A Bad Man Doing A Good Job

 

A BAD MAN DOING A GOOD JOB

 

I am regarded as a bad person. In fact, bad would be considered somewhat mild and I have been on the receiving end of epitaphs of “evil”, “satanic”, “malevolent” and “hell’s representative on earth”. None of those labels have bothered me in the slightest. Is that because they are true and I am content to acknowledge what my behaviour amounts to? Perhaps. The greater truth is that they were all delivered coated in emotion, dripping with fuel and the person hurling what they perceived as an insult at me was doing quite the contrary. They thought they were striking me down, belittling me and hurting me when they were just making me all the more powerful. But they were not to know this were they? Very, very few people actually understand why my kind behave as we do. Oh those who have the misfortune (their word) to entangle with my kind know all about our behaviours. They will sit you down and spend all day cataloguing every despicable deed, each aggressive act and all those malicious moments as if they were reading from a diary. That is how etched on people’s minds we become, how we infect their hearts and poison their souls. I know because I know what I do. I know because you show me how it affects you and you certainly do plenty of telling me (as well as anybody else who listens) because that is how embedded we become. We appear coruscating and shining and then we maim, cripple and injure. You know better than anybody else how it affects you but you rarely understand. How could you? You have no idea who you are dealing with. We do not appear with the letter N branded on our foreheads as a warning (although I suspect even if we did some people would still fall prey to us). You do not know what has wrapped its tendrils around you and you cannot be expected to know. It is not your fault although we will spend all of the devaluation and beyond telling you that it is. Those of our kind do think everything is your fault. They are programmed to think nothing else. I am worse. I know it is not your fault but the maintenance of blame is key to the upholding of control and the continuance of my dominance and therefore I will readily apply that which I know to be false in order to achieve what must be achieved. Again, you would not know this and whether you have become entangled with a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater of our kind you become ensconced in trying to make us see, make us understand and achieve some kind of breakthrough. It is nigh on impossible. The Lesser is not programmed to accept it. You are trying to put a video cassette in a Blue-Ray player. It just will not operate. The Mid-Range must apply fault because he knows it provides him with a defence. The Greater of us understand what you are saying and know you are right but we will not accept it because we must remain superior.

Those you turn to for assistance do not understand either. Well-meaning family and friends struggle enormously to grasp what has happened. This is because they cannot comprehend someone can actually behave that way and it becomes easier to think you are the one with the problem, that you are over-tired, stressed (hell of course you are because we made you that way) and you are imagining things, mis-remembering and so forth. They do not want to become involved because that means trying to fathom it out and it is too hard. It also means shattering the façade we have created and it is so much easier to keep it intact and point to exhaustion/drink/drugs/hysteria and so on than grapple with understanding there is such a thing as a narcissist who love-bombs then abuses in the blink of an eye? Even those who do try to understand become jaded with the unrelenting news feed of abhorrent aberrations that you detail on a daily basis. Plus, people are ultimately too wrapped up in their own lives. Who would credit it? Selfishness from us and from them keeps you trapped.

Professionals offer some insight in varying degrees although few have actually experienced it and it is only those who have done so who can truly relate the full horror and the unrivalled brain-mashing, mindfuckery, soul-destroying rollercoaster ride of being entangled with us. Seeing is believing. The absence of truly experiencing what it means to be ensnared by us means that explanations fall victim to conjecture, theory and speculation.

This is where my good job arises. I am a bad man but I am doing a good, not a great job, by conveying to you why we do as we do, why we say as we say and allowing you to take on board this information and applying it as you see fit. This is not done as an altruistic act; such a concept is anathema to me. I have my own agenda and my own aims to achieve as a consequence of this sharing of knowledge. It also appeals to my malevolent outlook by empowering you, those who have suffered with our kind for so long, with the knowledge and tools to fight back. It entertains me to think that the provision of my information is causing consternation and mayhem amongst our kind as you, the empathic victims move on, fight back and progress. I owe my brethren no loyalty. It is one for one and damn the all. My methods are my methods are my methods. The useful consequence of my actions however is that finally you start to gain understanding. You realise what makes us tick. You finally realise that we operate to our own reality and our own logic. You realise how we see things and therefore it finally makes sense even though it does not make sense – if you see what I mean.

You grasp that it was an illusion. You understand it is lie upon lie upon lie. You realise why that was said, this was done and why it keeps on continuing. It still makes no sense to you from your perspective but then you begin to realise why to us it makes sense and that is why we do it. You understand that it is not about winning the battle but never fighting the battle to begin with because the odds are always in our favour. We make the rules, choose the rules, break the rules and remove the rules. It still takes time for it all to filter through and click into place but when it does – well, the effect is significant. The phrases you have heard so many times take on a new meaning. The actions which left you bewildered, hurt and confused now only hurt. You understand why we want you mired in emotion. It still takes you time to plough through that emotional sea but at least you now realise why you were thrown into it. Myths are dispelled, incorrect assumptions are crushed and you are given the very thing by which we operate and by which we succeed – cool, hard logic.

There is so much to convey to you. So much to detail from how we come into being, what we are trying to achieve, what we are seeking to keep at bay, why we keep doing what we do, why change doesn’t happen, why we choose you, why we never let go and so much more. All of it will be provided to you. It is brutal, it hurts and it is uncomfortable but then haven’t you had enough of the sugar-coated crap? Now it is time to swallow the harsh truth because that is what will ultimately set you free, that and your application of it to your own circumstances.

So, this is what I do. I write. I detail. I convey. I illuminate. You can keep seeing me as evil, bad and hellish. By all means, that is your choice, but I know you understand, at least most of you do, that this bad man is doing a good job. If you keep reading, keep asking and keep digesting, you will achieve your desired outcome.

All the errors, mistakes and failures you have committed and experienced can now be consigned to history as you embark on a different chapter towards your eventual freedom. No longer will you be hindered my misunderstanding, hampered by confusion and mired in the wrong answers. For too long you have been led up the garden path, taken in circles and made the wrong decisions based on erroneous understandings. That was because you didn’t have me. After all, it takes a wrong doer to show you that you are doing wrong.

29 thoughts on “A Bad Man Doing A Good Job

  1. Sniglet says:

    You do bite. You eat souls in small bites! 🙂

  2. Kiki says:

    Dear HG

    You are not a bad man but a wonderful teacher you show us the way and we have to be brave and follow it.
    Since reading here and listening to you I have come to sense the narcs in my world.
    I no longer pine for the ex Narc , I accepted what he is ,it was hard but everything you said rang true.
    I can now almost smell a narc , and try my best to behave accordingly.
    This means less angst ,less investment and not taking these people personally which has helped my emotional and mental health.
    I’m still vulnerable but I have tools I never had thanks to you HG.
    Your work here is amazing .
    You are the real deal !

    Kiki

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  3. Stephanie says:

    HG, I think you are doing an outstanding job, rather than a ‘good’ one. I have often tried to find the nerve to ask you why you devote so much of your time to work with such a seemingly altruistic purpose.
    Although you indicate that your intention is a self-serving one, from my perspective your actions and their outcomes are a great comfort to a whole lot of people in pain. That makes you ( at least in this arena) a good man in my book.

    Thank you for your work, and all the time you put in to these articles- they’ve made a big difference in my well-being.

  4. princesssuperempath says:

    Dearest HG: I watched the mid ranger stare at me puzzled, when I stopped fretting over his various silent treatments. I noticed the mid ranger stare at me oddly, when I started ignoring his triangulations. I noticed him staring at me mysteriously, when I started giving short answers to his text hoovers. I noticed that he watched me carefully, as I distanced myself from his flying monkeys and lieutenants. What he does not realize of late, regarding my changed behaviour, is, all the time that he thought he was staring at me, he was actually staring at You, HG.

    1. amanda SNapchat says:

      wow brilliant!

  5. Narc noob says:

    Is it not GREAT because the job of the GEN feels better than this? Just clarifying

  6. Narc noob says:

    I must ask. Why not a great job, why just good, (this time)? I think my logical thinking is playing up.

    I’m happy I didn’t go asking my Ns for answers that I needed, happy to get the correct answers here instead! 👍

  7. poitiersdoe says:

    xxx

  8. poitiersdoe says:

    Gracias a sus escritos encontré la solución. Sabía que era algo aparte de dinero y comodidad , pero no sabía distinguirlo.
    Después de leerle, ahí estaba COMBUSTIBLE.
    Mil veces gracias, entendí y ahora el poder lo tengo yo, CONTACTO CERO o PIEDRA GRIS.
    CAMBIAR DE GRADO EN LA ESTANTERÍA, ES OTRA MUY BUENA OPCIÓN SI ES QUE ESTAS CAPACITADO.
    Para mí fuiste un maestro.

  9. amanda SNapchat says:

    I think that parts of your text that have helped me the most are:
    -understanding dynamics of being IPSS (other sources to not talk about that.)
    -knowing how to manage the smear campaign (again other sources do not tell you how to overcome it.)
    -Understanding the narc’s thought dynamics (so many things are not worth the time to discuss with narcs because their goals are different. We want a resolution. Narcs want fuel.

    I was talking with my BF and I realized that non-empaths have different thought process. I recently suffered a smear campaign. My guy basically recommend I do the tactics you recommended for the smear campaign: “focus on the people who support you. do not waste energy on the turncoats, i.e.,The people wh betrayed you…” I think as an empath we want to keep all our bonds, all our friendships. So it becomes so hard to realize that we lost trusted friends and we get stuck there. Non empaths and narcs are more practical in that sense. I think their attitude is more like: “meh, fuck it. Let’s focus on the people that are on our side”

    I am reading over and over certain parts of your text to really hone it in.

    Good wriitng. Keep building your empire!

    1. Amanda: I like this that you said: “I think as an empath we want to keep all our bonds, all our friendships. So it becomes so hard to realize that we lost trusted friends and we get stuck there.“ For me I will substitute, so painful to realize for your, “so hard to realize.“ It is so painful for me to lose friends to all this. I am going through that right now. It is so very painful. Collateral Damage.

      1. amanda SNapchat says:

        Yes. You are right. It is painful and hard to realize. I think it becomes painful when you suddenly see that the friend was not strong enough to be loyal to you. Despite all the time and things you built together. They betrayed you and sided with the narc.

        You are very right. It is very painful to realize :'(
        Thanksfor sharing

  10. Bibi says:

    It’s better than being bad and doing a bad job. I don’t think you’re a horrible person, but then again. I have only seen your wise, humorous, insightful side. The mean parts you describe in your articles are reminders. You do an excellent job of educating. It’s like a little sword and shield you’ve given me.

    1. Bibi says:

      Just to add–I was thinking of this article as I went grocery shopping. (I am prepping to grill a really large, beautiful yellow bell pepper this afternoon, lol.)

      But it is interesting that you only merely use the word ‘good’ to describe your contribution. Who then would be great? Are there other narc sites that give good insights? Sure. Are they as comprehensive and giving a microscopic view as you do? No. Do they write as well with essays littered with as many insights? Not from what I have seen.

      Dr. Sam has his contributions of course, but unless one enjoys stale, flat writing (and at times anomic–it sometimes seems like he is only writing for himself) he is going to bore. You can have all the great ideas in the world but if you can’t convey yourself artfully and relateably, you will lose your audience.

      (Is relateably even a word? Yes, I will make it so.)

      You are such an achiever, HG. Even by your own standards, you don’t seem to ever be enough. (I too can personally relate to this, and it is something I work on tirelessly.)

      So you’re doing more than a ‘good job’.

  11. I used to check my phone for his texts…now I check my iPad for your blogs and my mail for your books! You have enlightened me and kept me strong enough to avoid contact with him for six weeks now. With such a long road ahead of me, I’m grateful I won’t be on this journey alone. I am truly thankful for you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’re seizing the power

    2. Claire says:

      Good to hear Karen!

  12. Michelle says:

    Between reading this site and my own experience dating a narcissist, I find my view of humanity changing significantly. Maybe I’m becoming cynical — who knows — but it is becoming apparent to me that many people have very different aims in life than I do, and that I am right to be much more guarded in who I trust and who I let close to me.

    That there is a significant number of people whose emotional palette is restricted to rage, jealousy, and the thrill of power is very enlightening. As a very empathic person it’s easy to assume that everyone feels emotions like fear, vulnerability, and the warmth of intimacy. I’m increasingly recognizing a spectrum of ruthlessness beneath the surface of other people, ruthlessness that I literally cannot emulate. It’s interesting that one of the questions on almost any narcissism questionnaire is whether or not you think you’re special or different. I *am* different — I am very high in empathic qualities which can be the equivalent of bringing a knife to a gun fight when faced with those who can ruthlessly climb their way to the top. Assuming that these traits do not exist in others is a grave error.

    I have concluded that narcissism is essentially a misplaced sense of one’s moral reference point. Typical people acknowledge some kind of moral reference point outside themselves — God, altruism, something like that. For narcissists, depending on where they fall on the spectrum, their moral reference point is completely or mostly their own well-being. If it benefits them, it is good; if it does not, it is bad. It is the ultimate moral relativism, essentially making oneself God. Typical people are willing to disadvantage themselves in service of being moral relative to someone or something else. Narcissists are not. And quite frankly, I think that narcissism is much more common in this regard than any of us would like to think.

  13. Supernova DE says:

    Just THIS – “All the errors, mistakes and failures you have committed and experienced can now be consigned to history as you embark on a different chapter towards your eventual freedom.” !!!!!

    All the times I blamed myself, scrutinized every word of a conversation, tried to assess if my expectations were really so out of line with reality…all resolved because of HG.

    This last fuck up of mine when I broke NC…I can see it as a blip, not a failure, and the block button is so easy to hit now.

  14. Claire says:

    I know several (more than two!) blatantly narcissistic psychiatrists very well who don’t know what they are who thrive labeling and admonishing others. (Generally demeaning borderline women—easy targets..)
    Never mind their affairs, pompous acts that are hurtful, etc. People look the other way.. One got his lovely car keyed by a “borderline!” (She indeed was but it was well deserved.) You are incredibly gifted—and what good is a gift if you keep it boxed up? Your better deeds outweigh the bad. We all do things for our own aims that appear good at times. You are no exception.

  15. katebd19 says:

    HG, your education has saved me (I have a long way to go) and I guess you have saved so many other empaths victims of your kind. You know who you are and your dynamic (although you are trying to control it), but to me you are doing good. Now it makes sense even though it doesn’t make sense, as you say. At least, now I know. Of course you must have your reasons for helping us, but you know, fine to me because it is a win-win situation. Thanks!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  16. Ina Risa says:

    And I thank you – for a job well done. Your writings has been the most informative, matter of fact, comprehensive information I have found. Devoid of sappy affirmations and “I hear/see you”
    This has led to a series of “A-ha” and “Oh, so that’s why” moments for me… Without being set back by emotions and trigggers.
    Not that I don’t enjoy my emotions… But there is a time and place for everything – and learning about narcissist behaviour (and how to act/counteract) is the wrong time for deep emotions.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good. You are welcome.

  17. .💜. says:

    Thank you, HG! You are so doing a very good job! Thank you!❤

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      1. Mariza says:

        I really do not onderstand, why the narcissist in my life trying to bring me down by saying bad things to me like, that i am ugly, fat, dumb, and lazy. And on the other hand, stalking me day in and day out. Why I am so interesting for hij? If he is saying he never want a relationship with me?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are interesting because you provide fuel. He also, unconsciously, feels a need to punish you.

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