It´s All Connected

IT´S-ALL-CONNECTED

So your break-up was hard and it left you wounded, the injuries both physical but mainly emotional and you have kept yourself locked away for months now. Seeking isolation as a means to address the upset that you have experienced and vowing never to date again. Your resolve has increased, with daily deliverances as to what he did mounting up as you hear about an accumulation of abhorrent actions. You decided to focus on what mattered to you and thus relationships were consigned to the back of your mind. Feeling stronger, the wounds healing yet not healed you face repeated invitations from your well-meaning friends, friends who have supported you through this unpleasant period of your life, to come out of hiding and let yourself shine once more. You agree and after extensive preparation you emerge,like a hibernating creature and join your friends in that bar that has been refurbished and is a honey pot for all the beautiful creatures.

I see you stood there at the bar. You are stood slightly apart from your friends as if seeking to preserve your personal space. I see conversation is directed your way and recognise that your friends are paying you what I would regard as an excessive level of attention as if they are repeatedly checking that you are okay. Occasionally hands touch your arm by way of reassurance and heads lean in as soft faces radiate kind expressions. I know you are being looked after. I know that you are being protected and that means you have been wounded. I scent the blood that has been spilled in your past and wait until the ‘phones are wielded to take various posed photographs. Time to approach.

I make my way to the bar and slightly turn to observe you and your friends as the photos continue. One catches my eye and I smile. She responds with her own smile and nudges her friend.

“Would you like me to take one of you all?” I ask as I move alongside you. Nods of appreciation follow and I am handed phone after phone as I commit your group photo to a digital memory. I engage in polite yet playful conversation with you all but remain focussed on your reactions. You are hesitant but laughing at my words, seemingly wanting to embrace them yet unsure as to whether you should. I pull out my own phone and take a picture of you all and then alter the focus so the lens homes in on you and you alone as I take a burst of pictures before wishing you an enjoyable evening and withdrawing to my waiting lieutenants.

It is not long before a search of your image has given me your name and I am able to ascertain some of your interests from your Face book profile which include the fact that you are a keen dancer and have won several dance competitions. I do some research into dance competitions for young men and prepare my hook of having been a dancer in  my youth although a football injury put paid to my burgeoning progress. I absorb a few key elements of terminology and then make my move towards you. I flick the first domino and it begins to fall into the second.

We talk. We drink. We dance. I learn more about you. I impress judging by your friends’ responses. I secure your number and give you mine. I text courteously the next day. A dinner date is secured. The date goes well. I learn more about you, compiling my dossier about you as a follow-up date is readily agreed to. I surprise you with tickets to a ballet performance. You are delighted. The dominos keep tumbling. Your resistance evaporates. Date three is a pushover and then the dates become more frequent. I am in your house. I am in your bed. I am inside you. Three weeks becomes three months. The dominos keep tumbling as I know all about your past. I know all about your present too from my snooping. I engulf you in my world my lieutenants circling about you. I grab the wool and pull it over your supporters’ eyes, recruiting two of them into my fold. I raise you up. I draw you in. I flatter and charm.

Your time is with me. Your phone full of my love. Your weekends are filled by me. I stay at yours and you at mine. The toothbrush appears and then the overnight bag which remains in place. You wash the clothes for me and then I am there more than I am not. I disconnect those who serve no purpose from your network but you seem not to notice. Your eyes show me how enchanted you are as those dominos continue to tumble. The holidays are booked as I start to invade your future. I check your phone for you and relay messages.

I read your post but you do not mind as I do it when you are busy to help you out. Naturally. The salami slices as I impose my world on you and you readily submit. I know all your friends, I know all about your work, your hobbies and your family. I am regarded as the ideal tonic after ‘him’ who we laugh about and who I know is one of my brethren but I never tell you. Your days are mapped out for you by me and you tell me often how lucky you feel. I do not disagree. I move in but keep my own house as ‘the market is not right to sell just now’. That bolthole is going nowhere. The social circle is established. You are elated. The world is offered to you and as the dominos clack clack clack you accept it all. The ring appears and you say yes. A date is set and plans are made as I give you the future. The tendrils are all around you, the fuel lines in place but of course you do not notice. I am with you, in you and around you. You sit at breakfast admiring the glinting ring on your finger as you remark.

“Do you know it is six months since we met in that bar? Who’d have thought it?”

I send you that special smile and you fail to notice my eyes blacken for an instant because you are still yet to discover that one thing leads to another.

27 thoughts on “It´s All Connected

  1. MGM says:

    The encounter with one of “your kind” was enormously beneficial to me. It was quite a spectacle and performance, the devaluation, discard, hoovering, etc. A real page-turner. I knew it was never really about me and leveraged it to my benefit in many ways for myself. I continue to do so to this day. It is certainly an eye-opener to learn that narcissist psychopaths exist in the varying ways and degrees they do. But, once you know, they are easy to detect, avoid, manage, etc. They are also easy to manipulate if one might be malicious and wanted to, but there was no interest in doing so.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is correct that once you know it is easier to detect and avoid by the application of logic which can only be achieved through the reduction of emotional thinking.
      If you think it is easy to manipulate a narcissist you are falling for your emotional thinking. Having no interest in manipulating a narcissist is logic. Knowing that trying to manipulate a narcissist is pointless is also logic.

      1. MGM says:

        Thank you, HG. I change “manipulate” to move/manage. This is what I mean. I like your constant reminder of logic vs. emotional thinking. Logic thinking is always best.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Jolly good and I appreciate your open minded response to my reminders.

          1. benitta ruphus says:

            HG, as I understand, it’s all about control to your kind. You need to be in control, you need to be on top, you need to be adored. You don’t like being reminded of your insecurities. Also you have a pattern. So what if I provoke you with regard to the new supply that she’s giving you permission to do something? What if I insulted you about some insecurity of yours(like your size or some something you feel you’re good at ) how would you react?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            1. It is about the Prime Aims, of which control plays a part.
            2. Adoration is not always required.
            3. It is not about insecurities, it is with regard to a threat to control (see The 3 Interactions With the Narcissist). This also addressed the final two questions you refer to. The answers are to be found in there, this is why I write these bulletins.
            4. It is not supply (awful description) it is appliance.
            5. Why are you provoking a narcissist? You should obey the first golden rule of freedom.

  2. Monique McGill says:

    Wow another shitty experience in life .I have the life sucked out of me yet again.Hmm I begin to numb and grow familiar .Do I sometimes question if he’s a full blown creature .Yes. But regardless if he’s wearing a mask, his false self is a part of who he is. So technically that sweet part , is apart of who he is We are all fucked up .Its challenging , irritating and confused is consistent. Everyone has a dark side .What a messed up way to live .The thing is even though you lack empathy and not sure the percentage .How is it to know you’ll never find that someone to have your back. To know you’re on this vicious cycle of nothingness sometimes destroying the weak .Like a demon with no purpose.I could easily never did that person ,But I have hope or what’s left of it not just from narcs but life .Do you feel anything towards your empty , pointless future .I honestly feel for you and your empty life .HG I’ve listened to you and respect your choices in educating .But what about you ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My life is not empty, so you may keep your feeling for me in that regard.

      1. Monique Schu says:

        Okay cool .I’m trying to replenish .I’m running low.

    2. lisk says:

      I imagine HG to have more than one someone that has his back.

      1. Sherree007 says:

        He has you. I’m sure he genuinely appreciates it .

  3. blackcoffee30 says:

    Why her Facebook on lockdown??!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      What are you referring to BC30?

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        Oops. I meant why isn’t her Facebook NOT on lockdown? You can’t find my FB unless you are a friend of a friend and even then you can only see my profile picture and cover page. Also, why did she let a strange dude take pictures of her? This is crazy; maybe she was drunk.

        I guess in this case you article is a warning of what NOT to do.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct.

  4. lickemtomorrow says:

    It’s all so predatory. Still hard to get my head around. And 6 months … all so fast as well. Swept up, we fail to notice so many things. But it’s the beginning of this article that really gets to me. It’s exactly where I am now. Only I haven’t ventured out to any bars yet! Not happening any time soon. The wounds are still too raw.

    At least I know now what to look out for, HG.

    1. MGM says:

      The signs are always there, but because so few know that the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath exists it is easy to assume it’s just quirks like everyone has. There is no way to really know what lies underneath. Of course, the whole experience is a complete irrational mind trick. What happened, what did I do, why did this happen, it’s like it never happened, why is this happening, and so on. But that is their goal, to leave you in shreds. But, the truth is, they find the same quirks everyone has and exploit it for their strange, sad mechanics. Don’t blame yourself, you’re not the first victim or the last of your narcissist. Rather, explore where the wounds are and repair them because they were always, always there long before your narcissist came along and stuck the claws in them. Leverage it to explore yourself and heal, evolve, decide new things, for yourself, etc. By doing so, you will actually benefit from the disaster. Your narcissist, sadly, will never truly.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        1. You do not need to heal. You are who you are, you cannot and nor should you change what you are. They are not wounds, it is what you are and yes, they were there before we came along.
        2. Instead, obtain logic and use it. Change the information – replace Flawed Logic with Logic.
        3. Know what is attracted to you, why it is attracted to you, why you are susceptible and effect those changes to defend yourself, you cannot alter who you are.
        4. The narcissist does benefit from the disaster, why do you think it is caused in the first place? However, you need not concern yourself with that, you look to your own defences.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          1/ Maybe you are talking about my nature (empath) and traits, HG, when you say there is no need to change or heal these. This relates to awareness which can be used for defense, and having now received the information you have provided to me re: Triple Empath Pack, I am more aware than I have ever been. Thank you. Things I never knew, things that surprised me and some which even delighted. I can utilize these to my benefit.
          2/ You have raised my awareness around this as well. Logic over emotional thinking, and replacing Flawed Logic with this.
          3/ I also now have a better idea of who is attracted to me (narcissists!), because I am an empath, susceptible due to my nature and traits, with an ability to defend myself using the information you have provided. I do not want to alter who I am. My narc brought out some of the best in me, and what I saw was beautiful.
          4/ Yes, I must look to my own defences. As I said to him, ‘what I have to give belongs where it can be appreciated, sustained and respected’. Now, I just need to hold myself to that.

          Thank you again.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

          2. Leigh says:

            Lickemtomorrow says, “My narc brought out some of the best in me, and what I saw was beautiful.” That comment really hit home for me. That’s the hardest part for me. I live my life very sheltered and that’s a conscious choice I make. Then he came along and I let myself go to a place I don’t normally go. I blame myself more than anything. Everyday I have to remind myself that not only did he bring out the best in me and yes, it was absolutely beautiful, he also brought out the worst in me and it was absolutely ugly.

        2. MGM says:

          Brilliant summation HG. To note, “heal” terminology means mind change. The mind can always be retaught, changed, etc. It’s a magical machine. Common term of this is “healing” but in the world here this is changing the mind/rewriting the mindset, etc. Again the reminder of logic vs emotional thinking is brilliant also.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            On the basis of heal meaning mind change , we are agreed.

          2. lisk says:

            Are we talking neuroplasticity here?

            I definitely believe in that, but it requires will for sure.

      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        Thank you, MGM. It’s easy to blame yourself as you wonder how you missed the signs. But, I’m definitely not his first victim, nor his last. I see HG has provided a further response, so I will answer that regarding previous wounds, but I agree for the need to leverage the experience and feel, by being here, I have already benefitted from the disaster. It’s onwards and upwards from this point on.

        1. MGM says:

          HG is great to learn from and a great teacher. Have had lots and lots and lots of narcissist sociopath psychopaths here across love work etc because they’re everywhere, and before awareness about this kind of people a half decade ago or so it was often painful, destructive, offensive, etc. HG is best to learn from any resource you’ll find.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you MGM.

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