand it.

            But she never got fuel from me for saying that. I walked away down the hall to another room. Out of my own sense of respect for the situation; there was no way I would engage that comment of hers.

            I didn’t know what narcissism was back then but I was done with her after that comment.

    2. Maddox,

      Sorry for your loss.

      Regarding your narc aunt’s behavior, it reminded me of HG’s article ‘Death’ which mentioned about narcs creating scenes to draw the spotlight back to them.

      1. Mp
        That’s exactly what my happened with my spouse when mom died. It was awful how he behaved .
        Is your mom passed? You may have said. I’m sorry if you did. She treated you so cruelly. So sorry. You seem to be the opposite of what she may have been? I hope i don’t offend.

        1. Claire, don’t worry you never offended me. Thank you. My mom is still alive. My dad passed away in 2007. He was not a narc, quite the opposite of it actually. He was most likely an empath with a really strong and dominant personality. He was usually chosen to be a leader in whatever organization he joined. He was not abused by his parents but he seemed to be attracted to narcissist women. He told me that he was attracted to strong women because they reminded him of his mom and grandmother. But both of them were empaths from the stories that I have heard about them.
          Were you the only child? How long have you been separated from your narc spouse? You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable, I’m just curious.

          1. Oracle I’m sorry I mixed up your name with someone else that I just got done responding to. 😬

  34. “Most awkward compliment” – haha! Going to start that one, NA? Bet you have some doozies! (Sp?)

    How about “philosophical narc musings”? I’ll even start this one myself:

    “Life is weird. You can go from being strangers, to being friends, to being more than friends, to being practically strangers again. (Has nothing to do with you. Just something new I learned recently.)”

    Seriously, dude. That’s revolutionary…and so deep.

  35. I will just focus on my matrinarc to avoid writing a long novel. She’s a Lower Lesser Victim so these are really crazy stuff plus I think she has paranoia as well and she is extremely delusional.

    Matrinarc: The governor is monitoring us everywhere we go. The governor is paying our neighbors to piss me off and harass us to make our lives miserable.

    Me: The governor doesn’t even know us. He’s not even aware that we exist.

    Matrinarc: You fucker! Are you really that stupid? Can’t you see? The governor paid your uncle to beat me up and he paid all of my siblings to ostracize me! You’re too retarded to figure this out!

    Me: My uncle beat you up because he lost his temper when you announced at the top of your lungs in front of his house for all of his neighbors to hear that his wife is a whore and that his oldest son is not his but the son of his wife’s ex boyfriend before they got married! The governor had nothing to do with that!

    Matrinarc: You really are the spawn of Satan!! I can’t believe that I gave birth and raised such a stupid whore like you! Keep believing that and you will end up being a whore! Ugly fat and smelly men would line up to take turns fucking you until you’re unconscious! I know that’s what you want! I have always noticed since you were two that you were different than other kids. You’ve always wanted to be a whore!

    And I think I was around 12-13 when these exchanges were going on almost everyday which lasted until I was about 16. I eventually figured out a way to just ignore her and tune her out and out my mind elsewhere. This was when she was ostracized by all of her relatives and I became the only major source of her fuel with my dad not giving her fuel but sending money to support me. When I turned 16 our relatives started to reconnect with us again and she mellowed down dramatically but still very volatile. Up to now she is in a constant state of ridiculousness and it hasn’t changed.

        1. Yes, but I really appreciate your sharing. It gives insight into what you’ve been through. Blessings to you, MP. And love.

          My mom was similarly crazy and accusatory, but I think I’ve placed her between UL and LMR so more restraint than that. Still the screaming fits and physical reactions were there when I was a teen. They are gone now. Her facade has improved. Her feelings have not, it is still my fault.

          1. Thank you NB. Love and blessings to you too! I’m sorry that you went through a similar thing with your mom. I think that it sucks in a special way for daughters to have a matrinarc. There’s a lot of self rediscovery that we need to go through with our identities as women.

    1. MP, my respect to you for having been raised by such a mother and turned out to be such a kind, intelligent woman with a lot of common sense.

  36. “You’re my wife. I studied you like every man studies his wife. I’ve known everything about you, everything since you were a little girl.”

    **I met the guy when I was 25. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Came home with cocaine all over his face. Says, “That’s not cocaine, that’s Kleenex! Stop making shit up!” 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

  37. This was a new one today. We have a business. I work for us.
    Today mocking me he says “oh I’m terminally ill. Poor me. I can’t get a job. ”
    Let me clarify. Yes technically i am terminally ill but i have some years left . He wants me to get a second job. Which I’m going to try. But initially i had told him ny concerns as to weather or not i could sustain working two jobs with my health. So now he says this.
    Does he hear what he is saying?

  38. Best statement I heard from my narc after splitting and he immediately bedded someone else; “I did it so that I wouldn’t be jaded about women” – because I, as the carrier and now supernova, did soooo much to jade him of women.

  39. I think among the worst were:
    – the ex-narc didn’t handle it well when Attention was taken from him, like when I didn’t buy him an extra salad when I Had the flu or was meditating. When we were driving through the countryside one day I was watching some cute Baby goats when He said very earnest: “I’m a Baby goat, too!”
    – when he said “That’s okay, I like it when it Hurts you”, when I was telling him it hurt when we had had no foreplay.

    1. “I’m a baby goat too!” 🤣🤣🤣 You can’t make this stuff up.

      I don’t like that he liked it when it hurt you though. Not Cool!!!!

  40. After my discard, and some email exchanges when I removed him from my car insurance, this was his last email to me:

    I told you what?! That “the insurance was going to “pay” for part of the flights.”? – what is that even about? (He had intended this story a few weeks ago, the apparently “forgot” about it)

    I am sorry that you got so hurt. It looks like you are in a really bad condition (unlike your beliefs) and I am really sorry about that. But I never did anything deliberate to cause that, it is totally a self-inflicted thing. That is clear by the way you speak, and thinking about “all my tactics”, “aggression”, “manipulation” etc. This is just insane and I won’t continue feeding this painful, sick dynamics. (He doesn’t recognize that he is using tactics of agression, manipulation, etc. on me – which.. ok, he is a mid ranger and is not aware. Also, he is a product of two narcs, so he probably doesn’t even know these are tactics, just part of who he is and does all of is naturally)

    I feel much better right now as well – you see! All good what ends well. But unlike you, it is not because I consider you a bad person or influence. In fact, I will never do that and always cherish/trust you. It’s because I finally see that I stubbornly tried to make work something that couldn’t work for me, and I should have just felt it for what that was manifesting. (He always stayed with me despite his lack of sexual attraction to me, but the conclusion I got to is that I wasn’t a good source of fuel to him because I never begged or made any drama, or even initiated sex because I was always too afraid of rejection).

    The thing in your last email then is the cherry on the cake….all those persecution obsessions…I hope you will heal soon from this. (after I removed him from my car insurance I told him I had contacted the police in case he would come and try to destroy anything in my property – he always said he would do things like these when no one would be looking to retaliate against his doctors office – due to high bills – and to his apartment complex administration – due to not letting him break the lease without having to pay high $).

    I don’t know what else to say or do (or not do) to help you being at peace.
    Good bye and be well (Be well??? I’m better than ever without him!)

    P.S. don’t worry for your property.

  41. “What means “NO” with a single period after it? What are you trying to contradict?”

    (Ummmm…your sense of entitlement?)

  42. I can’t get over how hilarious it is to read this !
    HG you have a good sense of derision – you always had humour but this post is taking it to another level !

    N- All the women in my life tell me what to do. That is the new thing- like if they all talk to each other’s .

    N- it is a terrible day
    Me – why
    N- I want you happy

    1. Me: You told me she is just a friend
      Narc: she is
      Me: I think you had sex with her
      Narc: I can never win an argument with women. You fight. She fights. I will leave you both
      Me thinking: you just verified that she is more than a friend

  43. Haha, this brought up some pretty funny memories.
    Him: “you won’t believe what happened at work!”
    Me: “Did you get fired?” because he had told me he had crossed some financial boundaries at work.
    Him: “Do you know who I am? I’m (gives his own name)! No one fires (says his name).”

    He was quite grandiose.

  44. He said doctor blah a shrinky dink after 4 years in the relationship said I should block you and not speak with you. I need to resolve my issues. I need to be on my own then I can come back to you.
    He once said ” he didn’t know who he was anymore”.
    I was taking him to his liposuction surgery appointment. He accused me of making him late. And we were on time.
    When he came back from Afghanistan he said he couldn’t see me he was having car problems.

    1. 1st husband: preacher, musician, con-artist, apostle even – “I need to talk to you….I, I think God is bringing us together.”

      Other ex-husband: he was a widower from a very real tragedy and we were on a trip and I booked us into a run-down but historic old hotel. He didn’t find it the quaint adventure I did and was furious. To make things worse a tenant that evidently lived there was playing his stereo so loud down the hall he said he couldn’t sleep. He laid there in the dark seething, so I thought. I felt guilty and put my clothes back on and with great fear and trepidation i walked down the dark hall to confront the person (crazed druggie, escaped convict?) who cranked the music so loud. I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked louder and a young man opened the door and i asked him if he could turn it down. He did. I got back to room and noticed my husband had already been asleep.
      In the morning I told him what I had done. He looked at me incredulously and said, “Gee my first wife wouldn’t have done that!”
      Trianglation as always with his deceased wife.

      Recent ex-friend: he had been on and off discarding me and had been out of town and doing silent treatment over the holidays. I was getting a clue from reading about narcissism and when I ran into him I acted like I unaffected by his silence. We caught up had a drink and
      he said he’d been thinking about Us and thought perhaps we could work something out…
      Do go on…
      He said we could, But I could no longer criticize him for anything he did, or anything he didn’t do. Also no or rare sex and wouldn’t see him so often.

      What a sweet-talker!

  45. “The bottom of your sink is beautiful! I’ve never seen it before!”
    —-mother in law who never does dishes or cleans

    “I could have been Bill Gates. There was an ad in the paper.”

    “I come from royal blood.”

    “I have seven natural grandchildren.”
    —-There are 9 but one of her children is adopted so his children are not her natural grandchildren.

    “I didn’t tell you to protect you. Sometimes it’s better not to know things.”

    “I don’t think we should keep seeing each other if you’re going to be this disrespectful, this is over.”
    —-after I told him he was a dick and I didn’t want to see him anymore.

    “You could have done it yourself, but you didn’t.”
    —-in response to any criticism of anything he did improperly

    Breakup riddle:
    Him: “I will find out in two weeks, if the answer is x we will stop seeing each other, if the answer is y then we will get more serious.”
    Me: “Let me solve that for you today.”
    —-the stupid thing is I didn’t want to get more serious. They seriously think whatever they want is on the table as though you’ve no thoughts.

    Also my grandfather once gave my grandmother all of the Christmas presents to wrap including the one he bought her and pretended it was for someone else and then gave it back to her at Christmas after he put her name over top of the other one.

    My brother in law robbed 6 people of a percentage of an inheritance as the “executor” making off with well into six figures total….AFTER he charged obscene executor fees out of the total including according to the paper work: charges for attending the funeral, the hotel that night, and a hamburger he ate at McDonald’s on the way there.

    My father in law swears he was under duress in leg chains in court but still didn’t give up the Boston Mafia fake car inspection ring.

    1. Nunya biz,

      “My brother in law robbed 6 people of a percentage of an inheritance as the “executor” making off with well into six figures total….AFTER he charged obscene executor fees out of the total including according to the paper work: charges for attending the funeral, the hotel that night, and a hamburger he ate at McDonald’s on the way there.”


      Also – loved your break-up riddle solution!

      1. Thanks. WC. I try to see the humor, it’s the backstabbing that bothers way more than the action. I love this premise of “ridiculous”. I find it educational.

        1. Nunya biz,

          Agreed. What is there to do but find the humour in it? For me, I’m finding it quite cathartic because most of the narc’s statements that I shared were from when I was low contact so I never responded in provocation – just ignored and moved on. So I take a very perverse pleasure in laughing at these statements with you all. Also, it helps resolve the resentment at feeling “stupid” for not seeing the statements for what they were – back in the entanglement – because, clearly, we were all there once.

          1. Yes, WC, I’m better able to respond as Narc.
            “Hmmmm…this logically does not work for me to consider you as a person.”
            Sucks though, I’ve got a large number of family narcs. Working on acceptance.

    2. Never seen the buttom of the sink before … hahahahaa!!

      Your brother in law is like my sister at present. She sucked up to our grand grand grand uncle / father’s cousin / whatever, because he has no other heirs and then went up to his place when he was in hospital and then dying. Only to find that his money is mysteriously gone (is it?) and he had the apartment full of Bavarian wooden kitsch, and wooden crosses. ;D

      1. Thanks Kelly : )
        I think he was subconsciously provoking me to breakup but also couldn’t let me have the upperhand in being the one to do it and also needed to shift responsibility to something completely external and also couldn’t decide.
        I was flabbergasted.

  46. After I gave him a 45 minute blowjob…
    N: I think you’re just here for the sex

    Right. That makes sense. I’m just here to serve you. Why are you shaming me? You’re welcome by the way!

    When I was catching onto his games…
    Me: This doesn’t feel good. We need to talk in person. Are you capable of that?
    N: Well when you say we need to talk because this doesn’t feel good. What is it that we’re gonna talk about?

    When he started ignoring me again…
    Me: This is hurting me. I don’t think I can do this. I thought it would be different this time.
    N: Don’t put this on me. I told you we weren’t compatible. Let’s just not do this anymore. I told you we were different when it comes to emotions.

    OMG! I could write an anthology. The whole thing was one ridiculous statement after the other, on my part too. This is so therapeutic. I should have done this a long time ago.

    1. Ah, I’m so sorry, Twisted Heart … I would have blown up when he had said that to me … what more did he want, or did he think he was loosing control … :/

      All soooo narc.

      “I told you I’m an asshole”. “I told you we weren’t good for each other”. “Women always get emotional and attached, men can just have sex.” “I told you I wasn’t ready”. “You said you wanted to try.” “I never told you that I could love only one person at the same time”. “I told you I wasn’t sure.” “I told you it might complicate things and that we should have stayed friends”.
      And with all their conditional statements, it’s even kind of true they had said that before and then later on use it for not being held accountable.
      Being ignored is the worst, and then getting a non-answer or/and blame shifting that way instead, too. 🙁

      Please do write an anthology, so we can all look up the typical, not-even-original phrases when we get confusing statements by people in our lives.

      1. I know Ava. The whole thing is so humiliating. Who knows what goes on in their heads. Get me off this merry-go-round.

      2. Ava101, something very similar happened to me, about “compatibility”. He always said he wasn’t sexually attracted to me (not compatible), yet stayed with me because he liked the all the “rest” of me – personality, character, qualities to build a family with (which is what I wanted the most – he future faked a lot!!).. Humm.. Now that I think about it: maybe he stayed with me just to acquire those character traits?? I’m currently reading “Sex and the Narcissist”. There are several things I still don’t understand. He had sex with me quite often (not as often as I would like, or as he would say he would like), but a few times a week. Still, he would lose erection – he was 36 years old. I didn’t know he was a narc at that time. It was devastating for me, as he said it’s because I didn’t excite him – and I was the only woman he experienced this with. After a while, there were no words needed. I just knew it was because of me, and I got devastated whenever this happened. I started thinking (after I found out what he was – which was after he discarded me) that maybe he was purposefully thinking about other things while in bed with me, just to provoke the impotence. Then I thought maybe he was seeing someone during work hours (I was with him the whole time after that). Now I’m thinking he was maybe masturbating at work before coming home (since he always said sex with me was unsatisfying). Just writing about this makes me very sad. Why did I accept all that?

        1. sarita, Don’t believe a single statement of his! Of course he said it was you, otherwise he would have had to admit that it was just him, indeed. All the other statements just put you down, to undermine you, to control you, to make you feel inferior to him. Which you are not, of course. Those statements weren’t the truth, they were abusive manipulations. Always remember that they don’t really enjoy intimacy. He enjoyed your reactions, good or bad.
          Yes, that’s a very good book to read.

        2. He didn’t need to have sex with you to get his fuel sarita. You were giving him tons of negative fuel with your reactions to his lack of desire. He had you doing what he wanted by not having sex with you.

          He said that this only happened with you as he instinctively knew you’d spew fountains of fuel. 99% sure that was a lie.

          My ex used to withdraw sex from me for that reason. Delicious negative fuel.

          1. Tappi.. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s helping a lot for me to understand what happened. <3

          2. Glad I was of some help sarita. Thanks ava101!

            I’m not the most forthcoming person on the blog. Still shaking off the paranoia he infected me with. I’m much better at sharing my story than I was when I first landed here but I still hold back for fear of being recognised. I’ve sent many here to narcsite and worry I’ll be recognised if I pour myself out here.

          3. Tappi, I hear you. I sent one friend a post but was kind of relieved when she didn’t latch on to the blog.

          4. Tappi,
            what are you afraid of?
            I mentioned this blog to more than one ex-narc but they are not interested in other people’s feelings, etc., so … But even if they would recognize themselves — good for them. Or something like that.

          5. I’m concerned about friends and family recognising me, some of whom I’ve shared HGs details or articles.
            I only confide in two friends the details of my intimate relationship/s. It’s been my experience that people are happy to divulge their private lives to me and I’m a pretty good listener. If they do ask me questions about myself, I’m usually brief and general and the person is content to keep talking about their lives and themselves.

            Also a couple of the exes lieutenants who are lovely people might cotton on to me if I divulge too much. The ex is also a possibility. And the possibility of him pointing more of his friends to me. I had mentioned the N word to some of the above and when I consider how popular HGs blog grows-14 million hits coming fast- I worry that down the track, someone might recognise me….. obviously, when you put something online, it’s out there for eternity. Im always aware of that. I’m quite private with my own story in real life as well. I have to know a person well before I completely open up.
            And I do have some pride left. That is one of my narcissistic traits.
            Trying not to sound like a pompous wanker but my general life and also my career path are quite unusual thus easily recognisable.
            Hope this adequately provides the answer to your question lovely Ava xo

        3. Yeah sarita, that sounds exactly like a narc avoiding intimacy and then shifting blame. They don’t all do it in those specific ways, but some do. And he could have had porn addiction and masturbation issues. He won’t take responsibility. The rest of it is just ways for him to justify it and be superior and control you. It’s instinctive and he can do all of that at once. That’s exactly what that looks like, nothing else. And as far as purposely provoking impotence that is entirely possible.
          Porn/masturbation addiction will often manifest in erection and/or orgasm issues during sex.

        1. “Oh baby that feels so good. Get off me, you’re fucking useless. Don’t stop. If you don’t stop, I’ll tell everyone how crap you are. I’m almost there – you’re the best I’ve ever had. Get out of my house now. Swallow it like a good girl. I NEVER said I enjoyed oral (that’s saved for my DLS). That felt amazing.”

          1. Oh Sarah Jane
            What contrarians narcs can be.
            In the end, it’s his loss honey.
            ‘like a good girl’ fucking gross

      1. Hahaha!! He lasted way too long all the time. I’m pretty sure it was because of his porn addiction.

        1. They are so weird about sex! Definitely mixed messages. One night at our hangout bar i gave him a discreet brush with my hand over his crotch. Nobosy saw. All the way home he shamed me about my inappropriate and disrespectful behaviout towards him. I was flabbergasted, never before have I had a complaint with men if I do this! A couple of months later he told me i had kissed him in the bar and he was very embarrassed. My memory of the night was a bit foggy and i felt terrible. Had i forced myself on his mouth? Ear? Groin? Ass? I sheepishly asked him where i had kissed him.

          1. I think it comes back to the desire for control. They want control both ways.

          2. … or doesn’t want to be seen in public by the “wrong” people. Or being in “wants to be seen” mode, and not in “control through sex” mode.

            But it’s true, the ex narc would never take my hand or even hug me in public, not even when other people present knew that we were together / had been together.
            No affections in public, though they might get a kick out of being seen doing stuff …

            But very, very concerned that neighbours might hear. … (exception: ex lover picturebook narc with sadistic streak who also left the curtains open by accident and liked the whole house to hear…. …. )
            <—- not sure about the reason for that one (afraid neighbours could hear), does anybody have a clue? (When clearly not being a DLS and when all neighbours knew I was staying there?)
            Facade more important than control & fuel …???

            "I can't come when you are making any sounds." Hm …. (Didn't mind the sofa squaking though.)

          3. Evelyn,

            😱His Cheek?!!! How dare you!
            It’s so confusing.

            The first night we met I was at a concert with my friends and he had his arm around me the whole time. A little awkward for someone you just met. After the concert we went for a drink and he was rubbing my leg.

            But the next time we went out, I asked him if I could touch him. He said “Yeah but I don’t really do public affection.”


            Ok that’s my last post on this thread. I need to get on with my life🤪

          1. I did read it. I don’t know if it made it better or worse for me. I still struggle with that part.

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