The Narcissist and Money


Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health.

How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?

  • Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
  • Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
  • Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
  • Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
  • Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
  • Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
  • Straight forward theft
  • Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
  • Selling your possessions
Why does this happen? Sometimes it is about instant gratification. We want something
and we want it immediately. We have always been used to getting our own way so why
should it be any different when it comes to the question of money? We do not recognise
any boundary that says we should not have your money. It is in play and up for grabs.
We want something and you can pay for it. This of course reinforces our control over
you by seizing your finances and goods we have you beholden to what we want to do.
We show that we are in control and of course we anticipate horror, howls or protest and
anger when you learn of our activity. All of which is good fuel. There is also an element
of retribution. We may have been denied something and this in turn offends our sense of
entitlement. We feel criticised and we want to get rid of that sensation. One method is to
assert our power by taking what belongs to you and using it to our benefit. Sometimes
we do this an expend your financial resource in a totally excessive fashion which just
wastes the money. To us however there is no waste in such a step. It underlines our
importance, it affirms our power and it keeps you under out control.
The scale by which our kind engages in this sequestration of the money and assets of
others can vary hugely in scale, even when perpetrated by the same person. In that vein
I am reminded of the late Robert Maxwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the
name, Maxwell was a Czech born media mogul who operated a publishing empire in the
United Kingdom. He fell off his yacht in 1991 and drowned. There is little doubt that he
was one of our kind – plenty has been written about the man and his behaviours which
confirms that. Maxwell plundered the company pension scheme stealing hundreds of
millions of pounds from the pensions of the employees leaving thousands of people in
financial difficulty. There was the misappropriation of the money of others on a massive
scale. Maxwell was also found on Christmas morning by his wife and children
surrounded by torn wrapping paper. He had wanted to know what had been bought for
the children. Rather than ask his wife, he went ahead and opened all the wrapped gifts.
He did not take the gifts but he certainly trampled over a boundary and appropriated the
surprise that was meant for his children. Nobody is beyond our sense of entitlement
when it comes to money or assets.

43 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Money

  1. Why me? says:


    Is it also considered financial abuse when a narcissist puts you down for being unemployed? Or is it only emotional abuse?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That would be an insult and emotional abuse. If the narcissist failed to help you out financially when you live together for instance and you are unemployed, that would be financial abuse.

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        Oh ahahah I misread this first time around, I thought you were indicating the empath was financially abusing the narc because they were unemployed.

      2. Why me? says:

        Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, HG.

  2. Narc noob says:

    HG, this is my understanding. There are certian behaviours that your kind won’t carry out, depending on their cadre/school. Their belief systems, and the way they were bought up, what was done to them, etc. will also affect those behaviours.

    What of those Ns who regard honesty around money as a behaviour they will not change. I am speaking from the point of view of a business relationship. I know these peoples track record, thus far. I know what they view in terms of money and how contracts work. I also realise they are one of your kind. I understand that GOSO and NC are your mandatory advice for all Es however I am also aware that your kind are beneficial and have what I need in some cases.

  3. alexissmith2016 says:

    Never paying for drinks and meals when out together looooooooooool except when in a group situation then they’ll pay for yours and everyone else’s hahah but when it comes to being alone, just you and them, they have a handbook of excuses

    Joking aside this is so sad for those who have been affected by it. I cannot even begin to imagine at all. I cannot wait to email you what happened to me and how your teachings saved me from a similar fate! So close to the final hurdle now so I don’t want to speak too soon!

    1. Lorelei says:

      Good luck on the final hurdle Alexis!

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        Thanks I don’t mean to be cryptic but also don’t want to be identifying. And I literally cannot wait until it’s all over x

        1. Lorelei says:

          Be cryptic. What people don’t know they can’t ruin.

          1. alexissmith2016 says:

            So right Lorelei. You’re very wise like my husband.

            He would see a fire and say, “oh look a fire, thst could burn me, or worse. I’d better steer well clear of that”. I see a fire and I’m like, “oh look there’s a fire let me see what happens if I put my fingers in or even fully immerse myself. That fucking hurt, get me out of here”.

            “Oh look another fire, that one can’t hurt as much. Ouch it did!”

          2. Lorelei says:

            I’m not wise like him! I’m just trying to quit playing with fire just as you describe! I did think of that though so there is that.

    2. Narc noob says:

      AS2016, my curiosity got the better of me, did you get past the hurdle of 2019? 😁

  4. FoolMe1Time says:

    Enough Pamela!
    There are people on here of all walks of life trying to survive abuse that they have suffered from people like you! You are not a victim! You are a narcissist! Please do not say you are a victim, you are not! You do not belong here, I know this is an open forum, but you have gone to far this time!! You are nothing but a self serving rascist bitch and should climb back down into the sewer where you belong!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I always like a FM1T explosion.

      1. FoolMe1Time says:

        Happy to oblige Sir. You can count on it whenever a sleezy skank like that comes into your house HG.

        1. Anm says:

          Will you be my new best friend? I could use a friend like you.

          1. FoolMe1Time says:


          2. FoolMe1Time says:

            Oh Anm, I don’t like getting that angry! I know that I am only fueling the beast when I do that, but at times I just can’t stand it anymore! I think of the ones that are new here, they are so broken and confused, they come here and are frightened and maybe for the first time they work up the courage to comment only to be replied back to by a narcissist that has slithered onto the blog. I remember being so afraid to ask a question or that perhaps HG would not understand the question I was asking him? It was NA that was always there for me, giving the confidence and understanding that I needed! Now it’s my turn to pay that kindness and protection that she gave to me forward! This is the only place they will find the knowledge and help they need, I won’t let someone like that frighten them away. The rascist remarks put me over the top yesterday! I will never stay silent when I hear or read something like that! As long as I’m on here sweetie you will always have a friend that has your back. 😘💞

  5. Brutal Truth says:

    The Maxwells are unclean Jews anyway.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks for your racism Pamela. Careful, you’ll end up in court again. And lose again.

      1. Anm says:

        Robert Maxwell sounds like an Upper Lesser from what I read about him.
        Ghislaine sounds like a Greater.
        Since you personally knew the family, would you say this is an accurate assessment?;)

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello ANM, I would state that it is not.

  6. Pingback: The Narcissist and Money ⋆ NarcTopia
  7. Whitney says:

    My narcs:
    LMR: we took turns but he paid more for dinners. He always paid his half for living expenses.

    UMR: paid every single meal and drink for me, and if I had a friend her also. Will NOT let me pay for anything.

    MMR: pays for most even though I try to keep it even. Buys me things I need.

    I am literally the narcissist. I just am

    My empath friend has narcissist partners. All stingy. They get her to pay $5 entry, split dinner bills etc when they have a much better job than her.

    1. Anm says:

      Lol Whitney. My best friend is a Super Empath. I believe a Savior Super Empath to be exact. I asked her to babysit my daughter the other day on a short notice. She did. I already felt bad for asking her without notice. I come back to find that she took my daughter to an upscale resteraunt, and then a shopping spree for designer clothes and toys. I was like, “please let me pay you back.” She was like, “I dont want your money. Come back later and give me a back massage or something.” I was like, “I don’t want to come back and give you a back massage. I would rather give you money”.
      It’s funny how Empaths have their quirks about money too.

      1. Whitney says:

        Hahaha Anm that is so funny your friend took your daughter to an upscale restaurant, on a shopping spree, and then asked you to give her a back massage!! hahahaha

  8. Lorelei says:

    So many thoughts.. Thank goodness I wasn’t destroyed by this but I emptied accounts to compensate for the gambling to maintain.. WOW just wow. Couldn’t leave the house I owned so we didn’t have a joint mortgage. Couldn’t buy a new car as I didn’t want to accumulate assets. Hid assets in my bewildered state on some instinctual level. Total shit show. The plus side—I learned to manipulate my rather typically mediocre earning work into one that generates considerably further than it should do to my own niche and other factors. There is always a plus side when bouncing from the down side. I can’t wait for him to take me back to court and counter expenses.. Too bad he forgot capping expenses while bantering over nonsense in the agreement! Mid range narcissists are essentially tunnel visioned at times aren’t they HG? He was more solely focused on not being allowed to bring his female friends to kid doctor and school events than the money!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists are essentially tunnel visioned, yes, because of the focus on control and fuel, rather than consideration to the collateral consequence.

      1. Lorelei says:

        I am thoroughly amused. It will cost him a fortune to take me to court because I’ll file counter motions and all sorts of nonsense just to increase his expenses. And make him spend more with his meager hopes of saving more. I know there is a correlate of increased ET with such shenanigans but it’s overall improving anyway so he can fuck off.

        1. Anm says:

          That’s a horrible approach. Not only will you be increasing your interactions with the narcissist, but you will lose credibility with your judge, and if your abuser has custody of the kids-your kids will suffer from the stress of their parents litigating in court. By all means, use the courts if needed, but don’t use it for amusement

          1. Lorelei says:

            No I disagree.. He doesn’t have the thrust to be too tenacious and I look like a million bucks by comparison for several reasons. He’s avoiding what I have smoke screened as reasonable and continues to look like an idiot. Six figure income griping about $500 receipts while I privately fund private educations. The overall picture is favorable and the attorney has finesse of the finest. I refuse to grovel to his pleas that are generated quite obviously to support his gambling issue. It’s hard to see the visuals on here as we don’t really know each other:)
            I will nail him.

          2. Lorelei says:

            Anm—something compelled me to clarify, this would only be if I were taken to court, not to instigate court proceedings. 💕

      2. Narc noob says:

        Hello HG,

        I see that ultimately Ns use money (and everthing else) to control and gain fuel. What I find difficult is that they all come with a different approach.

        The way they gain their control will differ depending on their level, school, (earning capacity and self-control, etc). Correct?

        Is there an easy way to determine one is an N with how they deal with money, alone?

        I understand, as you go up the levels the level of income earned also increases. My observations and a few assumptions tell me that the LN doesn’t really have the skill set or self control for a high earning bracket or big bank balance, as he mismanages, the MRN has skill and knowledge for bigger earning capacity but lacks the ability to manage it – giving it away to those he wishes to control, for example. The greater has the skill set to make, keep, and increase their worth, thus having a further reaching *control* mechanism.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. Yes.

          2. No, that would be an indicator and is not determinative.

          3. It is not a given that the higher the school the greater the income. For instance, some Upper Lessers can be very wealthy and some Lower Mid-Range have very little financially. Money and assets etc is but one element.

          1. Narc noob says:

            Thank you for that, HG.

            I realise now how idiodic my question about money (and earning brackets) was. I asked 2 other questions but maybe WP gobbled them up as I can’t seem to find them anywhere.

            Clearly the way Ns deal with a powerful commodity like money is just down to control and it will depend based on school/cadre.

            Why/Would a MRN (?) hand over control of his earnings to his IPPS to do the *budget*?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Benign manipulation for the purposes of achieving control and fuel.

    2. Anm says:

      It interesting you posted this today. On monday, I have a settlement conference with my daughters father in regards to finances. He already petitioned the courts for “financial relief” for a temporary hearing. He lost. Now he wants to take it to a full day trial, thus the settlement conference. I was actually thinking about it today. I think I may subpoena a domestic violence therapist/advocate for the trial to testify about financial abuse. I already know the law is on my side, but I would like to present to the courts why abusers use financial abuse.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You may wish to consult with me ANM so I can help you with this.

      2. Lorelei says:

        “Financial relief” is a word best used (by the other parent) by those shirking responsibility, as they have no innate drive to be responsible when it doe not suit them. The one consolation prize is that he can’t use the legal platform forever without being pegged a total asshole. People start to role their eyes.

        1. Anm says:

          It is not against the law to be an asshole. I’m not offended that they are seeking “financial relief”. I studied every statute and case law on finances. Every thing has to be spelled out meticulously in case their is an appeal on either side. If I happen to lose, I will appeal. What I want to put on the record is that this isn’t just unreasonable request, but actually a form of domestic violence. I think I will be able to do so if I plan accordingly.

          1. Lorelei says:

            Plan accordingly but do do with HG’s work.

          2. Lorelei says:

            By the way—he actually “charged me” Anm for the kids Easter basket candy last year! I can’t make it up. I have a photo of the store receipt where he highlighted the candy and deducted from his total and then added 7.5% tax back in. Unbelievable for a man making six figures. Yes, it allowed for a bit of comedic relief. All that work adding up $1 or $3 candy with his calculator and then adding the tax! I almost peed my pants laughing.

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