A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 95



6 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 95

  1. Cloudy says:



    any articles for this one if I may ask?

  2. Joanne says:

    This one made cry a bit. ET is on a surge today for no apparent reason. The narc and I didn’t have this relationship but the link to youth maybe triggered something inside me…
    the love devotee. How devastating for you – the realization of years of illusion. I’m glad you got out and didn’t waste more time trying to get back the ghost of who you thought he was. It’s all so very sad.

    1. Sarah says:

      Hi Joanne,
      Thank you for your empathy and understanding. I was so young when all of this started, I never saw this situation for what it was because I was naieve. HG’s work made me reflect and sit with the discomfort of understanding how destructive the relationship was from the very beginning. There were so many things; he sabotaged every relationship I had with other guys from the time I was 14. I remember him taking my boyfriend to the prostitutes when we were 15. He led him into the situation, made sure he did the deed and then climbed in my bedroom window at 2am to let me know what my boyfriend had done. I cried on his shoulder all night, it was such a perverse justice he sought in trying to manipulate me in this way.
      My father died when I was 15 and N having met my dad was such a powerful thing for me. He delighted in my vulnerabilities because he was stealth in his mission to embed me as an IPPS. I would never have understood the many twists, turns, lies and behaviours if I hadn’t found HG.
      It was a face to face Hoover after finding me 13 years post no contact that made me search for answers and I am so glad I did. It has almost been two years since this Hoover and the understanding of his diagnosis has given me an armour that is impenetrable; he can no longer sell me a sweet story about ‘us’ because I am not interested.
      At the time I left I was hurting and it was hard but it was always the right decision. I am proud of my 26 year old self even to this day, even more so now I fully understand the N dynamic and the importance of no contact.
      I hope you are feeling better today and the ET is settling for you. Thank you for sharing in my story.

      1. Joanne says:

        What a horrific story of manipulation. I understand the connection to meeting your father. Those emotional links hold so much meaning and can be so powerful. I am proud of you for being smart enough to understand something was wrong, strong enough to get out and strong enough to resist the temptation of an in person hoover so long after. You are so very young and have a whole life ahead of you to pursue healthy and happy connections with good people. You know exactly what to avoid <3

  3. Christopher Jackson says:

    Wow I’m glad you got outta that shit. That’s how it was for me I immediately left right after I read this shit it was so true but yet hurtful and insightful you did the right thing once you know you go….and last but not least you get out and stay out

    1. Sarah says:

      Thanks so much CJ and well done to you too! After all we endure in the N dynamic, we are very much standing in our uncomfortable truth when we know it is time to go. Leaving brings the initial pain but the most fulfilling opportunities for love and living well are definitely outside of these toxic dynamics. Thanks for sharing my story and your thoughts.

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