Poll : Ridiculous Statements By The Narcissist
You will have experienced a narcissist saying or writing something which, well, frankly is completely ridiculous. Of course, it is ridiculous from your perspective but from the perspective of the Lesser he believes what he states but lacks the awareness to realise how the comment sounds to others, from the perspective of the Mid Range Narcissist his comment is entirely justified and he can find a thousand reasons to support what has been said and from the perspective of the Greater there is evidence to support the comment and therefore is actually is not ridiculous or he knows it is but does not care because it entertains him or her to say such a thing and see the response it causes.
Do you know why the narcissist made such a comment? Was it done to exaggerate their own achievements or was it done as part of some lie to evade responsibility? Was the comment an inflammatory one aiming to provoke you and upset you, anger you or hurt you? Alternatively was it done as part of gas lighting or triangulation?
You may choose as many as are applicable from the list below, but best of all, do provide examples of those statements in the comments – let’s see just how far the brethren went with the ridiculous comments.
Thank you for participating.
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After I gave him a 45 minute blowjob…
N: I think you’re just here for the sex
Right. That makes sense. I’m just here to serve you. Why are you shaming me? You’re welcome by the way!
When I was catching onto his games…
Me: This doesn’t feel good. We need to talk in person. Are you capable of that?
N: Well when you say we need to talk because this doesn’t feel good. What is it that we’re gonna talk about?
When he started ignoring me again…
Me: This is hurting me. I don’t think I can do this. I thought it would be different this time.
N: Don’t put this on me. I told you we weren’t compatible. Let’s just not do this anymore. I told you we were different when it comes to emotions.
OMG! I could write an anthology. The whole thing was one ridiculous statement after the other, on my part too. This is so therapeutic. I should have done this a long time ago.
Ah, I’m so sorry, Twisted Heart … I would have blown up when he had said that to me … what more did he want, or did he think he was loosing control … :/
All soooo narc.
“I told you I’m an asshole”. “I told you we weren’t good for each other”. “Women always get emotional and attached, men can just have sex.” “I told you I wasn’t ready”. “You said you wanted to try.” “I never told you that I could love only one person at the same time”. “I told you I wasn’t sure.” “I told you it might complicate things and that we should have stayed friends”.
And with all their conditional statements, it’s even kind of true they had said that before and then later on use it for not being held accountable.
Being ignored is the worst, and then getting a non-answer or/and blame shifting that way instead, too. 🙁
Please do write an anthology, so we can all look up the typical, not-even-original phrases when we get confusing statements by people in our lives.
I know Ava. The whole thing is so humiliating. Who knows what goes on in their heads. Get me off this merry-go-round.
Exactly, Twisted Heart.
Ava101, something very similar happened to me, about “compatibility”. He always said he wasn’t sexually attracted to me (not compatible), yet stayed with me because he liked the all the “rest” of me – personality, character, qualities to build a family with (which is what I wanted the most – he future faked a lot!!).. Humm.. Now that I think about it: maybe he stayed with me just to acquire those character traits?? I’m currently reading “Sex and the Narcissist”. There are several things I still don’t understand. He had sex with me quite often (not as often as I would like, or as he would say he would like), but a few times a week. Still, he would lose erection – he was 36 years old. I didn’t know he was a narc at that time. It was devastating for me, as he said it’s because I didn’t excite him – and I was the only woman he experienced this with. After a while, there were no words needed. I just knew it was because of me, and I got devastated whenever this happened. I started thinking (after I found out what he was – which was after he discarded me) that maybe he was purposefully thinking about other things while in bed with me, just to provoke the impotence. Then I thought maybe he was seeing someone during work hours (I was with him the whole time after that). Now I’m thinking he was maybe masturbating at work before coming home (since he always said sex with me was unsatisfying). Just writing about this makes me very sad. Why did I accept all that?
sarita, Don’t believe a single statement of his! Of course he said it was you, otherwise he would have had to admit that it was just him, indeed. All the other statements just put you down, to undermine you, to control you, to make you feel inferior to him. Which you are not, of course. Those statements weren’t the truth, they were abusive manipulations. Always remember that they don’t really enjoy intimacy. He enjoyed your reactions, good or bad.
Yes, that’s a very good book to read.
He didn’t need to have sex with you to get his fuel sarita. You were giving him tons of negative fuel with your reactions to his lack of desire. He had you doing what he wanted by not having sex with you.
He said that this only happened with you as he instinctively knew you’d spew fountains of fuel. 99% sure that was a lie.
My ex used to withdraw sex from me for that reason. Delicious negative fuel.
Very well said, Tappi. My ex-narc, too.
Tappi.. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s helping a lot for me to understand what happened. <3
Glad I was of some help sarita. Thanks ava101!
I’m not the most forthcoming person on the blog. Still shaking off the paranoia he infected me with. I’m much better at sharing my story than I was when I first landed here but I still hold back for fear of being recognised. I’ve sent many here to narcsite and worry I’ll be recognised if I pour myself out here.
Tappi, I hear you. I sent one friend a post but was kind of relieved when she didn’t latch on to the blog.
Tappi,
what are you afraid of?
I mentioned this blog to more than one ex-narc but they are not interested in other people’s feelings, etc., so … But even if they would recognize themselves — good for them. Or something like that.
I’m concerned about friends and family recognising me, some of whom I’ve shared HGs details or articles.
I only confide in two friends the details of my intimate relationship/s. It’s been my experience that people are happy to divulge their private lives to me and I’m a pretty good listener. If they do ask me questions about myself, I’m usually brief and general and the person is content to keep talking about their lives and themselves.
Also a couple of the exes lieutenants who are lovely people might cotton on to me if I divulge too much. The ex is also a possibility. And the possibility of him pointing more of his friends to me. I had mentioned the N word to some of the above and when I consider how popular HGs blog grows-14 million hits coming fast- I worry that down the track, someone might recognise me….. obviously, when you put something online, it’s out there for eternity. Im always aware of that. I’m quite private with my own story in real life as well. I have to know a person well before I completely open up.
And I do have some pride left. That is one of my narcissistic traits.
Trying not to sound like a pompous wanker but my general life and also my career path are quite unusual thus easily recognisable.
Hope this adequately provides the answer to your question lovely Ava xo
Yeah sarita, that sounds exactly like a narc avoiding intimacy and then shifting blame. They don’t all do it in those specific ways, but some do. And he could have had porn addiction and masturbation issues. He won’t take responsibility. The rest of it is just ways for him to justify it and be superior and control you. It’s instinctive and he can do all of that at once. That’s exactly what that looks like, nothing else. And as far as purposely provoking impotence that is entirely possible.
Porn/masturbation addiction will often manifest in erection and/or orgasm issues during sex.
IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF YOU EVER!!!!!
They’re just numb all over. Inside & Out.
45 minutes? You’re not doing it right.
Agreed Sarah! Sorry twisted heart. Unless you were edging him for that long!
“Oh baby that feels so good. Get off me, you’re fucking useless. Don’t stop. If you don’t stop, I’ll tell everyone how crap you are. I’m almost there – you’re the best I’ve ever had. Get out of my house now. Swallow it like a good girl. I NEVER said I enjoyed oral (that’s saved for my DLS). That felt amazing.”
Oh Sarah Jane
What contrarians narcs can be.
In the end, it’s his loss honey.
‘like a good girl’ fucking gross
Hahaha!! He lasted way too long all the time. I’m pretty sure it was because of his porn addiction.
They are so weird about sex! Definitely mixed messages. One night at our hangout bar i gave him a discreet brush with my hand over his crotch. Nobosy saw. All the way home he shamed me about my inappropriate and disrespectful behaviout towards him. I was flabbergasted, never before have I had a complaint with men if I do this! A couple of months later he told me i had kissed him in the bar and he was very embarrassed. My memory of the night was a bit foggy and i felt terrible. Had i forced myself on his mouth? Ear? Groin? Ass? I sheepishly asked him where i had kissed him.
YOU KISSED MY CHEEK!
I think it comes back to the desire for control. They want control both ways.
… or doesn’t want to be seen in public by the “wrong” people. Or being in “wants to be seen” mode, and not in “control through sex” mode.
But it’s true, the ex narc would never take my hand or even hug me in public, not even when other people present knew that we were together / had been together.
No affections in public, though they might get a kick out of being seen doing stuff …
But very, very concerned that neighbours might hear. … (exception: ex lover picturebook narc with sadistic streak who also left the curtains open by accident and liked the whole house to hear…. …. )
<—- not sure about the reason for that one (afraid neighbours could hear), does anybody have a clue? (When clearly not being a DLS and when all neighbours knew I was staying there?)
Facade more important than control & fuel …???
"I can't come when you are making any sounds." Hm …. (Didn't mind the sofa squaking though.)
Evelyn,
😱His Cheek?!!! How dare you!
It’s so confusing.
The first night we met I was at a concert with my friends and he had his arm around me the whole time. A little awkward for someone you just met. After the concert we went for a drink and he was rubbing my leg.
But the next time we went out, I asked him if I could touch him. He said “Yeah but I don’t really do public affection.”
Ummmmm…….
Ok that’s my last post on this thread. I need to get on with my life🤪
I asked him once if he took Viagra. I think he took that as a compliment. It was not.
Have you had a chance to read sex and the narcissist twisted heart? Enlightening!
I did read it. I don’t know if it made it better or worse for me. I still struggle with that part.
“Why do you like me? What makes you stay”
That was they day I learned how to narcspeak. My reply was epic BS at it’s finest.
“I was using her. She was buying me stuff all the time, handing me credit cards, doing anything I asked of her. That’s why I told her I love her. I can’t tell you I love you because I really care about you. I know it’s messed up but that’s how my brain works”.
Haha!
“Messed up” alright.
Ha!
Mercy, that sounds almost honest … and still with an abusive/manipulative twist.
When my narc test object 1,5 years ago told me “call it sex please, and not love making, just tell it how it is!” I kind of appreciated it, because he was right about that and he didn’t fake any kind of romance.
He actually said “I was using her?”
I heard narcs say that yes, “she paid the rent, she gave me this laptop …”, “she helps me with my studies/work”, “she had her own company, so she could fly to see me all the time, and when we lived together, it was all her stuff here”, “he helps me with my company”, “my brother bought this flat I wanted and my father helps me rent it from him”, “she does everything for me, I need her because she drives me to work, ….”. … …
But they never really admitted “using” someone.
I also had from my first love: “Do you think I love you? It feels different from how I feel about my girlfriend, so I’m not sure. You have almost won, but her family is so important to me and they have a house where I can live close to where I work.”
Ava101,
Yes he said he used her and others. He told me for several reasons. 1, he thought it was funny the way women would fall all over themselves for him. It was an opportunity to brag. 2, while he was bragging he would justify it by saying “she didn’t really care about me. She tried to buy me” pity. 3, He was dangling affection for me in my face, making me want more. Notice how he implied that he loved me but didn’t say the words. Similar to your narc saying “you have almost won”
He was honest in his cruelty but never told the truth. Even his deepest confessions were filled with lies and manipulation. You would think that the answers to my questions I got from him would make me run but it didn’t, every question I asked gave him a tighter grip on me. I know now, in my quest for answers I became perfect fuel.
In the end he told me he loved me all the time, but by then I was numb to anything he said. It was just another shock value so he could keep a firm grip.
That’s interesting to read, Mercy! You got it right, and it’s always enlightening to read how this works.
Yes, I’ve had that thought, too, in hindsight “You would think his statements would make me run”, but while you are involved, and confused, etc. (plus emotions of course), that kind of talk does work to keep one invested.
Oh gosh, Mercy. That is truly insane but also weirdly self-aware. Mine wasn’t comfortable with love either, of course. He would say he loved things about me, but never that he loved me (nor did I say that I loved him).
I once said referring to IPPS, if you love her, you should commit to her, and his response was a sideways glance and an announcement that he’d had a ‘good time’ with her recently. I told a friend about the conversation and she said ‘she (IPPS) must have slept with him.’ hahaha.
I often encouraged MRN to commit to IPPS, to come clean and be a real partner because I thoight he loved the homemaker life she provided and, by extension, her since she was just an object (as was I). That is what yours was after too – he loved what the other woman was providing for him – that she was a functioning appliance.
SMH, the words “I love you” was just a tool he used to get what he wanted. “I love you, give me more money, worship me”. Or what he did with me by withholding the words because I wasn’t submissive enough. A different game for different women. After I found out about the primary I also encouraged him to commit to her. That became his new game. “She just doesn’t care about me like you do”. Then a day later telling me about the “family” things they would do together. It was all twisted. And yes he had some awareness but not enough to make him dangerous. Most of his actions was purely instinct. It wasn’t until I read about that here that I recognized it.
Mercy, I didn’t understand much either until I got here but I do think a lot of them know there is something wrong with them. I don’t think that makes them dangerous. They don’t necessarily want to be different or hurtful or have super powers but don’t know what it is or their narcissistic defenses will not let them self-examine. Mine admitted at the end that he might have Aspergers when I said that at first I thought he did. But I then said no you don’t, you have a personality disorder (Aspergers and narcissism have a lot in common including a complete lack of empathy). He would also say things like ‘I don’t understand other people’s emotions’ and ‘people come to hate me,’ ‘other people have also said that I am like two different people,’ etc. Deep down he knew he was not normal – he just didn’t know how to manage it or what it was.
SHM … another one of those … we dated the same N? His IPPS told him he was asperger … He think it is better than being a Narc and that the reason he can’t be good is that he is sick. When you take a look at the strengths of aspergers this is when you know they are narcs. Aspergées are not competitive – not mean etc … but it looks better than being a N.
Interesting, Loy. I did not know that claiming to have Aspergers was a narc thing to do but it makes perfect sense that they use it as a cover. I really was unsure for awhile but as you say, Aspies do not lie, cheat and steal. I once asked N if he was ‘on the spectrum’ and he didn’t know what I meant but maybe he did. In the end, I did not accept the Asperger’s diagnosis at all. I have a friend who is married to a true Aspie and that is no picnic either!
SMH, either I’m softening up or this thread is messing with my ET because your comment made me have a smidge of sympathy. There were a few times I could feel the desperation in him because he was aware that he is different but didn’t understand it. It’s very sad that they don’t feel loving emotions but I can’t let sympathy distract me from what happened.
When I said dangerous I meant that a narcissist that is aware and doesn’t act on instinct alone is dangerous. BS had some awareness and I think some of his behavior was calculated but, because of his lack of full awareness I was able to spot the red flags.
Mercy, a smidgen of sympathy – don’t worry – it will go away! Ha.
But imagine knowing there is something wrong with you but the thing that is wrong with you makes you completely unable to be self-aware about it. What a head to be in. It must be like being blind but trying to see.
I get what you mean about the red flags and lack of full awareness. Mine tripped up quite a few times but he also showed his insecurities (for me those insecurities humanized him). Not so good at being a narc, but then he was an MRN.
funny- I encouraged my ex MRanger to do the same. But I think they can NEVER admit they lied/cheated/or ‘made a mistake’. I think it would put them forever at a disadvantage or “one-down”. My ex MRanger never to this day has admitted a 4year affair with me- the DLS/IPSS? something. Recently I met her to “talk” lol. She has a new appliance she dumped me for. She never mentioned her in 4 multi-hour meetings. She also said this ditty…. ‘yes, my nephew watches my house when I have to be away’ (meaning-when she goes on trips with the new appliance) – nobody ever means much ….lol… 🙁 🙂 insanity….
Kate, Mine wouldn’t admit that he was lying to his wife! I think part of it has to do with the way they compartmentalize. Those walls are thick to keep the different parts of their lives separate so it is easier for them to deflect, deny, etc.
True to that! Mine would never admit he was cheating. He has a rank of intimate actions that constitute cheating or not cheating under his own point of view.
SP,
Exactly. Also, lying itself is ranked by how clearly the lie is articulated, which in turn depends on whether a direct question is asked and whether the narc can escape answering it.
Excel (perfect name for MRN because he is such a numbers wonk) gave me a fake first and last name but then slipped up and told me his real first name (I put the rest together myself). When I questioned him, he was like a deer in the headlights but deflected and denied that he had told me the fake first name. I asked to see some ID. He refused – what? you don’t trust me? – and would not admit to anything.
When I confronted him with his real full name, he apologized. He could not deny it because I also knew who his kids were (his and mine and I all went to the same school, which he knew from the get go because HE told me where his kids went to school).
He let me continue to think that he was divorced, but later on I made it very clear that I knew who IPPS was. Not just her name but who she was. Loonngg silence but he acted like it didn’t matter to him. I never told him I had his address until two years later when I threatened to go to his house.
It was all so stupid!!!!! I mean think about it – most people who have affairs have them with people they work with. They know where each other lives, they know the names of each other’s kids, they might even know each other’s IPPSs (if they exist).
Excel never did want to know how I found out who he was. The wound would have been too deep.
Kate … I got the « I made a mistake » so often !! Sorry I invited that woman for the weekend … I made a mistake … sorry … sometimes I screw up and make mistakes.
N: I almost called at 4 in the morning for skype ( meaning virtual sex) but I watched TV instead
N: I know I am bad, I know I am bad to you, but I am not as bad as you think
N: Where were you when I was alone those past 6 weekends …
Me: you really want the names and the insta pics?
N: It’s my fault, but not entirely my fault, I am bad but not entirely bad
N: I am busy thinking about you, sorry I don’t have time to text
N: You know I like you and I am a good guy
N: You spend most of your time upset at me, its makes me insecure
N: I need other woman because you are always upset at me , that is so irritating you can’t imagine
N: I am busy thinking about you, sorry I don’t have time to text
Classic. That cracked me up.
“I do nothing wrong.”
After repeatedly breaking my trust, likely multiple affairs and constant lies.
All time fave:
“I’m faithful.” (meaning he isn’t a cheater)
-said to me, his mistress
MMRN: Women are aroused by familial cohesion and stability, and also financial security
Me: (deadpan) Feminist much?
MMRN: No
Me:……. you really don’t understand my sarcasm huh
MMRN: …….I’m confused.
Yep. He’s confused alright. And confusing 🙄
Ha ha ha, “I’m confused” is all I got
Actual recent event
Ex’s number is blocked, I receive a text from an unknown number.
Him ; hey my person. Thinking about u. I see you called
Me; I’m sorry who is this? I dont recognize number and no name with it.
Him; it’s me…
Me: well that narrows it down, clarification please?
Him; its ( name)
Me: didnt answer.
Him: (hours later ) so why did you call me last week?
Me: obviously I didnt. I didnt recognize this number and your old number is blocked I dont even remember your old number
Him; well now you have it so now you can text like I knew u wanted to
Me well thanks but will be blocking this number as well.
Him no no please dont. I have something to tell u. Its huge. Just hold on a sec just have to do something first
Me ( no answer but amused)
5 days later
Him you know I wish u would just leave me alone. U are crazy u have to get over your obsession with me.its not healthy. You are not right in the head
Me; I’m sorry, who is this????
Him, you know who this is
Me yup now I do and blocking
Him; no wait dont ok? Just hear me out. I really need to tell u stuff. I just want to help u.
Me:
blocked number
I mean wtf?? Crazy stuff..
To exaggerate and embellish achievements
Him : I passed for my driver’s lisence (years before the legal age ) he even looked confused 🤣when he said that
Me: just look outside window ( passenger seat ) try not to laugh
To deny accountability/gaslight
The prince again ;
Me : why cheating on me with her and her and her never ending list .
Him : DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM ???
Me: his goverment name .
Him : oh wow now why you have to disrespect me and my FAMILY !! Don’t you ever talk to me again or come near my family you crossed the line this time !
Me : I don’t even want to .
Him : YOU don’t want me ?!! I’m going to be a King in my country( he just made up a whole false name ) and you better stop telling me what I can cannot do or else you won’t be able to be a good queen thousands off people will die if you keep distracting me with your foolishness .
Me : confused .
That really cracked me – when I was in University the number of « kings in their country « I met that would make me a Queen … hilarious !!!
LOL !!!
“I just wanted you to lose 20 pounds.” To justify multiple additional sexual partners, both online and in reality. “You couldn’t become what I wanted you to,” to justify the same behavior and the discard and the devaluation. “I was so stressed,” to justify all of this behavior. Literally every time I had a trip, he would make sure to cause drama so I couldn’t enjoy myself. He picked fights regularly so he could call other girls. It’s all typical stuff, literally outlined by HG in his ULN posts.
Narcs are all blustering lies and fears and rage. The greater may have the focused, targeted rage, and the mid-ranger the weepy victim rage, the lessor the unchecked and wild rage, but all of them are complete fakes. Inside is an empty, lonely child who has no control or power and who is terrified of being left. As the empath, the lover of truth, what I see is accurate and can be trusted.
Narc: Whatever. I don’t give two shits about you. Bye.
2 hours later
Narc: Why can’t you see how much I care about you? You are the only
woman who’s shown me what real love is.
Two that came to my mind. Sorry, for the long post 🙂
N returning from a business trip and asking about my evening while he was away ( he knew I was out with colleagues)
N: So what did you do ?
Me: We had a few beers, went there and there and some colleagues got high. I smoked just a bit, but did not get high at all.
N: What?? You smoked pot?
Me: Yes, but a bit, I was completely okay when I got home.
N: You’re telling me you went out with your colleagues that are apparently junkies and got high? I’ve told you so many times how worried I am when you go out and I’m not here, so how am I supposed to feel now when I go on business trips, knowing you’re doing God knows what with these thrash people.
Me: Seriously? First of all, I’m 30 years old and I can take care of myself , and second – my colleagues are not junkies or thrash. Third, as I said I was not high at all.
N: No, you’re taking drugs behind my back. You say you smoked just a bit? What if next time someone puts something in your drink and drugs you? What about if a guy takes his pants off and asks you to …. his penis just a bit? Following your logic, you’ll do it, won’t you?
Me: What??
N: This is unbelievable. I don’t know what to expect from you anymore.
Silent treatment.
Goes to the other room and ignores my talking and bewilderment.
Locks himself in the room and doesn’t let me in for hours.
2.
My heel was hurting for a few days and one day while in the shower, I noticed something black was “inside” it. I thought it was a tick. I’m going out of the bathroom and telling the N that I found something in the heel and if he’s willing to come with me to the doctor to have it removed ( I’m quite scared of doctors and hospitals and he knew that perfectly)
Me: So would you come with me now, because tomorrow is not an option, I have to work?
N: Well…. I don’t think it’s a tick. Looks like something else.
Me: Doesn’t matter what it is. It should be removed, it hurts and looks inflamed.
N: No, it looks fine, you’re exaggerating.
Me: Are you coming with me?
N: Well.. I don’t understand the urgency and moreover I don’t understand my added value of being there with you and probably having to wait for hours.
Me: Your added value? You’re my boyfriend, no? You know I’m scared of doctors.
N: Ok, then, but… I have to prepare and wash my hair and there’s not enough hot water, because you already used all of it to wash your hair. By the way since this is so urgent, why did you wash your hair?
Me: What? What does my hair have to do with this? I was already in the shower washing my hair when I saw my heel is like this.
N: Hmm…
Me: Come on, we’re not going to a bar, no one cares about your hair.
N: Yeah, right, but you washed yours and now you don’t give a damn about mine and you didn’t leave any hot water.
Me: Seriously, I can’t believe we are talking about hot water and washed hair. Your looks and comfort seem to be more important than the fact that I need you to be with me.
N: You’re insulting me, you don’t care about my feelings at all. Now you look good and your hair is not dirty as mine, and I should come with you and look like a piece of shit ??
N: Goes to the bedroom, takes his blanket and his pillow and locks himself in the living room.
He didn’t go out of the room for hours, I went to the doctor, had the thing in my heel removed and in the evening decided to go out all by myself, because I couldn’t stand his silence any longer.
I went out and he immediately started texting and accused me that I’m going out with a guy.
“Have fun with HIM, I hope he is nice to you”.
Oh my, I have so many stories like this.
Ema,
“N: Well…I don’t understand the urgency and moreover I don’t understand my added value of being there with you and probably having to wait for hours.”
This is funny…and not so funny.
But it most certainly is indicative of the way of their brain is wired and spits out a response that can be interpreted as:
“That does not compute.”
EMA
#2 Is a good example of how they will not care for you should you become ill or need care. Reminds me of HG’s article You Sicken Me. If anyone hasn’t read it – you should. Another red flag.
Yes, NA, when I first read it, it all made sense.
Twice I needed him to walk the dog in the morning, because I had the flu and couldn’t get up from bed. He generally used to be late for work every single day and these two occasions when I asked him if he could walk the dog, he said he’s going to be late for work. When I told him that he’s late for work daily, he said it’s not true.
What an ass, it’s good to remember all this bulshit and to remind ourselves why we should never go back.
“Now your hair is clean and mine is dirty”. What the actual f*%k??? They’re just the worst.
Yeah, mine was obsessed with his hair (he was longhaired) and couldn’t even go to the supermarket on a Sunday evening, without having his hair washed prior. I had to wait for him for an hour to prepare for simple grocery shopping – wash the hair, dry the hair, put on some new clothes, perfume, etc. It was ridiculous. Every time when I made comments that the whole procedure is unnecessary and nobody will pay attention to his hair, he got pissed off and gave me the silent treatment. At some point I got used to this nonsense and grandiosity, but now I’m wondering how on Earth did I put up with this bulshit.
How sad it is, that I can think of examples of him telling each of these type of lies off the top of my head. His main motivations for lying seem to be embellishment, or attacking my character.
My friends that he hates were coming to visit me and stay at our house. He gave me the silent treatment from the moment he found out they were coming. The day before their visit, I had to run a few errands, then I had planned on tidying up the house. He insisted on cleaning while I was out and didn’t leave me much to clean, although I begged him just to leave the chores to me. I knew that this was his way of building a case against, and mentally prepared for war.
When my friends arrived, he gave us all the silent treatment and was very cold and mean to them. I told them he was trying to ruin are time, and we all just needed to ignore him. We had an amazing time, while it lasted.
On the last day of their visit, the narc came home in the afternoon, wasted. He told me we needed to leave and get dog food, so I started driving him to Costco. In the car, he started screaming at me that I don’t contribute anything to our relationship, and that he may as well divorce me because he could do it all on his own and I do nothing. (Now remember this lie, because it bites him in the ass)
I refused to continue driving him to the store, and turned the car around. He screamed at me the whole way home. He decided to walk to the store and I prayed he would get arrested for being drunk in public.
I went inside to vent to my friend about what had just happened. She comforted me. She had to shower, so I went and sat in the bedroom praying he would stay away. But, when he got home he stomped upstairs and continued screaming horrible lies and not letting me get a word in (He repeated that I contribute nothing to the relationship, he said I’m a disgusting slob and he said I work 20 hours a month when I work around 30 hours a week and go to school full time.) My friends felt so uncomfortable that they left and got a hotel.
I was left alone to ruminate on his cruel words. I was in a fog, which I believe caused me to fall down the stairs and break my leg. Now, for the last 3 months, he really has had to do all the chores and be the only one working.
still with? – need to get away from that one-
“I am not breaking up with you, it only seems that way in your categories. I just never want to have sex again in my life and never want to live together with anyone — ever.”
Later: “I can’t sleep in the same room with you because of the sexual attraction, but I don’t feel it God given, so I can’t have sex with you but I also can’t be friends only with you and I also can’t sleep in a room close to your room because I would think of you all the time, but I don’t want to be close to you, and you distract me in my clear thinking and making independent judgments for myself, so I can’t stay in the same place with you as you are not my (pure) wife, ….” Aaaand so on and on.
“Noone has ever talked to me that way.”
(When I asked him in a normal way, not to use an igredient I am allergic to, which he knew, and then also declined doing the dishes all by myself, after I had already fulfilled all his “assistant’s” tasks in the kitchen, never mind I had been preparing as many food myself as he had that day AND did the shopping.).
“I should probably crack on [British for: get going/carry on what I was doing] & go out to buy some bread before the shop closes, would you leave the bed room please.” (In the middle of having sex, as in: while(!) sleeping with me.)
Later in the week, after other “incidents” like these: “you made me raise my hand / lose my temper”.
“We had only agreed on it hypothetically, I didn’t think you’d expect me to do it when I told you yes, I could do it.” (matri-narc)
“You never seemed interested in your heritage from your grandfather so we didn’t think it necessary to tell you that all his money went to us and that we’ve used it.” (matri-narc)
“I forgot to mention that I was seeing two other women regularly each week the past 6 months? Well, it hasn’t done you any harm not to know and that you’ve only had sex once a week with me, has it.” (exclusively with him, because I thought that that was what we were … …). (ex-narc-like lover).
The classic of them all: “I am just being honest. This is just the way I am, if you really like ME, for who I am, you accept me being this way.”
“We wouldn’t need to have these discussions, if you’d just be the way I want, and if you wouldn’t bring these topics up and agreed instead.”
“Now that you’re asking me when we will see each other again, it will be at least one week longer. I AM the one who decides when I want to see you.”
Etc. etc. etc., …. …. ….
ava 101: Yep. I was told “I will never, ever live with a woman or marry.”
My lesser was not very original.
geyserempath: they’re all that really original … .But did he? Because last time my ex-narc contacted me for a malign hoover, it was to tell me that he was living together with a woman who had a small child and that they were expecting a baby together.
ava101: – Nope. He lives with his NIPS and is a MLV narc. He is in no hurry to replace her.
Omg Ava these had me in stitches!
Thanks, Alexissmith2016!
A+ Ava,
Oh…my…gawd. A guy stopping in the middle of sex to say he needs to “go buy bread”? Mind blown. That there is real narcissistic commitment, dude. LOL
Reading through all of yours, the degree of the disorder that *is* narcissism cannot be underestimated.
I’m not sure if the “raise my hand” is just another expression, but I hope he didn’t hit you. 🙁
Hi Caroline-is-fine,
yes, it helps to get this craziness out of my head … no, it can’t be underestimated, though people keep doing that, or don’t understand, or find it funny when it’s outright abuse, etc., I lost a number of friends that way – – – that I tried to confide in them and they didn’t want to understand.
Narcissistic commitment … *lol* … the worst part is that I had enjoyed it very much … ;D … that was probably the reason. I really don’t know why he did it though, because it should have been in the golden period, and I hadn’t criticized him I think …
No, he raised his hand to slap me and came towards me, but didn’t then (twice).
A+ Ava~
Good! (Hands DOWN, you bastard).
That’s sad, about how some of your friends responded. When “friends” don’t even try to understand or outright laugh at your pain, that says it all. Now you know who *aren’t* true friends, which is difficult to realize, but out with the chaff! Life is too short to hang with the insincere, insensitive & shallow…
In general, many people in society don’t get narcissism. They still seem to think a narcissist is just someone who keeps looking at themselves in the mirror or is simply a loud braggart. They don’t understand the harm caused.
I really like this thread, because all the absurdity of a narcissist’s words is right here in black-and-white — it’s good to bring it to light & laugh at the parts we can.
Carry on & enjoy!;-)
Hi Caroline. I miss you.
Hi, sweet Kim! I just saw your comment on the narcissist’s bra strap stupidity…eyeroll. Yeah, I’m sure he’s seen a lot of that kind of thing — he just left out the part where the women then used their bras to tie his mouth shut. (Heh)
Hey ava101
You can write your own anthology.
You’ve got some crackers!
Hey Tappi!
Haha, maybe. Thanks!! 😉 One lifetime with matrinarc, … plus all the others …
Plus the really abusive stuff which isn’t even ridiculous anymore …
Ava,
“I am not breaking up with you, it only seems that way in your categories”
😂😂
shesaw:
right?!?!
The thing is … he actually meant what he said for once … it was a breakup for me, the formal relationship did end. That was no reason for him at all though, not to think that I belonged to him, to expect me to be faithful to him (while not having sex with him), and to give me still the illusion of him being my soul mate, and contacting me 100 times every single day (and night), and so on. He still abused me and took my sanity and all. Because at that time, I had no idea what I had gotten into and bought into his false promises, nice words and future fakes (“now that we have some distance between us, I can feel again how much I love you.”).
But yes, it’s my Nr. 1 favourite, too. 😉 Pure narc logic.
It’s like playing a board game with a child. They’re always changing the rules so they can win.
This poll has really expedited the healing process. If I ever run into him again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep a straight face.
I feel even more sad for them though😔
“It’s like playing a board game with a child. They’re always changing the rules so they can win.”
Truly awesome analogy. And reminded me of something else.
*sigh*
Oh god Nunya,
You didn’t play a board game with one of them did you?????
Something tells me the pieces would be thrown on all over the floor.
Here’s a good one, to deny accountability:
“Please forgive me for all my rudeness in the last few months it is as a result of your inability to protect us as a family from outside influences.”
That’s just weird.
Yeah.
I’ve got more; they’re just way too specific.
WhoCares
Haha. I have some that are too graphic and TMI also. Another winning thread might be: Most awkward compliment.
Go ahead we can handle it narcangel 😄
Even with pictures in hand…” Karen, that’s not me! I hope I’m not that short! My nose isn’t that big!” “I don’t have time for you. How would I find time for another woman?” “ i don’t like being accused of something I’m not guilty of.” Almost four years of constant lies and cheating.
I love the…dont excuse me of stuff I haven’t done. He’s done them all-multiple times.
Hello, H.G. Tudor.
N: Didn’t your friend come today?
Me: what friend, my friend, who are you talking about, I don’t have friends?
N: Topaz (possible ipss). Today she didn’t go to work.
Me: You know N, I care less than a pussy.
Me: silent treatment.
Tudor I think you’re making me a little narcissist. I don’t stop messaging for WhatsApp, claiming that where I was. Tomorrow more silent treatment.
N: You are a liar,
I:What, why, what are you talking about?
N:You fell in love 20 years ago and don’t tell me.
Me: Excuse me?
Me: We have a relationship of 12 years, what are you talking about?
Me: You go back to periods in which not even our relationship existed.
Me: Please, you can’t have normal arguments that don’t touch the absurd?
Me: I don’t have time for nonsense.
Me: Silent Treatment
N: you’re a whore.
The next morning.
Me: Silent Treatment
N: You’re not going to talk to me.
Me: Silent Treatment
N: What’s the matter, you’re not going to talk to me anymore or what?
Me: silent treatment
N: Are you coming to eat or not?
Me: Silent treatment
N: You could answer me, couldn’t you? At least.
Me: Silent treatment
N: Here I picked you up, a package. If you want to know where it is you will have to talk.
N: If not then nothing
N: Ciao.
(((( I: silent treatment))).
Me: why would you say something like that? (In response to any number of insults and character assassination
Him: I didn’t say that
Me, (already get worked up) : What do you mean? You just said that less than 10 seconds ago!
Him: no i didn’t, you must have misheard.
Me,( taking the bait and getting frustrated): what are you TALKING about?! I clearly heard you say that less than a minute ago!!
Let’s not forget these classics:
“It’s all your fault”
“You made me do it”
“I would have never have done that, but you pushed me to”.
Arrggggggg. There’s his penis, where’s my knife?
This is going to be awesome!! Can’t wait until I have time to read! Here’s one for now
“I want to be exclusive with you. I want to prove to you I can be faithful” that evening I find out he has a woman living with him and she thinks she’s pregnant.
Sorry Mercy, but this made me laugh. So absurd. They tell on themselves all the time with their backwards speech. Why cant we figure it out?
Caron, it makes me laugh now too. Back then, not so much.
“Is it bigger than the average?”
Ummm no, and you should take that off your dating profile. It’s very misleading.
“I can’t burp. I have no idea why.”
Probably because you still need your mommy to do it for you.
“Sexually we’re very compatible. I just don’t think we’re mentally compatible.”
Who would be mentally compatible with you????
”I can’t provide you with what you need to “conquer your demons” at this time.”
“DMX is the greatest rapper of all time.”
🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha! Such a fun poll HG! It really puts things into perspective.
“I can’t burp. I have no idea why.”
Probably because you still need your mommy to do it for you.
Hilarious!
I was giggling over the burp comment too lmaooo🤣 im not good at comebacks lol
The burping was great!! 😂 I am LOL
TwistedHeart: That was funny about the burping, and your retort exquisite.
Thanks Geyser!
He’s said a lot of stupid things… But one, that really stands out as “bizarre” must be the time our daughter (8 years at the time) came to our bedroom, after having a nightmare, and asked to sleep in our room. Of course she could… we did have “other plans” – but what you gonna do?
Well douchedad felt so hurt by me “choosing our daughter over him” that he thought it would be the perfect moment to discuss child rearing strategies with me. In particular this: “I don’t think you should show her that much love and attention all the time… She will just get so used to it, that she will grow up needy of love and searching for it anywhere 😳😳😳
I stod still… blinking a few times… wondering: what the Hell was that?
Then I said: “Oh, yeah! That’s what we usually say, when we go out for a drink, and see a sad looking woman trying to get ANY mans attention at the bar – she must have been loved too much, when she was a child”
He then snarled, mumbled and turned his back on us in bed… Tossed and turned and ended up going downstairs to sleep on the couch
Good grief!
He never said that again – as a mid range narcissist, he was well aware, that he was off the mark.
Ina. I am ROFLMAO
Narc: I don’t like the way you talk to me
Me: looking at him, in my mind, are you fucking kidding me
After numerous criticisms , right after each other, the top was 9…
Narc: why can’t you just say, yes?
Me: because they are untruths
Narc: Silence
I can check a lot of these since he is ridiculous in and of himself. Most of his ridiculousness was garden variety, nothing too-too outlandish.
To justify the narcissist’s actions – “I stopped texted you as often because I didn’t want your husband to catch on. I didn’t want you to get in trouble.” Ok, yes because somehow for the 6 weeks prior this was not a threat and texting me 24/7 was safe. Right.
To exaggerate and embellish achievements – (regarding having sex): “I have a higher sex drive than anyone I know. There will be multiple rounds and we will go all night. It’s not over until you can’t walk.” Wow I know I’m turned on now 🙄🤮
Joanne, a similar disgusting comment from mine: “I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t see straight.” Lovely. 🤢
Knock her hip out.
Yes! What every woman wants from a sexual encounter!
That’s so romantic, HG.
SP
Who reacts positively to this kind of talk?! It’s just so stupid.
Joanne, exactly. We were sexting and I shut down my computer and left him there. I felt pain just by reading it.
I can relate:
MMRN: My sex drive is really high. If I could, I’d have sex at least twice a day. With proper food and rest, I could go like five times in one day.
Me (mentally): that sounds like a painful day for my vagina. how about just some regular good multi-orgasm sex?!?
MMRN: You’ve never been so lucky, I can fuuuuuuuuuck.
Me (mentally): Um yea, but you can’t even kiss properly how are you gonna fuck me right? Confused….
MMRN (after I complained that every sext involved him pounding me): Haha, well what?, am I supposed to be gentle?
Me: Um, well yea, don’t you know at all what women want?
MMRN: Silence
MMRN (triangulating me with IPPS/pity play): Wow it’s been a long time since I went down on a woman.
Me: What?! IPPS doesn’t like it???? Or you’re not into it???
MMRN: Well, I suppose I can be into it, sometimes.
Me (mentally): well gee, now I really want to have sex with you since you hate going down…again, don’t you know what women want?!
He went on to make up some reason why his wife didn’t want him to go down on her…sorry…no woman would ever say that, it was so obviously a lie!!!!! haha
Me: I’m not that into porn these days. I prefer real people, or my imagination.
MMRN: Yea, I’d say my brain does pretty well with it, but I prefer people too
Me (so wishing I could say it out loud): HAHAHAHAHAHA, you are so porn addicted and you hate having sex with real people, you’re ridiculous right now
SDE
Your internal commentary! 😂😂
Where do they get the idea that going 5x a day is pleasurable or necessary? And the pounding? After one such conversation, I guess mine realized that I seemed horrified by it, he actually added in, “it’s not torture! Lol” Yeah well it’s not sexy, either 🤚🏼
Hmm … I prefer real people, too ;D … I’m very much ok with how most of them do sex, but that’s exactly the problem – that they’d prefer not to be intimate with a real person.
The “going down” issue is actually one thing I might truly share with the (ex-intimate-) narcs in my life.
Oh my Gawd! This just tripped ANOTHER memory for me….
(said after he made some naughty dirty sexual comment…)
“Oh my goodness, I do not know what has come over me. I am trying my best to behave but I am so easily distracted and aroused today. There must be something in the air….it must be the weather or something…”
Barf.
Out on date at a pub. I went to the loo. Came back to table and he was tongue kissing a stranger. When asked about it, his reply was “Did you see her? all fat and sweaty? yuck. She asked for a birthday kiss.”
Double-header: Triangulation mixed with fuel from both of us.
Wow! 🤦🏼♀️
Geyserempath.
I would be in jail right now for life and his penis and balls would be gone.
This is so so much fun! There we go (remember this word: “somatic”):
He: I’ll show you my new swimming trunk
Me: I like it, but, you just buy one for the whole summer? Man, I have tons of bikinis…
He: (on Facebook) “I’m showing my swimming trunk collection, one picture every day of the week.”
Me: I don’t know if you are telling other girls they are goddesses too, what about your friend Lucy? (Fake name to preserve her identity).
He: oh, she’s just my friend. Nothing at all like what I feel for you.
Me: So you were discussing polyamory on Facebook the other day …
He: yes, what a great discussion, Lucy and I agree on so many points.
Me: Please be honest, you are seeing Lucy too, aren’t you?
He: I don’t know how else to show you I feel attracted to you. It’s real, it’s not shared.
Me: well I don’t feel it that way.
He: You just want to be special #1. You can’t. I am special #1.
He: I wish you could come to visit on the beach. All my friends would think you are so gorgeous.
Me: You look really great too, but you know, that’s not really what matters. I like our connection, our conversation…
He: I am so horny now.
He: (adds me on WhatsApp) Hey, i thought we could use this to connect more privately.
Me: awesome, it was about time, I use it with everyone.
Me: (sending him a WhatsApp message): I’m gonna ask you this only once. Have you changed your mind about us? You seem distant.
He: Not at all, it’s just that I’m busy and with my family.
Me: But I don’t feel much affection in your messages now…
He: seriously, why do you contact me here?
He loves to triangulate – and as there was no real woman available when he felt the need to do it, he just invented one. A beautiful blonde woman with a perfect body who is totally in love with him. He told me that he felt only friedship for her and that she was the only person in the world to whom he could talk about his love to me. First I believed this, but than it really became a little too much: He told me he would have stayed in her house the whole night long – he together with the most beautiful woman ever, and he did not even touch her? That`s a really funny imagination. He was irritated when I told him that I know it was a lie: „How could you find out?“.
On the one hand that`s funny, but on the other hand I do not want to loose my respect for him. I still like him in a special way. But the love is gone.
I was triangulating 6 years with everyone, classmates, friends, ex, their main secondary source was a former friend of youth, also married, is addicted to married, this was my replacement, I passed a better life, in a call at two years told me they had not been anything, just friends, he was a good friend, which was a lie, was not what she told me during the dismissal, and I told him I have recorded on video coming from your I’m going to send his wife home to her, she answered, now I’m going to report you to the police and she already knows that I exist, it was a lie that I had recorded it was not true, but she believed it.
me estuvo triangulando 6 años con todo el mundo , compañeros , amigos , ex , su fuente secundaria principal era un ex-amigo de juventud , tambien casado , es adicta a los casados , este fue mi reemplazo , yo pase a mejor vida , en una llamada a los dos años me dijo que no habian sido nada , solo amigos , que era un buen amigo , cosa que era mentira , no era lo que ella me decia durante el descarte , y yo le dije lo tengo grabado en video saliendo de tu casa de madrugada se lo voy a enviar a su mujer , ella contesto , ahora si que te voy a denunciar a la policia y ella ya sabe que YO existo , era mentira que lo tenia grabado no era cierto , pero ella se lo creyo .
I have been known around here to constantly quote the stuff PB (my MMRN) has said over the years. So I am going to laugh my ass off with this one (and then promptly go cry):
I now bring you some Piano Boy (PB) classics….
Him: “Will you suffer a phone call from me today?”
Me: “Suffer? That’s pretty mean….I enjoy talking to you on the phone”
Him: “It’s an Elizabethan expression, my child. I like to theatricalize my verbiage”
Me: “Okay then!”
Him: “Do you want to talk to me or not?”
Me: “Yes. Unless you are projecting and you do not want to talk to me!”
Him: “Ooooh that is not going to work on me! I am impervious to psychological analysis, darling”
Him: “Life is pain”
Me: (later on in a future convo as I echo his sentiment) “Life is pain”
Him: “Oh my God, do not say that. It makes you sound like a professional victim!”
“You are obsessed with me. Obsessed! I could come up with 100 reasons from history that corroborate this fact.”
“You are getting too close to me. Again. And I am getting uncomfortable. Again. Balance and patience okay? We can do this.”
“Of course I love and want you. But sexuality is my weakness. You can love and want something even though it can be bad for you. An example is drugs. Cocaine anyone?”
“You focus way too much on what I say and do. And I will admit that I can be contradictory at times so please do not bother pointing that out”
“No one in this world, including you, will ever make me leave my wife. I love her, she is the one for me and I want no other. I will NEVER leave her. EVER!”
“It is frustrating feeling when you feel completely UNSATISFIED with the one you truly love. It is a feeling that comes and goes for me”
“Please, I do not need to hear an encyclopedia of how much you love me or whatever your feelings are about me. I have heard it 1000 times”
“Just because I do not feel as strongly for you as you do for me does not mean I do not feel….something….for you.”
“What do you want me to say that has not already been said? I am sorry okay? What more do you want? What more can I say? Nothing! That’s what! Now….if you would calm down we can have a phone call later…..how does that sound?”
“When you asked me how many people I cheated with before I met you….take that number that I gave you and multiply it by 20…”
“We are where we are in life kiddo and that is just the way it is”
“I love you the way I love you”
Geeze that one’s a real winner!
Yep. And yet here I am….STILL missing him. 🙁
FFFTS
You are doing great. Give yourself some credit even thru the tears
FF On the Shelf – I think we dated the same narc!
“We are just where we should be” (relationship-wise) which was nowhere.
On FB, after he friended 20 new females he didn’t know within two days, I mentioned one “That’s obsession. I will not be told what I can and can’t do online or watch what I do. We’re just friends.”
Geyser Empath….(I still love that screen name by the way…)
I have lost count of the number of people here who have told me that we were with the same Narc! I cannot recall if it was you but there was someone here who their Narc was a musician too. It is all so eerie and uncanny!
“We’re just friends” – hahahaha! Yeah he said that about me too but he said “Moving forward this will be platonic”. Ummm yeah okay….we had way too much sex for it to be platonic but whatever!
He is/was such a contradiction factory!
“You focus way too much on what I say and do. And I will admit that I can be contradictory at times so please do not bother pointing that out”
Well, if you’re not supposed to pay attention to what they say….or what they do…..what the hell is left!!! haha
“When you asked me how many people I cheated with before I met you….take that number that I gave you and multiply it by 20…”
This one is rough FFOTS…just rough. He has a lot of sex for a cerebral?
Supernova DE,
Yeah, he does. I know he is not really victim nor elite. At first I guessed Somatic but the intelligence level and overall oddity pointed to cerebral. But the “sex addiction” leans more toward somatic. Who knows. He definitely fits the MMRN profile though….maybe UMRN but the article HG wrote had the MMRN description almost down to a T!
I had the impression of somatic from what you’ve said as well. I don’t remember what all you’ve said about him, but from what my impression they are not all exceptional in the grooming or fitness to be somatic. They can have a very “I accept and love and admire my body” aura without those things.
As famous examples, I would consider Jeremy Piven or Casey Affleck that way. I find Jeremy Piven very offputting, he doesn’t strike me as cerebral at all.
I could be wrong about those things, but that is what it looks like to me.
Lol HG, I will break my NC and read our chathistory to dig for some gold tonight!
Only allowed if that ET is under control. How long since any form of engagement with said narcissist?
Estimated 4-5 months and perfectly fine. Tx for your concern. No worries though. Its over over and he’s miles away.
Well, I definitely shed some tears reading back.
Emotions, not emotional thinking. To have empathy for someone with a mental illness is not the same as inviting them back in your life. I didn’t expect to experience this deep sadness again. But it’s good to know it’s there. Consoling, in a strange way. I looked back and found that I am able to deal with sadness.
But let’s shift from sadness to fun.
Some anecdotal comedy 🙂 :
I found him active on a dating site, after he confessed being married, wanting me to wait for him. He had put ‘single and looking for marriage’. I was ‘surprised 😈’. He pretended it meant nothing.
– Me: Single and looking for marriage???! Wtf??
– Him: You know my situation. Be realistic please.
Topic: him ghosting during a conversation.
– Me: Can’t you just tell me when you will be away?
– Him: I only come. I never go.
After the 99th effort to make things work:
– Him: I better kill my heart to release you out of suffering. I believe I suffer more then you.
Life is a tragedy in close-up but a comedy in the long shot (that was Charlie Chaplin)
Looking at our chat history occurred to me as well but I don’t want to go there. It’s been 11 months now for me and mine is also miles away. I have also read over our chat history once with no reaction, just to make sure I wasn’t as crazy as I remembered being. But I am worried I will get buried in it – go down the rabbit hole – if I read it again. He mostly only exists for me now when I am on this site.
I understand that very well too, SMH. Some prefer leaving things behind, some need to revisit the past several times to reasses.
For me the experience was quite emotional. I realised once again why I loved this man. I saw him try and not try, gaslight, turn things around, being silent, etc. And I saw I did everything to make it work. I saw myself losing faith. It was hard to read.
But time puts things in perspective. I am no longer there. I learnt a lot, moved on, read 1000s of pages and talked for hours since it al started. We develop. I found that I could handle the sadness.
Grieving is a messy process and its different for everyone. I feel like I took a big step forward now, but I realise that tomorrow can be totally different. But I will handle that too.
After giving me the silent treatment for close to a month, he then later on after we were talking again denied it ever happened. I commented something about not wanting him to shut me off again and he said “that never happened. I have always been here for you.” 🙄
That never happened
,
I heard this one alot!!!
Oh yes, a thousand times.
Also: “I don’t remember” (having said that, having done that, …).
From co-workers, parents, siblings, ex-boyfriends, friends, …
***
Like, a girl I went to school with had a party once, and I lost my ring there n her house, my American friend had given me as a Christmas present. Noone else had such a ring.
2 days later she came to school wearing my ring, denied it was mine or that she had ever seen it on me — AND then said, she had found it. In her house. So it was hers. I can’t believe it till this day and I can’t explain why I didn’t take it from her.
That is a fun one ! Can’t wait to read all those ridiculous statements!
One I had one day by Narc 2 to triangulate … “ it can’t be suzie that was with me , she does not drink Rose” … :)))
I think the most ridiculous tho by far is from my narc mother and her gaslighting/revision of history. I will say white she will say black. When shes in a antagonist mood it doesnt matter what i say she will dispute it and say the most silliest not true things to create conflict aka negative fuel! The most annoying is when im recounting a past event and something very personal to me alone and she will say either it didnt happen or it happened the polar opposite and in most cases she wasnt even there! Like when i was sexually abused or attacked she supposedly knew what happened yet it happened to me and she wasnt there. She loves to do this in front of other people at get togethers to discredit me and have me back down which i dont i stand my ground and make her look…ridiculous! Its unfortunate tho bc it makes it aekward afterwards which im sure she wanted to sabatoge the gathering.
I think some of the most ridiculous comments by the narc is when he has tried to triangulate me with other women.
He will comment on their fashion sense or gingerly comment on a physical attribute being careful not to be too obvious. Ill either flat out ignore the comment or ill play along and commend the said person on whats been mentioned which deflates his intention 😄 i do see a pattern to this and why it occurs usually insecurity on his part or im not giving him something he wants.
CM
This was a favorite of mine too 🙄
Chihuahuamum: Mine flirted every time we went out together. When not tonguing strangers, he would comment to me about how this one must work out as she was buff and how another one had great tits.
Hi geyserempath…im sorry yoir narc openly flirted that would be so hurtful. My narc hasnt done this but when its just the two of us he will talk about other women in a covert triangulation way.
Chihuahuamum,
When I was a “candidate” I never noticed him looking at anyone else or talking about anyone else. But now that I am sipss he makes little quips. Like I just got a new tattoo and where it is makes it very difficult for my bra strap to lay. The other morning I was told “well when you get to work just work your arms out and pull it thru your sleeve like I have seen so many others do.” (when he got to seen so many others do, he started whispering like his brain said SHIT what am I saying? I cant stop myself)
I just look at him and do not acknowledge
My narc mother in law….she always has to have accolades and praise to a fault. She will buy a gift then wait for praise if its not enough she will start making ridiculous comments about how she searched for days and did 10 returns and how it just wasnt right so went back. This goes on until shes thanked profusely for her over and beyond efforts at the perfect gift. Its so obvious shes begging for praise and attention. I do know where it stems from sadly but it comes off ridiculous and i cant help to leave the room rolling my eyes.
Early on at the beginning of the relationship the narc said hed be going away for a few days over christmas which was fine but i suspect he went nowhere bc he was online a lot. He had told me hed not be online much but was plainly there. Id sent him msgs bc we couldnt talk due to privacy reasons and he waited long intervals to reply but knew i could see him on messenger. I now know this was intentional to create insecurity in order to control me. I see it so clearly now but back then i was so incredibly emotional over it and confused. It got to the point i sent him a msg while he was on and freaked out and told him he was lying blah blah and wouldnt you know …he replied and what was his response…”what? Whats wrong hunny?” ….duhhhh!! Mind games thats what it was. We didnt talk for a week and even in his apology he word saladed and gaslite his way to distract from the questions i had over him being online so much while being at his familys house and why he wasnt replying to me til hours later.
All of them and for all the reasons you mentioned.
MRNs I have dealt with seem to assume that trying to gaslight others by making nonsensical statements equals being clever and that other people are too stupid to notice. I have witnessed narcissists doing this to other narcissists too.
There are narc workers and employees who frequently take days off sick a day before or after a holiday, on a Monday or on a Friday with ridiculous excuses. They do not sound sick on the phone.
OMG. There is zero point me actually voting as I’ve had all of them used against me at some point or another. I’ve just sat back wracking my brains for the funniest examples rather than the very bad ones as, you know, we all need a giggle!
One particular narc springs rapidly to the fore front of my mind. This guy was extremely intelligent, very VERY quirky and an utter loon. I was also very much in love with him. The operative word being ‘was’. He didn’t hurt me nor did he devalue me. We barely had a cross word and he would regularly have me in stitches. He disengaged right before I came across HG’s work.
For context he was involved in re-enactment. Looking back – I think he was making a lot of what he was saying up. But at the time, I believed him.
He’s managed to get himself ‘worked up’ whilst working at a public event. He sneaks off, so he says, for an intimate moment. Except, he can’t get a ‘happy ending’ as he’s due back ‘on’ in five minutes and he can’t fit his ‘appendage’ back into his codpiece. Honestly, when I got that message through I collapsed laughing. In fact, I am STILL laughing now. Especially when he added, ‘There! It’s back in now but I’m going to be walking like John Wayne!!. You are in SO much trouble!’.
Later on, he ‘sneaks off’ again but this time into a toilet. He’s camping and as he’s camping, someone comes in and starts doing the washing up. ‘Grr!!! Someones come in! I’ve well and truly edged myself!!’. By now I am in utter hysterics.
If we were out with mutual friends in public, I will inveigle the conversation back to the said cod-piece and inquire innocently, ‘So, cod-pieces then? Do they come in different sizes?’
He was a fucking riot. One afternoon when on the phone he tried to convince me that he is actually a Northerner, like I am. ‘Darling’ says I, ‘Why do you think that?’
‘I once ate a pie in a Manchester pub’
Other memorable occasions was hearing him converse in cat speak with his four. That he is Scottish (he wasn’t but I have Scottish roots), that he was descended from royalty. That he disarmed his first wife (who naturally had BPD) with the tube of a vacuum cleaner when she went at him with a knife. That his ‘wedding’ to the second cost 30K (it didn’t, he pulled in a mega-fuck ton of favours but that’s not what the newspaper article said – he did admit this one as I said 30k!!!! You HAVE to be kidding me??).
His armour was custom made and would have been very expensive. He then said ‘How much???’ to me whilst talking about lingerie I had just bought. Of course I rounded on him and said, Err hello?? Armour???
He inspired lots of writing in me and I guess he became a bit of a muse. He used to read my writing with interest and make some good and constructive comments. That however did not stop him one day telling me (about some piece or another) – Yeah, that’s really good. When’s the next one due? I have to have something to read whilst I’m sat on the toilet! What. A. Cock.
Another guy. Not a line par see but I STRONGLY suspect that he had ‘stolen valour’. A crime in the states I believe.
PN tried very hard to convince me he could lecture at undergraduate level in Thermodynamics. No sweetheart, understanding how a Carnot engine works does not mean you could explain entropy to a bunch of Natural Science students.
Even the other day. Someone knocked on my door. I didn’t open it as I was in a ‘state of undress’. This disembodied voice floated towards me – ‘I’ve been told you are Portuguese? Do you speak Portuguese as I have a woman on the phone and I can’t understand her.’ A random statement to say the very least.
I told someone about this and again we collapsed into hysterics. The only word I know is ‘obrigado’ which means, thank you. He said to me, you should have taken the call and to every sentence just said ‘obrigado’. Like a kind of reverse Manuel in Fawlty Towers (this may not mean anything to people who are not from the UK)
Thanks for this HG, I haven’t stopped laughing now for well over an hour!
This poll has been the highlight of my week. I’m not getting any work done. I can’t stop laughing. HG you should publish a coffee table book “Ridiculous Things Narcs Say.”
Me neither, Twisted Heart, and was thinking the same thing. ;D
I’m in a professional conference, stop it!!!! I’m laughing so hard, can’t catch up with everything. This poll is the bomb!!!
I need to go no contact. It’s too much!
I fell and injured my shoulder.
Narc: How does it feel?
Me: Ok (what’s the point in complaining? there will be no sympathy)
Later on
Me in obvious pain. Narc Silent Treatment.
Me: What’s the silent treatment for now?
Narc: You’re a LIAR.
Me: What did I lie about?
Narc: You said you were ok when I asked how your shoulder was. Just
go away.
Me: You want me to go away? Ok.
I walk away.
Later on
Narc: You know I love you. I have always loved you. I always will.
Next Day: Silent Treatment.
Smdh
Hi kelly…my heads spinning reading that! Hes all over the place! Talk about kicking a person when theyre down🙄
This one might be my favourite. “You’re a LIAR. Just go away.”
Ridiculous statements
It’s your fault i got pulled over and went to jail. If i had not been rushing to meet you i would not have been driving drunk.
You made that typo on purpose to make me look stupid
You wrecked your car on purpose to try and kill me.
When i tell him he is devaluing me his usual ridiculous response is “quit calling me names you stupid bitch!”
Keep in mind he is by no means stupid. He knows i didn’t call him a name.
Oh god your crying again! Wow your ridiculous. No one is doing anything to you .
N at the beginning of the relation : I am so happy you are French – it adds so much to our relationship. I am so happy you are from another country – it’s amazing ( he did not have a passport)
N in devaluation : your father is French , he does not speak English that is a problem in our relationship . – You are not from my country, how are you gonna vote intelligently ?
Oh well- I guess it’s a good thing I found out his cheating before giving up my job and my country !
Oh..dear…Jenna; I would feel sick too.
I chose them all except to exaggerate achievements bc he never boasts about what hes done in life. That in itself seems incredulous seeing hes a narcissist but true. I do think he lacks a lot of confidence and is why his npd puts up a sheild of a facade.
The narc has made many ridiculous comments ill have to think on and share. Looking forward to others!
Many are in relation to trump. He looks up to him like a father. He has said people refer to him as “daddy”….sounds so lame 😄 sorry in advance to any trump supporters.
Another one is how he is so concerned with englands liberalism and how hed like to torch all the muslims…as he sits safely behind a computer screen. Its easy to talk the talk but hes never put any real action towards the change in the world hed like to see. I refer to positive change not torching muslims.
My friend on a dating app
Asked to see a photo of a guy who had been showing an interest in her (from what she told me, he had a lot of N traits)
He didn’t send, his response.
“Oh you won’t be disappointed with me”
They eventually met. She was more than disappointed!
A work colleague N had been attempting to complete a project but was failing miserably and I was asked to share the burden.
During the handover, I was asking some questions to clarify what needed to be done.
His response, “you see, this is why I was asked to do it, because nobody else is capable”.
Nope, you weren’t asked, I was there, you offered.
It was not difficult and I made sure I completed it to a high standard and in super fast time!
What a fun poll!
Narc: I am nothing but I can be anything
Me: what does that mean?
Narc: silence
Narc: I have no emotions
Me: since when?
Narc: I don’t know
Me: you don’t know since when? Like did you have them 5 yrs ago?
Narc: I don’t know
Narc: silence
Narc: Did you talk to Lisa today?
Narc: lisa lisa lisa lisa
Me: uhhh…
Me: don’t worry it’l be ok
Narc: youuu don’t have to tell me
Me: I was just trying to make you feel better
Narc: angry
Me thinking: wth?
Me: why are you being so mean?
Narc: you made me do it. It is all your actions that makes me do it. You fight, I fight. You be nice, I be nice. So be nice forever or say goodbye forever. I don’t have time for this.
Me: (sad)
Me: why did you do that?! (Multiple sex partners)
Narc: I can do whatever I want
Me (another time): why did you do that?! (multiple sex partners)
Narc: I didn’t do it
Me (another time): why did you do that?! (multiple sex partners)
Narc: you made me do it
Oh god I feel sick.
Jenna i have heard those too. I relate
Jenna, I almost die of a laugh attack at the airport: “I’m nothing but I can be anything.” WTF HAHAHA.
Heart breaking Sweet Perfection. Because some narcs can be amazing. Yours is not however.
Hope you are ok?
Lol im nothing but i can be anything…sounds like a quote from a procastinator 🤣
I really think we dated the same guy Jenna! Hahahah! They’re so unoriginal.
Twisted…as HG has said, what works, works. They will repeat ad infinitum. Tossers.
At least codpiece was original. It’s the funniest word I’ve ever heard.
Maddox, SweetP, TwistedHeart, Chihuahuamum,
Glad I could make you laugh! (SweetP watch it there in public lol!)
I don’t know which one of these to comment on! I am finding each and every one so absolutely ridiculous and omg this is so fun – making fun of them like this! It truly feels like a united tudorite team against ‘them’/hg’s brethren lol!
I get the I can do whatever I want frequently or I don’t have to answer to you.
This after 10 yrs together, married 8. Had everything in place to leave, but nooo, have to have major surgery instead, so I’m stuck for longer. Ughhh. Should be fun, everyone knows how great narcs are when you’re having health issues. He’s already started his pattern of shit just in time for the upcoming surgery.
Potential to be the longest thread yet. Where to start………
(Said loudly and forcefully but with complete bewilderment)
“So you’re saying you want to be your own person?!!”
Um……yes. Parasitic twin is a kind offer but strangely does not hold the appeal you’d think it would.
(With nary a hint of humour and with conviction)
“I think you’ll find that time will reveal that I descend from royalty”
No time required. One can ascertain immediately that you are a royal idiot.
(With superiority and digust)
“I don’t know why you love that ugly tree. What does it DO?
It produces oxygen that allows people to say stupid things. (Actual answer to my mother in law).
Oh dear…the compartment is open now. I might be back with more.…
HAhaha these are hilarious NA. I agree a great thread! I can’t wait to read them all
Lol NA! Love the ugly tree one…
Please do- come back with more I mean.
Where to start indeed.
Here’s one
‘I’m not on Facebook. Unless someone else made an account for me.’ This is over 10 years ago when fakebooks privacy settings weren’t so crash hot. I saw it. I laughed in his face.
It appears to be a common thing to say by narcs- I have a few familial narcs who insist they/we are descended from royalty. What a crock of shit! More laughter from me.
Keep em coming NarcAngel, I began trawling my memories but it’s giving me the shits so I’m going to stop. The past needs to stay dead for me- for the moment.
I ticked all the boxes
I UTTERLY agree NA. I think this one may top ‘A Stolen Love’.
I’ve just read this;
“I think you’ll find that time will reveal that I descend from royalty”
No time required. One can ascertain immediately that you are a royal idiot.
I. Can’t Stop. Laughing!
If ‘K’ is about then maybe she can tell us which piece had the most comments ever?
We should use that as the yardstick. And smash it.
Renarde
I think these are the top three threads. Stolen Love has 675 comments presently.
1. About, 1,102 comments.
2. A Very Royal Narcissist, 922 comments.
3. Questioning Me, 920 comments.
Renarde
this is the link for About if you want to check it out.
https://narcsite.com/about/comment-page-1/#comments
Your responses are the best though!
NA, this is magnificent. I don’t know if what I found more hilarious, the narc’s silly statements or your commentaries.
Haha, I love the tree one, too. Esp. your answer. It’s like “a tree makes dirt”. Or my mother asking “why do people go dancing at festivals, I can move like that, too.”
NarcAngel
Like! (my like button won’t work). Your responses to: descend from royalty and why you love that ugly tree are a riot!
One of the most ridiculous was “What if I get a 16yo pregnant? It could happen. I have an impregnation fetish.” He said it while I was pregnant. So triangulation.
What! Omg! I can’t believe he actually said that!
That’s awful. I kind of want to have him on a room alone. Ten minutes it woukd take before I’d have him crying like a baby.
Please tell us you got out AND kicked him to the kerb where he rightly belongs? X
Thank you SO much Renarde.
I have done crazy things to him. Like when he told me to move out (pretend discard), I got all my stuff removed from the apartment that same day, which included the bed he slept on and the fridge, and I left all his food on the bench top to spoil.
So when he got home from work he had no bed and no fridge.
He phoned me a week later wanting to be together.
I have done other things too. But then I feel like a bully. Because he goes from that powerful abuser to the insecure person he is on the inside.
I should send him a video I have of me on the boat of a much better looking narcissist. He hated it if another guy even looked at me.
When I was briefly with a MMRN, her dog was attacked by another dog. This part was confirmed because I saw the scar on the dog. The narc part is the MMRN told me that a month after the incident, she was able to track down the attacking dog to an animal shelter by scouring Facebook pictures for all the animal shelters in the city. Mind you, this is a city of 500,000+ people. The MMRN then went to the animal shelter and found out the shelter was going to give the dog to a family with young kids. After the MMRN told the animal shelter about the incident, the shelter then asked the MMRN what should be done with the animal. When the MMRN gave her response, the animal shelter admired her compassion for advocating against putting the dog down while also saving the family with young kids. The MMRN then told me that since the animal shelter was so reckless, she was going to stop donating money to them.
The cherry on top was when the MMRN told me how her family felt no sympathy for her over the incident, and the MMRN had to move because her dog was so traumatized. The incident upset her so much that she had ready made excuses for not seeing me because she didn’t want me to see her crying all the time. One glorious story where she was the hero/victim, rolled out those pity plays to get tons of fuel, and then shelve me without the risk of losing me because of course I bought every word hook, line, and sinker.
OMG- this is hilarious! I can’t even remember specific details but mine had her share of doozies! I found it amazing that beyond all the bullshit manipulation and lying about the relationship they had the time and energy to go through these elaborate Carnival games ? that’s all I can think of calling them…Like stories that go nowhere or don’t make sense or just come out of nowhere but they have bits and pieces of truth it seems so you’re like is this true ? False? is it partially true? This is the kind of stuff I was like I cannot go into my old age with this person… This dog story I was laughing with tears coming down my face and some others on here too-
God bless all of you!
PS love your name “better call HG”
Rich….vengence masqueraded as a hero saving the family from a visvious dog. Id put money on it the whole story was just that…a story to mask and heal inner wounding from the incident. Im sure she loved pretending this really happened getting back at the so called dog.
Narcissist: “Mmmooooooo!”
Me: “What is *WRONG* with you?!! Their next-door, elderly friend was found dead this morning! The ambulance just left…have some god-damn respect…”
Yep.
He mooo’d…loudly…like a cow, as acquaintances walked by our property (so it was within earshot of them) and AFTER I had already given him a heads up of what had happened. To triangulate and provoke me into lashing out at him…this was close to the end…when I was hardly speaking to him.
Talk about being hard up for fuel.
Fuck they’re so weird. This is the best. Some humour to keep things light.
Agreed, Twisted Heart. This is an awesome poll choice by HG; perfect to chase the winter blues away!
To justify the narcissist’s actions
Such a idiot it was , The Prince
he really believes he is an descendant of a Royal familiy and his fascination of Machiavelli did help a lot I guess .
All mentioned on this list by the way with other narcsissist .
Funnily enough, I have a copy of The Prince by Machiavelli on my writing desk.
Heaven knows I’ve tried. I mean REALLY tried to understand that cunt.
Word salad. Very difficult to read. Almost impossible.
Rens opinion? A twat. A prized one at that. That’s Machiavelli but I daresay yours is very similiar.
HAHAHA it truly is hard to understand .
I think for Empaths even more.
I understood it kind off I just don’t believe i’m capable to actually adjust it and i’m really not into politics . It goes the same with 48 laws of power The Art of War I just rather read PLATO Socrates 😂
“I hope you have come away from this with more than you had when you started with me.”
” I just needed to provide better boundaries. They must be clear to you…literal…emotional.”
Done With It…
I heard “you need to be rid of me” all the time….
Pity plays to the extreme! 😑