The Heart Hooks – No. 14


This is a common comment made by our kind at the outset of our seduction of an individual that we wish to ensnare in a romantic dynamic with a view to making this person our Intimate Partner Primary Source.

The intent of such a comment is to make it appear that we find anything and everything about you absolutely fascinating and wonderful. From your evident skill because you speak three languages to the fact that you can quote from episodes of the Big Bang Theory. Whatever facet of your life it involves, we offer the pretence that we are interested in order to make you feel wanted by us. By apparently appearing delighted by both the significant and trivial when it applies to you, we create an idea that you have met somebody who wants the complete you, warts and all, the magnificent and the mundane and that we are so transfixed by you that each part of you means something to us.

This phrase encapsulates an impression of utter infatuation with you. A desire to get to know each and every part of you, a total dedication to the concept of you. It will make you feel special, it will make you feel wanted and make you feel that at long last there is someone who is completely interested in you.

If you have been under-appreciated beforehand, ignored or under-valued (and of course we instinctively find those victims who may well have experienced these feelings) then our sudden and dedicated interest in wanting to get to know every part of you feels wonderful.

We are not truly interested in your ability to play the flute, that you are frightened of clowns and you like to eat crisp sandwiches. We only feign an interest to serve our purposes. We tell you that we want to know everything there is to know about you for the following self-serving reasons:-

  1. It makes you feel wanted so you will want us in return and thus become bound to us;
  2. You serve up to us information about yourself which we will then mirror for the purposes of continuing the seduction;
  3. This information will in turn be used against you once devaluation commences;
  4. We want to absorb you into our world. By knowing everything there is to know about you, we feel that we own you and have caused you to merge with us.

Such a heart hook, as with all of them, will be uttered with undue haste, early on in the interaction with our kind as we seek to establish our hold over you.

14 thoughts on “The Heart Hooks – No. 14

  1. Tex says:

    “…to the fact that you can quote from episodes of the Big Bang Theory” – haha, you narcissists pay attention to so meaningless, useless things normal people do not care about. Instead of getting to know our personality, out chatacter traits (this is something normal people focus on) you offer celebrating the fact we like orange juice. How low is that?

    Yes, my narcissist was fascinated by my music taste, movies taste and other dull stuff that definately do not tell anything about real me. It was quite embarrassing to me, if felt fake and childish and superficial. Like I was dating a 5 yo.

    You collect these meaningless information for future hoovers. You think that the fact you bought tickes for a concert of band we liked 10 years ago will melt out hearts. So embarrassing.

  2. NarcAngel says:

    I think we need to take a little credit. They are not so magic. We are largely addicted to hearing someone verbalize the things we really think about ourselves and having them confirmed. They know this. They are actors preparing for their next role so they study the script. Anything we provide is for manipulating us and using against us later. There is no other interest. The only thing that impresses them about us is the frequency, potency, and quantity of our fuel output to their manipulations, largely using the information that we provide. We are a study to them – not a person, and yet even when eventually faced with the truth that we do not matter and our internal voice is screaming this is wrong, we still look for signs that we do or that they felt something. We can be as persistent in getting what we want as they are.

    1. Joanne says:

      Well put, NA.
      I heard something the other day that really resonated with me and aligns with what you said in your opening. “They awaken part of our ego and elevate it to heights it’s never seen before. We get addicted to the attention, the flattery and when it’s taken away, we’re left with an ego wound.” This really popped out for me because in my case, it’s very true. I was addicted to what he made me feel. Did I really like him for HIM? In all honesty, not *really.*. Yes he was attractive and he made himself appealing through the ways he made me FEEL. I wanted that to continue. I wanted to keep feeling that high.

  3. empath007 says:

    Yes I got this one too. I thought it wAs sweet. I’ve always wanted a man who wanted a deep connection so for me it worked.

    But then I began to find that conversation with him was very drab. He didn’t have much to say or contribute. And be dishonesty and lies all were all part of that. He wasn’t someone I enjoyed talking too…. unless we were flirting or discussing our next intimate time together. But other then that. He was extremely boring.

    1. Joanne says:

      Mine was boring too, yet had a way with weaving stories into exciting tales. Even the mundane seemed interesting due to his story telling abilities. However, most of the time I just wanted him to hurry up with these tales and get back to flirting and talking about our obsession with one another.

      1. empath007 says:

        Haha! That made me laugh 😂 so true when they are overt… there stories bore everyone and they never notice 🤣 mine was covert so he did more listening

  4. Joanne says:

    I didn’t get this one. In fact, he asked me very few questions and dominated every conversation with stories about himself. He seemed satisfied with what little he knew about me and how I would fit into his life versus getting to really know me at all. Of course I noticed this as being strange, especially when he started on the soul mates/we should’ve been married/ I wish it was you campaign. I recognized how ridiculous these claims were, based on his lack of knowledge of me, but I ignored it anyway.

    Looking back at everything, it is so obvious how superficial the whole thing was. Flattery mostly based on my appearance. He was interested in how I looked. To some degree he seemed impressed by the type of mother I was, the fact that I ‘took care of myself’ but still put my kids first (unlike the ex wife 🙄). Beyond that, nothing else about me mattered. I fit some kind of mold for him, for a short time anyway.

    Regardless of him not asking questions or taking a deeper interest, all the attention he bestowed on me still gave me all the feelings you’ve listed. I imagine it would’ve been an even worse fall if he’d have dug deeper into learning more about me as a person.

    1. Chihuahuamum says:

      Hi joanne…was your narc a lesser? My narcs i think is a lesser greater. I think the more higher up the more they dig deep to get info on their victim. Their npd is more specialized. I see this as a direct manipulation of their victim and one theyre fully aware of.
      I think a lesser would maybe not see the importance or value of obtaining info about the victim and focus more on themselves.
      Idk just a speculation of course.

      1. Joanne says:

        If classify him as a MRE.

  5. Tamara says:

    So that I can, then, get super bored of you, and thoroughly Discard you…

  6. Chihuahuamum says:

    This hook the narc still uses. His memory at the things ive told him is shocking. Whats just as shocking is how i keep serving info. Thats always been the hook tho in that ive had someone to share with on a daily basis that takes an intetest. Its scary tho bc you put yourself out there and it can be used later against you. He has used certain weaknesses to upset me either directly or indirectly.
    Out of all the hooks this ones played a major role in the relationship.

    1. Joanne says:

      I can very easily see how this is a strong hook. I find in general, most people (even those who are not narcissists) are generally more interested in talking about themselves than getting to know me. For that reason, I keep a lot to myself. I can sense when someone isn’t really listening, or only “listening to reply”/waiting for their turn to speak again. Therefore, when someone questions me, takes that level of interest, then REMEMBERS the things I’ve told them – I really value it. This hook would likely get me serving over info again and again. It truly makes you feel that you are special.

  7. Sarah says:

    Yes! I still remember as a teenager the N’s persistence in drawing out all of this information. We spent hours looking through family photos and his curiosity and appetite for information about each one was extraordinary. Even then, it struck me as a level of interest outside of the norm, however as described by HG, it felt special to have somebody so interested in my foundation and early years. I think of it now as predatory of course. My learning in so many of these articles is that extremes are never good!!

  8. Veronique Jones says:

    I know this you all want to know everything about us not because of us not because you care about us not because there’s any decency in you and you actually want to be able human being that so you’ve got weapons to use against us I wish I could get your kind and with my soul

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