A Missive From MatriNarc
Do you remember Dr M? The fine suit wearing doctor with the soon to be worn away crotch? Of course you do. Well as you will recall the first consultation ended in a resounding victory to me as I kept him at bay with my silent treatment. I fair floated out of his consulting room and exited onto the cold street outside. Two days after this trouncing of Dr M I received a letter. I knew straight away who it was from. She always used 100gsm manila C5 envelopes. The quality and weight of the envelope was something she was fastidious about. She would often snort at personal letters which arrived in anything which was white and below the weight she preferred. I naturally recognised her immaculate copperplate handwriting as well. I knew what would be contained in the enclosed letter but I read it anyway.
To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
Speak up or suffer the consequences.
I tore the letter up. Her hypocrisy was evident once again. There she was chastising me for remaining silent with Dr M when all through her life (or at least that much that I could actually recall) she had used silence. Silence to convey her fury with anyone who had not given her what she wanted. Silence to let people know that they were in the wrong. Silence to hurt. Silence to control. Silence to compel. The High Priestess of Hush was admonishing me for saying nothing. She should be praising me but then I had come to expect this. I keenly observed her deportment. Impeccable manners, politeness, punctuality and high standards. Shoes must always be black for men, there is no brown in town. A Windsor knot in my tie (I had to learn at ten years old to do it myself. I can remember standing in the living room with the tears of frustration trickling down my face as I was scolded for getting it wrong once again). Never wear white shirts unless it is a funeral or you are an airline pilot. Oh or a police officer. At dinner remember to ask “Do you know the Bishop of Norwich?” and “Is your passport in order?” All her lectures I absorbed and obeyed and most of all I learned all about her use of silence. I had done exactly as I should when dealing with someone who was trying to undermine me. That Dr M was trying to unnerve me and make him the superior being in the room. He soon came undone when faced by the Tudor Icewall. I did precisely the right thing but there we are it was the wrong thing according to the Duchess of Disdain. I did not take kindly to the threat contained in the letter either but I could not ignore it. And she knew that. Of course she knew that. She fires off one of her standard howitzer quotations in order to gain the high ground. Typically she was economic with her writing too.
“No letter should ever be more than a page in length, any more and you are waffling.”
I can hear her saying that now. Mind you, she was right about that and was right about most things, I am like her in that respect, that much I will concede. Nevertheless I did not welcome this diktat and hurled the torn pieces of paper on the floor before I stormed out of my house. I felt wounded by this correspondence. She could always wound me so easily with her letters. Whenever she wanted to set me straight she would send me a letter. It was like a papal bull and it always made me feel crippled. Whenever I received one of these letters I could feel the scorching criticism tearing through me and I needed to douse it. I needed to find a salve for the affliction. It was no good confronting her. She would only make matters worse. No others would pay in order to ease my suffering and pay they did.
I lambasted the girl on reception at the office for not having her hair tied up and found three other petty reasons to tear a strip off her. She was soon in tears. I threw a report from a junior colleague back at him and told him to come back when he had learned how to do joined-up writing. I told my secretary her forthcoming extended weekend break was cancelled because there was too much work to do. I removed another colleague from leading a team and appointed one of his peers instead. I knew from her grateful smile and thankful gaze that I had credit to be used from between her legs and I would readily do so by the end of the day. I wrote some disgusting graffiti about a head of department in one of the cubicles in the gentlemens’ bathroom. I got my secretary to ring the restaurant where I did most of my entertaining and as I stood listening she was instructed to tell them that their sablefish was sub-standard and for that reason my expense account would be used at a competitor establishment. The manager of the restaurant rang four times to apologise and sent a bottle of champagne in order to try and win back my patronage. I called my sister and told her how useless she was and she was never to ring me ever again. I cancelled a meeting and spent two hours blitzing three fuel prospects with texts, ensuring the content became progressively filthier. I telephoned my then girlfriend and explained I had to take someone else out for dinner in the evening and put the phone down on her. I was a whirlwind of malice throughout the rest of the day until as 6pm approached I realised the horrible burning inside had ceased and I felt cleansed. I sat at my desk and dragged my hand across my face relieved to have overcome the weakness that threatened to topple me as a consequence of that single sheet of paper with the minimum of words etched upon it.
I opened one of the drawers on my desk and selected a single heavy sheet of cream paper. I set it straight before me and taking up my fountain pen I began to write.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. Dr M will listen.
I slid the letter in the envelope and smiled. She would be proud of me this time, surely?
31 thoughts on “A Missive From MatriNarc”
I noticed Prince Harry on the news today with Meghan wrapping up their Africa trip, had on an almost white shirt, tinted slightly blue. I know, he’s not a narc, but he’s upper crust. Silly rule about white shirts. Funny that narcs don’t believe rules apply to them except when it comes to their facade.
Dear HG, I suppose you don’t wear white shirts.
I’m feeling intense dislike for your mother. Your response was perfect, did she appreciate it?
Only at funerals, weddings and in the cockpit.
What about on your wedding day?
I would be shocked if your mother did not do the correct thing and place inverted commas around one of her “howitzer quotations” and appropriately cite Ella Wheeler Wilcox in her original note . . . unless, of course, she goes around using others’ words as her own. . . or unless proper citation does not matter in a personal letter. Then never mind.
Wow! A few words can wound so deeply to trigger such massive destruction and rage. So many moms destroying their children….☹
White shirts?? I thought it was blue shirts all this time. How can you not wear white shirts? So clever that silent has all the same letters as listen. That is genius and perfect.
Hmmm. All those unnecessary fight or flight chemicals triggered, circulating in volumes. For what?
There are things I envy about narcs, but becoming like the person you have most cause to resent isn’t one of them. It’s like a vampire turning you into another vampire.
To fend off the influence or threat of the one person who has a high level of control over him.
I never knew what it was called, but I certainly know what it is HG!
Next time you see your mother HG find the ugliest pair of brown shoes and flood pants and flaunt them 😄
I think people who arent assertive or bottle things up eventually lash out instead of facing the very person or situation that caused it from the start or dealing with it face on. Assertive or aggressive. Matrinarc has way too much influence. You tell us to go no contact if she has that amount of affect over you id go no contact with her. You dont need her money youre quite sufficient on your own HG. You allow her too much power over you. Thanks to your works ive learned how to take back my power with my own mother.
Your mother sounds like a hoity toity snob who thinks youre still a child.
She has no power over me. It is called lulling somebody into a false sense of security. You will see when the whole edifice comes tumbling down.
Dearest HG: I hope you are right. I do feel some worry, though. I have heard every adult Male son of Narcissistic mothers say they are surprised that even the deceased mother still impacts them even from the grave. I know you are wise, but those mid rangers can be so incredibly tricky I have heard and seen on the news, with a few smug surprises up their own sleeves, and they also have lulled their adult children into believing that they were in reasonably good standing and then these mothers have `pulled a few fast ones.` I am specifically thinking of mommie dearest Joan Crawford and then also, although male, what Tony Curtis, Jamie Lee Curtis` father, did to her in his will. As you teach us, Always be Resisting. No false sense of security permitted for any of us.
How is lambasting the girl at the reception lulling somebody into a false sense of security?
The girl at reception is not my mother. I answered with reference to my mother, not the girl at reception.
I have always had the suspicion that HG has his own agenda with Matrinarc! My opinion is that she thinks HG is playing her game by her rules. I imagine he is playing his own game by another set of rules. I also believe the no contact doesn’t apply to him because it is a whole different dynamic (narcissist against narcissist). After all she unwittingly put him in a position to become the expert on human interactions and dynamics! I plan on continuing to follow this site to see how it all plays out!
Hi gypsy heart…ty for your reply. Hgs mother gets to him and triggers npd behaviours which is control. Narcissistic parents condition their children and its hard to break that conditioning. Its like starting all over with new software. I still struggle overcoming this. I dont think narcissists are any different other than how they deal with their feelings. Its very ingrained into a persons subconscious.
I dont understand the grand plan as it hasnt been unveiled to us but from all ive read on here about matrinarc she is very domineering, shames and treats HG like a child. She sounds extremely toxic. Were told to walk away from these types. What seems to be her power is her money and her ability to wound and get inside HGs head. Imo the most healing thing to do would tell her where she could shove her money and go full no contact then continue therapy with Dr E. Fire Dr. O.
I am new to all of this. Really just started figuring it out. Haven’t heard a lot about the dynamics between narcissists but your statement makes sense.
I certainly understand how it is hard to start over with new software. My father was a narcissist. A very violent one. I am approaching my 50’s; my father has been dead for many years and still have difficulty with triggering behaviors and coping mechanisms. I suspect that is why i always end up in narcissistic relationships because those are the dynamics I am used to, though I hope to break that cycle; it is difficult. Thank you for sharing your point of view. I am here to share mine also and to learn.
I imagine she may have some purse strings that matter to HG.
She might cut him off anyhow, as PrincessSuperEmpath suggested, as her final slap in the face beyond the grave. He seems to be successful professionally, so allowing his future prosperity to depend on her whim sets him up for further victimization (although one gathers his sister will get the bulk of post-mortem humiliation, as is her assigned role).
If she pulls a Joan Crawford, what will be left to him? Borrow someone else’s dog so he can walk it on her grave?
HG I really enjoyed reading this . Your mother was very strict I take it. Never wear white shirts brown shoes etc.. Her letter to you really wounded you. She used silent treatments was she a midranger?You really took it out on everyone wow! I wouldnt want to work for you lol! Thank you for explaining the malice that the Greater does it helped me understand. The letter in return to her was shocking.
She is Upper Mid Range.
Thank you !
I have read this one many times and must say today is the first I remember the men must always wear black shoes, never brown. Is this one of the reasons you wear brown shoes at times, to anger her? I noticed on Instagram a few times you wearing brown shoes or boots.
I wear brown when not in town
Haha! Such a funny man you are! But you always seem to turn my frown upside down. 😘🙃
HG what happens when you wear them in town. Are you afraid your mother will comment on them?
No. It’s a British saying.
Oh ok makes sense thanks