Please Please Please

 

PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE

I want you to do your best. That is a noble intention is it not? I want you to try harder each day. I want you to aim high and strive to improve on what you achieved the previous day. Though exhaustion may be clouding your vision and that ache in your limbs reminds you of the strenuous ministrations that you have attended to, I know that you can push through it and do it more, better, faster and stronger. I believe in you. Those other imposters are mere charlatans. Am I not the one who has given you a perfect love? You need to keep that perfect love and earn it. Accordingly, each day I will pull it away from you. On a Monday it might be the case that I do not kiss you. I will not give you an explanation for this withholding as you must work it out. Once you have you need to work hard to recover my kiss. The next day I will not return the hug you always give me when we first get up. Rather than complaining hold your tongue and consider this all part of your on going education. If you want my perfect love to manifest through those warm, safe hugs that you relish then you must please me so that you may have them again.

You repeatedly comment to me that there has to be give and take in a relationship. I am doing exactly what you ask for. I take away in order to make you give more and then you will be rewarded. In order to avoid any complacency on your part you will find that the next time I withdraw from kissing you, your first response which reinstated my luscious embrace will not work a second time. No that would be far too easy. You need to ascertain what different act you must accomplish in order to secure my tender kisses. I know you will do it. Who would not in order to feel my mouth against yours and that soaring sensation inside as the relief floods through you, knowing that you have secured its return. Admit it, the potential loss of my affection at any time for any reason excites you. You do not want mediocrity. You want excitement. You want to feel like you are flying, soaring, bursting and spinning with delight. I am the only one who can supply that to you and thus you willingly engage with me in these games as I push you further and further, pulling back a little more each time so you wrack your brain and strain your sinews to find the answer once again. It would be wrong of me to say I only do this for your benefit. I do not. I do it wholly for mine since I need you to please me. You please me by being the puppet jerking on my strings, doing everything at my behest. The surge of power that I get from this control surpasses anything you might get from our relationship, but are we not both getting something from it, so where’s the harm in pleasing me?

17 thoughts on “Please Please Please

  1. heloiseandabelarde says:

    This does explain things though, right? For example, tried my hardest to help with a project which narc should do themselves, only to be told “you won’t even try, will you?” But them I’m a very bad empath. Because my answer was “correct. I won’t even try” and then I went to bed. That must explain comments such as “I need someone who is more empathetic.” You got that right!

    Even if they are only subliminally conscious of narcissism and their possible membership in its ranks, they do seem to intuit that they need empaths. Another one I spoke to briefly on the phone, plucked from a dating website, texted “I think you are an impath (sic)?” How would you answer such a comment by a virtual stranger? I said “I probably am what you say, but then I’m also kind of narcissistic. I like to mix it up.” It definitely mixed him up.

  2. Fiddleress says:

    That is right: I do not want mediocrity. I want excitement.
    Hence my moaning the other day about not being able to be myself when in a ‘normal’ relationship.
    I do not like anything to taste bland.
    Yet I know that I might not survive if I ever go through what I have been through lately, and of course I will not tempt fate again. I want to live.
    But a bland life?
    How do I square the circle?
    I used to find great excitement and passion in fighting for what I believed in. But I am losing my illusions. My natural optimism is somewhat dimmed right now.
    This is where I am at, tonight. Sure it will pass.

    1. Violetta says:

      Then don’t do normal. Look for other empaths.

      Why do you think narcs go for empaths rather than normals? Empaths really are much tastier

    2. lisk says:

      There is beauty in calm.

      1. Fiddleress says:

        Lisk, your comment itself is beautiful. Thank you.

        I probably need a complete makeover, so to speak. I am finding it hard to let go of this self-indulgent, romantic notion that I was born to raise barricades – not on my own, but with other like-minded people – and to climb to the top of those barricades, with those others, to stir the crowds into resistance and/or rebellion against tyrants of all sorts, so as to make the world a happy-ever-after place to live (although I know damn well that the thrill of ‘resistance’ and ‘rebellion’ lies in them never ending). Collective/political struggles have often held a greater place in my life than intimate relationships.
        Yet I am letting go of this notion, as I am getting older and will hopefully become wiser at some point ! But I guess it is akin to a religious person losing their faith, and the in-between is somewhat uncomfortable.

        Self-indulgent, I know.

        Gosh, even I find myself tiring with this !

        1. Violetta says:

          Somewhere beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?

          1. Fiddleress says:

            Yes, Violetta, there is!
            But I would need at least the whole night to talk about it.
            To give you a hint: I believe that I would have volunteered to fight in the Spanish civil war in 1936-39 alongside George Orwell – you may have read his Homage to Catalonia, or seen the film that Ken Loach made after it: Land and Freedom.

            At least I find solace in the fact that my son (a normal veering on the empathetic), who has just finished his studies and been hired by the National Court of Appeal for Asylum Seekers, will actually achieve more than I ever could because he is more practical and down to earth than me; he accepts defeat (not all will be granted asylum) as well as victory (he will contribute to saving lives).

            I should have picked “Don Quixote” for my avatar!

        2. blackcoffee30 says:

          “to climb to the top of those barricades, with those others, to stir the crowds into resistance and/or rebellion against tyrants of all sort” >> Same, Fidderless. Same.

          Meanwhile, have you seen the movie The Devil’s Advocate? It features Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves. I’ve begun to picture narcs as the demons in that film. If you’ve seen it, you’ll get what I mean. When the mask falls– it’s horrifying.

          1. Fiddleress says:

            Blackcoffee30: The Devil’s Advocate is on my list of films I want to watch, so your post gives me a good incentive to do so !

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Entertaining film. Features an empath, a narcissist and someone who is narcissistic.

          3. Dolores Haze says:

            Wait, there’s a trick here. Is it so that out of three main characters a narcissistic actor plays a narcissist, an empath plays someone who’s narcissistic and a narcissist plays an empath?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Correct.

          5. alexissmith2016 says:

            ooh I need to watch this too! I watched ‘Phantom thread’ last night, courtesy of NA. Thanks NA. Very good film! The ending didn’t quite pan out how I imagined and I’m not entirely sure I understand.

            i’m also going to add Devil’s Advocate to my list!

        3. lisk says:

          That’s a good sign!

  3. Presque Vu says:

    I’m feeling weird.
    Reading this a few years ago fresh out of fuckville and this made me cry because my frustration and utter torment had been put into words.
    Reading about a year ago, I felt next to nothing and realised I wasted my time on a wannabe.
    Now… I see it differently again!

    Uugghhh it’s made realise I’m changing too.

    1. singasongy says:

      Me too. This past weekend I just realized I wasted time. I identified that I was always trying harder and harder to get him to appreciate me. I have gone to therapy now and I realize that the narc was my mother in a different body. Now I see it all clearly and I know it was all just me wanting that approval like I didn’t get from my psychopath mother which he is not. He is just a narcissist lol. That epiphany created a free sensation of him now. I’m free. I don’t care about him the same way anymore. I’m free.

      1. lisk says:

        singasongy,

        As much as it pains me to paraphrase Michael McDonald, sweet freedom has shone its light on you.

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