I remember the day, or more accurately that the floodgates were opened on my promiscuity. It was when I attended a particular university for the purposes of an admission interview. It was early December and this historic and beautiful university city was lit up by orange and yellow lamps as a little mist clung to the narrow alleyways and courtyards. I had concluded my two interviews (read Fury if you want to know more about how they progressed and how one interview impacted on me) and returned to the junior common room to meet up with two other candidates. They were applying to the same college but to read a different subject to me. They were both English literature students. He was from Greenock in Scotland and she was a bookbinder’s daughter from Cambridge in England. Beer was consumed, stories swapped and the fellow from Greenock retired to his room. The bookbinder’s daughter, she was called Sarah, came back to my room and we talked before we climbed into bed together. I had a girlfriend at the time and whilst there had been dalliances with other girls I had not slept with another. That changed that night. And in the morning too. Sarah wandered away across the quadrangle to her room and I rose from my bed to seek out the bathroom. She decided to stay another day at the college because she wanted to spend time with me. I was happy for her to do so as I waited around, as was customary, in case an interview arose at another college. The following day we both departed, she to the east and me to the west and once I alighted at the train station near to my girlfriend’s house I went straight round to see her. She was pleased to see me and embraced me with enthusiasm. I returned the enthusiasm. I had no sense of guilt at my infidelity. Nothing at all. Instead I revelled in the way I had taken Sarah to my bed and now strode into my then girlfriend’s bedroom with her asking with admiration how my interview had progressed and what the college was like.
Following that first time I never looked back. I cheated left, right and centre. With that girlfriend and with all subsequently. Why did I do it? Way back then I realised how good it made me feel but I had no understanding of why I actually did it. Something always drove me to do it. I realised that the relevant girlfriend would be upset if she knew what I had done but this never stopped me. I never gave it a second thought. Even as I was locked in an embrace with some relative stranger and an image of the girlfriend formed in my mind I felt no tug of conscience, remorse or guilt. All I knew was that I was able to seduce, pull, entice and ensnare everywhere I went. I would meet someone and always find something attractive about them – it might be the colour of their hair, the length of their legs, their accent, the way they rolled the letter r, the fact they drank with a straw or the size of their breasts. It might be their enthusiasm for a particular band, their recollections of travelling or the manicured nails. Each and everyone had some kind of attraction. I could not resist trying to ensnare someone in order to bring them under my spell. It was then that I realised what it was that really drew me to them, it was the promise of their attention. I realised I was able to get them hooked on me. I had convinced myself that I was drawn to them for some other reason but it dawned on me that I was just telling myself that as a reason. A reason that I required to explain this compelling desire to couple with someone. But that was not the real reason. The truth was that I wanted their attention on me and this was the way to get it.
Yes it was pleasant engaging in that first kiss and I enjoyed the sensations that arose when the embrace escalated but it was not what I actually I wanted. I wanted them to praise me. I wanted them to become transfixed by me and for them to shine their spotlight firmly on me. The promiscuity has always continued and it does not matter who with it is the fact that I am able to do seduce and by so doing gather that starry-eyed admiration, those pleasing words and the attention. This engagement does not end with behaving in a promiscuous fashion. I will engage in discussions with a stranger of my own sex,at a bar, a railway platform or in a lift. I have no desire to seduce them sexually for that is not my preference but I do cause them to like me and in so doing give me that fuel that I need.
Often I feel like admitting my repeated transgressions straight away to the relevant girlfriend of the time but I have no desire to puncture my primary source of fuel by doing this. I do find it interesting how they always react with such alarm and distress on the odd occasion I do make such a confession. If I tell them how well I got on with a random male in an exchange at a bar, someone with whom I have swapped views, thoughts and opinions, I receive a smile and a comment of,
“Always good to make new friends.”
Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar. Yes, one might yield greater fuel than the other but in terms of intimacy they are equally redundant. That is not why I do it. I do not do it because I want to savour the sensation of another’s mouth against me. I do it because I want them to give me fuel. I can understand how you may be aghast if in a normal relationship a partner behaves with infidelity but to our kind it just about the attention, the admiration, the fuel. You have such a great hang up because sex is involved. That is just the gateway device to me. If I could get the attention another way so that it provides such fuel then believe me I will do it. However, in your world, on the whole, the act of a sexual union accords a greater connection between two people which means you yield more fuel and are more inclined to keep providing it as you seek more from the liaison.
Our promiscuity arises to enable us to achieve fuel. From the new target who is seduced by us and from you should we alert you in some way (either in whole or in part) to our new interest. The condemnation that is attached to promiscuity when in a relationship means that your reaction just provides us with even more fuel. There is a risk of your supply being punctured by this revelation but it is a calculated risk and is often done when the quality of your supply generally has started to wane.
To us promiscuity when in a relationship is merely a means to an end. To you, well, you behave as if it is the end of the world. It really isn’t.
7 thoughts on “Promiscuous Boy”
yeah, I do remember the father of my daughter saying “not so quick let us enjoy longer” but I was happy finishing the “act” because I felt exhausted (out of energy) after it….he used me as his “petrol station” and I was not willing to so anymore…..I escaped, he discarded me with his new IPPS in time and I said to him “happy that you have had all your women so I was not so much in charge of…..” I am not an empath, more a person with narcisstic traits but these “infedilety” and “fuel addiction” would be too much of stress for me and not of any longlasting satisfaction. For me, it sounds like an obsession for fuel, restless, without connection to the inner world of oneself, dependent on others for fuel supply, dependent of having control on others and yourself but your control is an illusion, a fake, a lie
Friends…I hate that word any more.
How many partners have you had, HG? I guess the G in you thinks you are untouchable and STDs are not something you need to worry about?
Correct. I’m disease free.
He uses Listerine, apparently.
Nah, it was not end of world when Narc’s 2 promiscuity was detected and confessed. But it was the end of the relationship. Certainly I provided some fuel, no doubt I reacted. Although I didn’t call him names ( not my style) nor I shouted at him or displayed any highly emotional outburst. Of course I cried at home , of course I was hurt.
But I have zero tolerance for betrayal so GOSO was the only sane outcome .
“ Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar”
You obviously have an excellent grasp on how that reaction is born out of our love devotee, honesty, integrity traits. As you have written about it a lot. But it actually also has a lot to do with our own ego… the empath is not without an ego, we also enjoy being praised and worshipped, which is why the love bombing is so affective. We feel ashamed as it also ruins what we believe to be a “perfect coupling” Narcissist’s are not the only ones who care what the outside world thinks.
Secondly, there is a difference in the interactions for you. To say there is not can simply not be true. Being a Narcissist Is a part of who you are (albeit a large one) but not all of who you are, as you are also a heterosexual male. and while you view both people as appliances… you do not want to have sex with them both (unless you are bi sexual but from what I’ve read you consider yourself heterosexual) being a heterosexual male that man does not arouse the same feeling in you a woman can. You can’t get off with a man. So even if the sex is meaningless… it’s not an act that can be performed with a man. Fuel may be the main component of the event, but you still need to be sexually aroused.
To us, yes we see it an intimate act. I must admit I still feel like I belong to my narc that way. But I am wired different. So yes it feels like a betrayal to us.
Infedilety is a reality we all probably deal with in one way or another. It’s no easy subject. But it’s not the same as having drink with a buddy lol