The Narcissist Manipulates : Planned Fuel Acquisition




It was a beautiful evening for a walk. A walk along the quayside. Plenty of other pedestrians enjoying the still warm evening air, the bars that line the historic cobbled riverside busy with noise and activity. We hadn’t reached that stage of the evening. We had not yet sat beside the smooth waters of the river and ordered drinks as we talked and watched. We had not reached that favoured bar. In fact, it was the bar that we had first met in some fifteen months ago and now here we are over a year later and the throes of the despicable devaluation surging around you, although you have yet to understand what it signifies. This evening though is meant to be some respite from the machinations and manipulations, a return to the golden period, so long as you behave and comply.

I watch you stumble on the cobbles. Your choice of heels (my choice of heels as I directed earlier what you should wear) is elegant and fashionable but ill-suited for venturing across this section of the quayside. I of course suggested that we should take a taxi to the bar direct (at least this is what I will say during the post mortem which will invariably arise) and then walk a different way, but you wanted to promenade along this particular section and look what has happened.

I watch you stumble, ankle twisting as the sharp stiletto heel slides, like a young fawn’s spindly leg on the smooth stone, polished like ice by the passage of so many booted feet. Your left leg shoots out as down you go, unable to maintain your balance. I have not reacted quick enough to grab hold of you as you stumble despite being stood close to you. I was distracted by somebody passing who happened to smile at me and furnish me with a dollop of fuel. I will, as I so often do, revise history to explain I was further away than you thought and therefore unable to prevent your ungracious fall.

I watch you stumble as your right knee strikes the cobble and you give a sudden cry of pain. The twist of your ankle and the laceration of your knee both causing you hurt. I stare at your features, twisted in pain, mouth open and eyes starting to well with tears no doubt driven by a combination of injury and embarrassment. I feel the first surge. It leaps inside of me as the contempt soars. Look at you, useless and pathetic, slipping over the cobbles in those stupid heels, a testament to your vanity. Why am I with someone this clumsy? But is not these thoughts alone which drive this contempt. No, it is the fact that the emotion which is now etched across your face, the twisted pain, has been caused by something other than me. Such wasted emotion. The watering eyes, the cry, the anguished features. Ordinarily I would be the catalyst for this but I am not and this irritates me. You are so pointless you cannot even get upset in the right way.

I hear someone give a short gasp and realise that others have witnessed your tumble. The façade! The façade! I ought to do something in front of this gaggle of strangers. I look at you as your almond eyes turn to look at me. I know I should feel concern for you at your mishap. I know I should care that you have slipped and hurt yourself but other than the contempt I do not feel anything. There is nothing there to propel me into assisting you, no innate desire to act. It would be instinctive for others who are not me, but I am me and therefore I must assess and evaluate before I decide what should happen next. I know I should be reaching down to you, lifting you up and making suitably concerned noises as I reach for a handkerchief to apply to your bloodied knee. I feel no compulsion whatsoever to do so. Why should I help you? Will it profit me? Perhaps it will but I know there is a chance for fresh, delicious negative fuel first. The situation has been assessed and my response has been determined.

I watch your eyes alight on me and then it happens. The flames leap as I see that the physical hurt has now been joined by your emotional injury as you give me a puzzled and then hurt look at my failure to act. There it is. That is what I wanted. Your emotional attention as the surge of contempt becomes mixed with the rising sense of power as your response at my inaction fuels me. Your irritated hurt has been caused by me and thus the fuel flows. That is good. I let it hit me, racing upwards, my eyes still fixed on yours as those blue eyes shift from hurt to puzzlement at my continued hesitation. This remains good. How long can I hold this for? The fuel flows but I am mindful of the façade. A damsel is in distress and needs a knight and no interlopers shall be allowed here. No crusading passer-by shall intervene and steal my scene.

In the corner of my eye I see a gentleman move forward making to help. Not today sir, not today! I burst into life and dart to you.

“Goodness me, are you alright?” I ask as my hands take your arm.

“Is she okay?” asks the man who is still pressing his claim.

“She will be, I will help here,” I answer turning to him and flashing a short smile at him. The teeth have been bared pal, the smile is there but the stare says back off, not that you can see my hostility to this intervening hero. He gives an uncertain nod and moves away. Message received and understood.

I help you to the nearby bench and produce my handkerchief with a flourish, dabbing at your bloodied knee as you wince slightly. I continue with soothing noises since a couple of people continue to look. I turn and see the two women smile in reassurance at my chivalrous action and the fuel is gratefully received.

“That hurt,” you say softly. I see the two women move away.

“It was your own stupid fault, “I hiss quietly. I catch your hurt gaze and drink up your reaction as more fuel is provided.

Observe. Assess. Evaluate. Act. Fuel.

This is our world. This is our perspective.

The repeated reward of fuel has been obtained.

And all of this was done in just ten heartbeats.

92 thoughts on “The Narcissist Manipulates : Planned Fuel Acquisition

  1. Gina says:

    Thank you for this! Please continue to write posts like this that help us understand what it is like to not be emotionally connected.

    1. princesssuperempath says:

      Gina. So true. Too much emotion is like hysteria. By looking at the other spectrum, I am learning to temper my emotions more with logic. To become more balanced, to survive and even thrive more successfully in this world filled with so many types of people, and to stop projecting myself on others, and to observe others more carefully, by their behavior, and by taking even more time to evaluate people on their own merits.

  2. FYC says:

    When one of these types of articles are posted, I feel dread and trepidation. I read on anyway, knowing I will feel pain, sadness and a strong urge to come to the rescue of the abused. The reason I read on is, without these brutally honest accounts I would never have become enlightened as to the thought processes and behavior of the narcissist.
    With this, one cannot remain confused. With honesty, denial is pierced. Painful truth is extracted. False hope is extinguished. And there can be no doubt left that we all need to keep a safe distance or GOSO.

  3. marinathemermaid3 says:

    Thanks for your reply. To continue your analogy, if I got chemo I’d probably be in the bathroom throwing up, rather than saying, gee that was really enjoyable and I can’t wait for the next one. That’s how I feel after reading some of H.G.s posts. Sickened.

  4. marinathemermaid3 says:

    I understand how a lot of us admire H.G. and the knowledge he is imparting. But I have a problem with a lot of you “empaths ” turning the empathy off when reading one of his posts about his cruelty. There have been quite a few psychological experiments done on empathy and interestingly enough, a highly empathic individual can and will turn the empathy off in certain circumstances. One of the primary circumstances is that of authority and also group pressure, such as say Nazi Germany.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Where’s the evidence of people turning off their empathy when reading particular posts?

      1. Maddox says:

        Sir she is referencing lack of empath for your victims as evidenced on the post in some threads. Nosy. Apologies

      2. Narc noob says:

        K, can you provide links and comments here, please? 😁

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do your own dirty work!

          1. Narc noob says:

            I think there is evidence of people slapping you on the back and seemingly taking the narcs perspective rather then their instinctive empathetic tendency to feel the victims plight. I alluded to K as she does a fine job at finding such things.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are incorrect. They do not take my perspective at all.

          3. Supernova DE says:

            Narc Noob,
            I think you are confusing people here trying to understand and ACCEPT HG’s perspective (because this acceptance leads to knowledge that you cannot change it and you need to GOSO), with people “slapping him on the back.”

        2. NarcAngel says:

          Narc Noob
          It doesn’t work like that.

          1. Narc noob says:

            Hi NA, thanks for that however I was commenting in jest. My latest comment to HG should explain what I meant.

        3. K says:

          Narc noob
          Ha ha ha…this thread is getting interesting. There are no links here regarding turning off one’s empathy while reading an article but, in order to truly understand another’s POV, it helps when you set aside your emotions and POV and focus on listening to the other person’s narrative. When you have a chance Google perspective-taking, that should explain it better. It is a very useful skill to possess.

    2. WhoCares says:


      Of course, there are examples of empaths ‘turning off empathy’ reading his posts. It is called called “temporarily suspending judgement” to gain a better understanding. It’s not a permanent condition.

    3. Getting There says:

      That is a good overall question in general. Nazi Germany is a great example of where empathy was turned off in many, but thankfully, not all cases. There is a show in the US called “What Would You Do” and it sees how people will react to different situations. There are some willing to step up and say something or do something to help; there are others who do nothing but later comment that they thought it was wrong.
      I can’t speak for anyone else on this site. For myself, I haven’t turned off empathy while reading what he has done. I understand I have limits in what I can do; and reading about someone I don’t know from a situation from who knows when lends to very little I can do. Do I yell at HG and tell him he is a schmuck? No because he knows it and my words have no meaning. In the same day, it doesn’t take away from me gratitude for all the help he has given. What he has provided helps me move forward and then I can use my time, effort, brain power, feelings for others, to include helping others, and not exclusively on the ones who abuse it.

    4. Maddox says:

      I see comments that state it is felt that your reason for writing this blog may not be to help empaths. One statement advised it was irrelevant what your reasons are.
      I disagree. I think it’s possibly very relevant. I don’t trust a narc. If my narc is talking he is lying. He never shus up. He says it’s a game for him. To see how far he can take it.
      I have had moment’s i wondered if some parts of what you write has the intent to further confuse and and upset an empath. I am very aware you could probably sell an icecream to an eskimo.
      So for me…it matters why you do this. I am a firm believer in respecting the nature of the beast .
      If a snake slither in and tells you they are poisonous observe do not pet. You will get bit. Recognize that your playing with fire. Respect what you are and watch closely and at a safe distance

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Hello Maddox,

        1. I admit what I am. Unlike those who operate supposed support groups where Mid Range Narcissists exist.
        2. I have explained in the past why I do what I do.

        3. I do not do this for empaths, but empaths benefit as a collateral consequence.

        4. For reasons explained many times, there is a different dynamic which operates here which means it is a safe environment. I am not a stupid man and it is far more in my interests to operate a professional, leading and effective site.
        5. Please provide evidence of information that misleads empaths in an intentional way. Whilst you are looking, mind how you go with regards to the expressions of resonance people detail, their thanks and gratitude and the testimnomials!

        1. Maddox says:

          1. I admit what I am. Unlike those who operate supposed support groups where Mid Range Narcissists exist.
          2. I have explained in the past why I do what I do.

          3. I do not do this for empaths, but empaths benefit as a collateral consequence.

          4. For reasons explained many times, there is a different dynamic which operates here which means it is a safe environment. I am not a stupid man and it is far more in my interests to operate a professional, leading and effective site.
          5. Please provide evidence of information that misleads empaths in an intentional way. Whilst you are looking, mind how you go with regards to the expressions of resonance people detail, their thanks and gratitude and the testimnomials!

          1. Agreed. You admit what you are.
          2. I understand you have explained your motives here.
          3. I understand it has never been the goal to benefit the empath. It’s a side effect.
          4. No you are very far from stupid i agree. Yes i understand why you think it’s safe. There is danger to the mind. Danger to many injured and even broken minds as a result of severe psychological abuse. Vulnerable and scared looking to you for salvation. You have, in my Estimation suceeded in running an effective site. Yes you have offered a great deal revealing the narc mind. The narc mind is not well. The anti-social personality views are not accurate. If they were the carnage would not exist in their wake.
          5. The selfish perspective. It seemed to me a typical narc attitude and attempt to convince the reader that the narc is some .how wronged. Wronged if accountablity is excepted. Wronged if we do not react according to your wishes. In many statements you clearly view the empath less than, weak and you seem to think it’ improbable for an we are your equal intellectually. I don’t agree but i think that you are gifted with the ability to convince empaths to accept your reality. I appreciated your point about wallowing in our self pity. I agree. I just don’t agree with your view on all things. It is possible your not correct on all topics narc and empath.
          Thank you Sir

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I see no attempt to convince the reader that the narc is wronged. I see what the narc believes from his perspective. We can do whatever we like with that information. Some will simply marvel that the disorder results in this type of thinking that is foreign to an empath, some will be absolved of the guilt of thinking they had done something wrong or not tried hard enough in the relationship once they understand the mindset they were working against, others still, the futility of continuing. And yes, there are those who will read it as having some ill intention. All valid but different reactions.The information is simply given and the interpretation and what we do with it is up to us. I do not allow anyone to decide how intelligent I am, narc or otherwise. I take the information that is helpful to me and leave the rest, but I am not able to do that unless it is offered in the first place. This blog is a case where I see a narcissist affording me the intelligence to read what is offered and determine for myself, not convince me. Something I have not always been afforded by others, including other empaths.

          2. Maddox says:

            Narc angel
            Thx very much. I do understand what you explained. I am in an argument daily that is very similiar in which he twists and turns things to his advantage. Where he is he victim. He has been an angel and so on. I am very distrustful. I am trying to escape….. I used to get so confused. I began accepting his version of things and i deteriorated badly. I am struggling. Thank you for not attacking me or bullying me or trying to make me feel stupid. I feel that way often enough and tired. Thx very much. You and some of the others have been a light in the dark in my world.

        2. Maddox says:

          Additionally i do feel bad for my narc. I do see his perspectice. I can’t help but love the son of a bitch, but i will not bend to his false reality that he has smacked me then strips me of everything and he is the victim. No sir. That is wrong. He is a victim but not mine. Compassion he has. But it’s not ok to be abused.

      2. princesssuperempath says:

        Maddox: Everything that H.G. Tudor has said is true to my case. His predictions have also come to pass. I was even Hoovered twice already: I would never have believed it, in my case, since Silent Treatment was going on, etc, etc. etc. I even stopped a Silent Treatment by gracefully ignoring it like HG tells us to do. I was practically at death’s door. I almost walked into a red light with traffic, intentionally/not intentionally. I could go on and on. I am better now. I read a lot on this site before I ever posted on here. ~~~~The subscribers largely are incredibly intelligent, worldly and sophisticated, as well as humorous, on this site. They, and even I have enough experience on this planet to know whether or not we are being hoodwinked or are consuming snake oil. I have seen, I have read, and I have heard many discussions on Narcissism out and about. But, not to the depth and thought and intensity that HG Tudor puts into his analysis and explanations and his work. I could go on an on, but I will go back to my regularly scheduled program of reading HG Tudor`s insight and council. ~~~~However, I am curious as to what or whom you propose is a better solution than our communications with HG Tudor. I am impressed with solutions. If you are wary of him, I am sure your hair constantly catches on fire with most “experts“ out there. I rather an admitted Narcissist also tells me what it is like to be a Narcissist, and not just hear empaths tells me what it is like to be a Narcissist (since most narc experts claim to be empaths). ~~Just like I would prefer to tell someone what it’s like to be me, rather than for another person to tell someone what it is like to be me. The person could perhaps portray some parts of my personality correctly, but I could do a more indepth job of describing myself. If what I said about myself went against what you perceive, you are entitled to your perception, but I still would correct you, if I saw fit. Or, if I felt like doing so. In the end, it will always be an individual’s choice on whom or what to believe. I find H. G. Tudor to be exceptionally believable, from my experience on how life works and how people behave, including myself, on this planet.

        1. Maddox says:

          Mr Tudor is i agree gives sound advice. Yes this is a group of intelligent people that have been brought here as a result of being hoodwinked as by narcs. So to say that we would all know if we were being offered snake oil is inaccurate. We a have been tricked Before or wec would not be here. Everything does not have to be one or the polar opposite. Meaning just because i say i don’t agree with one post does not mean i think the same of all his posts. I’m simply saying i am cautious and always will be as all of us should. Wev would not follow blindly. He offers solutions or i would not bother. We can disagree with some things. If we all agreed with every word and followed blindly it would be borderline cult. I’m just not a yes man

          1. Maddox. I knew you would say that. There are worlds of conversations in some of your statements. However, I perceive that you are not giving many of us subscribers enough credit, while giving yourself an abundance of credit, and especially not giving HG Tudor the credit he has earned, is earning and deserves, even through your back handed compliments, for your own reasons of argument, which are remarkably unclear to me. Straw Man arguments do come immediately to my mind when reading your posts. Like this quick definition from wikipedia: “A straw man is a form of argument and an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of refuting an opponent’s argument, while actually refuting an argument that was not presented by that opponent. One who engages in this fallacy is said to be “attacking a straw man.”“ Maddox, nevertheless, I stand by the totality of my statement above regarding H.G. Tudor. And I hope you have felled your straw man.

        2. Maddox says:

          You knew that i world say what? Which statement are you referencing? I understand the concept of the strawman although i am not very intelligent. However i am the one that presented the argument. I was not refuting one. I voiced my opinion to Mr. Tudor. He answered. He was not being attacked. I actually respect him very much. It is because i respect him that i choose to be so direct. Otherwise i would be lying and insulting his intelligence by being fake. I by no means give myself credit for anything nor take from why of you. I expect you to question rather than be mindless zombies. I am the one tho lacks intelligence. Proof of that is i am left shaking my head wondering how my view that the narc isn’t the victim and disagreeing with Mr .Tudor is somehow an insult to the subscribers? As i said. Due to having my head bashed in with a tire iron things are harder for me to process. So maybe more was read into what i had to say than is there . either way i feel bullied. I will not be bullied into accepting your view. I say again i respect Mr. Tudor and his subscribers. It can be implied otherwise which is an interesting tactic but it won’t change how i feel.

          1. Maddox. That was a lot. I see more straw man arguments escalating in your post, but I will not argue all that today. What view are you referencing? Also, do you feel I bullied you? If so, I do not mean to. I have never ever been called a bully. So, I sort of like being called a bully, if you are including me, or only referring to me. It would not hurt my feelings, but I will not develop that side of myself if I can help it. At this point, I am not exactly sure what we are arguing about, actually. I guess I got lost somewhere in all this, which is a sign to me that all this is not productive in some way. However, I do feel myself obtaining negative fuel. Yum! But, since I do not plan to add that to my diet as of yet, I will stop here.

          2. Oracle says:

            Thx for your response. I did not wish to ignore you. I respectfully decline to continue this thread. We are not going to see eye to eye. Maybe i don’t understand. Chalk it up to that. Thx the time you took to try and discuss it with me.

    5. Sarah says:

      Marina, I think it is completely understandable that you would be feeling unwell when having chemotherapy, but underneath that is the knowledge that if the treatment works you would be cancer-free. My focus is the greater good. You wouldn’t accept chemotherapy unless you had cancer. I wouldn’t choose to read about the misfortune of others unless I could learn from it myself.

  5. Supernova DE says:

    HG These types of writings (this one and Not Tonight Caroline etc.) are helpful and so interesting, to see what goes on in your mind and how you decide which course of action to take! I hope there are more coming!….and maybe some of the same thing from midrange narc’s perspective?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Keep reading Supernova DE – a MR perspective article will be spawned in a few hours.

      1. Supernova DE says:

        oooooooo the anticipation!
        Ha, you know I read everything HG! (usually twice, or three times…..)

        1. marinathemermaid3 says:

          But how can you possibly enjoy this if you are in fact an empath? Don’t you feel sorry for these women?

          1. Sarah says:

            Hi Marina,

            I completely understand your enquiries with regard to how Empaths can comfortably digest HG’s materials, and I would like to share my thoughts on this one with you.

            For me, HG’s intent in posting his life experiences and insights is of critical importance in my constructive processing of his materials. HG shares his work with a clear and transparent intent to encourage us to leave relationships that are destructive to our health and well-being. I genuinely believe this is in the best interests of his readers. HG’s personal reasons for deciding to do this are interesting, however irrelevant to me. I won’t take personal responsibility for the decisions he makes in his own life or his treatment of other people. Healthy boundaries around this are a noteworthy part of me maintaining a connection with narcsite.
            HG is a very polite, generous and thoughtful moderator of comments on the blog. In this forum his treatment of victims and commitment to providing free insights and advice is commendable. His work is unique and of an exceptional quality and standard and it keeps me safe in both thought and action.
            I am here to learn and this blog is like medicine for me. Chemotherapy wouldn’t be your first choice, but if it cures the cancer one must focus on the prime aim rather than the residual effects.
            Thanks for listening.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Very well put.

          3. Supernova DE says:

            I do not “enjoy” hearing about HG hurting someone.
            I do not “enjoy” being hurt by a narc.
            I do , in fact, ENJOY the knowledge imparted by HG as to the specifics of the dynamic between narc and empath. I enjoy applying his real-life examples to my own experiences in order to decrease my confusion and get a better hold over my emotional thinking. I enjoy learning about all types of narcs from HG, as my romantic entanglement was with MMRN, but I have both lessers and other mid rangers in my life as part of my family. I enjoy all of this, and yes I anticipate new information, because in the long run, it helps protect me from being hurt in the way HG describes, and also helps me to impart the same knowledge to other people I care about.
            If HG did not write about his hurtful actions, he would still do them. We just wouldn’t gain the benefit of learning from him. Those are the facts. So, yes, I enjoy HG and this blog immensely.

          4. marinathemermaid3 says:

            To go with your anaolgy, if I got chemo I’d probably be in the bathroom throwing up, not saying how enjoyable it was and I can’t wait for the next one.

          5. Supernova DE says:

            The point is that yes, you are in the bathroom vomiting, but you are also trying to pick yourself up off the bathroom floor and move on, so that you are not stuck there with your head in the toilet for the rest of your life…..

  6. Beauty says:

    Hlw hg Tudor your all work is one of the most genius work ever. Since I’m reading all of your blogs but there are like lots of people’s like me who want their narcissist for their rest of the life after they’ve done whatsoever. I’m dealing with a greater narcissist and however I love him so much and I want him as my husband. He said he don’t want to marry me and he have girlfriends. But I want to marry him because I love him more than anything in the world. I don’t think about what will he do how will he abuse me I can take any thing for him. Since he lives another town and I live another town. So we contact with each other only over divices. He is not a rich man however he sometimes ask me to give him money and things. But now he put me on shelf because by uouy discription it’s match perfectly that I’m kept on shelf. We have minimal contact. How can I make him marry me? Please can write about this? Is there any way to make him marry me?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Beauty and thank you for your kind and accurate comments about my work. Your emotional thinking is leading you into dangerous territory. There is much you need to understand and apply and I advocate you organise an audio consultation with me.

    2. marinathemermaid3 says:

      Geeze Beauty. Get over it.

      1. E&L says:

        Empathy? Where did you go?

        1. WhoCares says:


          Perfect, E&L.

          1. E&L says:

            Thanks, In adult speak…Fuck that noise. Talk about supporting Beauty. I’d jump into HG’s arms before I’d bare my sorrows to someone who says GET OVER IT! Yuck!

        2. K says:

          Ha ha ha…looks like someone turned her empathy switch off really fast.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Indeed K – both comments contradict the other and are rather provocative – to say the least…

          2. K says:

            Things that make you go hmmmm….a little Volte Face action, perhaps.

          3. E&L says:

            K, Sometimes commenting with a visceral response is not especially productive, but combatting dismissive language on a sight promoting understanding of the destructive narcissistic dynamic is prudent. Besides, Beauty wrote to HG who, as usual, responded with poise and grace that emotional vomiting pollutes.

          4. K says:

            That came right out of left field and I was a bit confused by that u-turn, to say the least.

          5. WhoCares says:


            Maybe the switch is broken.

        3. WhoCares says:


          “GET OVER IT!”….I know, right. And it was said practically in the same breath.

      2. Mercy says:

        Marinathemermaid3, I was going to respond to your earlier post about how an empath can turn off their empathy. I see from your comment to Beauty you don’t need an explanation.

        As far as what HG has written, I can separate my emotions in order to learn. HGs victims are characters in my mind. If I allow myself to become angry or hurt it takes away the meaning of his work. It has also allows meto strengthen my logical thinking and now I can apply that to my situation. It is because of his examples that I am able to look at the abuse done to me with logic, not pain.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed and the way I have written these articles AND the information contained in them is designed to help. I move in mysterious ways and often do so without explaining it, otherwise it will not work. Does that mean I have to put up with inaccurate allegations from people, it certainly does (not you Mercy) but when you are a pioneer nobody said it was a smooth ride.

          1. princesssuperempath says:

            Dearest HG. After dealing with a gang of Narcissists the past 3 years, I too have learned to move swiftly when my boundaries are being crossed, either through their actions or there allegations. I have noticed they will not love me if I do, or if I do not maintain my boundaries, the double bind, but I will not let them freely disrespect me, whether or not they are being intentional about it.

          2. Mercy says:

            HG, your patience is commendable. You put up with alot from us moody empaths!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you Mercy. Apparently it is tough at the top, unless you’re me.

          4. Mercy says:

            HG, haha you make it look easy.

          5. WhoCares says:


            “…when you are a pioneer nobody said it was a smooth ride.”

            Is this you exhibiting humility? Cause if so; someone needs to frame that, and quick.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha no. Quite the opposite and the truth.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        I understand because I would have said that once (and did), but my education and understanding here through HG and the commenters now has me saying: How can we help you get over it?

        1. Mercy says:

          NA, you have education and understanding with a little sarcastic wit. It’s much appreciated.

  7. Maddox says:

    Mr. Tudor,
    I go straight to the heart of things. I used to dance around a thing for fear of hurting feelings. I have learned in recent years, that this is insulting. I’m being fake. So when i ask this, i would rather be honest and show respect than be fake and dance around it.
    Do you like yourself?
    Do you love yourself?

    Doing something like this post depicts would make me not like myself very much. I found myself sad for her…and you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fell free to be direct, it gives me less to read!

      I have an excellent conceit of myself, thank you. I cannot love myself, I do not know how to love, however this is not a problem for me.

      1. Maddox says:

        I’m glad. I picture you at war within yourself. Im glad your content

    2. marinathemermaid3 says:

      Right there with you Maddox.

      1. Maddox says:

        I feel bad for Mr. Tudor as well as his victims. I see him as broken too. Although I’m sure he does not see that at all. (No offense Sir) from what i have learned, psychopaths are not all completely devoid of feeling. Most do have feeling although very blunted. I tend to just say what I’m thinking which might be perceived as an attack. I have gotten to old to play those games i guess. 😉

        1. Maddox. I perceive Narcissists have feelings including feelings of : Injury, pride, rage, fury, humor, need, admiration, protective, desire, longing, hope, competitive, hate, patience depression, despondency, hopelessness, joy, love, etc. etc…..why do people say they do not have feelings? They may not Direct or Apply these feelings in the way their partner does or desires. To me, it seems we all live on certain fairy tales in our minds: from happily ever after, to, I will just see what happens. So various fairy tales collide. Different moral viewpoints collide. Different goals collide. Different needs collide. However, feeling are involved in all of this, by all parties involved.

          1. Maddox says:


          2. Whitney says:

            I agree princesssuperempath. We are all human with flesh, blood, a complex and malleable brain, and emotion. We are not so different from each other.

  8. katebd19 says:

    What a practical example of the insight of 10 heartbeats of narc behavior. Very educative, HG, as always.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  9. princesssuperempath says:

    Dearest HG: You were almost caught out there by tertiary sources! `The façade! The façade` LOL!!!!

    1. DEMBunny says:

      Yes! I laughed. What a good pointer for me- to look for moments like that when they remember they’re being watched

  10. marinathemermaid3 says:

    Honesty I don’t know how or why these women tolerate your treatment even for 10 heartbeats.

    1. princesssuperempath says:

      MarinaTheMermaid3. One has to be lovebombed by one of the very best, to understand. The narc I entangled myself with has `Dove’s` eyes. And he was covert. And covertly somatic. He snuck up on you. Your guard would be down. He downplayed his looks that he works so hard on (you later discover he works out for hours, 6 days a week) I did not really notice how good looking he was in the beginning. He has great charm. He alway told me that I could tell him anything. I had lots to tell. He looked at you as if he could see your DNA itself, and he approved of every iota of it. His body language was intense and yet appropriate. He would touch you as he talked to you, when he was enthused about something. As if he did not notice he was touching you. His body temperature seemed a little hotter than usual. He did not wear cologne. So when he was close to you, he stirred up your hormones by his natural male scent. He dressed modestly and carried himself modestly although he was 6 feet 2+ inches tall. He could walk through a crowd invisible at that height. He would single you out in a cluster of women to ask you something, and tell them he would bring you right back. No matter what you said, he would not interrupt. He laughed at your jokes. He never talked to you like other men did. He never cursed. He was polite. He has a beautiful body. And extra long eyelashes on an almost non-distinct face. A covert face. Your guard would not be up to suspect that harmless face. He has an actor’s face. He could put any expression in the world on that face. The exact expression you wanted whenever you saw or spoke to him. ~~~~So, Marina, the devaluation does not start until the target crosses some line of attachment that the Narcissists has drawn. For some women, the attachment is swift, for some it takes time. I crossed the line. Plus, although they mirror you and you project unto them, we actually had a lot in common. I like sports, the outdoors, dining, travel, dance (he once danced professionally) I am learning how to dance, working out, music (I am open to all kinds of music, but no real preference). He has all kinds of music and preferences. And then he mirrored me, and how I dress and how I treat people. I liked that, at the time. I loved watching him grow in prestige where I work. He is talented in his work. We do not see the line, but we cross it. And then, we take it, little by little until something happens. ~~~~ For me, it was the Silent Treatment and all of its various manifestations. I have no idea why it hurt me so much. It almost killed me. The Silent Treatment. The indifference. The short sentences. Never catching his eye anymore, or rarely. It really hurt me. It did not make me want to chase him. I asked him about it once. And never asked about it again, since he did not really answer me. I wanted the lovebombing back. But, every now and then I was tossed a crumb. Not my preferred meal. Different things bother different people in different degrees. It is a process, Marina. Nobody willingly wants to put up with a bunch of crap. I broke. I am dis-engaging. ~~~~I hope you understand a little more now why some of us put up with so much. We are not foolish, or retarded. We just became overwhelmed by a certain or certain individuals. Everyone can not lure us to be treated like this. My mantra is, Never Again. We do/did happen to like certain things about the person, perhaps some things that the person does not even know about themselves. Nevertheless, I tolerated much more than what I put on here. That is how much I loved the lovebombing. My Golden period. But it is gone. And, enough is enough.

      1. J.G THE ONE says:

        princesssuperempath …
        so true, I read your comment and really brought to my memory many things.
        I am with you, zero contact the only solution.
        They are not normal, but neither are we, and this must be accepted.
        They will not belong to us, but as you well say, we will never belong to them again (because now we are the ones who decide and not them.)
        When you understand that your hook and your anxiety is produced by certain hormonal chemicals that your brain secretes because of your addiction to your narcissist. You’ll see that it’s just a dependency, just like any other drug. And like any drug, you have to stay away and out of contact with the cause, our narcissists.
        It is better to live in peace and without dependence, than to live with that embracing fire, hell the hell in life. And you know it…
        If you think otherwise, it is because of his emotional thought, which he must take and tame because if you fall into it, you will never stop falling, again and again, into that hell. This emotional thought is the stone we stumble upon in the middle of the road.
        In my opinion the emotional thought is much more dangerous than the narcissist himself. Since this stone, the emotional thought, goes unnoticed quite easily and makes us fall again and again.
        The good thing about it is that this emotional thought is ours, and therefore we can tame it. And this is our job.
        It is our competence, our responsibility and our commitment.
        In short, at some point we crossed the line and now we have to leave with work and effort.
        Whoever said that life was easy, they told us so and we believed it. But this is the pure reality…

        1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

          Yes. Breaking an addiciton.

  11. Rose says:

    Have a good day hope hg tudor.. recently I’ve found your blog and you are just wonderful i’ve read all of your posts. I’m so devastated now I’m dealing with my narcissist now. He is a good match by your description that he is a greater narcissist. He was devaluing me since long time we have a long distance relationship. Though we interact with each other over phone or text in whatsapp. But 24 days ago I’ve told him to block me because if he didn’t block me I’ll keep call him constantly he was saying me he don’t like me because I call him or text him constantly. Ive told him that day several times to block me and he blocked me. I was so sad and crying so that I keep him texting constantly begging him crying him and much more saying I was wrong I’m sorry please forgive me. After that he did talking with me but he didn’t unblock me on whatsapp but we have minimal interaction over phone. After 3-4 days later he blocked me from his mobile number too. But I was able to texting him. He didn’t replied any of my texts. I was not able to call him. But I was texting him constantly by begging. I was so devastated then I stopped texting him but I didn’t blocked him anywhere. After 4 days later I called him and I found he unblocked me from his mobile number and I called him he answered my call. We didn’t meet each other so he was saying he is in my city and I offered him to meet me. After that we meet with each other he took me we have some awesome time together. Then when I came to my home I was able to contact him. 3 days later he blocked me again from his contact number. I was again constantly texting him he didn’t replied any of my texts. I made another Viber account and called him he told me he will not talk with me daily but sometimes he will talk with me because he have a girlfriend now. I told him I will never call or text him and never disturb him again take care. After that I’ve not called or text him. It’s been two days but I didn’t block him anywhere. Will he hoover me ever?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Welcome Rose, there is always a risk of a hoover and whether there will be one is subject to whether there is a Hoover Trigger (there always is) and then whether the Hoover Execution Criteria (HEC) are met. I recommend you consult with me to address your personal situation given the level of detail involved.

      1. Rose says:

        I’ll consult with you soon thank you for your reply but hg tudor if I call him will he drag me into formal relationship?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You run a significant risk of being drawn into some form of additional engagement which may well mean the resumption of the formal relationship, therefore you ought to abide by GOSO and implement and maintain no contact.

    2. princesssuperempath says:

      Dear Rose. You have me crying. Sigh…. Please talk to HG Tudor as soon as possible. On Audio. Please. For my sake, if not yours. I can not take this.

  12. DEMBunny says:

    Ah. Another gem.

    HG just to let you know your last video up, Why So Called Relationship Advisors..
    Cut off early

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. I felt some Challenge Fuel and needed to assert my supremacy so a sudden cut-off was deployed!

  13. kel says:

    And if it had been you who fell: you’d blame it on something else, you’d play the victim, lap up sympathy from the strangers- you’d be looking for their help-not hers, she’d end up pushed away as if she weren’t a part of it. And if she thought you were clumsy and it was your own fault, and told you so, you’d either lap up her fuel or feel fury.

    When she fell, she looked only to you for help and no one else, she only cared if you cared about her, she didn’t get mad when you said it was her own clumsy fault. But if she had gotten mad at you, you would’ve just lapped up the fuel.

    I’m blessed that I don’t need fuel. And cursed with those who do.

    I guess it’s not your fault you are what you are. HG, besides you, is there anything good we can get from a narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      What good can you get from a narcissist (me excluded)? As far away as possible.

    2. nunya biz says:

      Yeah, only HG bc of rules. Plus brains : )

      1. eating gravel says:

        what phase is my mid level in when he left me for a fugly c you next tuesday, that he met at work, but now everyone knows they are a couple and he walks around and talks to nobody at work actually all doom and gloom . Me ( his ex wife ) and child moved to our beach house and are resuming our life without him but not without his money

        1. HG Tudor says:

          On the basis you were his wife, you were the Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”). You are now the Former IPPS. You will remain that unless he makes you the IPPS again.

          He appears to be bf and gf with the new person and if this happened recently then he will be in a golden period with her. She is the Current IPPS. When did he leave you and commence the relationship with her? The doom and gloom comment seems somewhat incongruous.

  14. Sniglet says:

    Had that been me in distress and the gentleman offered help, I would have accepted it, reached out for his hand, smiled, thanked him and complimented him on his chivalry towards me that I have never seen such kindness from a man in my life. Then proceed to take my shoes off, walk silently ahead, ignoring my date.

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